Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars
CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS
Howard Dean’s (JER) impolitic phone campaigning hurts his candidacy
— Here we have Jeff’s final big role on SNL, as this ends up being his last episode, unbeknownst to viewers at the time.
— Jeff’s Howard Dean impression has improved from previous appearances.
— Not only is this cold opening lazy and unfunny so far, but it’s kind of a mess, as the constant bleeping of Jeff-as-Howard-Dean’s expletives keep occurring at the wrong times, accidentally revealing that Jeff is saying the word “fork” instead of the f-word.
— I finally got a laugh just now, when Chris asked Jeff’s Dean if he’s taken any of his medication.
— Kinda ironic how Jeff gets to deliver his very first “Live from New York…” (in a very screechy voice, at that) in what ends up being his final episode.
— Okay, now to address Jeff’s departure. To this day, it’s still a big mystery among SNL fans why Jeff suddenly disappears from SNL mid-season and whether he was fired or willingly left on his own. There’s been lots of different stories over the years of what exactly happened, but there’s never been full confirmation. However, there’s one version of the story that I personally believe is 100% true. Back at this time in the early-mid 2000s, an SNL insider (I don’t know what his exact association with SNL was, but I’d guess he was an SNL intern or crew member) posted every now and then on the SNL newsgroup (alt.tv.snl) under the mysterious username of He Who Knows, and would occasionally drop some interesting behind-the-scenes info about the then-current SNL that only someone who works on the show would have knowledge of. He appeared to be a legitimate SNL source, as his inside info always turned out to be 100% valid. In a newsgroup thread from mid-February 2004 where some members of the newsgroup were discussing Jeff’s mysterious mid-season disappearance (the thread is here, but it’s difficult to link correctly to newsgroup threads, so please forgive me if the link doesn’t work properly), He Who Knows confirmed one poster’s claim that Jeff was fired, by responding “[Jeff] also did not listen to direcxtion [sic] and performance notes. He messed up a Dean bit and ignored direction.” So, apparently, not only was Jeff indeed fired, but a big reason for this abrupt mid-season firing of his is because he refused to follow directions he was given for the “Dean bit” (referring to the Howard Dean cold opening from the episode I’m currently reviewing), which would explain why the timing of the constant bleeping in said Howard Dean cold opening was so off, as I mentioned earlier in this review. So, folks, please remember all of this the next time you see someone claim that Jeff allegedly left SNL on his own accord. Further proof that Jeff was fired is the fact that Lorne fired a few of the writers around the same time of Jeff’s disappearance. Lorne was reportedly VERY unhappy with this season’s quality, and his mid-season firings of Jeff and some of the writers was his way of scaring the rest of the cast and writing staff into improving the show. It seems Lorne was fully aware that the quality of the show was gradually headed for another season 20-type debacle.
STARS: *½
MONOLOGUE
The Lachey Family Fun Time Happy Hour is hosts’ cheesy variety show
— We immediately start off with tepid “Jessica Simpson is dumb” gags. Blah.
— Hmm, an out-of-the-ordinary turn with this becoming a 1970s variety show. This could be kinda fun, even if I’m rarely a fan of musical monologues.
— Nick’s microphone during the variety show isn’t working, forcing him to eventually speak into Jessica’s mic.
— The ending bit with Jessica misreading the name G Unit as “gun it” was a joke that was already used earlier that week in one of the SNL promos that Jessica and Nick did.
— Overall, meh. I initially thought the whole variety show turn would be fun, but this ended up doing very little for me.
STARS: **
TYLENOL EXTREME
Tylenol Extreme is specifically formulated to relieve testicular trauma
— Finally, a new commercial, after countless way-too-early repeated commercials this season.
— Boy, this is awful. Lots of hacky-ass cheap humor here. Not sure this beats sitting through another rerun of that tepid Gaystrogen ad for the billionth time this season.
— Okay, I finally got a laugh just now, from the fake-out with Chris swinging nunchucks, which initially makes you think THAT’S how he’s going to accidentally hit himself in the testicles, only for some guy to randomly come up to Chris and kick him in the groin.
STARS: *½
Z105
Jessica unwittingly abets Joey Mack’s character assassination of Nick
— Jimmy’s Joey Mack wig seems to have changed a bit from previous appearances, as it looks shorter tonight.
— Some laughs from Jessica fittingly believing Joey Mack’s various voices and slanderous claims about Nick are real.
— Ha, we get a particularly energetic “And we’re BAAAAAACK!!!” from Joey Mack just now.
— I still think Joey Mack’s black weatherman voice is Jimmy’s way of deliberately doing a thinly-veiled Tracy Morgan impression. Just now, he even said “Sweet like bear meat”, a phrase that’s often associated with Tracy.
— I’m glad this is going into a bit of a different direction from the previous installments of this sketch.
STARS: ***
EL CANTADOR
(SEM) & (AMP) patronize a Mexican restaurant cum performing arts school
— Some funny lines during Seth and Amy’s domestic argument.
