January 7, 2012 – Charles Barkley / Kelly Clarkson (S37 E11)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

A MESSAGE FROM RICK SANTORUM
Rick Santorum (ANS) vows to bravely campaign in every county in the USA

— I’m currently two-and-a-half minutes into this, and I’m very bored. The dialogue from Andy’s Rick Santorum is a snoozefest. Typical overly-talky, dry-without-actually-being-funny writing from Jim Downey in his later, past-his-prime years. I don’t know why SNL, in this era, constantly thinks it’s a good idea to open the show with a dull cold opening that deals with one politician dryly speaking straight to the camera, with barely any (if any at all) actual amusing dialogue.
— I also don’t like how Andy changed his portrayal of Santorum. Prior to this, he always portrayed Santorum as panicky. That angle was working much better than the straitlaced, non-comedic way he’s portraying Santorum in tonight’s cold opening.
— A cheap attempt at a laugh with Andy-as-Santorum’s line about San Francisco being home to thousands of “angry pillow-biters and donut-bumpers”, though I know that’s just a dig at the real Rick Santorum’s homophobic views.
STARS: *½

MONOLOGUE
host is endorsing female-skewing brands like Weight Watchers & Ann Taylor

— Charles Barkley noticeably looking more lean here than he usually is in these years, as this is during his Weight Watchers stint, which he eventually mentions in this monologue.
— The usual laughs from Charles’ inherently-funny monotone, deadpan delivery, even with his constant stumbles over words.
— Funny ending with how Charles’ mention that the audience looks like turkey legs to him in his hungry state carries over into the “(insert musical guest’s name here) is here” tagline that SNL monologues typically end with. The monologue from Charles’ season 35 episode also ended with him changing up the usual monologue tagline.
STARS: ***½

CHANTIX
Chantix side effects make smoker (KRW) think about killing husband (BIH)

— A lot of very funny unsettling disclaimers of dangerous side-effects from the Chantix medication. Also some great worried, shifty-eyed looks from Kristen and Bill in response to those disclaimers.
— Good sequence with Kristen displaying each of the symptoms (e.g. droopy lip, Robert DeNiro face) in rapid succession.
— No idea who the woman is that’s doing the voice-over of this commercial (it doesn’t sound like Paula Pell, who’s done a number of voice-overs during these years), but she’s great, and she’s adding a lot to the humor here.
— A great ending tagline to this commercial: “Chantix: Just keep smoking”.
STARS: ****

INSIDE THE NBA
Charles Barkley (KET) & Shaquille O’Neal (host) goof off

 

— The mere visual of Charles as a thick-bearded, stone-faced, emotionless Shaq is hilarious, made even funnier by his simplistic dialogue.
— An accurate and funny spoof of the fun banter that typically occurs on the real Inside The NBA.
— When Charles as Shaq suddenly starts doing a Nostradamus bit, complete with a wizard hat and crystal ball, I love Bill’s Ernie Johnson asking, in an annoyed manner, “Who’s giving him all these props?!?”
— Charles as Shaq, during his Nostradamus bit: “I will predict…that Charles Barkley gonna be fat again.” As we know now, that actually ended up being an accurate prediction.
— Great comeback from Kenan’s Charles Barkley to Charles as Shaq: “Yeah, well, I’d rather be in Free Willy 2 than Kazaam 1.”
— A good laugh from Bill’s Ernie Johnson happily saying, in regards to him and his co-hosts, “We’re all black friends!” I remember someone on the now-defunct saturday-night-live.com message board had a theory that the other performers in this sketch weren’t expecting that line, because it causes them all (including Bill himself eventually) to break.
STARS: ***½

WHITE PEOPLE PROBLEMS
host shakes his head at complaining Caucasians

— A funny unexpected reveal of the “White People Problems” title of the show, after the serious, straitlaced beginning.
— Something about the approach to this sketch’s humor feels kinda cliched, but it’s coming off passable enough.
— Charles: “To those of you at home, ‘awkward’ is a white people word that can be applied to every situation.”
— Charles has some good lines to the WASP-y couple played by Kristen and Taran.
— I didn’t like the ending.
STARS: ***

ESPN BOWL MADNESS
corporate sponsors present oddball college football bowl games on ESPN

