Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars
COLD OPENING
Pumping Up With Hans & Franz- cousin Arnold Schwarzenegger [real] visits
— Memorable moment with Hans and Franz’s sing-songy “Poor little girly man, alone in his girly house” taunt.
— I like Danny DeVito entering the scene as a Hans and Franz-type character.
— Danny’s over-aggression is hilarious.
— Funny visual of Hans and Franz hurriedly trying to pump themselves up when hearing their cousin Arnold Schwarzenegger might be showing up.
— Good bit with Arnold destroying Hans and Franz’ self-esteem with his rant about how disappointed he is in them.
STARS: ***½
MONOLOGUE
host loves entering the stage during the opening, so he does it again
— For some reason, when the camera first shows the SNL studio after the opening montage ends, Danny is already onstage when Pardo hasn’t even announced him yet. It looks like Danny realizes his error and tries to hurry back to the entrance door, before just giving up and staying onstage while dancing energetically. SNL would later fix this in reruns by replacing the first half of this monologue with the dress rehearsal version.
— Ha, when Danny starts speaking, you can hear an off-camera male voice from the audience saying “You’re so sexy”, which amuses Danny.
— Danny’s excitement is freakin’ great.
— I absolutely love how this has turned into Danny fulfilling his wish to re-do his entrance, even going as far as making Arnold Schwarzenegger re-cue the opening montage by saying “Live from New York” for his second time tonight.
— This is fantastic. I’m loving how they’re re-playing the entire opening montage, interspersed with cutaways to the SNL Band jamming out on the theme music and Danny doing lots of wild dancing and gestures behind the entrance door.
— By the way, this is a VERY rare instance of us getting to see what it looks like behind the door that the hosts always make their monologue entrance through.
— I also think this is the only instance in SNL history where the show’s ENTIRE opening montage is played twice in a single episode.
— An absolutely excellent second entrance from Danny. He’s going WILD on that stage.
— Ha, he’s now genuinely out-of-breath. I like him finishing the monologue while laying down on the stage to rest himself.
— I find this overall monologue AMAZING and extremely fun. One of my personal all-time favorite monologues.
STARS: *****
BIG RED
kids like to watch the toy viking spew goop throughout the house
— Hilarious visual of the toy drenching the parents and the walls with fake blood.
— The audience is strangely quiet during this. This seems like the type of thing they’d normally go nuts for.
— Pretty catchy jingle.
STARS: ****
SEX TONIGHT
Jessica Hahn (JAH) helps anchor the titillating news program
Reclino Love Lounge- Wilford Brimley (PHH) endorses sex chair for seniors
— Very funny random concept for an Entertainment Tonight parody.
— Jan’s appearance as Jessica Hahn reminds me that during a segment in SNL’s 15th anniversary special a year later, Jan points out that she set a record in tonight’s episode by playing four whores in a single night. I’ll count the rest of them down as I go along in this episode.
— Funny part regarding a poll on which states find the sexiest between Bush and Dukakis.
— Hilarious idea of Dana’s Casey Kasem presenting a Top Five list on masturbation euphemisms from the 19th century.
— During the Kasem segment, there’s a big technical error regarding the Top Five list text that’s supposed to be superimposed next to him. A distracting gaffe, but the segment is still funny.
— Phil as Wilford Brimley advertising a sex chair is freakin’ hilarious.
— I didn’t care too much for the ending conversation between Jan and Kevin.
STARS: ****
SCROOGE
Scrooge’s (host) philanthropic overcompensation has left him tapped out
— I laughed at Danny’s line about “taking it in the pants”.
— Can’t figure out where this sketch is supposed to be going.
— Victoria’s speech is kinda funny, but I think I’m just desperate for something to like at this point.
— Now that the sketch is over, I can say I didn’t care for it at all. If it was going for a soft, sentimental piece, then 1) it’s too early in the night for something THIS slow-paced and humorless, and 2) this era has done MUCH better soft, sentimental pieces.
STARS: *½
MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “In Your Room”
WEEKEND UPDATE
Yasser Arafat (JOL) is not upset about not being allowed in the country
KEN has trouble stopping the cliches after trying deficit topic
— Dennis to Yasser Arafat: “Didn’t you, in fact, try to have [George Schultz] killed when he was in Jerusalem a few months ago?” Yasser Arafat: “Oh, is he still upset about THAT?”
