October 23, 1993 – John Malkovich / Billy Joel (S19 E4)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

COLD OPENING
Phillies spit while Anne Murray (MEH) sings “O, Canada” at World Series

— Some good laughs from the Phillies each crudely taking turns spitting out a small chunk of their tobacco during Anne Murray’s singing.
— Feels kinda weird seeing Phil being cast in this role at this point of his tenure.
— The ending gag gave me a huge laugh. I feel like I shouldn’t like it, since it kinda signals this and next season’s increasing reliance on bad low-brow humor and fluid-spurting gags, but it worked in the structure of this short-and-sweet cold opening.
STARS: ****

MONOLOGUE
host gets worked up while trying to hit a baseball into the audience

— I love the fake-out on the old “host mentions a recent movie they’re in to receive applause” trope, with John saying “There was a little movie you might’ve seen this summer called Jurassic Park”, which receives confused, scattered applause from the audience, considering John’s not in that movie. John then says “Great movie; I’ve seen it twice.”
— A simple premise, but John is really making this work, especially with his increasing frustration.
— When John is angrily banging the baseballs on the floor with a bat, one of the baseballs accidentally flies up and lands by SNL Band drummer Shawn Pelton, nearly hitting him. Pelton just laughs while moving out of the way of the ball.
STARS: ****

MCINTOSH POST-IT NOTES
use the computer message units once & throw away

— I’ve always found this fake ad baffling. It’s not a particularly funny concept, and that coupled with the fact that the ad is played SO straight and dull makes it feel too much like a real ad. Kinda reminds me of how I’ve always felt about that Michael McKean-starring Virtual Reading fake ad from the following season.
— Yeah, watching this ad again now, my opinion has not really changed. Though I admit to getting a chuckle from the long “warming up” part, as well as the close-up of Farley as a coach giving a cheesy grin and head nod to the camera (the third above screencap for this ad).
— For some reason, the part with Kevin holding up a McIntosh Post-It Note in one hand and regular Post-It Notes in his other hand while comparing the two products would later be removed from all reruns. Does anyone have any idea why? Did SNL get in trouble with the real Post-It Notes company for showing their product without permission or something?
STARS: *½

THE MENENDEZ TRIAL
on witness stand, Erik (ROS) & Lyle (host) Menendez blame their twins

— The first of many Court TV sketches within these next two seasons.
— I got a good laugh from John as one of the Menendez brothers explaining that their parents hid the extra set of two brothers because “they were weak and not good tennis players”, a line made even funnier by that trademark Malkovich delivery.
— So many little things throughout this are cracking me up, such as John’s crying faces and the way he places his hand over his eyes during that crying, and Rob always listening to the lawyers while leaning his head forward with an intensely serious facial expression.
— I like how the alleged extra set of two brothers is clearly just Lyle and Erik having switched places with each other.
— Phil’s “Is that really necessary?” line was solid.
— The extremely long, silent wait for Lyle and Erik to return while the camera holds on a shot of two empty chairs is hilarious.
— I love the awkwardness and subtle panicking when only one of the brothers is sent to go get the extra set of brothers from the bathroom.
— This overall sketch was very slow-paced and repetitive, but it actually worked really well, and so many things in it tickled me.
STARS: ****½

THEATRE STORIES
Charlton Heston (PHH) & Brits talk about porno films

— Surprisingly, this is the first time they’ve done this sketch since season 17. This sketch completely skipped season 18.
— Good to see Julia’s character back after not being in the last Theatre Stories sketch.
— It’s also nice to see this sketch without Dana Carvey’s Mickey Rooney for a change, as his endlessly-repeated “I was the number one staaaarrrrr… etc.” catchphrase actually got old fast to me (as much as it pains me to criticize Dana).
— I like Mike’s character calling Charlton Heston “Charl-intestine”.
— Always fun to see Phil’s Charlton Heston. His line just now about “bananas… bananas… bananas” was very funny with his delivery.
— I’m loving John’s character and delivery.
— Funny running gag with Mike narrating how he’s randomly changing his body postures uncontrollably.
— The various porn stories being told are all worth good laughs.
— Overall, this has always been my favorite installment of this recurring sketch.
STARS: ****

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “The River of Dreams”

WEEKEND UPDATE
KEN gives a subliminal editorial about Ted Danson’s blackface at roast
John Kruk (CHF) realizes that he was supposed to have been in Toronto

— This is the first in a long time they’ve altered the Update title sequence featuring Kevin’s spinning head, this time showing him in old-timey blackface makeup (screencap below), as an apparent reference to Ted Danson’s infamous blackface stunt at a then-recent Whoopi Goldberg roast.

