January 21, 2006 – Peter Sarsgaard / The Strokes (S31 E11)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

ANDERSON COOPER 360
Ray Nagin (FIM) spins wish for Chocolate City

— Finesse gets his first big role in months AND his first speaking role in two episodes…and he spends this role flubbing several of his lines. Yeesh, if I hadn’t already known that Finesse IS capable of being funny, I’d react to his performance in this sketch by saying “Well, no wonder SNL never gives this guy any airtime.”
— Darrell-as-Jesse-Jackson’s preachy “dessert cart” speech is cracking me up.
— I’ve said this in an earlier review, but I really dislike that dumb prosthetic nose Amy always wears as Hillary Clinton. It’s pointless, makes no sense, and bears no resemblance to the real Hillary. Sadly, it wouldn’t take SNL until the real Hillary appears on the show in 2008 for them to finally get rid of Amy’s prosthetic nose, presumably because they were worried Hillary would be a little offended by it.
— Seth’s Anderson Cooper is a fairly dull straight man here. His only “reactions” to crazy statements his guests make are just shrugging his eyebrows and saying a monotone “Wow.” Gets old fast.
— Good ending line from Darrell’s Jackson regarding crayon colors.
STARS: ***

OPENING MONTAGE
— During Kenan Thompson’s part of the opening montage tonight, Don Pardo mistakenly thinks it’s time to announce the featured players, and says “Featuring…Bill….(*realizes his mistake*)….Kenan Thompson”. (That gaffe is misheard by a lot of people as just “Featuring….Kenan Thompson”. Listen closely and you’ll hear Don actually precede his utterance of “Kenan Thompson” with “Bill…” before cutting himself off when realizing his error.) This gaffe throws Don off afterwards, as he’s then off on his timing when announcing the first two featured players, Bill Hader and Andy Samberg.

MONOLOGUE
host’s behavior creeped out JAS, RAD, FRA, AMP, TIF, KET during the week

— I absolutely love the John Malkovich similarities I’m hearing in Peter Sarsgaard’s voice, given the fact that Malkovich is one of my favorite actors and one of my all-time favorite SNL hosts.
— Lots of funny backstage clips, getting good mileage out of Peter’s reputation for playing dark and creepy characters (which is another similarity Peter has to John Malkovich).
STARS: ****

NELSON’S BABY TOUPEES
Nelson’s Baby Toupees are wigs for male infantile baldness sufferers

— Bill gets his first noteworthy role in about two months. It’s about time.
— A good display of Bill’s commercial pitchman skills.
— Meh. I can see why people would like this, but this type of humor often does little for me, including here. Far more cutesy than funny to me, and not even a particularly well-done kind cutesy, as SNL has done some more-cutesy-than-funny pieces that I’ve actually enjoyed.
STARS: **

TARGET
Target Lady’s manager (host) lets customers wait while he’s on break

— This sketch has officially become recurring, and I see SNL is already confident enough in it to place it as the lead-off sketch of the night.
— Peter calmly sipping his cup of coffee while constantly mentioning he’s on his break and how much he’s enjoying it is giving me my only real amusement in this otherwise-tepid Target Lady fare, just because of Peter’s perfectly dry and subtly creepy performance. It’s adding to that great Malkovich-esque vibe I’ve been enjoying from Peter tonight. Without even trying hard, he is MILES better here than Dane Cook’s annoying try-too-hard performance in the first installment of this sketch.
— Ugh, I cannot stand the running gag in these sketches with Target Lady always running off to get something she sees a customer of hers has bought. And the customers in these sketches always say the exact same damn thing whenever Target Lady does that: “Where is that woman going???” The writer(s) of these Target Lady sketches don’t even bother changing that line up, despite the fact that it’s completely different customers who deliver that same line, showing how thinly and poorly-written the straight men in these sketches are, which would go on to be sadly typical for “Kristen Wiig plays a wacky, over-the-top character while everybody else reacts to her” sketches.
STARS: **

PIRATE CONVENTION
host is keynote speaker at pirate convention due to “arr” sounds in name

