January 14, 2006 – Scarlett Johansson / Death Cab For Cutie (S31 E10)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

THE 700 GANG
by RBS- to Pat Robertson, divine retribution explains all

— Uh…oooooooookay. So we’re starting with a Smigel cartoon? Well, THIS is certainly new.
— A very rare case of a cold opening not being live. We end up getting another non-live cold opening just two episodes from now.
— I’m always down for SNL breaking from their formula and trying something different, but this particular instance has too sloppy a feel. You can totally tell this cartoon was not intended for the cold opening slot and was taken out of a larger cartoon (which airs later in tonight’s episode), especially given how this cold opening abruptly begins with a voice-over saying “Then it’s Pat Robertson and the 700 Gang”, as if this was preceded by something.
— Very funny ridiculous claims from Pat Robertson to a group of baffled children about why God punished then-recently-deceased or ailing celebrities.
— The “Live from New York…” from Pat Robertson’s voice (Robert Smigel) at the end came off VERY hastily and sloppily re-dubbed. You can so tell that “Live from New York…” was not originally voiced during the making of this cartoon, because 1) the quality of the audio of Robertson’s LFNY sounds jarringly different from the rest of this cartoon, 2) Robertson’s mouth during that LFNY is clearly saying something else, and 3) Robertson’s mouth is seen still speaking after we finish hearing him yell LFNY. We also don’t get the typical camera zoom-in during Robertson’s LFNY.
— And the cold opening is ALREADY over, after only about a minute. This has got to be one of the shortest cold openings in recent memory.
— This overall cartoon itself was actually pretty solid, but it was just too jarring, sloppy, and poorly-edited in the cold opening slot. Should’ve either kept it within the TV Funhouse later tonight, or just aired the whole TV Funhouse as a cold opening.
— When this episode would later be rerun, this 700 Gang cold opening would have some alterations, including a re-animated ending that not only would have Robertson’s mouth movements actually match his LFNY, but would also include the camera doing the appropriate zoom-in on him during his LFNY.
STARS: **½

MONOLOGUE
host & less-famous AMP sing “Isn’t It Wonderful Being A Star?”

— I see Amy’s gotten a tan over the Christmas break. Or does her skin only look a little darker than usual standing next to Scarlett Johansson?
— Meh, another song-and-dance monologue.
— Some funny self-deprecating digs from Amy at her own lack of big fame.
— Overall, this didn’t turn out too bad for a song-and-dance monologue. Amy’s lyrics during the song, and the way those lyrics humorously contrasted with Scarlett’s lyrics, made this entertaining enough.
STARS: ***

TACO TOWN
Rerun from 10/8/05

DEEP HOUSE DISH
DJ Dynasty Handbag (KET) welcomes (AMP), (host), (CHP)

— Meh, this has become recurring.
— Amy’s song at least convincingly sounds like it could be a real song.
— Once again, ugh at all the “Ooh-wee, Tiara”s throughout this sketch. A terrible running gag.
— Ha, Chris is actually pretty funny during his musical performance.
STARS: **

SMORGASBORD
Scandinavian cooks (SEM) & (host) & their recipes are gloomy

Swedish Chef (ANS) has joined the craze for ringtones

— A laugh from the random opening credits sequence, especially the dubbed voice for Seth.
— Funny reveal of Scarlett’s comatose husband currently being in the same room this cooking show is filmed in, but this is the second time this season that Bill was stuck playing either a dead or comatose person in a sketch, when SNL could’ve easily just have gotten an extra for either roles. In fact, Bill doesn’t have any lines in any sketches tonight. I know he’s still new at this point, but for a newbie who has shown eons of potential and was very well-liked among SNL fans at the time, his airtime has sadly taken a big hit these past few episodes. I can’t remember the last really big or noteworthy role he had in a sketch. The Vincent Price sketch from way back in November of this season???
— The Swedish Chef Ringtones commercial is freakin’ hilarious, and a great spoof of this era’s craze of ringtone commercials.
— A pretty funny lengthy run-on explanation from Seth on why Scarlett doesn’t like a cup of glog.
— Overall, a pretty good sketch spoofing gloomy Swedish culture.
STARS: ***

TV FUNHOUSE
by RBS- religious kids programming covers evolution, stem cells, celibacy

