May 7, 2005 – Johnny Knoxville / System of a Down (S30 E18)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

PRIMETIME LIVE
Paula Abdul (AMP) is bedding American Idol contestants; Paula Abdul cameo

— I recall hearing that shortly before performing this cold opening which spoofs her personal issues, Paula Abdul had an emotional breakdown backstage and was in tears. If that’s true, that type of backstage drama just adds on to the troubled vibe this season in general has.
— And there goes season 30’s obligatory weekly instance of Maya singing.
— Wait, Maya as TWO different male American Idol singers in the same live sketch?
— This spoof of Paula Abdul’s scandal is simply not working for me.
— Blah, I don’t care for the turn at the end with Paula breaking the fourth wall by entering the sketch and critiquing Chris, Kenan, and Amy’s impressions of the American Idol judges.
— Knowing about the backstage emotional breakdown that Paula allegedly had shortly before this cold opening started, her smiliness at the beginning and end of this cold opening seems kinda fake to me.
STARS: *½

OPENING MONTAGE
— SNL writer and occasional onscreen bit player Jason Sudeikis has been added to the cast.

MONOLOGUE
cast members, Sophie Michaels [real], DOP prank host Jackass-style

— That sounded like newbie Jason Sudeikis as the mic’ed off-camara voice that exuberantly yells “JACKASS!!!” right when Johnny Knoxville says he’s known for a certain TV show. Even in an off-camera voice-over, Jason manages to get a laugh from me.
— Even though this monologue is just very predictable Jackass-style humor, it’s coming off pretty entertaining here.
— A rare Don Pardo onscreen appearance! And we even get to see him knee Johnny Knoxville in the groin!
— Pretty fun ending with Seth.
STARS: ***

MOM JEANS
— I pretty much lost count of the number of times this well-loved Mother’s Day-related commercial from two seasons prior has been re-aired in new episodes (even some episodes that aired nowhere near Mother’s Day) from the two seasons that followed it. This is also the THIRD time season 30 has repeated a commercial from a previous season.

SALLY & DAN HARRISON: THE COUPLE THAT SHOULD BE DIVORCED
needlers Sally (AMP) & Dan (SEM) are the Harrisons: The Couple That Should Be Divorced

— Amy and Seth’s Couple That Should Be Divorced characters make their debut. However, their last name in this debut is Harrison. In their subsequent sketches, their last name would be Needler.
— Another sketch in this era with an opening title sequence and theme song. Between Merv The Perv (who we’ll be seeing later tonight), Debbie Downer, The Couple That Should Be Divorced, the following season’s Carol sketches, and maybe something else I’m forgetting, the number of this era’s recurring characters with their own title sequence and theme song is almost starting to rival that of the late 80s/early 90s era, though the latter certainly has the more memorable collection of recurring character title sequences and theme songs.
— Good concept for a sketch.
— Lots of well-done sarcasm and tense interplay between Seth and Amy throughout this.
— After Chris asks the Harrisons “So, how was your vacation?” in a desperate attempt to break the tension, I like Rachel angrily whispering to Chris “Why would you ask them that?!?”
— Funny turn with the Harrisons’ off-camera violent-sounding confrontation in the kitchen turning out to be them having sex. Unfortunately, that’s a turn that SNL would eventually run INTO THE DAMN GROUND in these characters’ subsequent sketches.
STARS: ***½

DOMINO’S COMMERCIAL
Donald Trump (DAH) tapes a commercial for Domino’s cheeseburger pizza

— I wonder if Seth’s voice-over as the off-camera director is being done live. If so, he had to rush fast from the Couple That Should Be Divorced set to wherever he had to be placed for his voice-over in this Trump sketch, as this Trump sketch is airing immediately after the Couple That Should Be Divorced, with no commercial break in between.
— The third and final edition of this season’s reliable “Trump films a promo” sketches, though we get somewhat of a variation of it in the following season’s Lance Armstrong episode, in a sketch where Darrell’s Trump is shooting a scene for a soap opera.
— Very funny visual of Darrell’s Trump in that pizza costume.
— Trump: “(to the tune of the McDonalds “I’m Lovin’ It” jingle) Doo do do do dooo, Dominios.”
— This sketch is particularly great, and Darrell’s Trump is coming off even funnier here than he did in the very funny last two Trump promo shoot sketches. This would probably be a good place to point out that I’ve been pleasantly surprised by what a solid season Darrell’s been having. Before now, I had always been under the impression that, after Will Ferrell’s departure in 2002, Darrell slept-walked through his remaining 7 seasons and came off as an increasingly unnecessary part of the show. He’s been proving me wrong on both fronts this season.
— Trump: “Cheesus Crust, I’m hungry!”
STARS: ****½

