Tag: Bon Jovi

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December 12, 2009 – Taylor Lautner / Bon Jovi (S35 E9)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

ADULTERERS PRESS CONFERENCE
Mark Sanford (JAS) & other unfaithful officials sidelined by Tiger Woods

— A fairly funny idea of officials being desperate to bring up their own sex scandals while the nation is obsessed with Tiger Woods’ sex scandal.
— I’m getting tired of Will-as-John-Edwards’ constant love child mentions in this cold opening.
— Overall, some laughs, but this cold opening was nothing too great as a whole.
STARS: **½


MONOLOGUE
host belatedly stands up to Kanye West in Video Music Awards reenactment

— Funny callback to Kenan as Reba McEntire.
— Do we really need a monologue focused around the then-overexposed Kanye West/Taylor Swift VMAs incident, months after it happened? Not to mention how Taylor Swift herself took the high road in her SNL episode earlier this season by relegating the obligatory VMAs reference to a small bit towards the end of the monologue.
— Two monologues in the past three episodes to feature the host doing backflips? Has this become a requirement for ALL male hosts at this point?
— Impressive moves from Taylor Lautner here, though this lacks the excitement that Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s moves had in his monologue.
— Ha, I like how, after TWICE botching his attempt to kick the Kanye West mannequin’s head off, Taylor ad-libs by straight-up punching the mannequin’s head off instead. Nice save.
STARS: **½


ROSE BOWL PROMO
(host) can’t relax during pre-taping of Rose Bowl player introductions

— Very fast costume change for Kenan, considering he had less than a minute to do a costume change between his Reba appearance towards the very end of the monologue and his appearance as a football player in this sketch, which is appearing immediately after the monologue, with no break in between.
— Speaking of Kenan, I’ve been noticing around this time that he’s been losing weight. It’s particularly noticeable in this sketch. His gradual weight loss would continue both this and the following season, only for him to eventually gain all the weight back sometime after 2010. From what VERY little I’ve seen of Kenan in 2019 and our current year, 2020 (as I’ve mentioned in some previous reviews, I’ve been on a still-ongoing hiatus from watching new SNL episodes, ever since December 2018), it seems like he’s lost more weight than ever. I’ve never seen him so thin.
— A little chuckle when Taylor first makes dumb faces at the camera during his intro taping, before you realize this is going to be the ONLY main joke in this four-minute sketch.
— Lately, Bill seems to be trying to make “D’ohhhhhh, boyyyyyy” his catchphrase, as he said it in both the Secret Word sketch from two episodes prior and now this sketch. That “D’ohhhhhh, boyyyyyy” groan of his also matches my fatigue over this tiring, badly-written sketch.
— Ha, I actually got a big laugh from Taylor’s bad dancing and singing during the most recent take, as stupid as it was. The way his voice went in an upwards pitch at the end of his stretched-out, goofy-voiced utterance of his name Phil (“phiiiiiiIIIIILLL!”) made me lose it, and I almost hate myself for laughing so hard at something THAT dumb.
— Andy steals this sketch with his walk-on at the end, easily the funniest part of this poor sketch.
STARS: *½


SURPRISE
imminent pregnancy announcement puts surprise-loving Sue through the roof

— Oh, god. If you’re familiar with my reviews, you’ll know my reaction to seeing Surprise Sue appear.
— At least it’s been over a year since this character’s last appearance. I didn’t realize until very recently that Sue only appears a handful of times during Kristen’s SNL tenure. She only appears once per season from seasons 33-35, completely skips season 36 (I think Kristen announced around that time that she retired the character, because she was sick of playing her), and then makes a return once in season 37, Kristen’s final season. After that, Sue makes one more appearance years later in a 2016 episode that Kristen hosts. It feels like this character appeared a lot more often and more frequently than that, but perhaps that’s me just getting her mixed together with certain other Wiig recurring characters who I don’t like (a lot of those characters run together in my mind).
— Two-and-a-half minutes into this, and I can’t find anything to say about the content of it. This sketch is featuring the same old, same old stuff that didn’t even work all that much for me in this character’s first sketch, yet has STILL suffered diminishing returns for me in the follow-up installments.
— Sue trying to keep herself from revealing the surprise by shoving pieces of a gingerbread house into her mouth and climbing up a chimney feels like a downgrade from her trying to keep quiet by smashing a bottle over her head and jumping out the window in prior installments of this sketch, but at least they tried something a little different this time, unlike the second installment of this sketch, which copied too many gags from the first installment.
— It’s worth noting that this ends up being Kristen’s ONLY appearance all night. Very surprising, given how very heavily SNL has been typically relying on her both the preceding season and this one (much to the chagrin of some online SNL fans at the time). I remember an online SNL fan back at this time had a theory that the reason for SNL going so light on Kristen in this episode may have been because the Gilly Christmas special was going to air a few days afterwards, which obviously features tons of airtime for Kristen.
STARS: *½


PGA TOUR
PGA Tour commissioner Tim Finchem (JAS) downplays Tiger Woods’ hiatus

— Some good laughs from Jason very unconvincingly attempting to assure us that the PGA Tour is going to be fine without Tiger Woods, and how it has plenty of other golfing superstars.
— I like Jason desperately taking a drink from a flask of liquor.
— Pretty funny walk-on from Bobby removing sponsor logos in the background while Jason is still going on to the camera about how “fine” the PGA Tour is going to be.
STARS: ***½


