Author: Stooge

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April 3, 2004 – Donald Trump / Toots and the Maytals (S29 E16)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

THE APPRENTICE
host fires JIF a la The Apprentice; George Ross & Carolyn Kepcher cameos

— Geez, we get Trump appearing right out of the gate tonight, without me even getting to enjoy the first few minutes before he inevitably takes over the show. Boy, this is going to be a LOOOOOOONNNNNG episode, isn’t it?
— I will say that Trump looks “normal” here compared to how he looks today.
— I got a good laugh from George (Trump’s male assistant/board member/whatever) responding “I thought it sucked!” when asked how he felt about dress rehearsal.
— I did get one laugh from Trump just now (I’ll keep count of how many laughs I’ll get from him tonight, which I highly doubt will come anywhere close to approaching the double digits) when he points to Jimmy and says, in regards to Jimmy’s performance at dress rehearsal, “This idiot was laughing the whole time”, which is made even funnier by the camera then cutting to a close-up of Jimmy stifling his laughter as usual.
— Finesse: “First of all, nobody’s firing me, because there’s only four black people on NBC: me, Kenan, Kwame, and Whoopi.” Funny line, but I doubt a lot of people watching this cold opening years later have any idea who Kwame is (a then-current contestant on The Apprentice) nor are aware that Whoopi Goldberg had a short-lived NBC sitcom at the time. Wasn’t Tracy Morgan’s short-lived NBC sitcom still on its last legs around this point? Finesse should’ve included him as a fifth black person on NBC.
— A very funny Frasier promo shown during a mid-sketch fake commercial break. Reminds me of that brilliant “Last Chance Tuesdays” promo that SNL did in the middle of a Bachelor sketch from the preceding season’s Eric McCormack episode. I wonder if both mid-sketch promos were written by the same person.
— Good walk-on from Lorne.
— Lorne, while on a firing spree: “Finesse, go get Parnell.” Ooh, I do NOT like that implication that Lorne’s about to fire Parnell. Sure, it’s only a comedic line in this sketch, but come on, SNL. You already fired the man once before (very undeservedly so), and making a “humorous” passing mention in a sketch of firing him again just feels cruel.
— I like how this Apprentice parody is even going to the extent of showing Jimmy’s “exit interview” in the back of a taxi after SNL fires him.
— A few awkward pauses from Trump here and there throughout this cold opening.
STARS: ***


OPENING MONTAGE
— A Cartoon By Robert Smigel is credited in this montage, but no cartoon ends up airing tonight, as the show presumably runs long. The cartoon was going to be about tonight’s host, Donald Trump.


MONOLOGUE
host’s stand-in DAH practices “You’re Fired”; Jeff Zucker (JIF) pitches

— Oh, god. Cue the shameless Trump bragfest about how “great” he is and how The Apprentice is currently the #1 show on TV. This smug bragfest is fucking TORTURE to sit through.
— Darrell appearing as a Trump stand-in alongside the real Trump isn’t saving this monologue like I want it to, though it’s a gag that SNL would later repeat in Trump’s season 41 monologue, only with Taran Killam added in as a third Trump.
— Blah, the fake NBC shows Jimmy’s Jeff Zucker is plugging are all over-relying on hacky gay jokes, which is sadly typical for this SNL era.
— Overall, not a single laugh from me during this entire monologue.
STARS: *


FEAR FACTOR JUNIOR
Joe Rogan (FRA) traumatizes youngsters on reality TV

— Very funny concept of little kids cruelly being made to perform the type of stunts adults typically perform on Fear Factor.
— Fred is great as Joe Rogan.
— In a scene where one kid is told his parents will get a divorce if he doesn’t complete his challenge, one of his parents is played by future cast member Rob Riggle (screencap below).

STARS: ****


LIVE WITH REGIS & KELLY
host unabashedly promotes himself

— Solid bit with Amy’s Kelly Ripa currently taping various shows on different cameras.
— WTF? Gelman played by Dratch??? While I’m happy not to have to see YET ANOTHER Chris Kattan cameo this season (then again, just wait until the following episode…), having Rachel take over the Gelman impression is just… odd. And not funny. SNL needs to just drop the Gelman parts of these sketches. They’ve never been anything but a whole bunch of hacky, lazy-ass gay jokes that, as I said earlier, are way too overused in this SNL era.
— The usual fun chemistry from Darrell and Amy, including a big character break from Darrell when Amy keeps grabbing onto him at one point.
— Ugh, cue YET ANOTHER shameless Trump bragfest tonight, with the added “bonus” of Darrell’s Regis kissing his ass over how amazing he is. Fucking kill me.
— Double ugh at Trump’s sleazy-ass comments about Amy-as-Kelly-Ripa’s body.
— Overall, despite the usual fun from Darrell and Amy in these Regis & Kelly sketches, all the awful Trump stuff killed this sketch dead. The Gelman crap with Rachel only helped to make things even worse.
STARS: *½


VIP SEATS
Star Jones (KET) corrals host & claims to know who will be The Apprentice

— Kenan In A Dress alert.
— Between Kenan in yet another drag role, Trump being Trump, and lots of hacky and lazy-ass fat jokes about Star Jones, there is NOTHING to like here so far.
— Okay, Kenan got a great laugh from me at the very end of this sketch, with him suddenly grabbing an NBC page by the arm and telling her, in a deep, loud, intimidating voice, “GIMME A PELLEGRINO!” That was reminiscent of a very famous SNL moment with Chris Farley in a Gap Girls sketch (“LAY OFF ME, I’M STARVING!”).
STARS: *½


DONALD TRUMP’S HOUSE OF WINGS
David Crosby (HOS) endorses host’s chicken eatery

— Another in the series of “non-actor host does a commercial promoting their fictional restaurant” sketches.
— I remember when I watched this episode back when it originally aired in 2004, I disliked the musical numbers of this sketch (I couldn’t stand these “non-actor host does a commercial promoting their fictional restaurant” sketches back then) while loving Trump’s goofy dancing and facial expressions during said musical numbers. Cut to 16 years later, I now feel the exact opposite about this sketch, where I like the musical numbers but can’t even muster up so much as a chuckle at Trump’s goofy dancing and facial expressions during the musical numbers.
— Why the hell does Trump sound like he’s yelling all of his lines, as if he thinks he’s not mic’ed?
— An actual funny walk-on from Horatio as David Crosby.
— At the end of this sketch, they actually reference the previous two “non-actor host does a commercial promoting their fictional restaurant” sketches in a map at the end (screencap below), which was a nice touch.

STARS: **½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest, Ben Harper & Jack Johnson [real] perform “Pressure Drop”


WEEKEND TRUMP DATE
newscast’s garishness makes TIF uncomfortable

— Hmm, interesting deviation from the usual Weekend Update.
— Jimmy and Tina end up immediately giving up on this idea, and decide to go back to the regular Weekend Update. Ehh, probably for the best, as this revamped Update was starting to come off too Trump-centric for my likes. Still, this was an interesting brief bit, as I’m always a sucker for when SNL breaks format.
STARS: N/A (not a rateable segment, but then again, I’m stretching things by counting this as a separate segment from the regular Weekend Update)


WEEKEND UPDATE
many objects hit indignant Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth (MAR) on the head

— Feels kinda fitting seeing an Update joke about Jason Patric during an SNL episode with a difficult, notorious host, considering the infamy Patric has as an SNL host himself (though as far as I know, Patric wasn’t difficult behind the scenes at the show).
— Jimmy is far more amused at this a-whole-bunch-of-things-falling-on-Omarosa’s-head bit than either I or the audience are (though the audience is fairly amused). This bit is just plain stupid and annoying to me. I’m aware of the Apprentice incident it’s spoofing and I remember a lot of online SNL fans in 2004 loving this spoof, but the spoof is unfunny to me, is going on WAAAAYYYY too long, and is encouraging lots of bad mugging from Maya.
STARS: **½


THE PRINCE AND THE PAUPER
update of The Prince & The Pauper has Donald Trump (DAH) & janitor (host)

— Another sketch tonight pairing Darrell’s Trump with the real deal, this time with the real Trump playing a mustached janitor.
— When this sketch originally aired in 2004, I remember how funny I found Trump’s line where he makes fun of his own hair (“My hair’s supposed to look like this – I’m a janitor”), but, much like his goofy dancing in the House Of Wings sketch earlier tonight, I now find myself not even being able to so much as chuckle at the line now. The Trump-makes-me-laugh-tonight count remains a measly 1.
— A very dull sketch so far.
— A pretty funny meta bit with Maya as the narrator intentionally and awkwardly vamping to give Darrell and Trump time to switch costumes off-camera.
STARS: *½


FATHERS AND SONS
(host)’s son (SEM) envies bond between (JIF) & dad (HOS)

— The first (and only) time all night where Trump plays a character that has nothing to do with himself, though of course, he plays this role like himself anyway.
— Trump’s delivery is killing any potential humor during the tense father & son exchanges between him and Seth.
— Oh, no. Another Fallon & Sanz pairing.
— Aaaaaaaand there goes our obligatory Fallon & Sanz breaking. What the holy fuck are they even laughing at here? Unlike most of their other character breaks, nothing appeared to provoke their character break in this sketch. Are they aware of how much this sketch has been falling flat, and are intentionally breaking to “save” the sketch (which is basically the premise of the “That’s When You Break” digital short SNL would later do, which I think even shows a clip from this sketch during one of the “And here’s another one from Fallon & Sanz” lyrics)?
— Jesus Christ, even for a Fallon & Sanz character-breaking moment, they are laughing PARTICULARLY hard in this, and it’s completely taken over the rest of this sketch. Jimmy and Horatio both pretty much just gave up on this sketch, and are laughing so hard that their faces are turning red, almost to the degree where they look like they’re going to die laughing. It sure would be nice of them to let us in on what the hell they’re laughing so hard at.
— As much as I hate to compare myself to Trump in any way, his demeanor during the endless Fallon/Sanz gigglefest, in which he’s aloofly staring off-camera with a bored, miserable look on his face while resting his fingers on his temple and looks like he’s thinking to himself “Ohhh, these two giggling idiots…”, mirrors EXACTLY how I look during this sketch.
— Seth at least makes a funny ad-lib just now, during the endless Fallon/Sanz gigglefest when both performers are supposed to be crying: “They’re so sad, they’re happy.” I remember a fellow SNL reviewer from back at this time in 2004 having a theory that Seth had that ad-libbed line prepared in his head way in advance, because he probably knew Jimmy and Horatio would break during their crying scene.
— While Jimmy and Horatio are still in the middle of their endless laughing, Horatio takes the time to point to something on a newspaper on the table in front of him (screencap below), which then makes both him and Jimmy laugh EVEN HARDER.

Now I can’t help but wonder what in the world Horatio pointed to on that newspaper, and why it contributed to him and Jimmy laughing non-stop like jackass hyenas on acid.
STARS: *


9/11 HEARINGS
prophetic Richard Clarke (DAH) testifies to his myriad unheeded warnings

— (*sigh*) I’m three minutes into this, and this sketch has been droning on and on with typical dull and unfunny 2000s-era-Jim-Downey-written dialogue that gets little-to-no reaction from neither the audience nor me.
— Are these VERY sporadic cutaways to stock footage of real senators at a hearing even supposed to be funny? SNL’s not even fully committing to this aspect of the sketch, like they usually do in State Of The Union sketches.
— Oh, god, now this is just getting desperate and juvenile, with Darrell’s Richard Clarke claiming Dick Cheney “touched me inappropriately”. Just plain dumb.
— Poor Chris Parnell is JUST NOW making his first and only appearance of the whole night here, and he’s just playing a small, bland, forgettable straight role that’s a complete waste of him. This only makes that joking implication earlier tonight about Lorne firing Chris a second time come off even more unfortunate. Chris’ airtime has gotten pretty damn bad these past few episodes, with him being stuck in featured player-level roles like the “Are we goin’ to the Baywatch?” guy who only gets shown from the back in the Gigli sketch from the Ben Affleck episode.
— Speaking of underappreciated cast members getting screwed in this episode, the great Will Forte is NOWHERE to be seen in this entire episode. A real bummer.
— This sketch is BRUTAL. Just end this already, and tell Jim Downey to get back the sense of humor he used to consistently have.
STARS: *


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest, Bootsy Collins & The Roots [real] perform “Funky Kingston”


APPRENTICE BAND
band comprising host & Apprentice co-stars rehearses “She’s Got Class”

— A second Apprentice sketch tonight? Well, at least SNL’s getting their money’s worth out of that set tonight.
— Oh, no. I do not like the looks of where this is headed, with musical instruments being revealed behind a hidden wall in the Apprentice office.
— Ugh, in typical Trump fashion, he breaks the fourth wall in an unscripted manner by smugly milking audience applause from his obvious miming of somebody else’s keyboard playing.
— No, no, no! What is this sketch throwing at me? Trump and his two Apprentice assistants/board members/whatever playing instruments and, ahem, “singing”? What did I do to deserve sitting through this? This feels like some self-indulgent bullshit that Trump probably fought to get on the air.
— What is this sketch even going for? This clearly isn’t a funny sketch. If it is trying to be funny, it’s failing. If it’s trying to be a slice-of-life sketch, it’s failing. If it’s trying to be just a fun AND entertaining musical number, it’s doubly failing.
— This feels like a precursor to a PARTICULARLY wretched and widely hated sketch from Trump’s second hosting stint years later in 2015, where he plays a laser harp instrument in a band.
— Now Maya joins in on the musical number, singing in an extremely goofy, exaggerated voice. Jesus Christ, just end this episode already. I’ve had more than enough.
STARS: *


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— (*sigh*) Well, that was… just as rough to get through as I was afraid it would be. I know Donald Trump’s 2015 episode is far more controversial and is widely considered by many SNL fans to be an absolute disaster, but my god, in terms of episode quality, tonight’s episode has to be right behind that 2015 episode. While this episode may have been controversy-free at the time, it does not hold up well AT ALL nowadays, for obvious reasons. Even if I look at Trump through pure, non-judgmental eyes, he was comedy poison in this episode (as I said earlier, my only laugh from him all night came from his “This idiot was laughing the whole time” line in the cold opening), basically sleepwalking through the episode with an unlikable, arrogant demeanor while having SNL stroke his ego for almost the entire 90 minutes. Absolutely unwatchable. And it wasn’t even just the Trump-centric stuff in this episode that I hated. As the interminable and boring 9/11 Hearings sketch, the idiotic and endless Fallon/Sanz breaking in the Fathers And Sons sketch, and the overlong and dumb Omarosa bit on Weekend Update all showed, this episode had quite a number of non-Trump stuff for me to get frustrated by. There were only TWO segments all night that I gave a passing rating to (the cold opening and Fear Factor Junior). Other than that, this episode has got to have one of the top 10 lowest rating averages of this entire SNL project of mine.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Ben Affleck)
one of the biggest step downs imaginable


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Janet Jackson

Posted on

March 13, 2004 – Ben Affleck / N.E.R.D. (S29 E15)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

