February 22, 2003 – Christopher Walken / Foo Fighters (S28 E13)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

HARDBALL
French foreign minister (host) enjoys nettling USA over Iraq

— Nice to see that the reliability and popularity of these Hardball sketches has gotten to the point where SNL is now using them as a cold opening. This is especially needed at this point, considering how terrible a lot of cold openings have been in the second half of this season so far.
— Good to see Christopher Walken not only appearing right at top of the show, but in a Hardball sketch to boot.
— Darrell’s Chris Matthews almost slipped into Dennis Miller territory with his “I haven’t seen a group of people this crazy for blood since the Cobra Kai chased Daniel-San out of the Halloween dance in Karate Kid.” All he needed was a more obscure reference and either a “Cha-cha” or a “Ha-HAAAA!” at the end.
— Chris Matthews, to the French foreign minister: “That’s big talk from a country who’s only contributions to world culture in the last 50 years are Gerard Depardieu and that horny skunk!”
— Very funny reveal from Christopher’s French foreign minister that France is only being pro-war “just to be, how you say, douchebag.”
— A lot of Parnell’s lines in this have been forgettable (which is unusual, as he used to always get the funniest lines in Hardball sketches, before he got fired in 2001), but I did like his bit right now about attacking countries in alphabetical order.
— Christopher delivers his very first and, I think, only “Live from New York…”, which he, of course, does in his trademark slow and awkward style. We also get this epic creepy Walken stare into the camera immediately afterwards:

SNL would later replace this “Live from New York…” with the dress rehearsal version in reruns. I can’t remember if he does the creepy-looking camera staredown afterwards in that version or not.
STARS: ****

MONOLOGUE
host sings “Exactly Like You” & brings on some dancing girls

— Well-deserved extended applause for Christopher at the beginning.
— Wow, he dives right into his obligatory song-and-dance number this time, with no set up.
— Funny how he IMMEDIATELY goes into casually speaking to us as soon as his song-and-dance number abruptly stops.
— Just now, Christopher said “crazy mix-em-ups”, a variation of his legendary “crazy make-em-ups” line.
— Christopher’s backup dancers are being played by extras instead of the female cast this time?
— An overall short and intentionally simple monologue with a very careless, “Ehh, let’s get this over with” attitude, which is something that Christopher Walken is one of the few SNL hosts who can get away with making come off acceptable. At the same time, however, I wish this monologue weren’t so half-assed by the writers. Christopher deserved better than this, especially given the epic monologue from his last episode in season 26.
STARS: ***

PRANKSTERS
to (host), murder by tire iron is a hilarious practical joke

— Seth and Kattan are solid at selling the cheesy goofiness of this show.
— Just the mere idea of Christopher being a fan of such a juvenile show like this is hilarious in itself.
— An absolutely priceless turn with Christopher’s “prank” being him violently beating Parnell to death with a tire iron.
— Very funny how the show’s crew is inappropriately continuing to play goofy, cartoonish sound effects when Christopher is proudly bragging about his dark, deathly “prank”.
— I remember a lot of debate on SNL forums back in the day about Seth’s performance in this sketch being overrated. I never got why that was such a hot topic. Seth is fine in this sketch, and this is coming from someone who doesn’t care much for him.
— Christopher, on his hatred of stiffly stifflersons: “I wanna prank them for hours in my basement.”
— Overall, a classic. Remember a few seasons later when SNL inexplicably tries to re-create this classic sketch with fucking Robert DeNiro, of all people? Oh, I’ll definitely have things to say about THAT when we come to it.
STARS: *****

THE CONTINENTAL
The Continental pursues a spokesmodel for his line of beauty products

— This ends up being the final Continental sketch. As of 2020, Christopher has hosted only one additional time after tonight’s episode (which is unfathomable), and that episode breaks tradition by refraining from doing a Continental sketch. Even if Christopher ever makes a hosting comeback anytime in the future, they can probably never do a Continental sketch ever again, as the now-deceased Tom Davis wrote those sketches. (Davis was still alive and well in the final episode that Christopher hosted, which makes me wonder why they refrained from doing a Continental sketch that week.)
— A good laugh from The Continental presenting his female guest with a platter of “fancy” food that includes Ants on a Log and Combos.
— I love Continental calling the female guest his “Arctic hush puppy”.
— Great line with Continental apologizing for letting his “little head think for the big one”.
— Hilarious bit with the floor mirror.
STARS: ****½

RAFT CAPTAIN
after losing his ship, incompetent captain (host) leads liferaft to ruin

