Month: June 2020

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April 9, 2005 – Cameron Diaz / Green Day (S30 E16)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

THE PAPAL DEBATE
Cardinals & Al Sharpton (KET) campaign to become Pontiff in papal debate

— Hmm. Considering this season’s terrible track record with political debate sketches, I can’t say I have high expectations for THIS, even if it’s just a papal debate and not an actual presidential one.
— Why in the world is Kenan doing a facepalm in the opening group shot of his Al Sharpton and all the cardinals together (the second above screencap for this cold opening)? Kenan’s facepalm doesn’t appear to be in character (his Al Sharpton has no shame in randomly being included in this papal debate), and I don’t think Kenan’s even aware that he’s onscreen during this part of the sketch. Is something bothering Kenan in real life that we don’t know about?
— Yeesh, a big gaffe almost right out of the damn gate in this cold opening when Darrell’s Tim Russert introduces Kenan’s Sharpton: instead of cutting to Kenan’s Sharpton, the camera oddly cuts to one of the grizzled old cardinals and displays his name on the bottom of the screen, then awkwardly and slowly pans over to Kenan’s Al Sharpton sitting next to him. Oops. What happened there? Did Darrell accidentally introduce Kenan’s Sharpton too early, forgetting to introduce the old cardinal who the camera cut to before awkwardly panning over to Kenan?
— A decent opening spiel from Kenan’s Sharpton.
— Blah. All the cutaways to grizzled old cardinals just sitting silently whenever they’re asked a debate question are way too overdone in this cold opening and are not funny.
— After Fred’s old cardinal character gives Darrell’s Russert the finger when asking him “Have you ever seen one of THESE?”, I strangely loved Seth’s (as Fred’s translator) very monotone, cornily-delivered “I’ll bet you have. Yeah, I’ll just bet you have.”
— (*groan*) And now they’re overdoing the hell out of both Fred giving people the finger and teen girls in the fake audience cheering wildly for Will’s young cardinal character. Ugh, this cold opening is DEATH.
— Okay, I admit to getting a laugh just now from Fred holding up his index, middle, and ring fingers together and asking Darrell’s Russert to “read between the lines”.
— Given the fact that he has no lines and has nothing to do here, why is Parnell even in this? It makes no sense, given the fact that the other old cardinals who, like his character, are just silently sitting there the entire time in a grizzled, unresponsive manner, are all played by extras or, in one case, a crew member (SNL’s lighting designer Phil Hymes).
— Jesus Christ, end this cold opening already! This is going on too long for something with such a small cycle of tedious gags.
STARS: *½


MONOLOGUE
host claims that, like female cast members, she was a dork in high school

— Rachel randomly sneaking into the background and laughing awkwardly at Cameron Diaz’s lines is fairly funny.
— Ugh, Maya’s 227 joke was hacky as fuck.
— Only some of the obviously-fake high school photos are making me laugh. I got the biggest laugh from Amy’s particularly horrifying photo.
— Aside from the unibrow and light mustache, Tina’s fake high school photo (the third-to-last above screencap for this monologue) actually resembles a real-life driver’s license photo of hers that I remember her once showing on a talk show (my memory of that photo may be faulty, though, as I haven’t seen it in years).
— Something bugged me about Amy’s overly-cutesy delivery of “Oh my god, do not let Justin see that!” (referring to Cameron’s then-boyfriend Justin Timberlake, which may have been intentional foreshadowing of a certain cameo we’re getting later tonight). Same reason her cutesy delivery on Weekend Update this season always bugs me. I still can’t believe this is the same Amy Poehler from the brilliant Upright Citizens Brigade sketch comedy show on Comedy Central. That daring show would look down on the cutesiness and audience-pandering that Amy’s been doubling down on during this season of SNL.
STARS: **½


EXTREME MAKEOVER: HOME EDITION
wife’s (host) illness is a boon for (CHP)

— An interesting time capsule of how annoyingly prevalent the constantly-shirtless and constantly-yelling-through-a-bullhorn Ty Pennington from Extreme Makeover: Home Edition was back in this era. Seth’s portrayal of him here is pretty funny.
— Some good laughs from Chris always downplaying how terminally ill Cameron is, and refusing to tell her what exactly her ailment is.
— Chris’ performance is fun in this sketch. A dad role that Chris actually gets to cut loose in, for once. For some reason, I can imagine Beck Bennett playing this role if this sketch had been performed in more modern times instead of in 2005.
— Some good dark humor from all the vague hints of Cameron’s illness, and Cameron’s increasingly rattled reactions to that.
— Very weak ending with all the listing-offs of Extreme Makeover spin-offs and YET ANOTHER tired display of crying from the guy who Fred is playing.
STARS: ***½


TV FUNHOUSE
by RBS- glasses make Michael Jackson see Webster while dating Tara Reid

— Believe it or not, this is the first TV Funhouse since way back in December of this season. That’s a FOUR MONTH GAP. This has got to be the longest gap between TV Funhouse cartoons on SNL up to this point in SNL’s timeline.
— Our final installment of TV Funhouse’s Hanna-Barbera-esque Michael Jackson series of cartoons. Interesting how these MJ cartoons have only had three installments total, yet they spanned over NINE years, from 1996-2005.
— Funny gag with a little boy being placed on a windowsill like a hot pie, and Michael Jackson then floating in the air towards the boy when he gets a whiff.
— For some reason, the voice for Michael Jackson’s long-white-haired lawyer reminds me of Lorne.
— Not caring for the gag with MJ vomiting for an extended amount of time after hearing he has to date an adult female.
— Great bit about special glasses that make celebrities’ significant other look like what they find most attractive.
— MJ’s idea of Webster at his peak being 1983 B.P. (Before Pubes) was so wrong, but so funny. A lot of people nowadays are going to groan and cringe at all of these now-dated Michael Jackson pedophile jokes, but I’m not bothered when those jokes are actually done/delivered well in my view, such as in this TV Funhouse and in Norm Macdonald’s old Weekend Updates, and NOT in Tina’s Update jokes from this season.
— I love MJ repeatedly babbling “mama-say-mama-sa-mama-coosa” when he’s going through a nervous breakdown.
— I got a good laugh from the ending where, after Webster puts on what he thinks are the special glasses (the aforementioned ones that make people appear more attractive to you) and happily says the glasses make MJ now look like a hot chick, MJ’s lawyer tells the other characters “I don’t have the heart to tell him those are regular eyeglasses.”
STARS: ****


THE BARRY GIBB TALK SHOW
Robin Gibb (Justin Timberlake) & Ann Coulter (Drew Barrymore) on liberals

— Wow, what’s going on? Not only does this one-off Barry Gibb Talk Show sketch from the preceding season return out of freakin’ NOWHERE, but with it, we get cameos from Jimmy Fallon, Justin Timberlake, AND Drew Barrymore. All of these cameos seem very random at first (especially Drew), until you remember that, as I mentioned earlier, Justin and Cameron were an item at this time. Jimmy and Drew, on the other hand, are apparently just there because their movie, Fever Pitch is opening around this time. (Ha, remember the short-lived time when Jimmy was convinced that he could have a successful post-SNL career as a movie star? I highly doubt that he, in 2005, saw “late night talk show host” as his true post-SNL calling. Hell, I doubt ANYONE in 2005 saw that as Jimmy’s true post-SNL calling, though I do recall him previously getting some critical acclaim for his guest-hosting of Letterman back in 2003.)
— Feels odd in retrospect to see Horatio playing Governor Bill Richardson this early. Horatio would later make a cameo appearance on SNL as Richardson during the 2007 presidential primaries, when Richardson was in the race. At that time, I had assumed that was the first time Horatio ever played Richardson, and I figured the only reason he cameoed that night to play Richardson was because of the strong resemblance he and Richardson have to each other. I guess I had forgotten about this Barry Gibb Talk Show sketch, though in my defense, I hadn’t yet known who Richardson was back in 2005.
— As much as I loved the first installment of this sketch, this does not work for me as a recurring sketch. This sketch is DEFINITELY near the top of my “Should’ve stayed a one-off” list.
— Not sure Drew Barrymore’s take on Ann Coulter is working for me. Even though Coulter is certainly always ripe for mockery, Drew’s impression of her is too goofy and cartoonish for my likes, as if Drew is acting on a kids show on Nickelodeon or something.
— There goes Justin Timberlake’s obligatory breaking during one of Jimmy-as-Barry-Gibb’s high-pitched rants.
— Jimmy is at least still giving this performance his all, like in the first installment of this sketch.
— All throughout this sketch, you can hear tons of wild teen girl screams for Jimmy and Justin (which is ironically the exact kind of thing SNL was mocking in the Papal Debate cold opening earlier tonight whenever Will’s young cardinal character was shown). All of the teen girl screams throughout this Barry Gibb sketch are giving me bad flashbacks to the infamous Josh Hartnett episode from season 27.
STARS: **


