February 5, 1994 – Patrick Stewart / Salt-N-Pepa (S19 E12)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

OPERATION PEDOPHILE NOT
Michael Jackson (TIM) combats his pedophile image by hitting on women

— I think the opening exterior shot of a club (screencaps below) is the same one that would later regularly be used in the Roxbury Guys sketches, but I can’t say for sure, as it’s been ages since I’ve last seen a Roxbury Guys sketch.

— Nice to see Phil appearing right at the top of tonight’s episode, after only appearing in the last half hour of the preceding episode. Unfortunately, his role in this sketch is minor, and he makes only one other appearance later tonight, in a role that’s also not too big, making tonight the second consecutive episode where he practically sits the whole episode out. Lately, it’s already almost starting to feel like he’s left the show.
— Funny reveal of the Operation Pedophile Not name.
— The debut of Tim’s Michael Jackson impression.
— Tim-as-MJ’s bad attempts at flirting are providing pretty good laughs.
— Hilarious part with MJ telling a female passerby “Hey, what’s up, bitch?”, only to immediately and deservedly get slapped by her.
— Michael Jackson: “Theresa – that’s a sexy name, like Macaulay.”
— Nice twist on “Live from New York…” with Tim’s MJ asking his bodyguard for help in the middle of it.
STARS: ***½

MONOLOGUE
host demonstrates the extent of his Star Trek trivia knowledge

— A lot of laughs from Patrick’s inaccurate Star Trek facts, and he’s helping sell this material with his always-reliable delivery. I especially got a good from his mention of Leonard “Portnoy”.
— Great part with the lights dimming and Patrick butchering the famous Star Trek opening voice-over.
STARS: ****

PHILADELPHIA ACTION FIGURES
they allow kids to re-enact the movie

— Priceless premise of the movie “Philadelphia” inappropriately being turned into children’s action figures.
— As someone who was a kid in this era, this is a perfect recreation of early 90s kids toy commercials (much like I said about the Nerf Crotch Bats commercial from the preceding season).
STARS: ****½

SCOTTISH THERAPIST
Stuart Rankin visits Phil McCracken, Scottish Therapist (host)

— Surprisingly, this is the first All Things Scottish sketch in two-and-a-half years. This is also the last time we’ll be seeing this sketch.
— Feels weird seeing Tim playing a customer, considering the last time this sketch appeared, he played a store employee.
— I love the cutaway to Stuart Rankin’s frozen deadpan face after Chris’ crack about Scottish “skirts”.
— I got a huge laugh from Rankin headbutting Chris and giving him a nosebleed, made even funnier by the fact that you can see ketchup packets hidden in Chris’ hands, used to represent blood.
— I love the sudden twist with Patrick’s Scottish therapist character, complete with his own opening credits sequence and theme song. A nice change of pace for All Things Scottish.
— A pretty good laugh from the “scotch treatment” that Patrick brings up only consisting of getting “piss drunk”.
— During the time-lapsed drunk sequence, I love the brief snippet of Patrick and Mike singing The Proclaimers’ 500 Miles song.
STARS: ***½

SEXY CAKES
bakery owner’s (host) sexy cakes all feature women going to the bathroom

— Strange how this is the second consecutive sketch tonight taking place in a store. In fact, when Rob entered the store at the beginning of this sketch, I actually almost expected to hear the Scottish bagpipe door chime from the preceding sketch. You don’t get to see these two sketches back-to-back if you watch the rerun version of tonight’s episode, because SNL wildly shuffles the order of this episode’s sketches around, and the All Things Scottish sketch is moved to the post-Update half of the show.
— A hilarious reveal from Patrick of the “erotic” cake featuring a woman going to the bathroom. I’m really liking Rob’s delivery and reactions as the straight man.
— When Rob says “This is the exact same cake of a woman going to the bathroom”, I love Patrick smiling and saying “No, no – this one’s chocolate.”
— Tim and David ordering a “man-on-man lemon meringue” gave me a big laugh.
— The concept of this sketch in general is hilarious, and this is such a perfect use of Patrick Stewart. This sketch is pure comedy gold under his performance.
— Yet another fantastic line from Patrick, this time with him responding to Rob’s idea of a sexy cake featuring people having sex or genitalia by saying “If that’s what you’re after, I suggest you try Hostess or Sara Lee.”
— Excellent touch at the end with Patrick’s wink into the camera.
STARS: *****

MUSICAL GUEST INTRO
— There’s that epic “Salt…N-PEPAAA!!!” delivery from Patrick that John Mulaney would later joke about in the monologue of his season 43 hosting stint.