— Smigel does another spot-on spoof of typical Hanna-Barbera 1960s animation.
— A great dopey voice for Darwin, which I think is supposed to sound like Magilla Gorilla.
— I like the format of this, with a collection of various religious-themed cartoons, with the Darwin cartoon being the main feature. The 700 Gang cold opening from earlier, which was obviously originally intended to be one of the various religious-themed cartoons in this TV Funhouse, would’ve flowed much better had it aired here.
— I love all the angry yells of “DAR-WIIIIIIIN!” from the straight men in the Darwin cartoon.
STARS: ***½

MIKE & TONI’S CHANDELIER GALAXY
Mike (FRA) & Toni’s (RAD) Chandelier Galaxy has classy lighting fixtures

— The first of a series of sketches with Fred’s character advertising different elegant house decorations. This is the only one where Fred’s character is joined by his wife, played by Rachel, given the fact that the subsequent installments of this sketch are all after Rachel has left the cast.
— Fred’s accent is very funny, and Fred just has a knack for making this type of material funny, much like the computer school commercial from the preceding season’s Paris Hilton episode.
— Some laughs from a silent Rachel stiffly making hand movements that match Fred’s gestures during his speaking to the camera.
— Overall, a charming and fun execution of such a comically dumb and thin premise.
STARS: ***½

DULUTH LIVE
Jim Morrison-esque (WLF) & band perform epic theme song

— Here comes yet another Will Forte masterpiece, which is great to see one episode after Will just had an all-time masterpiece (Spelling Bee).
— Some technical gaffes early on, especially Jason’s microphone not working when he’s introducing the show’s band.
— In some ways, the sketch feels to me like a bit of a precursor to the famous recurring What Up With That sketches, only even crazier, which is a huge plus for me, especially when that craziness involves Will Forte front-and-center.
— Oh, hell yeah! As if this hilarious sketch couldn’t get any better, now Will is starting to go full-on Batshit Insane Will Forte mode, with his whole angry, intense, red-faced, spoken “Thunderbird spirit” rant and his sung “Please, mama, don’t you point that gun at meeeeeee!” bit.
— Impressive bit with Will chugging a whole bottle of Jack Daniels.
— Fantastic maniacal drumming from Fred, a great use of his real-life drumming skills.
STARS: *****

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Soul Meets Body”

WEEKEND UPDATE
Samuel Alito’s wife Martha-Ann (RAD) reacts during confirmation hearing

Nutbird News Quiz- AMP tries to identify loony Pat Robertson quotes

Shaggy Hair Corner- ANS speaks on behalf of those sharing his hairstyle

 

— Oh, no. We get a variation of the awful bit from an earlier Update this season where Rachel played congresswoman Jean Schmidt, with her now playing Samuel Alito’s wife.
— I did at least get a chuckle from the cutaway to Rachel-as-Alito’s-wife wearing a fake long white beard while looking impatiently at her watch, and the only reason I liked that was because it reminded me of the Long White Beard commercial SNL did in the late 80s, one of my personal favorites of the commercials from that era.
— Ugh at the punchline to one joke being Amy doing extended singing of lyrics from Limp Bizkit’s “Nookie”. Unnecessary and annoying.
— Is that behind-the-scenes SNL legend Hal Willner in the photo of the crazy homeless guy (the twelfth above screencap for this Update)?
— This Nutbird News Quiz between Tina and Amy reminds me too much of the Bitch Fight News Quiz they did earlier this season, though this one isn’t quite as bad.
— Ha, the Nutbird News Quiz segment ended up being worth it just to hear Don Pardo at the end say in a quivery voice “Insane in the membrane, insane in the brrrrraaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiin!”
— Andy in his own Update commentary. SNL is obviously pushing him tonight after the humongous success Lazy Sunday experienced over SNL’s Christmas break prior to this episode.
— Tina sets up Andy’s “Shaggy Hair Corner” by saying it’s the first of what will be a regular segment. We would end up never seeing this segment return.
— I always love seeing childhood photos of SNL cast members, which we see of Andy here (the fifth-and-sixth-to-last above screencaps for this Update). I love how oddly 1970s Andy’s high-school photo looks (the fifth-to-last above screencap for this Update), which is even funnier when you realize that photo must’ve been from around the mid-90s.
— In the fake album cover of Andy (the fourth-to-last above screencap for this Update), he appears to be wearing the exact same viking attire he would later famously wear in a certain popular Natalie Portman-starring Digital Short from later this season.
— Andy’s overall commentary wasn’t much, and he seemed to know it was dumb. His likable charm was the only thing carrying it. I can see why this segment ends up never becoming recurring.
STARS: **