— Good use of Jessica and Nick’s singing voices.
— Ehh, I’m starting to get kinda tired of the bits with Jessica and Nick’s characters.
— Horatio steals this sketch (in a good way for once) with his funny singing of “She Blinded Me With Science”.
— An okay ending.
STARS: **½
AMERICAN IDOL
already-famous singers fail to impress Simon Cowell (CHP)
— A fairly interesting concept of already-famous singers auditioning for American Idol.
— Jessica’s Britney Spears impression is pretty funny.
— Nick is making me laugh in his imitation of Scott Stapp’s (or, as this sketch called, “The guy from Creed”) ridiculous overdramatic facial expressions and gestures.
— A lot of Chris-as-Simon-Cowell’s “witty” insults are coming off weak and unfunny.
— Finesse In A Dress alert.
STARS: ***
MTV FUTURE
50 years into the future, elderly hosts haven’t changed much
— I love the “MTV Future” programs mentioned in passing at the beginning of this, such as “The Real World: Uranus”, elderly Olsen Twins hosting the 2054 Video Music Awards, and a grown-up Blanket Jackson (with a blanket still covering his head) being a guest in said Video Music Awards.
— Pretty bold prediction from SNL that Nick and Jessica would still be together 50 years from now. As we know now, they ended up not even lasting TWO years (or thereabouts) after tonight’s episode.
— Some decent laughs throughout the scenes with an elderly Jessica and Nick.
STARS: ***
AMERICAN BEEF COUNCIL
Paris Hilton (Jessica) & Nicole Richie (RAD) downplay mad cow disease
— Really, SNL? THREE consecutive sketches based off of reality shows (American Idol, Newlyweds, and The Simple Life)?!? Further proof that this Tina Fey era of SNL is gradually becoming more and more pop culture-obsessed and celebrity gossip-obsessed, much to SNL’s detriment.
— Rachel’s Nicole Richie is fairly funny.
— Not too many laughs here, and this feels like such a dull setting to put Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie impressions into.
STARS: **
MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Stunt 101”
WEEKEND UPDATE
Michael Jackson (AMP) invites JIF & TIF to a party at Neverland Ranch
Donald Trump (DAH) gives advice to JIF & TIF regarding their appearance
excitable JIF gets angry when two guitars are thrown past him
Patrick & Gunther Kelly explain judicial appointment process with a song
— Much like a few Weekend Updates ago, Tina opens tonight’s Update with two super-hacky and unfunny Michael Jackson jokes.
— I see Jimmy’s still rocking that god-awful Dudley Moore hairstyle from the last episode.
— OH, NO. A walk-on from Amy’s baffling Michael Jackson impression. I hate how SNL is pushing this as one of their big celebrity impressions in this era.
— Didn’t care AT ALL for Amy’s overall MJ commentary. Not a single laugh from me.
— Yikes, a lot of Jimmy and Tina’s jokes tonight are fucking awful.
— Darrell’s Trump wig lookin’ particularly goofy tonight.
— Blah, this Trump commentary focusing on Jimmy and Trump’s hair feels like a bad precursor to a controversy from Jimmy’s Tonight Show interview with Trump years later around 2015/2016. I can’t quite remember what the controversy was about; something about Jimmy giving such a softball interview to the controversial then-presidential-candidate Trump and attempting to make him come off likable by playing with his hair, or something like that? Is that correct?
— Oh, I absolutely HATE the turn in this already-unfunny Darrell-as-Trump Update commentary, with him making super-sleazy comments to Tina. These super-sleazy comments are not funny in the least, for the same reason I had a problem with the Trump cold opening that SNL did in the preceding episode: it feels too much like SNL is just quoting unfunny sexist shit that the real Trump would say nowadays, which is too on-the-nose by today’s standards to laugh at like I would’ve back in 2004.
— Not even Tina’s usual Arnold Schwarzenegger voice imitation bits are working for me anymore. Tonight’s just feels self-indulgent, as if Tina’s just doing it to satisfy herself instead of the audience. Even the audience initially failed to applaud at the end of Tina’s Schwarzenegger bit tonight and had to be prompted to applaud after some silence.
— What the holy fuck was Jimmy’s Jack White/guitar-throwing bit all about? That was awful and baffling. Man, tonight’s Update is a fucking TRAINWRECK.
— Didn’t care for Tina’s side segment about which celebrity is endorsing which democratic candidate. It also ended with awkward silence from the audience, where they again had to be prompted to applaud. Tonight’s Update continues to be a trainwreck.
— I hated hearing an off-camera Tina cheer Jimmy’s Star Jones joke, because knowing Tina and her seeming obsession with Star Jones, she probably wrote that shit herself.
— Oh, are you fucking kidding me? A return of Jimmy’s stupid Jack White/guitar-throwing bit from earlier in this Update, after it fell horribly flat the first time?!? (*sigh*) Tonight’s Update is DESTROYING me.
