April 15, 2006 – Lindsay Lohan / Pearl Jam (S31 E16)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

THE SITUATION ROOM
staff turnover yields presidential spokesteen (host)

— I’m surprised to find myself loving that opening theme music of The Situation Room. Catchy and epic.
— This season, SNL seems to be attempting lots of replacements for the phased-out Hardball sketches. In just one season, we’ve gotten non-Hardball political talking head show sketches like Anderson Cooper 360, The O’Reilly Factor, and now The Situation Room, none of which end up enjoying anywhere near the long-term success that the Hardball sketches enjoyed in their prime.
— Nice to see big roles for newbies Jason and Kristen right at top of tonight’s episode.
— Kristen’s delivery of many of her lines is making me laugh. She’s always reliable at getting laughs out of low-key roles like this.
— Meh, not caring for the comedic conceit of Lindsay Lohan’s character during her press conference. After the first minute of this scene, after you’ve gotten the joke, Lindsay’s lines have stopped getting much laughs.
— Yikes, Lindsay’s voice is so unsettlingly scratchy and raspy tonight that it almost completely gave out when she said “Night” at the end of her “Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!” I remember on an online SNL message board, during a discussion of this episode right after it originally aired, a board member comically addressed Lindsay’s scratchy, raspy voice by saying “Hmm, I didn’t know Harvey Fierstein was appearing on SNL tonight.”
STARS: **½

MONOLOGUE
host lectures drunk Easter Bunny (KET) about his excessive partying

— Didn’t care for Lindsay’s self-deprecating opening joke, “I think I hosted SNL more times than I’ve wrecked my car.”
— A bit of an odd use of Kenan at this point of his SNL tenure.
— Not caring for the writing of this, and Kenan’s performance is actually fairly irritating and unfunny.
— Blah, Lindsay’s second attempt at self-deprecating humor in this monologue, with her sternly giving the Easter Bunny an intervention (which Lindsay herself was reportedly given backstage at SNL immediately after hosting the preceding season’s finale), is falling flat.
STARS: *½

NEUTROGENA COIN SLOT CREAM
low-cut pants call for Neutrogena Coin Slot Cream buttcrack moisturizer

— Is there any real joke to this, besides the idea of a moisturizer cream for buttcracks, which isn’t exactly something funny enough to base an entire commercial spoof on? Feels kinda like a leftover premise from the awful season 30.
— I will at least give this credit for accurately imitating the visual style of typical Neutrogena commercials, which is the closest to a positive thing I can say about this.
— Overall, blah.
STARS: *

DEEP HOUSE DISH
boring Tiara Zee (RAD) grooves to divas (AMP) & (host)

— (*sigh*) Tonight’s episode had ALREADY not been doing it for me, and now SNL throws THIS recurring sketch at me? You readers probably already know what my reaction to seeing this sketch pop up tonight is. Actually, in my reviews in this SNL project, I haven’t been hating these Deep House Dish sketches as much as I did when they originally aired; I’ve just been extremely meh on these sketches in my reviews, which, while still negative, is at least somewhat of a step up from my seething hatred for these sketches when they originally aired.
— (*sighs again*) Cue the one part of this sketch that I still do hate: the constant, repetitive, and unfunny “Ooh-wee, Tiara, that was so boring”s.
— Hmm, kinda interesting how Fred and Bill are reprising their Jake Gyllenhaal-obsessed singing duo from an earlier Deep House Dish sketch.
— Why weren’t Fred and Bill interviewed after their song, like singers in these sketches usually are?
— I think I spoke too soon about not hating these Deep House Dish sketches anymore, because I have not gotten a single shred of enjoyment from ANYTHING in tonight’s Deep House Dish installment. Either my fatigue towards these sketches has finally set in, or perhaps tonight’s DHD installment just seems worse to me because this episode in general has been putting me in a very bored mood so far.
STARS: *

TV FUNHOUSE
by RBS- kids’ Journey To The Disney Vault reveals unsettling Walt secrets

