April 8, 2006 – Antonio Banderas / Mary J. Blige (S31 E15)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

ANDERSON COOPER 360
Vicente Fox (host) & Cynthia McKinney (KET)

— A sketch in 2006 joking about building a wall on the Mexican border? Hoo, boy.
— A laugh from Jason’s vague line about finding a “labor force” willing to build the Mexican border wall.
— Some good lines from Antonio Banderas here, and it’s nice to see the host in a cold opening like this.
— Kenan In A Dress alert. By the way, this is sign #1 that Maya is not in the building tonight, as this particular role of Cynthia McKinney definitely would’ve gone to her, but since she’s out this week (she’ll be missing both this AND the next episode, as she asked Lorne for some more time off to spend at home with her new baby), SNL had to resort to throwing Kenan into drag to portray a black woman who’s in the headlines. Ugh.
— Another ugh from me towards Kenan, because, as usual, Kenan is playing this black female role in the EXACT SAME generic and tired “sassy” manner that he plays almost every other black woman.
— Also as usual, Seth’s Anderson Cooper is a bland straight man, having no actual reactions to the crazy things his guests say. Also, his comedic lines at the beginning and end of these Anderson Cooper 360 sketches always fall flat with the audience.
— I will say that I really like Seth’s VERY energetic “Live from New York…” at the end of this.
STARS: **½

MONOLOGUE
host removes his male clothes & reveals that he is actually a woman

— A funny opening line from Antonio about how tonight is probably the beginning of the end of his career.
— Uh, okay. No idea what to say about this big and very random reveal of Antonio being a woman, complete with him ripping off his suit to reveal a full-on dress underneath.
— Antonio is winning me over on this iffy premise, with his very fun and charming commitment. He is selling the hell out of this.
— Surprised this is over already, but I’m glad they kept this short and sweet, given the questionable premise.
STARS: ***

BASIC INSTINCT 2: THE RETURN OF THE BEAVER
Basic Instinct 2 keeps the focus on Sharon Stone’s (AMP) crotch

— I love Will’s delivery of “Close that up for me” in regards to Amy’s Sharon Stone having her legs wide open.
— Overall, funny performances from Will and Amy, and the usual strong voice-over work from Chris, but there wasn’t much to this trailer, even though that was the whole point. I didn’t laugh all that much after a while.
STARS: **

DEAL OR NO DEAL
contestant (host) doesn’t understand how to play

— Very funny portrayal of Howie Mandel by Fred, even if I’ve never seen the real Howie Mandel act remotely like that.
— Hilarious little bit with Fred’s Mandel panicking when Antonio opens the briefcase as soon as he receives it.
— I love Antonio as the very confused contestant who keeps failing to understand how this game is played.
— Both Fred and Antonio are slaying me in this sketch.
— Not sure I understood the ending with Fred’s Mandel angrily storming off after he accidentally called the show “No Deal or Deal” instead of “Deal or No Deal”.
STARS: ****

VOICE RECORDING BLIND DATE
at a party, automated phone menu voicer Julie collects info from (host)

— They’re bringing back this automated phone voice recording character of Rachel’s? I found this sketch really charming and fun the first time they did it earlier this season, but this doesn’t feel like something that needed to be done a second time.
— So far, this sketch is just hitting the exact same beats from the first installment, and it’s not working for me quite as well this time.
— I do like the new addition of Fred as the Spanish voice recording option.
— Overall, aside from the addition of Fred, this sketch was just an inferior re-write of the first installment of this.
STARS: **½

BESOS Y LAGRIMAS
gardener’s (host) bare chest spurs passionate reactions

— Talk about the random return of a sketch, we now get the return of a one-off sketch from two seasons prior with Christina Aguilera. Given tonight’s host, I can understand why they’re bringing this back, but I’m wary on whether this will hold up well as a recurring sketch. Seems like it would be better left as a fun one-off, much like Rachel’s automated voice recording bit.
— This obviously must be a recording of a sketch performed at dress rehearsal, because there’s no possible way Antonio could’ve gotten changed so fast from the end of the preceding sketch to the beginning of this one, with no commercial break in between. Live episodes airing recordings of sketches that were performed at dress rehearsal sometimes occurs, at least back in the early-mid 2000s (one example is the famous Oprah’s Favorite Things sketch with Megan Mullally).
— Fred’s been having a big night so far. He’s all over this episode.
— A somewhat funny running gag with Antonio’s shirt blowing open.
— A good laugh from a superimposed transparent shot of Rachel’s head randomly floating past the camera during one interstitial shot of the Besos Y Lagrimas title card.
— Pretty funny variation of the running gag with Antonio’s shirt, with the baby’s shirt blowing open.
— Overall, while I still laughed at this sketch, it didn’t feel as strong as the first installment of it.
STARS: ***