DONNIE’S WEDDING
Sully & Denise attend Donnie Bartolotti’s same-sex marriage ceremony

— The final Boston Teens sketch during Jimmy’s tenure as a cast member. Interesting seeing these characters starring in a cold opening for a change, which also serves as a nice deviation from the usual political cold openings.
— Great to see Ben Affleck reprising his Donnie Bartolotti character.
— Interesting reveal of Donnie Bartolotti getting married to a man, which was very timely for this period.
— I’m watching the rerun version of this episode, which uses the dress rehearsal version of this cold opening. In this dress version, whenever the camera pans over to Sully and Denise’s reactions to finding out Donnie’s getting married to a man, Jimmy is seen genuinely cracking up for no apparent reason as usual (the fifth above screencap for this sketch), as opposed to the live version of this cold opening, in which Jimmy keeps a straight face.
— Unfortunately, with this being a gay marriage sketch in this SNL era, we have our obligatory instance of SNL presenting a man-on-man kiss as something that’s “shocking” and “hilarious”.
— Speaking of the kiss, I recall how, in the live version of this, Seth’s hand can unintentionally be seen blocking his and Ben’s lips the second time they kiss in this. Perhaps that’s why SNL uses the dress rehearsal version of this cold opening in reruns.
— A good laugh from Sully complaining to Denise that he’s always begged her for the same kind of love that Donnie and his groom have, but “you never let me try it, not even once!”
— Ugh, in typical Horatio Sanz fashion, he botches his scene, pauses awkwardly for a very long time before delivering one particular line, and cracks up at himself when exiting the shot (the last above screencap for this sketch). Jesus Christ. No words can express my annoyance towards this guy by this point of his SNL tenure. Then again, this is the dress rehearsal version I’m watching of this cold opening, so maybe I should cut Horatio a little slack this time, as performers are usually more “loose” at dress rehearsal than in the live show. I don’t remember him botching his scene in the live version of this cold opening.
— I like the callback to the odd names of all of Sully and Donnie’s buddies, which were previously mentioned in the Boston Teens sketch from the Ben Affleck-hosted episode in season 25.
STARS: ***


MONOLOGUE
having missed out on marketing “Bennifer,” host won’t get burned again

— As usual, Ben is showing himself to be a great sport about his personal life.
— A lot of laughs from the variations of the “Bennifer” portmanteau.
— Great little mention of Matt Damon at the end.
— Nice to see that this is a real monologue, with no involvement from the cast or anyone else.
STARS: ****


Z105
Joey Mack is reunited with his character-stealing former partner (host)

— We’re already getting a lot of Jimmy Fallon recurring sketches so far tonight.
— Ben’s doing a great and funny job doing a knock-off of Joey Mack’s various morning crew voices.
— I love Ben denying the similarities his Rajneesh character has to Joey Mack’s Sanji character by telling Joey “Dude, Sanji and Rajneesh are from different villages.”
— Very fun voice showdown between Ben and Joey Mack, and the audience particularly loves when it gets to the point where both guys are doing their voices simultaneously.
— I can excuse Jimmy’s constant breaking here, as I usually enjoy the fun chemistry he and Ben have in sketches.
— Of course, you know I personally loved the Three Stooges reference at the end.
— Overall, easily the best of the Z105 sketches I’ve reviewed so far.
STARS: ****


GIGLI
mentally-challenged (FRA) points out Gigli faults to host during filming

— I like how the audience laughs as soon as it’s revealed at the very beginning that this is the filming of Ben’s notorious movie Gigli.
— It feels kinda wrong to laugh at Fred’s portrayal of a mentally challenged character, but dammit, Fred is so perfect in this, and he is killing in this sketch. The fact that his mentally challenged character is actually the wisest character of the sketch also helps alleviate any troublesome aspects.
— The material in this sketch is fantastic.
— Even the way Chris keeps asking “A-are we goin’ to the Baywatch?” in that mentally challenged voice is strangely amusing. It feels like a huge waste of Chris, though, to use him in a role where he’s mostly only shown from the back and barely says anything.
— Ben is visibly and genuinely very amused during his interactions with Fred’s Frondi, but Ben just has a likable charm that makes it excusable. It also helps that we obviously don’t have to deal with seeing him break on a weekly basis on SNL, unlike Jimmy or Horatio.
— Amy: “Oh my god, Ben Affleck just yelled at that mentally challenged guy!”
STARS: *****


TV FUNHOUSE
by RBS- The Passion Of The Dumpty excerpts & George W. Bush campaign ads

— Hilarious concept for a Passion Of The Christ parody.
— The President Bush election ads that this cartoon keeps occasionally cutting to are funny, but I don’t understand what they have to do with the rest of this cartoon. They feel like too much of a non-sequitur, and are kinda bringing this down for me, as I’d rather this just focus on the Humpty Dumpty portions.
STARS: ***


APPALACHIAN EMERGENCY ROOM
yokels suffer additional unusual ailments

— Amy always kills me with her character in these sketches.
— Finesse’s character wasn’t anything special overall.
— Much like Amy, Chris is another cast member who always kills with his character in these sketches.
— Pretty funny scene involving Ben with a ferret biting his crotch. I’ll just ignore the questionable logic of how Ben’s character was able to fully put on shorts if he was nude when the ferret bit into his crotch.
— I like the little detail of Ben having named his ferret Ferrets Bueller.
— A lot of people seem to hate these sketches. I myself didn’t care much for these sketches back when they originally aired, but I’ve been coming around on them on these re-watches. Some decent amusing silliness in these.
STARS: ***


ONLY BANGKOK
(SEM) is glad “what happens in Thailand, stays in Thailand”

— A very funny “What happens in Thailand” reveal at the end, after the grim situation we see involving Seth and a dead hooker.
STARS: ***½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “She Wants To Move”


WEEKEND UPDATE
FIM responds in kind to nasty letters written by bill collectors

Diana Ross (MAR) will again try to serve 48 consecutive hours in jail

George W. Bush & John Kerry volleys leave Bill Clinton (DAH) unimpressed

— Tonight’s audience has been so lively that you can even hear them cheer very early on during the opening title sequence of tonight’s Update, which is noteworthy because audiences usually cheer when the Update opening title sequence is about to end.
— Finesse’s overall stand-up commentary was actually good. Much better than the last stand-up commentary he did on Update in this season’s premiere.
— Ugh, another Diana Ross commentary from Maya. Wasn’t the last one she did a few episodes ago annoying enough?
— An overall mercifully short Diana Ross commentary, but still didn’t really make me laugh.
— WTF? A Darrell-as-Bill-Clinton Update commentary for the SECOND EPISODE IN A ROW? I love Darrell’s Clinton as much as the next guy, but this is a bit much, especially since, as far as I know, Clinton wasn’t even in the news around this time.
— Boy, they’re really milking the hell out of Darrell-as-Clinton’s interactions with Tina and Jimmy at the beginning of his commentary tonight. That feels unneeded.
— That’s it? The Clinton commentary is over? It just came and went without me laughing a single time, which is absolutely unheard of for me in regards to Darrell’s Clinton. It was definitely unnecessary and pointless to bring him back this week. And between bringing back both him and Diana Ross so soon, tonight’s Update feels lazy and half-assed, at least in regards to most of the commentaries. Jimmy and Tina’s jokes aren’t too bad tonight, for the most part.
STARS: **½


TOP O’ THE MORNING
Patrick & William remember St. Patrick’s Days past

— Tonight’s Jimmy Fallon Recurring Character Fest continues.
— Not only is this surprisingly the first appearance this recurring sketch is making all season, but it ends up being its final appearance.
— I’ve said this in several past episode reviews, but I always get a kick out of whenever an SNL sketch does flashback sequences in real-time.
— After one of several real-time flashback sequences, Seth says “It’s a good thing we always wear the same sweaters” (referring to how he and Jimmy are wearing the same clothes in the flashbacks that they’re wearing in present day), which genuinely cracks Jimmy up. I’m assuming that line was an ad-lib, and it reminded me a lot of a famous moment in the Gap Girls At Tater Junction sketch from season 19’s Sara Gilbert episode, where David Spade says the memorable line “I can’t believe we’re all wearing the same thing we did four days ago” after a scene transition to four days later. As I mentioned in my review of that sketch, I’ve never seen it confirmed whether that line from Spade was an ad-lib or not, but it probably wasn’t (as much as I’d like to think it was).
— A particularly funny flashback sequence right now, with Finesse and Kenan (the latter making his only appearance of the night) being seen as Jimmy and Seth’s characters.
— Ben busts out laughing HARD at Jimmy’s ad-lib (and this was unquestionably an ad-lib) about Will sounding more Scottish than Irish. It takes Ben a while to get back into character after this.
— Lots of amused ad-libbing between Ben, Jimmy, and Seth, especially after Horatio’s wild brief appearance. I recall hearing from an online SNL fan who went to this episode’s dress rehearsal that the dress version of this sketch featured even more ad-libbing between Ben, Jimmy, and Seth after Horatio’s appearance. You see, in the dress version of this sketch, after Horatio crashed through the breakaway wall, stagehands replaced Horatio with a body double (or a dummy, I forget which) that was noticeably wearing completely different shoes from the ones Horatio was just seen wearing, and Ben, Jimmy, and Seth had a freakin’ FIELD DAY riffing on that with lots of ad-libs while cracking up.
STARS: ***


ONLY BANGKOK
to pay off a gambling debt, host sells new wife (AMP)

— A hilarious eventual reveal of Ben playing himself during this crazy scene of him selling his wife to pay off gambling debts.
— Good reveal of another “What happens in Thailand” tagline, making you realize this is an unrelated second installment of the Only Bangkok ad.
STARS: ****


DONNIE G. AND SIDECAR
cycle cop Donnie G. (host) puts partner Sidecar (FRA) in harm’s way

— Very refreshing and rare to see this type of sketch in this SNL era. I’m loving how this feels like the type of old-timey, black-and-white sketches that appeared frequently in SNL’s late 80s era. I can easily imagine Fred’s role being played by either Jon Lovitz or Dana Carvey.
— After Will experienced a big increase in lead roles the last two episodes before tonight’s, I see that tonight is Fred’s time to shine. Fred’s been having a great night, between the Gigli sketch and this.
— A big laugh from Fred getting knocked out by a huge mailbox.
— The Caracci’s Pizza logo on the apron that Horatio’s wearing is actually from a sketch from the season 18 episode that Tim Robbins hosted.

— Solid ending.
STARS: ****


ONLY BANGKOK
scandal-quashing Thailand spares host & Kelly Ripa [real]

— A great way to conclude this Only Bangkok runner, making certain aspects from the first two unrelated Only Bangkok ads come together in a crazy way.
— A hilarious random walk-on from Kelly Ripa. She’s surprising me by how funny she is here.
— Overall, this insane ad was absolutely priceless.
STARS: ****½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Maybe”


THE FULL MOON KILLER
serial killer’s (host) co-workers have fun with his ill-kept secret

— I’m really enjoying this premise and Ben’s casual attempts to hide the fact that he’s the Full Moon Killer.
— I love the reactions when Ben finds out his co-workers were just pulling his leg and have always been aware that he’s the Full Moon Killer.
— A great “And he was!” ending.
— An overall very well-written and perfectly executed sketch that, much like the Donnie G. And Sidecar sketch, feels like something that easily could’ve appeared in a much earlier SNL era that did this type of sketch more often. Though this sketch also does remind me a little of the Clark Kent sketch from just a few years prior when The Rock first hosted. I love both that sketch and this one.
STARS: ****½


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— Easily one of the best episodes of this season, and may even be my personal favorite of the season. Lots of strong sketches, one classic in my eyes (Gigli), and not a single weak sketch to be found (not counting a less-than-satisfactory Weekend Update). Despite laughing his way through the episode, Ben Affleck was an excellent host, much like the first time he hosted, and he added a fun, likable, and positive vibe to the episode.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Colin Firth)
a step up


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
(……………………………………..*hesitates for 20 long minutes, because I’m afraid to say who the next host is*……………………………………..*hesitates for 20 more minutes*……………………………………..) Oh, hell, I have to say it. DONALD. TRUMP.

Posted on

March 6, 2004 – Colin Firth / Norah Jones (S29 E14)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

NIGHTLINE
Rosie O’Donnell (HOS) on Martha Stewart (ANG) guilty verdict

— Another Nightline cold opening so soon?
— Some funny lines from Kenan.
— Will’s smug “bitch” talk is making me laugh.
— Oh, god, fucking spare me. Horatio’s tired Rosie O’Donnell impression for the second damn episode in a row. Ugh.
— Hell, yeah! The return of Ana Gasteyer and her Martha Stewart impression. Feels so good to see Ana for the first time since she left the cast.
— Seeing Darrell’s Ted Koppel and Ana’s Martha Stewart speaking to each other interestingly makes me feel like I’m watching something from around season 23.
STARS: ***½


MONOLOGUE
AMP, MAR, RAD, SEM are excited to act alongside charismatic host

— I like Amy telling Colin Firth “You’re the first real actor we’ve had on the show in a long time”, as it’s SNL acknowledging their own questionable decision to have lots of unconventional non-actor hosts this season. Of course, that still doesn’t stop SNL from continuing to go overboard with unconventional, non-actor hosts in the final two months of this season.
— Maya: “I tried to get Ian McKellen to do Shakespeare with me, but he would only talk to Jimmy and Kylie Minogue.”
— Rachel: “I’ve just always had a fantasy of putting on one of these corset things and going to town on some English dude.”
— Great to get the return of Seth’s uncanny Hugh Grant impression.
— I like the little joke with Seth having Amy’s panties in his pockets, hinting at a relationship between the two.
— A big laugh from Colin asking Seth to do his self-proclaimed great Hugh Grant impression, being unaware that he had just done it.
STARS: ***½


ACCENTS
British actor’s (host) awful Southern accent derails Civil War movie

— Meh, I’m not caring at all for the main joke with Colin’s American accent being effeminate and flamboyant. Yet another display of this SNL era’s love of gay stereotypes.
— Finesse In A Dress alert. And do we need Jimmy stifling his laughter during this Finesse-in-drag walk-on, as if he’s never seen it before?
— Uh-oh, now we get Chris doing a very stereotypical Asian accent.
— A lame “project scrapped” ending that SNL would go on to lazily reuse in a few other sketches that they clearly didn’t know how to end.
STARS: *½


¡SHOW BIZ GRANDE EXPLOSION!
Fericito helps host with his joke delivery

— Interesting seeing Fericito starring in his own sketch. But damn, does it have to be in a typical lazy talk format?
— Horatio is okay as Fericito’s bandleader.
— Meh, all of Fericito’s “Ay dios mio!”s get tiring after a while, and he’s been doing it ad nausaem in this sketch.
— I like how Colin’s various jokes are falling flat with both Fericito and the bandleader.
STARS: ***


TV FUNHOUSE
by RBS- Michael Powell announces FCC’s cartoon bowdlerization standards

 

