Tag: 2003-04

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January 17, 2004 – Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey / G Unit (S29 E10)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS
Howard Dean’s (JER) impolitic phone campaigning hurts his candidacy

— Here we have Jeff’s final big role on SNL, as this ends up being his last episode, unbeknownst to viewers at the time.
— Jeff’s Howard Dean impression has improved from previous appearances.
— Not only is this cold opening lazy and unfunny so far, but it’s kind of a mess, as the constant bleeping of Jeff-as-Howard-Dean’s expletives keep occurring at the wrong times, accidentally revealing that Jeff is saying the word “fork” instead of the f-word.
— I finally got a laugh just now, when Chris asked Jeff’s Dean if he’s taken any of his medication.
— Kinda ironic how Jeff gets to deliver his very first “Live from New York…” (in a very screechy voice, at that) in what ends up being his final episode.
— Okay, now to address Jeff’s departure. To this day, it’s still a big mystery among SNL fans why Jeff suddenly disappears from SNL mid-season and whether he was fired or willingly left on his own. There’s been lots of different stories over the years of what exactly happened, but there’s never been full confirmation. However, there’s one version of the story that I personally believe is 100% true. Back at this time in the early-mid 2000s, an SNL insider (I don’t know what his exact association with SNL was, but I’d guess he was an SNL intern or crew member) posted every now and then on the SNL newsgroup (alt.tv.snl) under the mysterious username of He Who Knows, and would occasionally drop some interesting behind-the-scenes info about the then-current SNL that only someone who works on the show would have knowledge of. He appeared to be a legitimate SNL source, as his inside info always turned out to be 100% valid. In a newsgroup thread from mid-February 2004 where some members of the newsgroup were discussing Jeff’s mysterious mid-season disappearance (the thread is here, but it’s difficult to link correctly to newsgroup threads, so please forgive me if the link doesn’t work properly), He Who Knows confirmed one poster’s claim that Jeff was fired, by responding “[Jeff] also did not listen to direcxtion [sic] and performance notes. He messed up a Dean bit and ignored direction.” So, apparently, not only was Jeff indeed fired, but a big reason for this abrupt mid-season firing of his is because he refused to follow directions he was given for the “Dean bit” (referring to the Howard Dean cold opening from the episode I’m currently reviewing), which would explain why the timing of the constant bleeping in said Howard Dean cold opening was so off, as I mentioned earlier in this review. So, folks, please remember all of this the next time you see someone claim that Jeff allegedly left SNL on his own accord. Further proof that Jeff was fired is the fact that Lorne fired a few of the writers around the same time of Jeff’s disappearance. Lorne was reportedly VERY unhappy with this season’s quality, and his mid-season firings of Jeff and some of the writers was his way of scaring the rest of the cast and writing staff into improving the show. It seems Lorne was fully aware that the quality of the show was gradually headed for another season 20-type debacle.
STARS: *½


MONOLOGUE
The Lachey Family Fun Time Happy Hour is hosts’ cheesy variety show

— We immediately start off with tepid “Jessica Simpson is dumb” gags. Blah.
— Hmm, an out-of-the-ordinary turn with this becoming a 1970s variety show. This could be kinda fun, even if I’m rarely a fan of musical monologues.
— Nick’s microphone during the variety show isn’t working, forcing him to eventually speak into Jessica’s mic.
— The ending bit with Jessica misreading the name G Unit as “gun it” was a joke that was already used earlier that week in one of the SNL promos that Jessica and Nick did.
— Overall, meh. I initially thought the whole variety show turn would be fun, but this ended up doing very little for me.
STARS: **


TYLENOL EXTREME
Tylenol Extreme is specifically formulated to relieve testicular trauma

— Finally, a new commercial, after countless way-too-early repeated commercials this season.
— Boy, this is awful. Lots of hacky-ass cheap humor here. Not sure this beats sitting through another rerun of that tepid Gaystrogen ad for the billionth time this season.
— Okay, I finally got a laugh just now, from the fake-out with Chris swinging nunchucks, which initially makes you think THAT’S how he’s going to accidentally hit himself in the testicles, only for some guy to randomly come up to Chris and kick him in the groin.
STARS: *½


Z105
Jessica unwittingly abets Joey Mack’s character assassination of Nick

— Jimmy’s Joey Mack wig seems to have changed a bit from previous appearances, as it looks shorter tonight.
— Some laughs from Jessica fittingly believing Joey Mack’s various voices and slanderous claims about Nick are real.
— Ha, we get a particularly energetic “And we’re BAAAAAACK!!!” from Joey Mack just now.
— I still think Joey Mack’s black weatherman voice is Jimmy’s way of deliberately doing a thinly-veiled Tracy Morgan impression. Just now, he even said “Sweet like bear meat”, a phrase that’s often associated with Tracy.
— I’m glad this is going into a bit of a different direction from the previous installments of this sketch.
STARS: ***


EL CANTADOR
(SEM) & (AMP) patronize a Mexican restaurant cum performing arts school

— Some funny lines during Seth and Amy’s domestic argument.
— Good use of Jessica and Nick’s singing voices.
— Ehh, I’m starting to get kinda tired of the bits with Jessica and Nick’s characters.
— Horatio steals this sketch (in a good way for once) with his funny singing of “She Blinded Me With Science”.
— An okay ending.
STARS: **½


AMERICAN IDOL
already-famous singers fail to impress Simon Cowell (CHP)

— A fairly interesting concept of already-famous singers auditioning for American Idol.
— Jessica’s Britney Spears impression is pretty funny.
— Nick is making me laugh in his imitation of Scott Stapp’s (or, as this sketch called, “The guy from Creed”) ridiculous overdramatic facial expressions and gestures.
— A lot of Chris-as-Simon-Cowell’s “witty” insults are coming off weak and unfunny.
— Finesse In A Dress alert.
STARS: ***


MTV FUTURE
50 years into the future, elderly hosts haven’t changed much

— I love the “MTV Future” programs mentioned in passing at the beginning of this, such as “The Real World: Uranus”, elderly Olsen Twins hosting the 2054 Video Music Awards, and a grown-up Blanket Jackson (with a blanket still covering his head) being a guest in said Video Music Awards.
— Pretty bold prediction from SNL that Nick and Jessica would still be together 50 years from now. As we know now, they ended up not even lasting TWO years (or thereabouts) after tonight’s episode.
— Some decent laughs throughout the scenes with an elderly Jessica and Nick.
STARS: ***


AMERICAN BEEF COUNCIL
Paris Hilton (Jessica) & Nicole Richie (RAD) downplay mad cow disease

— Really, SNL? THREE consecutive sketches based off of reality shows (American Idol, Newlyweds, and The Simple Life)?!? Further proof that this Tina Fey era of SNL is gradually becoming more and more pop culture-obsessed and celebrity gossip-obsessed, much to SNL’s detriment.
— Rachel’s Nicole Richie is fairly funny.
— Not too many laughs here, and this feels like such a dull setting to put Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie impressions into.
STARS: **


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Stunt 101”


WEEKEND UPDATE
Michael Jackson (AMP) invites JIF & TIF to a party at Neverland Ranch

Donald Trump (DAH) gives advice to JIF & TIF regarding their appearance

excitable JIF gets angry when two guitars are thrown past him

Patrick & Gunther Kelly explain judicial appointment process with a song

— Much like a few Weekend Updates ago, Tina opens tonight’s Update with two super-hacky and unfunny Michael Jackson jokes.
— I see Jimmy’s still rocking that god-awful Dudley Moore hairstyle from the last episode.
— OH, NO. A walk-on from Amy’s baffling Michael Jackson impression. I hate how SNL is pushing this as one of their big celebrity impressions in this era.
— Didn’t care AT ALL for Amy’s overall MJ commentary. Not a single laugh from me.
— Yikes, a lot of Jimmy and Tina’s jokes tonight are fucking awful.
— Darrell’s Trump wig lookin’ particularly goofy tonight.
— Blah, this Trump commentary focusing on Jimmy and Trump’s hair feels like a bad precursor to a controversy from Jimmy’s Tonight Show interview with Trump years later around 2015/2016. I can’t quite remember what the controversy was about; something about Jimmy giving such a softball interview to the controversial then-presidential-candidate Trump and attempting to make him come off likable by playing with his hair, or something like that? Is that correct?
— Oh, I absolutely HATE the turn in this already-unfunny Darrell-as-Trump Update commentary, with him making super-sleazy comments to Tina. These super-sleazy comments are not funny in the least, for the same reason I had a problem with the Trump cold opening that SNL did in the preceding episode: it feels too much like SNL is just quoting unfunny sexist shit that the real Trump would say nowadays, which is too on-the-nose by today’s standards to laugh at like I would’ve back in 2004.
— Not even Tina’s usual Arnold Schwarzenegger voice imitation bits are working for me anymore. Tonight’s just feels self-indulgent, as if Tina’s just doing it to satisfy herself instead of the audience. Even the audience initially failed to applaud at the end of Tina’s Schwarzenegger bit tonight and had to be prompted to applaud after some silence.
— What the holy fuck was Jimmy’s Jack White/guitar-throwing bit all about? That was awful and baffling. Man, tonight’s Update is a fucking TRAINWRECK.
— Didn’t care for Tina’s side segment about which celebrity is endorsing which democratic candidate. It also ended with awkward silence from the audience, where they again had to be prompted to applaud. Tonight’s Update continues to be a trainwreck.
— I hated hearing an off-camera Tina cheer Jimmy’s Star Jones joke, because knowing Tina and her seeming obsession with Star Jones, she probably wrote that shit herself.
— Oh, are you fucking kidding me? A return of Jimmy’s stupid Jack White/guitar-throwing bit from earlier in this Update, after it fell horribly flat the first time?!? (*sigh*) Tonight’s Update is DESTROYING me.
— Ah, finally, a bright spot in this mess of an Update: the return of Will and Fred’s Kelly Brothers characters.
— Even though these Kelly Brothers commentaries always use the exact same basic joke, it always works for me, as long as SNL doesn’t eventually overuse these characters.
— Funny ending to Kelly Brothers’ song.
— Overall, even with the reliable Kelly Brothers commentary as the sole saving grace, this was possibly the worst Weekend Update of the entire Fallon/Fey era, and possibly the lowest rating I’m giving to an SNL news segment since all the way back in the Dick Ebersol years, which were a Dark Age for SNL’s news segment. Get used to this low rating, folks, as I’m probably going to be dishing it out quite often during the upcoming Fey/Poehler era of Update, which I personally consider to be another Dark Age for SNL’s news segment.
STARS: *½


THE SHARON OSBOURNE SHOW
Sue Johanson (RAD) displays sex toys

— Not crazy about seeing this sketch back, given the fact that I didn’t care for it the first time.
— Is one of those dogs the same one that Jessica was holding in the Paris Hilton/Nicole Richie sketch earlier tonight? (side-by-side comparison below)

— The cute dogs have been the only enjoyment I’ve been getting from this weak sketch so far. Cute dogs being the sole highlight of a tepid sketch is bringing back unwanted flashbacks of the Dog Show sketches from the late 90s/early 00s.
— Amy is overusing that staccato pet voice she’s talking to one of the dogs in, to the point of genuine annoyance.
— Jessica and Nick’s Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro sloppily tongue-kissing each other was more gross than funny.
— Rachel’s delivery of “I’m experiencing engorgement” was the first thing I found funny in this entire sketch so far.
— Overall, this was even worse than the first installment of this sketch.
STARS: *½


SIDE NOTE: During a shot of SNL’s studio in the middle of the commercial break right now, we get a close-up of Garrett Morris in the audience!


VICTORIA’S SECRET
(KET) helps his old aunt (MAR) pick out panties at Victoria’s Secret

— Some funny genital euphemisms from Maya’s old lady character.
— I like the part with Maya flashing Nick and Jessica and asking them if they like the various things they’re seeing and that “it’ll blow ya mind.”
— The ending with Jessica and Nick fell very flat.
STARS: ***


NUTS JINGLES
Bubba Sparxxx’ (HOS) nut industry jingles venture into homoeroticism

— This was cut from the preceding Jennifer Aniston-hosted episode.
— Chris’ “In a nutshell” pun early on in this sketch fell horribly flat, even if that was the point. It was poorly delivered, though (a rare criticism of the usually on-point Chris Parnell), and Jessica’s bad timing also helped mess up the joke.
— This feels kinda like a homoerotic, rap-themed variation of the Nut-Riffic sketch from the first episode of season 20. Not exactly a sketch you want to be emulating.
— Chris’ over-the-top facial reaction to the second homoerotic nut rap was kinda funny, but I’m just desperate for a laugh by this point.
— Lots of hacky, lazy homoerotic humor here. Even the Nut-Riffic sketch is coming off high-brow compared to this.
— Ugh, to make the season 20-ness of this sketch complete, we end this sketch with a spinning newspaper headline, a common staple of shitty season 20 sketches.
STARS: *


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest & Joe [real] perform “Wanna Get To Know You”


DYNACORP
Chicken Of The Sea & other confusing brand-name foods flummox Jessica

— Our obligatory parody of Jessica’s infamous Chicken Of The Sea confusion from her and Nick’s reality show.
— I’m loving this. There are a lot of laughs from the increasingly confusing and convoluted Chicken Of The Sea-esque products, well-delivered by Chris’ always-reliable voice-over work.
— Jessica is really starting to overdo it with the exaggerated dumbfounded facial reactions.
— Funny walk-on from Will as a singing chicken.
— What the hell was with the awkward way Jessica just walked off at the end while mugging the camera? Dammit, Jessica, don’t derail this great sketch for me.
STARS: ****½


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A rough episode. There were a few things to like, but, aside from the DynaCorp gem that was buried at the end of the show, absolutely NONE of it was worth remembering. And a lot of what was bad was particularly brutal, including possibly the worst Weekend Update of the entire Fallon/Fey era.
— It feels like this season is gradually getting worse and worse with each passing episode. I think each episode has been a step down from the last one ever since the Andy Roddick episode all the way back in early November. And, geez, there hasn’t been an episode that I felt remotely highly about since the FOURTH episode of the season (Kelly Ripa), and even that had a couple of really angering setbacks. Besides that Ripa episode and the Justin Timberlake one, this season’s episodes have ranged from just average to horrible. No wonder Lorne felt the need to crack the whip behind the scenes after tonight’s episode.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Jennifer Aniston)
a mild step down


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Megan Mullally

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January 10, 2004 – Jennifer Aniston / Black Eyed Peas (S29 E9)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

A MESSAGE FROM DONALD TRUMP
Donald Trump (DAH) intends to bring his brand of class to other NBC shows

— Darrell’s Donald Trump impression appears for the first time in years. Coincidentally, the last time it appeared was the last time tonight’s host, Jennifer Aniston, hosted, back in season 25. Not only that, but Darrell’s Trump appearance in the last Aniston episode was also a straight-to-camera address-to-the-nation cold opening like tonight’s is.
— Darrell’s Trump impression has really improved from the version he did prior to this. He’s got a much better grasp on Trump’s voice here.
— Just now, it even sounds like Darrell imitated Trump’s way of saying “yuuuge”, which surprises me, as I thought it wasn’t until more recent years that Trump was known for saying that.
— I’m not finding myself laughing here. A lot of these super sleazy comments from Darrell’s Trump are, in retrospect, now sadly way too realistic to laugh at anymore. These super sleazy lines no longer come off as a comical mockery or exaggeration of the real Trump – they now depressingly come off as verbatim unfunny sleazy Trump quotes.
— Now this cold opening gets crashed by Jimmy’s Jeff Zucker, which is a bit of a relief, even though he’s not adding much funniness here either.
— IIRC, when E! used to air the syndicated 60-minute version of this episode, they bleeped out the last word in Darrell-as-Trump’s line “You ever been kicked in the balls?”, which is just one of many reasons why E! was the absolutely wrong channel to be airing SNL reruns.
STARS: *½


MONOLOGUE
Joey (HOS) gets suicidal when Rachel (host) spurns him in Friends finale

— Much like the last time SNL did a Friends sketch, in Matthew Perry’s season 23 episode, it’s pretty fun seeing the cast’s impressions of Friends characters, but I feel the season 23 cast was more successful in their impressions.
— Ugh, a cheap gimmick having Horatio play Joey, though maybe I’m just biased against this casting because I cannot stand Horatio anymore by this point of his tenure and hate how SNL is encouraging his worst tendencies as a performer.
— Jimmy’s Ross impression is surprisingly terrible and has nothing on Chris Kattan’s eerily spot-on Ross impression from the aforementioned season 23 Friends sketch.
— A huge laugh from the unexpected off-camera self-inflicted gunshot from Joey. Funny and very dark.
— When the camera cuts back to Jennifer Aniston on the home base stage after the Friends “clip” ends, I remember thinking when this originally aired that it was a real gaffe that Jennifer had a worried reaction when realizing she forgot to remove her jacket from the Friends “clip”. However, according to someone who was in the audience at this episode’s dress rehearsal, she did the same “gaffe” there, proving that it was scripted, presumably as SNL’s tongue-in-cheek way of pointing out that the Friends “clip” was performed live and wasn’t pre-taped. Still, something about the jacket-removal bit came off kinda awkwardly executed by Jennifer.
STARS: ***


PAPARAZZI
(host) & fellow red carpet paparazza (AMP) pester celebs for photo poses

— Oh, no. I’ve always hated these recurring Paparazzi sketches that SNL does this season, this being the first of them.
— This at least seems to be a way for Jennifer to comically vent her real-life frustrations with the paparazzi, which may be fun for her to do, but certainly not for me to watch.
— The fact that this is undeservedly placed as the lead-off sketch of the night is more evidence of how way too pop culture-obsessed and celebrity gossip-obsessed this Tina Fey era of SNL is increasingly becoming. This really hits a nadir at one point the following season, where a sketch about freakin’ Star Jones’ honeymoon is the lead-off sketch of an episode.
— Didn’t care for the bit with Kirstie Alley being mistaken for Steven Seagal.
— Meh, a cheap attempt at laughs with Jimmy’s Steven Seagal kicking Amy in the face, which did nothing for me.
STARS: *½


VEGAS WEDDING
Britney Spears (host) & Jason Allen Alexander (JIF) rush into marriage

— (*sigh*) The early placement of this sketch is yet more proof that the Tina Fey era of SNL is getting way too pop culture-obsessed and celebrity gossip-obsessed, though I’m well-aware that a parody of this notorious Britney Spears/Jason Allen Alexander marriage debacle was obligatory. Either way, I’m starting to get the feeling that tonight’s episode just isn’t for me.
— Boy, I am two minutes into this sketch, and I have been freakin’ stone-faced during its entirety so far.
— Okay, I got a laugh from the camera cutting back to the clock as if we were getting yet another of many time-lapsed scene transitions, only for a graphic to show up onscreen saying “One second later”, followed by the camera cutting back to the scene that we were just watching.
— Terrible ending.
STARS: *½


GAYSTROGEN
Rerun from 10/18/03. We’re only halfway through the season, and they’ve already aired this Gaystrogen commercial too many times. In fact, I don’t understand how SNL has already rerun so many of this season’s commercials in general by such an early point in this season.


DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL COMMITTEE
losing Democratic candidates tell voters that Howard Dean is unelectable

— What was with Seth’s long pause after he opened this sketch with “Hello, America. I’m Senator John Kerry”?
— When the camera first shows all of the candidates in one shot, Jimmy’s Wesley Clark is oddly missing from the shot at first, then he can be seen casually walking into the shot and taking his place while still buttoning his suit, showing that Jimmy was genuinely late arriving for this sketch due to having to do a fast costume change after the Britney sketch. Very sloppy moment there.
— Kenan’s Al Sharpton impression makes its debut.
— Amy is funny as Dennis Kucinich. Also, nice touch with the wonky eyes whenever she blinks, which reminds me a little of Chris Kattan’s portrayal of Clay Aiken in an American Idol cold opening from the preceding season.
— And now we see during a close-up of Jimmy that his Wesley Clark wig has been ill-applied during his aforementioned fast costume change, as the left side of his wig isn’t sticking to his head, causing the left side of his real hair to be revealed underneath (the fourth above screencap for this sketch). Again, very sloppy.
— Overall, some laughs, but this sketch was nothing great overall.
STARS: **½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Where Is The Love?”


WEEKEND UPDATE
Steve Irwin (JER) may have just accidentally fed his baby to a crocodile

inspired by Pete Rose, O.J. Simpson (FIM) nearly confesses to murder

from Baghdad, one-man mobile uplink unit ALF relays soldiers’ messages

— Okay, Jimmy is certainly known for having a lot of questionable hairstyles during his SNL days. But, Jesus Christ, his new hairstyle in tonight’s episode is PARTICULARLY hideous. Since when was the Dudley Moore hairstyle the “in” look?
— Jeff’s brief Steve Irwin performance was kinda fun, but the commentary itself came off a little pointless, ended dumbly, and got no real laughs from me.
— Finesse as O.J.? Blah. This casting not only feels wrong because of Tim Meadows’ definitive and fun take on O.J. back in the day, but also because Finesse’s castmate Kenan would later do a semi-regular take on O.J. that would eventually grow on me.
— Hmm, turns out Finesse is actually doing a good impression of O.J.’s voice. He actually sounds much more like him than Tim or Kenan ever have, but I still find their impressions funnier.
— The overall O.J./Phil Spector/Robert Blake commentary was only fairly funny, but nothing memorable.
— Tina is way too animated in tonight’s Update. She’s following up an awful lot of jokes of hers tonight with unnecessary ad-libs, mugging, and/or goofy laughter.
— Oh, fuck yeah! The return of Al Franken’s One Man Mobile Uplink Unit routine! Shame on the audience for not applauding after Tina introduced him. Then again, this segment is pre-taped, which may explain why the audience refrained from applauding (or SNL refrained from lighting the “Applause” signs).
— During Al’s commentary, the soldier’s angry reaction to finding out his wife is having a baby that’s not his is funny, though after a while, it makes no sense why he’s continuing to angrily mutter about “that bitch” after it’s revealed that Al got the wrong husband and wife.
STARS: **½


SADDAM & OSAMA
beleaguered Saddam Hussein (HOS) & Osama bin Laden (JIF) chat via phone

— As much as I’ve been complaining about Horatio lately, and as much as I generally consider the Fallon/Sanz comedy duo to be sketch comedy poison, I have no real complaints about seeing a second installment of this Osama/Saddam sketch. The Fallon/Sanz shtick just strangely works in this setting. I don’t fully know why, but it just does.
— Jimmy’s been having a very busy night so far in this episode, appearing in tons of sketches. I wonder if this is SNL’s way of making up for the fact that, in the first half of this season, Jimmy’s airtime was reduced due to him being busy filming the movie Taxi.
— When Horatio’s Saddam prank-called Jimmy’s Osama at the beginning of this sketch, it’s sad that Horatio’s brief George W. Bush vocal impression was actually much better than Darrell’s Bush impression. How the hell does Horatio Fucking Sanz outdo Darrell Hammond at a celebrity impression???
— I got a big laugh from Jimmy-as-Osama’s comment about imaging Horatio’s Saddam looking like Ron Jeremy in an orange suit, which is actually an accurate description of Horatio’s Saddam.
— Feels kinda unnecessary for Jimmy’s Osama to reprise the funny “I will listen, it’s a phone!” line from the first Osama/Saddam sketch, a line that kinda fell flat tonight, though that’s partly due to Horatio mistakenly talking over Jimmy when Jimmy delivered the line.
— Fred’s “A little too much information, Osaaamaaaaaa!” line was a poor variation of his much funnier “Awkwaaaarrrrrrd!” line from the first Osama/Saddam sketch.
— Like in the last Osama/Saddam sketch that Jimmy and Horatio did, they’re making lots of fun and charming ad-libs throughout.
— Overall, while some of the lines fell kinda flat and there were an awful lot of silent pauses between some of the lines (something I’ve become all too accustomed to seeing from Horatio, but it still bugs the shit out of me), I still enjoyed this sketch as a whole. These Osama/Saddam sketches continue to be a rare successful utilization of the Fallon/Sanz duo by this point of both performers’ respective SNL tenure, even if the first Osama/Saddam sketch was a little better, in my opinion.
STARS: ***


COUNTRY ROSES
feuding vocalists (host) & (MAR) featured on album

— Pretty fun how the female cast is each playing multiple country singers in this sketch, with quick costume/wig changes between scenes. Reminds me of that fun NFL Players Intros sketch that SNL would later do in the Chris Pratt-hosted season premiere of season 40, where each male cast member had to play multiple football players stating their crime during their intro shot.
— Amy’s lyrics as the various singers she’s playing are funny.
— Okay, after a while, I’m starting to not care anymore for for where this sketch is going.
— Okay, this sketch is winning me back over with the escalation of how the respective singers’ songs are starting to have a disturbing connection to the other singers’ songs, such as the whole marriage affair detailed in Maya and Jennifer’s respective songs.
— This is over already? Aw, I actually wanted the aforementioned escalation to continue. It was just starting to get interesting and dark.
STARS: ***


COCO & MATSUI SUPER SHOW
host interviews herself in Japan

— (*sigh*) Oh, dear god. Looks like I’m in for Asian stereotypes galore.
— Ugh, the constant crying from Maya and Fred is just plain annoying.
— Okay, we get an actual fairly funny turn with Jennifer desperately resorting to interviewing herself while Maya and Fred look on.
STARS: **½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Hey Mama”


APPALACHIAN EMERGENCY ROOM
white trash patients present oddball injuries

— This sketch makes its debut.
— The voice Amy’s using is freakin’ hilarious.
— I love the goofy look of Chris’ character.
— Jimmy’s extremely busy night continues. He’s been all over tonight’s episode.
— Not caring for Jimmy’s performance here, and I can’t help but get a bit of a Sandler vibe from his over-the-top outburst at the end of his scene. A season 20 Sandler vibe, to be more specific. If you remind me of season 20 Adam Sandler, that’s almost never a good thing.
— Aside from Jimmy, I’m finding the goofy redneck characterizations throughout this sketch to be fun.
— Ugh, and now, shortly after Jimmy almost derailed this otherwise enjoyable sketch, it’s Horatio’s turn. Not even the fun atmosphere of this sketch can make me like Horatio’s typical annoying hamminess and cracking-up-at-himself habit. Kinda ironic how I had a rare positive reaction to a Fallon & Sanz team-up sketch earlier tonight (Saddam & Osama), but then Jimmy and Horatio both individually almost derail this Appalachian Emergency Room sketch for me while not even appearing with each other.
— Very funny ending with Chris.
STARS: ***½


RAW TALK
phone sex operator’s (host) G-rated terminology turns off callers

— I love the juxtaposition of Chris’ very professional demeanor and raunchy leather vest & belt.
— Pretty funny characterization from Jennifer, but I’m not finding myself laughing all that much at her comically hokey sex talk.
— This is a sketch where early-era Kenan Thompson’s over-the-top Nickelodeon-esque mugging actually makes me laugh instead of bugs me. That being said, the “wiener man” ending between him and Jennifer was kinda weak.
STARS: **


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A weak episode. The first half of the show in particular had very little that I liked and a lot that I hated. Even at its best, tonight’s episode had no strong standout highly-rated sketches, which is starting to become an awfully common trait in this season’s episodes. This episode is especially a letdown when compared to Jennifer Aniston’s previous episode, which is one of my personal all-time favorites for reasons explained in my review of it.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Elijah Wood)
a mild step down


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey, making this SNL’s first episode in 10 years to have two hosts. It’s also the final episode before Jeff Richards’ SNL tenure comes to an abrupt end.

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December 13, 2003 – Elijah Wood / Jet (S29 E8)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

HARDBALL WITH CHRIS MATTHEWS
jilted Joe Lieberman (CHP) & coy Hillary Clinton (AMP) campaign

— Amy’s Hillary Clinton impression makes its debut. I had forgotten until now that the first few years Amy plays Hillary, she wears that ridiculous prosthetic big nose. It baffled me back then, and it baffles me now. Hillary Clinton doesn’t have a big or distinctive-looking nose, so why make Amy’s Hillary look like she has one? It’s like when SNL pointlessly had Chris wear a prosthetic nose the first time he played George W. Bush.
— Boy, Darrell’s Chris Matthews is going particularly heavy on the comical analogies, much to this sketch’s detriment. The analogies ain’t that funny for this cold opening to be relying so heavily on.
— Pretty funny bit with Amy’s Hillary simultaneously denying that she’ll run for president and teasing that she will, though I swear SNL used this joke with another politician either before or after tonight’s episode.
— Kenan in a dress.
— A funny comment from Kenan’s Carol Moseley Braun about female black Jewish ninjas.
— Ugh, this was around the time where comedies overused the gag of un-hip white people talking in “fo shizzle” speak. That has not aged well, in my opinion.
— Overall, these Hardball sketches seem to be running out of steam lately. The preceding season, these Hardball sketches consistently knocked it out of the park. This season, on the other hand, Hardball sketches have been just average so far.
STARS: ***


MONOLOGUE
ambivalent toward SNL, Gollum (CHK) plugs sitcom co-starring host

— Chris Kattan makes his SECOND cameo in just the first half of this season alone, after leaving the cast at the end of the preceding season. Is he on his way to becoming to this season what Jon Lovitz was to season 16? At least Lovitz was someone you didn’t mind seeing back, plus SNL would make self-deprecating jokes about Lovitz’s constant cameos.
— At least Kattan’s Gollum impression is always pretty fun.
— Instead of having Kattan do a self-deprecating joke about his constant cameos, SNL goes the opposite direction by having Kattan’s Gollum claim “The show’s been sucking wind ever since Chris Kattan left!”, though I know it’s just a tongue-in-cheek line.
— I love the cheesy Gollum/Frodo sitcom opening credits and theme song, being a spot-on amalgamation of the credits and themes from many classic sitcoms.
STARS: ***


BOYS CHOIR
high-voiced school choir rivals (host), (JIF), (WLF) test their range

— It feels odd in retrospect seeing Kenan play this type of utility role so early in his SNL tenure. He doesn’t yet have the solid leadership skills that he has nowadays. In this sketch, I’m not finding him very believable as a school teacher. He looks more like his Nickelodeon-era kid self wearing a big fake mustache to play a grown-up.
— Of the three guys, Will’s falsetto voice is by far the funniest. The other two guys’ falsettos aren’t making me laugh much, though the interplay between all three guys is fairly entertaining.
— Jimmy: “Suck my vocal chord, Manville.”
— Funny bit with Jimmy and Will repeatedly punching Elijah Wood in groin to get his deepening voice back to its former higher pitch.
— This sketch would later be replaced with the dress rehearsal version in reruns, in which Jimmy breaks hard and laughs his way through several portions of the sketch.
STARS: ***


QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY
makeover updates Santa’s (HOS) look

— The guys are fine in their portrayal of the Queer Eye guys, but I’m not finding myself laughing much here.
— At least Jimmy and Horatio managed to get through a scene together without fucking anything up, for once.
— The Queer Eye guys are right: Rachel does look adorable as Mrs. Claus.
— A laugh from the little boy telling the made-over Santa that he looks like Kathy Bates.
STARS: **


TV FUNHOUSE
by RBS- George W. Bush garb tracks photo op milieu

— Believe it or not, this is the first TV Funhouse since all the way back in the first episode of this season. Ever since TV Funhouse debuted in season 22, I don’t think there’s ever been THIS long of a gap between cartoons up until this point. So I take it Smigel’s been busy this season working on and plugging his Triumph The Insult Comic Dog CD?
— Some laughs from President Bush’s outfits ridiculously relating to where he’s giving his speech.
— The ape-humping scene is cheap but funny, and reminds me of the typical humor from early Fun With Real Audio cartoons.
STARS: ***


WAKE UP WAKEFIELD!
Megan falls for Sheldon’s trumpeter friend (host)

— This recurring sketch makes its first appearance of the season, and, believe it or not, ends up being the last appearance until much later in March 2006, where it makes its final appearance.
— Interesting change having the SNL host play a member of Wake Up Wakefield’s house band, Jazz Times Ten.
— As usual, funny lines from Sheldon all throughout this.
— As much as Horatio’s typical hamminess has been driving me mad this season, it still works for me as his teacher character in these Wake Up Wakefield sketches.
— When Elijah’s character and Megan are flirting with each other, I like Sheldon constantly saying “No. This isn’t happening. No”, even though I don’t quite understand why he’s saying that.
STARS: ***


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Are You Gonna Be My Girl”


WEEKEND UPDATE
unintelligible lyrics of John Mayer’s (JIF) holiday song lack clarity

Whitney Houston (MAR) & daughter Bobbi (KET) do “Little Drummer Boy” duet

— That awful Kabbalah joke is our obligatory cringey Tina Fey joke of the week.
— Interesting change of pace for Update, with Jimmy doing a segment as John Mayer on a set separate from the Update set.
— The whole “blah blah blah” thing with Jimmy’s John Mayer? Ehhh. In past viewings of this episode, I’ve gone back-and-forth between finding this bit stupidly funny and finding it just plain stupid. I found it to be the latter during my current viewing. Didn’t make me laugh.
— I think I spoke to soon about our obligatory cringey Tina Fey joke of the week, because what the holy fuck was her whole over-the-top rant about Iraq contracts going for just now? (*sigh*) Tina continues to go badly downhill these past two seasons and lose so much of her spark, while Jimmy continues to get better and better and also develop a solid habit of delivering deadpan, blunt Norm Macdonald-type jokes that work.
— I really like the “I guess we’re gonna have this baby” side bit between Jimmy and Tina. At least Tina is still always reliable when doing this type of side bit with Jimmy, which I’m going to miss after this season, as this is Jimmy’s final season.
— Kenan in a dress. Fucking TWICE tonight.
— Odd how Kenan is lip-syncing to actual audio of the real Bobbi Kristina Brown singing, when you would expect SNL to just have Kenan himself sing in a high-pitched voice.
— This Bobbi Kristina/Whitney/Bobby segment isn’t doing much for me.
STARS: **½