SHOW CHOIR
middle schooler (ANS) heckles Christmas program of classmates’ show choir

— Will’s role reminds me of the prison warden role he played in the 50’s Ent sketch (in which Will memorably kept yelling “Shut the eff up!” to the off-camera prisoners booing the onstage performers) from the Ashton Kutcher episode all the way back in season 28, Will’s very first season.
— Not caring for this sketch at all. Not even Will is doing anything for me. His role in this sketch pales badly in comparison to his role in the aforementioned 50’s Ent sketch.
— Ha, yet another Andy Samberg walk-on that salvages a bad sketch. He’s playing this particular obnoxious role to absolute perfection.
— Nice singing voice from Kenan during the part where the stage show actually gets legitimately good all of a sudden.
— Bah, a lame ending.
STARS: *½


PGA TOUR
Tim Finchem (JAS) puts on a brave face amidst desperate PGA Tour changes

— Absolutely hilarious how the only sponsors the PGA Tour can now get are things such as Madoff Investment Group and the movie Old Dogs.
— Jason is perfectly selling his character’s increasing desperation and diminishing emotional state.
— A lot of funny new golf rules that Jason lists off.
— In hindsight, a reminder that Jersey Shore was the new hot show at the time, which also serves as a reminder that the debut of Bobby’s Snooki impression (which we’ll be seeing quite a lot both this and the following season during Jersey Shore’s peak of popularity) is right around the corner.
— I love Jason suddenly having second thoughts when realizing the PGA Tour’s new addition of sexy female caddies would be a bad idea.
STARS: ****


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Superman Tonight”


WEEKEND UPDATE
Tiger Woods mistress #15 (NAP) wrongly thinks relationship was special

Native American stand-up Billy Smith’s indigenous punchlines fall flat

— Something about Seth’s voice sounds a little odd and slower tonight. Is this another Update in which he has a fairly hoarse throat?
— Nothing much to say about Nasim’s commentary at all. Her occasional sayings of “Oh, fu-huuurrr suuurrre” feels like the only real humor, and even that’s being run into the ground here.
— Wow, Fred’s Billy Smith character, appearing for the first time since way back in 2004, believe it or not. Just to put into perspective how VERY long it’s been, the last Weekend Update commentary Billy Smith did prior to this was during the Fallon/Fey era of Update. (Billy Smith’s actual last appearance prior to tonight was a very brief, silent walk-on in Liam Neeson’s season 30 monologue, which is still a very long time ago from tonight’s episode.)
— Given how badly downhill Fred has been going this season, it’s kinda nice to see the return of an actual funny character from Fred’s actual good years on SNL. Back in those days, he was a master at pulling off Andy Kaufman-esque anti-comedy that this Billy Smith character relies on.
— Sadly, Fred doesn’t even seem to be able to play this character the way he used to. In tonight’s appearance, Fred is mugging up a fucking STORM at the end of each punchline. He never went THIS over-the-top in this character’s previous appearances. It’s completely ruining the character for me, and he’s making the mugging the joke rather than the obscure Native American terms that the punchlines end with. (*sigh*) Just another sign of how bad Fred has gotten this season (and how worse he would continue to get after this).
— Now Fred’s milking the “What else? What else?” gag too much.
— Seth can be heard laughing off-camera at the Billy Smith commentary as loudly as the audience, and certainly louder than me.
— Boy, this Billy Smith commentary is insufferable. Please end this already.
— Hey, Seth? We didn’t need you to explain the punchline of your Amish/“weaving” joke. We got the joke on our own, thank you. As I always say, a comedian explaining their own punchline is one of the biggest comedy sins.
— Overall, the second consecutive subpar Update.
STARS: **


LAB PARTNERS
in science class, tweens (host) & (JES) debate merits of Edward vs. Jacob

— Ugh at the reveal of Taylor in drag, early on in this sketch. I’m already starting to sour on this sketch.
— Unlike the Firelight short from the Taylor Swift-hosted episode earlier this season, which was still able to appeal to me as someone who’s never seen a Twilight movie, this Twilight-centric sketch is going way over my head, can’t hold my interest, and seems like it’s meant to just pander to young Twilight fangirls who may be watching. I also don’t like how this feels like a lame attempt at the “Celebrity makes fun of themselves while playing someone else” trope (which SNL did to better effect even just two episodes prior with Dave Matthews in the Mellow Show sketch).
— This sketch is DEATH so far.
— I finally got an actual laugh, from the cutaway to Bobby’s dumbfounded facial reaction. Good ol’ Bobby.
— Oh, no. Jenny makes a bad gaffe right now (her second bad gaffe of the season, and I don’t need to say what her first one was), where she accidentally reads Bill’s line off of the cue card (“Hey, what have I told you, Marianna?”) when Taylor’s character is making out with a book. You can tell Jenny instantly realizes her mistake and is rather embarrassed by it. To Jenny’s credit, she at least didn’t say the line very loudly, and thus, I’m sure a lot of viewers don’t notice it when watching this sketch. However, this gaffe is still a sign of how green Jenny is as a live sketch performer. Reruns hide this gaffe by replacing the shot of Jenny reading the wrong line off the cue card with a random close-up of Bobby just looking on while doing and saying nothing.
— A very awkward and empty ending.
STARS: *½