HOTEL
new manager (CHP) wants to improve the rating of a seedy one-star hotel

— Cameron is overacting here, and it’s kinda grating.
— Ugh at Fred’s predictable line about him also being a prostitute.
— Cameron has been flubbing quite a lot of lines throughout tonight’s episode.
— Didn’t care for the turn at the end with Darrell’s wealthy character.
— The meta Don Pardo-announced “Accommodations for guests of Saturday Night Live are provided by…” ending seems to be an intentional throwback to the days when SNL would regularly show a Don Pardo-announced “Accommodations for most guests of Saturday Night Live are provided by…” promo towards the end of every episode. (They stopped doing those promos somewhere around the mid-90s, I think.)
— Overall, did not care at all for this sketch as a whole. Almost no laughs from me.
STARS: *½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Boulevard Of Broken Dreams”


WEEKEND UPDATE
newlyweds Prince Charles (SEM) & Camilla Parker Bowles (FRA) try to kiss

TIF’s ex JIF exercises visitation rights in Dramatic Weekend Update Play

— Amy’s corny-ass Al Gore joke was groanworthy.
— OH FUCKING NO. The return of Seth and Fred’s Prince Charles and Camilla Parker-Bowles, which you might recall I absolute despised the last time they appeared on Update. Oh, and as an added “bonus”, we get Rob Riggle being wasted in yet another poor non-speaking role.
— Hmm, Rob turns out to have some lines after all.
— For once, this SNL era actually shows restraint from doing YET ANOTHER man-on-man kiss for a cheap, unnecessary laugh, by comically faking us out when it seemed like Seth and Fred were indeed going to kiss each other here. I somewhat give credit to SNL for this restraint, but I still didn’t care AT ALL for tonight’s overall Charles/Camilla commentary.
— Hey, a Fey/Poehler-era Update joke that actually really works for me, with their meta sphincter-bleaching/Happy Birthday bit to Rachel Dratch. I loved that.
— Oof. Of course, right after Tina and Amy’s actually-funny meta joke about Rachel, Amy IMMEDIATELY follows it up with a particularly awful joke. Ugh.
— Man, tonight’s terrible Update jokes are destroying me.
— Hmm, we’re getting an “A Dramatic Weekend Update Play” segment.
— This is only the second-ever instance of the Update tradition of a tree frog joke always getting interrupted by something.
— A very fun mock-dramatic play with Jimmy tensely returning to the Update set as if he’s Tina’s ex-husband making a visit.
— I love the reveal that Jimmy and Tina have a son together. Also, great detail with the son having Jimmy’s trademark messy hair and Tina’s trademark glasses.
— A huge laugh from the son angrily telling Jimmy “I hate Taxi!”
— Now we get a very funny reveal of the son’s name being Lorne. Am I correct in remembering that the series of shorts SNL would later do with Kyle Mooney and Leslie Jones in a relationship with each other would ALSO have their son named Lorne, or am I remembering wrong?
— This overall “A Dramatic Weekend Update Play” segment was EASILY one of the better things to come out of this dreary season of Update, and bumps my rating for tonight’s otherwise-awful Update up a full star.
STARS: **½


WOO! THE MUSICAL
Woo! The Musical features scenes of collegians’ spring break experiences

— Blah, I do not care for this premise.
— Bad timing with the blurring on Cameron when she flashes her chest, as the blurring first shows up too late, mistakenly letting us see that Cameron’s wearing a flesh-colored bra, then the blurring oddly stays onscreen after Cameron runs out of the scene (which I get the feeling she wasn’t supposed to do, thus explaining why the blurring stayed onscreen). This is actually the second time tonight where SNL was late on their cue to blur something out, as the first of many instances of Fred giving someone the finger in the Papal Debate cold opening was blurred out too late, accidentally revealing that Fred is actually just holding up his index finger. These blur gaffes are yet another example of how so many things about this season of SNL feel so sloppy and are such a mess.
— Will and Fred’s scene is YET ANOTHER display of season 30 homoerotic humor for cheap, unnecessary laughs. Way to waste my two favorite cast members of this season, SNL. At least this ended up being tonight’s SECOND instance of SNL faking us out of a man-on-man kiss, with Will and Fred leaning in for a kiss, then refraining. Weird how both man-on-man kiss fake-outs tonight involved Fred.
— And there goes season 30’s obligatory weekly instance of Maya singing.
— The running bit throughout this sketch with the newspaper critic “reviews” never actually critiquing the play was pretty funny at first, but got old after a while.
STARS: *½


SOFA WAREHOUSE
deliverymen (KET) & (FIM) try to dissuade (host) from buying a sofa bed

— Not sure if this is intentional, but this sketch kinda feels to me like a follow-up of sorts to the Martin Luther King Day sketch from this season’s Topher Grace episode, as both sketches have Kenan and Finesse paired together as co-workers who refuse to do their job. I wonder if SNL indeed intended these to be the same characters.
— Like the aforementioned MLK Day sketch, Kenan and Finesse make a fun duo here, and there are some laughs from all the ways they try to convince Cameron why she shouldn’t buy the sofa bed.
— Cameron flubs YET ANOTHER line tonight.
— Ugh, Cameron’s delivery of her angry rant is terrible, as she is, once again tonight, overacting badly. Between this and her fairly constant line flubs, she’s almost single-handedly hurting this otherwise funny sketch for me.
STARS: ***


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Holiday”


SPY GLASS
Desperate Housewives correspondent (host) joins in the pun

— Never realized before how catchy this recurring sketch’s opening theme music is. I picked too late to start getting into that theme music, though, as this ends up being the final Spy Glass sketch.
— Even for this sketch’s standards, Amy seems to be making her already-established character a little TOO cutesy in tonight’s installment, with the way she followed her Nick Lachey/Jessica Simpson news item by making cartoonish “OOOOooooOOOH!” sounds into the camera, which she never did in previous installments of this sketch, while mugging the camera more than usual. That just further proves a point I made earlier in this episode review when I complained about how Amy’s been doubling down on the annoying cutesiness and audience-pandering this season.
— As always, some really solid bad puns delivered expertly by Seth.
— Yeah, Amy is continuing to make those overly-cutesy, cartoonish “OOOOooooOOOH!”-type sounds all throughout tonight’s Spy Glass installment. I’m not caring for that new addition to this recurring sketch, even if it does fit the tone of Amy’s character.
— Wow, the audience is absolutely DEAD during Cameron’s entire scene.
— Horatio’s British Gene Shalit usually works for me in these Spy Glass sketches, but even for Shalit standards, Horatio’s going a little TOO over-the-top in tonight’s installment for my likes.
— Glad to see that my recollection of special guest Jimmy Fallon reprising his British Pat O’Brien role in tonight’s Spy Glass sketch was incorrect. Given the fact that the Pat O’Brien phone sex scandal was happening around this time (which is actually mentioned very briefly in passing during this sketch), I’m kinda surprised (though pleasantly so) they refrained from doing anything with Jimmy’s British Pat O’Brien in this sketch.
— Overall, despite a few things I liked, this Spy Glass installment as a whole felt kinda off, and was a disappointing way for this usually-good recurring sketch to go out.
STARS: **½


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— (*sigh*) Yet another weak season 30 episode. There were a few good things, but, like the preceding episode, barely any of the good things stood out as particularly strong, and there were way too many lowlights scattered all throughout the show. Cameron Diaz was also disappointing in this hosting stint of hers. She had always been known to have a lot of energy and enthusiasm in her previous hosting stints, which is usually at least charming, but her energy and enthusiasm tonight crossed over into bad overacting territory, which annoyed me, as did her constant line-flubbing. You’d hardly guess she was a three-time hosting veteran by this point.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Ashton Kutcher)
about the same


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Tom Brady

Posted on

March 19, 2005 – Ashton Kutcher / Gwen Stefani (S30 E15)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

HARDBALL WITH CHRIS MATTHEWS
Jose Canseco (HOS) & Mark McGwire (ROR) on steroids in baseball

— Funny look on Rob as Mark McGwire.
— Some good laughs from Rob’s McGwire trying to work around answering Darrell-as-Chris-Matthews’ steroid questions by always claiming Matthews asked his questions in the past, and thus, he doesn’t have to answer it.
— I like Kenan’s Sammy Sosa suddenly dropping his fake accent when he thinks he’s off-camera.
— The bits with Horatio’s Jose Canseco are falling incresingly flat.
— Will’s Zell Miller!
— As always, reliably priceless insane shouting from Will’s Miller here, though his dialogue kinda fizzled out towards the end, and he didn’t seem to get anywhere near as purple-faced during his yelling this time (the last above screencap for this cold opening).
STARS: ***


MONOLOGUE
host & old-woman girlfriend Demi Moore [real] pooh-pooh age differential

— A monologue that I recall being memorable and very popular back when this originally aired.
— The huge exaggeration of the age difference between Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore is a premise that I like, and it’s being executed well. I particularly like the way Demi is playing this.
STARS: ***½