VERSACE EGG NOG
Boy George (host) likes Donatella Versace’s (MAR) designer egg nog

— I like Maya-as-Versace’s little scream when she gets stuck in the chimney at the beginning.
— Funny visual of Elijah’s Boy George in that makeup.
— Unlike his teacher character in the Wake Up Wakefield sketches, Horatio’s typical hamminess DOESN’T work for me when he plays Rosie O’Donnell.
— Fucking ugh. There goes ANOTHER display of Horatio’s horrible habit of awkwardly pausing before delivering some lines. (*sigh*) For fuck’s sake, Horatio. Why do you always DO that?!?
— So many cheap attempts at laughs in this sketch. Blah. Very little of this is working for me. These Versace sketches have really fallen off lately. I can’t remember the last good one. I think the Versace Pockets one from the first episode of the preceding season was the last one I liked.
STARS: **


HOWARD DEAN FOR AMERICA
Al Gore’s (DAH) anti-Bush extremism chagrins endorsee Howard Dean (JER)

— Always good to see Darrell’s Al Gore impression.
— A very slow-paced sketch. The hyperbole from Darrell’s Gore regarding how awful of a president George W. Bush is has some laughs, but this sketch is DRAGGING. Yet another example of how boring, dull, and overly talky Jim Downey’s political writing has become these past two seasons.
STARS: **


THE RIALTO GRANDE
Buddy Mills consoles young comic with abandonment issues (host)

— Much like Tracy Morgan getting to do a Brian Fellow sketch when cameoing in the preceding episode, I see SNL is trying to make Kattan feel at home tonight by bringing back these Rialto Grande sketches. You really start to get the feeling that Tracy and Kattan never even left the show. This also continues this season’s experimental theme of treating certain special guests as an uncredited co-host. Kinda reminds me of how, in late season 11 and early-mid season 12, certain special guests like Marvelous Marvin Hagler, Christopher Durang, and Paulina Porizkova would appear in almost as many sketches as the host.
— Kattan seems to have added a new aspect to his Buddy Mills character, where he’s doing lots of sudden vocal pitch changes during his talk with Elijah right now. It’s kinda working for me, but I can see it annoying some people.
— Like I usually say, Fred-as-Mackey’s delayed rimshot occurring during an emotional, teary-eyed breakdown from the character played by the host never fails to slay me EVERY. DAMN. TIME.
— This ends up being the last time we ever see this recurring sketch. Interesting how every single installment of this sketch appeared in the calendar year 2003.
STARS: ****


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Look What You’ve Done”


GOODNIGHTS
host, CHK, castmembers end the show from Rockefeller Center skating rink

— Ice skating goodnights!
— Much like the original ice skating goodnights from season 2’s Candice Bergen episode, Elijah, Kattan, and the cast are dressed in old-timey costumes from (I think) A Christmas Carol.
— I feel bad for laughing at a wobbly Kattan falling flat on the ice IMMEDIATELY after finally stabilizing himself on his skates. Hope he didn’t hurt himself, as that looked like a pretty nasty fall.

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A fairly disappointing Christmas episode. Almost nothing in it was memorable, quite a number of segments were weak, and the only sketch I found strong was just the return of a former cast member’s recurring sketch where the same basic thing happens in every single installment, even though it always works (Rialto Grande).


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Al Sharpton)
a mild step down


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
We enter the year 2004, with host Jennifer Aniston

Posted on

December 6, 2003 – Rev. Al Sharpton / Pink (S29 E7)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

EQUAL TIME TV
NBC satisfies equal time rule by incorporating candidates into programs

— Interesting characterization from Jimmy Fallon in his Jeff Zucker impression.
— Some laughs from the incongruous placement of presidential candidates on NBC shows.
— Okay, Fallon is starting to get out of control with the exaggerated hand mannerisms of his Zucker impression.
— An extremely crazed “Live from New York…” delivery from Fallon, most likely because this is only his second time saying it, if you can believe it (not counting the Weekend Update Super Bowl Halftime Special from the preceding season, where he said LFNY with Tina Fey). He delivered his first LFNY in a fairly crazed manner too, IIRC.
STARS: ***


OPENING MONTAGE
— For some reason, the “Recorded from an earlier live broadcast” disclaimer, which is usually only reserved for reruns, is shown early in tonight’s opening montage, despite the fact that this is the original live broadcast I’m watching of this episode.


MONOLOGUE
host performs “I Feel Good” to show younger self (TRM) he hasn’t sold out

— There’s somebody in the audience who’s “cheering” sounds annoyingly like a chihuahua yapping.
— While it’s pretty soon for a Tracy Morgan cameo, at least he waited more than a mere four episodes, unlike Chris Kattan.
— Some funny interplay between  Sharpton and Morgan.
— Sharpton’s James Brown dancing is pretty fun to watch.
STARS: ***


MOM JEANS
— Rerun from 5/10/03, which is from the preceding season.
— This re-airing alters Maya Rudolph’s voice-over to repurpose it for Christmas instead of Mother’s Day


MICHAEL JACKSON IN A ROLLER COASTER
legal troubles haven’t sunk in to Michael Jackson (AMP)

— Oh, god. Do we really need a variation of that baffling Michael Jackson In A Tree sketch from the preceding season? And the less seen of Amy Poehler’s Michael Jackson impression, the better. I do kinda like the roller coaster setting here, though.
— The funny thing about Sharpton playing Johnnie Cochran is the fact that the real Johnnie Cochran would soon be shown in tonight’s studio audience during a shot of SNL’s studio in the middle of the following commercial break (screencap below).

— Not even Rachel Dratch’s Elizabeth Taylor is giving this sketch the boost she gave the original Michael Jackson In A Tree sketch.
— I do like Horatio Sanz as a random mustached stranger just sitting in the back smiling.
STARS: *½


BRIAN FELLOW’S SAFARI PLANET
Brian Fellow’s brother Ryan (host) plus a seal & a bat

— Boy, is see SNL is wasting no time in making Tracy Morgan feel back at home.
— A bit of a change of pace having Sharpton play Brian Fellow’s brother, co-hosting this edition of the show.
— Unusual for this recurring sketch how Chris Parnell is holding a baby seal that’s clearly mechanical.
— Some good laughs from the short bit with Brian Fellow arguing with his brother over whether or not Frosty The Snowman counts as an animal.
— Interesting casting of Fey.
— Some funny lines from Sharpton throughout this.
— I love Brian Fellow’s reaction to his brother’s witty comment to Fey about Batman.
STARS: ***½


THREE WISE MEN
Bethlehem-bound Magi (host), (TRM), (KET) fall victim to racial profiling

— Wow, Tracy Morgan in yet ANOTHER sketch tonight. Meanwhile, Finesse Mitchell is probably weeping backstage.
— Funny turn with the cop’s grilling of Three Wise Men having parallels to contemporary racial profiling.
— I love the little gag with Fallon’s cop using his torch as a flashlight when trying to see each of the Three Wise Men.
— Sharpton has a little trouble pronouncing “Frankincense”, much like Robert DeNiro in another Three Wise Men sketch (and a particularly wretched one) SNL would do in a John Goodman-hosted episode 10 years later.
— Kenan Thompson’s overacting and mugging is a bit much.
— Nice little touch with the roman numeral phone number at the end.
STARS: ***½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Trouble”


WEEKEND UPDATE
JIF & TIF insult cities not showing SNL tonight

JIF uses double entendres to broach sexual habits of Paris Hilton [real]

 

— Good lord, Fey’s opening Michael Jackson joke was hacky as fuck.
— Lately, Fey has a bad habit of laughing as loud as the audience at some of Fallon’s jokes, as if she never heard them before. This bad habit of Fey’s is especially in full-force tonight.
— I love Fallon’s “For the punchline of this joke, tune in next week when we have a different host” bit in regards to his slavery joke.
— The “Jimmy and Tina yelling at cities that refuse to show Saturday Night Live tonight” segment is a fun variation of the preceding season’s “Jimmy And Tina Yelling At America” segment, though the writing of this one is nowhere near as strong. It’s worth it, though, just to hear Don Pardo conclude it by saying “This is Don Pardo saying, ‘Suck it, Des Moines!’”
— (*sigh*) Hoo, boy. Well, here’s the then-hyped Paris Hilton cameo.
— The sexual puns about “The Paris Hilton” aren’t bad, but man, Hilton’s lack of any kind of comic timing is killing the humor of this for me. You’d figure SNL would learn from this and not even entertain the idea of Hilton ever hosting the show, but… season 30, folks.
— Short Update overall.
STARS: ***


BLACK STEREOTYPES
in 1935, actor (host) doesn’t want movie to perpetuate black stereotypes

— A Weekend Update graphic of Paris Hilton’s name (which never actually showed up during Update) is accidentally displayed onscreen at the beginning of this sketch (screencap below).

— Tracy Morgan in a FOURTH appearance tonight. Between John MacEnroe’s many appearances in the Andy Roddick episode earlier this season, and now this, this season of SNL seems to be experimenting with treating some special guests as an honorary co-host. Interesting.
— Oh, there’s Finesse Mitchell, making his first and only appearance of the night. I love Tracy Morgan, but I can’t help but feel bad that Mitchell, who’s trying to make a name for himself on the show as one of two newbies this season, is being shut out of several black roles tonight that are given to a special guest instead.
— Oh, god. Another pairing of Fallon and Sanz.
— Jesus Christ, Sanz even manages to make his attempt to pull out a movie scene marker come off awkward, and he can be seen giggling at himself when exiting the shot afterwards.
— The camera fails to cut to a shot of Rudolph when she is heard off-camera saying “Whatever you say, Mike!” The shot would later be shown in the rerun version of this sketch, and in that shot, we see that Seth Meyers is playing one of several men hanging out with Rudolph’s character (the other men are played by extras, IIRC), which means Meyers made an appearance in this sketch that the live version didn’t even pick up.
— Am I missing something here? Why is Rudolph’s black 1930s character speaking in an exaggerated, old-timey white New Yorker voice? She sounds Edith Bunker-esque. What is this joke implying?
— The “No women” bit is pretty funny.
— I like Morgan’s reaction to a white guy (Will Forte) being wheeled into the scene in cooking pot at the end of this.
STARS: ***½


REVEREND AL SHARPTON’S CASA DE SUSHI
host doesn’t like raw fish, but he’ll sell it to you at his Casa De Sushi

— The first of many variations of the original Derek Jeter’s Taco Hole sketch. I found that Jeter sketch charming and pretty fun, but worry that the concept might not hold up well in subsequent sketches.
— Very catchy theme song from the four singers, parodying Tupac Shakur’s “California Love”.
— I like Sharpton’s delivery of “This stuff is nasty!” when disposing of a plate of sushi.
— I just realized, I think that’s long-time SNL favorite Akira Yoshimura as the Asian employee standing in the background of this entire sketch (seen on the left side of the below screencap).

— Sanz’s overly hammy take on Harvey Fierstein only succeeds in making me yearn for Jon Lovitz. Speaking of which, I recall hearing that the preceding episode had a sketch cut after dress rehearsal in which host Alec Baldwin played Harvey Fierstein appearing in a show called “Gay Dance Party”.
— And now, Sanz’s crash through a breakaway table only succeeds in making me yearn for Chris Farley. Well, not season 20 Chris Farley, who crashed through breakaway furniture on a damn weekly basis that season, it felt like. But, hell, even Farley’s overwhelming, one-note performances in season 20 are preferable to how awful Sanz has been this season. (And he only gets worse the following season, IIRC.)
— Despite Sanz’s annoying scene, I’m finding this installment of the “non-actor host advertises their own restaurant” sketches to have a charm like the original Derek Jeter one.
STARS: ***


CANDIDATE PARTY
jealous Democratic presidential hopefuls watch SNL during pity party

— A pretty fun gathering of democratic presidential candidate impressions in a unique setting.
— Forte portraying John Edwards as a kiss-ass servant is very funny.
— Some strangely charming corny jokes among the candidates.
— Unlike the last time he played John Kerry in Al Gore’s monologue the preceding season, Meyers appears to be attempting an actual impression of Kerry’s voice here.
— Parnell’s Joe Lieberman: “You’re like David Spade in a Hollywood comedy – it makes sense on paper, but the people just aren’t going for it.” Ooh, random burn at an SNL alum. Perhaps this is Spade’s karma for his notorious slam on Eddie Murphy 8 years prior. Unlike Murphy, Spade seems like he has enough of a sense of humor about himself to not be bothered by the joke.
STARS: ***½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “God Is A DJ”


THE LATOYA JACKSON SHOW
LaToya Jackson’s (MAR) father Joseph (host) & Chaka Kahn (KET)

— Oh, god, another celebrity-hosted talk show sketch in this SNL era.
— Sharpton is displaying a Tracy Morgan-esque odd habit of pronouncing a word various ways, as he goes back and forth between pronouncing “pedophile” the way it’s typically pronounced (“ped-a-file”) and pronouncing it as “ped-a-fill”.
— Thompson in drag again, but I gotta admit, his Chaka Khan having a difficult time singing in a fast tempo is making me laugh, which is more than I can say for anything else in this sketch so far.
— Ugh, I hate the running bit in this sketch with Rudolph’s LaToya Jackson saying “I’m gig-a-ling” (her odd way or pronouncing “I’m giggling”). It’s not even remotely funny. Is that based on something the real LaToya said? If not, I don’t understand why Rudolph’s LaToya keeps saying it.
— Oh, no, we get Poehler’s baffling Michael Jackson impression for the second time tonight. Even in just voice-over form, I dislike the impression.
— Sharpton’s Joseph Jackson: “This show is a travesty!” That’s how I feel about this sketch.
— Blah, the joke with Thompson’s Chaka Khan being out of breath has gotten old.
— Armisen is cracking me up as a cheap Michael Jackson impersonator, but it might just be because I’m so desperate for a laugh by this point.
— Sharpton’s Joseph Jackson, when asked if he had fun on the show: “No, I did not.” Once again, he echoes my feelings towards this sketch.
STARS: *½


TOWN CAR
Vasquez makes conversation while driving host & aide (MAR) across town

— Oh, no, Vasquez has gone back to starring in his own sketches. Blah. I found him semi-tolerable in a supporting role in those adult students sketches, but I find him to be pretty unbearable and baffling when he carries his own sketches.
— Between Sharpton’s lack of acting experience and Sanz’s annoying-as-fuck habit of awkwardly pausing before delivering his lines, there’s an awful lot of dead moments in this sketch where nobody onscreen is saying anything.
— The song playing on radio (which I know is a real song, but I don’t know the name of) is the same song that was used as the theme song to the Community Accents talk show sketch that Vasquez starred in the preceding season.
— Sharpton’s Tracy Morgan-esque odd habit of pronouncing a word in different ways continues, as he pronounces Vasquez’s name as both “Vaz-kez” and “Vaz-kwez” all throughout this sketch, and pronounces “albino” in a very bizarre, stretched-out, stumbly manner (the latter of which provided the only thing close to a laugh I’ve gotten in this sketch so far).
— What the hell is with Vasquez’s fascination of constantly mentioning transvestites?
— This sketch is fucking terrible so far. This Vasquez character is DEATH.
— Oh, god, and now to fittingly close out this sketch, we get an appearance from a transvestite, played by Armisen. Just get this Vasquez sketch off my screen already, SNL.
STARS: *


CRYOGENIX
— Another rerun tonight, this time from 11/8/03. We’re only three months into this season, and this is the second consecutive episode to repeat two commercials, and hell, we almost got THREE repeated commercials in the last episode (the third of which got aborted on the air, as I detailed in that review). Has SNL already blown their budget on commercials this season?