— Ah, finally, a bright spot in this mess of an Update: the return of Will and Fred’s Kelly Brothers characters.
— Even though these Kelly Brothers commentaries always use the exact same basic joke, it always works for me, as long as SNL doesn’t eventually overuse these characters.
— Funny ending to Kelly Brothers’ song.
— Overall, even with the reliable Kelly Brothers commentary as the sole saving grace, this was possibly the worst Weekend Update of the entire Fallon/Fey era, and possibly the lowest rating I’m giving to an SNL news segment since all the way back in the Dick Ebersol years, which were a Dark Age for SNL’s news segment. Get used to this low rating, folks, as I’m probably going to be dishing it out quite often during the upcoming Fey/Poehler era of Update, which I personally consider to be another Dark Age for SNL’s news segment.
STARS: *½
THE SHARON OSBOURNE SHOW
Sue Johanson (RAD) displays sex toys
— Not crazy about seeing this sketch back, given the fact that I didn’t care for it the first time.
— Is one of those dogs the same one that Jessica was holding in the Paris Hilton/Nicole Richie sketch earlier tonight? (side-by-side comparison below)
— The cute dogs have been the only enjoyment I’ve been getting from this weak sketch so far. Cute dogs being the sole highlight of a tepid sketch is bringing back unwanted flashbacks of the Dog Show sketches from the late 90s/early 00s.
— Amy is overusing that staccato pet voice she’s talking to one of the dogs in, to the point of genuine annoyance.
— Jessica and Nick’s Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro sloppily tongue-kissing each other was more gross than funny.
— Rachel’s delivery of “I’m experiencing engorgement” was the first thing I found funny in this entire sketch so far.
— Overall, this was even worse than the first installment of this sketch.
STARS: *½
SIDE NOTE: During a shot of SNL’s studio in the middle of the commercial break right now, we get a close-up of Garrett Morris in the audience!
VICTORIA’S SECRET
(KET) helps his old aunt (MAR) pick out panties at Victoria’s Secret
— Some funny genital euphemisms from Maya’s old lady character.
— I like the part with Maya flashing Nick and Jessica and asking them if they like the various things they’re seeing and that “it’ll blow ya mind.”
— The ending with Jessica and Nick fell very flat.
STARS: ***
NUTS JINGLES
Bubba Sparxxx’ (HOS) nut industry jingles venture into homoeroticism
— This was cut from the preceding Jennifer Aniston-hosted episode.
— Chris’ “In a nutshell” pun early on in this sketch fell horribly flat, even if that was the point. It was poorly delivered, though (a rare criticism of the usually on-point Chris Parnell), and Jessica’s bad timing also helped mess up the joke.
— This feels kinda like a homoerotic, rap-themed variation of the Nut-Riffic sketch from the first episode of season 20. Not exactly a sketch you want to be emulating.
— Chris’ over-the-top facial reaction to the second homoerotic nut rap was kinda funny, but I’m just desperate for a laugh by this point.
— Lots of hacky, lazy homoerotic humor here. Even the Nut-Riffic sketch is coming off high-brow compared to this.
— Ugh, to make the season 20-ness of this sketch complete, we end this sketch with a spinning newspaper headline, a common staple of shitty season 20 sketches.
STARS: *
MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest & Joe [real] perform “Wanna Get To Know You”
DYNACORP
Chicken Of The Sea & other confusing brand-name foods flummox Jessica
— Our obligatory parody of Jessica’s infamous Chicken Of The Sea confusion from her and Nick’s reality show.
— I’m loving this. There are a lot of laughs from the increasingly confusing and convoluted Chicken Of The Sea-esque products, well-delivered by Chris’ always-reliable voice-over work.
— Jessica is really starting to overdo it with the exaggerated dumbfounded facial reactions.
— Funny walk-on from Will as a singing chicken.
— What the hell was with the awkward way Jessica just walked off at the end while mugging the camera? Dammit, Jessica, don’t derail this great sketch for me.
STARS: ****½
GOODNIGHTS
IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A rough episode. There were a few things to like, but, aside from the DynaCorp gem that was buried at the end of the show, absolutely NONE of it was worth remembering. And a lot of what was bad was particularly brutal, including possibly the worst Weekend Update of the entire Fallon/Fey era.
— It feels like this season is gradually getting worse and worse with each passing episode. I think each episode has been a step down from the last one ever since the Andy Roddick episode all the way back in early November. And, geez, there hasn’t been an episode that I felt remotely highly about since the FOURTH episode of the season (Kelly Ripa), and even that had a couple of really angering setbacks. Besides that Ripa episode and the Justin Timberlake one, this season’s episodes have ranged from just average to horrible. No wonder Lorne felt the need to crack the whip behind the scenes after tonight’s episode.
MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS
HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Jennifer Aniston)
a mild step down
My full set of screencaps for this episode is here
TOMORROW
Megan Mullally