ME-HARMONY.COM
Rerun from 2/12/05


OPRAH
John Travolta (DAH) & Julia Roberts (host) bump victim (RAD)

— Amy’s dramatics from the audience are pretty funny so far.
— This appears to be using the same premise as that awful Wake Up San Diego sketch from earlier this season, in which the guest of a talk show is someone who’s house recently burned down (Kenan) and they’re about to be given a gift from the show’s host, which the guest expects to be a new house, only for it to end up being some superficial gift that the guest is disappointed by.
— OH, NO. Not the return of Darrell’s terrible and baffling John Travolta impression.
— Ashton in drag as Julia Roberts? Blah. I do remember someone back at this time in 2005 pointing out how when Ashton entered this sketch as Julia Roberts, he looked eerily like then-recent SNL host Hilary Swank. I can see that.
— Boy, am I not caring for this sketch AT ALL. Not even the reliable Rachel Dratch can save this.
— The over-the-top reactions from Amy in the audience are now starting to come off as a very inferior version of the famous Oprah’s Favorite Things sketch from the preceding season’s Megan Mullally episode.
STARS: *


PUSH-UP CONTEST
(host)’s scheme to instigate an office push-up contest backfires on him

— Hoo, boy. I recall this being a sketch that I hated back when it originally aired, but quite a number of other online SNL fans seemed to really like this sketch. Let’s see how I feel about it now, 15 years later.
— Ugh, I’m already starting to see one of the reasons why I hated this sketch back when it originally aired: Ashton’s delivery throughout this sketch is FUCKING ANNOYING.
— Did they screw up the timing of the clock cutaway when Rachel was about to start her push-ups? They seemed to cut to the clock too early, then briefly cut back to Rachel, who actually hadn’t yet started her push-ups, only to then cut back to the same shot of the clock.
— Yeah, I’m not caring for the structure of this sketch at all, nor the execution of it. This feels boringly repetitive to me, and you get the point of it early on.
— Okay, I did get a laugh from how Ashton’s desperate claim about how they need to get back to work is immediately followed by Chris saying “Don’t worry about it. I’m your supervisor, we’ve got time.”
— The paddleball ending fell flat.
— Overall, it turns out my opinion of this sketch hasn’t changed at all, and I continue to be baffled over why this sketch was so well-liked by SNL fans back in the day (is it still well-liked today?).
STARS: *½


FEDERLINE
Kevin Federline (host) models his line of underwear in bed

— A pretty funny portrayal of that tool Kevin Federline.
— Well-shot commercial.
STARS: ***½


GAYS IN SPACE
crashed ship leads to encounter with studly (SEM) & (ROR)

— OHHH, GOD.
— (*groan*) And there goes season 30’s obligatory weekly instance of Maya singing.
— Overall, nothing to really say about what I just watched. Same deal as the previous time this sketch appeared, where I didn’t get so much as a mere chuckle at this marathon of unfunny gay stereotypes.
STARS: *


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest & Eve [real] perform “Rich Girl”


WEEKEND UPDATE
consumer advocate Henry Payne (KET) settles a complaint with violence

CHP’s ostensible Demi Moore rap veers into his attraction to host

— Ugh, after thankfully moving away from their newfound Daily Show-esque habit of replying to a news clip, the Fey/Poehler era of Update unfortunately reprises it tonight, with an unfunny bit involving Tina and Amy responding to various clips of Robert Blake’s post-acquittal speech. Hell, the actual Robert Blake clips are funnier than any of Tina or Amy’s lame responses to them.
— Hmm, Kenan’s commentary seems like it will be an interesting change of pace for Update, as it had an out-of-the-ordinary set-up.
— Interesting use of Ashton here.
— Meh, Kenan’s segment ended up being nothing great. This seemed like it was going to be much better.
— Yeesh, a lot of particularly weak jokes from Tina and Amy tonight, even weaker than usual. Even the audience’s reactions to some of these jokes are tepid.
— Looks like we’re in for another Chris Parnell Update rap. Not sure whether to look forward to this, after how underwhelming Chris’ last Update rap was, from the Jennifer Garner episode in season 28.
— Very mixed feelings on this rap that Chris is doing right now. Part of me appreciates the change of pace with Chris actually rapping about a man this time, and how over the top he’s going with it in his lyrics, but another part of me just finds this to be YET ANOTHER example of season 30 focusing way too heavily on hacky gay/homoerotic humor for cheap laughs. And do we need A BAZILLION reminders throughout this song that Chris is a heterosexual man (though I know that’s the point)? Oh, and I still say Chris’ best raps are his faster-tempo, more hardcore ones, rather than the slower-tempo, more R&B ones like tonight’s and the Jennifer Garner one.
— Yeah, the more and more Chris’ Ashton Kutcher rap goes on, the more and more I feel this is DEFINITELY not working for me.
— And to make me dislike Chris’ rap even more, we now get the added “humor” of Tina and Amy acting as backup singers/dancers during Chris’ rap.
STARS: *½


CHURCH
at a black church, staid white guest preacher (host) gets into the spirit

— Ugh. There goes Maya using that always-annoying “phlegmy-throated old black lady” voice. I’m telling you guys, Maya has been increasingly getting on my nerves these past few episodes.
— I really like Finesse’s performance here.
— A good use of Ashton’s typical energy, which is coming off enjoyable and welcome in this particular sketch.
— The gag with Ashton jumping out the window was ruined by a technical gaffe in which the camera stayed on the wrong shot by accident.
— After a good first half, this overall sketch started fizzling out a little towards the end, and something about the sketch left me feeling a little wanting.
STARS: **½


ACTION 13 NEWS
fight between anchor (host) & weatherman (SEM) derails local newscast

— I remember someone on an SNL message board back at this time in 2005 complaining that Ashton’s voice in this sketch was so obviously an imitation of Will Ferrell’s voice from the movie Anchorman, which came out the year prior. I kinda see some vocal similarities, but I’m not gonna say anything further.
— Oh, I like this premise with Seth as a bitter, unprofessional weatherman giving zero fucks and just saying whatever the hell he wants.
— Funny cutaway to a speechless Horatio with a sour facial expression immediately after a comment from Amy complaining to Seth about his unromantic choice in the past to take her on a date to Applebees.
— A great frightened little yelp from Seth when Ashton starts to come running for him.
— The portion of this sketch with Ashton chasing Seth around the studio during a newscast is a riot.
— A great sudden tackle of Seth from Ashton diving into the shot out of nowhere.
— An overall fun and solid sketch that’s probably forgotten by most SNL fans nowadays.
STARS: ****


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Hollaback Girl”


NEBULZITOL
(AMP) uses Nebulzitol to cure her husband (WLF) of March Madness

— As I mentioned in my review of the Delta Burke episode from season 16, the Balz-Off commercial from that episode would later be ripped-off in the Ashton Kutcher episode I’m currently reviewing. This Nebulzitol sketch is the rip-off in question. As I also implied in my afore-linked review of the Balz-Off commercial, there’s a certain writer who I have a feeling is the culprit of this possible plagiarism, given what I mentioned about there being multiple instances of this certain writer getting publicly accused of plagiarism for some other sketches he wrote. As you may have already guessed after my review of the Self-Involved Guy sketch from the Adrien Brody episode, the writer in question is James Anderson. However, given how I almost always seem to get proven wrong in the comments section whenever I assume James Anderson wrote a sketch, I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m wrong once again here.
— Yeah, the structure of this sketch is way too similar to Balz-Off to NOT be a direct rip-off. And some aspects of this sketch do have a rather James Anderson vibe to it (particularly the bit about The View).
— Overall, even if this sketch wasn’t a direct rip-off (but I still say it is), this sketch felt VERY inferior to the original Balz-Off. I wonder how I’d feel about this sketch if I had no knowledge of Balz-Off and assumed this was an original idea.
STARS: *½


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A typical bad season 30 episode. Aside from a few things (only one of which stands out as particularly great to me: the Action 13 News sketch), this overall episode had a very forgettable feel. And there were quite a number of things that I strongly disliked.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (David Spade)
a big step down


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Cameron Diaz

Posted on

March 12, 2005 – David Spade / Jack Johnson (S30 E14)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

STEWART RELEASE
Martha Stewart (DAS) addresses her employees after getting out of prison

— Right out of the gate, it’s good to see the underused Rob Riggle get a bit of a laugh from the audience just from his smug news anchor-type smile after signing on at the beginning of this.
— The banter between Rob and Amy is making me laugh.
— Ha, strangely fitting casting of David Spade as Martha Stewart. By the way, it’s good to see David on SNL again, especially during trying times like season 30.
— I love how David is playing Martha in a very David Spade way. It’s working here.
— David-as-Martha’s reaction to Maya sneaking up on her made me laugh a lot.
— This is surprisingly David’s first time ever delivering a solo “Live from New York…”. He previously said it (well, just the “night” part of the phrase) in unison with the rest of the cast and Steve Martin in the legendary Not Gonna Phone It In Tonight cold opening.
— Pretty good opening overall. Right out of the gate, I’m sensing a much better and more fun vibe in tonight’s episode than I got from the entire Hilary Swank suckfest of an episode that preceded this.
STARS: ***½


