February 28, 1987 – Valerie Bertinelli / The Robert Cray Band (S12 E13)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

COLD OPENING
Don Regan (KEN) & Nancy (JAH) Reagan cuckold oblivious Ronald (PHH)

— Nice to see we’re not getting a third consecutive cold opening with Phil’s Liberace in heaven.
— Amusing part with Reagan requesting increasingly smaller and simpler summaries of a report.
— Loved Phil-as-Reagan’s whole long-winded run about “I may not know about foreign policy or the budget or trade relations or… etc.”
— This is the second sketch Phil has played Reagan in, and they’ve already ditched the “secret mastermind” premise from his first appearance, and are just having him play Reagan in the typical doddering manner. It’s probably for the best, as I guess the mastermind characterization wouldn’t have lent itself well to repeat appearances.
— Good reveal of Jan’s Nancy and Kevin’s Don Regan involved in a secret affair.
— Decent opening overall.
STARS: ***

MONOLOGUE
(no synopsis available)

— I almost thought her mention of doing a TV movie titled “Vigilante Hooker” was genuine, before she followed it up with titles of other obviously fake movies.
— The “woman next door” punchline was a weak way to end this.
— An overall short, ho-hum monologue.
STARS: **

MCSOOSHI
— Rerun

HARD NEWS CAFE
(PHH) & (host) eat amid journalists at Hard News Cafe; Edwin Newman cameo

— I like the gag with the reporter patrons collectively trying to call over the waitress in the same manner they would at a press conference.
— The debut of Kevin’s Sam Donaldson, an impression I’ve always liked from him, though he’s not wearing the fake thick eyebrows that would later become a regular part of the impression.
— I like how Dana-as-Ted-Koppel’s casual speak still has him talking in a very Nightline-esque manner.
— A good laugh from Jon’s “You guys suck!” to Koppel and Donaldson.
— Great to see Edwin Newman appearing on the show again, after being a friend of the show during the Ebersol era.
— Funny touch with Newman nitpicking Jon’s grammar when throwing him out.
STARS: ***½

DISCOVER
Peter Graves’ (PHH) ignorance of basic chemistry is apparent

— Unsurprisingly, Phil’s doing a spot-on impression of Peter Graves’ voice.
— A huge laugh from Phil foolishly asking if the molecule model on display is actual size.
— Loved Phil unsuccessfully trying to walk off with the gold in his pocket.
— LOL, holy hell at the part with Phil’s Graves knocking over the heavy osmium, causing it to crash many floors below.
— Love Phil-as-Graves’ way of always saying “aaaalright”, especially him happily saying it after Jon panickedly explains that Graves has just exposed them to deadly radioactive californium.
— Overall, this sketch was a riot. There were lots of funny moments all throughout, and every little thing about Phil’s performance absolutely tickled me.
STARS: ****½

DINNER AT THE VAN HALEN’S
roadies help out with dinner at the home of host & Eddie Van Halen [real]

  

— I like the concept of roadies preparing the Van Halen’s dinner as if it’s a rock concert.
— Good part with the roadies forcefully shining flashlights on Valerie’s hair to show the guests her highlights that she has just mentioned.
— Seeing Eddie Van Halen and Valerie Bertinelli side-by-side reminds me of how people used to always say they look more like siblings than spouses. It’s true; they do have eerily similar facial features.
— Overall, a fairly short sketch that ended at the right time before the joke started getting old.
STARS: ***

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Smoking Gun”

WEEKEND UPDATE
contest winner (JOL) hangs out with David Lee Roth (DAC) in a hotel room
KEN uses cliches to tell what he knows about preparing income tax returns

   

— This marks the very first time Dennis has started an Update with “Good evening, what can I tell ya?”, which would go on to be his trademark opening line.
— Some good material from Dennis snarking on President Reagan’s poor memory.
— Very funny David Lee Roth impression from Dana.
— A good laugh from Jon as the David Lee Roth contest winner holding up a “Help me” sign during Roth’s raving.
— Another Kevin Nealon commentary that deals with him constantly changing his topic.
— Kevin’s overall commentary had some laughs, though I didn’t like this one as much as his last two commentaries with this premise.
STARS: ***½

PET CHICKEN SHOP
Ching Change thinks he’s found the perfect match in (host)