— A lot of laughs from the unnecessary censoring done to classic cartoon clips.
— Great Howard Stern ending, paying homage to the ending of the legendary Daffy Duck cartoon Duck Amuck.
STARS: ****


TRIAL
guilty Tim Calhoun leans on lawyer (host) for Senate committee testimony

— Wow, interesting how Fred and Will’s respective breakout character, Fericito and Tim Calhoun, who, in the past, have only appeared on Weekend Update and hosts’ monologues, have both been spun-off into their own sketch on the same night. Fericito is okay, but I’m far more onboard with the idea of Tim Calhoun starring in a sketch, as he’s always a killer character. This would end up being his only non-Weekend Update appearance.
— Some good laughs from Calhoun always having to be fed his answers from Colin, word-by-word.
— I love the audio tape played of Calhoun’s money-laundering scheme.
— While I prefer Calhoun delivering non-sequitur one-liners like he typically does in his Update appearances, he’s definitely still working for me in this sketch.
— Tim Calhoun: “What if you didn’t have the tape?” Chris: “Well, we DO have the tape.” Tim Calhoun: “Ohhh, nooooo!”
— Odd how the sketch just ends on an extended close-up of Chris. Feels like that’s not intentional.
STARS: ****


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Sunrise”


WEEKEND UPDATE
MAR reports as WASP housewives riot in protest of Martha Stewart verdict

award-laden Peter Jackson (HOS) secures pity prize for Elijah Wood (RAD)

Bill Clinton (DAH) explains why he should be John Kerry’s running mate

— Boy, some really weak opening jokes from Tina about Martha Stewart.
— Interesting how they’re doing a remote segment with Maya playing herself as a reporter. Feels like a throwback to the original days where Laraine Newman was Update’s regular reporter for remote segments.
— The Martha Stewart riots segment is okay.
— At the end of the Martha Stewart riots segment, couldn’t they have given Amy something funnier to yell into Maya’s microphone than a simple “Free Martha!”? The brief buildup to that had me expecting a great one-liner from Amy.
— Very funny seeing Rachel play Elijah Wood. There really is a strong facial resemblance between them, and I kinda wish SNL had gotten some mileage out of that when Elijah had recently hosted a few months prior.
— Ugh, typical awkward halting and hesitation during Horatio’s line deliveries. Dammit, Horatio.
— I like Darrell’s Bill Clinton greeting Jimmy as “Fallonius”, as a callback to the nickname bit that Jimmy and Tina did earlier in this Update.
— Darrell’s Clinton saying John Edwards is so boring, he’d have sex in the missionary position is a line that SNL already had Darrell’s Clinton say about another politician in an earlier Clinton sketch (I think the cold opening from the Christina Ricci episode in season 25).
— Some fun lines from Darrell’s Clinton. I especially like his ending line, when expressing interest in becoming John Kerry’s running mate: “I’ll put the ‘vice’ back in ‘vice president’.”
STARS: ***


HOTEL WILSON
bellboy (KET) attempts to personally service (host)’s prostitute request

— Kenan’s random attempts to sexually assault Colin are getting no reaction from the audience (nor me).
— It feels kinda weird seeing early-era Kenan doing this type of raunchy material. I almost feel like I’m watching his Nickelodeon-era teen self doing adult material he’s too young for.
— Boy, this sketch is terrible. Yet another display of this SNL era’s annoying love of hacky homoerotic humor (which only gets worse the following season).
— Awful ending.
— Overall, not a single laugh from me during this entire sketch.
STARS: *


MEET THE PRESS
John Edwards’ (WLF) so-called attack ads are pro-Kerry

— Quite a lot of airtime for Darrell tonight.
— Boy, that smiling photo of John Kerry in the first attack ad is just plain creepy (the third, fourth, and fifth above screencaps for this sketch), especially the way the camera is slowly zooming in on it.
— Some laughs from John Edwards’ so-called “negative” ads against John Kerry.
— This sketch feels a little slow and dull, and isn’t making me laugh too much outside of the aforementioned “negative” ads. I want to like this more than I am, especially considering how much Will has been knocking it out of the park with all of the other lead roles he’s been getting these past few episodes (great to see him getting such an increase in airtime, by the way, even though I know in retrospect that it sadly doesn’t last).
STARS: **½


THE SOPRANOS
after a 15-month hiatus, The Sopranos can’t remember their plot lines

— Wow, Darrell’s big night continues. I cannot remember the last time he got this many lead roles in a single episode.
— I got a good laugh from Seth’s little “Oh, snap” when dashing out of the house after being told he’s supposed to be in Italy.
— Jimmy is hilarious as Little Steven.
— An okay concept of The Sopranos’ own characters not even remembering what happened the preceding season due to the extremely long hiatus between seasons.
STARS: ***


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “What Am I To You?”


JESUS: HOLLYWOOD VS HISTORY
Benny Hill (WLF) film has lust, not passion

— Second episode in a row with a History Channel sketch.
— Very funny idea of a Benny Hill-starring Jesus epic.
— I recall an online SNL fan once saying that this movie-within-a-sketch’s opening shot of Will’s Benny Hill on the cross is one of the most bizarre images in SNL history. That open-mouthed “Woe is me” expression on Will’s face during that opening shot of him on the cross (the second above screencap for this sketch) kills me every time I watch this sketch.
— An absolutely hilarious turn with Benny Hill’s Jesus doing a typical wacky fast-paced chase scene with two bikini-clad girls while he’s still nailed to the cross.
— Funny ending line from Colin about how Benny Hill was so emotionally crushed by the movie’s failure that he died “just 18 years later”.
STARS: ****½


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A decent episode. A few things really didn’t work for me (particularly Hotel Wilson, which, if I didn’t know better, I would swear is a season 30 sketch), but they were outnumbered by what worked, especially a few great Will Forte-starring pieces and a solid TV Funhouse.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Christina Aguilera)
a mild step up


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Ben Affleck

Posted on

February 21, 2004 – Christina Aguilera / Maroon 5 (S29 E13)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

HARDBALL WITH CHRIS MATTHEWS
Gary Bauer (CHP) & Rosie O’Donnell (HOS) debate gay marriage

— A lot of technical screw-ups with the name graphics early on in this sketch, as seen in some of the above screencaps.
— Horatio’s Rosie O’Donnell is starting to approach the same levels of annoyance for me as Horatio’s Elton John.
— Interesting how Darrell is playing dual roles here, with his Arnold Schwarzenegger being pre-taped.
— Hmm, Darrell’s usually-off Schwarzenegger impression actually sounds better than usual in pre-taped form. Maybe SNL has finally found the solution in improving Darrell’s Schwarzenegger.
— Darrell’s Schwarzenegger is basically just repeating same lines about gays that he said in the cold opening from this season’s premiere.
— This season’s streak of forgettably average Hardball sketches sadly continues. It’s becoming more and more obvious that the glory days of Hardball being a sure-fire killer sketch are behind us.
STARS: ***


MONOLOGUE
after declining requests to “whore it up,” host performs “Beautiful”

— Pretty good bit with Christina Aguilera calling Jimmy out on the acute/askanky joke he did about her on Weekend Update earlier this season, complete with a clip of said joke.
— As I said in an earlier episode review, the joke of Lorne playing a horndog towards the host and/or musical guest has gotten overplayed. Also, this monologue is starting to feel like Part 2 of Halle Berry’s monologue from earlier this season, and I already disliked Part 1 enough.
— When Lorne asks the guys “Who’s that?” in regards to Finesse, and is then told “That’s the new guy, Finesse”, I love Lorne incredulously asking “We hired a guy named Finesse?!?”
— At least Christina’s singing of “Beautiful” (a song she already performed on SNL a year prior) isn’t being done as a full-fledged musical performance with her going to the musical guest stage.
STARS: **½


SEX AND THE CITY
finale has punny Carrie (AMP) & shemale Samantha (host)

— An absolutely PERFECT Samantha impression from Christina. Shockingly good.
— Some good laughs from Rachel’s poor handling of the obviously fake baby she’s holding.
— I’m having a hard time buying Amy as Sarah Jessica Parker.
— This comedic premise of Samantha coming out as a “tranny” will probably not hold up well with a lot of people nowadays. However, Christina is selling it so damn hard that it’s still working for me, even if I’m not finding this material quite as hilarious as I remember finding it in 2004.
STARS: ***½


DO YOU KNOW WHO MY FATHER IS?
snotty scions ply privilege on game show

— Feels like we haven’t seen an original game show sketch like this in quite a long time, though I’m probably forgetting something.
— Chris doing his usual solid and low-key-funny work as a game show host.
— Seth’s accented, high-pitched delivery of “Do you know who my father is?” was so over-the-top that it cracked me up.
— Will: “I can’t even GO to Switzerland. Stupid date rape trial!”
— Despite some laughs, this sketch as a whole is pretty forgettable.
STARS: **½


TV FUNHOUSE
“Fun With Real Audio” by RBS- banal showbiz questions haunt Pat O’Brien

— Robert Smigel apparently continues to be very busy elsewhere, as this is surprisingly on his THIRD TV Funhouse of the season.
— Oh, geez, what is with SNL’s Access Hollywood obsession this season? I’ve gotten so sick of these frequent Access Hollywood parodies that not even Smigel can make me excited to see another one.
— I guess I see what this cartoon is going for, but this isn’t working much for me.
— Not even the part with the Dalai Lama beating up Pat O’Brien made me laugh much.
— Meh, the joke about O’Brien being dropped down to hell, which turns out to be Access Hollywood, felt like an inferior version of a joke used in a David Brenner-starring TV Funhouse from season 23.
— Overall, I seem to be in the minority, but I did not care for this cartoon.
STARS: **


CELEBRATION OF WOMEN WEEK
in 1880, liberated (host) challenges stuffy women to flout the status quo

— An out-of-the-ordinary use of Darrell’s Phil Donahue impression. Reminds me of his Jack Perkins hosting that jazz profile show sketch from the preceding season’s Queen Latifah episode.
— Rachel’s old-timey dignified accent and facial expressions are very funny.
— Great exit line from Chris: “If you need me, I’ll be discussing negroes in the brandy room.” Reminds me of his great exit line from the Governess sketch in the Andy Roddick episode earlier this season: “Your mom and I have some bedroom-related things to work out.”
— Some funny lines from the women about how oppressed they’ve always been.
STARS: ***


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “This Love”


WEEKEND UPDATE
ignorant white guy WLF is ill-suited to honor Black History Month

— I like the fake-out with Kenan being introduced for a Black History Month commentary, only for Will to unexpectedly show up in his place while Kenan’s name still gets displayed in a graphic on the bottom of the screen.
— A great line with Will rude answer to Tina’s question of why Maya can’t do the Black History Month commentary: “Tina, it’s not Half-Black History Month.”
— Hilarious part with Will calling out individual black audience members to wish a happy Black History Month to.
— Will is so damn fantastic in this Black History Month piece, and it’s so nice seeing him get to shine while playing himself for once. Moments like this really solidify what a strong secret weapon he is on SNL in these early years of his.
— A nice little shoutout to Bill Murray during Jimmy and Tina’s sign-off, with Jimmy wishing Bill luck at the Oscars, as he was up for Best Actor for Lost In Translation. (He would end up losing and would famously have an openly bitter reaction.)
— Another short Update, for the second episode in a row.
STARS: ***


YOU GOT SERVED
Venice Beach teens serve up lame moves during a low-stakes dance-off

— The beginning of this sketch feels oddly silent. It feels like there should be background music or something.
— Boy, I can tell I’m going to hate this sketch. This feels like a variation of that very unfunny Wade Robson Project sketch from this season’s premiere. Sketches like this epitomize some of the MANY problems I have with this 2003-2005 SNL era.
— Blah. Not a single one of these dance moves from any of the performers is funny. At least in the Wade Robson sketch, we only had to sit through a dance sequence from three performers. This sketch, on the other hand, has, like, seven performers who’s individual dance sequence I have to suffer through.
— There goes Maya using that lean-all-the-way-back-in-a-staccato-manner dance move ONCE AGAIN. She’s taken a once-hilarious dance move that was great when she debuted it in that MTV Spring Break sketch with her and Cameron Diaz, and has completely run it into the ground by this point of her SNL tenure.
— Christina’s dance sequence came off just plain lazy compared to the rest of the cast (or maybe she forgot that her dancing is supposed to be COMEDIC), which is ironic, as she has far more professional dance experience than any of the cast members in this sketch.
— Not even Will could save this sketch with his goofy walk-on at the end.
STARS: *


DRESSING ROOM
host rejects “skank” tag implicit in well-wishers’ backhanded compliments

— Kenan In A Dress alert.
— Finesse’s Al Reynolds constantly being referred to as Stedman is making me laugh, even though it kinda feels like a hacky joke.
— Some of the many sexual euphemisms being said to Christina are funny, but this sketch in general isn’t all that great and and feels too repetitive.
— Another instance this season of Horatio pulling a Chris Farley and crashing through a breakaway table. Meh. However, I did like Amy’s Sharon Osbourne explaining to Christina why Horatio’s Ozzy fainted: “You made Ozzy think!”
STARS: **½


BESOS Y LAGRIMAS
maid (host) inspires kisses & tears in telenovela

— This sketch makes its debut and would go on to appear VERY sporadically within the next six(!) years just about every time SNL has a Hispanic host. Speaking of which, I recall hearing that tonight’s installment originally got cut after dress rehearsal from the preceding season’s Salma Hayek episode, which Christina was the musical guest of.
— The bizarre nature of this sketch is cracking me up, as are the increasingly over-the-top dramatic close-ups of characters.
— The format of this sketch is almost starting to give me a very unwanted reminder of the future Californians sketches (a very polarizing recurring sketch that I despise with the fire of 1,000 suns), but this is miles funnier to me.
— When the camera showed a (very funny) close-up of an eyepatch-wearing Chris during the current sequence of each character being shown in a dramatic close-up, why didn’t he say “Helena” like everybody else is saying in their respective close-up? Was that an intentional joke?
STARS: ***½


HUGGIES THONG
— Oh, you’ve gotta be fucking kidding me. We’re only a little over halfway through this season, and this is the FOURTH DAMN TIME this commercial has been shown this season. Ridiculous. This may possibly have broken the record for most frequently repeated fake ad in the shortest amount of time, until season 31 eventually comes along and replays the living fuck out of that Morgan Stanley ad (the one with Will angrily chewing out Amy and then-newbie Andy Samberg as if he’s Amy’s father, only for him to be revealed as Amy’s family’s Morgan Stanley guy) within just the first few months of that season.


