Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars
WMUR 9 CNN DEBATE
debating GOP candidates trick themselves into endorsing Bill Clinton
— A pretty good laugh from one of the candidates (played by Jim) being a random truck tire salesman.
— I liked this premise better the first time… when it was done in a 1991 sketch with Kiefer Sutherland (Campaign ’92: The Race to Avoid Being the Guy Who Loses to Bush). Tonight’s cold opening is such a blatant knock-off, and pales badly in comparison to the 1991 sketch.
— I do love Tim’s Marvin The Martian-esque voice as Alan Keyes. That’s one of the very few laughs I’m getting from this cold opening.
— Nancy’s rambly speech at the end did nothing for me nor the audience.
— I think this is the first cold opening all season that I’ve given a negative review of.
STARS: **
OPENING MONTAGE
— David Spade has been temporarily removed from the montage, even though he’s still a cast member. We won’t be seeing him appearing on the show these next few episodes. I recall hearing he was given time off from the show to film either a TV pilot or movie (I can’t remember which). This was back in the days where, if a cast member took time off from the show to film an outside project, they were temporarily removed from the opening montage, I assume for contractual reasons.
— Don Pardo starts out this opening montage sounding kinda like his usual self, if a bit lower-key, but suddenly gets hoarse-sounding when he reaches the point of the montage where he announces the musical guest. And then… OH MY GOD, by the time he announces “Ladies and gentlemen, Toooom Arrrnnooooold!”, he sounds absolutely AWFUL. I recall an SNL fan (I believe it’s fellow SNL reviewer and frequent commenter on this site, The Doc) once describing Don’s voice in that part as sounding like an alien was about to burst out of his throat. I’ve never seen a more accurate description of that. I’m guessing Don is suffering from a cold, a theory that’s further backed up by what happens in the very next episode (you’ll find out in my review of it).
MONOLOGUE
host repeats Golden Globes faux pas by carelessly insulting castmembers
— A lame parody of Tom’s controversial comment to Teri Hatcher at that year’s Golden Globes.
— In passing, Tom mentions his “beautiful new thin wife”. Notice he made sure to put “thin” in there. Throwing shade at his ex Roseanne, I see. Maybe this is Tom’s way of getting back at Roseanne for her endless “small penis” jokes about him when she hosted SNL in the preceding season.
— The bit with Tom’s inner thoughts is weak, especially the “Because I’m Tom Arnold!” punchline.
STARS: *½
THE LIFE WE LEAD
news stories are presented in context of a soap opera
— In Darrell’s opening voice-over as the station manager, he introduces himself as Ian Roberts, which appears to be an inside reference, as that’s the name of an Upright Citizens Brigade performer.
— A creative and fun premise, and it’s being executed very well.
— SNL would later do what I recall being an inferior knock-off of this sketch in season 38, in a sketch starring Vince Vaughn and Cecily Strong. Funny how tonight’s episode had a sketch (the cold opening) that was a knock-off of a superior sketch from a few years earlier, and then a later episode would do a knock-off of a superior sketch from tonight’s episode.
STARS: ****
BAKE SALE
Gail Lafferty (NAW) threatens ass kickings for perceived offenses
— Between the preceding episode’s “Martha Freakin’ Stewart!” sketch and now this, SNL suddenly seems to be trying to establish Nancy Walls as a hardass.
— Feels weird seeing so many non-cast members having a speaking role in this sketch.
— As I mentioned in my review of the Church Lady potluck luncheon sketch from season 12, certain minor aspects of both that sketch and tonight’s Bake Sale sketch remind me of each other, especially how both sketches feature a walk-on from the host playing a minister.
— Overall, I was enjoying this sketch for the first few minutes, but it kinda fizzled out towards the end and got too one-note. The ending was also pretty weak. I much prefer the second installment of this sketch from later this season, in which Nancy’s character gets into an EPIC catfight with Teri Hatcher.
