December 11, 2004 – Colin Farrell / Scissor Sisters (S30 E7)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

TOWN HALL MEETING
in Kuwait, poorly-equipped soldiers question Donald Rumsfeld (DAH)

— Geez, right out of the damn gate at the beginning of this cold opening, while the camera is on Chris starting to speak, we get an ugly and distracting technical error, as SNL’s attempt to display a graphic on the bottom of the screen accidentally causes the screen to freeze in an odd way for a few seconds and makes Chris look like his head has several outlines.
— I got a cheap laugh from the reveal of a pants-less Finesse.
— Some laughs from the comically awkward pauses between Darrell’s Donald Rumsfeld and Rob when Rumsfeld is lying to him about the armor plating.
— Rachel’s story of how she got unwittingly enlisted is pretty funny.
— Despite some laughs throughout this cold opening, this feels too slow-paced and sluggish. Portions of this are dragging for me. Must be the combo of Darrell’s slow speaking as Donald Rumsfeld and Jim Downey’s typical dry writing (the latter of which USED TO consistently be reliable for great humor).
— I like Darrell’s Rumsfeld telling Rob, in a friendly voice, “Don’t make me have you shot” when Rob keeps asking about the armor plating.
— What was with the odd way Darrell bowed his head in the middle of his “Live from New York…”?
STARS: **½

MONOLOGUE
despite host’s coaching, male castmembers can’t woo Lindsay Lohan [real]

— Early in this monologue, Colin Farrell follows up a line flub of his by ad-libbing “I’m gonna do that again, live!”, and then repeats the line correctly. The audience seemed confused by that, as was I when this originally aired. I now find it to be a pretty funny loose little ad-lib.
— Finesse’s Irish accent is pretty amusing.
— Lindsay Lohan cameo.
— I wonder if Fred’s line about people on the internet thinking he’s gay is based on reality. If it is, I don’t remember those rumors from back at this time.
— Finesse telling Lindsay, while pointing at her stomach, “I wanna put a baby in THAT!” felt way too much like a line written for Tracy Morgan, and we know that NOBODY can deliver a line like that the way Tracy can.
STARS: ***

TURLINGTON’S LOWER BACK TATTOO REMOVER
— A rerun from the preceding season. Coincidentally enough, the episode it originally aired in was hosted by tonight’s special guest, Lindsay Lohan.

ROACHES
a very large & resilient roach (HOS) is loose in (host)’s apartment

— Meh, not too crazy about this premise. Feels like an inferior variation of the giant parrot sketch Fred did just a few episodes prior. (And Fred himself would soon do an inferior variation of that giant parrot sketch, in a sketch later this season in which he plays a giant cat.)
— Another meh at the gross-out gag with Colin getting covered in green roach goo.
— Yeah, a few minutes into this, and I haven’t been caring for this at all.
— What the hell was with that ending with all the giant roaches running around the apartment like this is some wacky sketch from some bad 1970s variety show or something? Blah.
STARS: *½

¡SHOW BIZ GRANDE EXPLOSION!
Bono’s (host) use of “catorce” bugs Fericito

— The pre-interview portion of these sketches have become way too formulaic for my likes, and I can’t take Fericito’s “Ay dios mio!”s anymore.
— Interesting how Colin is playing the last SNL episode’s epic musical guest, Bono.
— A good laugh from Fericito’s own “iPod”, which is just a cheap old-fashioned tape recorder with wallet photos taped to the back.
— I like Colin’s Bono playing around with the camera while singing into it, ala the real Bono in the last SNL episode.
— Overall, unlike Snoop Dogg in the last installment of this sketch, the Bono interview portion of this sketch didn’t give this sketch all that big of a needed boost, though it still had its moments.
STARS: **½

BODY SEARCH
airport security guard (AMP) gropes (host) during ostensive search

— When this sketch originally aired, I and some other online SNL fans felt this was a rip-off of the airport security sketch from the season 17 Sharon Stone episode, only with the genders reversed this time. Besides the similarities between the basic premise of both sketches, I no longer feel tonight’s sketch is a direct rip-off. The premise is basic and simplistic enough that anyone can think of it, and tonight’s sketch is focusing on having Amy’s airport security guard character find excuses to fondle Colin’s body, whereas the Sharon Stone sketch had the airport security guards finding excuses to get Stone to remove her clothing.
— Amy’s actions are only mildly funny at best. I’m not laughing all that hard here. This feels too cliched for my likes, and I’m don’t mean in comparison to the aforementioned Sharon Stone sketch.
STARS: **

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Take Your Mama”

WEEKEND UPDATE
AMP queries Brett Hull [real] regarding effects of NHL lockout

mentors TIF & AMP lecture Lindsay Lohan [real] on how she should behave

double entendres belie host deemphasizing Alexander The Great’s sexuality

— Even though it’s yet ANOTHER gay joke in the bad gay joke-heavy season 30, I got a good laugh from hockey player Brett Hull’s answer to Amy asking how he feels about the gay marriage law passing in Canada: “That’s what happens in Canada when there’s no hockey.”
— An overall fairly short and okay commentary from Brett Hull, and he came off likable.
— Oh, no. Here’s the bit with Tina and Amy mentoring Lindsay Lohan, a bit I never liked and has aged poorly.
— Yeah, this whole Lohan segment is rubbing me the wrong way.
— Good to see SNL writer John Lutz in a Weekend Update photo (the fourth-to-last above screencap for this Update), as I’m always a sucker for when SNL uses their writers in comical fake Update photos.
— Is it really all THAT funny when Amy says “Fiddy Cent”?
— Tina and Amy’s 50 Cent/airplane terrorist/Ludacris re-enactment was pretty dumb. While I did kinda appreciate the “Who’s on first?”-esque dialogue, Tina and Amy’s execution didn’t fully work for me, and it smacked a little too much of typical Fey/Poehler self-indulgent-ness, in which they’re given too much free rein to just goof around and try to amuse each other.
— Always rare to see an SNL host doing an Update commentary as themselves.
— Blah, this Alexander commentary from Colin is just a whole bunch of bad gay sex puns. In other words, season 30 up to its old tricks of focusing heavily on hacky gay humor.
— My negative reaction to these bad sexual puns in Colin’s Alexander commentary makes me now understand why some people in the comments section of my reviews don’t care for the Colonel Angus or Cork Soakers sketches, though I still stand by my highly positive review of Colonel Angus and my mildly positive review of Cork Soakers. This Alexander commentary from Colin, on the other hand? Yeesh. There’s a reason nobody remembers this commentary the way Colonel Angus and Cork Soakers are remembered.
STARS: **