FIRING SANDY
(CHP) fires childishly insubordinate employee (WLF) for absenteeism

— I love the bizarre opening conversation Chris has with Amy regarding his lunch order.
— Hilarious how Will claims that he took one of his many sick days because he had the Elephant Man’s Disease.
— The insane dialogue in this sketch is having me howling.
— After one of Will’s many utterances of “No way, Jose”, I absolutely love Chris angrily responding “Stop using my first name, it’s disrespectful!”
— I’m surprised this sketch is over already, after only about two minutes, but this was a good length.
— Not only was this the usual fantastic Oddball Will Forte Sketch, and not only was this Will’s second strong showcase in tonight’s episode alone, but it was also great to see him paired with Chris (who, like Will, is one of the secret weapons of this cast, only SNL seems far less aware of that than they are with Will), who more than held his own in this sketch. Between the great U-S-Amen bit from the preceding season and now this sketch, I’m starting to think that the Forte/Parnell comedy duo is something we viewers needed to see MUCH more often than we do in this era.
STARS: ****½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Harder To Breathe”


DON’S APOTHECARY
apothecary Don’s lack of discretion creates more customers for Walgreens

— The second and final installment of this sketch.
— Blah. Much like last time, this sketch is just a series of unfunny sophomoric jokes. In other words, typical unfunny Horatio Sanz jackassery, which I am beyond sick of by this point of his SNL tenure. I mentioned in my review of the first installment of this sketch that Horatio intended for these Don’s Apothecary sketches to be a relatable, slice-of-life piece that he based off of something from his own childhood. I appreciate the idea he had behind these sketches, but it is so sad that THIS is the result of his attempt at a so-called “relatable” and “slice-of-life” piece.
— Maya got a good laugh from me with her delivery of “It’s for the vagina, baby.”
— Another funny Maya line, with her telling Rachel “You go ahead and buy your ‘gina cream, baby.” She’s becoming the sole highlight of this entire sketch.
— Ugh, another Walgreens twist at the end. It wasn’t funny in the first installment of this sketch, and it’s just plain lazy to just repeat it a second time. Thank god this ends up being the final installment of this lousy recurring sketch.
STARS: *½


GOODNIGHTS

— After I had just shit on Horatio in my review of the last sketch, I will say that I appreciate the fun bit during these goodnights with him driving his motorized cart (from the last sketch) around outside of the home base stage. You rarely see anything out of the ordinary like that happen during the goodnights by this point of SNL’s run.

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A mixed bag. There was about an equal amount of things I liked and disliked… actually, the latter probably slightly outnumbers the former. Can’t think of anything else worth saying about this episode.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Drew Barrymore)
a slight step up


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Colin Firth

Posted on

February 14, 2004 – Drew Barrymore / Kelis (S29 E12)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

ENDORSEMENT
John Kerry (SEM) doesn’t want bad-luck charm Al Gore (DAH) to endorse him

— Seth’s got John Kerry’s smile down pretty well, but does he have to keep briefly flashing it so often throughout this cold opening? He’s pushing that smile WAY too hard in this.
— A laugh from Darrell-as-Al-Gore’s odd delivery of “IIIIIIIII’ve decided to suppoooort yoooouuuu.”
— The “crackle crackle” bit Seth’s Kerry uses as an excuse to end the phone conversation with Gore made me laugh, but it’s a cliched joke.
— Aside from the aforementioned two decent bits (and not even those were particularly hilarious), this overall cold opening did not have many laughs. Typical dull Jim Downey political writing from this period.
STARS: **


MONOLOGUE
E.T. (WLF) visits, as do ’80s sci-fi characters host didn’t co-star with

— Good makeup on Will as E.T.
— Meh. I’m not caring for the direction this has gone in, with characters from non-Drew Barrymore movies mistakenly thinking Drew was in their movies. Lazy premise that shows the writers didn’t know what else to do for this monologue. This probably would’ve been better off just focusing on Will’s E.T.
— Is that an ad-lib Darrell made after stumbling over the word “sith”? Drew seemed genuinely amused.
STARS: **


A VERY SPECIAL VALENTINE’S VERSACE
Courtney Love (host) lays waste

— Blah. Are they going to trot out this Versace impression for EVERY holiday this season? First it was Halloween, then Christmas, now Valentine’s Day. Is Easter next up on the queue?
— This sketch is really going through the motions. This Versace routine is simply past its prime by this point, as is Horatio’s Elton John shtick (though I’m pretty sure the latter never had a prime to begin with).
— I finally got one laugh just now, from Versace’s slam to Amy’s Madonna about Dennis Rodman “boning you sideways”.
— Feels a little odd seeing somebody other than Molly Shannon play Courtney Love.
— The audience is eating up Drew-as-Courtney-Love’s violent outbursts, but it’s doing absolutely nothing for me.
— Ugh, they are dragging the hell out of the bit with Versace repeatedly asking Courtney Love to not smash Versace’s cherished figurines, which I get is supposed to be funny because of how drawn-out it is, but it’s just annoying me.
— Double ugh, now there goes these Versace sketches’ obligatory endless repetition of the word “bitch”. As I said in my review of the Versace sketch from the preceding season’s Salma Hayek episode, “These Versace sketches need to realize that the word ‘bitch’ stops being funny when it’s thrown around so frequently in such a short time frame.”
STARS: *½


JARRET’S ROOM
Gobi’s hot stoner sister (host) appears in dream sequence

— Surprisingly, this is the first appearance this recurring sketch has made all season. I’m glad they rightfully cut back big-time on the frequency of these sketches, after how heavily overused it was in the preceding season.
— An unintentional laugh from how a whole bunch of teen Jimmy Fallon fangirls in the audience can be heard loudly going “Awwww!” after Jarret says he doesn’t have a valentine this year.
— The “pipe” that Jarret is smoking in the fantasy sequence is fairly funny (the second-to-last above screencap for this sketch).
— The fantasy sequence is being awkwardly executed, but it has a bit of a charm.
— Jesus Christ, as if it weren’t obvious enough that Jarret’s Room is such a Wayne’s World knock-off, tonight’s Jarret’s Room installment follows up the fantasy sequence with an “I guess it was all a dream… or was it?!? (*sees something in reality from the dream*)” bit, which was a staple of Wayne’s World sketches that involved fantasy sequences. Way to be original, Jarret’s Room writers.
STARS: **½


ACCESS HOLLYWOOD
Charlize Theron (host) gets ugly for acting accolades

— The silly movie clips feel like cheap laughs. Drew is pulling it off okay enough, but I’m still not crazy about the clips.
— Enough with the damn “Pat O’Brien can’t breathe through his nose” jokes. It’s beyond played-out by this point.
STARS: **½


OCTANE
motorcycle movie’s special effects comprise toys & lighter fluid

— Brief J.B. Smoove appearance!
— Kenan’s intense delivery during his brief scene was very funny.
— Not sure what to say about this overall. I got laughs from the fast-paced insanity of this and from the use of cheap model toys for the “action” scenes, but this commercial went by really fast and was kinda hard to follow.
STARS: **½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Milkshake”


WEEKEND UPDATE
imprisoned Diana Ross (MAR) contrasts life behind bars with glory days

— Not caring much for this commentary with Diana Ross in prison, and they’re overdoing her “Jail is not like that” statements.
— Holy hell, that’s it?!? Update is over ALREADY?!? Wow, this Update was only about five minutes long. At least Jimmy and Tina’s jokes were mostly decent. Could’ve used a better guest commentary, though.
STARS: ***


MIKE’S BAR
John Kerry (SEM), George W. Bush (WLF), Bill Clinton (DAH) meet at Yale

— We get the debut of Will’s George W. Bush impression, making this the THIRD time in just these past two seasons that the Bush impression has been given to somebody new. Interesting how Will’s Bush is making its debut in a sketch set several decades prior. Can’t remember any other time in SNL history where an important impression of a current president debuted in such a manner.
— Right out of the gate, Will’s Bush impression is coming off as a huge improvement over both Chris and (especially) Darrell’s Bush impressions. Will sounds enough like Bush here, and most importantly, his impression is very fun, immediately making you get onboard with it.
— A good and creative setting of Bush, John Kerry, and Bill Clinton meeting each other in the 1960s, and this sketch is being executed well.
— A great line from Darrell’s Clinton, asking Seth’s Kerry, in regards to Drew’s Hillary Rodham, “Hey, G.I. Joe, why don’t you do us all a favor and jump on THAT grenade?”
— There’s Seth briefly flashing that Kerry smile once again. It’s as if that smile is the only thing Seth personally feels he’s nailed about John Kerry, so he’s overcompensating by relying very heavily on it.
STARS: ****


LARRY KING LIVE
flighty Anna Nicole Smith (host) has lost weight

— Quite a lot of entertainment show spoofs tonight with Jimmy as the host, between Access Hollywood and now this.
— For various reasons, it feels odd seeing Jimmy playing Larry King. I’m also not caring much for his impression. He’s not sounding believable in the role.
— I remember the trainwreck Anna Nicole Smith interview this sketch is spoofing.
— The “biscuit” bit at the end was funny, but this overall sketch just kinda came and went with mostly only mild-at-best chuckles from me.
STARS: **


SPY GLASS
Ian & Zoe point the lens at their own scandalous behavior

— Like the first time this sketch appeared, we get some pretty fun bad puns from Seth and Amy’s characters.
— Seth’s delivery gets better and better with each passing installment of this sketch, and he had a string of particularly funny puns about Diana Ross just now.
— Geez, we get the unnecessary return of Jimmy’s British Pat O’Brien, as well as the return of more tepid “Pat O’Brien can’t breathe through his nose” jokes. Ugh, ENOUGH with this shit.
STARS: ***


THE WORLD OF SCOTT WAINIO
people talk into a microphone-free hand

— The no-longer-on-the-show Jeff Richards does the voice-over intro at the beginning of this, proving that this is a segment that had been sitting on SNL’s shelf for a while.
— Uh… okay, this is certainly something different. At least we’re getting a change of pace for this SNL era. I like the idea of this era doing a short film starring an unknown SNL writer.
— Just when I thought I’d be onboard for this, I end up being very put off by the result. How is Scott Wainio interviewing people with an invisible microphone supposed to be even remotely funny? This feels like a failed attempt at the type of absurdist, alternative humor that I usually love. And why does Wainio keep suggestively rubbing some of the men he’s interviewing?
— Overall, I’m all for SNL trying offbeat concepts, but yeah, this did NOT work for me.
— “The World of Scott Wainio” seems like it was being set up to eventually become a recurring segment (in fact, when this originally aired, I remember wondering if SNL was attempting a new-age Rocket Report type of segment), but we end up never seeing this return. I wouldn’t have minded seeing this get a second shot, as long as it had an actual funny concept, unlike tonight’s.
STARS: **


THE WHITE STRIPES
ostensible crime fighters Jack (JIF) & Meg (host) White just play music

— Poor Chris has been practically non-existent tonight.
— Jimmy, on the other hand, has been EVERYWHERE tonight.
— Interesting concept of The White Stripes as superheroes.
— Meh. The twist with The White Stripes’ self-played superhero theme song being so long that the criminals get away is a cliched gag that I swear SNL used to better effect another time, though I can’t remember when.
— Very weak ending.
STARS: **


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Trick Me”


PRINCE SHOW
Beyonce Knowles (MAR) mediates Pink (host) guest spot

— This sketch makes its debut. Kinda surprising in retrospect to see that this debuted as a 10-to-1 sketch.
— While this is yet another damn celebrity-hosted talk show sketch, an overused concept of which I’ve griped about many times, Fred’s Prince impression and the eccentric setting of this sketch seem like they’ll be fun.
— Drew has done a celebrity impression in almost every single sketch tonight. I’m not caring much for her take on Pink in this particular sketch. Feels like she’s just doing a poor man’s variation of Amy’s Avril Lavigne impression.
— Such a spot-on Prince impression from Fred, which makes sense, given what a devoted Prince fanatic Fred is said to be.
— Kenan’s performance as George Clinton is kinda making me laugh.
— All the oddball little segments Prince does throughout this are amusing and entertaining.
— I believe we’ve gotten our very first “Kenan reacts” moment in SNL history, when the camera does a brief cutaway to Kenan’s George Clinton speechlessly staring in confusion at Prince’s odd mask routine (screencap below).

— Overall, a good debut for this sketch. I personally feel this should’ve stayed a one-off. IIRC, the subsequent installments of this sketch don’t offer anything particularly new or exciting, and the concept gradually wears thin.
STARS: ***½


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A blah episode. There were way too many things that I didn’t care for in this episode, particularly in the first half of the show, in which I didn’t give ANYTHING a passing rating. Overall, I’m sure I’ll go on to remember absolutely nothing about this episode, aside from the Mike’s Bar sketch.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Megan Mullally)
a big step down


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Christina Aguilera

Posted on

February 7, 2004 – Megan Mullally / Clay Aiken (S29 E11)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

NIGHTLINE
Ted Koppel (DAH) keeps the focus on Janet Jackson’s boob

— They’re still using Will Ferrell’s old voice-over intro originally used in Nightline sketches from way back in the mid-late 90s.
— I was about to say we haven’t seen Darrell’s Ted Koppel in ages, but I forgot he last did the impression just two seasons prior in the News Media sketch from season 27’s Jon Stewart episode.
— Funny turn with the serious political discussion becoming a conversation about the infamous Janet Jackson “wardrobe malfunction” that had recently happened.
— Good laughs from how overly serious Darrell’s Koppel is taking the discussion about Janet Jackson’s boob. I also love how he keeps pronouncing “boob” as “beeewwwb” in that trademark voice of his.
STARS: ***½


OPENING MONTAGE
— When Chris Parnell’s shot comes up, Don Pardo mistakenly announces him as “Chris Katta–” before abruptly cutting himself off and correctly saying “Chris Parnell”. Given Pardo’s old age by this point, I feel bad for laughing at this gaffe.


MONOLOGUE
host displays her talents to a gay chorus composed of male castmembers

— Interesting seeing the entire male cast together in this, though it kinda emphasizes the lack of the no-longer-on-the-show Jeff Richards.
— Ehh, this turns out to be yet another excuse for this male cast to play gay stereotypes.
— Jimmy with his hair like that makes him look like his character from the Jeffrey’s sketches.
— Despite the gay stereotypes premise, Megan is making this pretty fun and likable with her performance.
STARS: ***


CELEBRITY POKER SHOWDOWN
Gene Shalit (HOS) & Carrot Top (SEM) play cards

— At the beginning, Darrell can be seen casually arriving late for this sketch, much like Jimmy in the Democratic National Committee sketch from two episodes prior.
— Speaking of Darrell, so far tonight, he’s been getting the most airtime he’s had in quite a long time.
— I find it kinda hard to buy Megan as Tammy Faye Messner (formerly Tammy Faye Bakker), as SNL went strangely light on the eye makeup. Besides, Jan Hooks will always be SNL’s definitive Tammy Faye.
— Jimmy’s Kevin Pollak is a decent excuse for Jimmy to break out a whole bunch of celebrity vocal impressions. I also like Chris’ growing anger towards Jimmy-as-Pollak’s impressions.
— This sketch is fun enough that even Horatio’s Gene Shalit is coming off more tolerable to me than usual.
— Chris has a lot of great lines here.
— The Darrell-as-Geraldo stuff is getting old in this sketch. Then again, I never cared for Darrell’s Geraldo. The impression itself is spot-on, but SNL’s material for him always bores me to death. Even the audience has stopped laughing at his lines halfway through this sketch.
STARS: ***


HUGGIES THONG
Rerun from 10/4/03, for the third time this season. I’m starting to become reminded of why I used to hate this commercial back when this season originally aired.