PGA TOUR
drunk Tim Finchem (JAS) is angry & distraught over future of his sport

— These PGA Tour bits have been the ONLY things working for me in tonight’s episode so far.
— I love the continued downfall of Jason’s character. We also get a funny visual of a tie wrapped around his head.
— Very funny how one of new sponsors is the letter Q.
— Hmm, this is starting to run out of steam a little. This third PGA Tour ad is starting to come off like this runner has been stretched a little too thin, though as usual, Jason is selling it as best as he can.
STARS: ***


ETERNAL SPARK OF LOVE
(KET) slides in with soulful commentary on young lovers (host) & (ABE)

— Interesting structure to this sketch.
— I like how Kenan’s soulful interjections are now taking a different turn when uncomfortable awkwardness starts happening in Taylor and Abby’s romantic encounter.
— Very funny part with Kenan’s character falling off of the moving platform and then yelling at the crew member responsible.
— This sketch continues Kenan’s growth arc this season, as he is a hoot in this sketch. I particularly love him very briefly popping his head into the screen just to yell an angry, quick “NO!” at the camera, in reaction to something embarrassing Taylor revealed about himself.
STARS: ****


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “When We Were Beautiful”


DOORBELLS AND MORE
Tina Tina Chanuse (JES) voices custom doorbells to suit all needs

— Bobby has the ability to even make his sarcastic utterance of “Pff! Nice doorbell!” come off very funny.
— Wow, the usually-underused Jenny Slate in ANOTHER big role tonight. This, combined with the fact that the usually-dominant Kristen Wiig has made only one appearance all night, along with the fact that Abby and Nasim have been making a fairly large amount of appearances as well, makes me feel like I’m watching an alternate universe episode from this SNL era.
— I have very mixed feelings on the humor of Jenny’s various doorbells, but I think I’m leaning closer to the “Don’t care much for it” side.
— Bobby continues to get a lot of humor out of the littlest things, as I love his sideways thumbs-up before he exits.
— It’s getting tiring hearing all of these comedic doorbell voice-overs back to back. I’m now realizing that some of these doorbell voice-overs would actually make me laugh if I heard them as an isolated, individual gag rather than hearing all of them one after another.
— Jenny’s reaction to Taylor walking out on her was fairly funny.
— When this episode originally aired, I remember feeling that Jenny had finally “made it”, and I considered this to be her breakout night. However, the reception a lot of online SNL fans at the time had to Jenny’s showing in this episode was very negative, due to 1) the poor Lab Partners sketch Jenny co-starred in, 2) Jenny’s aforementioned bad gaffe in said Lab Partners sketch where she mistakenly read Bill’s line off the cue card, and 3) this polarizing Doorbell sketch. I even remember that, right after this episode originally aired, one online SNL fan made a snarky post that stated “Message from the future: Jenny Slate only lasted one season on SNL.”
STARS: **


IN MEMORIAM
a photo of Heino Ripp marks his passing


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— Not a good episode AT ALL. Mediocrity dominated the night, and the overall episode had a completely forgettable, “nothing” feel. Aside from a (very) few highlights, this episode was a total write-off.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


RATED SEGMENTS RANKED FROM BEST TO WORST
Eternal Spark Of Love
PGA Tour 2
PGA Tour 1
PGA Tour 3
Adulterers Press Conference
Monologue
Doorbells And More
Weekend Update
Rose Bowl Promo
Show Choir
Surprise
Lab Partners


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Blake Lively)
a big step down


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
The 2000s come to an end. James Franco hosts the final episode of the decade.

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May 12, 2001 – Lara Flynn Boyle / Bon Jovi (S26 E19)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

VICE PRESIDENTIAL ADDRESS
Dick Cheney’s (DAH) economy of energy expenditure exemplifies efficiency

— A good number of funny low-key lines from Darrell’s Cheney. Even just the way Darrell is speaking as Cheney is amusing me here, for some reason.
— Funny concept of Cheney making his personality energy efficient.
— A big laugh from Cheney stating Roberto Benigni used 47,000 calories while speaking during his famous Oscars acceptance speech from a few years prior.
— Good bit with Cheney demonstrating “different” monotone emotions.
STARS: ***½


MONOLOGUE
audience member Keith razzes host about her weight & Jack Nicholson

— What the hell is Lara Flynn Boyle wearing (screencap below)?!?

— Another Adam-McKay-interrupts-a-monologue-as-an-obnoxious-audience-member monologue. The last one from the Tobey Maguire episode was pretty funny.
— I cannot picture Lara Flynn Boyle and Jack Nicholson as a couple AT ALL.
— Lara is coming off kinda awkward in the way she’s playing off of Adam McKay. Tobey Maguire played a better straight man to Adam the last time SNL did this type of monologue.
— A good laugh from Adam asking Lara how big Jack Nicholson’s “joker” is.
— Some funny witty retorts from Adam to Lara.
— A very odd and kinda-disgusting gag with Lara showing food outlines sticking out from inside her stomach, but Lara’s at least coming off fairly likable during it.
STARS: ***


CORN CHIP NAIL TIPS
— Rerun, for the BILLIONTH time this season, originally aired on 10/7/00. This season is getting out of hand with the excessive amount of fake ads they’re repeating. If I see Corn Chip Nail Tips or Homocil one more time before this season ends…
— Even the studio audience sounds tired of seeing this commercial, especially judging from their VERY hesitant applause at the end.