UNEARTHED
ghost of Johnny Cash (DAH) plugs box set & talks about being in Heaven

— A good Johnny Cash impression from Hammond.
— What the holy fuck is with Hammond’s VERY awkward, long pausing while looking at the flying box set?
— Uh… what exactly is the point of this sketch? If it’s trying to be funny, it’s failing miserably. If it’s trying to be a charming Johnny Cash tribute, it’s failing miserably. If it’s supposed to be both funny AND a charming Johnny Cash tribute, it’s failing doubly miserably. Hammond would later do an actual successful funny and charming celebrity tribute the following season, when Rodney Dangerfield passes away.
STARS: *


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A decent first two-thirds of the episode, then the episode died a horrible, horrible death for the remainder of the night. The last three sketches were dreadful and unwatchable. Even at its best, this overall episode didn’t contain anything particularly great or noteworthy. Even the highlights of the night didn’t rise above “pretty good”, in my eyes.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Alec Baldwin)
a mild step down


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Elijah Wood hosts the Christmas episode

Posted on

November 15, 2003 – Alec Baldwin / Missy Elliott (S29 E6)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

THE NEW IRAQI GOVERNMENT
George W. Bush (DAH) details Iraq’s new undemocratic constitution

— Oh, what the hell are you doing, SNL?!? ANOTHER presidential address-to-the-nation cold opening with Darrell’s horrible Bush impression, after you just did one TWO EPISODES AGO???
— Now Darrell has “enhanced” his impression by adding in a “leaning to the side” pose, lots of arm mannerisms, and lots of vocal inflections. It’s doing NOTHING to stop this from being an embarrassingly bad impression. In fact, seeing Darrell desperately do all of these ridiculous poses, mannerisms, and vocal inflections to try to put his impression over, and failing miserably, just makes it even sadder.
— Just like last time he played Bush, Darrell has that stupid smirk on his face, though it’s not quite as prominent as it was last time. I still don’t know what he’s going for with the smirk.
— Also just like last time, this cold opening is DEATH. Absolutely no laughs from me, not just because of Darrell’s horrible impression, but also because of horrible writing that not even Will Ferrell would’ve been able to save.
— The only positive thing I can say is that this thankfully ends up being the final appearance of Darrell’s Bush impression. After only two appearances from his impression, SNL would re-cast the role ONCE AGAIN later this season. Darrell’s Bush would end up going down in SNL history as possibly the worst presidential impression ever seen on the show. Even Darrell himself would later admit what a misfire his Bush was, calling it “the Waterloo of my career”.
STARS: *


MONOLOGUE
when co-star host fails to self-promote, MIM plugs The Cat In The Hat

— WTF? Jimmy and Horatio in the SNL Band? Oh, lord, what horror am I in for THIS time?
— Dammit, now we get Jimmy and Horatio taking over this entire monologue while acting like obnoxious jackasses, which they’re given free rein to do too damn often. The fact that it’s an Alec Baldwin monologue this is happening in feels especially wrong.
— Well, at least we get a surprise Mike Myers cameo.
— Ugh, the running gag with Mike constantly dropping character to plug The Cat In The Hat has not aged well, though I remember this bit kinda rubbed me the wrong way even when tonight’s episode originally aired. Almost nothing in this monologue is working for me.
STARS: *½


HUGGIES THONG
— Rerun from 10/4/03.
— During the beginning of this re-airing, you can hear audio of what sounds like excited audience members yelling “MIKE!” in the studio, apparently trying to get Mike Myers’ attention right after the monologue ended.


PLASTIC SURGEON
unprofessional plastic surgeon (host) recommends D cups for patient (AMP)

— I recall hearing this sketch was cut from the preceding season’s Ray Romano episode.
— I like this non-sequitur exchange between Alec and Amy, during their discussion of breast augmentations: “Do you know Catherine Bell from JAG?” “No.” “Damn. I was really hoping to meet her.”
— Amy sternly warning Alec “I am only gonna stay here for a few more jokes!” is very funny.
— Alec is solid in this inappropriate role, though I can’t help but wonder what this sketch was like with Ray Romano. I can picture him being great in Alec’s role too.
STARS: ***½


ZINGER VS. BURNS
scientists (host) & Dave ‘Zinger’ Klinger (SEM) trade childish gibes

— The debut of this character of Seth’s.
— Surprisingly, this ends up being Maya’s only appearance all night, and it’s just a straight role in which she only has about two lines.
— Seth’s zinger routine did nothing for me for the first minute of this sketch, but Alec suddenly coming in and doing the same basic routine as Seth had me laughing out loud. I guess it’s all in the performance. Alec is just better at this type of material than Seth is, in my opinion.
— Some laughs from how extensive Alec and Seth are getting in their burn/zing routines.
— I like Chris having such disdain for Alec and Seth’s burn/zing routines, but treating it so seriously that he demands Alec and Seth do a best-of-three burn/zing-off to declare a winner.
— Okay, this whole burn/zing gimmick is starting to run out of steam for me, though the performances from Alec and even Seth are fun.
STARS: **½


THE TONY BENNETT SHOW
acquitted millionaire Robert Durst (FRA)

— This sketch has officially become recurring.
— Like last time, we’re getting so many hilarious one-liners from Alec’s Tony Bennett.
— I don’t know why, but the characterization Fred is doing for his Robert Durst impression feels kinda Christopher Guest-esque to me. Not sure what it is about Fred’s performance that makes me feel that way.
— Hilarious promo that Alec’s Bennett does for for Stayfree Maxi-Pads.
— Funny bit with Bennett getting Richie Sambora to “apologize” to him.
— Is EVERY character of Horatio’s now going to be a character written to be very giggly? Is this SNL’s way of trying to hide Horatio’s natural giggliness? Horatio’s at least playing his role in this particular sketch like a normal person, and not treating it as one of his typical over-the-top roles.
STARS: ****


GAYSTROGEN
Another rerun tonight, this time from 10/18/03


THE FALCONER
Donald has a wild night in Las Vegas while The Falconer hangs upside down

— Good to see this sketch make its first appearance of the season. Believe it or not, this ends up being the ONLY Falconer sketch of this entire season. Quite odd, after how frequently this sketch appeared the preceding season.
— The Falconer, while hanging upside-down: “For four days, I have dangled here like a urine-soaked pinata.”
— I love the visual of Donald the Falcon seeing a “Knives, axes… Anything store (We specialize in rope cutting)” and a casino located on opposite sides of each other, then deciding to go to the casino instead of the Knives store which would’ve been convenient in getting The Falconer out of his trap.
— A hilarious cocaine sequence with Donald the Falcon. I especially like his crazed, rapid, increasingly higher-pitched squawking after snorting the cocaine.
— Nice touch with how the traditional ending title card of The Falconer has his usual photo flipped upside-down tonight, to match how he has been hanging upside-down for the entire sketch.
STARS: ****½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Pass That Dutch”


WEEKEND UPDATE
riding Paris Hilton’s coattails, WLF shows his own night vision sex tape

TIF mistakes phone interviewee Christian Slater (JIF) for Jack Nicholson

— Wow, Tina’s Al Gore joke gets booed from somebody in the audience.
— Great to see Will doing an Update commentary as himself.
— Hearing Will speak in his normal voice here, I notice he sounds a tad “country”. Isn’t he from California, though?
— Will’s Paris Hilton-esque sex tape is a riot. Not sure that ending with Fred was necessary, though.
— A good Christian Slater vocal impression from Jimmy. Also, I’m finding the ridiculous back-and-forth Slater/Jack Nicholson fake-out to be pretty funny.
— A somewhat short Update. At least they finally managed to get through an Update without a derailing appearance from Horatio, for the first time since the second episode of this season.
STARS: ***


PRESS CONFERENCE
(host) answers euphemistic questions linking Prince Charles with gay sex

— Fun British accents from Alec and the cast.
— Despite being a cavalcade of cheap puns about gay sex, these are actually coming off fun, funny, and well-delivered.
— Seth’s double entendre about Prince Charles wanting his “crack” to be filled with “caulk” feels like a precursor to a sketch that Jason Lee would later do in season 31 that’s in the vein of dirty wordplay sketches like Colonel Angus and Cork Soakers.
STARS: ***½


KEEN CORPORATION
co-workers (host) & (AMP) flub a presentation after a one-night stand

— Not caring for this cliched premise.
— Okay, Alec’s line about how even his mother looks like Jewel after he’s had 10 drinks was pretty funny.
— I like Alec’s delivery of “So frickin’ what?!?” after revealing to his co-workers all the wrong things he and Amy did last night.
— For some reason, Amy loses it and busts out laughing very loudly during her and Alec’s passionate make-out session on the table.
— A somewhat weak ending with Seth and Rachel.
STARS: **


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Work It”


ROY RETURNS
Roy Horn’s (host) return to the stage is beset by more animal attacks

— Hoo, boy. I remember this being kind of a notorious sketch, with some SNL fans considering it really tasteless that SNL would make light of Roy Horn’s tragic attack in such a manner.
— A funny visual of Amy as a beehive-haired lady among people in the crowd getting splattered with blood from off-camera.
— Good lord at the turtle/eye scene.
— Wh… what? THAT’S the entire sketch?!? This sketch felt almost completely pointless, and the turtle/eye scene sure was one weak punchline. Something felt almost season 20-esque about this sketch.
STARS: *½


SCHEINWALD STUDIOS
pandering studio mogul Abe Scheinwald (RAD) scares off director (FRA)

— Here’s another sketch tonight that was cut from an episode from a previous season, this one being cut from the Jon Stewart episode all the way back in season 27. I think I recall hearing Jon Stewart played the role that Fred’s playing in tonight’s version, while the role that Alec’s playing wasn’t in the Jon Stewart version of the sketch.
— Seth has been all over tonight’s episode.
— Funny walk-on from Rachel’s Abe Scheinwald character, making his debut.
— Alec seems to be playing a Robert Evans pastiche.
— Some pretty funny lines from Rachel and Alec all throughout this sketch.
— After something Rachel did just now, all of the performers except Alec are fighting to keep a straight face.
— As this sketch ends and the screen holds on a shot of all of the performers, you can hear audio of the Tel-e-link commercial from this season’s Halle Berry episode start to play, but it soon gets cut off as an SNL bumper photo of Alec appears onscreen. I guess people in the SNL control room realized at literally the last second that there’s not enough time to re-air the Tel-e-link commercial, so they had to quickly abort it on the air after cueing it up. A sloppy moment that you don’t often see happening on SNL. Also, if that Tel-e-link commercial had aired tonight, it would’ve been the THIRD repeated fake ad in tonight’s episode, which might’ve been an all-time record.
STARS: ***½


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— One of the more average Alec Baldwin episodes. Not bad, but definitely doesn’t stand out among Alec’s roster of episodes. There were still a few solid highlights, though, and Alec added his usual professional-but-fun atmosphere to the show.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Andy Roddick)
about the same


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Rev. Al Sharpton

Posted on

November 8, 2003 – Andy Roddick / Dave Matthews (S29 E5)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

20/20
Barbara Walters (RAD) lists epithets used on Martha Stewart (AMP)

— Wow, right out of the gate in tonight’s episode, we open on Rachel and Amy taking over impressions of Barbara Walters and Martha Stewart last done very famously and definitively by Cheri Oteri and Ana Gasteyer, respectively. One can’t help but wonder what this sketch would’ve been like in, say, 1998, when Cheri and Ana were sitting pretty in their SNL tenures.
— While Rachel’s Barbara Walters impression definitely doesn’t measure up to Cheri’s, I still like it, and she eerily looks A LOT like Barbara, especially with the soft focus screen filter being used. Amy’s Martha Stewart, on the other hand? Blah. I find that it leaves a lot to be desired, but that could just be because Ana Gasteyer set the bar so high.
— Some laughs from Barbara telling Martha how bad her reputation is.
— I absolutely love Rachel’s delivery when her Barbara tells Amy’s Martha “If you were a man, I’d be all over you like butter on beans.”
— Okay, all the listed-off insults toward Martha that Barbara is reading off are starting to get old. Is that all this sketch is focusing on?
— It feels like a nice change of pace seeing Rachel get a “Live from New York…”.
— I’m surprised this cold opening is over already. This was pretty short, and kinda underwhelming.
STARS: **½


MONOLOGUE
“Hey Ya!” variant by Andre 3000 (FIM) helps host hold onto the audience

— Wow, after only one episode, we already get the return of J.B. Smoove and Paula Pell as the married couple in the audience.
— Once again, J.B. Smoove kills. You really have to wonder how in the world SNL passed up the opportunity to put him in the cast, and instead had him stuck in the writer’s room. Finesse’s failed SNL stint makes SNL’s decision to not cast J.B. come off even more questionable in retrospect. I remember some SNL fans at the time making the argument that J.B., while hilarious, doesn’t have the versatility to be a cast member, as he seems capable of only playing himself. However, in light of Leslie Jones’ trajectory on SNL years later (she similarly started out as a writer who would frequently make scene-stealing onscreen appearances and would constantly out-perform actual cast member Sasheer Zamata the same way J.B. Smoove would constantly out-perform Finesse, and there was an outcry among SNL fans for SNL to put Leslie into the cast, despite her seeming lack of versatility, to the degree that SNL would eventually give in and indeed put Leslie in the cast), the argument that J.B. needed versatility to be an SNL cast member no longer holds water. J.B. would’ve killed as an SNL cast member.
— Some good laughs from John MacEnroe during his appearance.
— Kinda random having Finesse now appear as half of the last episode’s musical guest, Andre 3000, which SNL lampshades by having Finesse’s Andre 3000 explain “One thing led to another, and…. I’m still here!”
— I have very mixed feelings about this monologue turning into a performance of “Hey Ya!”. While I’m always a sucker for hearing that song, and the performance of it here is fun and energetic, it’s too unrelated to the rest of this monologue, comes off pointless and random, and leaves me questioning why it’s completely taken over this monologue. Did the writers lack THAT much confidence in Andy Roddick?
— Tina is really putting her all into her wild, sultry, intense dancing towards the end of this monologue.
STARS: **½


CRYOGENIX
await a future cure for your minor ailment in Cryogenix’s freezer

— Uh… I kinda liked Chris’ deadpan ending line “If it’s good enough for Ted Williams, it’s good enough for me.” That’s about all I liked in this commercial. I can’t find anything else to say about this.
STARS: *½


Z105
Joey Mack & his imaginary zoo crew go for cheap laughs at host’s expense

— This sketch has officially become recurring, after debuting a year prior. We’ll be seeing this sketch quite a lot this season.
— I strongly disliked the first installment of this sketch, but now that I have a better understanding of what these sketches are going for (thanks to Carson in the comments section of my Eric McCormack review from the preceding season), I’ll go into this installment with a more open mind.
— The voice that Jimmy is using for his black weatherman character sounds like Jimmy’s doing an intentional Tracy Morgan impression.
— Jimmy’s overly intense way of always saying “Aaaaand we’re BACK!” cracks me up, even if Jimmy himself seems a little too genuinely amused after saying it just now.
— As always, I have to commend Jimmy for his ability to seamlessly go from one voice to another to another to another.
— Overall, not bad, though this kinda felt like a rewrite of the first installment with Eric McCormack. I’m looking forward to the installment with Ben Affleck later this season, as I recall that one shaking up the format and also having a lot of fun interplay between Jimmy and Ben.
STARS: ***


BATTLE OF THE SEXES II
host easily bests cocky Billy Jean King (FRA) in Battle Of The Sexes II

— (*groan*) Kenan and Finesse in drag once again. This is only their fifth episode, and they’ve ALREADY been cast in too many female roles.
— Now we get Fred in drag, but at least his performance here is actually funny. I’m enjoying the casual way he’s portraying Billie Jean King as competitive.
— John MacEnroe continues to get laughs tonight, in a second appearance.
— Pretty funny visual of Fred’s Billie Jean King with a tennis ball sticking out of her forehead after the game.
STARS: ***½


GOVERNESS
teen (host) bristles as cheery governess Mrs. Dalrymple (RAD) babies him

— Rachel accidentally almost fell over backwards when initially arriving on an unseen moving platform. After that happened, she looked amused for a quick second before quickly getting into character.
— A good laugh from Chris’ exit line: “Your mom and I have some bedroom-related things to work out.”
— Rachel mistaking Andy’s bong for a toy is pretty funny.
— Not sure what to say about most of this sketch, but it’s decent.
— Rachel’s exit line: “If you need me, I’ll be in the living room watching scrambled porn.”
STARS: ***


UPDATE
CHP & John McEnroe [real] analyze host’s performance on SNL so far

— ANOTHER John MacEnroe appearance tonight. Who exactly is tonight’s host again?
— It’s always a nice and creative change of pace the rare times SNL does a post-sketch analysis segment like this.
— John MacEnroe, on how Andy Roddick could fail as a host: “He could freak out like Martin Lawrence and start swearing, or pull an Adrien Brody and start babbling in a Jamaican accent for no reason.” A very funny reference to two infamous SNL hosts, though I have to nitpick the Martin Lawrence reference, as “freaking out and starting to swear” is not even close to being accurate to what Martin’s hosting stint is infamous for. Or was MacEnroe’s line just referring to Martin’s reputation in general?
— Ehhh, I could do without a cliched “You cannot be serious!” reference from MacEnroe, though admittedly, he’s making it fun enough.
STARS: ****


ANDERSON MELLNER YEAR END PARTY
Daryl Hall (WLF) & John Oates (FRA) sink to corporate awards banquet gig