— During the listing-off of fictional direct-to-DVD Disney sequels, I love how one of them is Bambi 2002, a previous TV Funhouse from season 27.
— A laugh from the quick “101 Fellations” gag, which seems like a variation of the “Pokahotass” gag from the aforementioned TV Funhouse, Bambi 2002. Also, a few days before tonight’s episode originally aired, this 101 Fellations bit was heavily hyped in an online article as something big that would be airing on SNL that weekend and would be including a famous porn star (who’s name I can’t remember at the moment) as one of the “dalmatian” women. One portion of that article interviewed the porn star about the 101 Fellations bit, and the way she described it made it seem like it was going to be an entire full-fledged segment. She went into a whole bunch of detail about the plot and all the various characterizations, as if it was going to be some huge, fleshed-out, standalone segment. Cut to a few nights later when this episode is airing live, and I’m sitting in my living room watching the show like normal, and I find myself utterly baffled to see that 101 Fellations was nothing more than a brief two-second cutaway gag, with no so-called plot or characterizations to speak of. WTF??? Did Robert Smigel originally film 101 Fellations as an entire fleshed-out segment, but ended up editing it down to just a two-second gag, or was the aforementioned porn star just full of shit in that interview?
— I love the voice for the little girl.
— The extremely un-PC “very original version” of Song Of The South is so wrong, but absolutely HILARIOUS.
— A huge laugh from the kids incredulously asking Mickey Mouse “You’re supposed to be FUNNY?!?”
— Great bit with one of the kids finding a still-alive Jim Henson and a Kermit puppet bound and gagged to a chair, which results in Mickey Mouse breaking down in tears while yelling “He wouldn’t sell! He wouldn’t seeeeeeelllllllll!”
— Overall, not only a very strong TV Funhouse, but leave it to Smigel to deliver the first actual good segment in this episode so far.
STARS: ****½

THE O’REILLY FACTOR
Seymour Hersh (FRA) & Newt Gingrich (WLF)

— Shortly after I mentioned SNL’s various failed attempts to replace Hardball as their regular political talking heads show sketch, here’s another one of them tonight. Do we really need this AND The Situation Room in the same episode?
— Feels kinda odd seeing Will play Newt Gingrich.
— I’m starting to get tired of these O’Reilly Factor sketches, as well as Darrell’s non-attempt at sounding like Bill O’Reilly. I know his impression eventually gets better, but it has yet to happen by this point.
— I did get a chuckle from the bit right now with Darrell’s O’Reilly, during a back-and-forth disagreement with Will’s Gingrich, childishly saying an increasingly loud “Yes they are, yes they are, yes they are, YES THEY AAARRRRE!”, and then, after a beat, finishing it off with a soft-spoken and modestly-delivered “Yes they are” while lightly emphasizing his point with his hand.
— I like Will-as-Gingrich’s “last word” being him telling O’Reilly “You gotta read some books, man.”
— The “A-1 dickface” bit in one letter in the mailbag is pretty funny.
STARS: **½

CHOCOLATE CAKE
rich chocolate dessert stirs diners’ (host), (JAS), (RAD), (FRA) emotions

— Much like the Wind sketch from this season’s Jack Black episode, this is another sketch that I recall a few online SNL fans back at this time making comparisons to the dreaded Hot Plates sketch from the preceding season. I recall strongly disagreeing with those comparisons, but we’ll see.
— Jason’s insane reactions to the great taste of the cake are hilarious.
— A lot of increasingly fun maniacal reactions from each person at the table. Jason is definitely running away with this sketch with his reactions, though. He’s phenomenal here.
— I love how one of Fred’s reactions has him tightly tying a belt around his neck.
— A particularly strong and perfectly-timed moment from Jason, where, after Lindsay spins a dummy of him around and then throws it onto the ground behind the table, he IMMEDIATELY hops up high in the air from behind the table and casually dusts himself off, which was SO damn impressive that even the audience applauded.
— Overall, a fun, silly, and well-performed sketch that I pretty much loved. And, unlike the aforementioned Wind sketch with Jack Black, I can actually now kinda see why people compared this to Hot Plates, but this was miles better. This sketch was pretty much what Hot Plates should’ve been.
— I’m not 100% sure, but I think this sketch would later be replaced with the dress rehearsal version in reruns, though off the top of my head, I can’t remember if there were any major differences between it and the live version.
— Speaking of reruns, I recall once catching this sketch a few years ago in a syndicated 60-minute rerun on a cable channel (can’t remember which channel), and this sketch was sped-up so badly in that version that it was pretty much impossible to follow what was going on. Does anyone else remember seeing this sped-up version?
STARS: ****

