May 17, 2003 – Dan Aykroyd / Beyonce (S28 E20)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

HARDBALL
Al Sharpton (TRM) has little chance to become president in 2004

— Good to see Dan Aykroyd appearing right at top of tonight’s episode.
— Hilarious line from Dan’s Andrew Card suggesting that, to have a candidate who’s universally adored, the democrats need to lower the voting age to 6 and nominate Spongebob Squarepants.
— Chris Matthews, regarding Rick Santorum: “Please welcome the man who put the ‘idiot’ into… ‘he’s an idiot’.”
— So many laughs from Parnell’s Rick Santorum unconvincingly clarifying how un-bigoted he supposedly is towards gay people.
STARS: ****

MONOLOGUE
DAA & JIB perform “Time Won’t Let Me”

— Man, it feels so nice to see Dan standing on that home base stage as the host.
— Just now, Dan made a very sentimental mention of John Belushi no longer being with us, which actually put a lump in my throat just now.
— I got an unintended(?) laugh from Jim Belushi’s facial expression when cornily dancing his way onstage during his entrance, though it’s more of a “Man, that’s pathetic” laugh, from seeing a man his age dancing like that.
— I believe this is the first and only time that Jim Belushi has appeared in a regular SNL episode after leaving the cast.
— Nothing to say about the musical number itself. At least it’s not another full-on post-John Belushi Blues Brothers routine, and the song is high-energy, but this whole thing is very whatever.
— I like Dan’s special mention at the end of this being Tracy and Kattan’s last show.
STARS: N/A (I don’t usually rate stuff like this)

TOP O’ THE MORNING
William’s dad (DAA) & many siblings fill the bar

— A laugh from the opening sponsor bit with Colin Farrell’s Anti-Bacterial Cream (“You put it on when you can’t remember WHERE you put it last night.”)
— The flashback sequences regarding Seth’s black eye are funny, and I always get a kick out of when SNL makes it obvious that they’re performing a flashback sequence live.
— Dan is pretty fun here, and is coming off as a natural in this recurring sketch.
— I love Dan sternly telling one child he catches with an alcoholic drink, “Not until you’re 13.”
— Some good ad-libbing from Seth in response to Dan unintentionally having some egg yolk on his face.
— A good laugh from the bit about one of the many Irish kids being named Julio because the family ran out of Irish names.
— Overall, this was EASILY the best Top O’ The Morning sketch to air up to this point. Some good laughs throughout this, a great performance from Dan, and a nice general atmosphere and energy all made this much better than this sketch usually is.
STARS: ***½

THE RIALTO GRANDE
Buddy Mills introduces son (Kip King) & reconciles with old friend (DAA)

— One of Kattan’s two swan-songs tonight. This recurring sketch, though very similar in each installment, is always very enjoyable, and is nice to see in Kattan’s final episode.
— Kattan’s Buddy Mills introduces his son in the audience (the third above screencap for this sketch), which is actually an inside reference as part of Kattan’s farewell, as Buddy Mills’ son is being played by Kattan’s real-life father, actor Kip King, who I recall hearing Kattan based this Buddy Mills character on.
— Now Buddy Mills introduces Dan’s character as being the voice of Tailor Smurf, which is another inside reference to Kattan’s real-life father, as Kip King was the voice of one of the Smurfs (not sure if it was Tailor Smurf or not, though).
— I love Dan’s goofy vocalizations when pulling the banana out of the front of his pants.
— Overall, the usual solid Rialto Grande installment, ending a nice regular run of these sketches (not counting the return it makes in one of the episodes that Kattan cameos in the following season).
STARS: ****

THE FALCONER
Donald joins a biker gang while The Falconer sinks in quicksand

— Tonight’s season finale seems to be SNL trotting out the biggest recurring sketches of the season.
— Even though it feels kinda odd seeing another Falconer sketch so soon, after SNL last did one only TWO EPISODES AGO, I certainly have no complaints, as The Falconer sketches are always strong and very reliable.
— A random John Goodman cameo (and he’s barely recognizable under that sunglasses and fake beard), which makes sense in tonight’s episode, given how often Dan has cameod in past John Goodman-hosted episodes.
— Hilarious visual of Donald the Falcon giving Dan the middle finger.
— I love the ridiculous fight scene between Donald the Falcon and all the bikers.
— Ha, I just spotted Tom Davis as one of the bikers getting beat up by Donald (screencap below).

— Great ending to the fight scene, with Donald gruesomely pulling out Dan’s heart.
STARS: ****½

TV FUNHOUSE
“Cokee, The Most Expensive Dog In The World” by RBS- Ben Affleck buys Jennifer Lopez a Robert Duvall look-alike dog

— The animation here looks a little different from usual TV Funhouse cartoons. Is this spoofing an animated series that I’m unaware of?
— The voice Amy is using as Jennifer Lopez is pretty funny.
— Very random premise of Ben Affleck and J.Lo having a dog who looks like Robert Duvall.
— What’s with Amy’s J.Lo ending a lot of her sentences with “…and split” instead of “…and shit”? There’s something strangely funny about that, even though I don’t get it.
— Quite an odd overall cartoon. I’m not even sure if I liked it as a whole or not, despite some laughs I got. I still kinda get the feeling this was spoofing something that I’m unaware of.
STARS: **½

DONATELLA VERSACE BACKYARD BARBEQUE
Anna Nicole Smith (John Goodman) visits

— SNL continues tonight’s theme of all the sketches being the biggest recurring sketches of the season.
— Yes! We get to see Jeff’s eerily spot-on and funny David Letterman impression again. Hope he gets better material than he got last time, in that News Media sketch from the preceding season.
— Ehh, Jeff’s Letterman ended up being wasted in this sketch too, just playing straight man to Versace. It’s a shame that SNL doesn’t know how to give Jeff’s perfect Letterman impression funny material.
— Ha, Goodman as Anna Nicole Smith is worth some cheap laughs, and is helping to enhance this somewhat meh sketch a little.
STARS: **½