— I always love the pairing of Will and Fred, and they’re funny in their portrayal of Hall & Oates.
— Some laughs from Hall & Oates awkwardly shoehorning employee names into the lyrics of well-known Hall & Oates songs being performed.
— Wow, Will is really putting all of his soul into the note he’s singing right now, in a comedic fashion.
STARS: ***½


ADOPTION
Richard Williams (KET) wants to make host the brother of Venus & Serena

— Another post-sketch bit? And I’m surprised we haven’t had a commercial break since the Governess sketch started. A huge rarity for SNL to do four consecutive segments with no commercial break interruptions.
— This is probably the biggest showcase Kenan has had up to this point of his SNL tenure. It’ll be interesting to see how he does.
— Ehhh, Kenan’s performance isn’t doing much for me. He’s not too bad here, actually, but this feels like a pale shadow of the strong performance that he would give if he did this sketch nowadays.
STARS: **


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Save Me”


WEEKEND UPDATE
presidential candidate Tim Calhoun pulls skeletons out of his own closet

two-faced Rosie O’Donnell’s (HOS) demeanor is alternately sanguine & sour

— Yesssss! Tim Fucking Calhoun!
— I absolutely love how Tim Calhoun’s commentaries are always a string of non-sequitur one-liners, one of my all-time favorite forms of comedy.
— Tim Calhoun: “I propose that for scientific purposes, we breed a type of midget even smaller than the normal midget. We can call them… Shetland midgets.”
— Oh, come the hell on, SNL. A Horatio Sanz commentary on Update for the THIRD consecutive episode, and after how much of an abomination his last two commentaries were?
— (*groan*) There goes Jimmy and Horatio being a giggly mess as usual. Unlike the last episode, though, Jimmy is actually the one laughing worse than Horatio.
— I kinda like the idea of a two-sided Rosie O’Donnell giving an Update commentary, but I’m not caring for the execution, thanks to Horatio’s overly jokey, self-amused performance. As much as I don’t care for this, this at least isn’t nearly as much of a nightmare as Horatio’s last two Update commentaries were.
— This ends up being Horatio’s only appearance of the night, which is certainly refreshing after how heavily the show relied on him the last two episodes and how consistently annoying a lot of his performances were in those two episodes.
STARS: ***


TENNIS TALK WITH TIME TRAVELING SCOTT JOPLIN
past (SEM), present (host), future (WLF) of Andre Agassi

— This brilliantly absurd sketch from the preceding season’s Brittany Murphy episode returns for its second and final installment.
— I love the idea of the three guests in this installment being Andre Agassi from three different time periods. And Will is absolutely perfectly cast as Future Andre Agassi.
— Maya-as-Scott-Joplin’s smug smiles towards the camera while playing the piano after a zinger of his are even funnier here than they were in the first installment.
— Future Andre Agassi, when past and present Andre Agassi are arguing about Barbra Streisand: “That’s no way to talk about the president of the United States!”
— The audience seems to have gotten really tired of Scott Joplin’s constant zingers. It’s still killing with me, though.
— Overall, even better than the great first installment of this sketch.
STARS: *****


MERV THE PERV
Merv The Perv harasses patients in a gynecologist’s (host) waiting room

— This character has officially become recurring, after debuting over a year prior.
— We get the debut of Merv The Perv’s opening title sequence, but unlike subsequent installments of this sketch, the opening title sequence doesn’t have a theme song tonight. It just has Merv The Perv narrating about himself while background music plays.
— For some reason, I got a big laugh from Rachel’s simple delivery of “Ew.” after the opening title sequence ended.
— I like Merv The Perv’s ways of twisting innocent things ladies say into dirty statements (e.g. turning “I will break every bone in your body” into “I’d like to break into your body with my bone-y.”).
— Much like with another Chris Parnell recurring sketch, the Bloater Brothers, I seem to be in the minority in liking these Merv The Perv sketches.
— The concept of Andy being the attractive gynecologist who ladies find desirable and Merv The Perv being the unattractive gynecologist who ladies are turned off by reminds me of the Mel Gibson, Dream Gynecologist sketch from season 14, where Jon Lovitz appeared at the end as the undesirable gynecologist.
STARS: ***


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “So Damn Lucky”


JOCK TALK
testosterone drives Blake (JER) & fellow brutes (SEM) & (host)

— IIRC, this is a sketch version of a jock bit that Jeff did in his stand-up act around this time.
— There goes John MacEnroe making a FOURTH appearance tonight. Will somebody remind me once again why Roddick is hosting and not MacEnroe?
— Man, this sketch is DEAD. Not even MacEnroe is saving this. I don’t know what’s not working about the execution of this sketch, but it is simply NOT WORKING. There’s not a laugh to be heard from the audience nor me.
— Even just the setting and format of this sketch feels so tired. Does this SNL era need yet ANOTHER potentially-recurring talk show sketch? (Jeff’s impending mid-season disappearance prevents this sketch from eventually becoming recurring, though the lack of any audience laughter might’ve already sealed this sketch’s fate of staying a one-and-done sketch.) And having stock, boring jock characters hosting this particular talk show sketch isn’t the way to inject much-needed life into this tired format.
— I love Jeff as a celebrity impressionist, but between Drunk Girl, Baby K, and now this jock character, I’m finding Jeff’s character work to leave A LOT to be desired.
— Boy, an SNL crew member really screwed up just now when they tried cueing audio of Kelly Clarkson’s “Miss Independent” song. Sadly, that unscripted gaffe is the closest to a funny thing to happen in this entire sketch.
STARS: *


ACTION NEWS 13
local newscast is debilitated by incessant theme music & audio overload

— Great to see Will getting so much airtime tonight, especially given how extremely underused he was in the first two episodes of this season.
— I like the slow burn that Will and Maya’s news anchors do when the opening news theme music fails to stop.
— The look on Andy’s face when the music keeps preventing him from speaking is pretty funny.
— Out of SNL’s “Everything goes wrong during a newscast or morning show” sketches, this is okay, but doesn’t hold a candle to the one that SNL did with Will Ferrell and Ana Gasteyer in season 27’s Britney Spears episode, nor the one that SNL would later do with Horatio and Kristen Wiig in the Julia Louis-Dreyfus-hosted episode from season 31.
STARS: ***


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— An average episode. The show started off shaky with the first few segments, but afterwards, things stabilized to an overall decent effort.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Kelly Ripa)
a very slight step down


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Alec Baldwin

Posted on

November 1, 2003 – Kelly Ripa / Outkast (S29 E4)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

WEAPON DISCOVERIES
George W. Bush’s (DAH) Iraq initiatives would’ve been welcome in the USA

— OH FUCKING NO. We get the debut of Darrell’s notoriously bad George W. Bush impression, after SNL has abruptly yanked the impression away from Chris. Tonight’s episode is already starting off on shaky ground.
— Okay, I can kinda see what Darrell is intending with the Bush voice, but MY GOD, is his attempt not coming off well at all. His impression just sounds like Darrell Hammond speaking out of a small mouth. He’s not even trying.
— Why does Darrell look like he’s about to bust out laughing during this entire cold opening? Why does he have that awkward smirk on his face? It’s almost like he’s fully aware of how bad his Bush impression is.
— Was Darrell’s mild trouble in pronouncing the word “Tikrit” a genuine mistake or just a scripted Bush-ism? If it was a scripted Bush-ism, Darrell didn’t do anywhere near enough to make it comical. He just mildly stumbled over the word, paused awkwardly, and then went on with the remainder of the dialogue. Ugh, what an unfunny mess his performance is.
— Oh, so now we’re relying on a whole bunch of lame props to “save” this D.O.A. mess? (*groan*)
— This cold opening is PAINFUL. I have not laughed a single damn time. As horrid as Darrell’s Bush impression is, the material is also at fault here. I don’t think even Will Ferrell could’ve made this material funny back when he was regularly playing Bush. Looks like Jim Downey’s poor writing of political cold openings in the second half of the preceding season has carried over into this season. It’s hard to believe this is the same Jim Downey who wrote so much strong and reliable political material for the show in the preceding three decades, and even very early in this 2000s decade.
— Overall, this may be the most unintentionally laughless cold opening since… God, I don’t know when. When was the last time I gave a cold opening a one-star rating? (One-and-a-half-star ratings don’t count in this case.) Season 20?
STARS: *


MONOLOGUE
host answers questions of Terrell (J.B. Smoove) & other audience members

— Wow, a bit of a change from usual questions-from-the-audience monologues, with Kelly Ripa actually going into the studio audience to take her first few questions (before taking the rest of her questions from the home base stage like hosts usually do).
— Steve Higgins works his way into another monologue, just two episodes after having a fun showcase in Justin Timberlake’s monologue. Always a treat to see Higgins appearing onscreen on SNL.
— Then-new SNL writer J.B. Smoove makes his first of quite a number of memorable onscreen SNL appearances. Glad to see this.
— J.B. is freakin’ HILARIOUS in this. He is slaying me.
— The idea of J.B. Smoove and Paula Pell being a married couple is hilarious in itself.
— Jim Downey (right after I bashed his writing in the cold opening) is good as the creepy audience member inappropriately obsessing over Kelly’s teenage days on Dance Party USA, even though the humor feels kinda cliched today. The same bit that Downey is doing here would later be done by Chris Parnell in Natalie Portman’s questions-from-the-audience monologue two seasons later.
— Seeing J.B. Smoove’s first onscreen SNL appearance was exciting enough, but now we get the very first onscreen appearance of another then-new SNL writer as well as a future cast member: Jason Sudeikis!
— It feels so odd and jarring to see Jason at this point of SNL’s run, and makes me eager to reach his tenure as a cast member. And, ha, look at the hairstyle he had back at this time.
— Wow, even in his first onscreen SNL appearance, Jason absolutely kills with his first string of dialogue: “I’m a big fan of your new sitcom, Hope & Faith.” Kelly: “Oh, thank you!” Jason: “Nah, I was just kidding.” Very promising sign of things to later come from Jason.
STARS: ****


TRESSANT SUPRÊME
crack cocaine in Tressant Supreme hair color enables host’s busy schedule

— Very funny concept of the busy Kelly Ripa using hair shampoo that contains “just a liiiiiiittle bit of crack cocaine”.
— An absolutely priceless very brief and unexpected cutaway to Kelly dancing wildly while making “Ooh-a ooh-a!” sounds.
— Kelly is giving a very solid performance here, and is executing this premise well.
— Hmm, I’m kinda disappointed this has ended already. This commercial was good, but it had potential to go much further with the crack-induced craziness, which it initially seemed like it was going to do.
STARS: ***½


LIVE WITH REGIS & KELLY
Angelina Jolie (host) is weird

— Nice to see Darrell’s Regis impression, just because I want to see Darrell redeem himself from his horrid Bush impression earlier tonight.
— A too-soon Chris Kattan cameo, reprising his role as a flamboyant, stereotypically gay Gelman. Blah. Is this really necessary?
— Here comes Kelly in her “cast member plays the host while the host plays someone else” role, as Angelina Jolie.
— Ugh, the usual bits with Kattan’s Gelman, which was never funny to me to begin with, are coming off soooo tired tonight.
— A laugh from Kelly’s Jolie kicking Amy’s Kelly in the face because “I find your perkiness disgusting.”
STARS: ***


ACCESS HOLLYWOOD
Renee Zellweger (host) praises her obesity coach (HOS)

— Quite a lot of celebrity impressions from Kelly so far tonight.
— Blah, this just seems to be an excuse for Horatio to ham it up with a goofy, exaggerated, slow voice, and potentially crack up both himself and Jimmy.
— Yep, there goes Horatio’s obligatory laughing at his own performance. (*sigh*) Jimmy’s at least not breaking quite as badly as I expected.
— I can see some people finding Horatio’s performance in this sketch to be hilarious, but he’s just annoying the hell out of me. And the lazy, cheap fat jokes all throughout this sketch aren’t making this any better.
— During Jimmy-as-Pat O’Brien’s sign-off at the end, what the holy fuck was with his VEEEERRRRRY long, awkward pauses after saying things like “Wait’ll you see what my good friend Keanu Reeves is up to”? Those long pauses were seemingly intentional, but I don’t understand what the hell they were going for, and apparently, neither does the audience, judging from their painfully uncomfortable silence.
STARS: *½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Hey Ya!”


WEEKEND UPDATE
at the NYC Marathon, Sean Combs (FIM) returns fire of starter’s pistol

still in her Catwoman costume, Drunk Girl recalls Halloween

Jimmy Buffett (HOS) recounts Tyco party via “Margaritaville” variants

— In the spirit of tonight’s musical guest, Jimmy and Tina sign on at the beginning of tonight’s Update under the names Andre “Ice Cold” 3000 and Big Boi.
— In an earlier Update from this season, Jimmy did a vocal impression of Arnold Schwarzenegger that was much better than the Schwarzenegger impression that Darrell regularly does. Now we get Tina doing a good Schwarzenegger vocal impression of her own, officially proving that everyone and their mother can do a better Schwarzenegger than Darrell.
— A very Norm Macdonald-esque “crack” joke about Whitney Houston from Jimmy, feeling like a throwback to Norm’s famous running joke about Marion Barry.
— Some really good jokes from Jimmy and Tina so far tonight.
— The brief P. Diddy marathon race bit was funny. There’s a misconception in some episode guides that J.B. Smoove played P. Diddy in this. It was actually Finesse playing P. Diddy. No idea what caused the mix-up. Finesse and J.B. look nothing alike. Maybe it was the sunglasses that threw some people off. (If you need proof that it was Finesse and not J.B. playing P. Diddy, below is a screencap from the end of the P. Diddy segment, in which his sunglasses unintentionally fly upwards when he’s running away, revealing his eyes.)

This ends up being Finesse’s only appearance all night, and if it had been J.B. Smoove who played P. Diddy here, then not only would that mean Finesse would be completely absent in this episode, but that BOTH of SNL’s black male cast members would be completely absent in tonight’s episode, as Kenan will not be seen tonight. We actually do eventually get an episode in which Kenan and Finesse, SNL’s only two black guys, are both absent in an episode: the following season’s premiere, of all episodes.
— Once again, I share Tina’s usual disdain whenever she introduces a Drunk Girl commentary.
— Two minutes into this Drunk Girl commentary, and I have yet to laugh a single time. Thankfully, this ends up being the final appearance of this character.
— Okay, the M&Ms bit that Drunk Girl does towards the end of this commentary is decent.
— Wow, talk about a Norm-esque joke from Jimmy. He now does a particularly Norm-esque off-color, dark joke about the recently-deceased Rod Roddy being “nestled warmly at the right hand of Satan”. I admire the pure balls it took for Jimmy to do such a harsh joke that randomly implied Rod Roddy went to hell after dying. That joke receives a boo or two from the audience, just like some of Norm’s particularly off-color jokes received back in the day.
— Oh, dear god, help me. Here goes another Fallon & Sanz bit, for the second time tonight, and for the second Update in a row. Jesus Christ, SNL. Wasn’t the Super Fans abomination that Horatio did in the last Update enough?
— God, this painfully unfunny, rambling, and seemingly lightly-scripted Jimmy Buffett commentary of Horatio’s is FUCKING. BRUTAL. TORTURE. End this now, SNL. This feels like an even more unfunny sequel to Horatio’s Elton John commentary from the preceding season’s Adrien Brody episode.
— Oh, great, now Horatio is ad-libbing the then-forbidden-on-NBC word “goddamn” several times while giggling at himself. Just stop, Horatio. You ain’t no Norm when it comes to ad-libbing “goddamn” freely.
— I cannot complain enough about how irksome it is that SNL gives Horatio so much free rein to fuck around on the air during sketches or Update commentaries with half-written material. Honestly, even freakin’ Jimmy looks slightly annoyed by Horatio at a few points of tonight’s Update commentary (though maybe that’s just Jimmy acting in character), and almost seems like he’s only forcibly laughing along with Horatio to humor him, not because he’s genuinely amused by him like he usually is.
— I remember how, right after tonight’s episode originally aired, a lot of people on the online SNL newsgroup (alt.tv.snl) were angrily demanding the firing of Horatio. Yep, it had gotten to that degree. Some people had had ENOUGH of Horatio’s nonsense. Of course, unsurprisingly, these online complaints led to nothing happening to Horatio on SNL, but if SNL had fired him around this time, I personally wouldn’t have had any objections. Sure, Horatio certainly has his moments, but even at his best, he’s always been an expendable cast member to me. And at his worst? Oof. The self-indulgent hamminess and mugging, the painfully awkward long pauses before delivering some of his lines, the self-amused breaking, the constant jackassery with Jimmy, the unearned free rein to do whatever the hell unfunny nonsense he wants to on the air, etc. And we’ve been particularly bombarded with a display of ALL of those things these past two episodes.
STARS: ***


COW FART STUDY
while on the job, cow fart scientist (WLF) reconciles with wife (host)

