January 23, 1982 – Robert Conrad / The Allman Brothers Band (S7 E9)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

COLD OPENING
The People’s Court- Paulette Clooney sues Velvet Jones over failed ho bid

— An actual cold opening this season!
— The return of Robin’s “She’s a pig” character.
— Velvet Jones!
— A nice crossover of two separate recurring characters, something I’ve always wished SNL would do more often with some of their characters.
— I like how Eddie as Velvet is still using his stilted commercial pitchman delivery.
— Eddie’s blunt “The bitch ugly” line had me howling.
— Robert Conrad seems to be having a lot of trouble delivering his lines all of a sudden.
STARS: ***½

TALENT ENTRANCE

IN THE NEWS
Liz Taylor’s marriage history is documented

— I already covered this segment in my review of the Tim Curry episode. This segment was actually originally aired in tonight’s episode, but was added to repeats of the Curry episode.
ORIGINAL RATING: ***

WILD WILD WILD WEST
James West (host) visits Velvet Jones’ brothel

    

— I don’t even recognize most of the performers at the beginning of this sketch.
— Ha, Eddie reprising Velvet Jones right after the cold opening. A nice overlapping of tonight’s sketches.
— Mary’s stiff “left face, right face, forward march, etc.” was awkward, but it strangely made me laugh.
— I liked Eddie’s stiff evil laugh.
— What the hell? What was with an un-mic’ed Tony starting to say his “So you sent the bomb into the future” line off-camera way too early, long before the camera cut to him? I’m surprised they didn’t edit out a blooper like that in the rerun version I’m watching.
— Overall, man, I don’t know WHAT to make of this sketch. It was too long, there were way too many different confusing aspects, and most importantly, it was hardly funny. Pretty much a chore to watch.
STARS: *½

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Midnight Rider”

BABIES IN MAKEUP
by Edward Bianchi- tots with painted faces

   

— Boy, this is just plain weird and pretty creepy.
— I did like the visual of a stuffed Snoopy doll hanging from a chain.
— Overall, yet another segment tonight that I don’t know what to make of.
STARS: **

OVEREXPOSED CHARACTERS
Velvet Jones & Paulie Herman declare themselves overexposed

— Yet ANOTHER Velvet Jones appearance tonight?
— A very interesting meta premise, with Velvet announcing his retirement due to overexposure.
— This is Jersey Guy’s first appearance in quite a long time.
— I wonder if this truly ends up being these characters’ final appearance. If so, I’m surprised that I never got sick of Jersey Guy like I originally thought I would. They ended up using him the right number of times and shook up his appearances enough times to keep him from getting annoying.
STARS: ***½

SNL NEWSBREAK PREVIEW
Lou Costello (TOR) cross-examines Jack Henry Abbott (host)

 

— Geez, the copy I’m reviewing of this episode abruptly joins this SNL Newsbreak in progress when Mary’s right in the middle of a joke. I wonder how much of this Newsbreak is missing from my copy.
— Mary’s hair looks quite different.
— There’s the People’s Court courtroom set again.
— Tony’s Lou Costello is great, and I’m getting a lot of laughs from this whole Abbott and Costello routine.
STARS: ***½

SNL NEWSBREAK
JOP uses Atari & Intellivision to predict 49ers will win Super Bowl XVI
weatherperson CHE tells BDM why she thinks the wind-chill factor is dumb

     

— Wait… what in the world??? NOW the actual SNL Newsbreak is starting? So then what the heck was that I just watched right before this, with Mary at the desk ? Was that some kind of Newsbreak preview? I am completely lost.
— The “nosc” bit is going on too long. Almost as bad as those “long screen crawl” bits they’re eventually going to run into the ground this season.
— Wait, where’s Mary? Brian has been the only one doing jokes so far in tonight’s Newsbreak. So then what was the point of having Mary anchor the short Newsbreak preview, but not the Newsbreak itself? Ugh, I said it before and I’ll say it again: SNL DOESN’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL THEY’RE DOING WITH THIS SEGMENT ANYMORE!
— Joe’s SNL Sports commentary had a decent payoff with the two different video games used to represent each of the two Super Bowl teams.
— Christine’s weather segment was just weird. None of her weather segments this season have been working for me so far.
— Boy, Brian’s Chinese New Years bit was awful.
STARS: **

BATTLE OF THE WEEK
game show pits Las Vegas showgirls vs. volunteer army

   

— Tony as Vic Salukin again? Didn’t he get murdered in the Donald Pleasence episode?
— Eddie’s “I don’t have no pep” rant was pretty funny (even if he stumbled over part of it).
— Overall, while the initial premise was fairly interesting, the resulting sketch fell flat. Hard to say what exactly didn’t work about it.
STARS: **

A FEW MINUTES WITH ANDY ROONEY
the topic is breasts

   

— They seem to be doing an awful lot of these Andy Rooney bits this season. Luckily, Joe’s impression usually always makes me laugh.
— LOL at them showing an uncensored clip of nude African female breasts to prove a point.
— Awkward ending with the audience’s delayed applause.
STARS: ***

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Southbound”

THE NIXON MANSION
G. Gordon Liddy (host) & Richard Nixon (TOR) plan to impugn FDR (TIK)

     

— A Nixon sketch? For the first time since Aykroyd left? I’m guessing it’s Joe who will take over the impression.
— Oh, it’s Tony taking over the impression. I never would’ve expected that.
— Not too crazy about Tony’s impression so far. Maybe I’m just put off by the fact that he looks so out of place in the role.
— I thought it was taboo to say “scumbag” on TV back then. (Chris Farley would later say that word in a Woody Allen/Mia Farrow sketch and it would end up getting re-dubbed to “sleazebag” in reruns.)
— I like Robin’s performance as FDR’s secretary.
— A good laugh from FDR telling his wife Eleanor that she looks like a character out of Dick Tracy.
— Boy, this seems to be turning into yet ANOTHER overly long sketch tonight. (*groan*)
— Oh my god at Eddie as a buck-toothed Japanese ambassador.
— Ha, FDR casually getting up from his wheelchair to walk around the office…
— Overall, despite a few highlights, this was another sketch that suffered from its length and dragged too much during several parts.
STARS: **

FAMILY TRADITION
castmember’s sister Nancy Sue Ebersole (CHE) sings off-key & plays viola

   

— Interesting-seeming bit with Christine doing a segment as “her sister”.
— Oh, looks like this is our obligatory Christine Ebersole musical sketch of the week.
— Ha, a gag disclaimer showing up during Christine’s song. This is a nice return of a gag that the show frequently did in the original era.
— Christine’s violin attempt is pretty funny.
STARS: ***

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Leavin'”

GOODNIGHTS

 

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IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS:
— An underwhemling episode, which is what I was expecting for the first episode after Michael O’Donoghue’s firing. There were some good things tonight, but nothing stood out as really strong and the show was dragged down by too many overly long sketches. The show was also lacking O’Donoghue’s sense of weirdness, experimentation, and danger, which is part of what made the first half of the season so interesting to me.

HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Bill Murray):
— a step down

My full set of screencaps for this episode is here

TOMORROW:
John Madden