MONOLOGUE
DAS answers audience questions about his role in Capital One commercials

— David reveals that an SNL “Best Of” special for himself will be airing later in the year and he humorously says he’s only hosting tonight because SNL is two sketches short for his “Best Of”.
— 15 years after this episode, I now strangely no longer have any memory of David’s Capital One ads from this period.
— I can’t help but feel this monologue is a waste of David (why not just let him do stand-up?), but it’s still funny enough.
— The questions-from-the-audience monologue from both Topher Grace’s episode and tonight’s episode makes me realize how fun and likable a lot of this season’s writers come off when appearing onscreen, especially John Lutz, Liz Cackowski, J.B. Smoove, and, of course, Jason Sudeikis (the latter of whom actually isn’t in tonight’s monologue, unfortunately). How can a season with fun writers like this have such poor writing?
— SNL writer Matt Piedmont looks eerily like Dana Carvey here (the second-to-last above screencap for this monologue).
— Paula Pell’s bit was an odd way of setting up David saying the usual “We got a great show, (insert musical guest here) is here, stick around– etc.”, but it strangely kinda worked for me.
STARS: ***


ART DEALERS
(DAS) & (RAD) are weirded out by hospitality overtures of Nuni & Nuni

— Like last time, some fun visuals of the Nunis’ eccentric furniture and the like.
— Some of the repeated bits from the first Nuni sketch, such as the Nunis clarifying to their visitors how to differentiate the pronunciation of their respective name, are ALREADY starting to get a little old for me, but haven’t completely worn out their welcome for me yet. By the third installment of this sketch later this season, however, I’m sure I’ll have officially gotten tired of it.
— Chris is always funny as the shy butler in these sketches.
— I love Chris entering the room wearing multiple bras while asking “Who wants milk?”
— David’s a good straight man here, as no surprise.
STARS: ***


ABC
new TV dramas Deaf Judge (SEM) & Idiot Doctor (DAS) follow Blind Justice

— The Deaf Judge bit started out okay, but the second scene with him didn’t do much for me.
— I love David’s performance as “Idiot Doctor”, though his scene ended weakly.
STARS: **½


STUNT DOUBLE
stuntwoman (AMP) stands in for DAS on the set of a Vin Diesel (HOS) movie

— A funny eventual reveal that it’s Vin Diesel who Horatio is playing.
— I’ve always liked this sketch so much that I won’t let Horatio’s obligatory instance of cracking up at himself right now taint my review of this.
— Vin Diesel: “I do all my own stunts.” David: “(in a disinterested manner while walking away from Vin) Yeah, great. Who does your acting?”
— David: “Zippety-do-dah, mother-humpers!”
— A fun and very amusing sketch so far.
— I particularly love the ridiculous part with Amy gleefully and girlishly swinging on a wrecking ball while saying things like “Wheeee! I’m David Spaaaade!”
— Vin Diesel: “You know, on The Chronicles Of Riddick, I fought fire monsters.” David: “Yeah, I know, Vin. We all read about that in Who Cares Magazine.” This sketch has some great snarky one-liners that fit David’s style so well that you’d think he wrote this sketch himself.
— Solid ending.
STARS: ****½


WOOMBA
— Rerun from 12/18/04.
— Weird hearing Tina’s ending line about “the little pink robot that cleans your noonie” in the same episode that a Nuni sketch appeared in.


HOLDING CELL
overmatched (DAS) tries making (ROR) his bitch in a suburban holding cell

— Fun characterization from David here.
— A good way to get mileage out of the huge size difference between David and Rob.
— Despite the one-note homoerotic premise, which is YET ANOTHER example of this season’s bad hyperfocus on hacky gay humor, David’s performance is making this sketch work. Even his mere physical mannerisms each time he slowly walks over towards Rob is adding a lot to the humor.
— Wow, that ending was awful. How was Rob just saying “Well… thank god that’s over with” supposed to be a way to end a sketch? A possible explanation for the shoddiness of this ending is the fact that this was apparently a last-minute change to this sketch. Reruns of this episode would replace this sketch with the dress rehearsal version, which has a completely different ending. Unfortunately, I can’t remember that ending too well. I think it might have Kenan and Rachel’s security guard characters proceeding to put the moves on Rob’s character after David spent the whole sketch doing that exact same thing. Hmm, not sure that’s any better than the awful ending from the live version.
STARS: ***


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Sitting, Waiting, Wishing”


WEEKEND UPDATE
AMP recounts feud between 50 Cent & The Game in her Hip-Hop Breakdown

Jorge Rodriguez lists problems he encountered while preparing his taxes

— Oh my fucking god. After doing her weekly joke about Michael Jackson being a pedophile (she ain’t no Norm Macdonald when it comes to that type of joke, I’ll just say that), Tina actually CONGRATULATES herself on her “witty” punchline. Ugh. That’s the return of a terrible habit she previously had for a short while towards the end of season 28, and I was hoping she left it there.
— At least tonight’s audience didn’t keep interrupting Amy by laughing when she merely says “Fiddy Cent”, unlike the last time she did a joke where she says that name.
— Hmm, “Amy Poehler’s Hip-Hop Breakdown”? I can’t help but be VERY wary of this segment, but I’ll give it a shot and see how it goes.
— Aaaaaaaaaand, as no surprise to anyone who knows how I feel about the Fey/Poehler era of Update, it turns out that I hated the “Amy Poehler’s Hip-Hop Breakdown” segment. I at least tried to go into it with an open mind, but it just turned out to be a typical display of unfunny Fey/Poehler self-indulgence, and also felt like a variation of an unfunny Update segment Tina and Amy did earlier this season where they act out an incident with 50 Cent on a plane with a terrorist.
— OH, NO. Not the return of Horatio’s tepid Jorge Rodriguez character from the preceding season’s Lindsay Lohan episode. Geez, the return of this character is so half-assed that even the graphic of his name on the bottom of the screen accidentally misspelled his last name (screencap below).

— Feels kinda odd seeing Jorge Rodriguez not playing off of Jimmy Fallon like he did last time he appeared.
— Ugh, like last time, there goes Jorge Rodriguez’s endless listing off of an endless number of things. How the hell is this supposed to be funny?
— I hate myself for actually laughing at Horatio’s way of comically over-pronouncing the “p” in “receipts”.
— Amy’s exasperation during Jorge’s endless listing off of things mirrors my attitude during this commentary.
— And there goes the exact same turn in the last Jorge Rodriguez commentary, where he reveals “I’m looking for Pepe. Anyone seen him?”
— Feels weird in retrospect seeing a cyberbullying mention as early as 2005. I thought the term “cyberbullying” didn’t exist until around 2010. Maybe 2010 was just when cyberbullying incidents started becoming more widespread and more talked-about.
— When this episode originally aired, I remember being disappointed that we ended up getting no Hollywood Minute commentary from David. Am I remembering correctly that it was eventually revealed that a Hollywood Minute commentary actually got cut after this episode’s dress rehearsal?
STARS: **


SEAN PENN’S CELEBRITY ROAST
Sean Penn’s (SEM) humorlessness dooms his roast of Clint Eastwood (DAH)

— Oh, back when this season originally aired, I recall this being a particularly popular sketch among a lot of online SNL fans (myself included), who considered this one of the better sketches of this troubled season. Since this sketch is a parody of such a topical incident with Sean Penn at that year’s Oscars, I’m curious to see if this sketch will still hold up after all these years.
— The depressing punchline to the “A man so black….” joke that Seth’s Sean Penn tells about Bernie Mac is absolutely hilarious.
— I see what Kenan’s going for with his Bernie Mac impression, but ehhh, I’ve seen much better imitations of Mac’s voice. Kenan’s impression is passable enough for this sketch, though.
— Seth’s doing a solid imitation of Penn’s extremely dour, humorless demeanor from that year’s Oscars.
— Fred’s George Carlin impression is slaying me.
— I remember it being pointed out that the prosthetic nose David’s wearing as Owen Wilson has actually been designed to look like a realistic penis, complete with a penis head and a dorsal vein (screencap below, though you might have to enlarge even the full-sized version of it to see the details of the nose better).