PHYSICAL
(CHP) coughs during faux hernia test administered by (WIF), (host), (RAD)

— Some pretty good laughs from Will CONSTANTLY asking Parnell to cough while he feels Parnell’s testicles.
— I like how this is now getting to the point where Will brings in more and more fellow doctors and nurses to feel Parnell’s testicles while asking him to cough. I particularly love Rachel’s eager “My turn!”
— Good turn with Darrell entering as a doctor and asking Will and his co-workers “Who the hell are you people?”, resulting in them dashing out of the room, making Parnell realize that they weren’t even doctors.
— A funny “I’m a butt man” ending with Darrell.
STARS: ***


AUDITION
Kyle & Sean DeMarco don ’80s hair while auditioning for musical guest

— Not sure if Horatio’s intentional overacting at the beginning (“WHY, GOD, WHY?!?! WHY’D YOU MAKE ME A DANCER?!?!”) worked for me. He seems to be giving more and more over-the-top performances lately (especially when he’s sharing a scene with Jimmy), an unfortunate sign of things to come.
— Oh, god, another DeMarco Brothers sketch.
— I did laugh for a while at Parnell’s comically intense facial expressions when miming playing the keyboard, until it went on too long.
— Jon Bon Jovi and Richie Sambora both bust out laughing HARD out of character when seeing Kattan and Parnell in 80s Bon Jovi wigs, as if that was unplanned. This seems completely genuine… until you see the dress rehearsal version of this sketch that would later be aired in reruns, which contains the EXACT SAME “genuine” laughing from Jovi and Sambora when seeing Kattan and Parnell in the wigs. So what’s the story here? Was the wig bit genuinely unexpected by Jovi and Sambora at dress rehearsal, and SNL liked their laughing reaction so much that they told them to “re-create” their laughing for the live show, fooling us viewers into thinking their laughing was genuine? If so, boo to SNL for that move. I’m docking half a star from my already-low rating of this sketch just for that alone.
— The “Get out” / “Come back” bit at the end is going on WAY too long.
STARS: *


MTV CRIBS
Robert Downey, Jr. (CHK) gives a very quick tour of his jail cell

— A funny quick in-and-out parody of Cribs, with an imprisoned Robert Downey Jr. giving us an incredibly brief tour of his jail cell.
STARS: ***½


SAVE THE STARVING ACTRESSES
host makes an appeal on behalf of Save The Starving Actresses Foundation

— A pretty good self-deprecating way for Lara to spoof her known extreme skinniness, as well as a way to spoof the unsettling then-current trend of skinniness among actresses in general.
— Lara: “For just the price of a cup of coffee, you can buy Courteney Cox… a cup of coffee.”
— Why are they mentioning Sarah Jessica Parker? I don’t recall her being freakishly skinny around this time.
— Lara’s voice keeps occasionally getting hoarse and phlegmy-sounding throughout this.
STARS: ***


PREMIERE PLAYHOUSE
town elders welcome (host)’s Scarlet Letters B & J

— The men’s sleazy reaction to seeing that Lara’s scarlet letter is “BJ” is okay, if a cheap premise.
— A hilarious walk-on from Will, even if he’s playing a broad gay stereotype. Will just manages to always make funny walk-ons like this work.
— Will’s overly prissy way of saying “No!” when Parnell is ordering him to leave make both Horatio and Lara break.
— Interestingly, Parnell exclaims “Sweet sassy molassey!” when seeing Rachel and Maya’s scarlet letters. A kinda random way for SNL to self-reference a legendary Ray Romano sketch.
— Funny ending reveal of this airing on the Spice Channel.
STARS: ***


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “It’s My Life”


WEEKEND UPDATE
Lou Reed [real] addresses rumors of his death circulating on the Internet

— A nice fast pacing to Jimmy and Tina’s jokes so far tonight.
— Jimmy and Lou Reed’s serious interview about how “dead” Reed is is fairly funny.
— Wow, Update’s over ALREADY? This was a very short Update that rivals the string of short Updates from around February-March of this season.
STARS: ***½


MOULIN ROUGE!
anachronistic Moulin Rouge pairs 1890s setting with 1970s music

— Moulin Rouge focusing on 70s music is fairly funny.
— Will is instantly cracking me up with his facial expressions when he begins singing.
— A huge laugh from Will breaking out into “Kung Fu Fighting”.
— An overall pretty fun sketch, even if I wasn’t laughing all that much during several portions.
STARS: ***


MSNBC INVESTIGATES
teen boys’ Golden Girls copycat syndrome is worrisome

— A hilarious way of spoofing the bad trend at the time of teens injuring themselves when attempting to imitate stunts from Jackass.
— A big laugh from the “How was that? Did I look sexy?” aside that Will as a reporter asks someone off-camera after doing his intro.
— Very funny visual of Jimmy casually doing an interview acting like a typical young guy while dressed as Rue McClanahan’s Golden Girls character.
— Interesting seeing a childhood picture of Kattan (screencap below).