VERSACE MOTHER’S DAY SPECIAL
Donatella Versace (MAR) visits her mom (RAD) in Italy on Mother’s Day

— (*groan*)
— Well, the good news is, this mercifully ends up being the last Versace sketch for two years, and the next Versace sketch will be the final one.
— A super hacky gay joke with Versace’s shirtless gay assistants eagerly wanting the long pepperoni sausages that Versace’s mother is holding up.
— Now we get a super hacky line about J.Lo’s dog farting.
— Oh, and speaking of super hacky, here comes Horatio’s damn Elton John, an impression that’s the epitome of super hackiness. Oh, and of course, with his impression, this sketch gives us super hacky gay sex jokes about Elton.
— Aaaaaaaaand there goes Horatio’s terrible habit of pausing awkwardly before delivering a line, then starting to crack up at himself. FUCKING UGH.
— I’m three minutes into this sketch, and there has yet to be anything in it that HASN’T made me cringe.
— Overall, a completely laughless and completely cringe-full waste of time. Hard to believe by this point that there used to be a time, several seasons prior, where Versace sketches actually worked (at least for me).
STARS: *

CHANNEL 5 LATE NIGHT MOVIE
abductee (WLF) learns science isn’t motive for alien’s (host) anal probes

— This sketch uses the same “Channel 5 Late Night Movie” framing previously used in the Radioactive Bear and King Kong sketches from season 28.
— Sloppy delivery from Johnny early on in this.
— UGH. Here comes YET ANOTHER obligatory display of season 30’s unbearable hyperfocus on hacky gay humor. Oh, and as if this dire season didn’t already have some similarities to the also-dire season 20, now we get a horrible “anal-probing UFOs” sketch, just like season 20 infamously had in the Deion Sanders episode. I almost want to consider tonight’s “anal-probing UFOs” sketch an unintended sequel to the Deion Sanders version, with us now actually getting to see the mysterious aliens and the inside of the spaceship that we only saw the outside of in the Deion sketch.
— A terrible ending.
— Well before the camera even fades to black at the end of this sketch, Chris can be seen dropping character and unzipping his spacesuit costume RIGHT ON FUCKING CAMERA. Geez, the fact that a true professional like Chris Parnell has resorted to doing something like that, combined with his very bored and almost passive-aggressive delivery of “Live from New York…” in the preceding episode’s Tom DeLay cold opening, is all further proof of what a mess this lousy season is and makes me wonder if even Chris is so over it by this point.
— Overall, just as horrible a sketch as I expected. It’s a complete joke that this crap made it on the air.
STARS: *

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “B.Y.O.B.”

— During a close-up, System Of A Down’s guitarist yells a very audible “FUCK YEAAAAHHHH!” into the mic (the second above screencap for this musical performance).

WEEKEND UPDATE
WLF sings a Mother’s Day song to mom Patti [real] about her future death

Ritchie B.’s interpreter doesn’t appreciate his black stereotype jokes

TIF & AMP sing the theme song for cheap shoes bearing the Bobos brand

TIF & AMP mark the passing of Weekend Update founding editor Herb Sargent

— Jesus Christ, Amy’s embarrassingly bad Kevin Federline joke was a perfect example of so many things that’s both wrong with her as an Update anchor and wrong with the writing of this season’s Update jokes.
— Great to see a Will Forte Update commentary, and he’s doing one of his many Update songs, which I’m always a sucker for.
— Always fun to see cast members’ moms.
— The “I’m gonna miss you when you’re dead” turn in Will’s song to his mother is fantastic. Lots of great inappropriate and dark lyrics here.
— I’m glad Tina refrained from doing her tired Arnold Schwarzenegger vocal imitation during her Ahnuld joke tonight.
— The return of the running gag from earlier this season with Amy’s angry rants towards Angeline Jolie. This has been one of the very few things Amy’s done on Update this season that has worked for me.
— A good immediate callback to tonight’s Angelina Jolie rant from Amy, with Tina following up Amy’s rant with a newsflash about a story that features Jolie one-upping Amy.
— Ugh, and right after the solid Jolie callback bit, we get a particularly super-hacky Update joke, even worse than usual Fey/Poehler Update jokes. I swear, every time this season takes one step forward with a rare strong Update joke, they IMMEDIATELY follow it up by taking two steps back with a really bad joke that ruins the good momentum.
— Nice to see the return of Fred’s deaf comedian character and his interpreter, a bit that I loved last time.
— Even Fred’s mere gestures and facial expressions while doing sign language as this character tickle me.
— Like last time, some funny inappropriate black people jokes from Fred’s character, and some great reactions from Kenan.
— Even though tonight’s overall deaf comedian commentary treaded the same ground as last time, this still worked for me. However, it’s probably a good thing that this ends up being the final appearance of this routine.
— OH FUCKING NO. What the hell are Tina and Amy doing right now, with them wasting airtime with this terrible and unfunny “Bobos” song-and-dance number of theirs? Are they fucking kidding me?!? This…this…just…how does something like this even make it on the air?!? This epitomizes EVERY FUCKING THING I hate about Tina and Amy as an Update duo, and why I will forever argue that them as an Update duo was COMEDY POISON, and why it’s always bugged me how the media at the time was blowing so much smoke up Tina and Amy’s asses by endlessly praising this Update era. I’m sorry for my harsh attitude, folks, but reviewing this troubled season in general has made me salty as fuck by this point, and you’re seeing me unleashed in tonight’s review.
— Ugh, these god-awful Update jokes. I tell you, I wish this era’s audience was as unforgiving and not afraid to respond to a bad joke with complete silence as audiences during the dark Weekend Update/SNL Newsbreak years of 1980-1982 were, as this Fey/Poehler Update era is, to me, the worst since those 80-82 years.
— Tina and Amy at least end tonight’s Update on a classy note, with them taking a moment to honor Weekend Update founding editor Herb Sargent, who passed away earlier that week. Nice to also see an accompanying behind-the-scenes photo of Sargent and Chevy Chase at the Update desk back in the original era.
STARS: **

