Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars
A MESSAGE FROM THE SECRETARY OF STATE DESIGNATE
Hillary Clinton (AMP) puts a positive spin on becoming Secretary Of State
— Amy makes her return from maternity leave, and memorably begins this cold opening by saying, as Hillary Clinton, after turning her chair towards the camera, “You thought I was gone, didn’t you?!?” A very nice way to welcome Amy back into the show.
— I had gotten so used to SNL without Amy the last few episodes that it feels kinda odd seeing her again, especially knowing that two new women have joined the cast during her maternity leave. It does feel good and special seeing Amy back, though, especially knowing this is the homestretch of her SNL tenure.
— Solid performance from Amy in this.
— Darrell’s Bill Clinton, to us: “You voted for change…but you ain’t never gonna change this (*points to himself and Hillary*).”
— Amy’s Hillary, regarding herself and Bill: “Like the south, vampires, and Britney Spears, we will rise again.”
— There’s something charming and sweet I find about the little touch Amy throws in right after her and Darrell’s LFNY, where Amy ad-libs a kiss onto Darrell’s hand right before the camera cuts to the opening montage.
STARS: ****
MONOLOGUE
host spoils the mood while reading The Night Before Christmas to children
— Feels so good seeing John Malkovich hosting SNL again. Not only is he one of my favorite actors, but he’s one of my all-time favorite SNL hosts, and his season 19 episode has always been one of my personal favorite SNL episodes ever.
— Impressive how fast we see the SNL crew assembling the Christmas set on the home base stage.
— I love John’s little, sing-songy “Itchy, itchy” when removing his Santa hat. The studio audience has no idea how to react to that.
— Fantastic concept of John telling kids about Christmas in his usual dry, creepy manner.
— I absolutely love John’s asides to the kids throughout the story. I particularly love the non-sequitur “When I was a child, we used to suck on pennies…and it was a delight.”
— Overall, this monologue is a favorite of mine.
STARS: *****
GAS RIGHT
(FRA) silences farts by applying Breathe Right concept to butt
— There’s a “So dumb, it’s funny” charm to this concept, but I’m still kinda meh on it. SNL has gotten better mileage from fart humor at times before.
— Fred’s jovial delivery of his ending line, “They spread your buttcheeks apart!”, made me laugh.
STARS: **½
NEW GIRL
off-putting traits of mostly-sexy Shana (KRW) disenchant her co-workers
— This character of Kristen’s makes her debut.
— An interesting different type of voice from Kristen.
— Kristen’s pulling off her sexy character’s very unsexy actions really well.
— A good Kenan Reacts facial expression (the second-to-last above screencap for this sketch) in response to Kristen-as-Shana’s diarrhea story.
— John is well-cast in the offbeat role as the only person enamored with Shana’s unsexy actions.
— Even the bathroom humor is coming off fine here. Speaking of which, there apparently was originally going to be a fart in this sketch. I recall hearing from someone that one portion of the James Franco-made behind-the-scenes documentary on this episode (which I haven’t seen myself) shows writer Paula Pell intensely studying various fart sound effects when trying to figure out a fart sound effect to put into this Shana sketch. There ends up being no fart in the aired version of this sketch, which is for the best, especially given the fact that this sketch was preceded by a fart-based commercial.
STARS: ***½
COOL OBAMA
unretributive Barack Obama (FRA) keeps it cool regarding political rivals
— Fred’s Barack Obama voice sounds deeper and more accurate than usual tonight. Some online SNL fans have speculated that SNL may have used a vocal modifier in this pre-tape to make Fred’s voice sound deeper. If that’s true, it’s too bad SNL doesn’t use that vocal modifier in the subsequent live appearances that Fred’s Obama makes.
— An interesting piece, and a different use of Fred’s Obama.
— This is well-shot, and I like the 1960s-like graphics, especially during Fred-as-Obama’s jazz-like, sing-songy spiels about how he “keeps it cool”.
STARS: ***½
LA RIVISTA DELLA TELEVISIONE CON VINNY VEDECCI
Vinny Vedecci & son (BOM) interview host
— I really could’ve done without the return of a staple these Vinny Vedecci sketches always begin with, in which the interviewee has a very taken-aback reaction to Vedecci starting the interview by speaking to them in Italian, then the interviewee explains to Vedecci that they don’t speak Italian, leading to Vedecci arguing in Italian with Fred’s character (though I do like how John Malkovich gets involved in the arguing tonight). It is SO tiring and unnecessary how almost every Vinny Vedecci sketch begins that way. They actually refrained from doing that in the Shia LaBeouf installment of this sketch, so I don’t understand why they returned to it tonight.
