Tag: Ashton Kutcher

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February 6, 2010 – Ashton Kutcher / Them Crooked Vultures (S35 E14)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

ON THE RECORD W/ GRETA VAN SUSTEREN
Fox News pundits don’t want Don’t Ask Don’t Tell to end

— I see they’re repeating the EXACT SAME joke from the first installment of this sketch where Fred played a panelist who kept getting ignored and cut off, only Bill is now the one playing the constantly-ignored-and-cut-off panelist. A very lazy choice to repeat that in tonight’s installment.
— Abby’s Attractive Blonde Lady character and her irrelevant points are a good spoof of Fox News’ reputation for hiring certain blonde women as on-air personalities just for eye candy.
— Like last time, I’m enjoying Jason’s Glenn Beck segment, even if I felt this one ended too abruptly.
— They even repeat the joke with Kristen’s Greta Van Susteren switching from talking out of one corner mouth to the other.
STARS: **½


MONOLOGUE
host struggles to remain mature upon seeing a bunch of awesome things

— I like how we’re shown a clip of Ashton Kutcher’s unique monologue entrance from his season 28 hosting stint.
— A decent conceit with Ashton forcing himself to refrain from having an excited reaction when seeing fun, crazy things happening in the studio.
— The whole Stormtrooper/Superman/Mark Twain bit towards the end is solid.
STARS: ***½


GERTRUDE’S WILL
gold-digging pool boy (host) got only venereal disease from an old lady

— The visual of Bobby in that wig and glasses in the initial cutaway to him is making me laugh.
— I got a cheap laugh from Bill’s line about the old lady “dying doing what she loved best: receiving oral sex from you.”
— Funny reveal to Ashton that the old lady had chlamydia.
— I got a big laugh from Ashton explaining he didn’t use protection when having sex with the old lady because “she was 110! What was she gonna do, give birth to a ghost?!?”
— Another funny line from Bill, about how the old lady gave Ashton STDs so old, they have racist names.
STARS: ***½


THE VIEW
Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, the Oscars, Mel Gibson (host) are mooted

— There goes those trademark unfunny formulaic rants from Kristen’s Elisabeth Hasselbeck.
— I liked Kenan-as-Whoopi’s line, regarding Don’t Ask Don’t Tell: “Personally, I don’t have to ask or tell. I just know.”
— Okay, I did get a laugh from Kristen-as-Hasselback’s random “If we don’t get an education…the Chinese win” line.
— Fairly funny story from Nasim’s Barbara Walters about seeing the movie Precious and mistaking it for Avatar.
— What…the…HOLY…FUCK is Ashton going for in his Mel Gibson impression?!? What’s with the gravelly, cracking voice? What is he doing?!?
STARS: **½


CIALIS FOR THREEWAYS
Cialis For Threeways sees to functional & emotional menage a trois needs

— An okay premise.
— Some good lines from the announcer during the various scenes we’re shown.
STARS: ***


SLAVE BOY
in ancient Rome, grape-feeding slave boy (host) preoccupies emperor (WLF)

— Will’s characterization and voice is hilarious.
— A few minutes into this, and Will’s aforementioned characterization and voice are the ONLY things this sketch has going for it. The material itself is doing absolutely nothing for me.
— Ashton’s “grape attack” was kinda funny.
— Weak ending.
STARS: *½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Mind Eraser, No Chaser”


WEEKEND UPDATE
just-awakened teen Liam (ANS) talks about dream instead of federal budget

Eliot Spitzer (BIH) presents greeting cards aimed at troubled marriages

Europe’s financial crisis fuels Jean K. Jean’s stand-up comedy material

Garth & Kat clumsily improvise tracks from their Valentine’s Day album

— The comically brief remembrance of the Democratic supermajority’s accomplishments seems like a precursor to a recurring gag from the modern-day Colin Jost/Michael Che era of Update.
— Whether intentional or not (probably not), Andy’s Liam The Teenager Who Just Woke Up character is a little reminiscent of an obscure one-off Update character Adam Sandler once played called Sleepyhead.
— Andy’s commentary is over already? Boy, that commentary sure was dumb, and not the kind of dumb that Andy is usually good at pulling off. (Then again, I didn’t care for Adam Sandler’s aforementioned Sleepyhead bit either, and, much like Andy, Adam was usually good at pulling off dumb humor.)
— Bill’s Eliot Spitzer impression always cracks me up.
— Speaking of cracking up, halfway through this Spitzer commentary, both Bill and Seth have begun giggling their way through it, continuing Bill’s transition from a Hartman/Aykroyd-level stone-faced performer in his earlier seasons to an almost Fallon/Sanz-level easily-breakable performer in his later seasons.
— The “Swallowzer” card Bill’s Spitzer shows at the end of his commentary made me laugh.
— Very funny line from Kenan’s Jean K. Jean about being so poor that, in place of a bidet, he has to use a squirt gun full of Avian.
— Kenan’s delivery in tonight’s Jean K. Jean commentary seems even more fun than usual.
— I love how Seth segues from an edgy sex offender/child molestation joke to saying a lighthearted “Valentine’s Day is approaching, so…” when turning to the other camera to introduce the next guest commentary.
— FOUR guest commentaries tonight?
— Fuuuuuuuuuuck. It’s Garth and Kat.
— I have nothing new to say about the insufferable, endless, self-indulgent comedy poison that tonight’s Garth and Kat commentary is foisting upon us.
STARS: ***


WHAT IS BURN NOTICE?
game show contestants puzzle over USA Network show

— A fairly interesting idea for a game show sketch.
— Jason is perfect here, especially his shrugging-type gestures and facial expressions when revealing something about the popularity of Burn Notice.
— Something about Kristen’s answers remind me of her answers in a then-recent game show sketch, Reel Quotes from this season’s Charles Barkley episode, though her answers in this one thankfully aren’t as annoying or long-winded.
— Some of the guesses about what Burn Notice is are pretty funny, especially Will’s.
— I like Jason’s unsure reaction when a contestant actually gets a correct answer for once.
— What was with the two different, overlapping “What…is…Burn…Notice!” group title readings at the end?
STARS: ***