— So many laughs from all the things that Christopher is apologizing for. I even love his line about using the lifeboat flares to light his farts.
— Funny how Christopher considers it irrational for Seth to be angry at him for once trying to eat Seth.
— Christopher, during his apology for one wild thing he once did: “I’m out of cocaine now. That stuff’s not gonna happen again.”
— I absolutely love Christopher’s perfectly Walken-esque delivery of “There’s no stopping the BIRD ATTACKS NOW!”
— An awkwardly-written and awkwardly-staged ending that only worked because Christopher is the master at selling awkward.
STARS: ****½

AFRICAN-AMERICAN ARCHIVES
the first African-American to yell at a movie screen (TRM) is honored

— Dean gets a VERY rare lead role, doing a solid Don Cheadle impression. Dean actually previously starred as Cheadle in a fake ad in SNL’s “Weekend Update Halftime Special” from earlier this season (a special that served as NBC’s alternative to ABC’s Super Bowl halftime show while it was airing). In his limited airtime lately, Dean is proving himself to have a Jeff Richards-type knack for doing dead-on impressions of celebrities. I recall Dean having a website at this time that had audio clips of him doing great impressions, even including Homer Simpson.
— A pretty amusing spoof of the old cliche about black people yelling at the movie screen. While I find most comedy material on that subject to be one of the hackiest things ever (including an awful sketch that SNL itself will soon do just a few episodes later when Bernie Mac hosts), it’s working in this sketch because of 1) the incongruously straitlaced, professional way it’s being presented in this format, and 2) Dean’s solid dead-serious delivery when detailing the actions of the first black man to yell at a movie screen.
— Tracy makes his only “appearance” of the entire night here, and I use quotation marks because this technically doesn’t count as an actual appearance, since Tracy’s only shown in still photos. Him basically being absent in tonight’s episode is a bit surprising, given how much SNL has been relying on him this season, but we’re still seeing more of him tonight than we’ll see of Horatio. Not only is Horatio COMPLETELY absent in tonight’s episode, but it’s the second time that’s happened to him in just these past few episodes. Both times Horatio was absent, his lack of presence has barely even been noticeable nor has had any negative effect on the show, which proves how expendable he is.
STARS: ***

COLONEL ANGUS
after the Civil War, arrival of Colonel Angus (host) has oral sex subtext

— One of several dirty wordplay sketches from around these years, and in my opinion, one of the best. I believe this is a bit of a polarizing sketch among SNL fans (or at least it used to be, back in the day), but I’m definitely in the “love it” camp.
— All the innocent-but-suggestive-sounding lines about Colonel Angus are a riot.
— Oh, god, even in a very brief walk-on role, Maya has to do one of her dumb nasal, throaty voices, a standby of hers that’s really starting to annoy me by this point of her SNL tenure. It’s certainly not enough to ruin this sketch for me, especially considering how brief her appearance is and the fact that she only has one line, but that voice is a very unnecessary aspect of this sketch that briefly takes attention away from the dialogue itself, which is a shame, as the dialogue is what’s driving this sketch.
— I love Rachel greeting Colonel Angus by calling him “You old carpet-bagger”.
— A particularly funny line with Colonel Angus requesting to be tapped on the head if he overstays his welcome.
— This sketch is starting to have me in tears.
— Funny how Jeff is the only character in this entire sketch who catches all the dirty innuendo. His “Eww!” when walking off cracked me up.
— Random how this sketch ends with the performers bowing down towards the camera, as if this is a play.
STARS: *****

WEEKEND UPDATE
TIF shows Department Of Homeland Security’s alarming warning signs

Christina Aguilera (MAR) vocalizes her emotions regarding the Grammys

Steve Martin cameo

having quit showbiz, WIF now lives on a farm with Britney Spears [real]

— A very unnecessary, unfunny, and dumb ad-lib Tina made after her opening joke. Immediately after that, the camera cuts to Jimmy staring at the camera with a very deadpan look on his face and he wisely just goes on with the jokes, instead of indulging in Tina’s horrible ad-libbing and giggling. You know, it’s very odd what’s been gradually happening to Tina and Jimmy over the course of this season. It’s like they’ve been switching personalities, with Tina now being the goofball, unprofessional, giggly, weaker anchor who often does the lamer jokes, and Jimmy now being the professional, straitlaced, deadpan, superior anchor who often does the better jokes. What the hell is happening?
— The side segment with Tina showing placards of Homeland Security’s warning signs is a completely laughless waste of time. Tina continues to just get worse and worse as an Update anchor as this season progresses. Considering how strong her first two seasons at the Update desk were, it’s been sad to watch her go downhill.
— A spot-on and pretty funny Christina Aguilera impression from Maya.
— Jimmy translating Maya-as-Aguilera’s wordless musical vocalizations is reminiscent of the famous Bob Dylan bit that Dana Carvey once did on Update.
— Hell yeah! A Steve Martin walk-on out of freakin’ nowhere! I remember how incredible it felt to see this when watching this episode live, mainly because 1) this was Steve’s first SNL appearance in years, and 2) this was the very first time I got to see a Steve Martin appearance while watching an episode live.
— A great Steve Martin bit, with him detailing the step-by-step process of his intentionally simplistic, pointless cameo.
— Jimmy’s been getting some solid mean-spirited deadpan jokes lately, such as his Lara Flynn Boyle joke from a few episodes ago and his Eating Disorder Awareness Week joke tonight.
— The killer cameos in tonight’s Update keep on comin’, as we now get Will Ferrell! Awesome!
— It feels so odd but so nice to see Will appearing in an episode this season, after I’ve gotten so used to SNL without him over the course of this season. His appearance tonight is making me realize just how much I miss him in the cast.
— Yet ANOTHER killer cameo in tonight’s Update, with us now getting Britn– oh. Okay, so, yeah, to an SNL nerd like myself, this Britney Spears cameo is definitely nowhere near the level of a Steve Martin or Will Ferrell cameo. It’s decent enough, though.
— Funny part with Will and Britney admitting they’re horrible farmers and that “all our animals are sick”.
— Tonight’s weekly end-of-Update walk-on from SNL writer Eric Slovin has him dressed in a karate gi and proceeding to karate chop Jimmy’s pencil in half.
STARS: ***

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “All My Life”

CABIN LOVERS
(MAR) wants no part of Dr. Walter’s lusty exploits with Roger & Virginia

— The return of The Luvahs. I’ve developed a better appreciation of these characters when recently reviewing the seasons they regularly appeared in, but of all of the Will Ferrell characters and impressions that SNL could’ve brought back tonight, this isn’t near the top of my list.
— Christopher is reprising the character he played in the Luvahs sketch from the last episode he hosted, though the role of his lover is now played by Maya instead of the no-longer-on-the-show Ana Gasteyer.
— Christopher, on he and his lover’s lovemaking: “She made more expressions than Jim Carrey in Ace Ventura.” That line is even funnier in retrospect, knowing a certain additional and unplanned cameo we’re getting later tonight.
— Hilarious line from Christopher about a “circle yank”. Much like the last time he appeared in a Luvahs sketch, Christopher is getting a lot of the best lines.
— Christopher’s parting words, “I must chase after her… for she is my ride”, was hilarious when he said it the last time he appeared in a Luvahs sketch, but it felt unnecessary to repeat this time.
— Oh, god, speaking of unnecessary, there’s our obligatory and unfunny “Ow my back” ending that these Luvahs sketches always end with.
STARS: ***½

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Times Like These (One-Way Motorway)”; Jim Carrey cameo

— As if we didn’t have enough amazing cameos tonight, we now get JIM FUCKING CARREY making an impromptu walk-on out of nowhere in the middle of Foo Fighters’ performance, playing his leg like a guitar! Absolutely incredible. This cameo, which reportedly was a VERY last-minute decision made on the fly by SNL (IIRC, Jim was in the audience for this episode) and was completely unexpected by Foo Fighters, has definitely got to be one of the most random, exciting, funniest, and best cameos in SNL history, and it’s one of those moments that makes you really appreciate the spontaneity of live TV.
— At the end of the performance, long after Jim Carrey has exited, Dave Grohl acknowledges Jim’s unexpected cameo by saying into the microphone “Thanks, Jim.”

THE RIALTO GRANDE
act of Buddy Mills & fellow lounge comic (host) has an air of pathos

— This sketch has officially become recurring.
— A hilarious corny walk-on from Christopher with his pants down.
— That “Haaaaaaaaa!” laugh that Kattan always does as this character never fails to slay me.
— Christopher: “Here’s a little tune I wrote when I heard it on the radio.”
— Even though they used this joke in the first installment of this sketch, I still got a great laugh from Fred’s delayed rimshot happening during a dark, emotional revelation of Christopher’s.
— Christopher: “The only thing Audrey left me with was her hysterectomy bill… and one of my nuts.”
STARS: ****

GOODNIGHTS

— Christopher Walken, Will Ferrell, Steve Martin, and Jim Carrey… ALL ON ONE STAGE TOGETHER. A truly incredible sight.
— Ha, now we get the Continental camera man appearing on stage in both a long blonde wig AND a dress. These goodnights are simply amazing.

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IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— Another magnificent Christopher Walken episode, and the best episode of this shaky season so far. Not a single bad sketch to be found in this episode, and we got plenty of strong sketches, including two that I consider a classic (Pranksters, Colonel Angus), as well as one classic unplanned moment during Foo Fighters’ second musical performance.

MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS

HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Jennifer Garner)
a step up

My full set of screencaps for this episode is here

TOMORROW
Queen Latifah