Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars
CALIFORNIANS FOR SCHWARZENEGGER
Arnold Schwarzenegger (DAH) gives non-specifics of his five-point program
— Darrell’s Arnold Schwarzenegger impression, which was never all that great to begin with in its prior appearances, has really slipped by this point. The voice is quite a ways off. Unfortunately, this would end up becoming the default version that we would semi-regularly see of Darrell’s Arnold impression.
— His “solution” for jobs is pretty funny.
— Some more decent laughs from his vague, overly simplistic statements about other things he would fix, like education and crime.
— After Darrell says “Live from New York…”, the screen does a hard cut to the (new) opening montage instead of crossfading into the montage. I’m pointing this out because tonight’s episode is the official point where it would become a long-lasting tradition for SNL to transition into the opening montage with a hard cut instead of a crossfade, a tradition that continues to this day in 2020, I believe.
STARS: ***
OPENING MONTAGE
— New montage.
— A very impressive and fun style and visual quality to this opening montage, feeling like a modernized hybrid of the big-budget continuous-shot style of season 10’s opening montage and the first-person perspective of the second opening montage from season 11. The very impressive visual quality of this montage makes sense, given the fact that it was directed by Dave Meyers, director of MTV music videos such as Missy Elliott’s “Work It”, though something unfortunate about this is that it kinda foreshadows how this SNL season in general will be pandering awfully hard to the MTV audience.
— Will Forte, Seth Meyers, and Jeff Richards have all been promoted from featured players to repertory players.
— Finesse Mitchell and Kenan Thompson have been added to the cast tonight.
— After being credited on a regular basis in every opening montage since season 12, the SNL Band receives no credit in this new montage. This lack of an opening montage credit for the SNL Band would unfortunately go on to be a regular thing that continues to this day in 2020, at least in regular SNL episodes. I hear that the special SNL At Home episodes that SNL has been doing lately has credited the SNL Band in the opening montage (no, I haven’t seen those episodes myself yet, as I’ve been on hiatus from watching new SNL episodes ever since December 2018, and I won’t break from that hiatus until I eventually review all of the episodes that I’ve missed during that hiatus), but as far as I’m aware, those SNL At Home episodes don’t count as regular SNL episodes. The SNL Archives page for the first SNL At Home episode (link here) seems to agree with me, as there’s no official episode number listed for it like regular SNL episodes are typically given on that site, plus the fact that on that site’s Season 45 page (link here), SNL At Home is listed under the “Specials” tab instead of the “Episodes” tab. [ADDENDUM: SNL Archives now counts the SNL At Home episodes as regular SNL episodes.] (Not to get even further off-topic in this review, but those SNL At Home episodes kinda throw a wrench into my plans for this SNL project of mine. Right from the start, I had always made it a rule for this SNL project that I will only review regular episodes and no specials, as stated on my home page, and it’s a rule that I sternly refuse to break. If I allow myself to bend the rules and review one or two specials, then to me, my SNL project will always have an incomplete feel, because I would have reviewed one or some of the specials, but not others. However, I’ve seen some online SNL fans make the point that they personally consider the SNL At Home episodes to be part of SNL’s roster of regular episodes, which really confuses me over whether I should review them or not when I arrive at that point of SNL’s timeline. As of now, I’m siding with SNL Archives and not counting SNL At Home as regular episodes. So, at the risk of potentially disappointing some of you readers, the plan right now is for me to not review the SNL At Home episodes, unless someone can make a strong and convincing argument that those officially count as being part of SNL’s roster of regular episodes.) [ADDENDUM: After a strong and convincing argument from various commenters, I’ve decided to review the SNL At Home episodes.]
MONOLOGUE
host says “not this Jack” to ego trip prospect; WIF & Kyle Gass cameos
— New home base stage. I remember how exciting this was at the time, but little did I know just how insanely long this home base stage would last, still being used to this day, 17 years later, which sadly makes me lose all hope that we’re EVER going to see a new home base stage. Given that SNL has kept this home base stage for the exact same period of time that Kenan Thompson has been in the cast, it almost makes one wonder if SNL is waiting for Kenan to leave until they finally change the home base stage.