ACCESS HOLLYWOOD
not all Best Picture nominees are “best” or “pictures”

— Ashton’s Billy Bush, during his sign-on: “I’m Billy Bush, and I will NOT apologize for that!” Little did SNL know at this time in 2010 that there later would be a valid reason to apologize for being Billy Bush.
— With her Anne Hathaway impression here and her Anna Faris impression earlier this season, Abby has now played two of the three female hosts of the entire season that preceded this. (Yes, that’s right, only THREE women hosted in a 22-episode season. Go figure.) I remember kinda wishing back at this time in 2010 that Abby would eventually complete the trifecta by playing the remaining season 34 female host she hadn’t played yet (Rosario Dawson), so Abby could have bragging rights that she’s the ONLY cast member in SNL history to do an on-air impression of every host of one or both genders from a single season. She would end up never playing Rosario Dawson anytime on SNL, though there was an opportunity in the following season’s Scarlett Johansson episode, in which SNL spoofed the movie Unstoppable. Rosario Dawson’s character in that movie was played by Scarlett in the SNL spoof, and I remember thinking “Aww, man, if Abby played that role, she would’ve completed the trifecta!”
— Meh at the joke with more and more movies being added to the listing-off of Best Picture nominees, and how the movies are getting increasingly off-topic.
— I do love the random mention of Bebe’s Kids, of all things, as one of the Best Picture nominees just now.
— I kinda like the ending gag where the listing-off of Best Picture nominees gets to the bizarre point where it’s now started to list off the same (real-life) nominees that it first listed off at the beginning of this sketch.
— No idea what to think about that intentionally annoying, screechy laugh that Nasim keeps doing. Something about it reminds me a little too much of her Kim Kardashian voice.
STARS: **½


AN EVEN-TEMPERED APOLOGY
Rahm Emanuel’s (ANS) ostensibly even-tempered apology is anything but

— A variation of a cut-after-dress-rehearsal Rahm Emanuel sketch from the preceding season’s Tim McGraw episode. That cut sketch was released by NBC online as an “Online Exclusive” shortly after the McGraw episode’s original airing. It follows the exact same format of tonight’s version of the sketch, only the lines themselves are different, as is the real-life controversial statement Andy’s Rahm Emanuel is apologizing for.
— This sketch is pre-taped, and you can tell by the visual look of the sketch, as well as the fact that Andy doesn’t pause for audience laughter at any point. I’m assuming the reason for this sketch being pre-taped is to avoid any mistimings of the bleeping of Andy-as-Emanuel’s frequent expletives.
— Andy-as-Emanuel’s aforementioned bleep-filled tirades are hilarious, well-written, and absolutely perfectly delivered.
— I absolutely love Andy-as-Emanuel’s threat to Sarah Palin that he will write shit on her Facebook wall so obscene, it’ll make her computer cry.
— Andy’s Rahm Emanuel, in a very deadpan, emotionless manner: “In conclusion: boo f(*bleep*)ing hoo. Get over it.”
STARS: ****½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “New Fang”


CRISIS OF CONFORMITY
at a wedding reception, former punk band (Dave Grohl), (host) & bride’s father (FRA) play hardcore

— Fun use of Dave Grohl.
— A sketch playing perfectly to Fred’s love of and experience with punk rock. Given how horribly, and I mean HORRIBLY, Fred had been doing on SNL lately, it’s such a breath of fresh air to see him doing something that’s actually funny, entertaining, and plays to his strengths.
— I love Kenan’s non-verbal reaction to getting wine glasses kicked out of the tray he’s holding. Bobby also has a funny non-verbal reaction when the same thing happens to him shortly afterwards.
— Nice save from Ashton when Dave Grohl’s microphone isn’t working.
— Tons of great, wild, violent energy all throughout the punk rock performance, especially from Fred. I cannot say enough good things about him in this sketch.
— I love Jason’s excited delivery of “Yeah, you are! Hell yeah!”
— The ending of this sketch kinda seemed like it got cut off, but I can’t tell. It may have been intentional to end like that.
STARS: ****


GOODNIGHTS

— As soon as the screen crossfades from the Ashton Kutcher SNL bumper to the goodnights, a laughing Jason Sudeikis audibly says “So fuckin’ funny!” to someone, then, when realizing he was on the air when he said that, he can be seen putting his hand over his mouth in shock with an embarrassed smile (the first above screencap for these goodnights – Jason’s the one in the blue hoodie right behind Ashton), then he immediately walks out of the shot (somewhat).

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A better episode than I had remembered, though still nothing special as a whole. Extremely average and pretty forgettable, but it did end on a strong note with the final two sketches.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


RATED SEGMENTS RANKED FROM BEST TO WORST
An Even-Tempered Apology
Crisis Of Conformity
Gertrude’s Will
Monologue
What Is Burn Notice?
Weekend Update
Cialis For Threeways
Access Hollywood
On The Record w/ Greta Van Susteren
The View
Slave Boy


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Jon Hamm)
a big step down


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Jennifer Lopez

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April 12, 2008 – Ashton Kutcher / Gnarls Barkley (S33 E10)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

PETRAEUS REPORT ON IRAQ
presidential candidates ask General Petraeus (WLF) self-serving questions

— Interesting and unusual casting of Andy as Carl Levin.
— Ha, until now, I had forgotten all about Bill’s hilarious Robert Byrd impression, which makes its debut here.
— I see Bill’s taking a page out of Fred’s playbook by doing the “wandering aimlessly in front of the camera and blocking the person who’s speaking” gag.
— Boy, in the tradition of many of this era’s Jim Downey-written C-SPAN cold openings utilizing a lot of cast members, this is going on WAY too long. Unlike some of Downey’s other overlong cold openings from this era, this one actually has a good number of decently funny lines, but there’s still some SERIOUS trimming that needs to be done to this cold opening. The length is very unnecessary, and is somewhat hurting this for me.
— The funny part with Will’s Petraeus calling out Amy’s Hillary Clinton on her lie about being the inspiration for the song “My Sharona” is made even funnier by it being accompanied by a cutaway to the real Hillary Clinton book with Amy superimposed on the cover.
STARS: **½