As I said a few times in earlier reviews, I’m always a sucker for seeing what cast members looked like as kids.
— A very funny home video of four teens imitating the Golden Girls. Interesting how those four teens are played by the exact same group of cast members who do the traditional Season’s Greetings song in this era (Jimmy, Horatio, Tracy, and Kattan).
— An interesting tidbit is that the part with Kattan throwing himself backwards out of his chair during the choking bit actually resulted in a serious real-life back injury for Kattan. [ADDENDUM: According to commenter Strummer, it was actually Kattan’s neck that got injured.] To this day, all these years later, Kattan reportedly claims that that injury still affects him.
— Ana’s Bea Arthur impression is surprisingly weak.
— I like Parnell and Maya as the melodramatic, upset parents.
— Very funny ending scene of a large group performing “Thank You For Being A Friend” as a tribute to Kattan’s character.
STARS: ****½


WAKE UP WAKEFIELD!
phys ed teacher (host) prepares Sheldon for the prom

— This sketch has officially become recurring.
— A good laugh from the mustache on Lara’s female gym teacher character.
— Horatio’s teacher character in this recurring sketch always works for me, because, as I said in my review of the first installment of this sketch, I had a teacher at the time who acted and looked eerily like Horatio’s character.
— Decent bit with Lara using Rachel’s Sheldon to demonstrate a dance.
STARS: ***


A MESSAGE FROM SHAQUILLE O’NEAL
voice-immodulant Shaquille O’Neal (TRM) was joking about his sex life

— Already a laugh right from the start of this, with the opening visual of Tracy’s Shaq sitting on a small chair in a room with small furniture to emphasize Shaq’s huge size.
— Tracy’s monotone voice as Shaq is cracking me up, even if this is far from the most dead-on Shaq impression I’ve seen.
— Between Will’s Jacob Silj character, Darrell’s Chris Matthews impression, and now Tracy’s Shaq impression, SNL’s been doing a lot of characters and celebrity impressions lately who seem to lack the ability to modulate the volume or tone their voice.
— Tracy’s Shaq: “When I said that Tyra Banks gets sexually aroused when I put on a huge diaper and dance for her, that was not true….. she did not enjoy it at all.”
STARS: ***½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “You Give Love A Bad Name”


SHOOTERS
Bloater brothers overextend themselves while flirting with barmaid (host)

— The Bloater Brothers, one of my biggest SNL guilty pleasures, make their first appearance in a whole year. Also odd how they’re appearing the same night as another pair of brother characters co-starring Parnell (DeMarco Brothers).  Not exactly the most revered sets of recurring characters among SNL fans these days.
— Lara, when the Bloater Brothers imply they’d like to sleep with her: “I turned gay the moment you two walked in.” Wayne Bloater: “Call Richard Roundtree, I think we got the shaft!”
— When Lara supposedly flashes the Bloater Brothers while having her back to the camera, you can clearly see that she has a bra on.
— The show must be running long, as the ending of this sketch gets cut off a few seconds too early by an SNL bumper photo of Lara.
— Overall, not one of the better Bloater Brothers sketches, but still tolerable to me.
STARS: ***


GOODNIGHTS

— Yep, the show is indeed running long. These goodnights get cut off FAST, before Lara even finishes her goodnights speech.

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A very average episode, which seems to have become the norm in the back half of this season. Barely anything in tonight’s episode stood out as great or memorable, but there weren’t any real flops either, besides a DeMarco Brothers installment that particularly frustrated me for various reasons.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Pierce Brosnan)
a step down


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Season 26 comes to an end, with host Christopher Walken. It’s also the final episode for both Jerry Minor and, temporarily, Chris Parnell. You’d think Jerry had ALREADY left before this point, judging by how absent he’s been from the show lately.

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February 18, 1995 – Deion Sanders / Bon Jovi (S20 E13)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

SIMPSON JURY FIELD TRIP
O.J. Simpson (TIM) sways jurors during a field trip to his house

— Tim’s O.J. letting Ellen keep his Heisman Trophy is pretty funny.
— Ha, Mark takes over Mike Myers’ Judge Ito impression. Something about that re-casting cracks me up, for some reason.
— Just now, the party music was cued up too early and then quickly stopped.
— Not all that much to laugh at here overall, but I guess this had kind of a charm to it and was harmless enough. Maybe I’m just being somewhat lenient towards this because I know what tonight’s episode has in store for me.
STARS: **½


MONOLOGUE
(no synopsis available)

— My god, Deion’s exaggerated, corny delivery of “About a week ago, Lorne Michaels calls me up!!!” was CRINGEWORTHY.
— Deion equating SNL to a football team is awful.
— Hmm, interesting how during his “SNL is a football team” analogy, he calls SNL “a rebuilding effort”. I see SNL is acknowledging the rough year they’ve been having.
— Overall, not a single laugh to be had here, thus beginning the pure hell that is this episode.
STARS: *


MAJOR LEAGUE PLAYERS ASSOCIATION
other sources of income allow host to promote baseball strike solidarity

— My god, EVERY SINGLE TIME Deion lowers his hand on the podium (which he does at the end of EVERY sentence), his wristwatch makes a loud and distracting “clunk” sound on the podium’s wood. Every single time. The fact that there have been zero laughs in this sketch so far makes the “clunk” sounds even more noticeable.
— Boy, is Deion fumbling through his lines throughout this.
— Enough with the running gag with Deion’s ringing cellphone.
— This sketch is DEAD so far.
— Not even Farley’s John Kruk is doing anything for me here.
— Deion, in one of his many line flubs: “…..do what we can to make men’s ends meet.” Closest I’ve come to laughing at this whole damn sketch.
— Now we get a lousy newspaper headline ending, one of SNL’s laziest go-to sketch-ending tropes.
STARS: *