— I absolutely howled at the cutaway to Seth’s Penn staring at the camera with an EXTREMELY un-amused, deadpan facial expression (the ninth above screencap for this sketch) after Darrell’s Clint Eastwood does a spit-take in reaction to a dirty joke from David’s Owen Wilson.
— I love Rob-as-Larry-The-Cable-Guy’s delivery of “For cryin’ out loud, you were Spicoli!”
— Seth-as-Sean-Penn’s sign-off towards viewers: “Goodnight… and how DARE you?”
— Overall, it turns out this sketch definitely still holds up for me, and I definitely still consider this one of the better sketches of this troubled season.
STARS: ****½


UPS GUY
UPS guy (DAS) is shot down after asking receptionist (RAD) out on a date

— I really like the structure to this sketch, as well as the slow build-up throughout this. There’s an old-school-SNL feel to this that I like. Doesn’t feel like a typical season 30 sketch at all (which actually can be said about a lot of tonight’s sketches).
— David getting increasingly unsettling in his flirtations with Rachel with each passing day is great.
— I like the subversion right now, with the “Saturday” scene unexpectedly turning out to just be a cleaning lady (Maya) vacuuming Rachel’s currently-unoccupied office, and how the “Sunday” scene features various cleaning ladies partying in Rachel’s still-unoccupied office.
— An SNL crew member’s voice keeps being heard during the scene transitions throughout this sketch (I heard her distinctly say “Stand by” at one point), especially right after the scene of Maya’s cleaning lady character vacuuming the office.
— I love Rachel aggravatedly revealing to David that her name is actually Mary, after he’s been calling her Erica all throughout this sketch.
— I get the feeling a lot of people don’t care for the ending with the building explosion being represented by a tiny model building, but I really liked it. Then again, I’m often a sucker for whenever SNL uses cheap-looking tiny model toys to represent something happening to a building or house (e.g. the Tales Of The Runaway Boulder sketch from season 15’s Robert Wagner episode).
STARS: ****½


JINGLE SINGERS
repertoire of married singers (DAS) & (MAR) comprises commercial jingles

— Oh, no. This looks to be a specific type of “Maya Rudolph Singing Sketch” that I recall SNL doing a lot around this point of the season, and I recall HATING back when they originally aired. (I remember saying to myself back in 2005 that Maya Rudolph Singing Sketches were to this troubled season what Chris Farley Yelling Sketches were to the troubled season 20.) They’re usually James Anderson-written sketches in which Maya plays a washed-up lounge singer-type of character, sometimes a lounge singer-type duo with her and the host. (That being said, I’m not 100% sure if Anderson wrote the particular sketch that I’m currently reviewing, but it’d put money on it that he did. He would also later write a lounge singer duo sketch with Kristen Wiig and Jon Hamm in 2010, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s written a lounge singer sketch for Cecily Strong in more recent years.)
— The name of Maya’s character in this sketch, C.C., is awfully similar to the name of her character, T.T., in that The Best Of T.T. & Mario sketch from just a few episodes prior, which also just so happened to be a James Anderson-written(I think) Maya Rudolph Singing Sketch. I actually like that sketch, though.
— Blah, I don’t care AT ALL for the comedic conceit of this sketch, with Maya and David’s songs being old commercial jingles of theirs.
— Maya’s “funny” singing in this is annoying to me. I’m starting to think I was correct when I said in my last episode review that we’ve officially entered the point of this season where I recall Maya’s frequent singing in sketches starting to hurt the show.
— Overall, not a single laugh from me during this sketch. Leave it to a damn Maya Rudolph Singing Sketch to break the streak of solid sketches in tonight’s episode.
STARS: *


BEAR CITY
by T. Sean Shannon- an anthropomorphic ursine uses the toilet

— Good gag, especially the funny visual of the non-handicapped bear desperately trying to hide when a handicapped bear is peeking into the handicapped stall that the non-handicapped bear is using.
STARS: ***½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest & G. Love [real] perform “Mudfootball”


DIRTBALL AND BURNOUT CONVENTION
redneck (DAS) touts the attractions of the Dirtball & Burnout Convention

— Yet another great role for David tonight, basically playing a variation of Joe Dirt. Some places claim David is playing Joe Dirt in this sketch, but the name of David’s character is never said in the sketch, and the hair is kinda different from Joe Dirt’s hair.
— I love all the redneck convention events David is touting.
— Surprisingly, this is Tina’s FOURTH appearance tonight. Hell, FIFTH if you count the Woomba rerun. Either way, this has got to be an all-time record for most appearances she’s made in a single episode during her tenure as a cast member.
— Such a fun sketch, and a great way to work in almost the entire cast. Even Horatio’s typically-hammy antics made me smile.
— Darrell’s Skeeter character makes another random appearance!
— A funny gaffe where Darrell’s not able to open the beer bottle top like he’s supposed to, then he ad-libs an amused “Some other time!” towards the camera.
STARS: ****


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A solid episode, a lot of strong sketches (some of which are the best of this season), and David Spade’s mere presence seemed to inject this ailing season with a lot of much-needed fun and energy. Not only is this episode a huge turnaround from the dreadful Hilary Swank episode that preceded this, but it’s a breath of fresh air for this season in general. Easily one of the best episodes of this season, and I wouldn’t be surprised if this ends up with the highest rating average out of all my reviews this season, though the Paul Giamatti episode has gotta be up there too.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Hilary Swank)
a huge step up


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Ashton Kutcher

Posted on

February 19, 2005 – Hilary Swank / 50 Cent (S30 E13)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

MICHAEL JACKSON IN NEVERLAND RANCH
in bed with the flu, loopy Michael Jackson (AMP) incriminates himself

— OH, NO. We’re already starting off very rough, with yet another “Michael Jackson In A Tree” variation, which I never like, and starring Amy’s baffling Michael Jackson impression, which I also never like.
— Ugh, the return of Maya’s annoying Latoya Jackson impression from that awful Latoya Jackson Show sketch in the preceding season’s Al Sharpton episode. And for some reason, Maya’s Latoya is using a more staccato voice in tonight’s sketch.
— Ugh again, there goes Maya’s Latoya mentioning that she’s “gig-a-ling” (giggling), which is something she kept saying throughout the aforementioned sketch in the Al Sharpton episode, and drove me nuts. Why does Maya’s Latoya always DO that bizarre “I’m gig-a-ling” thing as Latoya? Is it based on something the real Latoya was known for saying?
— I admit to getting a laugh from Will’s entrance as an adult Macaulay Culkin, just because of how he looks.
— Not caring much for all the various celebrity walk-ons.
— Ugh, yet another celebrity impression I never liked: Darrell’s Geraldo Rivera, which is actually an accurate impression, but SNL’s material for him never makes me laugh.
STARS: *½


MONOLOGUE
host goes backstage to show how cast members prepare for the show

— Interesting seeing a backstage monologue at this point of the show’s run.
— I did not like Maya and Will’s scene at all.
— Kenan In A Dress alert.
— I absolutely love Rachel’s scene, with her drunkenly and angrily telling off a photo of Tina.
— I was about to say how odd and random it is that Seth and Amy are said to be rehearsing a Little Sleuths sketch (a sketch that hasn’t made it to air since its first installment way back when Seth and Amy were only in their fourth episode), but then Hilary Swank tells us “They like to study their old scripts and go over them again and again.”
— Wow, Seth and Amy’s scene was pretty wild. Not sure it was all that funny, though. Seemed too desperate for my likes.
— While I like the format of this monologue, the execution of this is very hit-and-miss with me, with a few more misses than hits.
STARS: **½


GRAYSON MOORHEAD INVESTMENTS
the Grayson Moorhead investment philosophy produces uniquely bad results

— Wow. A very random revival of SNL’s excellent Grayson Moorhead Securities ads from 10 years earlier.
— Jim Downey is playing his role just as well as he did in ’95.
— Overall, this sadly turned out a little on the meh side. There were some laughs, and there was Downey’s typically-funny dry delivery, but this commercial as a whole couldn’t hold a freakin’ CANDLE to the fantastic original Grayson Moorhead ads. The humor here came off kinda desperate (there’s that word again in this review) and a lot less funny compared to the original ads.
STARS: **½


SHEILA CHOAD’S LOS ANGELES FACE
botoxed women have frozen features

— Judging from the random use of the last name Choad (if you don’t know what that word means, Google it, as I don’t feel like explaining it here, and you’ll see why) for Maya’s character, I take it this is a James Anderson-written sketch. IIRC, Anderson would later use the last name Choad for a character played by Kenan in a sketch from more recent years (I can’t remember the sketch, but it might’ve been a game show sketch). Plus, Anderson’s known for using random goofy and sometimes sexually-dirty last names for characters in many of his sketches in general.
— An okay-seeming premise spoofing how overboard women around this time were going with Botox injections.
— I’m now starting to get pretty bored with this sketch, despite amusing performances from everyone. The concept is just too thin to sustain a full 4-minute sketch.
STARS: **


GRAYSON MOORHEAD INVESTMENTS
Grayson Moorhead takes pride in its high risk, low reward track record

— Once again, funny dry delivery from Downey, but the dialogue itself isn’t very funny, especially in comparison to Downey’s hilariously absurd dialogue in the original Grayson Moorhead ads.
— This ad is going on too long for something so meandering and not all that funny.
— Overall, this was even more disappointing than the last one. There’s a reason tonight’s Grayson Moorhead ads aren’t remembered like the original ones are.
STARS: **