MOTHER’S DAY BRUNCH
transsexual (host), grandma (MAR), new mom (AMP) brunch on Mother’s Day

— Jason Sudeikis in his first live appearance as a cast member.
— Seeing Jason and Seth sitting next to each other reminds me of how, back when this episode originally aired, I was worried that then-newbie Jason would be another Seth Meyers: a bland white guy with no real versatility or anything distinctive as a performer. Keep in mind that that’s only how I felt about Seth BACK THEN. I’ve come around on him while doing these reviews, and I now admit that he’s nowhere near as irritatingly bland or un-versatile as a season 30 utility player as I previously thought. I’ve gained a newfound appreciation for his sketch performance skills. That being said, I feel Jason would definitely go on to be the FAR better and more distinctive utility player, so it’s funny to look back on how worried I was back in May 2005 that Jason would be another Blandy McBlanderson like I considered Seth to be at the time.
— UGHHHH. There goes Maya once again using that god-awful “phlegmy-throated old black lady” voice that is absolutely unbearable.
— OH FUCKING NO. This transphobic material with Johnny’s transgender character has aged horribly. Oof. It doesn’t get more cringey than this. Then again, I remember not finding this shit funny even back in 2005.
— While not as horrible as the transgender material or the “phlegmy-throated old black lady” material, the material with Rob and Amy as a baby’s overly-proud parents is very lame and unfunny, and yet another waste of Rob’s talents.
— It’s sad that Jason’s first live sketch as a cast member has to be THIS awful sketch. It’s also sad that this sketch is so awful, because I actually LIKE the out-of-the-ordinary format of it, with how its constantly cutting back and forth between three completely different conversations at three individual restaurant tables. An actual good season of SNL would’ve gotten a solid sketch out of that format.
— Weak ending and a poor use of Chris.
STARS: *

HELPING HANDS TELETHON
Andy disrupts a telethon by shouting “Oh no!” when callers try to pledge

— Great to see this return, as this bizarre character of Will’s always slays me.
— Even just Will’s strange-sounding delivery of the telethon name “Helping Hands” makes me laugh.
— Will’s first “OHHHHH, NOOOOOO!” in tonight’s sketch gets some mild recognition applause from the audience.
— What the hell is with Kenan, Fred, and Rachel’s giggliness while singing? You can tell their giggliness isn’t in character, but I don’t understand what it was that caused them to break, as they started giggling as soon as they entered the sketch.
— I love Jason’s constant false alarms on when the show has cut to commercial while Johnny is “candidly” chewing out Will’s Andy character and admitting the telethon is a sham. Not only is the “false alarm” material very funny in itself, but Jason’s delivery is perfect for it.
— Johnny’s anger towards Will’s Andy is fun, but he’s not as strong a straight man to Andy as Paul Giamatti was in the first installment of this sketch.
STARS: ****

MERV THE PERV
Merv The Perv & brother Irv (host) disgust Victoria’s Secret customers