MONOLOGUE
busybody host demonstrates his producer skills with cast members backstage

— I’m always a sucker for this type of backstage monologue.
— When Ashton Kutcher tells Will “I love that Falcon guy that you play” (a line made even funnier when you remember Ashton actually appeared in one of those Falconer sketches before), I love Will desperately responding “Oh, will you tell Lorne that?!?”
— The whole bit with Andy trying to get some weed from Kenan is not only very funny, but actually appears to be a dig at a real-life incident that had happened with Kenan just a few weeks prior to this episode, where he got pulled over by a cop and was nearly arrested for possession of marijuana in his car, but saved himself with an explanation to the cop (I think Kenan lied about it being his friend’s weed, or something like that). This leads me to ask this rather odd question: has any cast member in SNL history ever gotten arrested during their SNL tenure? I guess the obvious answer is no, because I’d probably know about something big like that if it ever happened. It is kinda funny and bizarre to think that Kenan freakin’ Thompson, of all people, almost became the very first cast member in SNL history to get arrested during their SNL tenure.
STARS: ***½


THE COUGAR DEN
(AMP), (KRW), (CAW), (Cameron Diaz) prefer younger men

— The debut of a recurring sketch that I’ve often forgotten about in recent years.
— Nice opening title graphic.
— A good use of the female cast.
— Kristen’s blowjoy/“Well, it’s certainly not a job” line was hilarious.
— I remember being very surprised by Cameron Diaz’s random cameo when this sketch originally aired.
— Fun performance from Cameron here.
— Another great line from the three main ladies, this time Amy’s line about her telling young men “It’s not gonna be as gross as you think” when she’s about to have sex with them.
— Kenan always kills in roles like this.
— Ashton’s “Their ex-husbands have been pretty cool so far” line was a funny self-reference in regards to how close he famously was with Bruce Willis during his marriage to Demi Moore.
STARS: ***½


WAITING WITH OLIVER
upset by un-diverse That ’70s Show, club doorman (KET) denies host entry

— Fred attempts a new character…….aaaaaand it’s a flop, continuing Fred’s disheartening hit-and-miss season. (I almost want to argue he’s sadly had more misses than hits this season, but I’m not sure how accurate that would be without looking back at all of his performances this season. I think his misses just stand out to me more because, for the longest time, I used to deem this to be a good season for him.)
— I love the ridiculous two-men-in-one-coat bit with Andy.
— This is becoming a fun ensemble piece with almost everybody in the cast each getting a funny walk-on character, one-by-one.
— Of the extras playing the various old guys Jason brings to the club, one of them appears to be the same actor who starred in the “Grandkids In The Movies” Digital Short from this season’s Tina Fey episode.
— I love Amy’s “Eat shoe, bitch!” bit.
— Ha, a brief Lyle Kane walk-on from Will! This ends up being the final appearance of this short-lived but hilarious recurring character.
— Strong ending regarding the non-existent black guy on That 70s Show.
STARS: ****


DAIQUIRI GIRL
absence of musical guest leads to awful “Daiquiri Girl” music video

— The hell? Even for Lonely Island standards, this Digital Short so far is just…WTF?
— Now we’re getting a text crawl from Lonely Island admitting they’re aware this short is not up to par, then explaining that they were supposed to film a Digital Short with tonight’s musical guest, Gnarls Barkley, who ended up standing Lonely Island up at the last minute (is this true?), which resulted in Lonely Island filming this low-budget, half-assed, intentionally bad music video.
— Overall, wow. Not quite sure how to react to this short. I guess, thinking back on it, I got enough chuckles while watching this, between the intentionally bad music video and the self-deprecating disclaimer. Lonely Island’s probably one of the few people who can make something awful like this work…somewhat.
STARS: ***


ACTIVIA COMMERCIAL SHOOT
Jamie Lee Curtis (KRW) overeats Activia yogurt during commercial shoot

— Much like the Surprise Sue sketch in the preceding episode, this is another Kristen Wiig sketch that got a lot of acclaim and online buzz back when this originally aired, while I myself had a very mixed, rather lukewarm reaction to it. Stuff like this and the first Surprise Sue sketch made me feel like I was slowly starting to drift apart from what was considered popular among SNL fans at this time, and made me also feel like I was slowly starting to drift apart from what I liked so much about Kristen as a performer (my drifting-apart from the latter would sadly continue even further the following season, when Kristen’s SNL trajectory starts REALLY going downhill and SNL’s over-utilization of her starts becoming detrimental to her female castmates’ airtime). We’ll see how I’ll feel about this sketch now.
— Funny story from Kristen’s Jamie Lee Curtis regarding taking her top off for a magazine shoot.
— Kristen’s performance is certainly strong here (she’s making me laugh far more here than she did in the preceding episode’s Surprise Sue sketch), but I’m iffy on the main comedic conceit of this sketch.
— Didn’t care for the ending. I’m not 100% sure, but I think this sketch would later be replaced with the dress rehearsal version in reruns, in which the ending was a bit different and came off better.
STARS: **½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Run (I’m A Natural Disaster)”


WEEKEND UPDATE
nervous Judy Grimes (KRW) repeatedly negates herself with “just kidding”

