May 3, 2003 – Ashton Kutcher / 50 Cent (S28 E18)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN
George W. Bush (CHP) polls returning sailors on future military action

— Oh, god, yet another cold opening from the second half of this season that’s a dull, straight-to-camera Bush speech.
— Is this spoofing the Bush “Mission accomplished” speech that would soon go on to be very infamous?
— They sure are waiting a long time to reveal whatever the comedic conceit of this cold opening is supposed to be. I’m almost two minutes into this, and there has not been a single joke yet.
— Okay, now we see what the conceit is: the sailors’ applause throughout Bush’s speech changing back and forth from exuberant to mild, depending on what Bush says. Meh, a nothing-special premise that SNL has already done at least once before (in a very weak and rarely-seen Soviet Central Committee sketch from the Quincy Jones episode in season 15).
— Okay, I did get a laugh from “Those who applauded for North Korea, please give yourselves a round of applause.”
— Bah, just end this cold opening already. It’s going on forever for something with a dull one-joke premise.
— When Parnell delivers “Live from New York…” at the end, the camera doesn’t zoom in on him, for some odd reason. Also odd is the fact that immediately afterwards, when the opening montage begins, the SNL Band is completely silent for the first few seconds before finally starting to play the theme music. What’s going on?
— This ends up being the final appearance of Parnell’s Bush impression. SNL would take the impression away from him the following season and re-cast the role. While Parnell’s impression was no great shakes (it was merely serviceable at best, as I said in an earlier episode review), the material he was given didn’t help, as it failed him more often than not, including tonight.
STARS: *½

MONOLOGUE
having forgotten to wear his pants, host attracts attention of MAR & CHP

— A unique monologue entrance for a host, with Ashton entering in his underwear.
— A good use of inner thoughts to reveal that Ashton has no idea he’s not wearing pants, but suspects he forgot something.
— SNL makes yet another gay reference towards Kattan.
— The homoerotic stuff with Parnell is whatever, but I did laugh at the “Knock yourself out, man” “I just might” exchange between Ashton and Parnell, after Parnell requests to watch this monologue from a dark corner.
STARS: ***½

COUNT CHOCULA SILVER
elderly Count Chocula (JIF) promotes cereal for seniors

— Great make-up job on Jimmy as Count Chocula. I remember when this originally aired, a lot of online SNL fans had a hard time telling it was Jimmy who was playing Count Chocula. Some people even wondered if it was Fred. Revisiting this commercial now, the voice alone is a dead giveaway that it’s Jimmy.
— An odd and random premise.
— Where are the laughs in this? If this is supposed to be funny merely because it’s Count Chocula, of all people, doing a dead-serious commercial about cereal for senior citizens, then I get the comedic potential of that, but it’s not coming through in the execution. This is just dull.
— I finally got one laugh, with Will’s cheesy facial expression when mouthing the words “You’re fine.” As I said a few episode reviews ago, Will has the ability to steal a segment even in a small, bland role.
STARS: *½

JARRET’S ROOM
fan from Iceland (host) tries weed from Amsterdam

— At least they waited a few months to do this sketch again, after the last three installments of this sketch all appeared within a stretch of SIX DAMN EPISODES.
— Ashton playing an Icelandic character named Yaorg, Jarret’s Room’s only viewer, is actually a callback to the very first Jarret’s Room installment, where it was mentioned that a guy in Iceland named Yaorg is the only person who ever watches Jarret’s Room. Nice continuity.
— Man, between Jimmy, Horatio, and Ashton, this sketch is out of control, with a lot of way-too-over-the-top performances. Can’t say it’s making me laugh much.
— Overall, blah. This sketch was just a whole bunch of over-the-top screaming, mugging, and typical Fallon/Sanz giggling, with no actual substance. Even the bits with Seth and Jeff’s side characters fell pretty flat with me.
STARS: **

MADONNA: AN AMERICAN LIFE
Matt Lauer (SEM) looks back on aging Madonna’s (AMP) career

— Funny passive-aggressive opening lines from Seth’s Matt Lauer, regarding being able to handle a show without Katie Couric as his co-host.
— Not many laughs during the Madonna interview so far.
— Okay, I got a laugh just now from Amy’s Madonna defending Swept Away by saying it was “the type of movie that was not supposed to be good.”
— Seth’s Lauer had a good closing line about Madonna: “80 years old, with a vagina closing in on 100.”
STARS: **

PLAGIARISM CLASS
teacher (CHP) busts students who got their term papers from the Internet

— Parnell is absolutely perfect here as a teacher calling out individual students on their moronic plagiarism.
— A good laugh from Ashton’s email that he foolishly turned in as his report.
— The whole phone call bit is hilarious.
— An overall great sketch and it also did a wonderful job of showing off Parnell’s underrated and underutilized leadership skills. Sketches like this solidify the fact that Parnell definitely has some Phil Hartman in him.
STARS: ****