THE 13TH ANNUAL WOMEN’S BASKETBALL COACHES’ FASHION AWARDS
butch looks get their due

— The slogan of the Seasonale ad during the opening “sponsored by…” bit (“Combine all your periods into four mind-blowing whoppers a year!”) kinda feels like a precursor to the very famous Annuale commercial that would later air in the first Tina Fey-hosted episode.
— I like Rachel’s execution of the bit about squatting in an above-the-knee skirt while giving a pep talk.
— Kristen’s delivery of the name “Dee” tickled me so much. Kristen is good at mining humor out of such simple things like that.
— Sign #2 that Maya’s not in the building tonight: she’s nowhere to be seen in this female-centric sketch, which definitely would’ve cast her, given the fact that all the other female cast members are in it. On the night this episode originally aired, I remember thinking to myself after this sketch ended, “Where the heck is Maya tonight? Did she suddenly get very pregnant AGAIN over the break between these past two episodes?”
— Amy’s performance seems a bit off. Perhaps an early sign of how extremely overworked she’s going to be tonight, as we’ll see as this episode continues.
— I’m getting tired of all the cheap butch stereotypes throughout this sketch, and there’s very little of the written material that’s actually amusing.
— Speaking of me getting tired of something, I’ve had more than my fill of all the musical interludes with Antonio throughout this sketch. While I like his energy in them, enough with these musical bits in this sketch, SNL.
STARS: *½

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Be Without You”

WEEKEND UPDATE
Tom DeLay gets an American Idol send-off with a montage set to “Bad Day”

Dan Rather (DAH) gives backhanded compliments to successor Katie Couric

FIM urges awareness of the warning signs given by angry black women

Chad Michael Murray (WLF) is quick to marry his One Tree Hill co-workers

CHK is mad he wasn’t called upon to do his impression of host

— The American Idol-esque exit video montage of Tom DeLay was just whatever to me. The most interesting thing about it to me is that it, in retrospect, serves as a time capsule of the days when that Bad Day song (“So you had a bad day…”) was INESCAPABLE. Boy, was that song the bane of my existence back then.
— I like Darrell-as-Dan-Rather’s line about laughing for five minutes when hearing Katie Couric is replacing him.
— A good overall commentary from Darrell’s Rather, and I liked his various backhanded compliments.
— Another joke on Update about someone sitting in Star Jones’ fart cloud? SNL already used that joke in a Barbara Walters commentary that Rachel did on Update two seasons prior, a commentary that I assume was written by Tina.
— I’m now just starting to notice that Amy’s voice is hoarse tonight. Perhaps that’s why she’s a little off in some of her performances tonight.
— Meh, I don’t care for the subject matter of tonight’s Finesse commentary.
— Boy, Finesse’s timing seems really off early on in his commentary. What was with that uncomfortably long, awkward pause he made just now?
— I did kinda like Finesse’s line about how his mother used to have a motto in regards to the color of the girls Finesse dates: “If she can’t use my comb, don’t bring her home.”
— When NBC would re-air this episode a few months later over the summer, Finesse’s Update commentary would be completely removed. While I certainly didn’t care for Finesse’s commentary, I remember being pretty shocked at its removal in reruns, especially given how it was such a rare big showcase for the struggling Finesse, then I took that commentary’s removal as a hint that SNL wasn’t bringing Finesse back the following season (even though nothing had been confirmed in the media or on SNL message boards yet), and I figured SNL must’ve thought to themselves “Well, we just fired the guy, so why even bother leaving in the bad Update commentary he does in this weekend’s rerun?” Sure enough, about a week later (maybe even earlier than that), it would be officially announced in the media that Finesse (along with Chris and Horatio) has been fired from the show, as one of the casualties of the budget cuts Lorne was forced to make to the show for the then-upcoming season 32.
— Ha, you can hear a guy in the audience groan “Ugh!” after a joke Amy makes about Barbara Walters having done porn when she was younger.
— Hmm, questionable casting of Will as Chad Michael Murray. Playing a generic, bland teen heartthrob isn’t the type of role I want to see Will being given on Update, as it’s a waste of the great oddball, absurdist energy he usually brings to the Update desk.
— I will say that Will’s portrayal of Chad Michael Murray is giving me some chuckles.
— You can hear another disgusted groan from a guy in the audience, as he can be heard going “Ewww” in response to a garbage disposal joke of Tina’s. This sure is one easily disgusted audience.
— A tree frog joke. Ah, so I see we’re getting an interruption.
— Aaaaaaaand there’s the interruption: a Chris Kattan cameo, which I suppose is fitting for tonight, given who’s hosting this episode. I guess I can’t complain about this particular Kattan cameo, as we’ve thankfully gotten a pretty long break from the frequent cameos he made around 2003 and 2004.
— Ugh, Amy is going really heavy on her typical annoying Weekend Update cutesiness during her fawning over Kattan’s old recurring characters.
— Though I’m sure this segment means well, something feels really sad and pathetic about how Kattan, Tina, and Amy are lovingly reminiscing about all of Kattan’s old recurring characters (even throwing in a reference to his obscure “Hollywood” character at one point, and if you’ve been following my SNL project for a while, I’m sure you KNOW how I feel about that particularly wretched character). This feels pointless and desperate to me. At the time this episode originally aired, I remember thinking to myself that this was basically both Kattan and SNL admitting how poorly Kattan’s post-SNL career had been going, and that the best days of his career were unfortunately ALREADY behind him.
STARS: **