Nicholas Fehn’s false starts don’t add up to brilliant insights

— For the second consecutive episode, Kristen debuts one of her most remembered recurring characters, Judy Grimes, a.k.a. the “Just Kidding” lady. And for the THIRD time in these last two episodes alone, we get a Kristen Wiig performance that garnered a lot of internet buzz and acclaim from SNL fans back at this time. We’ve definitely reached the point of Kristen’s SNL tenure where she’s become the media darling of the then-current SNL cast.
— A funny and VERY impressive increasingly rapid-fire, almost-inhuman delivery from Kristen. I remember how much this stunned me back when this episode originally aired.
— I wonder what the cue cards for Kristen’s Judy Grimes commentaries look like. Is her long-winded, fast-paced dialogue squeezed in a very compact manner onto just two or three cue cards, or does SNL use A LOT of cue cards to cover all of Judy Grimes’ dialogue?
— Speaking of cue cards, we get YET ANOTHER Nicholas Fehn appearance, and it’s been said that SNL supposedly never uses cue cards for this character’s commentaries, because his commentaries are supposedly improvised. I have no trouble believing that. Between the Judy Grimes commentary and now this, tonight’s Weekend Update must be an unusual, interesting night for the cue card guy. If he indeed had to display a whole bunch of cue cards for the Judy Grimes commentary, then I’m sure he’s appreciating the breather he gets during the supposedly-cue-card-less Nicholas Fehn commentary.
— Just as I was afraid of, fatigue and diminishing returns are starting to fully set in for me towards Nicholas Fehn in this third appearance of his. While I’m still getting an occasional laugh here, I’m not finding myself laughing anywhere near as much at this same routine that had me practically in stitches in Fehn’s first two appearances.
STARS: ***


SONG MEMORIES
“Amie” evokes odious recollections in (host) & other icky reminiscers

— Meh, I saw the coma patient punchline of Jason’s story coming (though I thought the punchline would be that his girlfriend is dead, not in a coma, but it’s close enough). Jason’s meh punchline was somewhat salvaged by his hilarious addendum during the chorus-singing: “Man, oh, man, I love bein’ a doctor.”
— Hmm, for once, the song playing in one of these Song Memories sketch doesn’t remind Bill’s character of “muh dad”. Instead, his story this time is about Connie Chung.
— Will’s “Pedophile? That’s a pretty big word for a 10-year-old” punchline, while hilarious, is a famous oldie that’s been around LONG before this sketch, and I remember being bugged back at this time in 2008 that so many online SNL fans were giving SNL so much credit and high praise for such a clever punchline that the writer of this sketch seemingly just took from an old Dirty Jokes book.
— Wow, Ashton’s story is just plain weak.
— Even the twist ending that these Song Memories sketches always contain fell flat for me this time.
— Overall, this was sadly and surprisingly subpar for a Song Memories sketch.
STARS: **


DEATH BY CHOCOLATE
a large candy bar (host) knifes a homeless man

— Wow. This overall pre-taped piece was so brief, random, and dark, but I absolutely LOVED it, and the “Death By Chocolate” reveal at the end was perfect. I’m looking forward to the next two parts of this runner.
STARS: ****½


THE MELLOW SHOW
Jack Johnson (ANS), Dave Matthews (BIH), John Mayer (host) keep it mellow

— The return of Andy’s Jack Johnson impression, which was one of the first big roles Andy ever got on SNL when his impression last appeared in that JJ Casuals commercial from season 31. Interesting seeing his impression placed in a new setting this time. Unfortunately, it’s the tired talk show setting.
— Funny and spot-on Dave Matthews impression from Bill.
— I like the walk-on from Kenan as a violin-playing Boyd Tinsley during Bill-as-Dave-Matthews’ short musical number.
— Ashton’s John Mayer is pretty much a non-impression.
— Well, at least Ashton is now imitating John Mayer’s trademark facial expressions while playing the guitar.
— Ha, Andy’s Jack Johnson actually mentions the JJ Casuals commercial as the sponsor of this talk show. I love this continuity nod on SNL’s part.
STARS: ***


DEATH BY CHOCOLATE
a large candy bar offs a doctor (JAS) & his patient

— Wow, you gotta love Ashton’s character’s delightfully sadistic and elaborate actions here: shooting an innocent doctor (excellent reaction from Jason to getting shot, by the way), planting the gun in a comatose hospital patient’s hand, then VIOLENTLY yanking out the patient’s life support tubes and wires.
— I recall hearing these Death By Chocolate shorts were directed by movie director Jason Reitman, which I guess explains why they feel so different and refreshing for SNL.
— Overall, even better than the first one. Absolutely perfect, and caters 100% to my kind of dark humor.
STARS: *****


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Who’s Gonna Save My Soul”


THE RUSTY PONY
with (host)’s help, paralyzed stripper Dusty Velvet (CAW) does her act

— Casey Wilson’s biggest and most remembered showcase of her short-lived SNL tenure. This is also a comedy routine she had done prior to SNL. There is (or used to be) an online video of her pre-SNL version of this sketch.
— An un-PC but strong and daring concept for a sketch, and Casey is executing it perfectly.
— My only mild complaint about this great sketch is that it’s relying a little too heavily on the cutaways to the straight man characters having a frozen look of shock on their face in reaction to what they’re witnessing, a habit SNL relies on way too heavily in this era, as I mentioned in some earlier reviews.
— I love Andy’s absolutely horrified reaction when Casey licks his face.
— Solid ending.
— When this sketch originally aired, I remember thinking it was Casey’s official breakout moment that would lead to her getting more airtime and having a successful SNL tenure. Sadly, fate would have a completely different outcome for Casey’s SNL tenure, and this sketch, instead of now being considered a “An SNL star is born” piece, is now wistfully looked back on as an example of what might’ve been.
STARS: ****½


DEATH BY CHOCOLATE
a large candy bar attacks ANS with a chainsaw

— A very short and simple but solid and effective conclusion to the Death By Chocolate runner, even if nothing will ever top the second installment. I also liked how this third installment was SNL-related, with it taking place backstage.
STARS: ****½


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A good episode that contained some VERY high highs, mainly in the post-Weekend Update half. The dark, brilliant Death By Chocolate shorts in particular were a strong highlight, and were easily the best SNL has ever utilized four-timer Ashton Kutcher.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Christopher Walken)
a very slight step down


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Shia LaBeouf

Posted on

March 19, 2005 – Ashton Kutcher / Gwen Stefani (S30 E15)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