HOT PLATES
restaurant patrons are flustered by their unreasonably hot plates

— Ohhho, boy. I recall this being a notorious sketch among online SNL fans back when this era originally aired, as it was considered a nadir of this troubled season. I’ve seen some people come to this sketch’s defense, but I’ve always been on the side that absolutely HATES this sketch.
— One minute into this so far, and all I’ve being seeing is Horatio doing lots of hammy and unfunny bellowing of “HOT PLATES!” in an increasingly goofy-ass voice.
— I see SNL’s wasting Rob Riggle in a poor role as usual, relegating him to playing second fiddle to Horatio Fucking Sanz.
— This sketch needed to cast someone other than Horatio as the main waiter. He is playing this role the absolute WRONG way.
— Not liking any of the characters’ bad “comical” dramatics over how hot their plates are, nor am I liking any of the various special effects of the hot plates.
— Aaaaaand there goes our obligatory instance of Horatio cracking up at himself as usual. Fucking ugh.
— Blah. This sketch is SO dumb, and not the fun kind of dumb (like, say, the Monkeys Throwing Poop At Celebrities sketch I recently reviewed). More like “something that belongs on a lame kids show” kind of dumb.
— I particularly hate the gag right now with Amy being replaced by a skeleton, and Seth’s over-the-top screaming when seeing that. This already-terrible sketch has officially hit rock-bottom for me with that gag.
— Not even the reliable Will Forte could save this wretched sketch with his walk-on at the end as the devil. That devil bit was just as much of a lame cartoonish gag as the rest of the sketch was.
STARS: *


DEBBIE DOWNER
host’s former babysitter Debbie Downer sits next to her at the Oscars

— (*sigh*) As if the preceding Hot Plates sketch didn’t destroy me enough in its overt lameness, now we get FUCKING DEBBIE DOWNER. You guys know how I feel about this character.
— As always, I am absolutely STONE-FACED during Debbie Downer’s usual routine tonight, and continue to be befuddled over what a lot of SNL fans see in this character.
— What was with the lack of a “wah-wahhhhh” sound effect as the camera did a hesitant, half-assed zoom-in on Debbie Downer after her comment about how most of the deaths in the In Memoriam montage were preventable? That seemed like a blooper, but I’m not sure.
— Overall, wow. Even for a Debbie Downer sketch, this was fucking horrible. Not a single highlight to be found. At least the last two Debbie Downer sketches, which I hated, each had ONE highlight that I pointed out in my reviews.
STARS: *


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest & Olivia [real] perform “Candy Shop”


WEEKEND UPDATE
in Central Park, Tom Jankeloff (FRA) surveys opinions regarding The Gates

tired of being typecast, Morgan Freeman (FIM) is ready to do a love scene

— Lame opening joke from Tina about Michael Jackson.
— Another fun new Update character from Fred, and another one that ends up never becoming recurring.
— I love Fred’s way of shouting the words “The Gates” as “THE GYYYAAAAAATES!” That has stuck in my memory over the years ever since this episode originally aired.
— Another pre-taped man-on-the-street bit with Fred that feels like a nice throwback to the man-on-the-street bits Fred was known for doing in his early comedy days before he joined SNL.
— A funny inexplicable In Memoriam montage for Fred’s not-dead character.
— Fred continues to be a rare consistent highlight in this troubled season.
— Not a bad Michael Bloomberg/George Pataki/Harlem joke, but I hated Amy’s delivery of it. It was all wrong for this type of joke.
— Okay, I did like Amy’s on-point delivery of “Ugh, who cares?” during her Britney Spears joke just now.
— I love how the beginning of Finesse’s Morgan Freeman commentary is deviating from the normal format of Update commentaries, with an off-camera Finesse-as-Freeman narrating his own entrance.
— Solid turn in Finesse’s Morgan Freeman commentary, with him expressing a desire to finally do a love scene. I especially love his delivery of “I don’t wanna be Drivin’ Miss Daisy – I wanna be Ridin’ Miss Daisy.”
STARS: **


SEASONS OF LOVE
soap opera actress (host) receives crying lessons from coach (RAD)

— Chris is always perfect at humorously imitating the typical acting in soap operas. Yet another positive Phil Hartman-type trait that Chris possesses.
— Hilary’s first two crying attempts cracked me up, especially her gasping during the second crying attempt.
— Rachel is fantastic as the crying coach, and is stealing this whole sketch.
— This sketch is getting too reliant on mugging for my likes, but Hilary’s giving it her all, and I got a laugh from her random snorting during her finger-biting crying attempt just now.
— Yeesh, the successful crying take Hilary finally does was really dumb and fell completely flat.
— Very weak ending, though, again, Hilary showed commitment to it.
STARS: **½


CITY COURT WITH AARON NEVILLE
Aaron Neville (HOS) warbles more than he adjudicates

— A good imitation of Aaron Neville’s singing by Horatio.
— I like Chris’ voice in this.
— I recall thinking the bit with the gavel slipping twice out of Horatio-as-Aaron-Neville’s buttery hands was a genuine blooper when I first saw this sketch during its original airing, but I now see that it appears to be an intentional gag. The awkward way Horatio executed it and the fact that it resulted in YET ANOTHER obligatory instance of breaking from him (fucking ugh) is probably what made me think it was a real gaffe.
— The Seth/Finesse bit shown during the commercial break fell completely flat.
— Overall, despite a good Aaron Neville impression from Horatio, a funny juxtaposition of Neville as a judge, and some chuckles here and there, this sketch as a whole didn’t do all that much for me. Not awful, just kinda flat. I’m glad this never became a recurring sketch. (I remember thinking at the time this sketch originally aired that this was a poor man’s attempt at a Barry Gibb Talk Show-type of hit in the post-Jimmy Fallon era. Not sure I agree with that assessment of mine anymore, though.)
STARS: **


AFTER THE GRAMMYS
Marc Anthony (FRA) & Jennifer Lopez (MAR) redo their Grammys duet at home

— Oh, I am not liking Maya’s J.Lo impression AT ALL. It’s annoying as hell, and not in a funny or satirical way. Oh, and will someone please tell me why the HOLY FUCK Maya’s speaking in a very heavy Puerto Rican accent? Since when does J.Lo speak like that? If Maya’s only adding the Puerto Rican accent to make her J.Lo impression “funny” and “satirical”, it is absolutely not working. I also remember this being around the point where Maya’s constant singing on the show this season started increasingly getting on my and some others’ last nerve. (Maya sings at least once in literally EVERY SINGLE EPISODE in the second half of this season starting with the Paul Giamatti episode, I kid you not. I remember how much that irked the living hell out of me and a number of other online posters on an SNL message board back when this season originally aired.)
— This Marc Anthony role is a complete waste of Fred’s talents.
— Has Hilary been showing cleavage in every single sketch tonight?
— Hilary’s performance as Loretta Lynn is pretty fun, but I’m not caring for the material she’s been given at all.
— Yikes. What in the world happened when Hilary came running back into the room just now? She started saying a line, then suddenly stopped mid-sentence VERY awkwardly and then paused for an uncomfortably long time while looking at something off-camera (the last above screencap for this sketch; is she looking at the cue cards, perhaps?), then finally finished her line. WTF?!? Did she lose her place on the cue card or something? Whatever the hell happened, that was a PAINFUL moment. I’ve seen some people say they find this blooper funny and kinda charming, but this blooper just makes me cringe hard.
— That’s the end of the sketch?!?
— And the sketch is over, without me laughing a single time during it, nor understanding what the hell the premise or comedic conceit of it was even supposed to be. This overall sketch was fucking AWFUL, especially Maya’s very annoying and cringeworthy take on J.Lo, and Hilary’s also-cringeworthy blooper.
STARS: *


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Disco Inferno”


PROJECT RUNWAY
Heidi Klum (host) gives designers their latest assignment

— (*groan*) Now we get a parody of a reality show I have no familiarity with, which means I probably won’t get this spoof of it. We’ll see, though.
— Another pretty fun performance from Hilary.
— Maya’s bit as one of the Project Runway contestants got absolute SILENCE from the audience, while all the other cast members playing Project Runway contestants have gotten a big recognition laugh from the audience.
— As no surprise, I have no idea who any of these contestants being impersonated are, and they’re being impersonated in a way that seems to be mocking very specific things they’re known for doing/saying on Project Runway. Just as I was afraid of, this sketch is going completely over my head as an outsider to Project Runway.
— Hilary’s portrayal of Heidi Klum continues to give me my ONLY amusement in this sketch.
STARS: *½