— Jack Black is doing a great job right out of the gate getting the audience hyped up. His typical energy is perfect for a season premiere monologue.
— An around-the-studio musical number from the host, in the tradition of things like Steve Martin’s Not Gonna Phone It In Tonight cold opening and Mike Myers’ monologue.
— Funny bit with Jack asking the two new cast members “What’s your names?”, then IMMEDIATELY cutting them off with “Like I care!” Amusing to see in retrospect that this is how record-breaking long-tenured cast member Kenan Thompson was introduced on SNL.
— Speaking of Kenan, it feels just as odd as I expected for me to have officially reached the tenure of a cast member who’s currently still on the show today, which makes me realize I’m slowly getting closer and closer to reaching the modern-day era of SNL and completing this SNL project of mine. Then again, it will be 8 seasons until I reach the debut of the second longest-tenured current cast member, Kate McKinnon, and by the time I reach that season, Kate may have already left the current cast.
— Holy hell, a random casual and quick Will Ferrell cameo, getting shoved face-first out of the way by Jack.
— Now the (almost) entire cast is joining Jack’s musical number, interestingly in the exact same spot in SNL’s studio that the entire cast joined Steve Martin in the portion of the aforementioned Not Gonna Phone It In Tonight cold opening where the cast sings the lyrics “We’re gonna learn our lines, do our parts well, then we’ll go back to coasting… etc.”.
— Horatio’s attempt at scatting is very funny.
— Ah, I knew SNL wouldn’t let Will Ferrell’s only appearance in this monologue just be a very quick, barely-noticeable, non-speaking appearance in which he just gets shoved face-first by Jack, though at the same time, it would’ve been absurdly hilarious if SNL did leave that as his only appearance in this monologue.
STARS: ****
HUGGIES THONG
Huggies Thong diapers may not stop leaks, but they sure are fashionable
— Rachel looks like she lost quite a bit of weight over the summer.
— In the past, I’ve always been pretty meh on this commercial (maybe because of the huge overexposure it would get this season, with it being repeated in WAY too many of this season’s episodes), but it’s coming off harmless enough during this current viewing, and I admit it’s a funny premise for a fake ad.
STARS: ***
QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GAL
(TIF) gets lifestyle advice from lesbians
— I see SNL’s wasting no time in immediately spoofing that summer’s hit new reality show, Queer Eye For The Straight Guy.
— Interesting seeing Paula Pell in a co-starring role, even though she has no actual dialogue here.
— A huge laugh from Jack’s lesbian character asking Tina “Where are your dildos?!?”
— The newspaper/magazine reviews shown throughout this aren’t that funny.
— Jack: “We should tear this carpet up.” Tina: “You guys would know about tearing up carpet.” A very funny line on paper, but something about Tina’s delivery of it didn’t quite work for me. The fact that she probably wrote that line herself (which I’m only assuming, as the writing of this sketch in general seems like her style) also gives her delivery of it a self-indulgent feel that I don’t like.
STARS: **½
THE WADE ROBSON PROJECT
awful dancers (MAR), (AMP), (host) flail
— (*sigh*) More early proof that this season of SNL will be pandering hard to the MTV audience. I also don’t like how the first two lead-off sketches of tonight’s season premiere are BOTH reality show parodies.
— Maya reuses the leaning-all-the-way-back-in-a-staccato-manner dance move from the MTV Spring Break sketch she did with Cameron Diaz in season 27.
— Some of the dialogue is falling kinda flat with the audience.
— A good laugh from one part of Amy’s dance sequence, where she mimes giving birth and then throwing the baby away.
— Jack’s performance and dance sequence is hilarious, and is giving this tepid sketch a much-needed boost. I especially love him doing the Russian Cossack dance move.
— The ending bit with Seth’s Wade Robson telling each dancer how bad they are is another portion of this sketch that’s falling flat.
STARS: **
COOKING CLASS
long-haired chef (host) teaches Vasquez, Gabe, Ruth, Pete (CHP) to cook
— Our third and final sketch with this group of student characters (though Horatio’s Vasquez will continue to make other appearances), but the A.J. character played by the no-longer-on-the-show Tracy Morgan has been replaced with a new character named Pete, played by Parnell.