HARDBALL WITH CHRIS MATTHEWS
Jose Canseco (HOS) & Mark McGwire (ROR) on steroids in baseball

— Funny look on Rob as Mark McGwire.
— Some good laughs from Rob’s McGwire trying to work around answering Darrell-as-Chris-Matthews’ steroid questions by always claiming Matthews asked his questions in the past, and thus, he doesn’t have to answer it.
— I like Kenan’s Sammy Sosa suddenly dropping his fake accent when he thinks he’s off-camera.
— The bits with Horatio’s Jose Canseco are falling incresingly flat.
— Will’s Zell Miller!
— As always, reliably priceless insane shouting from Will’s Miller here, though his dialogue kinda fizzled out towards the end, and he didn’t seem to get anywhere near as purple-faced during his yelling this time (the last above screencap for this cold opening).
STARS: ***


MONOLOGUE
host & old-woman girlfriend Demi Moore [real] pooh-pooh age differential

— A monologue that I recall being memorable and very popular back when this originally aired.
— The huge exaggeration of the age difference between Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore is a premise that I like, and it’s being executed well. I particularly like the way Demi is playing this.
STARS: ***½


ME-HARMONY.COM
Rerun from 2/12/05


OPRAH
John Travolta (DAH) & Julia Roberts (host) bump victim (RAD)

— Amy’s dramatics from the audience are pretty funny so far.
— This appears to be using the same premise as that awful Wake Up San Diego sketch from earlier this season, in which the guest of a talk show is someone who’s house recently burned down (Kenan) and they’re about to be given a gift from the show’s host, which the guest expects to be a new house, only for it to end up being some superficial gift that the guest is disappointed by.
— OH, NO. Not the return of Darrell’s terrible and baffling John Travolta impression.
— Ashton in drag as Julia Roberts? Blah. I do remember someone back at this time in 2005 pointing out how when Ashton entered this sketch as Julia Roberts, he looked eerily like then-recent SNL host Hilary Swank. I can see that.
— Boy, am I not caring for this sketch AT ALL. Not even the reliable Rachel Dratch can save this.
— The over-the-top reactions from Amy in the audience are now starting to come off as a very inferior version of the famous Oprah’s Favorite Things sketch from the preceding season’s Megan Mullally episode.
STARS: *


PUSH-UP CONTEST
(host)’s scheme to instigate an office push-up contest backfires on him

— Hoo, boy. I recall this being a sketch that I hated back when it originally aired, but quite a number of other online SNL fans seemed to really like this sketch. Let’s see how I feel about it now, 15 years later.
— Ugh, I’m already starting to see one of the reasons why I hated this sketch back when it originally aired: Ashton’s delivery throughout this sketch is FUCKING ANNOYING.
— Did they screw up the timing of the clock cutaway when Rachel was about to start her push-ups? They seemed to cut to the clock too early, then briefly cut back to Rachel, who actually hadn’t yet started her push-ups, only to then cut back to the same shot of the clock.
— Yeah, I’m not caring for the structure of this sketch at all, nor the execution of it. This feels boringly repetitive to me, and you get the point of it early on.
— Okay, I did get a laugh from how Ashton’s desperate claim about how they need to get back to work is immediately followed by Chris saying “Don’t worry about it. I’m your supervisor, we’ve got time.”
— The paddleball ending fell flat.
— Overall, it turns out my opinion of this sketch hasn’t changed at all, and I continue to be baffled over why this sketch was so well-liked by SNL fans back in the day (is it still well-liked today?).
STARS: *½


FEDERLINE
Kevin Federline (host) models his line of underwear in bed

— A pretty funny portrayal of that tool Kevin Federline.
— Well-shot commercial.
STARS: ***½


GAYS IN SPACE
crashed ship leads to encounter with studly (SEM) & (ROR)

— OHHH, GOD.
— (*groan*) And there goes season 30’s obligatory weekly instance of Maya singing.
— Overall, nothing to really say about what I just watched. Same deal as the previous time this sketch appeared, where I didn’t get so much as a mere chuckle at this marathon of unfunny gay stereotypes.
STARS: *


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest & Eve [real] perform “Rich Girl”


WEEKEND UPDATE
consumer advocate Henry Payne (KET) settles a complaint with violence

CHP’s ostensible Demi Moore rap veers into his attraction to host

— Ugh, after thankfully moving away from their newfound Daily Show-esque habit of replying to a news clip, the Fey/Poehler era of Update unfortunately reprises it tonight, with an unfunny bit involving Tina and Amy responding to various clips of Robert Blake’s post-acquittal speech. Hell, the actual Robert Blake clips are funnier than any of Tina or Amy’s lame responses to them.
— Hmm, Kenan’s commentary seems like it will be an interesting change of pace for Update, as it had an out-of-the-ordinary set-up.
— Interesting use of Ashton here.
— Meh, Kenan’s segment ended up being nothing great. This seemed like it was going to be much better.
— Yeesh, a lot of particularly weak jokes from Tina and Amy tonight, even weaker than usual. Even the audience’s reactions to some of these jokes are tepid.
— Looks like we’re in for another Chris Parnell Update rap. Not sure whether to look forward to this, after how underwhelming Chris’ last Update rap was, from the Jennifer Garner episode in season 28.
— Very mixed feelings on this rap that Chris is doing right now. Part of me appreciates the change of pace with Chris actually rapping about a man this time, and how over the top he’s going with it in his lyrics, but another part of me just finds this to be YET ANOTHER example of season 30 focusing way too heavily on hacky gay/homoerotic humor for cheap laughs. And do we need A BAZILLION reminders throughout this song that Chris is a heterosexual man (though I know that’s the point)? Oh, and I still say Chris’ best raps are his faster-tempo, more hardcore ones, rather than the slower-tempo, more R&B ones like tonight’s and the Jennifer Garner one.
— Yeah, the more and more Chris’ Ashton Kutcher rap goes on, the more and more I feel this is DEFINITELY not working for me.
— And to make me dislike Chris’ rap even more, we now get the added “humor” of Tina and Amy acting as backup singers/dancers during Chris’ rap.
STARS: *½