STARS: **½
MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “California Love”
WEEKEND UPDATE
a phone call from O.J. Simpson gets NOM up-to-date on search for killers
Joe Blow talks about some other things that make his life more difficult
ADS plays guitar & sings a song about his grandmother
— Very random segment with Norm taking a phone call from O.J.
— What the hell? Is that freakin’ Darrell Hammond doing the voice of O.J. on the phone?!? Why?!? Has Tim suddenly become unavailable mid-show, for whatever reason?
— A laugh or two from the O.J. phone call, but this segment is going on too long and too many parts are dragging.
— A big laugh how after the O.J. phone call segment ends, Norm does one of his trademark O.J. jokes, which is immediately followed by the phone ringing again.
— Seems a bit soon to bring back Joe Blow again, but I can’t complain.
— A great opening spiel from Joe Blow about how his son got busted smoking pot and how that son is now serving time in his room while recovering from a black eye received during the arrest.
— Why is Joe Blow needling Norm over a beer he wants them to have together? Is SNL forgetting that the last time Joe Blow appeared, he and Norm set a date for that beer: April 11th, a date that hasn’t even passed yet by this point.
— First we get a Chris Farley cameo in the preceding episode, and now tonight, we get an Adam Sandler cameo. I’m assuming Adam is promoting Happy Gilmore, much like Chris promoting Black Sheep in the last episode. (Weird to think that those two movies came out in two consecutive weeks.) Also, I wonder if the decision to let Adam and Chris each cameo in an episode this season is Lorne’s way of telling them “No hard feelings” after their recent firing.
— As usual, a very catchy melody to Adam’s Update guitar song.
— During Adam’s song, we get a joke about waxing grandma’s mustache, continuing Adam’s weird comedy obsession with grandmas having beards.
— Adam’s song is fairly fun, but pales in comparison to some of his earlier Update songs. I’m not crazy about how a lot of the lyrics in tonight’s song are just gibberish words.
STARS: ***½
MIRACLES OF SCIENCE WITH PAUL DUNBAR
Braniac’s (host) cranium size belies his smarts
— Ohhhhh, boy. Here comes a notorious sketch that used to have a reputation as one of the all-time worst sketches in SNL history (I say “used to” because this sketch seems to have fallen into obscurity in more recent years).
— Tom Arnold lookin’ like a deformed Conehead.
— Boy, Tom’s performance in this is awful.
— You can practically hear a pin drop in the studio during this sketch. The audience is fucking DEAD.
— My god, the lousiness of this sketch has to be seen to be believed. This is painful to watch.
— Not even the hand-stuck-in-pickle-jar reveal could get so much as a chuckle from me nor the audience.
— Mercifully, the sketch is now over. Jesus Christ. This is indeed one of the worst SNL sketches I’ve ever seen. And here’s the thing: the right host could’ve done SOMETHING for this. The writing for this sketch had kind of a “so dumb, it’s funny” undertone that got completely lost due to Tom’s terrible performance. A much more adept host could’ve possibly ran away with this sketch’s “so dumb, it’s funny” potential. Hell, the next two male hosts coming up this season are John Goodman and Phil Hartman. Couldn’t SNL have saved this sketch for either of those two episodes? Imagine what Phil would’ve done for this sketch.
STARS: *
MRS. KOGEN
naive (JMB) thinks her criminal son (COQ) is engaged in harmless pursuits
— Jim’s old lady character feels kinda like something that tonight’s special guest Adam Sandler would’ve done when he was a cast member. Maybe because I’m being reminded of that Looking After Grandma sketch that Adam once did with Chris Farley and Michael Keaton.
— Will somebody please point Jim to the correct direction he’s supposed to be looking in? Why is he delivering all of his lines to Tom while facing and staring DIRECTLY AT THE FUCKING CAMERA?
— Normally, I’d be happy to see the underused Jim Breuer getting a showcase, but his hammy camera-mugging in this sketch is too much for me, and I’m not crazy about that Joe Pesci-esque voice he’s using for this old lady character, either. And this sketch itself has been mostly doing nothing for me.
— I did get a laugh from Jim’s character claiming her son uses a bong for his asthma.