MAMA’S BOY
(host) babies her regressive son (SEM) to drive off his fiancee (AMP)

— Megan is solid as the babying mother, and I like her sudden negative mood changes whenever she directs something at Amy.
— A fitting coincidence that I happen to be reviewing this sketch on Mother’s Day, as this sketch is perfect for this day.
— Some good laughs from how overly serious Seth is taking the hide-and-seek game, and how upset he gets at Amy for giving away his hiding spot.
— The ending came off kinda abrupt.
STARS: ***½


GOLDEN GLOBE AWARDS
insipid Sharon Stone (AMP) exhausts host’s patience at Golden Globes

— A laugh from Sharon Stone being introduced as “the greatest actress in the history of film”.
— Amy’s take on Sharon Stone is very funny and spot-on to how Stone acted around this era.
— Actor and Megan Mullally’s husband Nick Offerman can be seen seated next to Megan during this entire sketch. Also, it’s funny in retrospect seeing him and his future Parks and Rec co-star Amy in the same sketch, though they’re never onscreen together in this sketch.
— Lots of hilarious cutaways to Megan doing increasingly embarrassing and ridiculous things during Amy-as-Sharon-Stone’s long, pretentious speech.
STARS: ****


OPRAH’S FAVORITE THINGS
favors at Oprah’s (MAR) 50th birthday party induce studio audience bedlam

— Oh, here comes a famous sketch.
— Maya’s doing such a dead-on imitation of Oprah’s famous “excited voice”.
— The increasingly over-the-top, insane reactions from Oprah’s audience are freakin’ priceless. Way too many funny parts for me to single out individual highlights.
— Overall, such a strong and perfectly executed sketch.
STARS: *****


BLACK HISTORY CAB
cabbie’s (host) attempts to relate to black passenger (KET) are offensive

— Kenan is overacting badly as the straight man in this sketch. Yet another example of how much growing Kenan needed to do in these early SNL years of his, and how much better he would eventually become years later. If he did this same sketch nowadays, he’d be such a perfect straight man.
— A touchy racial premise in this sketch, and SNL could easily cross a line, but I feel they’re handling it the right way. Megan’s solid and fun performance also helps.
STARS: ***


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Invisible”


WEEKEND UPDATE
allusions of Native American stand-up Billy Smith are lost on audience

on American Idol, JIF performs “She Bangs” a la William Hung

20/20 retiree Barbara Walters (RAD) elicits tears during self-interview

— Jimmy finally ditched the awful Dudley Moore-esque hairstyle from the last two episodes, and has gone back to his original hairstyle from way back in his first three seasons on SNL.
— SNL makes their first of a few mentions within this and the following week’s episode of Howard Dean’s notorious “YEEEEAAAHHHH!” moment (which is another reminder that Jeff Richards is no longer on the show).
— Jimmy and Tina are rebounding pretty nicely from their dreadful Update in the last episode. Tina in particular is having a better night than she’s usually been having this season, though she still has some occasional groaners tonight.
— Like the last time Fred played his Billy Smith character, I’m enjoying the Andy Kaufman-esque anti-comedy here, and Fred is a master at playing comedians who bomb with audiences. However, Fred’s kinda upping the mugging factor of this character, which feels unnecessary. The mugging would get even worse in a future appearance this character makes many years later.
— A particularly strong joke from Jimmy regarding both Janet Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction and Groundhog Day: “Janet Jackson’s breast popped out of its hole, saw its shadow, and now we’ll have 6 more weeks of overreaction.”
— Jimmy’s doing a spot-on imitation of William Hung’s infamous then-recent American Idol audition. However, there’s no twist in this imitation. He just does a straight recreation of the William Hung audition, as if that’s supposed to be enough. In other words, he pulls a Family Guy.
— Meh, there goes Tina resorting to her irritating habit of openly congratulating herself after an Update joke, this time after her slam on Meg Ryan’s looks.
— When the camera first cuts to a shot of both Jimmy and Tina when Jimmy “buzzes in” to answer Tina’s Jeopardy question, a crew member’s hand can be seen touching Jimmy’s tie for a quick second before it exits the shot, while Jimmy is looking towards the camera with a bit of a panicked look (screencap below).

According to an online SNL fan who was in the audience for this episode, there’s a story behind this gaffe. After Jimmy performed the William Hung bit, he quickly put back on his Update suit and returned to his usual spot on the Update set while Tina was delivering a joke. However, he put back on his suit in such a hurry that his tie was very crooked, unbeknownst to him. As Tina was setting up the aforementioned Jeopardy question that the camera was about to cut to Jimmy “buzzing in” to answer, a crew member kept signaling over and over to Jimmy to fix his crooked tie. Jimmy had a very hard time understanding the signal, so the crew member was forced to come over there herself and quickly fix Jimmy’s tie, but wasn’t able to exit before the camera cut to Jimmy.
— Pretty fun concept of Rachel’s Barbara Walters interviewing herself, complete with a soft focus screen filter being used.
— Not caring for Rachel’s Barbara Walters breaking out into song. Feels unnecessary.
STARS: ***


THE WIZARD OF OZ
Munchkinland sues Dorothy (AMP) for collateral damage caused by her house

— In my last few episode reviews, I’ve been pointing out some unfortunate season 20 parallels that I’ve been noticing in this season (though this season definitely isn’t as bad). Now we get a Wizard Of Oz sketch that’s set by the yellow brick road, which immediately brings back unwanted memories of a certain very notorious season 20 sketch.
— Why does Fred always get stuck as characters who say “Awkwaaaaaaard!”?
— This sketch definitely isn’t as dreadful as the season 20 Wizard Of Oz sketch, and this seems to have some promise.
— Yikes, maybe I spoke too soon. Now we get blood-covered severed limbs and vomiting, bringing back those unfortunate season 20 parallels.
— Speaking of season 20 (which I’m doing way too much here), Megan in that get-up strangely looks like season 20-era Roseanne dressed as a man. More specifically, Megan in that get-up looks like what season 20-era Roseanne would look like if she played Rip Taylor, which is a funny coincidence, as Rip Taylor actually cameoed in Roseanne’s season 20 episode.
— Amy-as-Dorothy’s failed attempt to transport herself back home was very funny.
— Some laughs here and there, but I’m not finding myself being all that crazy about this sketch.
— An actual strong ending, with Darrell as Robert Osborne (from Turner Classic Movies) slyly suggesting we re-watch this sketch while smoking a joint and listening to Dark Side of the Moon.
— Speaking of Darrell, he’s often mistaken by a lot of SNL fans as playing himself in this sketch (even SNL Archives makes this mistake, as seen here), which is an understandable mistake, given that 1) this sketch never says who Darrell is playing, and 2) Darrell’s talking in his normal voice and isn’t wearing a wig, due to him already having a lot of vocal and physical similarities to Robert Osborne. If you’re still not convinced that Darrell isn’t playing himself in this sketch, here’s a dead giveaway that he isn’t: he’s not wearing that all-black outfit he always wears whenever he’s seen as himself.
STARS: **½


ZINGER VS. SLAM
Dave ‘Zinger’ Klinger spars with old flame Debbie ‘Slam’ Slamowski (host)

— Not too crazy about the idea of this sketch being brought back, as Alec Baldwin’s performance was one of the only things that worked for me in the first installment. I seem to be in the minority in not caring much for this character of Seth’s.
— Some good slams from Megan.
— Seth’s zinger routine is slowly starting to grow on me, even if I always find that the hosts’ performances outdo him in these sketches.
— As usual, Chris proves to be a strong secret weapon in these Zinger sketches. I particularly love his outburst at Rachel, “WOULD YOU SHUT UP, WOMAN?!? CAN’T YOU SEE THE DOMINOES ARE FALLING?!?”
STARS: ***


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “The Way”


GRAMMYS
at Grammys, Leon Warwick (KET) & Connie Raitt (host) trade on aunts’ fame

— An okay concept of similar-named relatives of celebrities.
— No idea what to say about this sketch so far. All I know is I ain’t laughing much. A pure 10-to-1 throwaway piece.
— I hated the ending with Amy being charmed by Clay Aiken. Much like one of the many gripes I had with that god-awful Swiffer Sleepers commercial from the preceding season, I find it cringeworthy seeing Amy resort to saccharine cutesiness. It feels wrong for her. Stuff like this feels like it’s undoing everything Amy was known for doing on the Upright Citizens Brigade series on Comedy Central.
STARS: **


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A good episode, making this the first episode I felt this positive about since all the way back in the FOURTH episode of the season (Kelly Ripa). Until the post-Weekend Update half of the show, this episode was consistently good. Even the occasional misfires in the post-Update half were nothing particularly terrible. I’d like to think the good quality of this episode is a direct result of Lorne cracking the whip behind the scenes after the preceding episode (which I went into a little detail about in my last episode review). I also partly attribute the good quality of this episode to Megan Mullally, who was as solid a host as expected due to her comedy background and likability, and was a breath of fresh air in a season that frustratingly relies less and less on comically-skilled hosts.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey)
a big step up


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Drew Barrymore

Posted on

January 17, 2004 – Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey / G Unit (S29 E10)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS
Howard Dean’s (JER) impolitic phone campaigning hurts his candidacy

— Here we have Jeff’s final big role on SNL, as this ends up being his last episode, unbeknownst to viewers at the time.
— Jeff’s Howard Dean impression has improved from previous appearances.
— Not only is this cold opening lazy and unfunny so far, but it’s kind of a mess, as the constant bleeping of Jeff-as-Howard-Dean’s expletives keep occurring at the wrong times, accidentally revealing that Jeff is saying the word “fork” instead of the f-word.
— I finally got a laugh just now, when Chris asked Jeff’s Dean if he’s taken any of his medication.
— Kinda ironic how Jeff gets to deliver his very first “Live from New York…” (in a very screechy voice, at that) in what ends up being his final episode.
— Okay, now to address Jeff’s departure. To this day, it’s still a big mystery among SNL fans why Jeff suddenly disappears from SNL mid-season and whether he was fired or willingly left on his own. There’s been lots of different stories over the years of what exactly happened, but there’s never been full confirmation. However, there’s one version of the story that I personally believe is 100% true. Back at this time in the early-mid 2000s, an SNL insider (I don’t know what his exact association with SNL was, but I’d guess he was an SNL intern or crew member) posted every now and then on the SNL newsgroup (alt.tv.snl) under the mysterious username of He Who Knows, and would occasionally drop some interesting behind-the-scenes info about the then-current SNL that only someone who works on the show would have knowledge of. He appeared to be a legitimate SNL source, as his inside info always turned out to be 100% valid. In a newsgroup thread from mid-February 2004 where some members of the newsgroup were discussing Jeff’s mysterious mid-season disappearance (the thread is here, but it’s difficult to link correctly to newsgroup threads, so please forgive me if the link doesn’t work properly), He Who Knows confirmed one poster’s claim that Jeff was fired, by responding “[Jeff] also did not listen to direcxtion [sic] and performance notes. He messed up a Dean bit and ignored direction.” So, apparently, not only was Jeff indeed fired, but a big reason for this abrupt mid-season firing of his is because he refused to follow directions he was given for the “Dean bit” (referring to the Howard Dean cold opening from the episode I’m currently reviewing), which would explain why the timing of the constant bleeping in said Howard Dean cold opening was so off, as I mentioned earlier in this review. So, folks, please remember all of this the next time you see someone claim that Jeff allegedly left SNL on his own accord. Further proof that Jeff was fired is the fact that Lorne fired a few of the writers around the same time of Jeff’s disappearance. Lorne was reportedly VERY unhappy with this season’s quality, and his mid-season firings of Jeff and some of the writers was his way of scaring the rest of the cast and writing staff into improving the show. It seems Lorne was fully aware that the quality of the show was gradually headed for another season 20-type debacle.
STARS: *½


MONOLOGUE
The Lachey Family Fun Time Happy Hour is hosts’ cheesy variety show

— We immediately start off with tepid “Jessica Simpson is dumb” gags. Blah.
— Hmm, an out-of-the-ordinary turn with this becoming a 1970s variety show. This could be kinda fun, even if I’m rarely a fan of musical monologues.
— Nick’s microphone during the variety show isn’t working, forcing him to eventually speak into Jessica’s mic.
— The ending bit with Jessica misreading the name G Unit as “gun it” was a joke that was already used earlier that week in one of the SNL promos that Jessica and Nick did.
— Overall, meh. I initially thought the whole variety show turn would be fun, but this ended up doing very little for me.
STARS: **


TYLENOL EXTREME
Tylenol Extreme is specifically formulated to relieve testicular trauma

— Finally, a new commercial, after countless way-too-early repeated commercials this season.
— Boy, this is awful. Lots of hacky-ass cheap humor here. Not sure this beats sitting through another rerun of that tepid Gaystrogen ad for the billionth time this season.
— Okay, I finally got a laugh just now, from the fake-out with Chris swinging nunchucks, which initially makes you think THAT’S how he’s going to accidentally hit himself in the testicles, only for some guy to randomly come up to Chris and kick him in the groin.
STARS: *½


Z105
Jessica unwittingly abets Joey Mack’s character assassination of Nick

— Jimmy’s Joey Mack wig seems to have changed a bit from previous appearances, as it looks shorter tonight.
— Some laughs from Jessica fittingly believing Joey Mack’s various voices and slanderous claims about Nick are real.
— Ha, we get a particularly energetic “And we’re BAAAAAACK!!!” from Joey Mack just now.
— I still think Joey Mack’s black weatherman voice is Jimmy’s way of deliberately doing a thinly-veiled Tracy Morgan impression. Just now, he even said “Sweet like bear meat”, a phrase that’s often associated with Tracy.
— I’m glad this is going into a bit of a different direction from the previous installments of this sketch.
STARS: ***


EL CANTADOR
(SEM) & (AMP) patronize a Mexican restaurant cum performing arts school

— Some funny lines during Seth and Amy’s domestic argument.
— Good use of Jessica and Nick’s singing voices.
— Ehh, I’m starting to get kinda tired of the bits with Jessica and Nick’s characters.
— Horatio steals this sketch (in a good way for once) with his funny singing of “She Blinded Me With Science”.
— An okay ending.
STARS: **½


AMERICAN IDOL
already-famous singers fail to impress Simon Cowell (CHP)

— A fairly interesting concept of already-famous singers auditioning for American Idol.
— Jessica’s Britney Spears impression is pretty funny.
— Nick is making me laugh in his imitation of Scott Stapp’s (or, as this sketch called, “The guy from Creed”) ridiculous overdramatic facial expressions and gestures.
— A lot of Chris-as-Simon-Cowell’s “witty” insults are coming off weak and unfunny.
— Finesse In A Dress alert.
STARS: ***