— The escalation to the odd brand/bowl name combos is reminiscent of that great Chicken Of The Sea/DynaCorp sketch from the season 29 Jessica Simpson & Nick Lachey episode, only nowhere near as clever. This is still decent enough, thanks to the amusing nature of the increasingly random brand/bowl name combos.
STARS: ***

JOANN’S ANNOUNCEMENT
(host)’s fiance (PAB) & friends find it hard to believe she’s a lesbian

— The fact that it’s the inherently-funny-and-deadpan Charles Barkley in drag makes it more tolerable than the typical hacky “man in drag” trope.
— I like the randomness of Charles telling Kristen they’ve known each other for 200 days.
— Even more funny randomness, with Paul suddenly popping up from behind the couch in a casual manner, which none of the characters treat as odd.
— Great to see Paul in the spotlight here.
— The incongruous pairing of the tiny Paul Brittain and the huge Charles Barkley is very amusing.
— The oddball approach this whole sketch is taking is a little hard to figure, even for my oddball humor-loving self, but it’s still working well for me, especially with how all the silliness is being played so straight.
STARS: ***½

CHARLES BARKLEY POST GAME TRANSLATOR APP
host’s translator app reveals coaches’ & players’ true thoughts

— Tonight’s episode continues to get good mileage out of Charles’s inherently-funny personality, as this commercial is a great concept for him.
— I particularly love Charles’ translation for Dwyane Wade’s talk about Miami Heat’s famous “YES. WE. DID.” celebration: “I should shut my damn mouth. We haven’t actually won ANYTHING yet.”
— Good self-deprecating turn with Charles translating an old post-game clip of himself from the 90s.
STARS: ****

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Stronger”

WEEKEND UPDATE
with her presidential bid ended, Michele Bachmann (KRW) can finally blink

a series of disclaimers precedes Nicholas Fehn’s planned critique of SEM

Drunk Uncle’s chosen New Year’s resolution is to lament cultural change

— Hmm, I strangely have no memory of Kristen ever doing an Update commentary as Michele Bachmann.
— I’m currently about a minute-and-a-half into Kristen’s Bachmann commentary, and yeah, none of this is ringing a bell for me so far. I can see why, though. The material that Kristen’s been given here is a whole lot of nothing. Centering most of an Update commentary on Bachmann being relieved to be able to blink again after her presidential bid is too thin a concept, and Kristen’s execution of it isn’t elevating it for me.
— I did get a laugh just now from Kristen-as-Bachmann’s final line, but otherwise, her overall commentary was pure “Meh”.
— Whoa, Nicholas Fehn making his first appearance in a long time. I forgot all about this character until now. He hasn’t appeared since 2009.
— Blah, even with the long hiatus, it turns out that I’m still burned out on Nicholas Fehn’s same-old same-old shtick, thanks to how quickly SNL previously ran it into the ground with Fehn’s way-too-frequent appearances back in 2008. I’m finding myself not having the ability to even so much as chuckle at Fehn’s typical routine tonight. His typical routine also feels a little out-of-place in a 2012 episode, for some reason.
— Quickly checking SNL Archives right now, I see this ends up being the final Nicholas Fehn appearance. Thank god.
— Drunk Uncle has officially become recurring.
— So far tonight, Drunk Uncle is coming off as hilarious as he did last time.
— Solid little bit regarding Drunk Uncle’s incorrect attempt to light a cigarette.
— I like the little detail of Drunk Uncle calling Seth “Amy” at one point while repeatedly asking him “Pull my finger.”
STARS: ***

LORD WYNDEMERE
Cecil’s girlfriend’s father (JAS) prefers impish frolics to football game

— The second and final appearance of this sketch.
— Paul has gotten TWO big roles tonight, continuing the slow-but-sure progress he’s been showing lately. Unfortunately, that’s very bittersweet in hindsight, given the fact that these end up being Paul’s final two big roles on SNL. He has only one episode remaining (and, IIRC, he has no big roles in it) before he suffers a similar fate to Jeff Richards.
— Good continuity with Jason’s character already being familiar with Lord Wyndemere after having met him in the previous installment of this sketch. Most recurring sketches in this era annoyingly lack this type of continuity, and instead feature stuff like each installment having their straight man characters act like they’ve never been through the oddness they’re experiencing from the lead character, despite the fact that EVERY SINGLE INSTALLMENT of that particular recurring sketch features those exact same straight man characters going through that exact experience (e.g. Andy’s Blizzard Man sketches, Kristen’s Sexy Shana sketches).
— Hilarious visual of Jason playfully chasing Lord Wyndemere around the room in an attempt to pinch his bottom so he’ll tell the riddle he promised.
— A nice change of pace with Charles being just as into Lord Wyndemere’s antics as Jason is, unlike the other straight man characters in this sketch.
— The visual of Charles happily carrying Lord Wyndemere in his arms is both funny and very charming. Tonight’s episode continues to get great mileage out of the huge size difference between Paul and Charles.
— Overall, even better than the first installment of this sketch. This was perfect, and was also a great unintentional swan song for Paul, which leaves us sadly wondering what could’ve been had his SNL tenure continued after the following episode.
STARS: *****