THE 1995 ESPY AWARDS
sports honors with John Goodman (CHF); Manute Bol cameo

— I love Chris Elliott and I love what he’s been bringing to SNL this season, but he’s no impressionist, as his take on Chris Berman is showing.
— The bit with Elliott’s Berman doing gimmicky variations of athlete’s surnames is just plain stupid, and not in the funny way.
— Speaking of lousy celebrity impressions, Farley as John Goodman.
— The constant cutaways to the same stock footage of a laughing Lou Diamond Phillips sums up season 20’s habit of relying on one joke over and over. Same goes for Farley-as-Goodman’s constant “The Mets suck” jokes.
— Speaking of lousy celebrity impressions, Adam as Bobcat Goldthwait.
— Random casting of Jon Bon Jovi, who looks almost unrecognizable here.
— Speaking of lousy celebrity impressions, EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS SKETCH.
— Oof, Manute Bol should’ve just left his SNL camoes one-and-done with his funny Majestic Caribbean Cruise commercial from the preceding season. He could barely get through his one line in tonight’s sketch without stumbling over practically EVERY SINGLE word.
— This sketch is death personified. How long can this overlong, laughless tripe continue to go on?
— Oh, now we’re getting insulting and sexist, with Jay’s Dick Vitale screaming angrily about how women’s basketball is “not a real sport”. This is another bit in this sketch that sums up some of the problems of season 20. Oh, and even better, we soon end up getting an entire fucking sketch based on the “who cares about women’s basketball?” sentiment, when Paul Reiser hosts a few episodes later.
— The bizarre award show categories are just plain dumb, even if that’s the point. “Biggest stadium”??? WTF? This ain’t funny.
— Janeane’s Susan Sarandon, regarding a list she and Mark’s Tim Robbins are about to read off: “If you think sitting through this list will be excruciating torture…..” No, Janeane, excruciating torture would be sitting through this sketch.
— Overall, a quintessential example of SNL’s poor track record with award show sketches. Probably the all-time worst award show sketch in SNL history.
STARS: *


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Always”


WEEKEND UPDATE
Operaman sings about Colin Ferguson, Demi Moore, Brad Pitt, more

— Here comes Norm to give me my first big laughs of the whole night.
— TONS of O.J. jokes tonight, most of them gold.
— Our first instance of what would go on to be a recurring Norm gag, with the punchline of a joke being Norm flashing a whole bunch of money while greedily saying “Don’t I know it!”
— Operaman makes his first appearance in a year, and his final appearance during Adam’s tenure as a cast member. Feels odd seeing him in a Norm Macdonald Update, as I’m so used to seeing him in Kevin Nealon Updates.
— Operaman is on fire tonight.
— Ha, Norm has a bad habit of often accidentally referring to Adam Sandler Update characters as “Adam Sandler” before correcting himself.
— I love hearing the audience reaction to Norm’s so-wrong-but-priceless “Best retard” joke about Tom Hanks and Jodie Foster.
STARS: ****½


JUGGERNAUT FORCE
mission into UFO leaves macho commandos naked, defensive, emasculated

— A particularly notorious sketch from this already notorious episode.
— Holy hell, there goes the famous blooper with Farley’s accidental mooning when his pants fall off (the sixth above screencap for this sketch). I’m certainly laughing, but it’s a sad day when the sight of Farley’s bare entire ass is one of the very few highlights of an episode.
— Speaking of which, when talking about this Farley mooning incident in his SNL book, Jay Mohr says that as Farley pulled his pants back up, Farley accidentally hit his head on the top of the spaceship’s entrance, resulting in him yelling “SON OF A!”
— Ugh at all the gay panic and typical season 20 homophobia in this sketch.
— My god (have I said that enough in this review?), the tedious, non-stop cutaways to newspaper headlines is driving me INSANE. I understand that SNL is probably showing all of those headlines so the cast can do quick changes, but at least make the headlines HUMOROUS.
— Now Elliott almost has an accidental mooning incident of his own, as his pants almost fall down as he’s running up the spaceship stairs, and you can almost see his crack.
— This sketch feels ENDLESS and just keeps getting worse and worse and worse as it progresses.
— I swear to God, if they show one more newspaper headline…
— Finally, this abomination is over.
STARS: *


RAP CONCERT
rappers (host), (TIM), (ADS) perform short songs with simple lyrics

 

— Hoo, boy. Every time it seems like a sketch is the lowest that tonight’s episode can sink, SNL manages to keep outdoing themselves by following it with a new worst sketch that would go to live on in infamy.
— Michael introduces himself as “JD Smooth”. I’ll leave it to you to figure out why that name is interesting in retrospect.
— Speaking of Michael, what the bloody hell is he, of all people, doing playing an urban, hip-hop character in a setting like this? Or is it an intentional throwaway joke that such a character is played by the oldest, whitest guy in the cast?
— This sketch was originally cut after dress rehearsal from the preceding season’s Martin Lawrence episode. In that version, I believe Rob Schneider played McKean’s role.
— What’s with the odd, awkward long pause just now before Tim spoke?
— “Peace, we outta here” as the only joke repeated a billion times in a four-minute sketch…… Goddammit, SNL. The only good thing about this is that it gave the That Week In SNL podcast their immortal sign-off line.
— Ladies and gentlemen, I am practically comatose by this point of tonight’s episode. The horribleness of tonight’s episode has officially broken me.
STARS: who gives a fuck anymore?