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— In a word: yikes. Not a good episode. AT. ALL. In fact, I don’t think I gave a passing rating to ANY segments tonight, which is a rarity in my reviews. In fact, it may be a first. (Hell, even in my notoriously low-rated reviews of infamous episodes like Paul Reiser and Deion Sanders from season 20, I at least gave a passing rating to Norm Macdonald’s Weekend Update.) And the absolute worst sketches of the night weren’t just bad; they were particularly and painfully awful (Hot Plates, an even-less-funnier-than-usual Debbie Downer, and After The Grammys). This may possibly be not only my least favorite episode of this season, but may also possibly be one of the worst episodes I’ve ever reviewed, even though it’s CERTAINLY not anywhere near as disastrous as the aforementioned Paul Reiser and Deion Sanders episodes. If I have to say anything positive about this episode as a whole, it’s that Hilary Swank, despite some faults, was a pretty fun and energetic host (much better than I remember finding her when this episode originally aired), who was unfortunately saddled with lots of poor material.
— As I hinted at the end of my last episode review, this episode pretty much BROKE me the night it originally aired, and caused me to reach my absolute boiling point with season 30’s poor quality. I had absolutely HAD IT with this season by that point. After suffering through this episode the night it originally aired, I basically threw my hands up in the air and gave up on this season. Oh, I continued to watch the rest of the season, but I had absolutely NO enthusiasm for the show anymore and would watch the remainder of season 30 with a very sour and miserable attitude (for example, going into every episode basically saying to myself “[*sigh*] Let’s get this over with”, which is never a good way to watch SNL), expecting everything in the show to suck. (I wonder if all of this is the same approach loyal SNL viewers took after reaching their respective boiling point with the notorious season 20 back when it was originally airing.) That negative way of viewing those episodes carried over into the episode reviews I did back then (link here), as most of my reviews for the post-Hilary Swank episodes of this season got more and more half-assed to the degree that, starting with the Cameron Diaz episode in April, I officially gave up on doing full sketch-by-sketch reviews that season, opting instead to just do extremely short “reviews” that only consisted of me quickly summing up each episode as a whole by listing the episode’s highlights and lowlights, and listing the sketches that each cast member appeared in that night (the latter of which was something I regularly did in my old reviews). That just goes to show you how much I hated this season when it originally aired – I, a dedicated SNL fan who had loyally been doing episode reviews for five seasons by that point, couldn’t even be bothered to do full reviews anymore during season 30’s final two months. Going back to me officially reaching my boiling point with this season after this Hilary Swank episode originally aired, what made my boiling point towards this season even worse is that, the day after this Swank episode originally aired, NBC premiered an “SNL: The First Five Years” documentary (the first of a chronological series of famous Kenneth Bowser-made SNL documentaries that each cover a decade of the show). Until this documentary aired, I hadn’t had much exposure to the original SNL era. Watching the documentary and discovering just how funny, fresh, innovative, and intriguing SNL was in the 70s made the then-current season 30 look EVEN WORSE to me than it already did, and made me FULLY realize the low effort SNL was putting into season 30, which furthered my frustration towards it.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Jason Bateman)
a big step down


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
David Spade

Posted on

February 12, 2005 – Jason Bateman / Kelly Clarkson (S30 E12)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

PRESS CONFERENCE
nuke-wielding Kim Jong Il (HOS) makes demands at fawning press conference

— Seth reprises his Brian Williams impression for the first time since Seth was only in his fourth episode on SNL.
— (*groan*) Looks like I’m in for a typical Horatio Sanz ham-fest and shout-fest.
— Four minutes into this sketch, and all I’ve been seeing is a whole bunch of tepid, unfunny dialogue, a whole bunch of bad Asian accents, and, of course, Horatio both hamming and screaming it up.
— Overall, no. Didn’t enjoy a moment of this.
STARS: *


MONOLOGUE
host & AMP plug Arrested Development so that it won’t be cancelled

— The mentions of Jason Bateman’s Arrested Development co-star Will Arnett being Amy’s husband reminds me that Arnett actually made a cameo in a dress rehearsal sketch from this episode (an award show sketch, I think), but it got cut from the live show. Odd how they would cut a Will Arnett cameo from the live show.
— Jason, on Arrested Development being up against Extreme Makeover: Home Edition: “Who’s gonna watch us when they can watch a hot shirtless guy build a skate ramp for a kid with no bones?”
— Amy’s pretty funny throughout this monologue.
STARS: ***


ME-HARMONY.COM
me-Harmony.com matches narcissists with their opposite-sex alter egos

— Blah. I find this comedic premise weak, and basically just a cheap excuse to throw everybody into drag.
— Will Forte in drag is a pretty horrifying sight.
— Oh, and because this is fucking season 30, we have to end this commercial with a token gay joke, with the lame he-harmony gag with Seth. Ugh. Also, they didn’t even try to make Seth’s gay clone look like he was realistically standing behind him, unlike how they made everybody else realistically look like they were interacting with their opposite-gender clone. Seth looked like he was standing in front of some cheap projector that was showing his gay clone.
STARS: *½


MONKEYS THROWING POOP AT CELEBRITIES
Sean Connery (DAH) gets hit

— Okay, we definitely need to discuss this sketch. This sketch seems to have a negative reputation among a lot of (or is it just some?) hardcore online SNL fans, and seems to be considered a nadir of this season. At the risk of getting stones thrown at me (or, more fittingly, poop thrown at me), as I go through the sketch, I will proceed to argue all the reasons why I’ve always felt this is actually a good sketch.
— I absolutely love the opening shot of this sketch, with Chris, dressed like a rich snob (complete with a smoking pipe, a great little detail), saying into the camera with a very deadpan voice and face “And now, it’s time for Monkeys Throwing Poop At Celebrities.” I can’t think of a more perfect way to open a sketch that has such an iffy and off-putting subject matter. Chris’ reliable, Phil Hartman-esque deadpan is perfect here. (I know, I know. Some of you reading this probably don’t want to imagine Phil Hartman being in a sketch like this.)
— Speaking of Chris, after his aforementioned intro at the beginning of this sketch, I like the subsequent theme song sung by him in the opening title sequence.
— Jason’s kinda stumbly with his lines early on in this.
— A rare non-Celebrity Jeopardy appearance from Darrell’s Sean Connery.
— Right from Darrell-as-Connery’s entrance, I love him immediately halting the proceedings and being very suspicious of what this show is about, and questioning so many things about the show. The way Darrell is playing this so sternly and tensely is cracking me up, and is really making this sketch work so well.
— Darrell’s Connery finally getting poop thrown at him, and him jovially laughing about it isn’t quite as hilarious as I had remembered it, but it’s still working for me.
— I was about to say that the preview of the next episode, with celebrities such as Carrot Top (Seth) and Sharon Stone (Amy) getting poop thrown at them, was pushing it and wasn’t necessary, but then the final shot in that preview, with Kenan as Bill Cosby getting poop thrown right onto his forehead and it sticking on there while he stares at the camera in a deadpan manner with a cigar in his mouth, is an unforgettable image to me and got me back to laughing.
— Overall, yep. I like this sketch. In the past, I used to feel that the people who hate this sketch aren’t giving the actual content of it a shot and are just unfairly judging it by its mere juvenile premise combined with the fact that it’s airing in a bad season like this. In more recent years, I’ve come to accept the fact that people who hate this sketch perhaps ARE fairly judging this sketch as a whole, not just the juvenile premise, and they simply don’t enjoy the sketch at all. I can understand that. However, I personally will defend this sketch to the grave.
STARS: ***½


AN IMPORTANT MOMENT IN BLACK HISTORY
Kenny Wilkins (FIM) nixes skydiving

— Will looks like he’s wearing his John George Peppers wig from the famous Key Party sketch, only with sideburns added.
— I love Finesse’s sudden outburst of “HELL NO!”
— Very funny ending with a text crawl revealing that what we just saw was the first black man to say no to a recreational activity only a white man would think to do.
STARS: ****


THE BEST OF T.T. & MARIO
T.T. (MAR) & Mario’s (KET) songs all refer to getting freaky

— The sudden “booty so tight” turn in Maya and Kenan’s first song made me laugh.
— I love how the sexual song right now about “putting it in” suddenly ends with the blunt lyric “JUST A TIP!”
— I like the Kenan and Maya’s monotone “Oh my god, it’s an earthquake” tacked on at the end of an otherwise very unrelated raunchy song for an earthquake movie.
— The intros with Jason and Amy are increasingly hilarious.
— Kenan and Maya’s scenes are kinda hit and miss, but the hits are really working for me.
STARS: ***½


SUBWAY PERFORMERS
subway passenger (host) empties his wallet for pushy in-car performers

— Lots of pairings of Amy and Jason tonight, possibly because of Jason’s Arrested Development co-star being Amy’s husband. I remember some online SNL fans back at this time in 2005 wondering if Amy and Jason constantly playing a romantic couple is SNL’s way of playfully trolling Arnett.
— A laugh from the obvious made-up charity that Finesse says he and the young boy with him are collecting money for.
— Finesse and the young boy’s choreography is pretty funny.
— I’m enjoying all of Rachel’s harsh one-liners to the various subway performers.
— When Jason and Amy try to pretend they’re not there so Kelly Clarkson’s blind character won’t ask them for money, I love Clarkson’s stern delivery of “Pay up, I can smell you.”
— Weak ending.
STARS: ***