— I absolute LOVE the vocal Malkovich impression that Bill’s Vedecci is now doing. Absolutely SPOT-ON.
— The “Being Vinny Vedecci” porno clip is hilarious.
— The debut of Bobby as Vinny Vedecci’s son.
— A big laugh from Vedecci stopping his son’s crying by inappropriately giving him a cigarette.
STARS: ****
VIRGANIA HORSEN’S PONY EXPRESS
Virgania Horsen’s Pony Express is an equine-based custom delivery service
— Odd how this second Virgania Horsen ad opens with the “An SNL Digital Short” title screen, when the first Virgania Horsen ad from the preceding season didn’t open with that.
— Like last time, I’m loving all of the Tim & Eric-esque low-budget awkwardness in this.
— “Stermp” (a variation of stamp) sounds like something another Kristen Wiig recurring character, Target Lady, would say.
— When Virgania Horsen is interacting with male characters played by herself, I’m getting laughs from the awkward flirtatious(?) looks Horsen gives into the camera as both herself and the male characters she’s playing.
STARS: ****
CALCULATOR
getting a calculator for Christmas fulfills twins’ (FRA) & (host) wishes
— I recall some online SNL fans pinpointing this as one of the earliest examples of the huge decline Fred takes in his later seasons. While this is definitely a dumb and questionable sketch, and I can understand why it’s disliked among some SNL fans, I’ve personally always had a soft spot for it. Part of the reason is because I love seeing John Malkovich do something as silly as this sketch, and I like this pairing of him and Fred as these offbeat characters.
— Turns out John is just as fun in this role as I had remembered.
— There’s a dumb likable charm I’m finding to this whole sketch. That’s the best defense of this sketch I can give to anybody who dislikes this sketch.
STARS: ***½
MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Whatever You Like”
WEEKEND UPDATE
wounded Plaxico Burress (KET) fails to heed his own gun ownership tips
Boy George (FRA) sees nothing wrong with his treatment of gay prostitutes
9-year-old (ANS) offers manipulative & cynical advice on talking to girls
— Similar to what I said in the cold opening, I had gotten so used to Weekend Update without Amy that it feels a little odd seeing her back at the desk.
— Pretty funny gun tips from Kenan as Plaxico Burress.
— I’m enjoying the voice and accent Fred’s using as Boy George.
— What’s with the smiling/giggling reactions Fred keeps giving Seth throughout this commentary? Even Seth looks taken aback by it.
— This Boy George commentary isn’t doing it for me. It’s pretty much a pointless, rambling mess. I think we’re seeing another early example of SNL giving Fred free rein to go on the air and waste airtime by doing whatever the hell stretched-out thing wants.
— Amy’s jokes seem a little better than usual tonight, but maybe it just seems that way to me because I perhaps subconsciously missed her presence during her hiatus (which, if so, is kinda odd, given the fact that I’m usually not crazy about her as an Update anchor). Between how refreshing I found Amy’s presence in the cold opening earlier tonight and now this, I guess this is a case of absence making the heart grow fonder. I also wonder if it’s because, in hindsight, I consider Amy to be the last pillar of stability before the female cast really falls apart as Wiig Mania hits full swing, with Kristen being utilized more than ever, a lot of particularly badly-written Wiig characters making their debut (e.g. the “Thomas!” lady), and Kristen’s female castmates infamously being sidelined on a frequent basis in favor of her.
— A lot of good laughs from the inappropriate advice Andy’s little boy character is giving about talking to girls. I particularly love the “cat on your fat” double entendre.
— I love how the audience initially has no idea how to react to Seth’s joke about White House staff members “putting their nuts on the Bush family’s toothbrushes”.
STARS: ***½
THE LOST WORKS OF JUDY BLUME
preteen Gertie (host) undergoes unnatural body changes in Judy Blume book
— Kenan’s singing of the “Lost Works of Judy Blume” theme song is making me laugh.
— I’m usually very iffy on men-in-drag humor in more recent SNL eras like this one, but the visual of John dressed like this in a “tender” Judy Blume spoof is very funny. His portrayal of this character is also helping to prevent it from being hacky like some men-in-drag sketches. And the fact that it’s John Malkovich playing this role gives it a great creepy, unsettling, disturbing tone.
