January 12, 1991 – Joe Mantegna / Vanilla Ice (S16 E10)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

COLD OPENING
George Bush (DAC) ambushes Saddam Hussein (PHH) a la Michael Corleone

— This Godfather setting is a fun concept for a Bush cold opening.
— Bush doing a long spiel in Italian is very funny, especially him saying an Italian version of “Nah gah dah”.
— Love the bathroom scene with Bush.
— The panicked look on Dana-as-Bush’s face as the camera is slowly zooming in on him during Mantegna’s speech is priceless (second-to-last screencap above).
— For some reason, I always laugh at the confused look on Phil-as-Saddam’s face when Dana’s Bush tries to shoot him (last screencap above). I think it’s the spaghetti hanging out of his mouth that makes Phil’s confused expression funny to me.
STARS: ****

OPENING MONTAGE
— They’ve stopped using the 15th anniversary SNL logo and have gone back to using the regular logo.

MONOLOGUE
host uses intimidation to avert a walkout by a kid expecting Joe Montana

— Very funny reveal that the father and son in the audience are leaving in disappointment because they thought the show was hosted by Joe Montana.
— Joe’s threatening speech to the kid is great. I especially love the line “One phone call from me and Joe Montana don’t play next week… or maybe Joe Montana wakes up with John Madden’s head in his sheets.”
— At the end when the son goes back to his father, Joe mistakenly calls the kid Zach before correcting himself and calling him Tyler. I’m not sure if this flub was later fixed in reruns or not.
STARS: ****

HELLO NEW YORK
on a radio talk show, city employee (host) downplays NYC’s crime problem

— A lot of good laughs from Joe’s ways of trying to downplay the seriousness of New York’s crime to callers.
— Joe’s delivery in this is great.
— Joe: “New York ranks first only in one type of homicide, and that is a stranger walking up another stranger and shooting him.”
— Love the various pamphlets Joe displays (e.g. “So You’ve Been Doused With Gasoline and Set on Fire”).
STARS: ****½

NIGHTLINE
a Desert Storm soldier’s (host) family loves him & is proud

— I love Dana’s delivery of “I’m Ted Koppel and THIIIIIIS………. is Nightline.”
— For a one-joke premise, this is actually funny. All the redundant “We love you and we’re proud of you”s are an accurate parody of the type of message you see soldiers’ family members delivering to them on the air.
— I liked Joe’s worried “You don’t have to do that” when Farley going to hand the phone back to Victoria.
— The “We love you and we’re proud of you” routine is coming off especially funny with Kevin’s Sam Donaldson doing it.
— A big laugh from the camera cutting back to Joe, who has replaced himself with a broom stand-in.
STARS: ***½

OFFICER MILLER
Officer Miller (PHH) shares his wisdom with a 14 year-old smoker (CHF)

— Catchy opening theme song, which is no surprise for this era.
— This sketch would later be replaced with the dress rehearsal version in reruns. The most noticeable difference is that in the dress rehearsal version, Farley is dressed in a completely different outfit than the one he wears in the live version (side-by-side comparison below).

— I like how when Officer Miller is showing Farley gruesome lung pictures to convince him to stop smoking, there’s an unrelated picture of an enlarged prostate in there, which Officer Miller says “we’ll talk about some other time”.
— Officer Miller: “Every man is free to jump as high as his own penis.”
— When speaking calmly about the raging hormones he gets when looking at a woman, I loved Farley’s sudden outburst “Sometimes I just wanna JUMP ALL OVER HER and– etc.”
— So many great lines from Officer Miller throughout this, especially his description of how a female baboon’s swollen genitalia looks like a big red catcher’s mitt.
— The aforementioned dress rehearsal version of this sketch shown in reruns has a different ending. Instead of throwing Farley’s pack of cigarettes into the trash bin with a proud look on his face, Officer Miller shadily starts smoking from the pack of cigarettes himself. Not sure which ending I would say is better. The “Officer Miller smokes the cigarettes himself” ending was too obvious a joke, but the “Officer Miller throws the cigarettes in the trash” ending felt kinda empty.
— Overall, a quintessential Phil Hartman sketch that’s underrated.
— I’m surprised this never ended up becoming a recurring sketch. This had its own opening credits and theme song, and the character had recurring potential. Subsequent installments of this sketch could’ve had him giving advice to other citizens.
STARS: ****

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Ice Ice Baby”

WEEKEND UPDATE
AWB shares his thoughts on the final days before the Gulf War

— Freakin’ hilarious how the song played during tonight’s Update intro sequence is “Under Pressure”, immediately after musical guest Vanilla Ice had just performed “Ice Ice Baby”, which infamously samples the beat from “Under Pressure”. Dennis lampshades this even further during his tongue-in-cheek opening statement about how timeless “Under Pressure” is: “The best thing about that song is, it could still be a big hit today.”
— I got a big laugh from Bush’s rude letter to Saddam that Dennis reads.
— I really like how almost every single joke in tonight’s Update is about the pending Gulf War. Watching this in retrospect, this is serving as a fascinating time capsule of the tense climate the nation was in regarding the strong possibility of us about to enter a war.
— Loved A. Whitney’s dig at USA Today.
— A. Whitney: “We’ve got 60,000 Egyptian troops. I don’t wanna be picky about this, but… when was the last time Egypt won a war? I know they fought the Nubians to a draw in 2300 B.C., but I mean since gunpowder.”
— Tonight’s Update ends on a rare serious note, with Dennis showing a series of out-of-context pictures of the Secretary of State supposedly doing a countdown to war with his fingers, which Dennis follows by saying an earnest “We can only hope this countdown stops at 2 and we have peace for all.” Sadly, as we know now, Dennis’ wish doesn’t come true, as the Gulf War would officially start just a few days after this episode.
STARS: ***½