CHURCH
at a black church, staid white guest preacher (host) gets into the spirit

— Ugh. There goes Maya using that always-annoying “phlegmy-throated old black lady” voice. I’m telling you guys, Maya has been increasingly getting on my nerves these past few episodes.
— I really like Finesse’s performance here.
— A good use of Ashton’s typical energy, which is coming off enjoyable and welcome in this particular sketch.
— The gag with Ashton jumping out the window was ruined by a technical gaffe in which the camera stayed on the wrong shot by accident.
— After a good first half, this overall sketch started fizzling out a little towards the end, and something about the sketch left me feeling a little wanting.
STARS: **½


ACTION 13 NEWS
fight between anchor (host) & weatherman (SEM) derails local newscast

— I remember someone on an SNL message board back at this time in 2005 complaining that Ashton’s voice in this sketch was so obviously an imitation of Will Ferrell’s voice from the movie Anchorman, which came out the year prior. I kinda see some vocal similarities, but I’m not gonna say anything further.
— Oh, I like this premise with Seth as a bitter, unprofessional weatherman giving zero fucks and just saying whatever the hell he wants.
— Funny cutaway to a speechless Horatio with a sour facial expression immediately after a comment from Amy complaining to Seth about his unromantic choice in the past to take her on a date to Applebees.
— A great frightened little yelp from Seth when Ashton starts to come running for him.
— The portion of this sketch with Ashton chasing Seth around the studio during a newscast is a riot.
— A great sudden tackle of Seth from Ashton diving into the shot out of nowhere.
— An overall fun and solid sketch that’s probably forgotten by most SNL fans nowadays.
STARS: ****


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Hollaback Girl”


NEBULZITOL
(AMP) uses Nebulzitol to cure her husband (WLF) of March Madness

— As I mentioned in my review of the Delta Burke episode from season 16, the Balz-Off commercial from that episode would later be ripped-off in the Ashton Kutcher episode I’m currently reviewing. This Nebulzitol sketch is the rip-off in question. As I also implied in my afore-linked review of the Balz-Off commercial, there’s a certain writer who I have a feeling is the culprit of this possible plagiarism, given what I mentioned about there being multiple instances of this certain writer getting publicly accused of plagiarism for some other sketches he wrote. As you may have already guessed after my review of the Self-Involved Guy sketch from the Adrien Brody episode, the writer in question is James Anderson. However, given how I almost always seem to get proven wrong in the comments section whenever I assume James Anderson wrote a sketch, I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m wrong once again here.
— Yeah, the structure of this sketch is way too similar to Balz-Off to NOT be a direct rip-off. And some aspects of this sketch do have a rather James Anderson vibe to it (particularly the bit about The View).
— Overall, even if this sketch wasn’t a direct rip-off (but I still say it is), this sketch felt VERY inferior to the original Balz-Off. I wonder how I’d feel about this sketch if I had no knowledge of Balz-Off and assumed this was an original idea.
STARS: *½


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A typical bad season 30 episode. Aside from a few things (only one of which stands out as particularly great to me: the Action 13 News sketch), this overall episode had a very forgettable feel. And there were quite a number of things that I strongly disliked.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (David Spade)
a big step down


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Cameron Diaz

Posted on

May 3, 2003 – Ashton Kutcher / 50 Cent (S28 E18)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN
George W. Bush (CHP) polls returning sailors on future military action

— Oh, god, yet another cold opening from the second half of this season that’s a dull, straight-to-camera Bush speech.
— Is this spoofing the Bush “Mission accomplished” speech that would soon go on to be very infamous?
— They sure are waiting a long time to reveal whatever the comedic conceit of this cold opening is supposed to be. I’m almost two minutes into this, and there has not been a single joke yet.
— Okay, now we see what the conceit is: the sailors’ applause throughout Bush’s speech changing back and forth from exuberant to mild, depending on what Bush says. Meh, a nothing-special premise that SNL has already done at least once before (in a very weak and rarely-seen Soviet Central Committee sketch from the Quincy Jones episode in season 15).
— Okay, I did get a laugh from “Those who applauded for North Korea, please give yourselves a round of applause.”
— Bah, just end this cold opening already. It’s going on forever for something with a dull one-joke premise.
— When Parnell delivers “Live from New York…” at the end, the camera doesn’t zoom in on him, for some odd reason. Also odd is the fact that immediately afterwards, when the opening montage begins, the SNL Band is completely silent for the first few seconds before finally starting to play the theme music. What’s going on?
— This ends up being the final appearance of Parnell’s Bush impression. SNL would take the impression away from him the following season and re-cast the role. While Parnell’s impression was no great shakes (it was merely serviceable at best, as I said in an earlier episode review), the material he was given didn’t help, as it failed him more often than not, including tonight.
STARS: *½


MONOLOGUE
having forgotten to wear his pants, host attracts attention of MAR & CHP

— A unique monologue entrance for a host, with Ashton entering in his underwear.
— A good use of inner thoughts to reveal that Ashton has no idea he’s not wearing pants, but suspects he forgot something.
— SNL makes yet another gay reference towards Kattan.
— The homoerotic stuff with Parnell is whatever, but I did laugh at the “Knock yourself out, man” “I just might” exchange between Ashton and Parnell, after Parnell requests to watch this monologue from a dark corner.
STARS: ***½


COUNT CHOCULA SILVER
elderly Count Chocula (JIF) promotes cereal for seniors

— Great make-up job on Jimmy as Count Chocula. I remember when this originally aired, a lot of online SNL fans had a hard time telling it was Jimmy who was playing Count Chocula. Some people even wondered if it was Fred. Revisiting this commercial now, the voice alone is a dead giveaway that it’s Jimmy.
— An odd and random premise.
— Where are the laughs in this? If this is supposed to be funny merely because it’s Count Chocula, of all people, doing a dead-serious commercial about cereal for senior citizens, then I get the comedic potential of that, but it’s not coming through in the execution. This is just dull.
— I finally got one laugh, with Will’s cheesy facial expression when mouthing the words “You’re fine.” As I said a few episode reviews ago, Will has the ability to steal a segment even in a small, bland role.
STARS: *½