— This is the closest to a noteworthy role Abby has gotten so far in her SNL tenure, and it’s still just a forgettable straight role that doesn’t let her show her comedic chops.
— A good laugh from John-as-Gertie’s description of her first period, which lasted months.
— I’m liking Michaela’s realistic off-put facial reactions to Gertie’s odd actions.
STARS: ****
JIZZ IN MY PANTS
(ANS) & (Jorma Taccone) are premature ejaculators
— A rarity to have two officially-billed Digital Shorts in the same episode. I really like the rare times that happens, though, as it gives the episodes an interesting feel.
— This has always been one of my personal favorite Digital Shorts. I haven’t watched this one in ages, so I’m VERY eager to revisit it right now.
— When this originally aired, I remember how surprising it was seeing Jorma Taccone in a co-starring role. Sure, he and Akiva Schaffer made appearances in bit roles in some previous Lonely Island shorts, but this is the first one to feature either Jorma or Akiva in such a front-and-center main role.
— I absolutely LOVE the melody to the non-chorus parts of this song. It sounds quite “West End Girls”-esque (a Pet Shop Boys song), though I don’t know if that’s intentional.
— Many memorably hilarious bits throughout this song, and I especially like how the jizz-in-pants reactions from Andy and Jorma are provoked by increasingly innocent things.
— A very random Justin Timberlake cameo (for the second episode this season) as a supermarket janitor.
— Very catchy chorus towards the end of the song.
STARS: *****
MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest & Swizz Beatz [real] perform “Swing Ya Rag”
J’ACCUZZI
host reprises Dangerous Liaisons role in an onstage hot tub
— An absolutely hilarious random concept.
— Very funny visuals of dramatic Dangerous Liaisons scenes being portrayed so seriously in a hot tub.
— Spot-on casting of Michaela as Glenn Close’s character from Dangerous Liaisons, as Michaela does have a strong facial resemblance to Close.
— I love John’s dialogue in the interstitial pre-taped interview scenes with him.
STARS: ****½
GOODNIGHTS
IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A very solid episode. There was a good quality for almost the entire night (even the segment I found to be the weakest, Gas Right, wasn’t too bad), and there were some strong, memorable, and inspired bits. The post-Weekend Update half was particularly great. John Malkovich is now 3-for-3 in hosting SNL episodes that I love. Speaking of John, he was, once again, a great host. It’s criminal that SNL never made him a frequent recurring host. He should be well into the Five Timers Club by now.
MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS
RATED SEGMENTS RANKED FROM BEST TO WORST
Monologue / Jizz In My Pants (tie)
J’accuzzi
La Rivista Della Televisione con Vinny Vedecci
Virgania Horsen’s Pony Express
The Lost Works Of Judy Blume
A Message from the Secretary of State Designate
New Girl
Calculator
Cool Obama
Weekend Update
Gas Right
HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Tim McGraw)
a big step up
My full set of screencaps for this episode is here
TOMORROW
Hugh Laurie hosts the Christmas episode. It’s also Amy Poehler’s final episode as a cast member.
Malkovich? Malkovich, Malkovich.
The calculator sketch is good. It seemed a lot funnier during the tableread of it that was shown in the Franco documentary.
This whole episode in general is very interesting to watch after having seen the documentary.
John Malkovich should have hosted more after this episode. He always elevates SNL whenever he’s on. This was one of the better episodes of S34, and he’s a big reason why.
I wish “Empire Carpets” made it to air.
Never thought about that “West End Girls” comparison, but good point you made there.
Seth wrote “J’acuzzi” and I think “Cool Obama.” I think Mulaney and Marika Sawyer wrote the Judy Blume sketch.
Man, people think CALCULATOR (which isn’t exactly a classic, but is the dumb silly fun I can usually take in a SNL episode) is a sign of Fred’s decline? There’s like three other things Fred does in this episode that are way worse!
Shana is another good example of a perfectly fine single use Wiig character that got used way too much and in the exact same template (almost ludicrously so, too, what with always the host being the only one to be enraptured, the other guys increasingly getting grossed out, the ignored other female cast member).
Jizz in My Pants I remember had a very different feel to it than other shorts–it seemed more cinematic and polished, and perhaps a harbinger of some future shorts.
Cool Obama was cut from the Tim McGraw episode.