I’M CHILLIN’
Onski (CSR) & B Fats (CHF) broadcast from the projects

— This sketch makes its debut. I think Rock later said that this sketch was basically his attempt at creating a black version of Wayne’s World.
— Love the pairing of the two Chrises (Rock and Farley) as the hosts.
— Rock’s intro to Farley isn’t as comically long-winded in this one as it would be in future installments.
— Rock’s promo for “F’d Up Malt Liquor” is great.
— Much like the debut of “The Dark Side with Nat X” earlier this season, the urban, streetwise humor in this sketch is providing a refreshing change of pace from the long absence of black representation during SNL’s late 80s era.
— I liked the “Mother Joke of the Day” segment.
— The bit about the “Mother Joke of the Day” winner receiving a Raiders cap “just like the one worn by EVERY black teen in the city” is funny and, in retrospect, provides a reminder of the days when Raiders caps and jackets were indeed very common in urban communities.
— An overall short-but-sweet sketch.
STARS: ***½

LUKENS PIPE INC.
pipe factory owner (host) & secretary (JAH) mull verbose complaint letter

— This was originally performed in the dress rehearsal of the previous episode with Dennis Quaid. A video of it used to be available at Yahoo Screen’s site.
— I’m getting some pretty good amusement from Joe’s increasingly ridiculous verbosity and use of unnatural synonyms.
— I used to dismiss this sketch as dull, but I can appreciate it more now. Joe’s solid delivery is also helping a lot.
STARS: ***

BILL SWERSKI’S SUPER FANS
Bill Swerski (host) & the other Super Fans talk about the Chicago Bears

— Ladies and gentlemen, we have a major recurring sketch debut!
— Feels odd in retrospect seeing the host of this sketch being played by someone other than George Wendt. Wendt would take over the host role in all subsequent installments of this sketch.
— Funny reveal of Mike, Farley, and Robert Smigel all looking the same with the sunglasses and walrus mustaches.
— Speaking of Smigel, though he had previously appeared in some bit roles here and there, this is the very first time he’s ever had a major onscreen role. Considering he was only a writer at this time (he gets added to the cast as an occasional featured player next season), I’m aware that there used to be lots of confusion and speculation among SNL fans at the time over which performer that was playing his character in these Super Fans sketches. One SNL fan even speculated that it was Don Novello playing the role, because Smigel’s sunglasses and mustache combo made him kinda resemble Novello’s Father Guido Sarducci.
— “Daaa Bearsss!”
— Farley’s performance here is fairly low-key compared to how he would later play this character. Tonight’s installment also doesn’t have any heart attack mentions regarding Farley’s character, unlike subsequent installments where it would be a running joke.
— Smigel’s delivery of “I had the polish saaaaasage” was hilarious. So hilarious, that someone even made a YouTube video of that line being looped over and over. I don’t have time to dig up that video, though.
— I’m loving the ridiculous Bears game score predictions and outlandish “What if?” scenarios, such as Mike Ditka playing against the Giants by himself.
STARS: ****

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Play That Funky Music”

INSANE INVENTORS
Thomas Edison (DAC) & The Wolfman (host) collaborate

— The ridiculous inventions Phil’s host character is displaying are providing good laughs.
— I like the randomness of the Wolfman being an inventor. I also like the odd casting of Joe Mantegna, of all people, in that role.
— The wild fight between Dana’s Thomas Edison and Joe’s Wolfman is priceless.
STARS: ***½

O’HANLON MEMORIAL
wound closings recalled at funeral of cut-man Eddie “The Clot” O’Hanlon

— Joe’s goofy voice in this is freakin’ hilarious.
— All the stories about gruesome boxing wounds and O’Hanlon’s impressive ability to close them are cracking me the hell up.
— Rock’s incoherent rambling is very funny.
— Another early role for writer/pre-castmember Adam Sandler, who briefly steals the sketch as a hilarious goofy-accented Hector “Macho Man” Camacho (third screencap above).
— Heh, what’s with Jan’s wig? Something about the way it was applied looks bizarre.
— Good ending with Rock leading the whole room in an incoherent prayer.
STARS: ****

GOODNIGHTS

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IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A very solid episode. Considering I used to think this episode was merely pretty good, I was surprised at how strong I found most of the show during tonight’s viewing. The quality was consistent, none of the sketches were weak, and the show provided lots of good laughs. I was also pleasantly surprised by how solid a host Joe Mantegna was. He was very good in the sketches and had great delivery that really added to some of the material. My praising of him as the host is now reminding me of a great cut dress rehearsal sketch that used to be available on Yahoo Screen, in which Joe plays the owner of a one-man restaurant. That definitely should’ve made it on the air in this episode.

HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Dennis Quaid)
a step up

My full set of screencaps for this episode is here

TOMORROW
Sting