— Another Jack Black character tonight that is so perfect for him that you would think he wrote it himself.
— A pretty good laugh from Jack’s character being unaware that his long curly hair is dipping into the pot of sauce while he’s speaking.
— Fred continues to kill me as his Gabe character.
— Rachel’s constant mentions of her allergies are getting tired.
— The band-aid ending was very funny.
STARS: ***
TV FUNHOUSE
“Yankee Super-Heroes” by RBS- deep pockets empower baseball mercenaries
— Why is Stuart Scott being voiced by Parnell, of all people?
— A good laugh from the photo seen in each Yankee player’s locker.
— I don’t know why, but the voice for Derek Jeter is cracking me up. There’s also a funny gag with him singing a Mariah Carey-esque sonic shriek as a weapon against enemies.
— Some laughs throughout this overall cartoon, though this felt a little on the unmemorable side.
STARS: ***
MUSICAL GUEST INTRO
— Jack mistakenly pronounces John Mayer’s last name as “Myer”, then makes a very funny and genuine “Oops!” face as the camera pans away from him (screencap below).
MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Bigger Than My Body”
WEEKEND UPDATE
doped-up Rush Limbaugh (JER) is unapologetic about racial insensitivity
FIM recalls birthday party at Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon screening
Bill Cosby (KET) scuffles with Wanda Sykes (MAR) at Emmy Awards
— This is the second of only two appearances for Jimmy tonight, and the first was a quick non-speaking appearance in the monologue. His airtime is going to be unusually light in the first half of this season, as he’s filming the movie Taxi.
— Jimmy’s brief vocal impression of Arnold Schwarzenegger was very spot-on, putting Darrell’s impression to shame and making one wonder why SNL didn’t cast Jimmy in that role, other than the fact that SNL feels the need to justify Darrell’s unnecessary ninth season in the cast.
— An interesting out-of-the-ordinary set-up to Jeff’s Rush Limbaugh commentary.
— For some reason, it feels a little out of place and dissonant seeing Jeff in this season. Maybe because I now know what’s to come for him mid-season…
— As expected, Jeff’s Rush Limbaugh is yet another spot-on celebrity impression from him.
— A very funny line from Jeff’s Limbaugh about how he regrets the timing of his various controversies, as the possibility of him going to jail just so happens to be right after he pissed off a lot of black guys.
— Wow, a lame photo-based joke (the one about Laura Bush) that feels like a bad throwback to the old days of Update where lame photo-based jokes were a lot more common. (Dennis Miller is especially remembered by some SNL fans today for relying almost entirely on lame photo-based jokes. I disagree with that assessment of Dennis, but that’s another topic.) I think it was the Norm Macdonald era of Update where SNL finally got away from their bad habit of photo-based jokes.
— Giving Finesse Mitchell his own stand-up commentary on Update is a good way to introduce him in his first episode, though it certainly doesn’t make one forget about Tracy Morgan, who’s spot in the cast Finesse was seemingly hired to fill in.
— Kinda lame how Finesse’s commentary is focusing on a movie that came out THREE YEARS prior (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon), especially since Tina set his commentary up as being about the new Denzel Washington movie Out Of Time. Finesse must’ve taken this commentary from an old stand-up routine of his, but couldn’t he have updated it?
— I’m having a hard time enjoying this Starkisha routine that Finesse is doing in his commentary, knowing in retrospect that this whole Starkisha bit would soon be spun-off into an unbearable recurring sketch.
— I really like how Jimmy is doubling down on the Norm Macdonald-esque deadpan, blunt punchlines and delivery that he began honing the preceding season. I know Jimmy is certainly no Norm, but still. And it’s certainly preferable to the mediocrity that Tina’s been dishing out lately at the Update desk.
— The random evil twin bit with Jimmy and Tina made me laugh, just because of how funny Jimmy looked in that fake big mustache.
— Here comes Kenan Thompson in his very first big SNL role, doing the Bill Cosby impression that he used to do back in his All That days on Nickelodeon.
— I am absolutely howling at the way Kenan’s Cosby keeps saying “Get out of m’face.” The fact that Kenan can get this big a laugh out of me in his first episode is impressive.