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest & G Unit [real] perform “In Da Club”

WEEKEND UPDATE
Liza Minnelli (MAR) is excited about David Gest’s (CHK) birthday party

TRM eats birthday cake meant for Saddam Hussein, states booty preference

Patrick & Gunther Kelly promote knowledge of SARS prevention with a song

— Boy, Jimmy and Tina sped through their opening sign-on.
— Oh, god, another freakin’ Liza Minnelli/David Gest commentary. I didn’t like the last one they did on Update earlier this season.
— Yeah, so far, no laughs from me at all during this Minnelli/Gest commentary. This is just plain bad writing, and Maya and Kattan’s performances are doing nothing for me. And this commentary is over-relying on the kissing gag.
— I was about to say Tracy’s brief walk-on was just whatever, but his little addendum about his love of thick booties made me laugh, even if it was a lazy joke.
— Finally, an actual GOOD commentary tonight, with us getting the return of Will and Fred’s Kelly Brothers characters.
— Even though the payoff of this Kelly Brothers commentary is the exact same as their first appearance (except for the fact that their nonsensical song has actual lyrics this time), it’s still worthy of good laughs, and Will’s falsetto in these is always killer.
— Tonight’s weekly end-of-Update walk-on from SNL writer Eric Slovin has him dressed as a giant pencil and taking Jimmy’s pencil away as if it’s his own baby.
— A lot of fairly bland, forgettable jokes from Jimmy and Tina in tonight’s overall Update. At least Tina managed to go through her first Update in a while without outright annoying me at any point, though she came a little close with her ad-lib after her awful Tommy Lee/“She had it up to here” joke.
STARS: **

THE FALCONER
animal companions of The Falconer & The Muskrateer (host) do battle

— Awesome to see two big Forte showcases in a row tonight.
— Ashton’s character having his own Falconer-type opening title sequence is pretty funny.
— Ha, I love how they showed The Falconer’s title sequence for a second time in tonight’s installment, with the second instance being a very sped-up version with announcer Steve Higgins speaking comically fast.
— A great insane shouting from Will of the line “LET THE GAAAAMES BEGIIIIIN!”
— I like how tonight’s Falconer installment is focusing more on the Falconer himself than usual. Usually, he only appears at the beginning and end of these sketches.
— Great montage of Donald the Falcon and Ashton’s muskrat competing against each other in various games. The part with them playing Quarters is particularly funny.
STARS: ****½

NO PUNKING
host tries to convince TRM, DEE, LOM that they won’t be Punk’d

— Ah, another post-sketch Tracy-chatting-with-the-host bit, though the last one with Sarah Michelle Gellar earlier this season was fairly underwhelming.
— Ashton apologizes to Tracy for a sketch of his titled Dude Where’s My Weed getting cut after dress rehearsal (which is just a joke for this sketch), and a carefree Tracy tells him he’ll do it in next week’s episode, as it’s perfect for… um, the next host, who Tracy mentions by name, but I’ll wait until the end of this episode review to reveal who it is, because this certain host, uh… deserves a special mention, let’s just say. (You’ll see why.) Anyway, at dress rehearsal, Ashton’s line about Tracy’s cut sketch had the title being Big Dick Black Guy instead of Dude Where’s My Weed. It’s needless to say why SNL had to change that title for the live show.
— Something funny in retrospect about the premise of this sketch, with Ashton trying to assure Tracy that he would never prank him as part of his Punk’d show, is the fact that Ashton really does end up doing a Punk’d episode where he pranks Tracy, just a few months after tonight’s episode originally aired, IIRC.
— For obvious reasons, I keep forgetting Dean is even still in the cast. That being said, it’s good to see him getting airtime as himself here, which is very rare. I believe this ends up being the final semi-big role he would end up ever getting on SNL, as we’re in the homestretch of his short-lived SNL tenure.
— This, I believe, ends up being our final onscreen display of the excellent running chemistry between Tracy and Lorne (not counting any instances in any of Tracy’s future hosting stints), as Tracy is another cast member who’s tenure we’re in the homestretch of.
— A nice variation of the obligatory “Get me a soda, bitch!” routine, with Lorne not even needing to be told it this time, as Tracy’s mere facial expression causes Lorne to respond “That’s an orange soda, right? Okay, be right back.”
— I like the stern staredown Tracy and Dean both give Lorne when Lorne comes back to ask them to clear up confusion he has over the drinks they requested.
STARS: ***½