— Nice to see Colin with a fairly big non-Weekend Update role for once. A sign that he will soon finally start receiving a featured player credit in the opening montage.
STARS: *½
HOSPITAL
hospital orderly Gerald Tibbins prepares (host) for an appendectomy
— (*sigh of relief*) Thank god we have the return of T-Bones to add some much-needed life to tonight’s episode. After the last two sketches, I was almost starting to forget what it’s like to actually LAUGH.
— Kinda funny how not only is this the second sketch tonight to use that same hospital room set, but Tom and Tim are in opposite roles in both sketches, as a doctor and a patient.
— Koechner slipping some Swabby mannerisms into his T-Bones character, with that “kerr kerr kerr” laugh he’s doing.
— Not too crazy about Tom’s straight man performance here, though it’s one of his more tolerable performances tonight by default (which still isn’t saying much).
— What was with the awkward long pause when Tim came back in the room, as if somebody forgot a line? I so want to blame Tom, but I can’t say for sure.
— As always, so many funny goofy lines from T-Bones throughout this sketch.
STARS: ****
FUZZY MEMORIES BY JACK HANDEY
a woodpecker driving dad to suicide
MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “I Ain’t Mad At Cha”
TREE SLICE DISPLAY
a tree slice both explains & embodies outlaw park ranger’s (host) crusade
— Am I supposed to be laughing at this sketch? I’m a minute-and-a-half into this, and I cannot find ANY discernible comedy. The audience apparently agrees with me, judging by the return of their deafening silence from the Miracles Of Science sketch.
— I get the feeling there’s some well-written subtle absurdist humor in Tom’s lines, but it’s not coming through in his awful delivery, especially the way he keeps stumbling over his lines. Perhaps this is yet another sketch tonight that would’ve worked better with a more adept host.
— A cliched twist with Tom being exposed as an impostor and then jumping through the window as an escape. I liked that twist better in that Sam Kinison teacher sketch from season 12.
— And now to make this sketch’s twist even more cliched, we get a typical text crawl ending. (*sigh*) Next, please.
STARS: *
PETCHOW
the packaging of Hank Petchow’s (WIF) rat poison is quite misleading
— Odd that a new fake ad is debuting at the end of an episode. They must be airing this as emergency filler due to the show running either too long or too short.
— I remember when I first saw this commercial back in the very early days of my SNL fandom, it was the first time I took notice of how great SNL’s fake ads are at recreating the look of real commercials. I recall being very impressed by how visually accurate and authentic-looking this Petchow fake ad was, to the degree that, if I hadn’t paid attention to the comedic concept, I’d almost have mistaken this for a real ad.
— This ad is great. So many funny little things all throughout this: Will’s surname randomly being Petchow, the words “rat poison” being written in VERY small letters on the bag, the fact that the rat poison bag inexplicably has a dog’s face on the front of it just because Will loves his dog, the happy commercial jingle at the end suddenly saying the words “rat poison” in a monotone voice, etc.
— I also love the little part with Will trying to keep his dog from eating from the bowl of rat poison, saying “Down, boy, that’s not for you” while laughing into the camera. Another example of how Will always makes a great fake commercial pitchman.
STARS: ****½
GOODNIGHTS
IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— Oof. Yep, this episode was just as bad as I had remembered. Things ALREADY got off to a rough start right out of the gate with a derivative cold opening and a very lame monologue, and, despite a few highlights here and there in the remainder of the show, the episode never fully took off, and it REALLY bottomed-out at a few points in the post-Update half with two absolutely laughless sketches that had me cringing over their unfunniness and dead feeling (Miracles Of Science and Tree Slice Display). By far the weakest episode of this season so far, in my eyes. The less said about Tom Arnold’s hosting performance, the better, except that I am so glad this is the last time he’s ever hosted. How he got three hosting stints while far more deserving people only got one is beyond me.
MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS
HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Danny Aiello)
a big step down
My full set of screencaps for this episode is here
TOMORROW
Elle MacPherson