— Will and Kelly’s individual lines occasionally being punctuated by cow farts is making me laugh in spite of myself.
— A rare example of SNL actually pulling off a fart sketch well. It helps that this fart sketch also happens to be a patented oddball Will Forte sketch.
— The melodramatic argument between Will and Kelly on the subject of cow farts is hilarious.
— A particularly funny part with a silent Will being in deep thought while farts are going off non-stop in the background.
— I had thought for sure this was a Will Forte-written sketch, despite being more juvenile than his usual material, but the use of a toy model of the earth blowing up at the end of this sketch kinda reminds me of the ending of a really wretched and unfunny sketch that I believe I found out was written by James Anderson, in a Miley Cyrus-hosted episode from 10 years later, in which a cheerleading squad is abducted by an alien spaceship one-by-one. Plus, this Cow Fart Study sketch focused a lot on fart humor, which is a bit of a staple of James Anderson sketches. I now find myself wondering if Anderson wrote this Cow Fart Study sketch. If he did, I give him a lot of credit for doing a good job with this solid sketch, which is saying a lot coming from me, as he’s often the writer behind a lot of sketches that I strongly dislike.
STARS: ****


LEILANI BURKE: PET PSYCHIC
animal ESP is secondary to Leilani Burke’s singing career

— A very random return of Maya’s Leilani character from a forgotten-but-well-written 10-to-1 sketch in the Katie Holmes episode from three seasons prior. The character is now placed in a new setting, given a last name (Burke), and given white streaks in her hair that she didn’t have in her previous appearance.
— I recall an online SNL fan at the time saying the new white streaks in Leilani’s curly red hair made her resemble Bonnie Raitt.
— I like the cheesy theme song Maya’s Leilani performs.
— This is the second time SNL has used a “Welcome Back Potter” joke these past two seasons, after a commercial SNL did in the preceding season’s Brittany Murphy episode.
— At least Horatio’s managing to not annoy me here, for once tonight.
— A very odd and random sketch, but it’s coming off amusing enough, though I’m not laughing out loud. Solid performance from Maya, though.
— I like the eventual reveal that Leilani learned to talk to animals after drinking a box of paint thinner.
STARS: ***


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest & Sleepy Brown [real] perform “The Way You Move”


SPY GLASS
Ian (SEM) & Zoe (AMP) dish dirt on British celebrities

— The debut of a short-lived recurring sketch that I remember strongly disliking at the time, but lots of other online SNL fans seemed to love. I recall being perplexed over the love so many people had for these sketches. Maybe I’ll now understand it, as I will now go into these sketches with a more open mind.
— I was about to say how surprising it is that Seth is just now making his first appearance of the night, in the second-to-last sketch of the episode, but then I remembered he was in a small pre-taped scene in the Regis & Kelly sketch. Either way, I had completely forgotten about him until his appearance in this Spy Glass sketch. He’s become such a forgettable cast member to me over the course of these past two seasons.
— Seth’s delivery of his long string of puns during the Elle MacPherson news item was very fun and impressive.
— Ugh, after my praise for Seth above, he annoyed me just now with that ol’ penchant he occasionally has for horrible overacting. Come on, Seth, I’m trying to LIKE you here.
— Rachel’s segment tickled the hell out of me.
— A pretty good laugh from Seth’s character admitting he overdid it with his puns during his Ian McKellen news item.
— A… uh, clever(???) callback to tonight’s earlier Access Hollywood sketch, with Jimmy reprising his Pat O’Brien impression by playing a British version of him in this sketch. Not quite sure this is something I needed, though.
— Oh, geez, Jimmy’s British Pat O’Brien ends his segment by doing VERY long, awkward pauses after each upcoming celebrity news item he teases, just like he did at the end of the Access Hollywood sketch earlier tonight. And just like when he did it in that Access Hollywood sketch, it’s met with uncomfortable silence from the audience during this Spy Glass sketch. Does ANYONE understand why SNL keeps having Jimmy’s Pat O’Brien do those long, awkward pauses after teasing upcoming celebrity news items? I used to watch Access Hollywood regularly back in this era (which is not something I’m proud to admit), and Pat O’Brien NEVER paused awkwardly like that. So what the hell is SNL going for by having Jimmy do it?
— Seth and Amy’s chemistry is fun here, as usual whenever they’re paired together.
— What was the point of going back to Kelly’s Geri Halliwell for a second report, when she had nothing to really say this time? That fell completely flat.
— Overall, a hit-and-miss sketch, but I have enough goodwill towards the hits to give the overall sketch a passing rating. I’m glad to have somewhat come around on this sketch, given how strongly I used to dislike it.
STARS: ***


GREENBRIAR COUNTY ANIMAL RESCUE SHELTER
(CHP) & (host) defame a seemingly-adorable pup that’s up for adoption

— Geez, Chris is JUST NOW making his first appearance of the night, in the 10-to-1 sketch?!? Unlike when I mistakenly thought Seth made his first appearance of the night in the second-to-last sketch of this episode, THIS actually bothers me, as Chris is a far more valuable cast member than Seth, in my opinion. Between Chris getting his Bush impression abruptly yanked away from him against his will earlier this week, and now him having his only appearance of the night be buried at the very end of the show, you’ve got to wonder if poor Chris started worrying about his job security, fearing a potential reprisal of his 2001 firing.
— The setting and framing of this sketch is bringing SNL’s future Whiskers ‘R We sketches to mind.
— Also, it’s odd how this is the second sketch tonight filled with pets, after the Leilani Burke sketch.
— Very funny turn with Chris’ extremely blunt statement of “Pumpkin is a bit of a douchebag.”
— A random but funny slam from Kelly about Craig Kilborn being a soulless creep.
— The dissonant adorable close-ups of Pumpkin the puppy while Kelly and Chris are saying vicious things about him are adding to the humor.
— Some really great slams from Chris about Pumpkin. Kelly has funny ones too, but Chris is really standing out to me. He is fantastic in this sketch, and it’s nice to see him play against type.
STARS: ****


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A pretty good episode, particularly the post-Weekend Update half of the show, which felt pretty consistent. What was bad in this episode was reeeeaaaalllly brutal, though: Darrell Hammond’s painful Bush cold opening, and Horatio Sanz’s typical self-indulgent jackassery in both the Access Hollywood sketch and (especially) Weekend Update. Luckily, the bad aspects of tonight’s episode were kept to a minimum.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Halle Berry)
a fairly big step up


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Andy Roddick

Posted on

October 18, 2003 – Halle Berry / Britney Spears (S29 E3)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

PRESS CONFERENCE
publicly-supportive wife (MAR) yanks Kobe Bryant’s (FIM) leash in private

— A solid fiery-mad performance from Maya as Vanessa Bryant whenever Chris steps out of the room, and how Maya’s Vanessa immediately shifts back to “loving, sentimental, supporting wife” mode whenever Chris returns to the room.
— Maya’s Vanessa responding to Finesse-as-Kobe’s “I hate that!” with “You know what *I* hate? I hate goin’ to my husband’s rape trial” is a line that stuck with me for a lot of years, and got a very big audience reaction.
— Interesting fake-out with Finesse’s “Live from New York…” getting cut off by Maya. It would’ve been shocking if SNL let Finesse say LFNY only three episodes into his tenure as a new featured player. Then again, Abby Elliott would later say LFNY in only her fifth episode as a featured player, and likewise for Paul Brittain in only his fourth episode as a featured player.
STARS: ***


MONOLOGUE
LOM tries to get host to kiss musical guest a la Madonna at MTV Awards

— A pretty cliched premise, and SNL has gone to the “Lorne plays a horndog towards the host and/or musical guest” well a few times too many by this point of SNL’s run.
— I bet Lorne died a little inside having to mention Adrien Brody when bringing up Halle’s Oscars kiss. The next time SNL mentions Adrien Brody, just two episodes from now, it wouldn’t be in such a kind manner.
— I did get a laugh from Lorne asking Halle and Britney Spears to “Do it for those poor Cub fans”, as this is just a few days after the infamous Steve Bartman incident (an incident I remember all too well, as someone who lived in Chicago at the time and was exposed to the incident ad nauseam on the local news the week of tonight’s episode.)
— This monologue ends with Halle and Britney basically promising us that they’ll kiss later in the episode. However, said kiss ends up NEVER happening. Really, SNL? What a cheap-ass ratings gimmick, trying to get viewers to stay tuned into tonight’s episode, expecting a Halle/Britney kiss. (And SNL also teased the same thing in one of the promos earlier that week.) And then the kiss ends up not even happening! I would call this a new low for SNL, but I guess it ain’t THAT big a deal. Still, though, fucking really, SNL?
STARS: **


GAYSTROGEN
Gaystrogen restores homosexual behavior of (CHP)’s partner (FRA)

— I remember finding this commercial absolutely hilarious back when it originally aired, but all these years later, I now find this kind of gay stereotype humor hacky and tired, especially in an SNL era that relied increasingly heavier on this type of humor.
— After Fred yelled “White is white, Steven!”, I did like Parnell’s humorously dramatic, emotional delivery of “Since when, Russ?! Since when?”
— The part showing a computerized model graphic responding to taking a Gaystrogen pill by becoming rainbow-colored and doing a “gay” dance is one particular part of this commercial that I remember had me howling back in 2003, but I now just groan and roll my eyes at.
— The only thing I’ll say about the cheap man-on-man kissing from Fred and Chris at the end of this commercial is that it’s ironic how tonight’s SNL episode ends up not coming through on their promise of a Halle/Britney kiss, but does give us a same-sex kiss with two men instead. Is this SNL’s way of trolling all the horndogs who were anxiously awaiting the Halle/Britney kiss or something?
STARS: **


THE DON ZIMMER SPORTS SPECTACULAR
guests easily parry Don Zimmer’s (HOS) attacks

— I love Will singing the opening theme song. There’s a subtle absurdity to it that’s great.
— A very topical sketch that doesn’t hold up well, as the Don Zimmer/Pedro Martinez fight it’s based on is probably forgotten by a lot of people today, and is completely unknown to young people watching it in the future. Then again, I didn’t find this sketch funny even when it originally aired.
— Horatio is slipping some mannerisms of old-timey comedians into his Don Zimmer impression whenever he apologizes at the camera. I hear some of both Lou Costello and Curly from the Three Stooges in his voice (hell, at one point, he almost broke into Costello’s “I’m a baaaaaad boy” catchphrase), and just now, he even did the Curly-from-the-Three-Stooges hand-wave towards the camera. You’d think I’d love all of this, if you know how much of a diehard Three Stooges fanatic I am (and a fanatic of classic comedy teams in general, including Abbott & Costello), but nope. Horatio’s Curly/Lou Costello pastiche is just coming off annoying and unnecessary, and you can tell he’s probably amusing himself like crazy, which is something I always find UNBEARABLE about him. He finds himself far funnier than I do.
— Another annoying thing about Horatio’s performance here is that he keeps awkwardly pausing before delivering some lines. He’s always had a bad habit of doing that sometimes in general.
— I always love Darrell’s Bob Costas impression.
— Blah, a VERY one-joke sketch. And one joke that got tired after the first minute. Why the hell was this extremely thin sketch placed as the lead-off sketch of the night (besides the topical nature of it)?
— Boy, was that a lame ending… if it can even be called an ending.
— SNL would later replace this sketch with the dress rehearsal version in reruns.
STARS: *½


VERSACE HALLOWEEN
Naomi Campbell (host) & Elton John (HOS) visit

— Blah again. Ever since the Robert DeNiro episode from the preceding season, these Versace sketches have officially lost steam. And between the Don Zimmer sketch and this, tonight’s episode isn’t exactly off to a hot start.
— Okay, I did love the part just now with Versace inappropriately giving the trick-or-treating kids “candy cigarettes”, which are literally some candy and some cigarettes. That kinda reminds me of a classic bit from a Coneheads Halloween sketch, in which the Coneheads give trick-or-treating kids a 6-pack of beer.
— A nice and committed dive through a breakaway wall from Halle just now.
— Both SNL and NBC would go on to love that visual of Horatio’s Elton John wearing a Spongebob costume, as they would end up using an image of it in a number of things, including SNL promos displayed on the bottom of the screen during some other NBC shows.
— Ugh, Horatio looks like he’s cracking himself up AS USUAL, during the part when where his Elton John is singing. And right after I complained about how damn amused by himself Horatio often comes off.
— The gag with a bat flying out from under Versace’s dress fell flat.
— Okay, I did love Versace’s line after the aforementioned bat gag, with her starting to wrap up her show by saying “Since you can’t top a bat flying out of my cooch…”
STARS: **½


TEL-E-LINK
tel-e-link phone service is simple if you’re a cellular technology expert

— A decent commercial, though the premise of people casually spouting off increasingly complicated technical terms as if it’s simple was already used in that Wilson Countersink Flanges commercial from season 18. I think there was also another sketch or commercial that SNL used that premise in, but I can’t remember what.
— This is the first passing rating I’ve given to a segment tonight since all the way back in the cold opening.
STARS: ***


QUICK ONES
Quick Ones pills efficiently provide immediate sexual gratification

— Amy’s monotone fast-paced orgasm utterances after taking the pill was pretty funny.
— Meh, this premise is already starting to get a little old and one-note.
— Okay, Will is making the gag funny again with his great delivery.
— I got no laughs from that “We’re coming” double entendre at the end, even though it was intended to be badly cheesy.
STARS: **½


JAPANESE STEAK HOUSE
on her birthday, Starkisha (FIM) seeks shrimp at a Japanese restaurant

— OH FUCKING NO. The Starkisha bit that Finesse gave us an extended sample of in his Weekend Update commentary as himself in this season’s premiere has now been spun-off into its own recurring sketch. Oh, these are gonna be some brutally bad sketches to get through.
— Even the names of Starkisha’s friends in this sketch, Frerejaque and Appreciante, are reused from Finesse’s aforementioned Update commentary in the season premiere.
— Halle doing a variation of her work in the movie B.A.P.S.
— I still can’t get over how baby-faced Kenan looks in these early episodes of his compared to how he looks today. Then again, there is a 17-year gap between then and now.
— Boy, this is some cringey and groanworthy stereotypical ghetto humor.
— Chris, to Kenan, in regards to Starkisha and her friends: “Could you please tell your friends to keep it down?” Kenan: “Why they gotta be my friends? Hey, man, I came with YOU.” Solid delivery from Kenan on that very funny line, reminding me of what a reliable and sketch-saving straight man he would go on to regularly become in more recent seasons.
— Good god, that ending bit with Starkisha telling an Asian waiter “I loved you in that movie Rush Hour” was hacky as hell.
STARS: *½


THE SUNDAY NATIONAL ENQUIRER
The Sunday National Enquirer gives erudite readers their trash fix

— Some pretty good laughs from the way this National Enquirer ad is being presented in the manner of a wholesome and reputable newspaper ad.
— This is over already? This actually could’ve benefited from an extra half-minute. Speaking of which, I’m not 100% sure, but I think SNL would later show a longer version of this commercial in reruns, which includes more customers giving testimonials about the National Enquirer.
— Very awkward how this ended with no applause from the audience.
STARS: ***


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Me Against The Music”


WEEKEND UPDATE
Native American stand-up Billy Smith (FRA) has to explain his references

Bob Swerski & nephew Bart (HOS) vow revenge on Cubs fan Steve Bartman

— Fred does his first of several intentionally bad stand-up comedian characters (I don’t think Fericito is supposed to be bad).
— I’m getting a big kick out of the anti-comedy of Fred’s Billy Smith commentary, and Fred is executing this very well. I remember when this episode originally aired, I absolutely loved how this Billy Smith commentary felt very much in the vein of Andy Kaufman (one of my biggest comedy idols). In his prime, Fred has a great knack for Andy Kaufman-style humor.
— Could’ve done without that bizarre ad-libbed vocalization Tina made in reaction to the audience’s response to her Kabbalah joke.
— That Chinese Space Launch bit… ehh, didn’t we already do a bit earlier tonight (the Starkisha sketch) making use of bad Asian stereotypes that have now aged poorly?
— There goes yet another display of Tina’s love of gay-themed punchlines.
— Tina keeps making unnecessary weird ad-libs after some of her jokes tonight. It kinda reminds me of Colin Quinn’s bad habit of muttering bizarre, often unfunny, and barely intelligible ad-libs in response to the audience reactions to some of his Update jokes.
— Now this is just sad. Horatio as a seemingly semi-mentally challenged member of Bill Swerski’s Super Fans? What the fuck are you doing, SNL?!? Get this crap off my screen. You’re pissing all over the legacy of the Super Fans sketches. Not to mention we’re getting yet another dreaded display of typical Fallon & Sanz jackassery.
— Boy, that is one horrible Chicago accent from Horatio, but I know it turns out to be an intentional part of his characterization, as we’ll see later on. Still doesn’t make it funny.
— As if I haven’t been shitting on Horatio enough in this episode review, now we get MORE painfully awkward long pauses between his lines here, like I mentioned earlier tonight. Ugh. I hate this habit of his. Why does he DO that?!?
— Ah, the return of George Wendt as Bob Swerski, here to save this unbearable Fallon/Sanz bit! Why didn’t SNL just have Wendt’s Bob Swerski come on in the first place by himself, without Horatio prefacing him by doing a terrible “updated” version of the Super Fans routine?
— I wonder if part of the reason for Wendt being willing to show up tonight is because his nephew, Jason Sudeikis, had recently debuted on SNL as a writer.
— Oh, no. Even with Wendt, this Super Fans commentary is still not working for me. It’s a complete mess, and the All That Jazz number at the end is doing nothing for me. It’s also sad to see Wendt get brought down to Jimmy and Horatio’s immature level. Just end this commentary already, SNL. I can’t watch anymore.
— The Super Fans commentary would later get replaced with the dress rehearsal version in reruns.
STARS: **