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest & Jay-Z [real] perform “Crazy In Love”

WEEKEND UPDATE
Drunk Girl thinks she’s in a tanning bed & flashes JIF

in a terrible re-enactment, CHK recapitulates his career at SNL

— Normally, I’d groan at yet another Drunk Girl appearance, but at least they’re shaking things up a bit in her appearance tonight, which is making her shtick come off a little fresher than usual. Though I gotta say, Jesus Christ at all that skin she’s showing here.
— A callback to the punching bit between Jimmy and Tina from the Update in the Ray Romano episode a month prior. At least the punch sound effect actually plays this time.
— Jimmy has a lot of solid jokes tonight. Tina, on the other hand? Ehhh…
— Oh, I absolutely love the meta premise of Kattan doing a Terrible Re-Enactment of his own SNL tenure. Thumbs-up to whoever came up with this idea.
— So much fun seeing Kattan performing a quick sample of each of his biggest SNL characters and impressions, even the characters/impressions that I don’t care for. I particularly like seeing Kattan doing a sample of the characters that he hasn’t played in years (e.g. Roxbury Guy, Azrael Abyss), because it’s bringing back nice memories of me reviewing their sketches earlier in this SNL project of mine. I also love how one of the characters Kattan reprises is randomly Molly Shannon’s Mary Katherine Gallagher.
— I have so much goodwill towards this Terrible Re-Enactment segment that even the big Mango ending has me smiling.
— Overall, wow, what a wonderful farewell from Kattan. This was such a great way for him to go out, and it ALMOST makes me sad that he’s leaving. (Almost.)
STARS: ***

ASTRONAUT JONES
Astronaut Jones & (DAA) encounter yet another busty space vixen (MAR)

— And now, here’s Tracy’s own farewell.
— I like the Ghostbusters-esque feel of Dan’s character (assuming that’s what SNL is going for here).
— A fantastic twist at the end of the usual routine of these sketches, with Maya breaking the fourth wall by dropping character and responding to Astronaut Jones’ typical horny one-liner with a stern “You know what, Tracy? Don’t.”, and Tracy responding to that with “Aw, cut the crap, Maya! You know I been wantin’ to get you pregnant!” I cannot think of a more perfect punchline to end Tracy’s SNL tenure with. I only wish SNL placed this as the 10-to-1 sketch of the night, because the punchline of this Tracy Morgan swan-song would’ve been a fun and fitting way to close this episode.
STARS: ****½

LA CUISINA CANINA
canines sample the cuisine at an upscale restaurant run by & for dogs

— First non-recurring sketch all night.
— Interesting premise, even if it reminds me a little of a sketch from the Dolly Parton episode in season 14. The similarities are nowhere near stark enough, though, to call this another case of a sketch this season possibly plagiarizing a sketch from SNL’s late 80s era, after the Self-Involved Guy sketch from the preceding episode.
— I recall a lot of SNL fans finding this sketch cringey, but I dunno, I myself have never hated this sketch. I’m finding a charm to it during this current viewing, even though I’m not laughing out loud.
— Feels odd seeing Darrell in a role like this at this point of his SNL tenure.
— Dean appears in his final SNL role (and his only appearance all night), and of course, it’s just a small role where he gets only one line. I guess that’s a fitting way to close his short-lived SNL tenure. It’s probably assumed by most people that he got fired after this season, but I recall finding out sometime before the following season began that he actually left on his own to join the cast of a then-upcoming new ABC sitcom. However, the sitcom ended up not even making it to air.
— A nice groan from both me and the audience when Goodman is presented with a “Bitches Piss Martini”.
— The “butt-sniffing ban” bit at the end is a decent parody of the New York smoking ban that was then-recently imposed.
STARS: ***

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Dangerously In Love”

DR. DEACON’S HAUNCH CRACK POWDER
Sam Elliott (DAA) stays dry with Dr. Deacon’s Haunch Crack Powder

— Great delivery from Dan as Sam Elliott.
— A cheap laugh from Dan applying the powder “back there”.
— Another cheap laugh from scented paste coil that Dan pulls out from “back there”.
— That’s Tom Davis doing the closing voice-over, which makes me wonder if he wrote this sketch. I can kinda picture this being something he would’ve written for Dan back in the original era. In fact, I can picture this being one of those live fake ads that would appear in the middle of Weekend Update in seasons 1 and 2, back when Update would regularly have a fake commercial break in the middle.
— Overall, not too bad for something with a questionable and juvenile premise, and Dan sold this VERY well. However, this shouldn’t have been the final sketch of the season. And I still say the Astronaut Jones sketch should’ve been placed here.
STARS: ***

GOODNIGHTS

— Aww, Tracy’s tugging at my heartstrings with how sad he looks here. You can tell it’s very emotional for him to part ways with SNL.

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IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A decent season finale. There was an atmosphere that made the quality of this episode feel even better, and I attribute that atmosphere to Dan Aykroyd’s presence, as he was a solid host and added a nice fun vibe to the show, even if it didn’t feel like he was utilized to his full potential.

MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS

HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Adrien Brody)
a step up

MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS ENTIRE SEASON, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS

HOW THIS OVERALL SEASON STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING SEASON (2001-2002)
a big step down

My full set of screencaps for this episode is here

TOMORROW
Season 29 begins, with host Jack Black, and the addition of two new cast members, one of whom would go on to have a record-breaking long-lasting SNL tenure that continues to this day