AN IMPORTANT MOMENT IN BLACK HISTORY
Kenny Wilkins nixes direct deposit

— Finesse’s sudden delivery of “HELL NO!” continues to crack me up, even though it’s just the same joke from last time. Could’ve done without the subsequent text crawl being the exact same from last time, though.
— I remember an online SNL fan back at this time saying this Important Moment In Black History runner felt too much like an inferior imitation of the type of biting racial humor that was regularly seen at the time on Chappelle’s Show. I can see that, but I’m still enjoying this Important Moment In Black History runner on its own merits.
STARS: ***


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Since U Been Gone”


WEEKEND UPDATE
Prince Charles (SEM) thinks Camilla Parker Bowles (FRA) is quite a catch

TIF & AMP sing “War Is All Around” in honor of Condoleezza Rice

not wanting to anger Bill Cosby, KET passes on a chance to denigrate him

— Blah at that clapter-inducing anti-Bush joke of Tina’s.
— Did we really need extended audience laughter from Amy’s tepid joke implying Howard Dean has no neck?
— The apple-eating/knife bit between Tina and Amy was weak, especially Amy’s stupid extended nervous babbling of a cartoonish “Hupupupupup!”
— OH FUCKING NO. The debut of Seth and Fred’s Prince Charles and Camilla Parker-Bowles Update commentaries. I absolutely hate these, mainly for a reason that I’ll state when it occurs in tonight’s commentary.
— An okay ad-lib from Seth after he messes up a line.
— OH, GOD. And there goes the main reason I hate these awful Charles/Camilla commentaries: the cheap, hacky, and unfunny punchline being a man-on-man kiss between Seth and Fred, which is all this whole commentary seemed to be leading up to. As if this SNL era (particularly this season) hadn’t ALREADY been relying way too goddamn heavily on the “hilarious” and “shocking” sight of men kissing each other for a cheap, unnecessary laugh.
— Boy, I am HATING most of Tina and Amy’s jokes tonight, even moreso than usual in the Fey/Poehler era of Update.
— Oh, no. Now I have to sit through Tina breaking out into a song?
— Ugh, that whole bit with Tina and Amy singing an altered version of the Mary Tyler Moore theme song during a Condoleezza Rice photo montage was awful, as was Amy’s dumb and unfunny ad-lib afterwards about how she and Tina look like synchronized swimmers in the freeze-frame of them throwing their hats into the air. Jesus Christ, tonight’s Update is destroying me with how bad it is.
— I see this must’ve been when the Bill Cosby rape allegations first started, 9 long years before those allegations started being taken much more seriously (thanks to SNL’s own Hannibal Buress, IIRC), leading to Cosby eventually being found guilty and sentenced to prison.
— Kenan’s brief appearance during Tina and Amy’s Bill Cosby bit feels kinda odd to watch now. To think now that there was once a time where Kenan wanted to refrain from making jokes about Bill Cosby’s rape allegations because Kenan wanted to continue working in Bill Cosby projects like the Fat Albert movie he had then-recently starred in. If he only knew…
— Tina and Amy’s losing streak in tonight’s Update continues, as their whole Bill Cosby bit did not work for me. Seemed mostly like YET ANOTHER excuse for lame Fey/Poehler self-indulgence, with them wasting airtime by taking turns doing bad Cosby impressions for half a minute.
— I will say that I did like Tina’s Tracy Morgan joke just now.
— And tonight’s Update has mercifully ended. Overall, oof. What a wretched Update, and further backs up my viewpoint that the Fey/Poehler era was a Dark Age for Weekend Update.
STARS: *½


GAYS IN SPACE
homosexual rocketmen encounter sperm-seeking lesbians

— I’ll say for the second time tonight: OH FUCKING NO. The debut of a recurring sketch that I’ve always despised with a fiery passion, and consider to be the bane of season 30’s aforementioned hyperfocus on hacky stereotypical gay humor.
— Did Jason just say “Bokay” instead of “Okay” just now? That would later become a somewhat common thing Kenan would later say in the Deep House Dish sketches (another recurring sketch I’ve always despised with a fiery passion).
— Literally NOTHING in this awful marathon of gay stereotypes is working for me. This sketch represents so many things I hate not only about this season of SNL, but about James Anderson’s tendencies as a writer.
STARS: *


LOOPING SESSION
in the voiceover booth, Bill Kurtis (DAH) mixes graphic script & chitchat

— I love how Darrell’s Bill Kurtis is constantly and seamlessly going back-and-forth between having a family-friendly conversation with the technicians and reading the increasingly disturbing and graphic murder details into the microphone. This is being executed really well, especially considering this is a later-era Darrell Hammond performance, long after he started seeming checked-out as a performer. His performance and timing in this sketch is top-notch.
— Hmm, maybe I spoke a bit a little too soon about Darrell putting rare effort into this sketch, as he didn’t even commit to that guitar ending. He can be seen IMMEDIATELY putting the guitar back down before the screen even faded to black. Certainly not a big deal, though, and has no effect on this strong sketch.
— Overall, a forgotten and underrated sketch.
STARS: ****


AN IMPORTANT MOMENT IN BLACK HISTORY
Kenny Wilkins nixes sushi

— Once again, the same “HELL NO!” gag as the last two times, but the funny sushi-eating premise of this one made it funny. However, this runner would probably be better if, instead of always showing the very first instance of a “HELL NO!” in different situations, the second and third installment of this runner showed the very first instance of other black phrases.
STARS: ***


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Breakaway”


RAP NIGHT WITH CHUBB HOTTY
Chubb Hotty sings a duet with his girlfriend (musical guest)

— FUCKING KILL ME. This dreck again.
— When Horatio’s Chubb Hotty made his entrance in this sketch, what was with the awkward way the curtain he was standing behind raised up in the air, then got pulled to the side? Was that an intentional joke? If so, it came off completely half-assed and poorly executed.
— Like last time, Kenan is the only thing that comes even remotely close to holding this horrible sketch together, especially his solid delivery of his line about Chubby Hotty eating Free Willy in front of kids at Sea World.
— Chubb Hotty: “Yesterday, I took a poop the size of a Hyundai.” Again, I ask: FUCKING KILL ME.
— That pre-taped behind-the-scenes video was awful.
— Aaaaaaaand there goes the obligatory huge fart in tonight’s Chubb Hotty sketch.
— Wait, you mean to tell me we get MULTIPLE huge farting this time, instead of just one huge fart like we got in the first installment of this sketch?!? I ask one more time in my review of this sketch: FUCKING KILL ME.
STARS: *


PUBLIC SPEAKING CLASS
students at a public speaking workshop exhibit presentational defects

— After two consecutive episodes of being stuck in Non-Speaking Bit Role Hell, Rob Riggle finally gets another chance to remind the audience that he’s actually funny.
— I’m enjoying how the performers in this sketch are each getting a comedic showcase one-by-one that’s different from one another.
— Yet another romantic pairing of Jason and Amy. Yep, I’m starting to see what some people meant by SNL playfully trolling Will Arnett.
— SNL saves the best for last, as the underrated Chris Parnell absolutely steals this whole sketch with his very funny Gesture Dyslexia bit.
STARS: ***½


GOODNIGHTS

— A noteworthy unplanned and funny moment during these goodnights: as Jason is crouching down and acting playfully with the monkey from the Monkeys Throwing Poop At Celebrities sketch, the monkey suddenly swipes his arm kinda violently towards Jason’s face (not making actual contact) (the third above screencap for these goodnights), leading to Jason making a very amused and surprised “Ohhh!” face towards the audience (the fourth above screencap for these goodnights), and Rachel to put her hands over her own mouth in a shocked “Oh my god” manner. The camera then cuts to a different part of the home base stage, where Amy is seen looking up at the monitor and laughing her ass off at the monkey incident (the last above screencap for these goodnights). Great little goodnights moment here.

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A lot of people seem to consider this episode to be a nadir of season 30. I feel like where you stand with this episode might also just so happen to depend on whether or not you like Monkeys Throwing Poop At Celebrities. (I’m not implying that sketch ALONE makes one like or dislike this entire episode; just that, from what I’ve seen, people who strongly dislike this episode also don’t seem to like that sketch.) I like that sketch, and I happen to feel this episode as a whole is okay-ish…for THIS season’s standards. That’s pretty much damning with faint praise, though. I’m apparently in the minority in not finding this episode to be among the worst of season 30. What can I say? While I found this episode to be somewhat hit and miss (especially the post-Weekend Update half of the show), the hits outnumbered the misses for me. However, it needs to be said that most of the misses were not only weak; they were fucking WRETCHED, particularly an even-worse-than-usual Fey/Poehler Update, and two of my absolute least favorite recurring sketches from this period of SNL (Gays in Space, Chubb Hotty), both recurring sketches of which epitomize so much of what’s wrong with this season.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Paris Hilton)
a mild step up


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Hilary Swank. The way a lot of people feel about the Jason Bateman episode is how *I* feel about this Hilary Swank episode. This episode pretty much BROKE me when it originally aired and led to me reaching my official boiling point with season 30, which I’ll be going into some detail about in my review of this episode.