— The random “Are you gay?” bit between Dennis and Arafat is pretty funny.
— Oh, no, not the return of Kevin’s topic-changing commentaries. I had assumed they were retired by this point. I am SO tired of these.
— Okay, I did get one laugh from Kevin’s commentary, with his line about how nose-picking can be both a habit and a hobby.
— Because of tonight’s musical guest, Dennis reprises his impression of The Bangles’ lead singer, an impression that just consists of him shifting his eyes to the side in a tight close-up (second-to-last screencap above). I still don’t quite get it (is it referencing a Bangles music video?), but it always makes me chuckle anyway.
STARS: ***½
YOU SHOT ME!
Mexican bandit (host) is remorseful after shooting (JOL) in the foot
— Great Mexican voice on Danny.
— A very Jon Lovitz-y role for Jon Lovitz here, with his hilarious repeated whines of “You shot me!”, or as he makes it sound, “Ya shyyyaaaat me!” This has always been one of my favorite Jon Lovitz sketches.
— Whore role #2 for Jan tonight.
— Danny’s over-apologeticness towards Jon is very funny.
— Ha, Danny’s now cracking up at Jon’s constant “Ya shyyaaaat me!”s (last screencap above). I remember Danny himself pointing out in the “SNL in the 80s: Lost and Found” documentary how hard it was for him to keep a straight face in this sketch.
— On paper, it would be impossible to see why this sketch is so funny. It’s all in Jon’s performance. Like I said, this is a very Jon Lovitz-y role. I can’t picture anybody else in SNL history nailing this sketch.
STARS: ****
THE BASTARD BATTALION
a movie features a group of uncouth WWII soldiers
— Feels like its been a while since we last saw a black-and-white sketch utilizing this cast’s ability to accurately portray 1940s-era characters.
— I love this sketch’s concept, and all the quick “bastard” scenes are making me laugh.
— Whore role #3 for Jan tonight.
— What happened just now? At the beginning of the scene with Phil saying goodbye to Jan, the narration voice-over introducing that scene seemed to speak longer than he was supposed to, causing him and Phil to mistakenly speak over each other before the narrator abruptly cut himself short. Either that, or Phil must’ve started saying his line too early before the narrator was finished. Either way, the gaffe resulted in a rare instance of Phil actually smirking out of character (second-to-last screencap above).
— Loved the drinking prank scene with Jon.
STARS: ****
MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Hazy Shade of Winter”
CELEBRITY RESTAURANT
Buddy Precisely (DAC) to insufficiently-famous diners- “wait at the bar”
— Ah, the debut of Dana’s Buddy Precisely character.
— Good to see the return of Phil’s Burt Reynolds impression. Again, that high-pitched laugh alone never fails to crack me up.
— Buddy Precisely: “Wait at the baaarrr, wait at the baaarrr” and “Take it outsiiiide, take it outsiiiide”.
— Classic part with Victoria as herself being asked by Buddy if she’s part of the new SNL cast or original SNL cast, then being told to “Take it outsiiiide, take it outsiiiide” when she answers “new cast”.
— Funny to see what Buddy Precisely considers what is and isn’t worthy of entering the restaurant.
— Whore role #4 for Jan tonight, and thus officially breaking a record.
— I like the overabundance of questions Buddy’s asking Danny.
STARS: ***½
GUARDIAN ANGELS
fellow guardian angels console (host) after he needlessly visits (KEN)
— Seemed to be a lot of stalling at the beginning of this sketch. Did something go wrong?
— Another “somebody gets visited by a Christmas ghost” sketch tonight? Then again, this seems to be a thinly-veiled It’s A Wonderful Life take-off.
— I’m getting a chuckle from how the increasing amount of ghosts showing up seems to be getting out of hand.
— Hmm, I don’t think I care for where this has been going. This is another sketch tonight that seems to be going for a light-on-laughs, sentimental holiday feel. And at the risk of sounding like a Scrooge myself, neither of those two sketches have worked for me at all tonight.
STARS: **
GOODNIGHTS
IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A mostly very solid episode. A lot of strong segments tonight, and Danny DeVito brought his usual brand of fun to the show as always. However, the episode’s attempts at sentimental, feel-good, low-on-humor, Christmas-y stuff didn’t work as well as they usual do and were hard to figure out where they were going.
HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (John Lithgow)
a mild step up
My full set of screencaps for this episode is here
TOMORROW
Kevin Kline