LASER CATS!
ANS & BIH pitch low-budget feline sci-fi movie to LOM

— Good to see Andy and Bill front and center here, after the extremely-little-to-no-airtime they received in the preceding episode.
— Our very first Laser Cats short, which would go on to be a once-a-year tradition during Andy’s entire SNL tenure.
— Very fun how the extremely cheesy, low-budget action that started in an outdoors park is now taking place in SNL’s backstage, and how there’s no attempt to hide the NBC and SNL-related visuals in the background.
— Funny cutaway to a very deadpan Lorne watching this inane Laser Cats short on the TV.
— When Lindsay refuses to say she’ll have sex with either Andy or Bill, I love the sudden and sloppy splicing-in of a shot of Rachel sitting in Lindsay’s place while wearing a Lindsay Lohan wig and saying “I’ll have sex with both of you guys.”
— The “Get out” ending with Lorne was funny, though it’s something that would be repeated at the end of EVERY SINGLE subsequent Laser Cats short, and doesn’t work for me as a repeated ending gag.
— Overall, lots of good dumb fun all throughout this short. Solid debut for these Laser Cats shorts.
STARS: ****

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “World Wide Suicide”

WEEKEND UPDATE
meteorologist Stormy Windbreaker (SEM) forecasts apocalyptic weather

American Idol contestant Taylor Hicks (JAS) is full of enthusiasm

— After how increasingly hoarse her voice sounded over the course of the preceding episode, Amy’s voice still sounds slightly on the hoarse side tonight, but definitely nowhere near as bad. I’m also glad SNL hasn’t been overworking her tonight like they did in the preceding episode.
— Seth’s meteorologist segment is a good change of pace for Update. By the way, I think this ends up being Seth’s final appearance on Update before he takes over as Amy’s new Update co-anchor the following season.
— Seth is very solid in this commentary, and he has a lot of funny weather forecast details. And the smart and inspired feel of this commentary is very unusual and refreshing for this dire Fey/Poehler Update era.
— A great ending yell from Seth of the line “REPENT, BITCHES, REPENT!”
— I absolutely love Jason’s portrayal of American Idol’s Taylor Hicks. Yet another example tonight of how solid, hilarious, and fun Jason is as a performer, and how refreshing and desperately needed his presence is on SNL after the awful season 30.
— Very funny comments from Jason’s Hicks regarding his pubic hair.
— A lot of Amy’s jokes tonight are getting a (deservedly) fairly tepid audience reaction.
— Tina closes this Update with by far one of her best jokes in a long time (the teen pregnancy/“Your Mouth Can’t Get Pregnant” joke). That was a joke and delivery worthy of Tina’s first two years at the Update desk, back when she was actually consistently solid as an anchor.
STARS: **½

DEBBIE DOWNER
Debbie Downer deflates (host)’s Las Vegas strip club bachelorette party

— Normally, I’d groan at this sketch popping up tonight, but the last two Debbie Downer installments before this were much better than usual and shook up the formula. Plus, this thankfully ends up being the last Debbie Downer appearance before Rachel leaves the cast. (Years later, Debbie Downer would make a brief walk-on in the cold opening of SNL’s 40th Anniversary Special, and, though I haven’t seen it yet, I’m aware that Debbie Downer has a surprise full-fledged sketch in SNL’s most recent normal, live episode in 2020 before the coronavirus pandemic forced SNL to do taped “At Home” episodes.)
— I recall in an interview Lindsay did earlier in the week of this episode, the interviewer brought up at one point the famous first Debbie Downer sketch from Lindsay’s season 29 episode, and the interviewer asked Lindsay if we can expect to see a new Debbie Downer sketch this weekend. In response, Lindsay claimed that, after initially considering doing the sketch this weekend, she and the people at SNL decided against it. So why is this sketch on my screen right now? People being full of shit during interviews regarding what was or wasn’t going to appear in this episode seems to be a theme, given the whole “101 Fellations” oddity I talked about earlier in this review.
— Lindsay’s excited yell of “ILOVEITILOVEITILOVEIT!” was eerily Helen Madden-esque (Molly Shannon’s character from the Pretty Living sketches), so much so, that I almost wonder if it was an intentional reference, but I highly doubt it.
— Lindsay’s scratchy, raspy voice tonight is sounding particularly rough during certain parts of this sketch.
— Blah, this sketch is pretty awful so far. After we’ve gotten such a nice change of pace in the last two Debbie Downer sketches before this, it’s unfortunate to see them going back to the usual unfunny and tired formula that these sketches normally follow.
— The perpetually-underused Finesse Mitchell makes his ONLY appearance of the entire night in the non-speaking role of a scantily-clad stripper. Just sad. If he’s not fully aware by this point that his days at SNL are beyond numbered, then there’s no hope for this man.
— A noticeable gaffe right now, where the beginning of the “wah-wahhhhhh” sound effect accidentally plays at the wrong time before getting cut off. I’ve seen some people theorize that SNL planned this gaffe, in an attempt to recapture the magic of the first Lindsay Lohan-involved Debbie Downer sketch by starting a major chain reaction of laughing among the performers in this sketch. Rachel responds to this sound effect gaffe by giving an impromptu comical look into the camera while shifting her eyes around, and Lindsay then goes into her scripted angry rant at Debbie Downer while stifling some genuine laughter, but otherwise, this sound effect gaffe doesn’t set off the huge laughing meltdown among the performers that SNL seemingly intended.
— Odd how this didn’t end with the usual pre-taped headshot of Debbie Downer saying a typical depressing one-liner during the ending theme song. The lack of that possibly shows how little effort was put into tonight’s Debbie Downer installment. Rachel was forced to just mug awkwardly into the camera for a long time while the ending theme music played during a live close-up of her.
— Overall, a poor way for the Debbie Downer character to go out. I can’t say I’ll miss her.
STARS: *½