The James Franco doc is on YouTube, It’s literally the first result when you search James Franco SNL documentary, look for the thumbnail of Mulaney. It received positive reviews at SXSW and other festivals and was sold to Oscilloscope Pictures owned by Adam Yauch aka MCA from Beastie Boys. Yauch died in 2012 so they had to settle before it sold to Focus Features and debuted on Hulu in 2014
Simon Rich & John Malkovich wrote the well-known monologue that appears in the annual SNL Christmas special. Rich came up with the idea to read the poem and wrote asides similar to what Bill does during his Malkovich impression where he works himself into a rage. The facts that Malkovich brings up during the monologue were his idea. Mulaney has an anecdote about getting shut out of an episode earlier this season so he and Simon Rich decided to start trying to write as many monologues as possible because sketches can get cut on air but there is always a monologue. I believe it’s on one of Mulaney’s Stories From The Show videos on YouTube.
https://tvline.com/2014/06/01/john-malkovich-saturday-night-live-christmas/
That documentary has some weird choices. Why include 2 minutes of Hader lip synching to a song you don’t have the rights to, but no interviews with Kristin or Amy in her second to last episode?
Calculator’s one of those so stupid its funny sketches I’ve always liked. I was still pretty pro Fred at this point, I think it was sometime around the next season when I really started souring on a lot of his stuff, it’s like he went from being one of my favorites to Chris Kattan level annoying all of a sudden.
I thought I recognized Jamie Lynn Sigler in the Jizz in My Pants video, so I looked it up and yes, it was her (along with Molly Sims). The Wiki for the song/video also mentions that Lonely Island had made the video in September for their album and not planning to air it on the show, but after some encouragement from cast and crew, they did. I’m glad they did because it’s very interesting to see this more slick and smooth production on SNL compared to the goofier music videos (not that this one isn’t goofy, of course) which could sometimes feel mailed in as the years passed. It’s also interesting to see Jorma in such a central role, which certainly shows SNL’s confidence in Andy/LI by this point that they weren’t concerned viewers may not know who he was. He really adds to the Pet Shop Boys feel of the song.
John Malkovich was a very good host, as he was every time, and his very unique presence meant he can be himself even with three very different eras. The monologue is a great example of his immense charm and control, and I can certainly see why it is beloved by many. I feel like the assembly line structure of this period meant he didn’t get a real chance to shine until the last few sketches of the night, but when he did he commanded the screen. The Judy Blume sketch was my favorite piece of the night (and one of my favorites of the season), as it was such a very specific absurd concept, so much so that John was one of the few hosts who could have pulled it off. That’s what a host should be there for, not reacting to Kristen Wiig. J’Accuzi rests more on the concept and the great title than the mediocre execution, but that’s still enough, as the concept is great.
(Michaela Watkins is also a strong, grounding force in the Judy Blume sketch – her poise with just a few episodes is remarkable)
Kristen’s Virginia Horsen return is just as good as the first, if not better, and considering our current post office struggles, continues your blog’s eerie timeliness. Another glimpse of how good Kristen’s collaborations with Lonely Island are.
This is another reliable Vinny Vedecci segment, enlivened a great deal by Bobby’s scene-stealing turn and by the very funny Vinny porn star interlude.
Amy’s Hillary reprisal and especially Bill’s material feels warmed-over – I’m fairly sure this is the second time we’ve had these “you’re not getting rid of us/we’re back/we’re here to stay” type dialogue with Darrell and a Hillary – we get one more with our last Hillary – but it’s good to see her back. I did laugh at her very petty lines about the Secretary of State job being better than governor of Alaska, and her mocking laughter of the idea of missing New York. And yes, the moment where she kisses Darrell’s hand is very sweet and unexpected. It makes you realize just how many miles he’s clocked with the various Hillarys.
Andy is very funny on Update – one of his best commentaries, probably?
Fred’s Update appearance is the twaddliest of twaddle, and unlike the other Fred vanity pieces all over this episode, there isn’t even anything I could have liked or could think about here. It’s nothing but 3-4 minutes of “lol Fred is using a British accent” and “Boy George is gay and assaulted a gay prostitute! GAY! FUNNEE!” Just in case we didn’t get the whole point, they even make sure to have a big “lol” at the end about gay men being eager to go to prison. Say what you will about Norm, but he would have at least just laid the gay joke and rape joke flat out for people to take how they wish, and in about 30 seconds, rather than dressing it up in endless frou-frou pretentiousness. And Seth’s participation in the whole thing reminds me of why I found him smug and offputting when I would occasionally tune in around this time and seemed to end up seeing the David Paterson pieces over and over.