— This ends up being the final appearance of Chris’ only big solo recurring character, Merv The Perv, despite the fact that Chris still has one more season to go as a cast member.
— When revealing that he and Merv The Perv are brothers, I like Johnny’s dirty line “Our mother wasn’t the ONLY womb we shared.”
— Meh, Johnny’s Irv The Perv character getting his own Merv The Perv-esque opening title sequence and theme song feels unnecessary and tedious, even though SNL has done the “a character with his own title sequence meets a character who gets a similar title sequence of his own” trope to better success twice within these past few seasons (The “Coolest Teacher At Benton Township High School” sketch, and the Falconer installment with Ashton Kutcher as The Muskrateer).
— Amy’s not convincing at all as an angry straight man, as she has a big smirk on her face right now, which clearly isn’t in character.
— And now Maya and Rachel have also begun smirking during their “angry” reactions to Merv and Irv. Why the hell has the cast been so damn giggly tonight? Yet another example of how season 30 is such a mess.
— Overall, despite a few laughs I got, I actually found this Merv The Perv installment underwhelming. Something about this installment felt a little lacking compared to previous installments. Perhaps this character has finally run his course, and if so, it’s a good thing this ends up being his final appearance.
STARS: **

MUSICAL GUEST INTRO
Paula Abdul [real] introduces musical guest

— Rather odd how this intro is done by Paula Abdul instead of Johnny.

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Aerials”

ACTION NEWS
extensive broadcast news team includes a clock factory arsonist (CHP)

— I like the constant fake-outs with how the introduction of each individual in the extensive news team continues every time the show makes it seem like the intros are done. Good way to work in what I believe is the entire SNL cast.
— Rob’s wild laughing facial expression is particularly funny to me.
— I like the “I’m going to burn down a clock factory” bit with Chris, even though the joke feels…I dunno, odd.
— For someone in his first episode as a cast member, Jason has been very visible. You gotta feel bad for Rob, though. With Jason being added to the cast shortly before the end of this season and immediately having a very visible presence and showing good potential while Rob continues to struggle badly for airtime and have his comedic potential wasted, I’m sure Rob saw the writing on the wall in regards to his chances of being brought back the following season.
— Wow, the sketch is over already? This was quite a strange and oddly-structured sketch, but I think I liked it because of that. Hey, in season 30, I gotta take what I can get.
STARS: ***

BEAR CITY
by T. Sean Shannon- an anthropomorphic ursine leaves a bar

— One of the more simpler Bear City gags, but still decent.
STARS: ***

YOU MIGHT BE A GAY REDNECK IF…
You Might Be A Gay Redneck If you’re Jeff Foxworthy’s half-brother (host)

— In an episode that’s already been filled with the cheapest, shittiest, hackiest, most cringeworthy humor about gays or transgender people, now SNL is gonna close the show by throwing a full-on motherfucking “What would it be like if (insert person here) acted like a gay stereotype?” sketch at me, in a season that’s already been rampant with “What would it be like if (insert person here) acted like a gay stereotype?” sketches, AND in an episode where Johnny Knoxville has played an unflattering gay or transgender character in literally HALF OF HIS APPEARANCES? Fuck this episode. Nah, fuck this season.
— By the way, here’s yet another season 20 trait that season 30 has shown tonight: a horrible and tedious Jeff Foxworthy parody.
— I do want to point out that in the photo of various gay redneck stand-up comedy DVDs at the end, a DVD cover of Fred as “Treat Dangerfield” is shown, even though he was nowhere to be seen in the actual sketch. Fred’s Treat Dangerfield, a gay version of Rodney Dangerfield, was actually supposed to have a stand-up segment shown in this sketch, but the show ran out of time and had to cut it, a deletion that thankfully prevented me from pulling out my hair over having to sit through EVEN MORE bad gay stereotype humor.
STARS: *

GOODNIGHTS

— Right before these goodnights get cut off early, Finesse brings Jason to the front of the stage and points at him while looking at the audience (the right side of the last above screencap for these goodnights), given the fact that this was Jason’s first episode as a cast member. In my SNL project, this is the very first instance I’ve noticed of what would go on to be a semi-tradition: a cast member being pointed out by his or her cast mates during the goodnights of either his or her very first episode, or the first episode that he or she finally does something that kills with the audience after about half a season of struggling to get any noteworthy roles.

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IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— (*sigh*) Not only is this what feels like the billionth consecutive weak episode this season, but I found this episode to be particularly frustrating. Sure, there was actually a decent number of things that worked, but they were pretty much canceled out by all of the badness that surrounded it, as most of that badness wasn’t just typical mediocrity; it was among some of the absolute WORST things to air in this entire season. And given the quality of this season, that’s certainly saying something. Of this season, only the frustration I got from reviewing the Hilary Swank episode can compare to the frustration I got from reviewing certain portions of tonight’s episode. As I said in my last review, season 31 cannot come soon enough for me. In case you haven’t been able to tell, reviewing season 30 on a daily basis has officially taken its toll on me. No other season has been this frustrating for me to review, not even any of “The Notorious Three” (seasons 6, 11, and 20).

MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS

HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Tom Brady)
a mild step down

My full set of screencaps for this episode is here

TOMORROW
Will Ferrell makes his hosting debut, to hopefully add some shred of quality to this dire season shortly before it ends. (I guess he wasn’t available for the season finale.)