POLITICS TODAY
high school dropouts ignorantly address issues of the day

— We get the return of Darrell’s Skeeter character from the Extreme Hunting With Ted Nugent sketch from all the way back in season 24. Darrell has played some unnamed redneck characters between that Extreme Hunting sketch and tonight’s episode who might’ve also been Skeeter.
— I love Tracy’s smug facial expression when silently pausing for a while after telling Fred “I didn’t understand most of the words in your question, so I’m just gonna start talking.”
— As a 90s kid, the cutaway to Ashton being seen playing with an old-school Game Boy serves as a nice blast of nostalgia for me.
— After a pretty good amount of laughs in the first half, this sketch has been starting to feel kinda bland and a lot of the dialogue is kinda washing over me. Darrell’s Skeeter is at least reliable for occasional laughs here, as there’s a “so bad, it’s good” quality to this character’s stupid one-liners. However, it feels kinda sad seeing Darrell relegated to doing THIS as his only appearance of the night. Why couldn’t he take the various hints he’s been getting lately that it’s clearly time for him to leave SNL?
— Further proving my points that 1) it’s time for Darrell to leave, and 2) his heart just hasn’t been into SNL lately, he can be seen dropping character and IMMEDIATELY walking off the set before the camera has even cut to this sketch’s closing title sequence. Not a big deal, but he’s been doing this quite a bit lately at the end of sketches. Who does he think he is – Norm Macdonald?
STARS: **½

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest & Nate Dogg [real] perform “21 Questions”

50’S ENT.
death row inmates boo doo-wop group ’50s Ent. (JIF), (FRA), (host), (CHK)

— Great to see yet another big role for Will tonight.
— Wow, is this Kattan’s first appearance all night?!? It sure feels like it. An obvious sign that we’re witnessing the end of Kattan’s tenure (though he’s been having a surprisingly good second half of this final season of his). With Kattan being almost non-existent tonight and Fred being much more prominent than usual, it feels like there’s a passing of the torch. (You could probably also make that same statement with Will in place of Fred.)
— Oh, wait, I just remembered that Kattan was in that Liza Minnelli/David Gest commentary on Weekend Update earlier tonight. I was probably trying to erase that from my memory, given how much I hated it.
— Pretty funny how after Will introduces 50 Cent, out comes a corny, white, 1950s throwback doo-wop group.
— I absolutely LOVE Will’s constant southern-accented yelling of “Shut the eff up!” when the prisoners are booing the doo-wop group’s musical number.
— I cracked up at Tracy’s (who’s been all over the second half of tonight’s episode) mere delivery of “Man, you ain’t no 50 Cent!”
— Funny reveal of the doo-wop group being named 50’s Ent. (short for 50’s Entertainment), which explains the 50 Cent mix-up.
— A huge gaffe has happened just now, where the off-camera SNL Band has accidentally begun playing the wrong background music for a song that 50’s Ent. is about to sing. As this incorrect background music is playing, the cast members playing members of 50’s Ent. look at each other confusedly, then some of them (Jimmy and Fred) start hesitantly singing in a very awkward, hushed manner while stifling laughter, before the SNL Band begins playing the correct background music.
— Ha, during 50’s Ent.’s singing right now, Will makes a great ad-lib in response to the aforementioned background music gaffe, by yelling at the booing prisoners “So they made a little mistake! You give them some respect!” Very quick thinking on his feet there.
— Why does Kattan keep hitting Fred throughout this sketch every time Fred says something? I don’t understand that. I guess in a way, though, that’s another odd, subtle passing of the torch between Kattan and Fred.
— Speaking of Kattan, he has not said a single word during this entire sketch. Yep, the man’s time on SNL is so clearly coming to a close.
— After being slapped on the face by Kattan just now, Fred pauses awkwardly, then helplessly starts laughing out of character and tries to hide it from the camera by turning away and standing close to Jimmy (who begins cracking up himself, naturally). A very rare instance of Fred breaking during his early years on SNL. (Remember how he’s the ONLY performer not to laugh out of all the performers sitting at the table in the legendary first Debbie Downer sketch from the following year?) I wonder if Fred laughed here because he was letting out a bit of anxiety over how the aforementioned background music gaffe from the SNL Band threw off the sketch.
— We get yet another good ad-lib about the aforementioned background music gaffe, this time with Jimmy telling the prisoners “The band don’t even know what song they’re playin’… thanks to you guys”.
— Even just the way Tracy says “We wanna hear more doo-wop!” has me cracking up. God, I’m gonna miss his inherently funny delivery when he soon leaves SNL. He is truly a one-of-a-kind cast member, and I recall the following season’s cast feeling like it was missing a little something without him and his ability to effortlessly save sketches.
— Ha, we now get the funny visual of Tracy’s hardcore prisoner character singing whitebred doo-wop with 50’s Ent.
— The bloopers, ad-libs, and performances have been enhancing this sketch, as the material itself is just whatever.
STARS: ***

STRAIGHT TALK
Rerun from 1/18/03

GOODNIGHTS

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IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— Not too bad, but this episode was nothing special as a whole. Things started out rough in the first 15-20 minutes (minus the monologue). Starting with the Plagiarism Class sketch, the show got better, but even so, there were still occasional weak or iffy things here and there.

MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS

HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Ray Romano)
a mild step down

My full set of screencaps for this episode is here

TOMORROW
(*groan*) Adrien Brody