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Someday I’ll Be Saturday Night”


PERSPECTIVES
Lionel Osbourne & director of boys’ athletic club (host)

— Finally, a silver lining.
— Nice to see this sketch officially become recurring.
— Oh, dear. The awful character voice Deion is speaking in is threatening to derail this sketch. Don’t ruin my precious Perspectives, Deion!
— The whole bit with the five New York boroughs is really funny.
— Great bit at the end regarding an immediate rebroadcast of this episode of Perspectives.
— Overall, a solid sketch in itself, but Deion’s dreadful delivery in this (which I admit I might’ve considered “so bad, it’s good” in a better episode) made this not quite as strong as it otherwise would’ve been.
STARS: ***½


HOT DOG FOR JASON
to help a sick boy (CHF), host hotdogs & taunts opponents during a game

— Unlike many of the other atrocious sketches tonight, there’s nothing all that wrong with this sketch’s premise, but the resulting sketch is still a complete flop and is providing zero laughs. I’m sure an episode with better writing could’ve gotten SOMETHING out of this premise.
— I can’t find anything else to say about this. By this point of tonight’s episode, I’ve completely run out of negative things to say about bad sketches tonight.
STARS: blaaagh


RAPPING DEION
host performs “Must Be The Money” & “It’s On”

— OH. MY. GOD.
— Deion’s blatant lipsyncing, his ridiculous spastic “dancing”, his outfit, the attitude he’s attempting to pull off, the mere idea to even give him a segment like this… all of this is making this the unintentionally funniest segment of tonight’s entire episode.


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— …………………………………………………………………..Yeah, I got nothin’. I’m pretty much speechless after sitting through this unbelievable trainwreck of an episode. Worst episode ever? It certainly may be.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Bob Newhart)
the biggest step down imaginable


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
George Clooney hosts. It’s also the abrupt end of the road for a frustrated Janeane Garofalo, as well as the beginning of the road for a certain new female hire.

Posted on

January 9, 1993 – Danny DeVito / Bon Jovi (S18 E10)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

COLD OPENING
Bob & Bill Swerski write a letter to protest firing of Mike Ditka [real]

— Yet another unique use of the Super Fans. They’re especially treading new territory here.
— Alongside George Wendt in his usual Bob Swerski role, we surprisingly have Joe Mantegna returning as Bill Swerski, the original Super Fans host. The reason for his return is presumably because of the lack of Chris Farley, who will not be appearing in tonight’s episode, as he’s currently in another rehab stint (his second this season alone).
— Now we get a mention of the absence of Farley’s character, who’s written out of the sketch as recovering from a particularly massive heart attack when he heard the news of Mike Ditka’s firing.
— Some good laughs from the Super Fans returning all of their ridiculous Bears memorabilia as well as season tickets they purchased for the 1993 season through the 2032 season.
— I love the part with Mantegna’s character accidentally dripping cheese sauce on the letter Wendt’s character is writing.
— Nice pre-taped scene with the real Mike Ditka reading the letter and then calling up NASA as a response.
STARS: ****


OPENING MONTAGE
— Dana Carvey is credited in tonight’s montage, despite the fact that he will once again not be appearing in the show. I’m confused as to why he was removed from the preceding episode’s opening montage and yet is kept in tonight’s opening montage, when he’s absent in both episodes.


MONOLOGUE
dysfunctional vaudevillians host & ROS will do anything for a laugh

— Fun energetic entrance from Danny, dancing all around the home base stage.
— I love Danny and Rob’s “I’ll Do Anything For a Laugh” musical number, with them taking turns musically listing off all the ridiculous, embarrassing, painful thing they’ll do to entertain us. I’m enjoying the vaudevillian approach to this.
— When concluding the monologue after the song is finished, I really liked Danny announcing tonight’s musical guest by saying “Top that, Bon Jovi!” instead of the usual “Bon Jovi is here.”
STARS: ****


CANIS
— Rerun from the Nicolas Cage episode


AARON SPELLING’S AMY FISHER 10516
Tori Spelling (MEH) in FOX TV-movie

— Pretty funny idea of a 90210-ized version of the Amy Fisher story. Also, very good casting of Danny as Joey Buttafuoco.
— Boy, Melanie is really doubling-down on the mugging in this particular Tori Spelling appearance.
— Didn’t care too much for how this overall sketch turned out. After a funny start, it didn’t go as far as it should’ve and got too dominated by the mugging.
STARS: **


SIMON
American tub-sharer Vinnie (host) has ties to the mob

— Danny is hilarious as a wiseguy Italian kid, especially his more crude versions of Simon’s signature lines (e.g. saying “My mummy’s sleeping with the fishes” instead of “My mummy’s sleeping with the angels”, and saying “Were you lookin’ at my ass?” instead of “Were you looking at my bum?”).
— The drawings being displayed are funnier than usual, especially Danny’s violent drawings.
— Overall, an improvement over the usual Simon sketches. Danny provided a good boost to this.
STARS: ***½


MASTERPIECE THEATRE
the PBS Amy Fisher tale is “The House Of Buttafuoco”

— Several technical issues at the beginning. The Masterpiece Theatre opening title sequence actually stops at one point before continuing, you can hear SNL stagehands mumbling to each other, and you can also hear loud running footsteps in the studio, which might be Mike Myers and Danny DeVito rushing to get changed from the Simon sketch to this sketch, considering these two sketches are airing back-to-back, with no commercial break in between.
— Always refreshing to see a Jan Hooks special guest spot, and she’s great in this role.
— Now THIS is a funny presentation of the Amy Fisher/Joey Buttafuoco story.
— I love how various dignified people throughout this sketch, including Jan as the host, are pronouncing the name Buttafuoco phonetically.
— Mike’s butler role is basically just Mike doing his Kenneth Reese-Evans character (the host of the Theatre Stories sketches). He’s using the exact same voice, vocal tics and all.
— Amusing seeing Danny as Buttafuoco again tonight.
— Funny touch at the very end with Jan exhaustedly slumping back in her chair as the camera zooms out.
STARS: ***½


SHIFTY EYES
restaurant patrons imply guilt via suspiciously shifting their eyes

— I like the format of this sketch, and this is the type of sketch that the late 80s/early 90s years are usually good at pulling off.
— This is starting to get especially funny with other characters getting into Danny’s eye-shifting act, especially Phil as the waiter doing it when angrily asked “What were you doing back there, playing with yourself?”
— Good ending with Kevin.
STARS: ***½


DEEP THOUGHTS BY JACK HANDEY
on coaxing a spirit back to its body
— Not included in my copy of this episode.