THE BEST OF KLYMAXX
Joey Lawrence (SEM) tries to interest ’80s fans in The Best Of Klymaxx

— Finesse in drag TWICE tonight?
— Speaking of black men in drag, it feels odd in retrospect seeing Kenan in his very first of MANY drag roles on SNL, given the fact that, 10 years later in 2013, he would publicly take a stand against dressing in drag and vow to officially stop playing women on SNL. I believe he has kept his word on that to this day, 7 years later, and it’s just one of several examples of how much he’s matured as a performer in more recent years. I wonder what his final drag role on SNL was.
— Boy, this sketch is doing absolutely NOTHING for me. Just having Halle and the cast play Klymaxx and sing their songs isn’t inherently funny.
— Okay, I did get a laugh from Rachel’s facial expression and sassy head-bob after incredulously asking “Your half?!?”
— The running bit with Fred’s non-responses to Seth’s Joey Lawrence asking him how great the Klymaxx CD is is falling REALLY flat. It’s getting zero laughs from both the audience and me. And Horatio’s long, awkward pauses from earlier portions of tonight’s episode must be contagious, because there’s an awful lot of bad long pauses between Fred and Seth’s lines in this sketch. Man, what the hell is going ON in tonight’s episode???
— Having Klymaxx do a variation of Duran Duran’s “Hungry Like The Wolf” is at least fairly funny in concept, even if I’m still not laughing all that much at the execution of it.
STARS: *½


BROKAW VOICEMAIL
Tom Brokaw (CHP) gets mad while recording a voicemail message for (host)

— Blah (I’ve been saying that quite a lot in this episode review), this sketch is going NOWHERE. I’m more than three minutes into this, and I haven’t laughed a single time.
— Great fiery-mad delivery from Chris when he loses his temper while recording the final voicemail message towards the end of this sketch. I still haven’t laughed a single time during this entire sketch, but at least Chris’ angry delivery towards the end was impressive.
— Horrible ending.
— SNL would later replace this sketch with the dress rehearsal version in reruns. (Notice a trend in this episode? Well, besides the trend of this episode sucking.) Two big differences I can remember in the dress version of this sketch is that, instead of telling Brokaw “Now you sound like you’re gay” after one of Brokaw’s recordings like she does in the live version, Halle actually says “Now you sound like a f*g”, though the slur in that line was bleeped out on TV. The ending was completely different in both versions too. The dress version’s ending (something to do with us seeing Halle’s voicemail playing the fiery-mad message that Brokaw recorded and it being followed by Halle saying something on the voicemail about how unpleasant it is to work with Brokaw) was a little less hacky then the live version’s ending, but still not funny.
STARS: *


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Everytime”


ASHFORD & SIMPSON
on her birthday, (host) is thrilled to meet Ashford (KET) & Simpson (MAR)

— First a Klymaxx sketch, and now a freakin’ Ashford & Simpson sketch? What the hell? Were the writers on a 70s and 80s fix this week, or is this just a sign of how bad this season’s writers are at writing for black female hosts?
— Finesse has been getting tons of airtime in this episode, obviously because we have a black host. He’d better be enjoying all of this airtime, because this would end up being as good as it gets for him in his disappointing three-year SNL tenure. Actually, I recall him getting tons of airtime in the following season’s Queen Latifah-hosted episode too, which I guess proves that black women hosting is the only way for Finesse to catch a break on SNL.
— Most of this sketch is very blah (sorry for using that word AGAIN in this episode review). I am liking Kenan’s delivery here, though, which is the only bright spot I’ve been able to find.
— Guess what, folks? This is YET ANOTHER sketch in this episode that would later be replaced with the dress rehearsal version in reruns. (Man, I wonder if this is one of the most heavily-edited-in-reruns SNL episodes of all time?) The biggest difference I can remember is that, in the live version, Halle and Finesse are sitting at their table alone, whereas the dress version has Halle and Finesse accompanied at their table by Rachel and Amy as their friends. I wonder why Rachel and Amy’s roles were removed from the live version.
STARS: *½


SPEEDREADER
speedreader Gary (WLF) uses his skill to pick up (host) at a bar

— Oh, thank god Will Forte has come to save tonight’s dire episode. His patented oddball sketches are always very reliable.
— Hilarious reveal that Will’s sleazy character is a speedreader. It’s also equally hilarious how he keeps bragging about it, thinking it’ll impress Halle.
— I love the vocalizations Will makes whenever he speedreads.
— Will, after speedreading the bible: “Done! Poooooor Jesus.”
— I was actually shocked (as was the studio audience apparently, judging from their silence) at Will bluntly saying “I got a big dick…”, until he hilariously followed it up with, after a one-second pause, “…tionary.”
— This sketch ends a bit abruptly, seemingly because the show is running long. SNL’s been having a problem ending the show on time this season, as this is the second instance in these past three episodes in which the final sketch got cut off early due to the show running long.
STARS: ****½


GOODNIGHTS

— Yep, the show is indeed running long. Much like in the first episode of this season, these goodnights get cut off before Halle even finishes her goodnights speech.
— Speaking of Halle in these goodnights, I remember her sharing a story several months later on The Tonight Show With Jay Leno (lord knows why I was watching that show that night) about how SNL’s wardrobe crew dressed her for these goodnights in such a hurry that they accidentally put her boots on the wrong legs, and she had to do the whole goodnights like that.

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— As if I didn’t say it enough in this episode review… BLAH. Nah, fuck it. Blah is being too kind. This episode was flat-out terrible. The number of sketches I rated one or one-and-a-half stars almost rivals the number of one or one-and-a-half-star sketches from my reviews of some of the more notorious episodes from season 20. The difference is that none of tonight’s sketches are particularly disastrous or infamous among SNL fans (as far as I know). But still, what a lousy, lousy episode, and it has probably one of the lowest rating averages out of all of my reviews in this SNL project. The Speedreader sketch was the ONLY live sketch I liked all night (not counting the cold opening), and that was buried all the way at the end of the show. I remember when this episode originally aired, it was the official point where I started worrying about the quality of this season, especially since I didn’t like the season premiere either.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Justin Timberlake)
a colossal step down


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Kelly Ripa

Posted on

October 11, 2003 – Justin Timberlake (S29 E2)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

HARDBALL WITH CHRIS MATTHEWS
GOP apologists Karl Rove (JER) & Ann Coulter (AMP) on CIA leak

— A new opening title sequence for these Hardball sketches. I like the brief shot of Darrell’s Chris Matthews incredulously shaking his head with a smile.
— Pretty funny pudgy facial make-up on Jeff’s Karl Rove.
— A hilarious slam from Darrell’s Chris Matthews to Amy’s Ann Coulter, telling her she looks like a kneecap with hair.
— Kenan is pretty funny as Gary Coleman. I especially like his passing reference to the infamous Bicycle Man child molestation episode of Diff’rent Strokes.
— Some good lines from Amy’s desperate Ann Coulter.
— Chris Matthews to Ann Coulter: “I would call you a media whore, but I feel that would be offensive to whores.”
— The writers seem to have forgotten to write any funny lines for Jeff’s Karl Rove (though the detective thing at the beginning of his interview was funny), and the bit with him shutting down Hardball fell completely flat with the audience.
— Overall, while this was mostly fine, it paled in comparison to all the exceptionally strong Hardball sketches from the preceding season.
STARS: ***½


OPENING MONTAGE
— After only one episode, some modifications have been made to this season’s new opening montage: Jimmy Fallon and Seth Meyers’ respective shot from the season premiere (first and third screencap below) have been changed to slightly different ones (second and fourth screencap below).


MONOLOGUE
host doesn’t feel right serenading a teeny-bopper’s dad (Steve Higgins)

host performs “Rock Your Body”

— I like the line from Justin Timberlake about being allowed as a kid to stay up late to watch SNL “way, way, way back in the day when, like, Molly Shannon and Chris Kattan were on the show”, even though it’s just a variation of something that Christina Ricci said in her season 25 monologue.
— Steve Higgins is very funny as the audience member brought up onstage.
— Justin’s displaying some good comic timing in his straight man reactions to Steve.
— Justin: “I don’t sign dude’s breasts.”
— The way this transitioned into a full-fledged musical performance on the musical guest stage reminds me of Sting and M.C. Hammer’s monologues from the early 90s.
STARS: N/A (not a rateable segment)


PUNK’D BARELY LEGAL
extreme Ashton Kutcher (host) pranks compiled on DVD

— Justin is a freakin’ riot in his skewering of the over-the-top, loud, spastic Ashton Kutcher.
— Hilarious reveal of Kutcher’s prank on Maya’s Christina Aguilera being him switching out her birth control pills, and how Maya’s Aguilera has a laid-back reaction when finding out about such an inappropriate prank.
— Finesse looks kinda uncanny as 50 Cent here.
— A funny random utterance of “I love Justin Timberlake!” from Justin’s Kutcher before exiting this sketch. I’m assuming that line was an ad-lib, judging from how random it was and from how Justin seemed to kinda break when delivering it.
— An overall perfect length for this great sketch, though at the same time, I wouldn’t have objected to one more prank scene.
STARS: ****½


PRESS CONFERENCE
in-over-his-head governor-elect Arnold Schwarzenegger (DAH) resigns

— Darrell’s Arnold Schwarzenegger impression is kinda growing on me A LITTLE, even though it’s still way off on sounding like the real Schwarzenegger.
— Odd how the camera’s not showing the reporters who are asking Darrell’s Schwarzenegger questions. The first reporter asking a question appears to be Jim Downey, judging from the voice.
— Some laughs from Schwarzenegger admitting how bad of a governor he would make.
— Darrell’s getting pretty stumbly with his lines here.
— I’m starting to kinda lose interest in this, though the material isn’t exactly terrible. Just nothing special.
STARS: **½


A MESSAGE FROM NICK LACHEY & JESSICA SIMPSON
Nick Lachey (JIF) & Jessica Simpson (host) fail to dispel her ditzy image

— A lot of laughs from Justin’s portrayal of Jessica Simpson, and he has lots of funny ditzy lines.
— If only Jimmy could look like he’s NOT about to bust out laughing any second.
— A very funny ending with Justin’s Jessica explaining what she means by “drop the kids off at the pool”.
STARS: ****


BENNY’S VS. OMELETVILLE
singing & dancing mascot (host) overshadows rival breakfast hawker (CHP)

— Ladies and gentlemen, we have a major recurring character debut!
— Meh. I never cared for these very audience-pandering Dancing Mascot sketches.
— I will say that Justin’s energy in tonight’s installment of this sketch is very fun. He would have that same energy in all the subsequent installments of this sketch, but I’m finding that his energy is more endearing here in the first installment.
— Justin’s songs here are thankfully much shorter than the ones he would typically do in later installments of this sketch.
STARS: **½


DIRECTV
Gary Busey (JER) preempts DIRECTV fan letter to praise booby channels

— Jeff’s Gary Busey is always a huge treat.
— Busey’s various stories here are freakin’ hilarious.
— A particularly funny clarification from Busey on his revelation of his farts smelling like butterscotch: “That’s not a joke, they smell like either butt or scotch.”
STARS: ****½


BIRTHDAY DINNER
Sully, Denise, her brother (host) misbehave in a swanky restaurant

— A good laugh from Sully yelling at an old lady for not participating in the Red Sox chant that he starts in the restaurant.
— Funny bit with Sully, Denise, and Justin’s character immediately changing their orders of alcoholic drinks after their waiter asks for some I.D.
— For the second episode in a row, we get a display of horrible overacting from Seth, this time when he’s angrily telling off the Boston Teens and Justin at the end of this sketch. After recently being surprised to discover what a good first season Seth had, I’ve been finding him increasingly forgettable and try-too-hard-ish with each passing season I’ve reviewed since then.
— Overall, this sketch was pretty much a return to form for the Boston Teens after their subpar last installment with Bernie Mac, but it’s probably a good thing there’s only one Boston Teens sketch remaining during Jimmy’s tenure as a cast member.
STARS: ***


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
host performs “Senorita”


WEEKEND UPDATE
TIF reciprocates privacy invasion of Kobe Bryant’s lawyer Pamela Mackey

— Tina’s Pamela Mackey rant was very hit-and-miss with me.
— Pretty fun bit with Jimmy and Tina sharing dirty Dutch terms with each other.
— Wow, this Update is over already, and with no guest commentaries. A rarity at this point of SNL’s run to have a commentary-less Update.
STARS: ***


THE SHARON OSBOURNE SHOW
shorn Michael Bolton (host) sings

— I usually always like Amy’s Sharon Osbourne impression, but I’m not crazy at all about the idea of her starring in her own talk show sketch, even though I know this sketch is a spoof of an actual talk show that the real Sharon Osbourne hosted at the time.
— Fred’s Quentin Tarantino impression is very funny and spot-on, even if he looks absolutely nothing like him. At this time, it was a huge rarity to see Fred do celebrity impressions. I think the only one he did prior to this was of Uday Hussein, and that was the type of impression that doesn’t require the performer to actually imitate the voice and mannerisms of the person they’re playing.
— Despite a decent performance from Amy, my only laughs here are from the other performers.
— Justin’s doing a very accurate imitation of Michael Bolton’s singing voice.
STARS: **½


THE RAINBOW CONNECTION
host & Kermit’s Muppeteer (WLF) brawl during “Rainbow Connection” duet

— Very good imitation of Kermit’s voice from a not-revealed-yet Will Forte. I remember when this sketch originally aired, I almost did think that was the real voice of Kermit, though the shoddy-looking Kermit puppet made it obvious that it wasn’t.
— The way this Justin/Kermit duet is being played so straight for so long is going to make the eventual comedic reveal that I’m aware of come off that much funnier.
— Aaaaaand there it is. Great comedic turn with Justin getting into a wild fight with Will as Kermit’s puppeteer.
— Speaking of Will, his lack of airtime this season so far is very puzzling. SNL went through the trouble of promoting him after one season, only for him to get literally almost NOTHING to do in the season premiere, and then to have his only appearance in tonight’s episode be this sketch. At least he’s still making the best of his very limited airtime so far this season, as he stole the Telemarketers sketch in the season premiere with only one line, and this Rainbow Connection sketch I’m currently reviewing is famous as an SNL masterpiece.
— Very funny detail of Will wearing suspenders and a tie-dye shirt, which seems believable for a puppeteer.
— Will, as Kermit: “Can you say you’re sorry to Bill for being a douchebag?”
— Perfect ending.
STARS: *****


CARL WEATHERS FOR GOVERNOR
Carl Weathers [real] aims to become third governor from cast of Predator

— Fun guest spot from Carl Weathers, reminding me how much I liked him as a host back in season 13.
— I’m getting some good laughs from Weathers’ various bad movie-related puns, such as his line about how he has the “Apollo Creed-entials” to be governor.
STARS: ***½


BACKSTAGE
AMP comes on to decade-younger host during rehearsal in dressing room

— A funny sudden change in Amy’s tone the second time she asks Justin “Can you imagine that?” after bringing up the possibility of them having sex.
— A great little “Just let me do this” comment from Amy when she’s tightly clinging onto Justin at the end of this.
STARS: ***


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
host performs “Cry Me A River”


THE BARRY GIBB TALK SHOW
California politics & fulsome falsetto

— Ladies and gentlemen, we have a major recurring sketch debut! (I believe this is the first time I’ve ever used that line twice in the same episode review.)
— An extremely fun and memorable opening theme song.
— Jimmy’s speaking voice as Barry Gibb is a riot, as is his no-nonsense, temperamental attitude towards the guests.
— Such a random premise, but it’s coming off very well in its execution, especially with Jimmy’s extremely committed performance. For once, Jimmy’s not even falling victim to his usual case of the giggles (minus some smirking whenever Justin breaks).
— I always like whenever someone on SNL does an impression of a former cast member, and Jeff’s Al Franken is an absolutely perfect imitation.
— I particularly love the “I’ll put you in the ground” part with the Gibb Brothers.
— It’s a damn shame SNL would eventually ruin this overall great one-off sketch by turning it into an unnecessary recurring sketch.
STARS: ****½


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A great episode, with a lot of very strong and memorable sketches, and an unexpectedly (at the time) very impressive hosting debut from Justin Timberlake. I would go on to have some issues with Justin’s subsequent episodes (issues that I’ll get to when covering those episodes), but I have almost nothing but praise for tonight’s episode and this debut hosting stint of Justin’s.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Jack Black)
a big step up


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Halle Berry

Posted on

October 4, 2003 – Jack Black / John Mayer (S29 E1)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

CALIFORNIANS FOR SCHWARZENEGGER
Arnold Schwarzenegger (DAH) gives non-specifics of his five-point program

— Darrell’s Arnold Schwarzenegger impression, which was never all that great to begin with in its prior appearances, has really slipped by this point. The voice is quite a ways off. Unfortunately, this would end up becoming the default version that we would semi-regularly see of Darrell’s Arnold impression.
— His “solution” for jobs is pretty funny.
— Some more decent laughs from his vague, overly simplistic statements about other things he would fix, like education and crime.
— After Darrell says “Live from New York…”, the screen does a hard cut to the (new) opening montage instead of crossfading into the montage. I’m pointing this out because tonight’s episode is the official point where it would become a long-lasting tradition for SNL to transition into the opening montage with a hard cut instead of a crossfade, a tradition that continues to this day in 2020, I believe.
STARS: ***


OPENING MONTAGE
— New montage.