— I loved Kevin’s two jokes about the cancellation of Chevy Chase’s disastrous talk show, one of the jokes being “By the way, The Chevy Chase Show is still dead”, as a reference to Chevy’s classic Generalissimo Francisco Franco running gag from the original era.
— Uh-oh, here comes yet another subliminal editorial. As I mentioned in my review of the preceding season’s finale, I’ve surprisingly gotten tired of Kevin’s subliminal routine over the course of last season.
— Tonight’s subliminal editorial ended up being okay, but was sadly still a far cry from the days when Kevin’s subliminal routine was in its prime. The best subliminal words in tonight’s commentary were Long Dong Silver and Kevin referring to Montel Williams as “8-ball head”.
— Kevin: “During the World Series, the Philadelphia Phillies have been accused of being unshaven, overweight, long-haired, dumb slobs.” Oh, was THAT the reason behind the cold opening earlier tonight?
— Great facial reaction from Chris as John Kruk when he comes to the realization he’s supposed to be in Toronto for the World Series tonight. This commentary is almost too simple a concept, but Chris is actually selling it well. I wonder if him turning his back to the camera was an ad-lib, since the back of his Phillies jersey is oddly empty (the fifth above screencap for this Weekend Update), as if SNL didn’t bother putting Kruk’s team number on it because they didn’t think the back of his jersey would be shown onscreen.
— The John Kruk commentary ends with him having a disappointed “Should’ve been there” reaction to Kevin’s announcement that Toronto won the World Series tonight (an announcement that initially receives cheers from the studio audience before being drowned out by many boos). According to a dress rehearsal photo on GettyImages (seen here), the dress rehearsal version of this commentary seemingly had a different ending, as the photo shows Chris’ John Kruk standing up with a rowdy look on his face while holding a bottle of champagne (it looks like his head is doused in champagne as well). I’m guessing the dress rehearsal version used an alternate ending where the Phillies were the ones who won the World Series, and Chris’ John Kruk broke out a bottle of champagne to celebrate. SNL must’ve had two different endings written in advance, since they obviously wouldn’t have known which team would win the World Series until the game ended during the live airing of tonight’s episode.
STARS: ***

OF MICE AND MEN
Disney’s version features two Lennies (host) & (CHF)
LOM shoots CHF after the latter breaks JAH’s neck during sketch

— Of Mice and Men is my personal favorite book of all time, and I’ve always loved SNL’s parodies of it from various seasons. I also like how this particular parody is in reference to the Of Mice and Men movie adaptation Malkovich starred in a year earlier.
— A very good and fun premise of George being replaced with a second Lennie.
— I love the sound effect of loud snapping whenever the puppies’ necks are cracked.
— The Lennies’ poor ways of hiding the dead puppies’ bodies are really funny.
— Great how the running neck-snapping gag is now extending to Farley’s Lennie accidentally snapping the neck of Curley’s wife.
— I absolutely love the twist after the sketch ends, with a behind-the-scenes bit where it’s revealed that Chris really did snap Jan’s neck during the sketch.
— Funny implication in Chris’ meta line “I did it again, just like Victoria.”
— Great ending with Lorne pulling a George and shooting Chris in the back of the head while telling him about Hollywood.
STARS: *****