— I love the randomness of a pirate convention being held at a modern-day Holiday Inn.
— Will is perfect as the head pirate for this convention.
— Lots of laughs from the pirates taking so much delight in emphasizing the “arrrr” sounds in words.
— Andy’s performance in this is pretty lousy. Compared to the expert performances from the rest of the cast, Andy’s delivery doesn’t sound convincing at all as a pirate. A reminder of how green he is as a live performer in these earlier seasons of his SNL tenure. IIRC, he doesn’t start improving as a live performer until around 2008.
— Funny random gag with Fred’s non-pirate voice.
— A good and fun use of Peter in this particular sketch, given his last name, which is obviously how the writer of this sketch came up with this sketch premise.
— I love how the pirates are trying to get Peter to say words with an “ar” sound in them, and how he gradually catches on. He’s playing his role well here.
— Poor Chris is stuck with no individual lines in this sketch, unlike the other cast members playing pirates here. Chris’ only dialogue is yelling in unison with the rest of the pirates. What was the point of putting him in this sketch, then? A sad reminder that, despite the popularity Chris had recently achieved with Lazy Sunday, SNL continues to spend this final season of his no longer knowing what to do with him, especially with Jason and Bill gradually taking over the roles that Chris would usually get.
— Part of what makes this sketch so fun is the fact that it’s fully aware of how dumb it is, and is leaning into that in all the right ways.
— This sketch immediately being followed by a promo with Don Pardo announcing the host and musical guest of the next episode reminds me that some online SNL fans back at this time in 2006 expressed disappointment that Don didn’t say the “ar” in our next host’s name (who I’ll reveal at the very end of this episode review) with a pirate-type “arrrrrrrr”, given the sketch that preceded it. That could’ve been fun, and would’ve fit in this season, as the show has been getting some decent mileage out of having Don say silly things this season (e.g. the “Insane in the membrane” bit in the preceding episode’s Weekend Update). One of those aforementioned online SNL fans in 2006 even suggested that SNL bring this Pirate Convention sketch back in the next episode, given the aforementioned fact that our next host has an “ar” sound in his last name. While I love tonight’s Pirate Convention sketch, doing the exact same sketch in the very next episode would’ve REALLY been pushing it.
STARS: ****½

CAROL!
at the opening of his art gallery, (host) falls for coarse Carol

— Feels like I literally just reviewed a Carol sketch. They gotta space these sketches out more.
— When this episode originally aired, I remember some online SNL fans having a theory that Peter’s “Your rapier wit delights me” line to Carol was originally written to have Carol hornily respond by twisting that line around to have something to do with how she’d be delighted to be raped by him (given her trademark of always repeating things men say to her, only twisting the words around to be something sexual she wants the man to do to her…which, now that I write that, sounds like Merv The Perv’s routine, only with the gender pronouns reversed), but was nixed because even SNL realized that a rape joke of that nature would be too tasteless, even for a Carol sketch.
— I love the cutaway to Jason’s stone-faced silent facial reaction (the third above screencap for this sketch) after Carol requests an overly elaborate drink.
— Peter is playing a fantastic romantic interest here, and is amusing me throughout this.
— Carol FINALLY got an intended laugh from me in these sketches: her responding to a lengthy, intelligently-worded, poetic-sounding spiel of Peter’s by saying “Ooooh, you talk like channel 13”.
— Overall, most of the stuff from Horatio’s Carol character resulted in the usual blankly neutral reactions from me, but Peter’s solid performance made this sketch a little fun for me, and, as mentioned above, even Carol had one funny line.
STARS: **½

YOUNG CHUCK NORRIS
music video has Doug Brogar (JAS) performing “Young Chuck Norris (ANS)”

— Our very first post-Lazy Sunday Digital Short.
— Very fast-moving short so far, but I’m getting a lot of laughs and the song is very fun.
— The fact that Andy wasn’t made to look a thing like Chuck Norris is making this even funnier and more random.
— The bits with Jason’s singing narrator character are strong, and he’s making a few priceless over-the-top singing facial expressions.
— A good laugh from Young Chuck Norris punching Amy out of nowhere.
— Like with a lot of Lonely Island music videos, there are tons of funny little details throughout this.
— Great ending.
STARS: ****

CAT FANCY MAGAZINE
Cat Fancy Magazine editor (host) fires reporter (SEM) for made-up stories

— Right out of the gate, loud and frequent meowing can be heard off-camera, giving away the eventual reveal of this.
— Heh, did the cat in Seth’s lap just change between shots?
— Boom mic in the shot, front-and-center and for quite a long time.
— Jesus Christ, Peter is stumbling over his lines left and right throughout this sketch.
— This sketch is such a mess. And am I even supposed to be laughing at the growing number of cats crawling around the table during Seth and Peter’s dramatic conversation? Maybe I’d enjoy this sketch more if I were familiar with Peter’s movie Shattered Glass, which this is said to be a direct spoof of.
— A glimpse of a stagehand placing cats on the set can occasionally be briefly seen in the shot, but maybe that’s an intentional joke.
— Even the ending of this sketch is coming off awkward and messy, with the camera being VERY wobbly while zooming out on the sketch while the fake city backdrop outside the window is all shaky for some reason. Peter can also be seen muttering something to himself in a very upset manner right before the screen fades to black. That could just be part of the script, as perhaps Peter’s character did that because he was upset over the tense conversation he had just had with Seth’s character, but I’ve seen some people theorize that Peter’s upset muttering at the end of this wasn’t part of the script; it was supposedly him genuinely damning himself over how much he kept flubbing his lines throughout the sketch. Who knows for sure, though?
— SNL would later replace this sketch with the dress rehearsal version in reruns. The only big difference I can remember is that, during one part when a stagehand is seen in the shot trying to place a cat on the desk, the cat is initially too scared to cooperate and wriggles around wildly and uncomfortably in the stagehand’s hands before finally getting onto the desk, which results in Peter and Seth looking at each other and simultaneously breaking out in giggles briefly.
STARS: *½