— A very impressive and fun style and visual quality to this opening montage, feeling like a modernized hybrid of the big-budget continuous-shot style of season 10’s opening montage and the first-person perspective of the second opening montage from season 11. The very impressive visual quality of this montage makes sense, given the fact that it was directed by Dave Meyers, director of MTV music videos such as Missy Elliott’s “Work It”, though something unfortunate about this is that it kinda foreshadows how this SNL season in general will be pandering awfully hard to the MTV audience.
— Will Forte, Seth Meyers, and Jeff Richards have all been promoted from featured players to repertory players.
— Finesse Mitchell and Kenan Thompson have been added to the cast tonight.
— After being credited on a regular basis in every opening montage since season 12, the SNL Band receives no credit in this new montage. This lack of an opening montage credit for the SNL Band would unfortunately go on to be a regular thing that continues to this day in 2020, at least in regular SNL episodes. I hear that the special SNL At Home episodes that SNL has been doing lately has credited the SNL Band in the opening montage (no, I haven’t seen those episodes myself yet, as I’ve been on hiatus from watching new SNL episodes ever since December 2018, and I won’t break from that hiatus until I eventually review all of the episodes that I’ve missed during that hiatus), but as far as I’m aware, those SNL At Home episodes don’t count as regular SNL episodes. The SNL Archives page for the first SNL At Home episode (link here) seems to agree with me, as there’s no official episode number listed for it like regular SNL episodes are typically given on that site, plus the fact that on that site’s Season 45 page (link here), SNL At Home is listed under the “Specials” tab instead of the “Episodes” tab. [ADDENDUM: SNL Archives now counts the SNL At Home episodes as regular SNL episodes.] (Not to get even further off-topic in this review, but those SNL At Home episodes kinda throw a wrench into my plans for this SNL project of mine. Right from the start, I had always made it a rule for this SNL project that I will only review regular episodes and no specials, as stated on my home page, and it’s a rule that I sternly refuse to break. If I allow myself to bend the rules and review one or two specials, then to me, my SNL project will always have an incomplete feel, because I would have reviewed one or some of the specials, but not others. However, I’ve seen some online SNL fans make the point that they personally consider the SNL At Home episodes to be part of SNL’s roster of regular episodes, which really confuses me over whether I should review them or not when I arrive at that point of SNL’s timeline. As of now, I’m siding with SNL Archives and not counting SNL At Home as regular episodes. So, at the risk of potentially disappointing some of you readers, the plan right now is for me to not review the SNL At Home episodes, unless someone can make a strong and convincing argument that those officially count as being part of SNL’s roster of regular episodes.) [ADDENDUM: After a strong and convincing argument from various commenters, I’ve decided to review the SNL At Home episodes.]


MONOLOGUE
host says “not this Jack” to ego trip prospect; WIF & Kyle Gass cameos

— New home base stage. I remember how exciting this was at the time, but little did I know just how insanely long this home base stage would last, still being used to this day, 17 years later, which sadly makes me lose all hope that we’re EVER going to see a new home base stage. Given that SNL has kept this home base stage for the exact same period of time that Kenan Thompson has been in the cast, it almost makes one wonder if SNL is waiting for Kenan to leave until they finally change the home base stage.
— Jack Black is doing a great job right out of the gate getting the audience hyped up. His typical energy is perfect for a season premiere monologue.
— An around-the-studio musical number from the host, in the tradition of things like Steve Martin’s Not Gonna Phone It In Tonight cold opening and Mike Myers’ monologue.
— Funny bit with Jack asking the two new cast members “What’s your names?”, then IMMEDIATELY cutting them off with “Like I care!” Amusing to see in retrospect that this is how record-breaking long-tenured cast member Kenan Thompson was introduced on SNL.
— Speaking of Kenan, it feels just as odd as I expected for me to have officially reached the tenure of a cast member who’s currently still on the show today, which makes me realize I’m slowly getting closer and closer to reaching the modern-day era of SNL and completing this SNL project of mine. Then again, it will be 8 seasons until I reach the debut of the second longest-tenured current cast member, Kate McKinnon, and by the time I reach that season, Kate may have already left the current cast.
— Holy hell, a random casual and quick Will Ferrell cameo, getting shoved face-first out of the way by Jack.
— Now the (almost) entire cast is joining Jack’s musical number, interestingly in the exact same spot in SNL’s studio that the entire cast joined Steve Martin in the portion of the aforementioned Not Gonna Phone It In Tonight cold opening where the cast sings the lyrics “We’re gonna learn our lines, do our parts well, then we’ll go back to coasting… etc.”.

— Horatio’s attempt at scatting is very funny.
— Ah, I knew SNL wouldn’t let Will Ferrell’s only appearance in this monologue just be a very quick, barely-noticeable, non-speaking appearance in which he just gets shoved face-first by Jack, though at the same time, it would’ve been absurdly hilarious if SNL did leave that as his only appearance in this monologue.
STARS: ****


HUGGIES THONG
Huggies Thong diapers may not stop leaks, but they sure are fashionable

— Rachel looks like she lost quite a bit of weight over the summer.
— In the past, I’ve always been pretty meh on this commercial (maybe because of the huge overexposure it would get this season, with it being repeated in WAY too many of this season’s episodes), but it’s coming off harmless enough during this current viewing, and I admit it’s a funny premise for a fake ad.
STARS: ***


QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GAL
(TIF) gets lifestyle advice from lesbians

— I see SNL’s wasting no time in immediately spoofing that summer’s hit new reality show, Queer Eye For The Straight Guy.
— Interesting seeing Paula Pell in a co-starring role, even though she has no actual dialogue here.
— A huge laugh from Jack’s lesbian character asking Tina “Where are your dildos?!?”
— The newspaper/magazine reviews shown throughout this aren’t that funny.
— Jack: “We should tear this carpet up.” Tina: “You guys would know about tearing up carpet.” A very funny line on paper, but something about Tina’s delivery of it didn’t quite work for me. The fact that she probably wrote that line herself (which I’m only assuming, as the writing of this sketch in general seems like her style) also gives her delivery of it a self-indulgent feel that I don’t like.
STARS: **½


THE WADE ROBSON PROJECT
awful dancers (MAR), (AMP), (host) flail

— (*sigh*) More early proof that this season of SNL will be pandering hard to the MTV audience. I also don’t like how the first two lead-off sketches of tonight’s season premiere are BOTH reality show parodies.
— Maya reuses the leaning-all-the-way-back-in-a-staccato-manner dance move from the MTV Spring Break sketch she did with Cameron Diaz in season 27.
— Some of the dialogue is falling kinda flat with the audience.
— A good laugh from one part of Amy’s dance sequence, where she mimes giving birth and then throwing the baby away.
— Jack’s performance and dance sequence is hilarious, and is giving this tepid sketch a much-needed boost. I especially love him doing the Russian Cossack dance move.
— The ending bit with Seth’s Wade Robson telling each dancer how bad they are is another portion of this sketch that’s falling flat.
STARS: **


COOKING CLASS
long-haired chef (host) teaches Vasquez, Gabe, Ruth, Pete (CHP) to cook

— Our third and final sketch with this group of student characters (though Horatio’s Vasquez will continue to make other appearances), but the A.J. character played by the no-longer-on-the-show Tracy Morgan has been replaced with a new character named Pete, played by Parnell.
— Another Jack Black character tonight that is so perfect for him that you would think he wrote it himself.
— A pretty good laugh from Jack’s character being unaware that his long curly hair is dipping into the pot of sauce while he’s speaking.
— Fred continues to kill me as his Gabe character.
— Rachel’s constant mentions of her allergies are getting tired.
— The band-aid ending was very funny.
STARS: ***


TV FUNHOUSE
“Yankee Super-Heroes” by RBS- deep pockets empower baseball mercenaries

— Why is Stuart Scott being voiced by Parnell, of all people?
— A good laugh from the photo seen in each Yankee player’s locker.
— I don’t know why, but the voice for Derek Jeter is cracking me up. There’s also a funny gag with him singing a Mariah Carey-esque sonic shriek as a weapon against enemies.
— Some laughs throughout this overall cartoon, though this felt a little on the unmemorable side.
STARS: ***


MUSICAL GUEST INTRO

— Jack mistakenly pronounces John Mayer’s last name as “Myer”, then makes a very funny and genuine “Oops!” face as the camera pans away from him (screencap below).


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Bigger Than My Body”


WEEKEND UPDATE
doped-up Rush Limbaugh (JER) is unapologetic about racial insensitivity

FIM recalls birthday party at Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon screening

Bill Cosby (KET) scuffles with Wanda Sykes (MAR) at Emmy Awards

— This is the second of only two appearances for Jimmy tonight, and the first was a quick non-speaking appearance in the monologue. His airtime is going to be unusually light in the first half of this season, as he’s filming the movie Taxi.
— Jimmy’s brief vocal impression of Arnold Schwarzenegger was very spot-on, putting Darrell’s impression to shame and making one wonder why SNL didn’t cast Jimmy in that role, other than the fact that SNL feels the need to justify Darrell’s unnecessary ninth season in the cast.
— An interesting out-of-the-ordinary set-up to Jeff’s Rush Limbaugh commentary.
— For some reason, it feels a little out of place and dissonant seeing Jeff in this season. Maybe because I now know what’s to come for him mid-season…
— As expected, Jeff’s Rush Limbaugh is yet another spot-on celebrity impression from him.
— A very funny line from Jeff’s Limbaugh about how he regrets the timing of his various controversies, as the possibility of him going to jail just so happens to be right after he pissed off a lot of black guys.
— Wow, a lame photo-based joke (the one about Laura Bush) that feels like a bad throwback to the old days of Update where lame photo-based jokes were a lot more common. (Dennis Miller is especially remembered by some SNL fans today for relying almost entirely on lame photo-based jokes. I disagree with that assessment of Dennis, but that’s another topic.) I think it was the Norm Macdonald era of Update where SNL finally got away from their bad habit of photo-based jokes.
— Giving Finesse Mitchell his own stand-up commentary on Update is a good way to introduce him in his first episode, though it certainly doesn’t make one forget about Tracy Morgan, who’s spot in the cast Finesse was seemingly hired to fill in.
— Kinda lame how Finesse’s commentary is focusing on a movie that came out THREE YEARS prior (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon), especially since Tina set his commentary up as being about the new Denzel Washington movie Out Of Time. Finesse must’ve taken this commentary from an old stand-up routine of his, but couldn’t he have updated it?
— I’m having a hard time enjoying this Starkisha routine that Finesse is doing in his commentary, knowing in retrospect that this whole Starkisha bit would soon be spun-off into an unbearable recurring sketch.
— I really like how Jimmy is doubling down on the Norm Macdonald-esque deadpan, blunt punchlines and delivery that he began honing the preceding season. I know Jimmy is certainly no Norm, but still. And it’s certainly preferable to the mediocrity that Tina’s been dishing out lately at the Update desk.
— The random evil twin bit with Jimmy and Tina made me laugh, just because of how funny Jimmy looked in that fake big mustache.
— Here comes Kenan Thompson in his very first big SNL role, doing the Bill Cosby impression that he used to do back in his All That days on Nickelodeon.
— I am absolutely howling at the way Kenan’s Cosby keeps saying “Get out of m’face.” The fact that Kenan can get this big a laugh out of me in his first episode is impressive.
STARS: ***


CAT’S IN THE CRADLE
while onstage, guitarist (host) broaches childhood issues with dad (HOS)

— This is the very first sketch written by newly-hired SNL writer and future cast member Jason Sudeikis.
— Kenan looks so baby-faced here compared to how he looks today.
— Pretty funny reveal of Jack’s stepmom being Shelley Long, portrayed amusingly by Amy.
— Some funny lines from Horatio, such as him saying Jack’s cat had Lou Gehrig’s Disease, and him justifying his own drunkenness one Halloween by saying he was dressed as Abraham Drinkin’.
— Knowing that Jason Sudeikis wrote this, the constant mentions of the sitcom Cheers make a lot of sense, as Jason is George Wendt’s nephew. (Am I the only one who can see a bit of a facial resemblance between them?)
— Also knowing that Jason Sudeikis wrote this, I can’t help but picture him playing Horatio’s role, and he would’ve been absolutely perfect in it, though Horatio is absolutely fine here in his own right.
STARS: ***


MUSICAL GUEST INTRO

— This time when saying John Mayer’s last name, Jack correctly pronounces it in a comically emphasized manner, as if to say “See, everyone, I got it right this time!”


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Clarity”


WINE TASTING
vintner’s son (SEM) endures spit-take facials from wine expert (host)

— Meh, a sketch centered around spit-takes.
— After not laughing for most of these spit-takes, I finally got one laugh just now, from Jack turning all the way around while spitting out wine just to get it on Seth, after Seth has moved to a different spot.
— As I expected, I’m not caring for this very one-joke sketch, though Jack and Seth are performing this really well.
— Okay, I spoke too soon about Seth giving a strong performance, as he annoyed me just now with his horrible overacting during his delivery of “What about the special bottle?!? You have to try the special bottle!” It’s bad moments like that that make me wonder what SNL was thinking a year later in season 30 when they erroneously think Seth has what it takes to carry the show on his back as the male star of the cast.
STARS: **


TELEMARKETERS
via song, telemarketers romanticize sales method killed by no-call list

— Ugh, Kenan’s bizarrely goofy delivery of the line “The majestic buffalo” was too out-of-place for this sketch, and reminds me of how long it would take for him as an SNL cast member to shake a lot of his weaker habits from his child actor days on Nickelodeon. I also recall how, when tonight’s episode originally aired, some online SNL fans who were unhappy with SNL’s decision to hire a former All That cast member (and some of those SNL fans seemingly STILL haven’t gotten over that today, 17 years later) complained about how awful, distracting, and unnecessary Kenan’s mugging during some of Jack’s lines in this sketch was. Over the course of these next (insert large number here) seasons that I’ll be reviewing, it’s going to be interesting seeing Kenan gradually grow into the mature, solid, and reliable veteran he is today.
— Yet another sketch that Jack is absolutely perfect for.
— Horatio has been all over tonight’s episode.
— On an opposite note from what I just said about Horatio, where the heck has Forte been tonight? SNL went through the trouble of promoting him to a repertory player after only one season, only to give him practically nothing to do in his first episode as a repertory player. That being said, he completely steals this sketch with his one and only line of tonight’s entire episode: a hilarious solo lyric about his cocaine addiction.
— Fun guitar bit Jack is doing while standing on the desk.
— Both the audience and me got a pretty good laugh from Jack’s little “Take it” ad-lib in the middle of his long spiel while he handed his guitar to someone off-camera.
— The ending of this sketch abruptly gets cut off due to the show running long.
STARS: ***½


GOODNIGHTS

— Further proof that this episode is running particularly long, as these goodnights get cut off before Jack even finishes his goodnights speech.

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— Despite an exciting new feel to the season with a brand-new opening montage, new home base and musical guest stages, and even a new visual quality onscreen, this ended up being a somewhat meh season premiere, and not a promising sign for the season. This episode was far from awful, but a lot of it hovered around the fairly unimpressive two-and-a-half/three-star rating range. Barely any sketches stood out. Jack Black was certainly a strong host, though, and gave this episode a boost with his fun and reliable energy.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING SEASON (2002-03)
about the same


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Justin Timberlake makes his hosting debut