JARRET’S ROOM
fan from Iceland (host) tries weed from Amsterdam

— At least they waited a few months to do this sketch again, after the last three installments of this sketch all appeared within a stretch of SIX DAMN EPISODES.
— Ashton playing an Icelandic character named Yaorg, Jarret’s Room’s only viewer, is actually a callback to the very first Jarret’s Room installment, where it was mentioned that a guy in Iceland named Yaorg is the only person who ever watches Jarret’s Room. Nice continuity.
— Man, between Jimmy, Horatio, and Ashton, this sketch is out of control, with a lot of way-too-over-the-top performances. Can’t say it’s making me laugh much.
— Overall, blah. This sketch was just a whole bunch of over-the-top screaming, mugging, and typical Fallon/Sanz giggling, with no actual substance. Even the bits with Seth and Jeff’s side characters fell pretty flat with me.
STARS: **


MADONNA: AN AMERICAN LIFE
Matt Lauer (SEM) looks back on aging Madonna’s (AMP) career

— Funny passive-aggressive opening lines from Seth’s Matt Lauer, regarding being able to handle a show without Katie Couric as his co-host.
— Not many laughs during the Madonna interview so far.
— Okay, I got a laugh just now from Amy’s Madonna defending Swept Away by saying it was “the type of movie that was not supposed to be good.”
— Seth’s Lauer had a good closing line about Madonna: “80 years old, with a vagina closing in on 100.”
STARS: **


PLAGIARISM CLASS
teacher (CHP) busts students who got their term papers from the Internet

— Parnell is absolutely perfect here as a teacher calling out individual students on their moronic plagiarism.
— A good laugh from Ashton’s email that he foolishly turned in as his report.
— The whole phone call bit is hilarious.
— An overall great sketch and it also did a wonderful job of showing off Parnell’s underrated and underutilized leadership skills. Sketches like this solidify the fact that Parnell definitely has some Phil Hartman in him.
STARS: ****


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest & G Unit [real] perform “In Da Club”


WEEKEND UPDATE
Liza Minnelli (MAR) is excited about David Gest’s (CHK) birthday party

TRM eats birthday cake meant for Saddam Hussein, states booty preference

Patrick & Gunther Kelly promote knowledge of SARS prevention with a song

— Boy, Jimmy and Tina sped through their opening sign-on.
— Oh, god, another freakin’ Liza Minnelli/David Gest commentary. I didn’t like the last one they did on Update earlier this season.
— Yeah, so far, no laughs from me at all during this Minnelli/Gest commentary. This is just plain bad writing, and Maya and Kattan’s performances are doing nothing for me. And this commentary is over-relying on the kissing gag.
— I was about to say Tracy’s brief walk-on was just whatever, but his little addendum about his love of thick booties made me laugh, even if it was a lazy joke.
— Finally, an actual GOOD commentary tonight, with us getting the return of Will and Fred’s Kelly Brothers characters.
— Even though the payoff of this Kelly Brothers commentary is the exact same as their first appearance (except for the fact that their nonsensical song has actual lyrics this time), it’s still worthy of good laughs, and Will’s falsetto in these is always killer.
— Tonight’s weekly end-of-Update walk-on from SNL writer Eric Slovin has him dressed as a giant pencil and taking Jimmy’s pencil away as if it’s his own baby.
— A lot of fairly bland, forgettable jokes from Jimmy and Tina in tonight’s overall Update. At least Tina managed to go through her first Update in a while without outright annoying me at any point, though she came a little close with her ad-lib after her awful Tommy Lee/“She had it up to here” joke.
STARS: **


THE FALCONER
animal companions of The Falconer & The Muskrateer (host) do battle

— Awesome to see two big Forte showcases in a row tonight.
— Ashton’s character having his own Falconer-type opening title sequence is pretty funny.
— Ha, I love how they showed The Falconer’s title sequence for a second time in tonight’s installment, with the second instance being a very sped-up version with announcer Steve Higgins speaking comically fast.
— A great insane shouting from Will of the line “LET THE GAAAAMES BEGIIIIIN!”
— I like how tonight’s Falconer installment is focusing more on the Falconer himself than usual. Usually, he only appears at the beginning and end of these sketches.
— Great montage of Donald the Falcon and Ashton’s muskrat competing against each other in various games. The part with them playing Quarters is particularly funny.
STARS: ****½


NO PUNKING
host tries to convince TRM, DEE, LOM that they won’t be Punk’d

— Ah, another post-sketch Tracy-chatting-with-the-host bit, though the last one with Sarah Michelle Gellar earlier this season was fairly underwhelming.
— Ashton apologizes to Tracy for a sketch of his titled Dude Where’s My Weed getting cut after dress rehearsal (which is just a joke for this sketch), and a carefree Tracy tells him he’ll do it in next week’s episode, as it’s perfect for… um, the next host, who Tracy mentions by name, but I’ll wait until the end of this episode review to reveal who it is, because this certain host, uh… deserves a special mention, let’s just say. (You’ll see why.) Anyway, at dress rehearsal, Ashton’s line about Tracy’s cut sketch had the title being Big Dick Black Guy instead of Dude Where’s My Weed. It’s needless to say why SNL had to change that title for the live show.
— Something funny in retrospect about the premise of this sketch, with Ashton trying to assure Tracy that he would never prank him as part of his Punk’d show, is the fact that Ashton really does end up doing a Punk’d episode where he pranks Tracy, just a few months after tonight’s episode originally aired, IIRC.
— For obvious reasons, I keep forgetting Dean is even still in the cast. That being said, it’s good to see him getting airtime as himself here, which is very rare. I believe this ends up being the final semi-big role he would end up ever getting on SNL, as we’re in the homestretch of his short-lived SNL tenure.
— This, I believe, ends up being our final onscreen display of the excellent running chemistry between Tracy and Lorne (not counting any instances in any of Tracy’s future hosting stints), as Tracy is another cast member who’s tenure we’re in the homestretch of.
— A nice variation of the obligatory “Get me a soda, bitch!” routine, with Lorne not even needing to be told it this time, as Tracy’s mere facial expression causes Lorne to respond “That’s an orange soda, right? Okay, be right back.”
— I like the stern staredown Tracy and Dean both give Lorne when Lorne comes back to ask them to clear up confusion he has over the drinks they requested.
STARS: ***½


