Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars
OSAMA’S ADDRESS
undecided voter Osama bin Laden (SEM) considers USA presidential election
— OH, GOD. Not another damn translator cold opening. Is it season 28 again?
— Pretty funny disclosure from Seth’s Osama Bin Laden about him being hunted down by the John Kerry campaign to register as an American voter.
— Good line about Michael Moore.
— A few dead spots for me here.
— Not sure how to react to the bit with Seth’s Osama admitting he would physically beat the hell out of Teresa Heinz-Kerry if she were his wife, which the audience actually applauds.
— SNL makes their obligatory meta reference to the preceding episode’s infamous Ashlee Simpson incident, with Seth’s Osama ranting to America about “your lip-synching pop stars.”
— Overall, surprisingly not bad for a translator cold opening.
STARS: ***
MONOLOGUE
host sings “Pick Yourself Up” & tap dances to prove she’s no lip-syncer
— Our second meta reference to the Ashlee Simpson incident.
— OH, GOD. Two episodes in a row with a song-and-dance monologue?!?
— At least there’s no typical use of SNL cast members as backup dancers, like we usually get in song-and-dance monologues.
— What a complete bore this monologue is. While I want to find a charm to this monologue, it’s not working for me AT ALL. Maybe it would work if this hadn’t come one episode after we just GOT a damn song-and-dance monologue (and frankly, the last one was a little better).
— I recall hearing that Kate would later disclose in an interview that she hated doing this monologue, which, if true, makes me like this monologue even less (if that’s possible).
STARS: *
RAP NIGHT WITH CHUBB HOTTY
obese rapper Chubb Hotty (HOS) in duet with Norah Jones (host)
— OH, GOD. The debut of a horrible short-lived Horatio Sanz recurring sketch. IIRC, this recurring sketch is going to be pure torture, and a quintessential display of season 30’s shittiness. Oh, and let me just ask: Really, SNL? You’re placing THIS as the lead-off sketch of the night? Ooh, this is gonna be a LOOOONNNNG episode, isn’t it?
— Believe it or not, this is actually a character that Horatio tried to get on the air many years earlier. Chubb Hotty was originally supposed to debut in the John Goodman episode from way back in season 24, which was Horatio’s first season. The Chubb Hotty sketch written for that episode was going to be some kind of MTV “behind the music”-type special on Chubb, but the sketch ended up not making it to the live show.
— Kinda funny to hear the VERY mixed reaction SNL’s studio audience has to Chubb Hotty’s line about the Red Sox winning the World Series. Sadly, that’s most likely going to be the most interesting part of this entire sketch.
— Awful character from Horatio, and this sketch is filled with lots of very hacky fat jokes. This is insufferable. Feels like an even worse variation of that fat acting coach sketch that Horatio did in the preceding season’s Kelly Ripa episode.
— There goes Horatio pulling a Chris Farley once again by doing a pratfall through a breakaway prop. This particular pratfall came off so desperate.
— Kenan’s a great straight man here, and has been the ONLY thing coming close to holding this terrible sketch together.
— As if this sketch hasn’t already been unwatchably hacky enough, now we get a gigantic fart from Horatio’s character. It’s official: I am in hell.
— Aaaaaand there goes Horatio’s obligatory breaking, where he cracks up at himself for no reason. You know what, SNL, just end this fucking sketch already before it finally makes me crumble to pieces.
STARS: *
MRS. DR. FRANKENSTEIN
creation (FRA) of husband-seeking Mrs. Dr. Frankenstein (host) is gay
— OH, GOD. (Has literally every single sketch tonight so far made me start off by saying “OH, GOD”?) Not only is this one of a COUNTLESS number of bad homoerotic sketches this season, but it’s our very first of an also-countless number of a specific type of homoerotic sketch this season where the entire premise is just “What would it be like if (insert whoever here, like Frankenstein, Jeff Foxworthy, a spaceship crew, etc.) acted like a gay stereotype?” This stuff on SNL was considered very hacky even back at this time in 2004/2005, but it comes off particularly groanworthy in our current age of LGBT acceptance.
— Oh, no. And now here comes a fucking musical number from Fred’s Gay Frankenstein.
— Ugh at Kate’s “I made a homo” line.
— Even the audience has stopped laughing by this point of the sketch.
— Overall, not a single laugh from me at any point during this sketch, making this the third consecutive horrible segment in tonight’s episode. We’re only 20 minutes into this episode, and it’s ALREADY destroying me.