MY SUPER SWEET 16
spoiled rich kid (host) demands an extravagant party

— Amy’s skin looks particularly darker than usual in this sketch.
— What was with the long, awkward pause just now, right before Amy said something? Did Scarlett forget a line and Amy was forced to jump ahead of the script to keep the sketch moving?
— I love Chris’ controlled frustration throughout this sketch as the father. He’s always perfect at portraying calm-but-subtly-irritated characters.
— While there are some laughs from this sketch’s portrayal of typical spoiled girls on My Super Sweet 16, this sketch is still falling a little short for me, though I’m not sure why.
STARS: **½

ONCE IN A LIFETIME JEWELERS
cheerful prater Ed Mahoney (JAS) aims to get a ring from a jewelry store

— A very strong and fun characterization from Jason.
— I love Jason’s line “Would the 16-year-old me be excited about the woman the 30-year-old him was about to marry? Probably not”, then saying “Then again, the 16-year-old me was kind of a dick.”
— Very funny line from Jason requesting a ring for his girlfriend that’s not so small that she’ll kick him in the nuts. Then when Scarlett says she hopes that’s not true, Jason hilariously responds “You hope that’s not true?!? Get in line behind my nuts!”, then admitting his girlfriend is actually very nice to his nuts, which is part of the reason why he’s buying a ring for her in the first place.
— Man, Jason has non-stop funny lines in this entire sketch. He is killing it here. Even just his character’s mere laugh throughout this sketch is a great little character detail.
— Finesse gets stuck in his usual non-speaking bit role, for the second time tonight. His chances of coming back the following season are looking slimmer and slimmer by the episode.
— Ah, this sketch takes place in Kansas City, which makes sense, as I think that’s where Jason grew up in real life.
— Hilarious ending with Jason’s failed attempt to dash out of the store with stolen jewelry.
STARS: ****½

SUBMARINE AFFAIR
oceanographer (SEM) is cuckolded by (host) & (HOS) aboard a minisubmarine

— Lately, I’ve been starting to forget Horatio is even still in the cast. He’s yet another cast member who’s airtime has really taken a hit lately (hell, he was nowhere to be seen in the preceding Jack Black episode, and there’s another episode later this season that he’s absent in, I think the Lindsay Lohan one), but unlike Bill and Finesse’s lack of airtime lately, I certainly have no complaints about Horatio’s decreased presence.
— Seth has noticeably flubbed a line in both sketches he’s starred in tonight.
— I love Horatio’s forced-friendly “Heyyyy” to Seth after Scarlett reveals to Seth that she’s been having an affair with Horatio.
— Some really funny things happening in such a tiny submarine, such as Horatio’s only way of giving Seth and Scarlett some privacy is by simply turning over onto his side to face the other direction.
— Hmm, much like Seth, Scarlett herself has been a bit flubby with some her lines throughout tonight’s episode.
STARS: ***½

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Crooked Teeth”

MR. WILLOUGHBY
(TIF), (RAD), (host) pine for yucky Mr. Willoughby in Jane Austen movie

— A huge Bill Brasky vibe to this sketch. This sketch is basically what the Bill Brasky sketches would be if the characters in it were dignified 19th-century women instead of drunk, loud, modern-day businessmen.
— As always, Rachel is so much fun playing Victorian-era women.
— While these ridiculous one-liners being spouted off about Mr. Willoughby don’t hold a candle to the ridiculous one-liners typically spouted off about Bill Brasky, they’re still pretty solid.
— I particularly like Tina’s line “Some say at night, he roams the fields performing lewdnesses on the livestock…but I believe it!”
STARS: ***½

GOODNIGHTS

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IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— The streak of good episodes continues. I liked most of the sketches in this episode, one is a classic (Duluth Live), and one is seemingly forgotten among most SNL fans but a near-classic in my personal opinion (Once in a Lifetime Jewelers). This episode is also an example of one of the things I love about this season, and why this season is such a breath of fresh air from the dire season that preceded it: the refreshing and solid sketch concepts on display, such as the Submarine Affair sketch.

MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS

 

HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Jack Black)
a mild step down

My full set of screencaps for this episode is here

TOMORROW
Peter Sarsgaard