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Juicebox”

WEEKEND UPDATE
Osama bin Laden truce would require AMP & TIF to read the news in burqas

losing to George W. Bush has left Al Gore (DAH) & John Kerry (SEM) bitter

droopy-breasted Drew Barrymore [real] shames AMP & TIF for catty comments

— Wow, Tina’s opening string of jokes is so bad, even the audience’s laughter is extremely lukewarm.
— Very lame clip with Tina and Amy in burqas getting stones thrown at them, a gag that, again, not even SNL’s audience laughed at.
— Feels odd seeing Seth’s John Kerry back for the first time in a year. It’s giving me really unwanted flashbacks to season 30.
— Despite some chuckleworthy lines from Darrell’s Al Gore, this Gore/Kerry commentary isn’t doing it for me at all.
— Ugh, I hate how Amy always has to point out the comical Updates photos that are displayed as punchlines, which she has done again just now during her hacky joke about Hillary Clinton in cornrows.
— Not sure what the hell to think about the bit with Drew Barrymore and her comically floppy breasts, but I don’t think I like it. Way too desperately cartoonish for my likes, in that typical cringey Fey/Poehler Update era manner.
— Overall, oof. Probably the worst Update I’ve reviewed in a while, which is certainly saying something, given which Update era this is. And it’s not just me – as I pointed out a few times, even the studio audience was a bit subdued during tonight’s Update, which is noteworthy because the audience usually eats up these Fey/Poehler Updates.
STARS: *½

GAYS IN SPACE
captain (host) runs into ex-boyfriend (FIM) in a bar

— OH FUCKING NO. Why couldn’t SNL have left this dreck in season 30 where it belonged?
— Is it wrong that I can’t help but wonder if Peter Sarsgaard’s Malkovich-esque sorta-effeminate voice is what inspired SNL writer James Anderson to dig this sketch out of the mothballs this week?
— I see SNL isn’t letting Maya Rudolph’s hiatus stop them from doing this sketch, as Will takes over her duties of performing this sketch’s theme song. Oh, and speaking of Maya, wow, I had completely forgotten about her until now. Her maternity leave has been going on for so long and I’ve gotten so used to SNL without her that it feels like she’s already officially left the cast. I’m sure it’s going to feel a little weird initially seeing her back, especially when we see her and newbie Kristen in the same sketch for the very first time.
— So far, this sketch is as insufferable as usual. I am so glazed over during this.
— Seth’s delivery of the word “naked-er” provided a mild chuckle from me.
— Man, Will seems so out of place to me singing this sketch’s opening and closing theme song. I’m usually always a sucker for some comical Will Forte singing, but it’s just plain sad to see him do this.
STARS: *

FAIRMOUNT SUITES INN
lost remote forces hotel guest (host) to endure loop of (RAD)’s TV spiel