AMY FISHER: ONE MESSED-UP BITCH
BET’s Buttafuoco variant

— I love how it’s a running gag tonight for each female cast member to play a different version of Amy Fisher. Very fun.
— A funny concept of a BET-ized version of the Amy Fisher story, and it’s being executed pretty well.
STARS: ***½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Bed of Roses”


WEEKEND UPDATE
on a technicality, Jan Brady (MEH) names Leprechaun the year’s best movie

— Wow, tonight’s Jan Brady commentary just came and went, and surprisingly did not work for me. The bit was too brief for its own good, I didn’t find the “Leprechaun is the only movie that’s come out so far this year” spiel funny, and Melanie’s penchant for flubbing lines was on full display here.
— Kevin’s joke where he basically implies Madonna is a slut made me laugh out loud, considering Madonna’s going to be the musical guest in the very next episode.
— Robert Smigel had a commentary cut after this episode’s dress rehearsal, in which he reprised his Hank Fielding “Moron’s Perspective” character and gave an analysis of president-elect Bill Clinton. We’ll be seeing this character return later this season.
STARS: ***


THE GAP
Gap employees Kristy (DAS) & Lucy (ADS) hassle Di & other customers

— There’s a funny subtle blooper at the beginning. This sketch opens on a shot of two extras playing customers looking through some clothes, but they linger way too long and are very late on their cue to exit the scene. If you listen closely during that part, you can actually hear an off-camera Joe Dicso (SNL’s stage manger) whispering to them in an increasingly agitated tone “Go! GO! GO!!” before the extras FINALLY exit the scene.
— Ladies and gentlemen, we have a major recurring sketch debut!
— Good characterizations from Adam and David here.
— A sudden return of Melanie’s Delta Delta Delta character, Di. I never cared much for those sketches, but it feels odd and a little sad seeing Melanie’s character without her two friends played by Siobhan Fallon and Beth Cahill, as this just brings back a reminder of how Siobhan and Beth deserved to be given more of a chance and shouldn’t have been fired so early.
— I’ve refreshingly been fairly tolerant of Melanie Hutsell throughout this SNL project of mine, compared to how overly harsh I used to be towards her, but tonight’s episode has unfortunately been highlighting her worst tendencies as a performer, between her excessive mugging in both this sketch and the Amy Fisher/Tori Spelling sketch and her line flubs throughout her Jan Brady commentary on Update.
— I found this overall Gap Girls debut decent, but it felt a little empty without Chris Farley, knowing what a scene-stealer he would go on to be in most future installments of this sketch.
STARS: ***


BOOKS ON TAPE
Charlton Heston (PHH) helps convert Madonna’s book Sex to Books On Tape

— An absolutely priceless use of Phil’s always-funny Charlton Heston impression, having him narrate Madonna’s Sex book.
— Heston’s various suggestions for vagina euphemisms are hilarious, especially “furburger”.
— Danny as Al Goldstein is really funny in his own right, with his horny descriptions of the raunchy book photos.
STARS: ****½


UNBELIEVABLE NEW BREAKTHROUGHS
Mary Jo Buttafuoco (JAH) & hair-in-a-can

— Tonight’s Amy Fisher running gag continues, with even infomercials now getting in on the Amy Fisher dramatization craze.
— Jan is hilarious as Mary Jo Buttafuoco, with her imitating Mary Jo’s talking-out-the-corner-of-the-mouth side effect from getting shot, and her constant mentions of that “crazy teenage bitch” who tried to kill her.
— Overall, short but very well-executed.
STARS: ****


HITMAN
hitman (host) doesn’t hide his occupation from his wife (JUS) very well

— Not caring much for this so far. I will say that I am liking Danny and Julia’s performances and the way they’re playing off of each other.
— Okay, I’m starting to be kinda amused by some of the instances of Danny immediately following his usual “Stay outta my business!” warnings to Julia by asking her specific things that would give her knowledge of his “business”. This is still nothing great to me, though.
STARS: **½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Wanted Dead or Alive”


ADULTS LIVING AT HOME
support group for adults still living with their parents holds a meeting

— Pretty funny subject matter for a support group sketch.
— Kevin’s character is particularly funny, with his constant denial that he lives with his mother. Even something about just the physical look of his character is making me laugh.
— I love Danny’s obnoxious pride in living with his mother, and detailing how he has her doing EVERYTHING for him.
STARS: ***


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A good episode, though not quite as strong as I remembered. Some portions of this episode were a little more average than I recalled, but I still found this to be an overall enjoyable show, and it had a few really strong highlights. And this episode still contained the fun vibe that I had remembered it having, helped by Danny DeVito’s always-fun presence and the Amy Fisher running theme throughout the show.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Glenn Close)
a mild step up


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Harvey Keitel