FIRST NIGHT OUT
uptight co-workers Neil (WLF), Jean (KRW), (host) awkwardly get social

— The debut of a sporadically-appearing Forte/Wiig/(whoever’s hosting that week) recurring sketch that I recall loving back when it originally aired.
— Fantastic character voice from Will. Lots of funny subtle mannerisms in Kristen’s voice as well. And even though it initially feels weird seeing 19-year-old Lindsay Lohan playing such an older, mature role like this, her real-life unsettling scratchy, raspy voice tonight actually makes her convincing as the forty-something woman she’s playing here.
— Something about these low-key, subtle, mature characters of Will, Kristen, and Lindsay’s feels refreshing for this SNL era.
— Another pairing tonight of Andy and Bill. Again, I really like that, even though this is just an extremely minor, non-speaking role for them.
— I love Lindsay’s delivery of “Sometimes you gotta say ‘What the mess!’” This sketch contains what I feel is easily the best performance Lindsay has given all night (and maybe her best performance out of all of her hosting stints).
— Poor Chris gets stuck in a very small non-speaking walk-on as a bartender, and he’s only shown from the back. Really, SNL? While it makes sense for you to put Andy and Bill in a useless non-speaking role, given how new they are, how do you give a role like that to a freakin’ 8-year veteran, especially one as proven and reliable as Chris? Then again, speaking of 8-year veterans being very poorly utilized tonight, Horatio has been COMPLETELY shut out of this episode. Ha, certainly no complaints from me there. (And this is actually the SECOND time this season that Horatio has made no appearances in an episode, which further proves how out-of-date he is this season.) Maya’s nowhere to be seen tonight either, because, as I said in my last episode review, she asked Lorne to have these past two episodes off so she can spend more time at home with her new baby.
— Hilarious turn with Will’s introvert character now suddenly detailing the very raunchy night of lovemaking he has planned with his fellow two introverts, details that Will’s character is delivering in his usual soft-spoken, affable voice.
— Overall, this sketch was just as strong as I had remembered it.
STARS: ****

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Severed Hand”

MOVIE ARCHIVES
Ann-Margret (host) & Liberace (FRA) had no chemistry

— The debut of Fred’s Liberace impression. I smell a whole bunch of hacky gay jokes coming up.
— I do admit to at least getting a laugh from Fred’s facial expression in the initial cutaway to him as Liberace.
— Kristen’s cheesy 1960s dance is pretty funny.
— So far, the gay jokes in this sketch aren’t as awful or cringeworthy as I expected (maybe I was mistakenly thinking of those later Vincent Price sketches that Fred’s Liberace appears in), but they’re still doing nothing for me.
— While the bit at the end with Liberace vomiting just because a woman kissed him is extremely blah, I got an unintended(?) chuckle from Liberace’s male assistant (or whoever he’s supposed to be) in the background just staring at the vomiting Liberace while looking unfazed and emotionless, having no reaction at all to the vomiting he’s witnessing.
STARS: **

GOODNIGHTS

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IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A difficult episode to figure. We got a very rough and worrisome start with the first few segments, pretty much all of which I hated, but then starting with the very strong TV Funhouse cartoon, the remainder of the episode was EXTREMELY hit-and-miss. I’m not even sure whether I like the overall episode or not. Thinking back, I’m pretty sure this episode contained a little more bad than good. We did get a good number of strong highlights, though. Lindsay Lohan did not make much of a case for herself regarding SNL’s questionable decision to bring her back for her THIRD hosting stint in as many years, but I did find her work in the (underrated) First Night Out sketch to be surprisingly solid.

MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS

HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Antonio Banderas)
a slight step up

My full set of screencaps for this episode is here

TOMORROW
Legendary five-timer Tom Hanks makes his long-awaited return as a host after a 10-year absence