— Ohho, boy…
— Well, we get the debut of Nora as Ching’s sister, Loose Change, so that’s…. something.
— There was a least one interesting moment so far, with Ching Change following up a lie with “Yeah, that’s the ticket.”
STARS: *½

STOMPIN’ 8H
Eddie Van Halen [real] & SNL Band perform “Stompin’ 8H”

WASHINGTON CENTER COSMETIC SURGERY
(NOD) endorses low-cost plastic surgery at Washington Center

— There was absolutely no joke here AT ALL. It was just a serious, straightforward ad with Nora as a spokesperson promoting a cosmetic surgery center. Having seen tonight’s episode several times in the past, I’m well aware that this ends up being Part 1 of a two-part ad, in which the punchline is delivered in the second ad. However, I can just imagine how confused first-time viewers of this episode were when Part 1 of this commercial aired. I’m sure there were a lot of people going “Wait… what the hell? Was that a real commercial??? There wasn’t even a joke!” I probably had that same reaction myself the first time I saw this episode, but that was so long ago, I can’t remember.
STARS: N/A (not a rateable segment)

LET’S GO TO THE MOVIES
collegians (host) & (JAH) on The Color Of Money

— Jan and Valerie are very accurate in their characterizations here, but is this sketch GOING anywhere?
— Well, at least this overall sketch didn’t run too long considering the thin premise, but the sketch just came and went without offering anything other than a generic stereotypical 80s teen girl conversation.
STARS: **

WASHINGTON CENTER COSMETIC SURGERY
get redress for cut-rate plastic surgery with Washington Center Attorneys

— Hilarious follow-up to the first ad, and Nora’s disfigured Joker-esque look was a great visual.
— Very clever and kinda ballsy for SNL to set up a two-part ad like this, airing the first part as a serious non-comedic segment and waiting until Part 2 to reveal the joke.
STARS: ****

ON BROADWAY
guy who replaced Yul Brynner in The King & I (PHH) rants

— Two talk show sketches in a row hosted by Jan??? And it feels a little odd seeing her play a normal, mature talk show host immediately after the over-the-top valley girl-esque host we had just seen her playing moments ago, though if anything, this at least proves her wide range as a performer.
— Good part with Phil rudely knocking on Jan’s head while asking “Hello, anybody home?!?” I also liked Jan’s angry reaction to that.
— I’m really liking Phil’s growing frustration, especially him angrily beginning to cut his hair with scissors to resemble Yul Brynner.
— The studio audience is unusually dead during this sketch so far.
— Good appearance from Nora (who has really woken up the quiet studio audience) with her angry rant to viewers. I especially loved her saying “You want Yul Brynner? Dig him up!”
— Funny ending with Phil revealing Zorba The Greek is the next show he’ll be doing.
— Overall, a pretty solid sketch, though not quite as strong as I had remembered. I used to consider this an underrated Phil Hartman gem that should’ve been included in his “Best Of” (actually, maybe it was; in fact, that may have been where I first saw it… not sure, though), but after watching the sketch now, I was slightly disappointed to see it wasn’t quite as great as I used to find it. I still like the sketch quite a lot, but I’m now starting to think I’ve always loved it more for Phil’s (and now Nora’s) performance than for the actual material, though the material was fine.
STARS: ***½

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Right Next Door”

OPERA SINGER DOCTOR
an incompetent doctor (JOL) regrets not becoming an opera singer

— Featured player A. Whitney Brown makes his ONLY appearance of the night as a dead body. Ouch.
— Very funny part with Dana slowly dropping dead after being told by Jon that he has only a week to live from a blood clot. His death results in a simple “Maybe less” response from Jon.
— I also like how the aforementioned death was immediately followed by Valerie asking over the intercom “Is he dead yet?”
— Another great use of Jon’s beautiful operatic singing voice.
— An overall kinda odd sketch, but an enjoyable one and felt very fitting in the 10-to-1 slot, which is perfect for this type of experimental piece.
STARS: ***½

GOODNIGHTS

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IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS:
— A pretty good episode, though there isn’t much to say about it as a whole. There was at least one really strong sketch (Discover) as well as two great Phil Hartman performances (On Broadway and the aforementioned Discover).

HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Willie Nelson):
— a slight step up

My full set of screencaps for this episode is here

TOMORROW:
Bill Murray