RUINING IT FOR EVERYONE
guests’ actions spurred preventative measures

— An interesting and fairly fun premise.
— I’m enjoying the sketch, but it has an oddly really quiet atmosphere so far, for some reason. Not sure what it is; maybe it’s the audience.
— John is absolutely perfect for this creepy role, and I love his overly calm revelations about killing hitchhikers.
— Funny bit about Rob being the first man to ever bring a woman to orgasm.
— The sketch has been getting funnier as it’s going along.
— Good ending with each guest saying what they plan on ruining next.
— Nice touch at the very end with John asking “Anybody need a lift home?”, though it was almost inaudible.
STARS: ***½

CARVILLE
James Carville (host) urges Hillary Clinton (JAH) to run in 1996

— Feels weird seeing an Oval Office sketch buried this late in the show.
— John continues to knock it out of the park, as he’s perfectly cast as James Carville and is giving a very funny performance in the role.
— I could be looking too much into this, but when talking about daughter Chelsea, Jan-as-Hillary’s emphasized delivery of “She’s a 13-year-old who deserves to be left ALONE!” almost seems to be SNL’s way of saying “See, everyone? We truly ARE sorry for the mean things we said about Chelsea in that Wayne’s World sketch!”
— I loved Carville slyly telling Hillary “I’ll see you in ’96…. minutes!” when Bill’s in the room.
— Very sweet ending with Phil and Jan, and yet another heartwarming display of their wonderful chemistry.
STARS: ***½

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “All About Soul”

IN THE LINE OF FIRE
assassin (host) gets wrong numbers while trying to phone Frank Horrigan

— Another parody of a Malkovich movie, which I’m glad about, as In The Line Of Fire is one of my favorite Malkovich movies.
— The first wrong number reveal is really funny, happening out of nowhere during such a tense scene.
— John’s sudden “I KNOW IT’S ALRIGHT!” angry outburst cracked me up.
— Weird how this is the second out-of-it old lady Julia is playing tonight.
— A good laugh from John accidentally calling Julia’s old lady back immediately after hanging up on her.
— Priceless part with the kid’s “They killed Kennedy?!? The VJ from MTV?!?” reaction.
— John being put on call waiting right after finally reaching Frank Horrigan is very funny.
— The ending would later be altered in reruns. In the live version I’m currently watching, after John shoots himself in the foot (a gag ruined by a technical error where the screen took too long to cut to an exterior shot of the building), he calls 911, asks them for an ambulance, and that’s the end of the sketch. Reruns improve on this ending by adding in audio of Julia’s old lady character yelling “Hello?!? Hello?!?” on the other end of the phone after John asks 911 for an ambulance.
— Speaking of the ending, I wonder if whoever wrote this sketch would later write the recurring Zagat’s sketches from the following season, because much like John’s character at the end of this sketch, the first Zagat’s sketch ends with Adam’s character accidentally shooting himself in the foot off-camera (“MY FOOT!”).
STARS: ****½

GOODNIGHTS

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IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— And thus ends what’s always been one of my personal favorite episodes of all time. Unlike the last episode I reviewed that I called one of my personal all-time favorites (Christopher Walken/Arrested Development, which coincidentally originally aired on the same Saturday as tonight’s episode an exact year earlier), it’s a little hard to justify why tonight’s episode is one of my favorites. To a lot of SNL fans, I assume this is just a solid-but-not-classic episode (if I’m wrong about that assumption, I apologize). And even having just watched and reviewed the episode right now, I see that there were barely any sketches that I consider a five-star classic. But to me, this episode has always held a VERY special place in my heart. I just love so many things about it as a whole, including the feel and flow of it. Part of my bias towards this episode may be due to both the fact that I first saw it in a Comedy Central rerun during my very early SNL fandom days, where it left a huge impression on me (so much so, that anytime I noticed Comedy Central was airing the episode again, I’d go wild), and the fact that I’m a fan of a lot of John Malkovich’s work and always love when he hosts SNL (why he’s only hosted three times, I’ll never know). And after watching and reviewing the episode just now, I also feel that, unlike the preceding episodes of this season, nothing in this episode was hampered by early signs of the doom that awaits both this and next season (besides maybe the McIntosh Post-It Notes commercial, but that was short and harmless enough).

MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS

HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Jeff Goldblum)
a big step up

My full set of screencaps for this episode is here

TOMORROW
Christian Slater