MTV FUTURE
50 years into the future, elderly hosts haven’t changed much

— I love the “MTV Future” programs mentioned in passing at the beginning of this, such as “The Real World: Uranus”, elderly Olsen Twins hosting the 2054 Video Music Awards, and a grown-up Blanket Jackson (with a blanket still covering his head) being a guest in said Video Music Awards.
— Pretty bold prediction from SNL that Nick and Jessica would still be together 50 years from now. As we know now, they ended up not even lasting TWO years (or thereabouts) after tonight’s episode.
— Some decent laughs throughout the scenes with an elderly Jessica and Nick.
STARS: ***


AMERICAN BEEF COUNCIL
Paris Hilton (Jessica) & Nicole Richie (RAD) downplay mad cow disease

— Really, SNL? THREE consecutive sketches based off of reality shows (American Idol, Newlyweds, and The Simple Life)?!? Further proof that this Tina Fey era of SNL is gradually becoming more and more pop culture-obsessed and celebrity gossip-obsessed, much to SNL’s detriment.
— Rachel’s Nicole Richie is fairly funny.
— Not too many laughs here, and this feels like such a dull setting to put Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie impressions into.
STARS: **


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Stunt 101”


WEEKEND UPDATE
Michael Jackson (AMP) invites JIF & TIF to a party at Neverland Ranch

Donald Trump (DAH) gives advice to JIF & TIF regarding their appearance

excitable JIF gets angry when two guitars are thrown past him

Patrick & Gunther Kelly explain judicial appointment process with a song

— Much like a few Weekend Updates ago, Tina opens tonight’s Update with two super-hacky and unfunny Michael Jackson jokes.
— I see Jimmy’s still rocking that god-awful Dudley Moore hairstyle from the last episode.
— OH, NO. A walk-on from Amy’s baffling Michael Jackson impression. I hate how SNL is pushing this as one of their big celebrity impressions in this era.
— Didn’t care AT ALL for Amy’s overall MJ commentary. Not a single laugh from me.
— Yikes, a lot of Jimmy and Tina’s jokes tonight are fucking awful.
— Darrell’s Trump wig lookin’ particularly goofy tonight.
— Blah, this Trump commentary focusing on Jimmy and Trump’s hair feels like a bad precursor to a controversy from Jimmy’s Tonight Show interview with Trump years later around 2015/2016. I can’t quite remember what the controversy was about; something about Jimmy giving such a softball interview to the controversial then-presidential-candidate Trump and attempting to make him come off likable by playing with his hair, or something like that? Is that correct?
— Oh, I absolutely HATE the turn in this already-unfunny Darrell-as-Trump Update commentary, with him making super-sleazy comments to Tina. These super-sleazy comments are not funny in the least, for the same reason I had a problem with the Trump cold opening that SNL did in the preceding episode: it feels too much like SNL is just quoting unfunny sexist shit that the real Trump would say nowadays, which is too on-the-nose by today’s standards to laugh at like I would’ve back in 2004.
— Not even Tina’s usual Arnold Schwarzenegger voice imitation bits are working for me anymore. Tonight’s just feels self-indulgent, as if Tina’s just doing it to satisfy herself instead of the audience. Even the audience initially failed to applaud at the end of Tina’s Schwarzenegger bit tonight and had to be prompted to applaud after some silence.
— What the holy fuck was Jimmy’s Jack White/guitar-throwing bit all about? That was awful and baffling. Man, tonight’s Update is a fucking TRAINWRECK.
— Didn’t care for Tina’s side segment about which celebrity is endorsing which democratic candidate. It also ended with awkward silence from the audience, where they again had to be prompted to applaud. Tonight’s Update continues to be a trainwreck.
— I hated hearing an off-camera Tina cheer Jimmy’s Star Jones joke, because knowing Tina and her seeming obsession with Star Jones, she probably wrote that shit herself.
— Oh, are you fucking kidding me? A return of Jimmy’s stupid Jack White/guitar-throwing bit from earlier in this Update, after it fell horribly flat the first time?!? (*sigh*) Tonight’s Update is DESTROYING me.
— Ah, finally, a bright spot in this mess of an Update: the return of Will and Fred’s Kelly Brothers characters.
— Even though these Kelly Brothers commentaries always use the exact same basic joke, it always works for me, as long as SNL doesn’t eventually overuse these characters.
— Funny ending to Kelly Brothers’ song.
— Overall, even with the reliable Kelly Brothers commentary as the sole saving grace, this was possibly the worst Weekend Update of the entire Fallon/Fey era, and possibly the lowest rating I’m giving to an SNL news segment since all the way back in the Dick Ebersol years, which were a Dark Age for SNL’s news segment. Get used to this low rating, folks, as I’m probably going to be dishing it out quite often during the upcoming Fey/Poehler era of Update, which I personally consider to be another Dark Age for SNL’s news segment.
STARS: *½


THE SHARON OSBOURNE SHOW
Sue Johanson (RAD) displays sex toys

— Not crazy about seeing this sketch back, given the fact that I didn’t care for it the first time.
— Is one of those dogs the same one that Jessica was holding in the Paris Hilton/Nicole Richie sketch earlier tonight? (side-by-side comparison below)

— The cute dogs have been the only enjoyment I’ve been getting from this weak sketch so far. Cute dogs being the sole highlight of a tepid sketch is bringing back unwanted flashbacks of the Dog Show sketches from the late 90s/early 00s.
— Amy is overusing that staccato pet voice she’s talking to one of the dogs in, to the point of genuine annoyance.
— Jessica and Nick’s Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro sloppily tongue-kissing each other was more gross than funny.
— Rachel’s delivery of “I’m experiencing engorgement” was the first thing I found funny in this entire sketch so far.
— Overall, this was even worse than the first installment of this sketch.
STARS: *½


SIDE NOTE: During a shot of SNL’s studio in the middle of the commercial break right now, we get a close-up of Garrett Morris in the audience!


VICTORIA’S SECRET
(KET) helps his old aunt (MAR) pick out panties at Victoria’s Secret

— Some funny genital euphemisms from Maya’s old lady character.
— I like the part with Maya flashing Nick and Jessica and asking them if they like the various things they’re seeing and that “it’ll blow ya mind.”
— The ending with Jessica and Nick fell very flat.
STARS: ***


NUTS JINGLES
Bubba Sparxxx’ (HOS) nut industry jingles venture into homoeroticism

— This was cut from the preceding Jennifer Aniston-hosted episode.
— Chris’ “In a nutshell” pun early on in this sketch fell horribly flat, even if that was the point. It was poorly delivered, though (a rare criticism of the usually on-point Chris Parnell), and Jessica’s bad timing also helped mess up the joke.
— This feels kinda like a homoerotic, rap-themed variation of the Nut-Riffic sketch from the first episode of season 20. Not exactly a sketch you want to be emulating.
— Chris’ over-the-top facial reaction to the second homoerotic nut rap was kinda funny, but I’m just desperate for a laugh by this point.
— Lots of hacky, lazy homoerotic humor here. Even the Nut-Riffic sketch is coming off high-brow compared to this.
— Ugh, to make the season 20-ness of this sketch complete, we end this sketch with a spinning newspaper headline, a common staple of shitty season 20 sketches.
STARS: *


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest & Joe [real] perform “Wanna Get To Know You”


DYNACORP
Chicken Of The Sea & other confusing brand-name foods flummox Jessica

— Our obligatory parody of Jessica’s infamous Chicken Of The Sea confusion from her and Nick’s reality show.
— I’m loving this. There are a lot of laughs from the increasingly confusing and convoluted Chicken Of The Sea-esque products, well-delivered by Chris’ always-reliable voice-over work.
— Jessica is really starting to overdo it with the exaggerated dumbfounded facial reactions.
— Funny walk-on from Will as a singing chicken.
— What the hell was with the awkward way Jessica just walked off at the end while mugging the camera? Dammit, Jessica, don’t derail this great sketch for me.
STARS: ****½


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A rough episode. There were a few things to like, but, aside from the DynaCorp gem that was buried at the end of the show, absolutely NONE of it was worth remembering. And a lot of what was bad was particularly brutal, including possibly the worst Weekend Update of the entire Fallon/Fey era.
— It feels like this season is gradually getting worse and worse with each passing episode. I think each episode has been a step down from the last one ever since the Andy Roddick episode all the way back in early November. And, geez, there hasn’t been an episode that I felt remotely highly about since the FOURTH episode of the season (Kelly Ripa), and even that had a couple of really angering setbacks. Besides that Ripa episode and the Justin Timberlake one, this season’s episodes have ranged from just average to horrible. No wonder Lorne felt the need to crack the whip behind the scenes after tonight’s episode.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Jennifer Aniston)
a mild step down


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Megan Mullally

Posted on

January 10, 2004 – Jennifer Aniston / Black Eyed Peas (S29 E9)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

A MESSAGE FROM DONALD TRUMP
Donald Trump (DAH) intends to bring his brand of class to other NBC shows

— Darrell’s Donald Trump impression appears for the first time in years. Coincidentally, the last time it appeared was the last time tonight’s host, Jennifer Aniston, hosted, back in season 25. Not only that, but Darrell’s Trump appearance in the last Aniston episode was also a straight-to-camera address-to-the-nation cold opening like tonight’s is.
— Darrell’s Trump impression has really improved from the version he did prior to this. He’s got a much better grasp on Trump’s voice here.
— Just now, it even sounds like Darrell imitated Trump’s way of saying “yuuuge”, which surprises me, as I thought it wasn’t until more recent years that Trump was known for saying that.
— I’m not finding myself laughing here. A lot of these super sleazy comments from Darrell’s Trump are, in retrospect, now sadly way too realistic to laugh at anymore. These super sleazy lines no longer come off as a comical mockery or exaggeration of the real Trump – they now depressingly come off as verbatim unfunny sleazy Trump quotes.
— Now this cold opening gets crashed by Jimmy’s Jeff Zucker, which is a bit of a relief, even though he’s not adding much funniness here either.
— IIRC, when E! used to air the syndicated 60-minute version of this episode, they bleeped out the last word in Darrell-as-Trump’s line “You ever been kicked in the balls?”, which is just one of many reasons why E! was the absolutely wrong channel to be airing SNL reruns.
STARS: *½


MONOLOGUE
Joey (HOS) gets suicidal when Rachel (host) spurns him in Friends finale

— Much like the last time SNL did a Friends sketch, in Matthew Perry’s season 23 episode, it’s pretty fun seeing the cast’s impressions of Friends characters, but I feel the season 23 cast was more successful in their impressions.
— Ugh, a cheap gimmick having Horatio play Joey, though maybe I’m just biased against this casting because I cannot stand Horatio anymore by this point of his tenure and hate how SNL is encouraging his worst tendencies as a performer.
— Jimmy’s Ross impression is surprisingly terrible and has nothing on Chris Kattan’s eerily spot-on Ross impression from the aforementioned season 23 Friends sketch.
— A huge laugh from the unexpected off-camera self-inflicted gunshot from Joey. Funny and very dark.
— When the camera cuts back to Jennifer Aniston on the home base stage after the Friends “clip” ends, I remember thinking when this originally aired that it was a real gaffe that Jennifer had a worried reaction when realizing she forgot to remove her jacket from the Friends “clip”. However, according to someone who was in the audience at this episode’s dress rehearsal, she did the same “gaffe” there, proving that it was scripted, presumably as SNL’s tongue-in-cheek way of pointing out that the Friends “clip” was performed live and wasn’t pre-taped. Still, something about the jacket-removal bit came off kinda awkwardly executed by Jennifer.
STARS: ***


PAPARAZZI
(host) & fellow red carpet paparazza (AMP) pester celebs for photo poses

— Oh, no. I’ve always hated these recurring Paparazzi sketches that SNL does this season, this being the first of them.
— This at least seems to be a way for Jennifer to comically vent her real-life frustrations with the paparazzi, which may be fun for her to do, but certainly not for me to watch.
— The fact that this is undeservedly placed as the lead-off sketch of the night is more evidence of how way too pop culture-obsessed and celebrity gossip-obsessed this Tina Fey era of SNL is increasingly becoming. This really hits a nadir at one point the following season, where a sketch about freakin’ Star Jones’ honeymoon is the lead-off sketch of an episode.
— Didn’t care for the bit with Kirstie Alley being mistaken for Steven Seagal.
— Meh, a cheap attempt at laughs with Jimmy’s Steven Seagal kicking Amy in the face, which did nothing for me.
STARS: *½


VEGAS WEDDING
Britney Spears (host) & Jason Allen Alexander (JIF) rush into marriage

— (*sigh*) The early placement of this sketch is yet more proof that the Tina Fey era of SNL is getting way too pop culture-obsessed and celebrity gossip-obsessed, though I’m well-aware that a parody of this notorious Britney Spears/Jason Allen Alexander marriage debacle was obligatory. Either way, I’m starting to get the feeling that tonight’s episode just isn’t for me.
— Boy, I am two minutes into this sketch, and I have been freakin’ stone-faced during its entirety so far.
— Okay, I got a laugh from the camera cutting back to the clock as if we were getting yet another of many time-lapsed scene transitions, only for a graphic to show up onscreen saying “One second later”, followed by the camera cutting back to the scene that we were just watching.
— Terrible ending.
STARS: *½


GAYSTROGEN
Rerun from 10/18/03. We’re only halfway through the season, and they’ve already aired this Gaystrogen commercial too many times. In fact, I don’t understand how SNL has already rerun so many of this season’s commercials in general by such an early point in this season.


DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL COMMITTEE
losing Democratic candidates tell voters that Howard Dean is unelectable

— What was with Seth’s long pause after he opened this sketch with “Hello, America. I’m Senator John Kerry”?
— When the camera first shows all of the candidates in one shot, Jimmy’s Wesley Clark is oddly missing from the shot at first, then he can be seen casually walking into the shot and taking his place while still buttoning his suit, showing that Jimmy was genuinely late arriving for this sketch due to having to do a fast costume change after the Britney sketch. Very sloppy moment there.
— Kenan’s Al Sharpton impression makes its debut.
— Amy is funny as Dennis Kucinich. Also, nice touch with the wonky eyes whenever she blinks, which reminds me a little of Chris Kattan’s portrayal of Clay Aiken in an American Idol cold opening from the preceding season.
— And now we see during a close-up of Jimmy that his Wesley Clark wig has been ill-applied during his aforementioned fast costume change, as the left side of his wig isn’t sticking to his head, causing the left side of his real hair to be revealed underneath (the fourth above screencap for this sketch). Again, very sloppy.
— Overall, some laughs, but this sketch was nothing great overall.
STARS: **½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Where Is The Love?”


