Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars
ON THE RECORD W/ GRETA VAN SUSTEREN
Fox News pundits don’t want Don’t Ask Don’t Tell to end
— I see they’re repeating the EXACT SAME joke from the first installment of this sketch where Fred played a panelist who kept getting ignored and cut off, only Bill is now the one playing the constantly-ignored-and-cut-off panelist. A very lazy choice to repeat that in tonight’s installment.
— Abby’s Attractive Blonde Lady character and her irrelevant points are a good spoof of Fox News’ reputation for hiring certain blonde women as on-air personalities just for eye candy.
— Like last time, I’m enjoying Jason’s Glenn Beck segment, even if I felt this one ended too abruptly.
— They even repeat the joke with Kristen’s Greta Van Susteren switching from talking out of one corner mouth to the other.
STARS: **½
MONOLOGUE
host struggles to remain mature upon seeing a bunch of awesome things
— I like how we’re shown a clip of Ashton Kutcher’s unique monologue entrance from his season 28 hosting stint.
— A decent conceit with Ashton forcing himself to refrain from having an excited reaction when seeing fun, crazy things happening in the studio.
— The whole Stormtrooper/Superman/Mark Twain bit towards the end is solid.
STARS: ***½
GERTRUDE’S WILL
gold-digging pool boy (host) got only venereal disease from an old lady
— The visual of Bobby in that wig and glasses in the initial cutaway to him is making me laugh.
— I got a cheap laugh from Bill’s line about the old lady “dying doing what she loved best: receiving oral sex from you.”
— Funny reveal to Ashton that the old lady had chlamydia.
— I got a big laugh from Ashton explaining he didn’t use protection when having sex with the old lady because “she was 110! What was she gonna do, give birth to a ghost?!?”
— Another funny line from Bill, about how the old lady gave Ashton STDs so old, they have racist names.
STARS: ***½
THE VIEW
Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, the Oscars, Mel Gibson (host) are mooted
— There goes those trademark unfunny formulaic rants from Kristen’s Elisabeth Hasselbeck.
— I liked Kenan-as-Whoopi’s line, regarding Don’t Ask Don’t Tell: “Personally, I don’t have to ask or tell. I just know.”
— Okay, I did get a laugh from Kristen-as-Hasselback’s random “If we don’t get an education…the Chinese win” line.
— Fairly funny story from Nasim’s Barbara Walters about seeing the movie Precious and mistaking it for Avatar.
— What…the…HOLY…FUCK is Ashton going for in his Mel Gibson impression?!? What’s with the gravelly, cracking voice? What is he doing?!?
STARS: **½
CIALIS FOR THREEWAYS
Cialis For Threeways sees to functional & emotional menage a trois needs
— An okay premise.
— Some good lines from the announcer during the various scenes we’re shown.
STARS: ***
SLAVE BOY
in ancient Rome, grape-feeding slave boy (host) preoccupies emperor (WLF)
— Will’s characterization and voice is hilarious.
— A few minutes into this, and Will’s aforementioned characterization and voice are the ONLY things this sketch has going for it. The material itself is doing absolutely nothing for me.
— Ashton’s “grape attack” was kinda funny.
— Weak ending.
STARS: *½
MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Mind Eraser, No Chaser”
WEEKEND UPDATE
just-awakened teen Liam (ANS) talks about dream instead of federal budget
Eliot Spitzer (BIH) presents greeting cards aimed at troubled marriages
Europe’s financial crisis fuels Jean K. Jean’s stand-up comedy material
Garth & Kat clumsily improvise tracks from their Valentine’s Day album
— The comically brief remembrance of the Democratic supermajority’s accomplishments seems like a precursor to a recurring gag from the modern-day Colin Jost/Michael Che era of Update.
— Whether intentional or not (probably not), Andy’s Liam The Teenager Who Just Woke Up character is a little reminiscent of an obscure one-off Update character Adam Sandler once played called Sleepyhead.
— Andy’s commentary is over already? Boy, that commentary sure was dumb, and not the kind of dumb that Andy is usually good at pulling off. (Then again, I didn’t care for Adam Sandler’s aforementioned Sleepyhead bit either, and, much like Andy, Adam was usually good at pulling off dumb humor.)
— Bill’s Eliot Spitzer impression always cracks me up.
— Speaking of cracking up, halfway through this Spitzer commentary, both Bill and Seth have begun giggling their way through it, continuing Bill’s transition from a Hartman/Aykroyd-level stone-faced performer in his earlier seasons to an almost Fallon/Sanz-level easily-breakable performer in his later seasons.
— The “Swallowzer” card Bill’s Spitzer shows at the end of his commentary made me laugh.
— Very funny line from Kenan’s Jean K. Jean about being so poor that, in place of a bidet, he has to use a squirt gun full of Avian.
— Kenan’s delivery in tonight’s Jean K. Jean commentary seems even more fun than usual.
— I love how Seth segues from an edgy sex offender/child molestation joke to saying a lighthearted “Valentine’s Day is approaching, so…” when turning to the other camera to introduce the next guest commentary.
— FOUR guest commentaries tonight?
— Fuuuuuuuuuuck. It’s Garth and Kat.
— I have nothing new to say about the insufferable, endless, self-indulgent comedy poison that tonight’s Garth and Kat commentary is foisting upon us.
STARS: ***
WHAT IS BURN NOTICE?
game show contestants puzzle over USA Network show
— A fairly interesting idea for a game show sketch.
— Jason is perfect here, especially his shrugging-type gestures and facial expressions when revealing something about the popularity of Burn Notice.