STARS: *
TV FUNHOUSE
“Fun With Real Audio” by RBS- John McCain labors to laud George W. Bush
— Please save me from the hell that is this episode, Smigel.
— Some laughs from John McCain’s secret frustration over having to laud President Bush at a rally.
— Good little bit with McCain’s dog being so disgusted by him that he spits on him.
— A hilarious Apocalypse Now-esque turn right now.
— What was with that lame-ass hokey ending, with McCain just saying “This is tougher than I thought.” THAT was the best ending Smigel could up with?
STARS: ***
CAMPAIGN STOP
at a campaign rally, Bill Clinton (DAH) overshadows John Kerry (SEM)
— There’s almost a “So bad, it’s good” quality to Will’s attempt at a Bruce Springsteen impression.
— I love the bit with Darrell’s Bill Clinton borrowing Clarence Clemons’ sax to impress the crowd at the John Kerry rally.
— Decent part with Darrell’s Clinton repeatedly putting his trademark thumbs-up in and out of the door to demonstrate to Seth’s John Kerry how much the crowd outside the door loves him.
STARS: ***
MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Mosh”
WEEKEND UPDATE
AMP gives her takes on singers’ reactions to Ashlee Simpson’s lip-syncing
SEM is thrilled that the Red Sox won the World Series; Johnny Damon cameo
WLF belts out a song about strange Halloween memories from his youth
newly-naturalized citizen Diego (FRA) explores Democracy Plaza
Elton John (HOS) slams Ashlee Simpson with “Tiny Dancer” variant
— Our THIRD meta reference to the Ashlee Simpson incident.
— Even though I rarely like it whenever Amy does a “bit” during the Fey/Poehler era of Update, I’m actually kinda impressed by her rapid-fire string of comical impressions of various singers during her “famous singers react to the Ashlee Simpson SNL incident” joke, including some singers who Amy has played on SNL before (Avril Lavigne, Britney Spears). That’s a bit I can picture Jimmy Fallon doing back when he was on the show, given his knack for impressions of celebrities (particularly singers).
— Pretty good Update segment with Seth, keeping up the tradition of his Red Sox fan Update bits.
— I love Tina introducing Will as “resident sex symbol Will Forte”.
— Yes! We get the debut of Will doing an Update song as himself, which would go on to be a recurring thing throughout his SNL tenure, and has always been among my many favorite things Will has done on SNL.
— Will’s bizarre, hard-to-follow Halloween song is absolutely HILARIOUS. I am loving this.
— Hmm, according to a news story from Tina, Halloween masks have predicted the outcome of the last six presidential elections (as of 2004), then Tina says that this year, Bush masks have been the winner. That ended up being another accurate prediction of who would win that year’s election. Makes me wonder if Halloween masks also correctly predicted the outcome of the later 2008, 2012, and 2016 elections.
— Fred debuts a new Update character that ends up never becoming recurring, even though he kinda seemed set up to become recurring.
— Even though, on the surface, this kinda feels like a standard Hispanic Fred Armisen role, I’m really enjoying this character. Like I say about some of the stuff Fred has done in these early seasons of his, this character has a good Andy Kaufman vibe (e.g. Foreign Man), and this pre-taped format with him at Democracy Plaza is a fun use of him. This pre-tape also feels like a throwback to man-on-the-street comedy bits Fred was known for doing as various characters before he joined SNL.
— Amy’s Daylight Savings Time joke was particularly weak, even for her standards.
— WTF? Horatio’s goddamn Elton John impression in ANOTHER Update commentary, just a few episodes after he already did an Update commentary? What did I do to deserve this punishment?
— Ugh at the obligatory lame gay sex joke early on in this Elton John commentary. Yeah, we get it. Elton John is openly gay.
— Our FOURTH meta reference to the Ashlee Simpson incident.
— I remember how this Horatio-as-Elton-John “Ashlee Simpson, you’re a phony” song bothered some people at the time, who felt SNL was pushing it and going a little too far in their Ashlee-bashing tonight.
— At least Horatio’s Elton John song tonight ended up being pretty short.
— Overall, was this a season 30 Weekend Update I watched, or was it a season 7 SNL Newsbreak? This Update was JAM-PACKED and felt never-ending. Too bad the Fey/Poehler portions are still mostly tepid to me (which is yet another similarity tonight’s Update has to season 7’s SNL Newsbreaks, even if I don’t find Fey/Poehler quite as dire as the crap that Brian Doyle-Murray et al. regularly churned out at the news desk in season 7). They continue to not work for me as an Update duo.