The fart pre-tape is not terrible, but just feels thrown onto the screen to fill a gap – it’s barely a one-joke idea, and also suffers from airing only one episode after a similar, better-executed idea the previous week (that one having Kristen as a crazy person who pitches a meaningless, cumbersome product). This is another Fred showcase with little effort made beyond showcasing him.
The Obama pre-tape is better than the other two vanity pieces, but bogged down by excessive running time (which shows up his struggles with the voice) and that ever-encroaching dead feeling. The whole thing mostly leaves me confused – are we meant to see this as a mockery of Obama’s “coolness” and scorn it as sheer apathy? Are we meant to just enjoy the whole thing as some ’60s Playboy Club vibe but Fred’s lack of spark drowns out the idea? This is the second pre-tape where they have big closeups of Fred in the brownface which exposes just how bad he looks (which they never did with, say, Darrell) – is that some sort of trolling of people who are unhappy with his portrayal, or is it just they didn’t realize how bad the makeup looks when we get so close?
Of the four vanity pieces, the Calculator sketch is the best, but suffers from Fred and John basically just being in stereo. This is similar to Fred and Tom doing the “MA!” routine a few seasons back, but while that was an inferior sketch to this one, they managed to get the timing right between Fred and Tom. They don’t here, so you just end up wondering what might have been if one of them wasn’t involved. I do like that the sketch ends on a happy note, instead of what you’d often get – their saying the calculator is wrong, smashing it, breaking through a window, etc. It’s a decent slice-of-life exaggeration which just needed one or two more edits.
Speaking of vanity pieces, you can at least say that Kristen gives a strong performance, but between the padded length, the nonstop reaction shots, the one joke is buried far beneath us all. I think the main reason this sketch bothered me is because of Casey languishing in the role of the discarded, scapegoated underling – given Casey’s struggles to fit in, and their clear lack of interest in showcasing her, it just feels a bit callous, similar to when they would do this a decade later with Luke Null.
Indeed, Amy’s brief return is jarring because I realized just how little had changed in terms of female cast representation during her time away, in spite of two new and one relatively new female hire – rather than being given the chance to make their mark, we have just the opposite…and her return episode somehow manages to have less representation for women than John’s last episode, which, if you have watched any of 93-95, you know is quite a feat!
(Speaking of this, how fascinating that two of John’s three episodes have briefly returning longtime female cast members as Hillary Clinton)
I hit send before I got to add that the faces in the Jizz in My Pants video ended up reminding me of the “Orgasm Guy” Rob Schneider played a few times. Imagine him in a cameo here. He’ll have to wait for another music video artist, and a pandemic, to have his cameo…
“Stermp” had to be an Anderson contribution. John Mulaney (IIRC) said in some interview that Anderson would throw in odd word pronunciations like “Give me a Perpsi (Pepsi)” etc. during re-writes.
I feel like I need a screensaver that’s just a collage of Kenan Reacting screenshots. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if this already exists.
Forgot to mention this earlier but there’s a fun little SNL Easter egg in the Shana sketch. You can see the paper advertising juggling lessons from Juggling Flyer on the cork board in the background.
Another good show from Year 34, though I was initially concerned by the lack of live content. It took me awhile to come around to “Jizz in My Pants.” My fellow ISU alum John Malkovich was solid as always, and it was nice to see the writers finally throwing a bone (sort of ) to Abby and Mike. (I’d reference my original review more, but it’s riddled with typos and formatting errors, and my login doesn’t work anymore.)
Next week is Kayne’s live meltdown!
The Pet Shop Boys parody was definitely intentional. Not just their usual patter-style singing, but the clothes in the video are all 1980s club fashion.
When I watched this episode live, I was impressed at how accurately they were rigging on something from twenty years earlier.
I mainly remember John Malkovich’s monologue with those kids and that “New Girl” sketch with Kristen’s doing that sexy-but-also-gross character. Both were good segments.
For those keeping score, I pinpointed my “Wiig-Glut-hate” in this period (just starting) on the Shana sketches. Just found them overwrought (I think I’m using that word) right and the same old beats.
Also, I warmed up to the Gilly sketches and the second “Thomas” sketch during this era…
So just a fun fact here, the guy Fred was playing in the Gas Right commercial, Bruce Johnson, is a real person from the Breathe Right company. You can find the commercial on YouTube and the sketch is very specifically based on it. And say what you will about Fred at this point of his tenure, if you watch the video, the real Bruce Johnson legitimately sounds and acts like a Fred Armisen character, and he was essentially asking to be impersonated by Fred.