— Something about Kristen’s answers remind me of her answers in a then-recent game show sketch, Reel Quotes from this season’s Charles Barkley episode, though her answers in this one thankfully aren’t as annoying or long-winded.
— Some of the guesses about what Burn Notice is are pretty funny, especially Will’s.
— I like Jason’s unsure reaction when a contestant actually gets a correct answer for once.
— What was with the two different, overlapping “What…is…Burn…Notice!” group title readings at the end?
STARS: ***
ACCESS HOLLYWOOD
not all Best Picture nominees are “best” or “pictures”
— Ashton’s Billy Bush, during his sign-on: “I’m Billy Bush, and I will NOT apologize for that!” Little did SNL know at this time in 2010 that there later would be a valid reason to apologize for being Billy Bush.
— With her Anne Hathaway impression here and her Anna Faris impression earlier this season, Abby has now played two of the three female hosts of the entire season that preceded this. (Yes, that’s right, only THREE women hosted in a 22-episode season. Go figure.) I remember kinda wishing back at this time in 2010 that Abby would eventually complete the trifecta by playing the remaining season 34 female host she hadn’t played yet (Rosario Dawson), so Abby could have bragging rights that she’s the ONLY cast member in SNL history to do an on-air impression of every host of one or both genders from a single season. She would end up never playing Rosario Dawson anytime on SNL, though there was an opportunity in the following season’s Scarlett Johansson episode, in which SNL spoofed the movie Unstoppable. Rosario Dawson’s character in that movie was played by Scarlett in the SNL spoof, and I remember thinking “Aww, man, if Abby played that role, she would’ve completed the trifecta!”
— Meh at the joke with more and more movies being added to the listing-off of Best Picture nominees, and how the movies are getting increasingly off-topic.
— I do love the random mention of Bebe’s Kids, of all things, as one of the Best Picture nominees just now.
— I kinda like the ending gag where the listing-off of Best Picture nominees gets to the bizarre point where it’s now started to list off the same (real-life) nominees that it first listed off at the beginning of this sketch.
— No idea what to think about that intentionally annoying, screechy laugh that Nasim keeps doing. Something about it reminds me a little too much of her Kim Kardashian voice.
STARS: **½
AN EVEN-TEMPERED APOLOGY
Rahm Emanuel’s (ANS) ostensibly even-tempered apology is anything but
— A variation of a cut-after-dress-rehearsal Rahm Emanuel sketch from the preceding season’s Tim McGraw episode. That cut sketch was released by NBC online as an “Online Exclusive” shortly after the McGraw episode’s original airing. It follows the exact same format of tonight’s version of the sketch, only the lines themselves are different, as is the real-life controversial statement Andy’s Rahm Emanuel is apologizing for.
— This sketch is pre-taped, and you can tell by the visual look of the sketch, as well as the fact that Andy doesn’t pause for audience laughter at any point. I’m assuming the reason for this sketch being pre-taped is to avoid any mistimings of the bleeping of Andy-as-Emanuel’s frequent expletives.
— Andy-as-Emanuel’s aforementioned bleep-filled tirades are hilarious, well-written, and absolutely perfectly delivered.
— I absolutely love Andy-as-Emanuel’s threat to Sarah Palin that he will write shit on her Facebook wall so obscene, it’ll make her computer cry.
— Andy’s Rahm Emanuel, in a very deadpan, emotionless manner: “In conclusion: boo f(*bleep*)ing hoo. Get over it.”
STARS: ****½
MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “New Fang”
CRISIS OF CONFORMITY
at a wedding reception, former punk band (Dave Grohl), (host) & bride’s father (FRA) play hardcore
— Fun use of Dave Grohl.
— A sketch playing perfectly to Fred’s love of and experience with punk rock. Given how horribly, and I mean HORRIBLY, Fred had been doing on SNL lately, it’s such a breath of fresh air to see him doing something that’s actually funny, entertaining, and plays to his strengths.
— I love Kenan’s non-verbal reaction to getting wine glasses kicked out of the tray he’s holding. Bobby also has a funny non-verbal reaction when the same thing happens to him shortly afterwards.
— Nice save from Ashton when Dave Grohl’s microphone isn’t working.
— Tons of great, wild, violent energy all throughout the punk rock performance, especially from Fred. I cannot say enough good things about him in this sketch.
— I love Jason’s excited delivery of “Yeah, you are! Hell yeah!”
— The ending of this sketch kinda seemed like it got cut off, but I can’t tell. It may have been intentional to end like that.
STARS: ****
GOODNIGHTS
— As soon as the screen crossfades from the Ashton Kutcher SNL bumper to the goodnights, a laughing Jason Sudeikis audibly says “So fuckin’ funny!” to someone, then, when realizing he was on the air when he said that, he can be seen putting his hand over his mouth in shock with an embarrassed smile (the first above screencap for these goodnights – Jason’s the one in the blue hoodie right behind Ashton), then he immediately walks out of the shot (somewhat).
IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A better episode than I had remembered, though still nothing special as a whole. Extremely average and pretty forgettable, but it did end on a strong note with the final two sketches.
MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS
RATED SEGMENTS RANKED FROM BEST TO WORST
An Even-Tempered Apology
Crisis Of Conformity
Gertrude’s Will
Monologue
What Is Burn Notice?
Weekend Update
Cialis For Threeways
Access Hollywood
On The Record w/ Greta Van Susteren
The View
Slave Boy
HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Jon Hamm)
a big step down
My full set of screencaps for this episode is here
TOMORROW
Jennifer Lopez