STARS: **½
MALL
at the mall, Kaitlin has second thoughts about getting her ears pierced
— This sketch has officially become recurring.
— As I said in my review of the first installment of this sketch, I have a much bigger appreciation for these Kaitlin sketches nowadays, after utterly despising these sketches when they originally aired. Back when they originally aired, I (and I’m sure some others) couldn’t look past the annoying, shrieky, and rambly nature of Amy’s Kaitlin character. I can now enjoy these sketches for the realism, slice-of-life, and heart that both Amy’s characterization and these sketches themselves are going for.
— Kate Winslet is very believable in this type of role that I wouldn’t have been able to picture her pulling off before seeing this sketch. By the way, I’m pretty sure this is the first thing I’ve had to say about Kate in any of tonight’s sketches. And believe it or not, this ends up being her LAST sketch appearance all night. She’s not in ANY of the remaining sketches. Geez, she’s gotta be one of the most invisible hosts in then-recent memory. Word has it that she was very nervous about doing the show, which is why SNL used her so little.
— Another nice touch of amusing realism to this sketch is Maya and Rachel as jogging middle-aged women in the background all throughout this sketch.
— The interplay between Kaitlin and Rick in these sketches is always enjoyable, especially whenever she secretly discloses to him that she wants to get out of a situation she’s gotten herself into with someone else, and he tries to get her out of it. There’s something both funny and really sweet about that.
STARS: ***½
MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest & Proof [real] perform “Just Lose It”
GOODWIN WIG & TOY
Halloween-averse Glenda Goodwin has non-scary costumes
— OH, GOD. (Sorry, I just wanted to say that one more time tonight.) Those awful “Second Time Around” sketches from season 28 really soured me on this Glenda Goodwin character. At least they took her out of the “Second Time Around” setting tonight, though.
— This sketch is in a similar vein to the Attorney-At-Law sketch that the Glenda Goodwin character made her debut in, only this one has her advertising a Halloween costume shop.
— Overall, meh. This forgettable sketch just came and went with only a few mild laughs from me. Nothing noteworthy at all in this sketch. The format of this sketch worked better in the aforementioned Attorney-At-Law sketch that Goodwin debuted in.
STARS: **
ELECTORAL MAP
Tim Russert (DAH) & Tom Brokaw (CHP) consider colors for electoral map
— I liked Chris-as-Tom-Brokaw’s line when seeing the flesh tone color used for some of the states: “Now Florida looks like a semi-erect phallus.”
— This sketch is extremely boring. Tom Brokaw and Tim Russert just discussing an electoral map’s colors? How is this supposed to be enjoyable? How did a sketch with this premise even make it on the air? Kinda like the monologue earlier tonight, I want to find a charm to this premise, but nope. Not working for me in the slightest. Maybe in a much better episode, I’d appreciate this sketch’s simplistic, realistic, and dry premise more, whereas in an episode like tonight’s, this sketch is just adding to the episode’s dead feeling.
— Not sure how to feel about that non-ending.
STARS: *½
GOODNIGHTS
— At the very beginning of these goodnights, the camera catches the very end of an odd exchange Kate and Eminem have, where she’s seen asking him an offended-sounding “What?!?” before realizing she’s on the air and then begins her goodnights speech. She had a sly smirk on her face immediately after her offended-sounding “What?!?”, which makes me wonder if her seemingly offended response to whatever Eminem said to her was just playful joking around.
IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— Not a good episode at all. Despite a few things I liked, this episode featured WAY too many flops, some of which are definitely among the worst sketches of this entire season (and considering the poor quality of this season as a whole, that’s saying something). The bad one-two punch of Chubb Hotty and Gay Frankenstein early in this episode was particularly brutal. I remember when this episode originally aired, this was the official point where I started realizing that something was going horribly wrong with this new season. Oh, and for anyone keeping count in my reviews, we’re 0-for-4 in good episodes this season so far, in my opinion. I’m pretty sure this is the first season I’ve reviewed where I went THIS far into it without liking a single episode. (The closest I can think of to this happening before is in season 22, which, while an overall good season, had a pretty rough start with its first three episodes.)
MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS
HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Jude Law)
a mild step down
My full set of screencaps for this episode is here
TOMORROW
Liam Neeson