ANTONIO’S STAND-IN
host’s Legend Of Zorro stand-in (HOS) repulses Catherine Zeta-Jones (AMP)

— I love Seth’s sarcastic delivery of “I knooooowww, riiiiiight?!?”
— Hoo, boy. Looks like we’re in for an obnoxious Horatio Sanz hamfest. Oh, Lord spare me.
— Andy makes his ONLY appearance of the entire night in a very brief, blink-and-miss-it walk-on as a clapboard holder. This is also a rare occurrence of him appearing in a sketch with his real-life behind-the-scenes glasses, which I chalk up to the fact that he must’ve realized he was barely appearing onscreen tonight, so he probably thought “Why even bother to take off my backstage glasses?” As much as SNL really wasted Andy tonight, he’s still gotten more airtime than one of his fellow newbies, poor Bill Hader, who is NOWHERE to be seen in this entire episode (excluding the goodnights, where, at one point, Seth can be seen patting Bill on the back, presumably because Seth felt bad for Bill being shut out of this episode). Considering the highly-regarded SNL legend Bill would go on to be, it’s absolutely surreal in hindsight to see how underused he is in these early seasons of his.
— Amy, in regards to Horatio’s character: “Where’d you get this guy? He’s horrible.” Antonio: “I found him passed out in my Jacuzzi.” Amy: “I thought you said he was your cousin.” Wait, if Amy thought Horatio was Antonio’s cousin, then why did she literally JUST ask “Where’d you get this guy?” The writing of this sketch is so half-assed that they can’t even keep THAT little detail straight.
— Aaaaaaaand there goes Horatio’s obligatory cracking up at himself. Ugh.
— Yeah, this sketch is pretty insufferable so far. (*sigh*) Only four episodes left until Horatio is finally the hell out of here.
STARS: *½

RASCALS KARAOKE
karaoke emcee (AMP) gets personal with singer’s (RAD) boyfriend (host)

— Amy in yet ANOTHER big role tonight. Is this really wise on SNL’s part, in a night where Amy obviously isn’t all that well, given her hoarse voice? In fact, her voice sounds like it’s getting hoarser and hoarser as this episode progresses. She starting to sound like a kid who’s voice is in the early stages of changing during puberty.
— Meh at the gag with Amy singing over Rachel during Rachel’s karaoke number, gradually taking over her number, which seems like a lazy and cliched premise.
— Okay, I am getting some laughs from Amy now sluttily climbing all over Antonio during her singing, but it still feels too lazy and cliched.
— Rachel desperately resorting to directing her romantic singing towards random old guy in the crowd is pretty funny.
— I like the turn with Rachel now desperately resorting to singing increasingly raunchy songs, especially “Me So Horny”.
— Wow, even in this sketch, SNL shoehorns in a topical reference to the big immigration controversy going on in America at the time, which has been referenced many times tonight, probably partly due to having a Hispanic host.
— Even in just a brief two-second cutaway, Chris steals this ENTIRE sketch with his hilarious deadpan delivery of his bitter one-liner to Amy: “Screw you, Mary-Anne.” Great to see how, even in his sadly diminishing airtime as we’re nearing the end of his SNL tenure, Chris can still kill with his fantastic deadpan delivery.
— Something about Rachel’s delivery of the line “GO SUCK AN EGG, BOZO!!!” has strangely stuck in my memory over the years ever since this episode originally aired.
— This sketch has died off for me towards the end.
STARS: **½