STARS: ***
CAT’S IN THE CRADLE
while onstage, guitarist (host) broaches childhood issues with dad (HOS)
— This is the very first sketch written by newly-hired SNL writer and future cast member Jason Sudeikis.
— Kenan looks so baby-faced here compared to how he looks today.
— Pretty funny reveal of Jack’s stepmom being Shelley Long, portrayed amusingly by Amy.
— Some funny lines from Horatio, such as him saying Jack’s cat had Lou Gehrig’s Disease, and him justifying his own drunkenness one Halloween by saying he was dressed as Abraham Drinkin’.
— Knowing that Jason Sudeikis wrote this, the constant mentions of the sitcom Cheers make a lot of sense, as Jason is George Wendt’s nephew. (Am I the only one who can see a bit of a facial resemblance between them?)
— Also knowing that Jason Sudeikis wrote this, I can’t help but picture him playing Horatio’s role, and he would’ve been absolutely perfect in it, though Horatio is absolutely fine here in his own right.
STARS: ***
MUSICAL GUEST INTRO
— This time when saying John Mayer’s last name, Jack correctly pronounces it in a comically emphasized manner, as if to say “See, everyone, I got it right this time!”
MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Clarity”
WINE TASTING
vintner’s son (SEM) endures spit-take facials from wine expert (host)
— Meh, a sketch centered around spit-takes.
— After not laughing for most of these spit-takes, I finally got one laugh just now, from Jack turning all the way around while spitting out wine just to get it on Seth, after Seth has moved to a different spot.
— As I expected, I’m not caring for this very one-joke sketch, though Jack and Seth are performing this really well.
— Okay, I spoke too soon about Seth giving a strong performance, as he annoyed me just now with his horrible overacting during his delivery of “What about the special bottle?!? You have to try the special bottle!” It’s bad moments like that that make me wonder what SNL was thinking a year later in season 30 when they erroneously think Seth has what it takes to carry the show on his back as the male star of the cast.
STARS: **
TELEMARKETERS
via song, telemarketers romanticize sales method killed by no-call list
— Ugh, Kenan’s bizarrely goofy delivery of the line “The majestic buffalo” was too out-of-place for this sketch, and reminds me of how long it would take for him as an SNL cast member to shake a lot of his weaker habits from his child actor days on Nickelodeon. I also recall how, when tonight’s episode originally aired, some online SNL fans who were unhappy with SNL’s decision to hire a former All That cast member (and some of those SNL fans seemingly STILL haven’t gotten over that today, 17 years later) complained about how awful, distracting, and unnecessary Kenan’s mugging during some of Jack’s lines in this sketch was. Over the course of these next (insert large number here) seasons that I’ll be reviewing, it’s going to be interesting seeing Kenan gradually grow into the mature, solid, and reliable veteran he is today.
— Yet another sketch that Jack is absolutely perfect for.
— Horatio has been all over tonight’s episode.
— On an opposite note from what I just said about Horatio, where the heck has Forte been tonight? SNL went through the trouble of promoting him to a repertory player after only one season, only to give him practically nothing to do in his first episode as a repertory player. That being said, he completely steals this sketch with his one and only line of tonight’s entire episode: a hilarious solo lyric about his cocaine addiction.
— Fun guitar bit Jack is doing while standing on the desk.
— Both the audience and me got a pretty good laugh from Jack’s little “Take it” ad-lib in the middle of his long spiel while he handed his guitar to someone off-camera.
— The ending of this sketch abruptly gets cut off due to the show running long.
STARS: ***½
GOODNIGHTS
— Further proof that this episode is running particularly long, as these goodnights get cut off before Jack even finishes his goodnights speech.
IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— Despite an exciting new feel to the season with a brand-new opening montage, new home base and musical guest stages, and even a new visual quality onscreen, this ended up being a somewhat meh season premiere, and not a promising sign for the season. This episode was far from awful, but a lot of it hovered around the fairly unimpressive two-and-a-half/three-star rating range. Barely any sketches stood out. Jack Black was certainly a strong host, though, and gave this episode a boost with his fun and reliable energy.
MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS
HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING SEASON (2002-03)
about the same
My full set of screencaps for this episode is here
TOMORROW
Justin Timberlake makes his hosting debut