WEEKEND UPDATE
Steve Irwin (JER) may have just accidentally fed his baby to a crocodile

inspired by Pete Rose, O.J. Simpson (FIM) nearly confesses to murder

from Baghdad, one-man mobile uplink unit ALF relays soldiers’ messages

— Okay, Jimmy is certainly known for having a lot of questionable hairstyles during his SNL days. But, Jesus Christ, his new hairstyle in tonight’s episode is PARTICULARLY hideous. Since when was the Dudley Moore hairstyle the “in” look?
— Jeff’s brief Steve Irwin performance was kinda fun, but the commentary itself came off a little pointless, ended dumbly, and got no real laughs from me.
— Finesse as O.J.? Blah. This casting not only feels wrong because of Tim Meadows’ definitive and fun take on O.J. back in the day, but also because Finesse’s castmate Kenan would later do a semi-regular take on O.J. that would eventually grow on me.
— Hmm, turns out Finesse is actually doing a good impression of O.J.’s voice. He actually sounds much more like him than Tim or Kenan ever have, but I still find their impressions funnier.
— The overall O.J./Phil Spector/Robert Blake commentary was only fairly funny, but nothing memorable.
— Tina is way too animated in tonight’s Update. She’s following up an awful lot of jokes of hers tonight with unnecessary ad-libs, mugging, and/or goofy laughter.
— Oh, fuck yeah! The return of Al Franken’s One Man Mobile Uplink Unit routine! Shame on the audience for not applauding after Tina introduced him. Then again, this segment is pre-taped, which may explain why the audience refrained from applauding (or SNL refrained from lighting the “Applause” signs).
— During Al’s commentary, the soldier’s angry reaction to finding out his wife is having a baby that’s not his is funny, though after a while, it makes no sense why he’s continuing to angrily mutter about “that bitch” after it’s revealed that Al got the wrong husband and wife.
STARS: **½


SADDAM & OSAMA
beleaguered Saddam Hussein (HOS) & Osama bin Laden (JIF) chat via phone

— As much as I’ve been complaining about Horatio lately, and as much as I generally consider the Fallon/Sanz comedy duo to be sketch comedy poison, I have no real complaints about seeing a second installment of this Osama/Saddam sketch. The Fallon/Sanz shtick just strangely works in this setting. I don’t fully know why, but it just does.
— Jimmy’s been having a very busy night so far in this episode, appearing in tons of sketches. I wonder if this is SNL’s way of making up for the fact that, in the first half of this season, Jimmy’s airtime was reduced due to him being busy filming the movie Taxi.
— When Horatio’s Saddam prank-called Jimmy’s Osama at the beginning of this sketch, it’s sad that Horatio’s brief George W. Bush vocal impression was actually much better than Darrell’s Bush impression. How the hell does Horatio Fucking Sanz outdo Darrell Hammond at a celebrity impression???
— I got a big laugh from Jimmy-as-Osama’s comment about imaging Horatio’s Saddam looking like Ron Jeremy in an orange suit, which is actually an accurate description of Horatio’s Saddam.
— Feels kinda unnecessary for Jimmy’s Osama to reprise the funny “I will listen, it’s a phone!” line from the first Osama/Saddam sketch, a line that kinda fell flat tonight, though that’s partly due to Horatio mistakenly talking over Jimmy when Jimmy delivered the line.
— Fred’s “A little too much information, Osaaamaaaaaa!” line was a poor variation of his much funnier “Awkwaaaarrrrrrd!” line from the first Osama/Saddam sketch.
— Like in the last Osama/Saddam sketch that Jimmy and Horatio did, they’re making lots of fun and charming ad-libs throughout.
— Overall, while some of the lines fell kinda flat and there were an awful lot of silent pauses between some of the lines (something I’ve become all too accustomed to seeing from Horatio, but it still bugs the shit out of me), I still enjoyed this sketch as a whole. These Osama/Saddam sketches continue to be a rare successful utilization of the Fallon/Sanz duo by this point of both performers’ respective SNL tenure, even if the first Osama/Saddam sketch was a little better, in my opinion.
STARS: ***


COUNTRY ROSES
feuding vocalists (host) & (MAR) featured on album

— Pretty fun how the female cast is each playing multiple country singers in this sketch, with quick costume/wig changes between scenes. Reminds me of that fun NFL Players Intros sketch that SNL would later do in the Chris Pratt-hosted season premiere of season 40, where each male cast member had to play multiple football players stating their crime during their intro shot.
— Amy’s lyrics as the various singers she’s playing are funny.
— Okay, after a while, I’m starting to not care anymore for for where this sketch is going.
— Okay, this sketch is winning me back over with the escalation of how the respective singers’ songs are starting to have a disturbing connection to the other singers’ songs, such as the whole marriage affair detailed in Maya and Jennifer’s respective songs.
— This is over already? Aw, I actually wanted the aforementioned escalation to continue. It was just starting to get interesting and dark.
STARS: ***


COCO & MATSUI SUPER SHOW
host interviews herself in Japan

— (*sigh*) Oh, dear god. Looks like I’m in for Asian stereotypes galore.
— Ugh, the constant crying from Maya and Fred is just plain annoying.
— Okay, we get an actual fairly funny turn with Jennifer desperately resorting to interviewing herself while Maya and Fred look on.
STARS: **½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Hey Mama”


APPALACHIAN EMERGENCY ROOM
white trash patients present oddball injuries

— This sketch makes its debut.
— The voice Amy’s using is freakin’ hilarious.
— I love the goofy look of Chris’ character.
— Jimmy’s extremely busy night continues. He’s been all over tonight’s episode.
— Not caring for Jimmy’s performance here, and I can’t help but get a bit of a Sandler vibe from his over-the-top outburst at the end of his scene. A season 20 Sandler vibe, to be more specific. If you remind me of season 20 Adam Sandler, that’s almost never a good thing.
— Aside from Jimmy, I’m finding the goofy redneck characterizations throughout this sketch to be fun.
— Ugh, and now, shortly after Jimmy almost derailed this otherwise enjoyable sketch, it’s Horatio’s turn. Not even the fun atmosphere of this sketch can make me like Horatio’s typical annoying hamminess and cracking-up-at-himself habit. Kinda ironic how I had a rare positive reaction to a Fallon & Sanz team-up sketch earlier tonight (Saddam & Osama), but then Jimmy and Horatio both individually almost derail this Appalachian Emergency Room sketch for me while not even appearing with each other.
— Very funny ending with Chris.
STARS: ***½


RAW TALK
phone sex operator’s (host) G-rated terminology turns off callers

— I love the juxtaposition of Chris’ very professional demeanor and raunchy leather vest & belt.
— Pretty funny characterization from Jennifer, but I’m not finding myself laughing all that much at her comically hokey sex talk.
— This is a sketch where early-era Kenan Thompson’s over-the-top Nickelodeon-esque mugging actually makes me laugh instead of bugs me. That being said, the “wiener man” ending between him and Jennifer was kinda weak.
STARS: **


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A weak episode. The first half of the show in particular had very little that I liked and a lot that I hated. Even at its best, tonight’s episode had no strong standout highly-rated sketches, which is starting to become an awfully common trait in this season’s episodes. This episode is especially a letdown when compared to Jennifer Aniston’s previous episode, which is one of my personal all-time favorites for reasons explained in my review of it.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Elijah Wood)
a mild step down


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey, making this SNL’s first episode in 10 years to have two hosts. It’s also the final episode before Jeff Richards’ SNL tenure comes to an abrupt end.

Posted on

December 13, 2003 – Elijah Wood / Jet (S29 E8)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

HARDBALL WITH CHRIS MATTHEWS
jilted Joe Lieberman (CHP) & coy Hillary Clinton (AMP) campaign

— Amy’s Hillary Clinton impression makes its debut. I had forgotten until now that the first few years Amy plays Hillary, she wears that ridiculous prosthetic big nose. It baffled me back then, and it baffles me now. Hillary Clinton doesn’t have a big or distinctive-looking nose, so why make Amy’s Hillary look like she has one? It’s like when SNL pointlessly had Chris wear a prosthetic nose the first time he played George W. Bush.
— Boy, Darrell’s Chris Matthews is going particularly heavy on the comical analogies, much to this sketch’s detriment. The analogies ain’t that funny for this cold opening to be relying so heavily on.
— Pretty funny bit with Amy’s Hillary simultaneously denying that she’ll run for president and teasing that she will, though I swear SNL used this joke with another politician either before or after tonight’s episode.
— Kenan in a dress.
— A funny comment from Kenan’s Carol Moseley Braun about female black Jewish ninjas.
— Ugh, this was around the time where comedies overused the gag of un-hip white people talking in “fo shizzle” speak. That has not aged well, in my opinion.
— Overall, these Hardball sketches seem to be running out of steam lately. The preceding season, these Hardball sketches consistently knocked it out of the park. This season, on the other hand, Hardball sketches have been just average so far.
STARS: ***


MONOLOGUE
ambivalent toward SNL, Gollum (CHK) plugs sitcom co-starring host

— Chris Kattan makes his SECOND cameo in just the first half of this season alone, after leaving the cast at the end of the preceding season. Is he on his way to becoming to this season what Jon Lovitz was to season 16? At least Lovitz was someone you didn’t mind seeing back, plus SNL would make self-deprecating jokes about Lovitz’s constant cameos.
— At least Kattan’s Gollum impression is always pretty fun.
— Instead of having Kattan do a self-deprecating joke about his constant cameos, SNL goes the opposite direction by having Kattan’s Gollum claim “The show’s been sucking wind ever since Chris Kattan left!”, though I know it’s just a tongue-in-cheek line.
— I love the cheesy Gollum/Frodo sitcom opening credits and theme song, being a spot-on amalgamation of the credits and themes from many classic sitcoms.
STARS: ***


BOYS CHOIR
high-voiced school choir rivals (host), (JIF), (WLF) test their range

— It feels odd in retrospect seeing Kenan play this type of utility role so early in his SNL tenure. He doesn’t yet have the solid leadership skills that he has nowadays. In this sketch, I’m not finding him very believable as a school teacher. He looks more like his Nickelodeon-era kid self wearing a big fake mustache to play a grown-up.
— Of the three guys, Will’s falsetto voice is by far the funniest. The other two guys’ falsettos aren’t making me laugh much, though the interplay between all three guys is fairly entertaining.
— Jimmy: “Suck my vocal chord, Manville.”
— Funny bit with Jimmy and Will repeatedly punching Elijah Wood in groin to get his deepening voice back to its former higher pitch.
— This sketch would later be replaced with the dress rehearsal version in reruns, in which Jimmy breaks hard and laughs his way through several portions of the sketch.
STARS: ***


QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY
makeover updates Santa’s (HOS) look

— The guys are fine in their portrayal of the Queer Eye guys, but I’m not finding myself laughing much here.
— At least Jimmy and Horatio managed to get through a scene together without fucking anything up, for once.
— The Queer Eye guys are right: Rachel does look adorable as Mrs. Claus.
— A laugh from the little boy telling the made-over Santa that he looks like Kathy Bates.
STARS: **


TV FUNHOUSE
by RBS- George W. Bush garb tracks photo op milieu

— Believe it or not, this is the first TV Funhouse since all the way back in the first episode of this season. Ever since TV Funhouse debuted in season 22, I don’t think there’s ever been THIS long of a gap between cartoons up until this point. So I take it Smigel’s been busy this season working on and plugging his Triumph The Insult Comic Dog CD?
— Some laughs from President Bush’s outfits ridiculously relating to where he’s giving his speech.
— The ape-humping scene is cheap but funny, and reminds me of the typical humor from early Fun With Real Audio cartoons.
STARS: ***


WAKE UP WAKEFIELD!
Megan falls for Sheldon’s trumpeter friend (host)

— This recurring sketch makes its first appearance of the season, and, believe it or not, ends up being the last appearance until much later in March 2006, where it makes its final appearance.
— Interesting change having the SNL host play a member of Wake Up Wakefield’s house band, Jazz Times Ten.
— As usual, funny lines from Sheldon all throughout this.
— As much as Horatio’s typical hamminess has been driving me mad this season, it still works for me as his teacher character in these Wake Up Wakefield sketches.
— When Elijah’s character and Megan are flirting with each other, I like Sheldon constantly saying “No. This isn’t happening. No”, even though I don’t quite understand why he’s saying that.
STARS: ***


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Are You Gonna Be My Girl”


WEEKEND UPDATE
unintelligible lyrics of John Mayer’s (JIF) holiday song lack clarity

Whitney Houston (MAR) & daughter Bobbi (KET) do “Little Drummer Boy” duet

— That awful Kabbalah joke is our obligatory cringey Tina Fey joke of the week.
— Interesting change of pace for Update, with Jimmy doing a segment as John Mayer on a set separate from the Update set.
— The whole “blah blah blah” thing with Jimmy’s John Mayer? Ehhh. In past viewings of this episode, I’ve gone back-and-forth between finding this bit stupidly funny and finding it just plain stupid. I found it to be the latter during my current viewing. Didn’t make me laugh.
— I think I spoke to soon about our obligatory cringey Tina Fey joke of the week, because what the holy fuck was her whole over-the-top rant about Iraq contracts going for just now? (*sigh*) Tina continues to go badly downhill these past two seasons and lose so much of her spark, while Jimmy continues to get better and better and also develop a solid habit of delivering deadpan, blunt Norm Macdonald-type jokes that work.
— I really like the “I guess we’re gonna have this baby” side bit between Jimmy and Tina. At least Tina is still always reliable when doing this type of side bit with Jimmy, which I’m going to miss after this season, as this is Jimmy’s final season.
— Kenan in a dress. Fucking TWICE tonight.
— Odd how Kenan is lip-syncing to actual audio of the real Bobbi Kristina Brown singing, when you would expect SNL to just have Kenan himself sing in a high-pitched voice.
— This Bobbi Kristina/Whitney/Bobby segment isn’t doing much for me.
STARS: **½


VERSACE EGG NOG
Boy George (host) likes Donatella Versace’s (MAR) designer egg nog

— I like Maya-as-Versace’s little scream when she gets stuck in the chimney at the beginning.
— Funny visual of Elijah’s Boy George in that makeup.
— Unlike his teacher character in the Wake Up Wakefield sketches, Horatio’s typical hamminess DOESN’T work for me when he plays Rosie O’Donnell.
— Fucking ugh. There goes ANOTHER display of Horatio’s horrible habit of awkwardly pausing before delivering some lines. (*sigh*) For fuck’s sake, Horatio. Why do you always DO that?!?
— So many cheap attempts at laughs in this sketch. Blah. Very little of this is working for me. These Versace sketches have really fallen off lately. I can’t remember the last good one. I think the Versace Pockets one from the first episode of the preceding season was the last one I liked.
STARS: **


HOWARD DEAN FOR AMERICA
Al Gore’s (DAH) anti-Bush extremism chagrins endorsee Howard Dean (JER)

— Always good to see Darrell’s Al Gore impression.
— A very slow-paced sketch. The hyperbole from Darrell’s Gore regarding how awful of a president George W. Bush is has some laughs, but this sketch is DRAGGING. Yet another example of how boring, dull, and overly talky Jim Downey’s political writing has become these past two seasons.
STARS: **


THE RIALTO GRANDE
Buddy Mills consoles young comic with abandonment issues (host)

— Much like Tracy Morgan getting to do a Brian Fellow sketch when cameoing in the preceding episode, I see SNL is trying to make Kattan feel at home tonight by bringing back these Rialto Grande sketches. You really start to get the feeling that Tracy and Kattan never even left the show. This also continues this season’s experimental theme of treating certain special guests as an uncredited co-host. Kinda reminds me of how, in late season 11 and early-mid season 12, certain special guests like Marvelous Marvin Hagler, Christopher Durang, and Paulina Porizkova would appear in almost as many sketches as the host.
— Kattan seems to have added a new aspect to his Buddy Mills character, where he’s doing lots of sudden vocal pitch changes during his talk with Elijah right now. It’s kinda working for me, but I can see it annoying some people.
— Like I usually say, Fred-as-Mackey’s delayed rimshot occurring during an emotional, teary-eyed breakdown from the character played by the host never fails to slay me EVERY. DAMN. TIME.
— This ends up being the last time we ever see this recurring sketch. Interesting how every single installment of this sketch appeared in the calendar year 2003.
STARS: ****


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Look What You’ve Done”


GOODNIGHTS
host, CHK, castmembers end the show from Rockefeller Center skating rink

— Ice skating goodnights!
— Much like the original ice skating goodnights from season 2’s Candice Bergen episode, Elijah, Kattan, and the cast are dressed in old-timey costumes from (I think) A Christmas Carol.
— I feel bad for laughing at a wobbly Kattan falling flat on the ice IMMEDIATELY after finally stabilizing himself on his skates. Hope he didn’t hurt himself, as that looked like a pretty nasty fall.