IMMIGRATION ISSUES
scheming Latinos host, FRA, HOS confirm xenophobic fears of CHP, AMP, JAS

— Geez, SNL, let Amy have a breather! Do you have to put the woman front-and-center in practically EVERY SINGLE SKETCH tonight (even if it’s just in the beginning of this particular sketch)? If this keeps up, her increasingly-hoarse voice is going to completely give out by the 10-to-1 sketch.
— Lots of sloppiness right as Fred makes his entrance. First off, his mic isn’t turned on when he begins speaking, then a distracting shadow of a boom mic can be seen on Horatio’s body in the background, and then Antonio completely misses his cue when he’s supposed to enter at this point, leading to a few seconds of awkward dead air.
— Yet another sketch tonight referencing the big immigration controversy.
— Not sure how to feel about these cliched and unflattering Hispanic stereotypes that Fred, Horatio, and Antonio are reinforcing, though I am kinda liking the way all three performers are working as a team in this. And given how harsh I typically am on Horatio in these later seasons of his, I’ll give him credit for a decent performance here.
STARS: **½

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Enough Cryin”

WINE TASTING
wine tasters (host), (CHP), (AMP) assign odd properties to their drinks

— Oh, look, everyone – Amy front-and-center in YET ANOTHER co-starring role tonight. Nothing against Amy, but what is up with this? I doubt Maya’s absence alone is the reason for SNL’s heavy over-reliance on Amy tonight, because Amy wasn’t consistently utilized to THIS degree in the many episodes that Maya was absent in earlier this season, not even during the pre-Kristen Wiig episodes where Amy and Rachel were literally the only female sketch regulars. Even in this season’s premiere (which Maya appeared in, but just in a limited role, due to her extremely pregnant state at the time), in which Amy appeared in a whopping NINE sketches, most of those appearances were just supporting roles. Tonight, it feels like almost all of her appearances are huge starring or co-starring roles.
— On a completely opposite note from what I just said above, it’s great to see Chris in a big co-starring role here, given his aforementioned diminished airtime this season. Lately, it’s been starting to feel sadly rare to see him get a lead role in a sketch.
— Lots of funny casually-delivered absurd wine descriptions from Antonio, Chris, and Amy. I especially like Chris’ line “The last time we had this vintage, I had a gun in my mouth”, and Amy responding, with a pleasant smile, “Yes, and I was holding that gun.”
— I love Amy’s delivery of “Is anyone getting werewolves?” in reaction to the taste of the wine she and the others are currently sampling.
— An overall short and sweet sketch, though I actually wanted this to go on longer, as I was enjoying the escalating absurdity to it, which felt like it hadn’t hit a peak yet by the time this sketch ended.
— Speaking of wishing this sketch was longer, reruns of this episode would replace this sketch with the dress rehearsal version, which actually is longer. Perhaps the live show ran a little long, forcing SNL to trim the script for this sketch at the last minute. I wonder if the reason for them airing the longer dress rehearsal version of this sketch in reruns, besides making up for how SNL was presumably forced to trim the length of the live version of the sketch, was to fill in the extra time left over from removing Finesse’s commentary on Weekend Update. Or maybe it was the other way around: perhaps SNL desperately wanted to air the longer dress rehearsal version of this sketch, so they cut Finesse’s Update commentary to make room for it.
STARS: ***½

GOODNIGHTS

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IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— Pretty much a blah episode. Completely forgettable, and below par for this season’s standards. However, Antonio Banderas, while not always hilarious, was a charming, fun, and enthusiastic host. He gave this blah episode a better feel than it otherwise would have had with a lesser host.

MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS

HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Matt Dillon)
a big step down

My full set of screencaps for this episode is here

TOMORROW
Lindsay Lohan