KEY PARTY
at a key party, Carol (HOS) & other swingers tell their names & safewords

— One of the more oddly memorable season 30 sketches.
— The debut of Horatio’s Carol character, who would later be spun-off into her own recurring sketch the following season.
— The constant sequences with the characters each taking turns listing off their name or safeword in a camera close-up are fun, and is the type of humor that this season’s cast is good at pulling off.
— I love the unique touch and little details each performer brings to their character during the close-up of them saying their name or safeword. I particularly like Fred with his exuberant head nod, Will always stating John George Peppers (an epic name in itself, especially when delivered by Will, though I’ve seen it once spelled as Jean-Georges Peppers, and I’m not sure which is the official spelling) as both his name AND safeword, and the odd subtle joke of Chris pronouncing his name and safeword differently each time.
— Horatio’s typical bad, self-amused hamminess actually works here. Same goes for the very repetitive nature of this sketch. It’s probably hard to explain to some people why this is such a good and well-liked sketch, but… it just is. Everything here just clicks.
— After the success of this sketch, Seth would later try for YEARS to turn Key Party into a movie, to no avail.
STARS: ****½

WINDOW WASHER
on-the-job interview with window washer (KET) imperils TV reporter (host)

— I like the somewhat ambitious and convincing visual of Colin and Kenan on a scaffold in the air outside the huge window during a shot of this sketch’s full office set (the first above screencap for this sketch), which is the type of thing you don’t see often in live SNL sketches.
— Kenan’s performance as the janitor is pretty funny.
— Ehhh, I don’t think I care for where this sketch is going.
— All of these scaffold catastrophes that Colin and Kenan are facing aren’t doing much for me, and feel like a lame and aimless premise for a sketch. Then again, maybe it’s not the premise itself that’s the problem, as I feel that a season with better writing could get some good humor out of this premise.
STARS: **

PAT ‘N PATTI’S SLACKS, SNACKS, & KNICK KNACK SHACK
Pat ‘N Patti are back with their Slacks, Snacks, & Knick Knack Shack

— OH, GOD.
— Can’t believe they brought this back.
— At least we’re seeing Colin play against type. Despite my dislike of this sketch’s material itself, Colin is giving a good performance and is doing a surprisingly convincing job as this dorky-ish character.
— What’s with the mysterious stain on Colin’s shirt? Subtle joke?
— At least we don’t have Jimmy Fallon to completely botch his scene like a complete amateur, as he did in the first installment of this sketch. I still can’t get over how awful his performance in that sketch was.
— Overall, much like the first installment of this, this sketch didn’t make me so much as crack a smile.
STARS: *

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Comfortably Numb”

MERV THE PERV
accent of Merv The Perv’s cousin Steve The Skeeve (host) charms women

— This character makes his first appearance in over a year.
— Merv The Perv’s opening title sequence from the preceding installment of this sketch has now been edited to replace Merv’s narration about himself with a theme song sung by Merv. I love this theme song, especially the very 70s sound to it, which fits this character so perfectly.
— Merv’s habit of twisting innocent statements into dirty remarks always makes me laugh.
— A decent turn with Merv being joined by an equally-pervy but handsomer character, Steve The Skeeve.
— Merv The Perv to a pregnant woman: “If that’s a little lady you got in there, then I’m lookin’ at my first three-way.” So wrong, but so damn funny.
— Overall, this sketch was a good way to end the show.
STARS: ***½

GOODNIGHTS
host says SNL was a great experience, “I shit you not”

— When thanking SNL for supplying him with one of the greatest weeks of his life, Colin says “I shit you not.” In reaction to this, we get a hilarious early-era “Kenan reacts” moment, from what little you can see of Kenan’s face in the background (screencap below).

I also noticed a reaction from Seth, in which he makes a face at first, then laughs and shakes his head afterwards. Otherwise, unlike the last time someone said a no-no word during the goodnights (hint: an f-bomb in season 6), no big deal is made of Colin’s s-bomb, and, as far as I know, SNL didn’t end up getting in too much (if any) trouble for it. This being 2004, the word “shit” being said on TV was no longer quite as big of a deal as it used to be.

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IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— After season 30 FINALLY achieved its first good episode with the preceding episode, we’ve immediately gone back to the usual season 30 low quality. This episode wasn’t particularly awful or anything, just meh. I didn’t care much for anything in the pre-Weekend Update half of the show aside from the monologue (and even THAT was just average to me), Update itself didn’t work for me (as usual in the Fey/Poehler era), and, while the post-Update half of the show began and ended with on a high note with the memorable and standout Key Party and the always-funny-to-me Merv The Perv, there were two bad sketches sandwiched between them.

MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS

HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Luke Wilson)
a step down

My full set of screencaps for this episode is here

TOMORROW
Robert DeNiro hosts the Christmas episode