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A fairly disappointing Christmas episode. Almost nothing in it was memorable, quite a number of segments were weak, and the only sketch I found strong was just the return of a former cast member’s recurring sketch where the same basic thing happens in every single installment, even though it always works (Rialto Grande).


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Al Sharpton)
a mild step down


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
We enter the year 2004, with host Jennifer Aniston

Posted on

December 6, 2003 – Rev. Al Sharpton / Pink (S29 E7)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

EQUAL TIME TV
NBC satisfies equal time rule by incorporating candidates into programs

— Interesting characterization from Jimmy Fallon in his Jeff Zucker impression.
— Some laughs from the incongruous placement of presidential candidates on NBC shows.
— Okay, Fallon is starting to get out of control with the exaggerated hand mannerisms of his Zucker impression.
— An extremely crazed “Live from New York…” delivery from Fallon, most likely because this is only his second time saying it, if you can believe it (not counting the Weekend Update Super Bowl Halftime Special from the preceding season, where he said LFNY with Tina Fey). He delivered his first LFNY in a fairly crazed manner too, IIRC.
STARS: ***


OPENING MONTAGE
— For some reason, the “Recorded from an earlier live broadcast” disclaimer, which is usually only reserved for reruns, is shown early in tonight’s opening montage, despite the fact that this is the original live broadcast I’m watching of this episode.


MONOLOGUE
host performs “I Feel Good” to show younger self (TRM) he hasn’t sold out

— There’s somebody in the audience who’s “cheering” sounds annoyingly like a chihuahua yapping.
— While it’s pretty soon for a Tracy Morgan cameo, at least he waited more than a mere four episodes, unlike Chris Kattan.
— Some funny interplay between  Sharpton and Morgan.
— Sharpton’s James Brown dancing is pretty fun to watch.
STARS: ***


MOM JEANS
— Rerun from 5/10/03, which is from the preceding season.
— This re-airing alters Maya Rudolph’s voice-over to repurpose it for Christmas instead of Mother’s Day


MICHAEL JACKSON IN A ROLLER COASTER
legal troubles haven’t sunk in to Michael Jackson (AMP)

— Oh, god. Do we really need a variation of that baffling Michael Jackson In A Tree sketch from the preceding season? And the less seen of Amy Poehler’s Michael Jackson impression, the better. I do kinda like the roller coaster setting here, though.
— The funny thing about Sharpton playing Johnnie Cochran is the fact that the real Johnnie Cochran would soon be shown in tonight’s studio audience during a shot of SNL’s studio in the middle of the following commercial break (screencap below).

— Not even Rachel Dratch’s Elizabeth Taylor is giving this sketch the boost she gave the original Michael Jackson In A Tree sketch.
— I do like Horatio Sanz as a random mustached stranger just sitting in the back smiling.
STARS: *½


BRIAN FELLOW’S SAFARI PLANET
Brian Fellow’s brother Ryan (host) plus a seal & a bat

— Boy, is see SNL is wasting no time in making Tracy Morgan feel back at home.
— A bit of a change of pace having Sharpton play Brian Fellow’s brother, co-hosting this edition of the show.
— Unusual for this recurring sketch how Chris Parnell is holding a baby seal that’s clearly mechanical.
— Some good laughs from the short bit with Brian Fellow arguing with his brother over whether or not Frosty The Snowman counts as an animal.
— Interesting casting of Fey.
— Some funny lines from Sharpton throughout this.
— I love Brian Fellow’s reaction to his brother’s witty comment to Fey about Batman.
STARS: ***½


THREE WISE MEN
Bethlehem-bound Magi (host), (TRM), (KET) fall victim to racial profiling

— Wow, Tracy Morgan in yet ANOTHER sketch tonight. Meanwhile, Finesse Mitchell is probably weeping backstage.
— Funny turn with the cop’s grilling of Three Wise Men having parallels to contemporary racial profiling.
— I love the little gag with Fallon’s cop using his torch as a flashlight when trying to see each of the Three Wise Men.
— Sharpton has a little trouble pronouncing “Frankincense”, much like Robert DeNiro in another Three Wise Men sketch (and a particularly wretched one) SNL would do in a John Goodman-hosted episode 10 years later.
— Kenan Thompson’s overacting and mugging is a bit much.
— Nice little touch with the roman numeral phone number at the end.
STARS: ***½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Trouble”


WEEKEND UPDATE
JIF & TIF insult cities not showing SNL tonight

JIF uses double entendres to broach sexual habits of Paris Hilton [real]

 

— Good lord, Fey’s opening Michael Jackson joke was hacky as fuck.
— Lately, Fey has a bad habit of laughing as loud as the audience at some of Fallon’s jokes, as if she never heard them before. This bad habit of Fey’s is especially in full-force tonight.
— I love Fallon’s “For the punchline of this joke, tune in next week when we have a different host” bit in regards to his slavery joke.
— The “Jimmy and Tina yelling at cities that refuse to show Saturday Night Live tonight” segment is a fun variation of the preceding season’s “Jimmy And Tina Yelling At America” segment, though the writing of this one is nowhere near as strong. It’s worth it, though, just to hear Don Pardo conclude it by saying “This is Don Pardo saying, ‘Suck it, Des Moines!’”
— (*sigh*) Hoo, boy. Well, here’s the then-hyped Paris Hilton cameo.
— The sexual puns about “The Paris Hilton” aren’t bad, but man, Hilton’s lack of any kind of comic timing is killing the humor of this for me. You’d figure SNL would learn from this and not even entertain the idea of Hilton ever hosting the show, but… season 30, folks.
— Short Update overall.
STARS: ***


BLACK STEREOTYPES
in 1935, actor (host) doesn’t want movie to perpetuate black stereotypes

— A Weekend Update graphic of Paris Hilton’s name (which never actually showed up during Update) is accidentally displayed onscreen at the beginning of this sketch (screencap below).

— Tracy Morgan in a FOURTH appearance tonight. Between John MacEnroe’s many appearances in the Andy Roddick episode earlier this season, and now this, this season of SNL seems to be experimenting with treating some special guests as an honorary co-host. Interesting.
— Oh, there’s Finesse Mitchell, making his first and only appearance of the night. I love Tracy Morgan, but I can’t help but feel bad that Mitchell, who’s trying to make a name for himself on the show as one of two newbies this season, is being shut out of several black roles tonight that are given to a special guest instead.
— Oh, god. Another pairing of Fallon and Sanz.
— Jesus Christ, Sanz even manages to make his attempt to pull out a movie scene marker come off awkward, and he can be seen giggling at himself when exiting the shot afterwards.
— The camera fails to cut to a shot of Rudolph when she is heard off-camera saying “Whatever you say, Mike!” The shot would later be shown in the rerun version of this sketch, and in that shot, we see that Seth Meyers is playing one of several men hanging out with Rudolph’s character (the other men are played by extras, IIRC), which means Meyers made an appearance in this sketch that the live version didn’t even pick up.
— Am I missing something here? Why is Rudolph’s black 1930s character speaking in an exaggerated, old-timey white New Yorker voice? She sounds Edith Bunker-esque. What is this joke implying?
— The “No women” bit is pretty funny.
— I like Morgan’s reaction to a white guy (Will Forte) being wheeled into the scene in cooking pot at the end of this.
STARS: ***½


REVEREND AL SHARPTON’S CASA DE SUSHI
host doesn’t like raw fish, but he’ll sell it to you at his Casa De Sushi

— The first of many variations of the original Derek Jeter’s Taco Hole sketch. I found that Jeter sketch charming and pretty fun, but worry that the concept might not hold up well in subsequent sketches.
— Very catchy theme song from the four singers, parodying Tupac Shakur’s “California Love”.
— I like Sharpton’s delivery of “This stuff is nasty!” when disposing of a plate of sushi.
— I just realized, I think that’s long-time SNL favorite Akira Yoshimura as the Asian employee standing in the background of this entire sketch (seen on the left side of the below screencap).

— Sanz’s overly hammy take on Harvey Fierstein only succeeds in making me yearn for Jon Lovitz. Speaking of which, I recall hearing that the preceding episode had a sketch cut after dress rehearsal in which host Alec Baldwin played Harvey Fierstein appearing in a show called “Gay Dance Party”.
— And now, Sanz’s crash through a breakaway table only succeeds in making me yearn for Chris Farley. Well, not season 20 Chris Farley, who crashed through breakaway furniture on a damn weekly basis that season, it felt like. But, hell, even Farley’s overwhelming, one-note performances in season 20 are preferable to how awful Sanz has been this season. (And he only gets worse the following season, IIRC.)
— Despite Sanz’s annoying scene, I’m finding this installment of the “non-actor host advertises their own restaurant” sketches to have a charm like the original Derek Jeter one.
STARS: ***


CANDIDATE PARTY
jealous Democratic presidential hopefuls watch SNL during pity party

— A pretty fun gathering of democratic presidential candidate impressions in a unique setting.
— Forte portraying John Edwards as a kiss-ass servant is very funny.
— Some strangely charming corny jokes among the candidates.
— Unlike the last time he played John Kerry in Al Gore’s monologue the preceding season, Meyers appears to be attempting an actual impression of Kerry’s voice here.
— Parnell’s Joe Lieberman: “You’re like David Spade in a Hollywood comedy – it makes sense on paper, but the people just aren’t going for it.” Ooh, random burn at an SNL alum. Perhaps this is Spade’s karma for his notorious slam on Eddie Murphy 8 years prior. Unlike Murphy, Spade seems like he has enough of a sense of humor about himself to not be bothered by the joke.
STARS: ***½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “God Is A DJ”


THE LATOYA JACKSON SHOW
LaToya Jackson’s (MAR) father Joseph (host) & Chaka Kahn (KET)

— Oh, god, another celebrity-hosted talk show sketch in this SNL era.
— Sharpton is displaying a Tracy Morgan-esque odd habit of pronouncing a word various ways, as he goes back and forth between pronouncing “pedophile” the way it’s typically pronounced (“ped-a-file”) and pronouncing it as “ped-a-fill”.
— Thompson in drag again, but I gotta admit, his Chaka Khan having a difficult time singing in a fast tempo is making me laugh, which is more than I can say for anything else in this sketch so far.
— Ugh, I hate the running bit in this sketch with Rudolph’s LaToya Jackson saying “I’m gig-a-ling” (her odd way or pronouncing “I’m giggling”). It’s not even remotely funny. Is that based on something the real LaToya said? If not, I don’t understand why Rudolph’s LaToya keeps saying it.
— Oh, no, we get Poehler’s baffling Michael Jackson impression for the second time tonight. Even in just voice-over form, I dislike the impression.
— Sharpton’s Joseph Jackson: “This show is a travesty!” That’s how I feel about this sketch.
— Blah, the joke with Thompson’s Chaka Khan being out of breath has gotten old.
— Armisen is cracking me up as a cheap Michael Jackson impersonator, but it might just be because I’m so desperate for a laugh by this point.
— Sharpton’s Joseph Jackson, when asked if he had fun on the show: “No, I did not.” Once again, he echoes my feelings towards this sketch.
STARS: *½


TOWN CAR
Vasquez makes conversation while driving host & aide (MAR) across town

— Oh, no, Vasquez has gone back to starring in his own sketches. Blah. I found him semi-tolerable in a supporting role in those adult students sketches, but I find him to be pretty unbearable and baffling when he carries his own sketches.
— Between Sharpton’s lack of acting experience and Sanz’s annoying-as-fuck habit of awkwardly pausing before delivering his lines, there’s an awful lot of dead moments in this sketch where nobody onscreen is saying anything.
— The song playing on radio (which I know is a real song, but I don’t know the name of) is the same song that was used as the theme song to the Community Accents talk show sketch that Vasquez starred in the preceding season.
— Sharpton’s Tracy Morgan-esque odd habit of pronouncing a word in different ways continues, as he pronounces Vasquez’s name as both “Vaz-kez” and “Vaz-kwez” all throughout this sketch, and pronounces “albino” in a very bizarre, stretched-out, stumbly manner (the latter of which provided the only thing close to a laugh I’ve gotten in this sketch so far).
— What the hell is with Vasquez’s fascination of constantly mentioning transvestites?
— This sketch is fucking terrible so far. This Vasquez character is DEATH.
— Oh, god, and now to fittingly close out this sketch, we get an appearance from a transvestite, played by Armisen. Just get this Vasquez sketch off my screen already, SNL.
STARS: *


CRYOGENIX
— Another rerun tonight, this time from 11/8/03. We’re only three months into this season, and this is the second consecutive episode to repeat two commercials, and hell, we almost got THREE repeated commercials in the last episode (the third of which got aborted on the air, as I detailed in that review). Has SNL already blown their budget on commercials this season?


UNEARTHED
ghost of Johnny Cash (DAH) plugs box set & talks about being in Heaven

— A good Johnny Cash impression from Hammond.
— What the holy fuck is with Hammond’s VERY awkward, long pausing while looking at the flying box set?
— Uh… what exactly is the point of this sketch? If it’s trying to be funny, it’s failing miserably. If it’s trying to be a charming Johnny Cash tribute, it’s failing miserably. If it’s supposed to be both funny AND a charming Johnny Cash tribute, it’s failing doubly miserably. Hammond would later do an actual successful funny and charming celebrity tribute the following season, when Rodney Dangerfield passes away.
STARS: *


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A decent first two-thirds of the episode, then the episode died a horrible, horrible death for the remainder of the night. The last three sketches were dreadful and unwatchable. Even at its best, this overall episode didn’t contain anything particularly great or noteworthy. Even the highlights of the night didn’t rise above “pretty good”, in my eyes.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Alec Baldwin)
a mild step down


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Elijah Wood hosts the Christmas episode