POLITICS TODAY
high school dropouts ignorantly address issues of the day

— We get the return of Darrell’s Skeeter character from the Extreme Hunting With Ted Nugent sketch from all the way back in season 24. Darrell has played some unnamed redneck characters between that Extreme Hunting sketch and tonight’s episode who might’ve also been Skeeter.
— I love Tracy’s smug facial expression when silently pausing for a while after telling Fred “I didn’t understand most of the words in your question, so I’m just gonna start talking.”
— As a 90s kid, the cutaway to Ashton being seen playing with an old-school Game Boy serves as a nice blast of nostalgia for me.
— After a pretty good amount of laughs in the first half, this sketch has been starting to feel kinda bland and a lot of the dialogue is kinda washing over me. Darrell’s Skeeter is at least reliable for occasional laughs here, as there’s a “so bad, it’s good” quality to this character’s stupid one-liners. However, it feels kinda sad seeing Darrell relegated to doing THIS as his only appearance of the night. Why couldn’t he take the various hints he’s been getting lately that it’s clearly time for him to leave SNL?
— Further proving my points that 1) it’s time for Darrell to leave, and 2) his heart just hasn’t been into SNL lately, he can be seen dropping character and IMMEDIATELY walking off the set before the camera has even cut to this sketch’s closing title sequence. Not a big deal, but he’s been doing this quite a bit lately at the end of sketches. Who does he think he is – Norm Macdonald?
STARS: **½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest & Nate Dogg [real] perform “21 Questions”


50’S ENT.
death row inmates boo doo-wop group ’50s Ent. (JIF), (FRA), (host), (CHK)

— Great to see yet another big role for Will tonight.
— Wow, is this Kattan’s first appearance all night?!? It sure feels like it. An obvious sign that we’re witnessing the end of Kattan’s tenure (though he’s been having a surprisingly good second half of this final season of his). With Kattan being almost non-existent tonight and Fred being much more prominent than usual, it feels like there’s a passing of the torch. (You could probably also make that same statement with Will in place of Fred.)
— Oh, wait, I just remembered that Kattan was in that Liza Minnelli/David Gest commentary on Weekend Update earlier tonight. I was probably trying to erase that from my memory, given how much I hated it.
— Pretty funny how after Will introduces 50 Cent, out comes a corny, white, 1950s throwback doo-wop group.
— I absolutely LOVE Will’s constant southern-accented yelling of “Shut the eff up!” when the prisoners are booing the doo-wop group’s musical number.
— I cracked up at Tracy’s (who’s been all over the second half of tonight’s episode) mere delivery of “Man, you ain’t no 50 Cent!”
— Funny reveal of the doo-wop group being named 50’s Ent. (short for 50’s Entertainment), which explains the 50 Cent mix-up.
— A huge gaffe has happened just now, where the off-camera SNL Band has accidentally begun playing the wrong background music for a song that 50’s Ent. is about to sing. As this incorrect background music is playing, the cast members playing members of 50’s Ent. look at each other confusedly, then some of them (Jimmy and Fred) start hesitantly singing in a very awkward, hushed manner while stifling laughter, before the SNL Band begins playing the correct background music.
— Ha, during 50’s Ent.’s singing right now, Will makes a great ad-lib in response to the aforementioned background music gaffe, by yelling at the booing prisoners “So they made a little mistake! You give them some respect!” Very quick thinking on his feet there.
— Why does Kattan keep hitting Fred throughout this sketch every time Fred says something? I don’t understand that. I guess in a way, though, that’s another odd, subtle passing of the torch between Kattan and Fred.
— Speaking of Kattan, he has not said a single word during this entire sketch. Yep, the man’s time on SNL is so clearly coming to a close.
— After being slapped on the face by Kattan just now, Fred pauses awkwardly, then helplessly starts laughing out of character and tries to hide it from the camera by turning away and standing close to Jimmy (who begins cracking up himself, naturally). A very rare instance of Fred breaking during his early years on SNL. (Remember how he’s the ONLY performer not to laugh out of all the performers sitting at the table in the legendary first Debbie Downer sketch from the following year?) I wonder if Fred laughed here because he was letting out a bit of anxiety over how the aforementioned background music gaffe from the SNL Band threw off the sketch.
— We get yet another good ad-lib about the aforementioned background music gaffe, this time with Jimmy telling the prisoners “The band don’t even know what song they’re playin’… thanks to you guys”.
— Even just the way Tracy says “We wanna hear more doo-wop!” has me cracking up. God, I’m gonna miss his inherently funny delivery when he soon leaves SNL. He is truly a one-of-a-kind cast member, and I recall the following season’s cast feeling like it was missing a little something without him and his ability to effortlessly save sketches.
— Ha, we now get the funny visual of Tracy’s hardcore prisoner character singing whitebred doo-wop with 50’s Ent.
— The bloopers, ad-libs, and performances have been enhancing this sketch, as the material itself is just whatever.
STARS: ***


STRAIGHT TALK
Rerun from 1/18/03


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— Not too bad, but this episode was nothing special as a whole. Things started out rough in the first 15-20 minutes (minus the monologue). Starting with the Plagiarism Class sketch, the show got better, but even so, there were still occasional weak or iffy things here and there.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Ray Romano)
a mild step down


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
(*groan*) Adrien Brody