THE 17TH ANNUAL ADULT VIDEO AWARDS
In Memoriam reel at Adult Video Awards honors deceased porn practitioners

— Very funny sleazy line from Bobby’s Ron Jeremy about measuring “from the nuts”.
— The In Memoriam porn montage is getting increasingly hilarious, with great bits such as a photo of Seth(!) as a glory hole designer, a chronological video montage showing Nasim as a long-time pornstar working in porn from when she was young to when she was very elderly, a photo of a frowning Kenan as a clean-up crew member, and the whole porn scene with Charles in the woods (his facial expressions are priceless).
STARS: ****

CONVOLUTED JERRY
Convoluted Jerry’s (ANS) album contains songs with complicated syntax

— Boy, this short is just plain BAD so far, making this yet another example of how the magic of the Digital Shorts is sadly gone this season (with a few exceptions, of course) with the lack of involvement from Jorma and/or Akiva.
— Not even the Inception part (“It was a dream inside a dream inside a dream!”) could get a laugh out of me.
— Marvin “Gay” Jackson. I hate myself for chuckling at that name, but hey, at least SOMETHING in this short finally got a chuckle out of me.
— Leave it to Charles Barkley to provide what I consider to be the only actual legitimately funny moment of this entire short: him responding to Andy’s ghetto-glorifying song by asking him a taken-aback “Maaan, what the f(*bleep*)k are you talkin’ about?!?”
STARS: *½

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Mr. Know It All”

THE MAYAN CALENDAR
Mayan chief (host) takes issue with work of calendar makers (FRA) & (BIH)

— I like how the first SNL episode of the year 2012 is doing a historical sketch based on the Mayan calendar, given the well-known ancient Mayan apocalypse prediction.
— The humor here so far is rather mild, but there are some laughs from the low-key comedy. There’s a bit too much of a dead atmosphere to this, though.
— Didn’t care too much for the “talking calendar” ending, but I kinda liked the wiseass voice Paul used as the talking calendar.
STARS: **½

GOODNIGHTS

— A very classy, sweet, and amusing way that Charles gives the SNL cast their props for all their hard work.

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IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A mostly good episode. The quality ranged from decent to great for almost the entire show, minus the dull-as-hell cold opening and the drop in quality during the last 15 minutes. Charles Barkley continues to be a strangely reliable host, and by this point, the show seems to have fully realized all the right ways to utilize his distinct personality. I like how it seemed to be becoming a tradition around this time for Charles to host the first episode of a calendar year every two years (2010, 2012). Unfortunately, that tradition stops after this episode, and we don’t see Charles host again until years later in a March episode from 2018 (and, for some reason, I’m having a very hard time remembering most of that episode’s content, but that might be because, back at that time in early 2018, I was growing increasingly checked-out during my viewing of new SNL episodes, due to my dissatisfaction with SNL’s then-current quality, which would eventually lead me to flat-out go on a hiatus from watching new episodes starting in December of that year, a hiatus that’s still ongoing.)

MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS

RATED SEGMENTS RANKED FROM BEST TO WORST
Lord Wyndemere
Chantix
The 17th Annual Adult Video Awards
Charles Barkley Post Game Translator App
Inside The NBA
Monologue
Joann’s Announcement
ESPN Bowl Madness
White People Problems
Weekend Update
The Mayan Calendar
Convoluted Jerry
A Message From Rick Santorum

HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Jimmy Fallon)
a mild step down

My full set of screencaps for this episode is here

TOMORROW
Daniel Radcliffe hosts. It’s also the abrupt end of Paul Brittain’s SNL tenure, after only one-and-a-half seasons as a featured player.