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Shoop”

WEEKEND UPDATE

— I pointed out in an earlier review that Kevin has developed an annoying habit this season of often following his “Good evening, I’m Kevin Nealon” sign-on with an absurdly long pause while staring into the camera, to complete silence from the audience. Well, we got a particularly long pause after his sign-on tonight. (*groan) Why does he do that???
— I loved the suicide hotline/Nike joke.
— Overall, much like two episodes ago when Jason Patric hosted, we got another Update with no guest commentaries. However, unlike the Update from two episodes ago, Kevin actually had a pretty good night with a decent number of solid jokes. Probably his best night in a while, even if that’s still not saying much (which just shows how blah his Updates have been this season).
STARS: ***

THE LOVE BOAT: THE NEXT GENERATION
space romance & Doc (Bernie Koppel)

 

— Rob looks uncanny as Data. Great casting there.
— A fantastic premise, doing a mash-up of Star Trek and The Love Boat.
— Very fun opening credits sequence.
— I love David’s Joan Rivers impression.
— Another great continuation of the decades-long running gag of Akira Yoshimura always playing Sulu in SNL’s Star Trek parodies.
— Boy, Chris stumbled through his line VERY awkwardly just now. He’s visibly embarrassed by it, as he closes his eyes in a way that you can tell he’s thinking to himself “Man, I blew it” (the last above screencap for this sketch). Poor guy. I’m surprised this portion of the sketch has never been replaced with the dress rehearsal version in reruns.
— Enjoyable ending involving Data giving Picard a human heart dipped in chocolate.
STARS: ****½

THE COSBY MYSTERIES
Bill Cosby (ADS) spouts gibberish, investigates a murder

 

— The return of Adam’s truly bizarre but very funny Bill Cosby impression.
— The portion of this sketch showing Adam’s Cosby privately searching through a file cabinet and then discovering a ring inside a glove (the second above screencap for this sketch) would later be removed from all reruns. Not sure why.
— Adam and Tim keep cracking up throughout their interaction with each other, much like they did in Adam’s previous Cosby sketch, “You Bet Your Life”.
— This overall sketch didn’t work nearly as well as the “You Bet Your Life” sketch, but was still pretty good.
STARS: ***

HELL
Satan’s (host) mystique loses its impact after he chokes on a grape

— What’s the point of them displaying a graphic of this episode’s date (February 5, 1994) at the beginning of this sketch after establishing this takes place in hell? The pointlessness of that date display has a strangely season 20-esque feel to me, for some reason (even though I can’t think of any times season 20 does that specifically).
— Patrick’s panicked exclamations during his choking are cracking me up.
— I love the turn this has taken with Patrick’s suddenly weak threats and his minions questioning his word choices.
— Norm’s delivery is absolutely perfect for this sketch. Such a great early use of his style of humor.
— This sketch is tickling the hell out of me. I’m getting so many laughs from Patrick’s weak threats, the minions snarking on every single thing he says, and him incredulously repeating things he can’t believe the minions are saying to him (which Norm eventually points out).
STARS: ****½

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Whatta Man”

SHOW & TELL WITH SURGEON GENERAL JOYCELYN ELDERS
a visible rectum

 

— The early 90s-era Nickelodeon station ID and jingle played at the beginning brings back SO MANY childhood memories of watching that channel as a kid in this era.
— Very funny opening title sequence and theme song.
— The struggling Ellen Cleghorne gets her first lead role in what feels like a long time. Interesting use of a Joycelyn Elders impression.
— I love Elders’ line about how all of Goldie Hawn’s children are examples of a bastard.
— Very funny anti-anal intercourse lesson from Patrick, especially him bringing out a visual aid of a visible rectum.
STARS: ***½

IT’S NOT THEIR FAULT
defense attorney Leslie Abramson (JUS) with excuses

— What’s with all the sketches tonight placing a public figure in their own TV show? Bill Cosby, Joycelyn Elders, and now Leslie Abramson.
— Talk about a struggling female cast member finally getting a lead role. Julia has gone on to say that this is the ONLY sketch she wrote that got on the air this season, which is one of several things that contributed to her decision to leave after this season.
— Very good performance from Julia here.
— There are some laughs from Abramson’s poor defense of her clients, but this sketch doesn’t feel as funny as it has potential to be, and it has the type of really quiet, dead atmosphere that I’ve been negatively pointing out in the preceding two episodes. However, if this is the worst sketch that tonight’s very solid episode has to offer, then I’ll gladly take it.
— I like Abramson overdramatizing the “Where’s the ball?” trick that kids play on dogs.
STARS: **½

GOODNIGHTS

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IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A very strong episode, and easily the best of the troubled second half of this season so far. There were plenty of great and memorable sketches, and nothing was terrible. Patrick Stewart was a fantastic host who added a great vibe to the show and gave strong performances all throughout the night. It’s very surprising he’s never returned as a host.

MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS

HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Sara Gilbert)
a big step up

My full set of screencaps for this episode is here

TOMORROW
Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger