April 5, 2003 – Bernie Mac / Good Charlotte (S28 E16)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

PRESIDENTIAL ADDRESS
George W. Bush (CHP) gives an update on the progress of war in Iraq

— (*groan*) Yet ANOTHER Parnell-as-President-Bush cold opening that the copy I’m watching is missing the first few minutes of. Once again, I almost get the feeling that whoever recorded the copies that I’m watching of this season’s episodes did this on purpose. Did he or she hate Parnell’s Bush impression THAT much, or is just a mere coincidence that the only times this season that this person was late in recording the show just happened to be almost every single time there was a Parnell-as-Bush cold opening?
— (*groans again*) Another Parnell-as-Bush cold opening that’s a “tell, don’t show”, straight-to-camera, address-to-the-nation piece, and right after I praised SNL in my review of the preceding episode’s cold opening for going outside of the box and finally doing a Parnell-as-Bush cold opening that, for once, didn’t have him doing a “tell, don’t show”, straight-to-camera, address-to-the-nation piece.
— Hmm, turns out there are actually some laughs in this, unlike the last address-to-the-nation cold opening Parnell’s Bush did.
— This cold opening is already wrapping up, after only a minute? Dammit, that means my copy is missing almost the entire thing, which means I can’t give it a rating.
— This cold opening actually ends on a serious note, with Parnell’s Bush somberly asking us to remember in our prayers the men and women of our armed forces and their families (this is the first live SNL episode after the war in Iraq officially began), then proceeding to deliver “Live from New York…” in a very earnest, respectful manner.
STARS: N/A (I saw too little of this cold opening to rate it fairly)

MONOLOGUE
host does stand-up about coping with the USA being on high alert

— I already know I’m in for some great stand-up here.
— Some funny material about the nation being on high alert during this Iraq war. In some ways, this talk from Bernie Mac about how these are trying times for the nation, how the nation is very tense under these circumstances, and how we’re being ordered to take an extreme amount of safety precautions, all feel awfully relatable to the situation we’re dealing with today.
— To be honest, this isn’t the funniest stand-up material I’ve seen from Bernie. However, I’m certainly laughing at it, and Bernie’s delivery alone always has me cracking up.
— In the monologue from the Tina Fey-hosted season premiere in season 39, Tina shows various clips of herself with other female cast members dancing in hosts’ monologues. One of those clips is from Bernie Mac’s monologue, but that clip is clearly not from the live show, as no such dancing takes place in Bernie’s aired monologue, nor anywhere else in the aired version of this episode. That clip must’ve been from dress rehearsal, but I’m very curious what the deal is. Did Bernie do a completely different monologue in dress rehearsal? Or was his song-and-dance with the female cast members something that appeared at the end of the monologue in dress rehearsal, after he finished the same stand-up material that he would later do in the live show?
STARS: ***½

FENWAY PARK OPENING DAY
on opening day at Fenway Park, Sully & Denise summon beer vendor (host)

— Surprisingly, this is the first Boston Teens sketch since all the way back in the first episode of this season.
— Bernie seems out of place in this recurring sketch, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing, because, as I said before, his delivery always slays me, and his ranting in this sketch has been giving me most of my only laughs so far.
— Nice callback to an earlier Boston Teens sketch (from season 26’s Conan O’Brien episode), with Denise again trying to pass off an I.D. of someone named Evelyn Chang as her own I.D.
— The audience is kinda silent during portions of this, but I can’t blame them. This Boston Teens installment isn’t up to snuff.
— Jimmy slips in some Sandler mannerisms when Sully and Denise are mugging into the jumbotron.
— The marriage proposal fake-out was pretty funny.
— Overall, this felt below par for a Boston Teens sketch, despite some laughs. Between the fact that this was the first Boston Teens sketch in almost an entire season and the fact that the quality of tonight’s installment was off, I feel like I’m witnessing the early stages of the death of this recurring sketch.
STARS: **½

BRAIN BUSTERS
contestants’ ignorance of Black History irks (host)

— After Jimmy politely tip-toes around saying he won’t choose any questions from the Black History category, I got a laugh from Horatio bluntly saying “I don’t wanna.”
— I’m starting to notice that Bernie’s delivery is quite stumbly throughout tonight’s episode. He’s mispronouncing words, skipping some words in his lines altogether, etc.
— I love Bernie’s facial reaction to Jimmy’s answer of which woman refused to give up her seat on the bus: Tina Turner.
— Haha, Horatio answers Tootie to the aforementioned seat-on-the-bus question.
— Man, I am laughing non-stop during this sketch. Between Jimmy and Horatio’s ridiculously bad answers and Bernie’s fiery-mad reactions, I am dying with laughter.
— A priceless part where, immediately after Jimmy claims he’s not a sports guy and, thus, can’t answer the Jackie Robinson question, Bernie calls him out on the fact that he previously answered the whole section on the 1947 Brooklyn Dodgers.
— A great ending with Jimmy’s “I meant to say Tigger with a ‘t’” while Bernie is threateningly grabbing him by the collar.
STARS: ****½

HOT SAUCE CARRY PURSE
(host) & (MAR) salvage a bland party with Tabasco’s Hot Sauce Carry Purse

— What in the world was with Bernie’s odd, exaggerated, overacted delivery of “C’mon, dammiiiiiiit!”
— The look on Will’s face during his corny, bad dancing is hilarious (screencap below).

Man, even in just a small, bland role, Will has the great ability to steal a segment.
— Overall, this commercial did almost nothing for me. A poor execution of a weak premise based on a tired black stereotype.
STARS: *½

MOVIE THEATRE
The Pianist inspires moviegoers (host) & (TRM) to talk to the screen

— Bernie’s line about Moviefone not taking J.C. Penney cards was hilarious.
— During the viewing of The Pianist, I got a huge laugh from Tracy asking, among many questions regarding the movie, “Who the guy with the big nose?” (the soon-to-be horrible SNL host Adrien Brody).
— Oh, god. Now this is turning into a “black people yelling at the movie screen” sketch? Are you fucking kidding me? And just THREE EPISODES after SNL already did a “black people yelling at the movie screen” sketch (albeit an actual funny one)? AND just ONE SEGMENT after SNL already just did a lousy segment based on a tired black stereotype (black people love hot sauce)? Oh, do not get me started…
— A great cutaway to an old white guy from the Warsaw Ghetto giving the Black Power sign while having a deadpan look on his face.
— Why the hell does Bernie keep asking Tracy “Did he touch you?” at the end of every scene? Is that even supposed to be funny? It makes no sense and is getting NO laughs.
— A fairly weak ending.
— Overall, there were actually a few funny lines here and there, but damn, this was a VERY lazy sketch as a whole, and there’s no way in hell I’m giving anything close to a good rating for a weak execution of one of the hackiest comedy premises around (black people yelling at the movie screen).
STARS: *½

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “The Anthem”

WEEKEND UPDATE
embedded reporter Gene Shalit (HOS) offers puns related to war in Iraq

half-sunburned Drunk Girl talks about her Spring Break experiences

country song of U-S-AMEN (WLF) & (CHP) urges boycott of anti-war celebs

— Congratulations, Tina, you finally went through a recent Update without having a terrible and cringeworthy first joke. It’s sad that this has become an amazing feat for her, but that just goes to show you how downhill she’s gone this season.
— The random Lionel Richie music video clip being presented as footage of citizens celebrating on the streets of Baghdad made me laugh.
— During Jimmy and Tina’s set up to a bit about SNL having their own on-site coverage of the war in Iraq, I honestly almost thought for one moment that they were setting up the return of the old One Man Mobile Uplink Unit bits that Al Franken used to do (and actually does eventually come back to do, in a Fey/Poehler Update two seasons later), but it turns out they’re just setting up an appearance from Horatio as fucking Gene Shalit. I cannot stand Horatio’s Shalit bits on Update.
— Okay, it turns out I actually got some chuckles early on from the puns in tonight’s Shalit commentary, but this eventually went off the rails by changing the focus halfway through to a long string of “shitting my pants” jokes.
— Two big nose jokes about Adrien Brody in the same episode? Lazy. Also, I just gotta say this: if only SNL was aware of the horror that awaits them when they soon get Brody to host.
— Oh, no, fucking Drunk Girl. Geez, between Gene Shalit and this, is tonight’s Update bringing out ALL of my least favorite Update correspondents of this era?
— I did at least get an initial chuckle from the visual of Drunk Girl’s half-suntan, but I’ve been silent for almost the entire remainder of the commentary.
— Jimmy and Tina’s “Who let the dogs out?” bit didn’t work for me.
— The raunchy punchline to Tina’s joke about Rosie O’Donnell’s marriage to her female partner (“The two celebrated by eating out”) was considered absolutely killer among SNL fans when this episode originally aired, but I cannot ignore the fact that Tina immediately ruined it by actually CHEERING HER OWN JOKE. I kid you not, folks. Goddammit, Tina. What the hell is happening to you this season?
— I love this pairing of Will and Parnell.
— Will’s southern voice is hilarious.
— A very funny song from Will and Parnell, on the ridiculous lengths they’ll go to boycott anybody and anything that’s anti-war. This continues the hot streak that Will has been on lately in having one killer piece on the show on a weekly basis, starting with the Queen Latifah episode. Unfortunately, that streak already ends in the very next episode, as Will doesn’t appear in any sketches AT ALL that night. For that matter, neither does Parnell. Geez, what happened? Did Will and Parnell both get boycotted for their Update commentary in tonight’s episode? (Lame joke, I know.)
— Funny climax to Will and Parnell’s song, with their lyrics having lots of missing letters that they refuse to use.
— Tonight’s weekly end-of-Update walk-on from SNL writer Eric Slovin has him dressed as a magician, placing Jimmy’s pencil into his own magician’s hat, and then pulling a rabbit out of that hat.
STARS: **½

THE THREE STOOGES 75TH ANNIVERSARY
fourth Stooge (host) beats up on Moe (CHP), Larry (CHK), Curly (JER)

— A Three Stooges sketch!!! If you know me, you know how onboard I am for this.
— Jimmy’s no Edward Norton when it comes to doing a dead-on Woody Harrelson impression.
— Funny visual of Bernie’s ridiculous smiling headshot with the other Stooges’ headshots in the title sequence for their short film.
— Yet another episode in which Darrell is stuck making his only appearance of the night in a semi-awkward non-impression role.
— Some decent Stooges impressions from Jeff, Parnell, and Kattan, though I feel Joe Piscopo, Tim Kazurinsky, and Gary Kroeger did better ones in a sketch from the season 9 finale.
— Bernie’s reaction to getting slapped by Moe was predictable, but is making me laugh.
— Did I just hear Bernie call Moe “super bowl haircut” instead of “sugar bowl haircut”? Why is he mispronouncing so many words throughout tonight’s episode?
— That was a nasty backwards fall Kattan took just now. Was it intentional for him to hit the back of his head on the bench? I get the bad feeling it wasn’t. The last thing he needs is another bad injury from a fall in a sketch, after what happened to him two years prior in that Golden Girls sketch.
— An awkward timing delay occurred at the end of the Stooges portion of this sketch, as Jeff was seemingly forced to vamp for time until the “The End” closing title screen appeared.
— Overall, this sketch was good, but not as strong as I wanted a Three Stooges sketch to be. Again, I prefer the one SNL did in the season 9 finale.
STARS: ***½

NO SMOKING
hoarse bar patrons (host) & (AMP) complain about NYC’s new no-smoking law

— Bernie’s raspy smoker’s voice has me in stitches.
— Ha, now Amy’s doing a fantastic raspy smoker’s voice of her own, along with a great scowl-y facial expression.
— Funny bitter line from Amy towards Michael Bloomberg: “You don’t like secondhand smoke because you’re a secondhand mayor.”
— Feels like Jimmy’s appearing in practically every single sketch tonight.
— Portions of this sketch are starting to feel pretty repetitive.
STARS: ***

SECOND TIME AROUND
Glenda Goodwin is vexed by ex-husband Barry (host)

— OH NO. I hated this sketch the first time it appeared earlier this season, and had completely forgotten that the second installment appears in tonight’s episode. Thankfully, this ends up being the final installment, though Glenda Goodwin will continue to make appearances in other sketches.
— At least we don’t have Matthew McConaughey here to make this sketch worse by giving a terrible, baffling performance like he did in the first installment.
— Very funny walk-on from Bernie.
— I love Rachel’s amused delivery of “Oh, Guh-lenda!” after Glenda Goodwin threatens to punch her in the face.
— Glenda Goodwin keeps using that comically odd pronunciation of Hyundai (“Hi-yun-die-yay”), but it NEVER makes me laugh. That godforsaken nasal, phlegmy-throated voice Maya uses as this character (and way too many other characters lately) is murder on my ears.
— After a surprisingly promising first half, this sketch has been dying a horrible death. I haven’t laughed a single time during this sketch’s second half.
— Why is Joan Petricelli always announced as the next guest in these sketches?
STARS: *½

SWIFFER SLEEPERS
— Oh, god. Not ANOTHER damn rerun of this insufferable commercial (originally aired on 10/12/02). I honestly die a little inside every time I view this dreck.

BRIEFING
Saddam Hussein’s (HOS) advisers sugarcoat news about war with USA

— There’s Jimmy in yet another sketch tonight.
— I got a laugh from how, after Fred’s opening panicky status report to Horatio’s Saddam, Horatio-as-Saddam’s only response is, in regards to Fred, “Who IS this guy?”
— Oh, geez, there goes Horatio breaking as usual for no apparent reason.
— This sketch is dead. Just a whole lot of talking, with no real funny dialogue. Jim Downey strikes again, I take it? “Just a whole lot of talking, with no real funny dialogue” describes an awful lot of political cold openings that Downey’s written for the show in the second half of this season.
— I got a minor chuckle from the airport bit during Kattan’s phone call.
— Boy, that ending was horrible. And does Horatio have to do a silly dance as EVERY character he plays now? He did it as Gene Shalit earlier tonight, and then did it at the end of this Saddam sketch. Hell, he (and Jimmy) even did it at one brief point in the great Brain Busters sketch earlier tonight.
— Lousy sketch overall. Geez, the last third of tonight’s episode is destroying me. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve laughed during the past few segments combined (including goddamn Swiffer Sleepers).
STARS: *½

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Lifestyles Of The Rich & Famous”

DON BANKS’ KING OF “COMEDY” SUITS
black stand-ups prefer Don Banks’ (host) King of “Comedy” Suits

— I like the mention of the leather suits that Eddie Murphy wore, respectively, in his two stand-up movies, Delirious and Raw.
— A laugh from the Martin Lawrence undershorts “for when you go crazy”.
— This kinda reminds me of that Charles Barkley “Big, Tall, and Black Men’s Store” sketch from season 19, mainly in how it’s a little more charming than funny.
— Damn, this is Dean’s first appearance all night? A small walk-on in the final sketch of the episode? I normally wouldn’t be surprised at all by that, but you’d figure he’d get SOME meaty airtime in an episode with a black host, like he did in the Queen Latifah episode a month prior. Then again, Tracy also surprisingly made only one appearance tonight, in that Movie Theatre sketch that wasted his talents.
— I love the ending with Will entering in a pimp outfit while smiling like a goof. Will would later share a story about how, immediately after tonight’s episode ended, he and Seth went to an NBA game (or some other sports game) together, with Will still wearing his pimp outfit from this sketch.
STARS: **½

GOODNIGHTS

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IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A weak episode. The first hour of this episode wasn’t too hot, with only a few good segments in a sea of both mediocrity and unfunny black stereotype humor (the latter being Hot Sauce Carry Purse and Movie Theatre). Then things got even worse in the last half-hour, where this episode really fell off a cliff. Bernie Mac was mostly fine as a host, despite some stumbles in his delivery. He deserved better material than a lot of what he got in this episode.

MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS

HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Salma Hayek)
a step down

My full set of screencaps for this episode is here

TOMORROW
Ray Romano