— Oh, here comes an infamous sketch. This is going to be very interesting to review and break down.
— Early on, we already get a gaffe, though a minor one: while Peter is taking off his suit when he’s about to lay down, the camera seems lost on where to zoom in, initially starting to zoom in on the clock, then starting to zoom in on Peter, then finally zooming back in on the clock.
— I’m liking Peter’s snarky responses to Rachel’s announcements in the endless loop that’s played of her on the TV.
— Aaaaaaand there it goes. When slamming his hands on top of the TV in frustration after not being able to turn the TV off, Peter genuinely accidentally causes the screen on the TV to go black, completely ruining the whole conceit of this sketch about how Peter’s character can’t shut the TV off. Not knowing what else to do, all the while Rachel’s voice is heard still doing her character’s usual announcements, an unsure Peter reaches behind the TV in a failed attempt to fix it, while we get a very awkward camera angle of him that obviously wasn’t planned (the fifth above screencap for this sketch). This now-botched sketch has really started to get messy now, as Peter and a laughing, off-camera Rachel sloppily talk over each other, which includes a comedic line from Peter that gets lost in the unplanned cacophony, where he says, as a sarcastic response to Rachel’s announcement of the hotel having dial-up internet access, “Oh, dial-up internet? Is it 1994 already?”
— Due to the mishap with the TV, SNL has now been forced to awkwardly cut to a full-screen shot of Rachel (still trying to stifle her laughter), who was only supposed to be shown on the TV.
— The head of a stagehand (wonder if it’s the same one who was seen during several brief points of the Cat Fancy Magazine sketch) can be seen rushing into the shot, obviously to fix the broken TV off-camera.
— Peter has now given up staying in character, and is aimlessly just walking around the set, loudly and openly giggling his way through his lines and half-assing the material, which is strangely endearing in this particular situation.
— Now the TV is finally working again, though a “Video 1” graphic is initially seen on the screen, making it obvious that the TV has been turned on just a few seconds ago.
— Very fun bit with Peter’s character, after having gotten so used to Rachel’s announcements that are played on an endless loop, setting up Rachel’s announcements with questions that’ll make the announcements sound dirty or ridiculous (e.g. “What did you say to your husband on your wedding night, Barb?” “WOW, LOOK AT THOSE SHRIMP!”).
— Now a stagehand can be seen handing Peter the remote that Peter “finds” under the bed.
— Great turn at the end with Rachel affectionately responding to Peter’s longingly-delivered “I need you”, and them both proceeding to make out with each other through the screen.
— Overall, wow. Just wow. This sketch got botched like no other sketch in SNL history, besides maybe the legendary first Debbie Downer sketch and, in a more recent example, the non-ending of that Cornel of Kern sketch with Steve Carell in 2018 (which, incidentally, has the distinction of being the last new live SNL sketch I’ve ever seen, as that Steve Carell episode is the last new episode before I started my still-ongoing hiatus from watching new episodes). However, all of the screw-ups in this sketch actually really amused me and strangely added a lot to the sketch’s enjoyment. Quite a lot of online SNL fans back at this time in 2006 felt the same way, which is why I’m a bit surprised that when this episode would later be re-aired, the dress rehearsal version of this sketch would be used, in which no gaffes occur and Peter is more committed to the material. Despite my appreciation for the botched live version of the sketch, I actually found the gaffe-free dress version in the rerun to be enjoyable in its own right. After all, this sketch does have solid writing and a fun format with Peter’s character gradually descending into desperation over the course of the sketch.
STARS: ****½

ELDERLY WIRETAP
grandmothers’ (AMP) & (RAD) phone conversation attracts an NSA wiretap

— Not caring much for this so far, but I got a laugh from the 9/11 gag just now, with Peter misinterpreting Amy saying “9, 11” when revealing the ages of her two grandchildren.
— I like Peter angrily whipping off his headphones and walking away after the disappointing IBM reveal.
— Meh, an easy and predictable punchline at the end, with Amy and Rachel’s old lady characters turning out to have a terrorist scheme after all.
STARS: **

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “You Only Live Once”

PETER SARSGAARD’S SARS GUARDS
host is trying to sell 250 million of his leftover SARS Guard facemasks

— Uh, wow. SNL sure is getting a lot of mileage tonight out of Peter’s last name. Fun, though, so I can’t complain.
— Needless to say, it feels quite odd watching this Sars-related sketch during our current times.
— Even the cutaway to a photo of the Sars Guard’s warehouse is strangely very amusing to me.
— I like Peter’s seriousness when expressing regret and frustration over not being able to sell his product.
— Peter seemed to botch his “You might not be making a terrible decision by not getting involved with them today” line (unless that botched line was an intentional joke), but he managed to make even THAT charming and amusing with the way he looked upwards in a puzzled, pensive manner right after that line.
STARS: ***½

GOODNIGHTS

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IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A fairly messy episode (which is probably what everyone remembers about it…well, that, and the sketches making fun of Peter Sarsgaard’s last name), and an episode that I assume is widely disliked among general SNL fans, including myself when this episode originally aired. During my viewing just now, however, I actually found this to be just a very mixed episode, with about an equal amount of stuff I liked and disliked. There was almost a bipolar quality to the episode, as it felt like I either absolutely loved or absolutely hated the sketches, with very little middle ground. As a whole, though, I didn’t mind this episode. And Peter Sarsgaard was a host I found surprisingly likable, and the vibe he gave the episode as a whole is probably a big part of the reason why I don’t mind how up-and-down this episode was. While odd, he was an enjoyable host, partly due to his subtle creepy charm, and partly due to him being a good sport, especially in regards to all the humor SNL got out of his last name. Hell, he even managed to make me smile at several points during a freakin’ Carol sketch, and he single-handedly almost made a Target Lady sketch good.

MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS

HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Scarlett Johansson)
a slight step down

My full set of screencaps for this episode is here

TOMORROW
Steve Marrrrrrrtin (there’s that Pirate Convention callback) makes his then-long-awaited return as a host for the first time in 12 years. To fit this special occasion, we also get an epic musical guest pick: Prince, making his long-awaited return as a musical guest for the first time in 25(!) years (not counting SNL’s 15th Anniversary Special). We also get the return of Maya Rudolph from her long maternity leave. I wonder if the epic host/musical guest line-up for this upcoming episode is what made Maya decide to make her return that particular week.