Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars
PENTAGON PRESS BRIEFING
Craig Fenson reads more naughty-sounding names of suspected terrorists
— Third cold opening in a row with Darrell’s Donald Rumsfeld impression.
— A reprise of the dirty terrorist names bit with Robert DeNiro’s Craig Fenson character. This bit was surprisingly great the first time, but I’m wary on whether this will hold up in a second installment. This seems better left as a one-off, especially given how overly reliant this era has become on dirty wordplay humor after DeNiro’s previous hosting stint. (Hell, we got a dirty wordplay bit just ONE EPISODE AGO, with Colin Farrell’s Weekend Update commentary about Alexander The Great.)
— (*sigh*) DeNiro ALREADY screws up a line, early on in his appearance here.
— I’m two-and-a-half minutes into this, and just as I was afraid, this dirty terrorist names routine does NOT hold up in a second sketch. I’m still getting a few laughs, but tonight’s names are coming off tepid compared to the LOL-worthy names from the first installment of this. It doesn’t help that some of tonight’s dirty names are such old cliches that have been around for ages.
— Just now, DeNiro’s character discloses the fact that the he received his next bit of info from a radio DJ named Dirty Dan The Garbage Man and his morning crew. That’s actually a very random meta reference to a character played by Ben Affleck in a Z105 sketch from the episode Affleck hosted the preceding season.
— For the second episode in a row, we get a bad technical error in the cold opening. This time, a few seconds before DeNiro says “Live from New York…”, we get an accidental cutaway to a screen of SNL’s logo from the season 29 opening montage, with a Christmas wreath added onto the logo (screencap below).
STARS: **
MONOLOGUE
host & Kermit The Frog (Steve Whitmire)- “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas”
— Wow, Kermit The Frog. He “interrupted” DeNiro’s monologue VERY early, after DeNiro delivered only one line in this monologue. Probably a good thing DeNiro got “interrupted” so early, considering what a disaster he always is on SNL, and considering how bad his solo monologue from his previous episode was.
— I appreciate the sweet idea behind this Christmas duet, but at the risk of sounding like a Scrooge, I’m not caring for the execution of it. Kermit singing a non-comedic Christmas duet with a stiff, un-charismatic Robert DeNiro is simply not entertaining to me. I really don’t understand why this monologue has been played in so many SNL Christmas compilation specials.
— Okay, I admit, a warm smile came across my face just now when DeNiro gave Kermit a sweet kiss on the face at the end of this.
STARS: **
WOOMBA
the automated feminine hygiene product enforces vaginal freshness
— Another female-oriented commercial starring the Fey/Dratch/Poehler/Rudolph group.
— Very funny concept for a Roomba parody.
— Boy, all the bright colors during Tina’s scene look HORRIBLY faded in my poor-quality copy of this episode (as seen in the third above screencap for this commercial).
— Oddly enough, that sound that the Woomba device makes whenever it travels across the floor sounds almost like it’s Amy making “Whoooooo” sounds.
— I like the twist on the “woman running through the woods in slow-motion” shot from the real Roomba commercial, by having Maya’s slow-motion running woman trying to escape the Woomba chasing her through the woods.
— Overall, in my opinion, this was probably the lesser of the trilogy of female-oriented commercials starring the Fey/Dratch/Poehler/Rudolph group (Kotex Classic, Mom Jeans, Woomba) by default, but that’s not knocking this, as this was still very solid.
STARS: ****
PRANKSTERS
(host) equates chainsaw dismemberment with wacky hijinks
— Ugh, really, SNL? You’re really bringing back this well-done favorite of mine (which was perfectly fine staying a one-and-done sketch) after TWO SEASONS, and with fucking Robert DeNiro, of all people, filling in the role played perfectly by the great Christopher Walken?!?
— Given his Nickelodeon past, Kenan is perfect as a guest in a goofy, cheesy, kid-friendly show like Pranksters.
— Okay, I admit, even though it’s just an imitation of Walken beating Chris to death with a tire iron in the first installment of this sketch, I still laughed out loud at DeNiro gruesomely chainsawing Chris to death in tonight’s installment.
— Why does Chris always get stuck playing the guy who gets violently pranked to death in these Pranksters sketches? I could rant about how this is yet another example of Chris never getting any respect at SNL, but whatever.
— DeNiro’s typical bad delivery suddenly rears its ugly head and starts to hamper this already-troublesome sketch. All of a sudden, halfway through this sketch, DeNiro’s fucking up EVERY LINE.
— This sketch has died off really badly after DeNiro’s prank video was shown, as the remainder of this sketch is just hitting the EXACT SAME beats the first Pranksters sketch hit after Walken’s prank video was shown. That just doesn’t work a second time.
STARS: **
TOMMY
oblivious (host) wonders why his gay-acting son (SEM) hasn’t yet married
— OH, GOD. Here comes our obligatory weekly season 30 sketch that relies on hacky gay-themed humor and unfunny gay stereotypes.
— Ugh, I’m two minutes into this sketch, and I’ve been finding this pretty insufferable.
— Okay, I finally got one laugh just now, from DeNiro’s mention of finding a VERY large ring in Seth’s room and innocently assuming it’s an engagement ring for Seth’s girlfriend. Chris’ knowing reaction to that is funny as well.
— I will say it’s at least progressive for 2004 SNL standards that DeNiro’s character is very accepting of his son’s alleged homosexuality when he has a sudden realization about him.
— Not sure how to feel about the ending of this sketch, with the reveal of Maya’s big penis-shaped finger.
— Overall, didn’t care for this sketch as a whole, but there have been (and will continue to be) worse gay-themed sketches this season.
STARS: **
PRINCE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL
host, Star Jones (KET), Al Reynolds (FIM)
— Meh. I’ve gotten tired of seeing this recurring sketch.
— You’d think they’re only doing this sketch tonight because the real Beyonce is at SNL and you’d assume SNL would have her appear in some form interacting with Maya’s impression of her, but she ends up being nowhere to be seen in this sketch. It would later be said that she kindly declined to appear in this sketch because she wanted to study Maya’s impression of her. That excuse makes very little sense to me. “Study Maya’s impression of her”? Blah, I say Beyonce just had no interest in appearing in this sketch and was too kind to flat-out tell SNL that.
— DeNiro playing himself in a Prince Show sketch seems SO lazy.
— Kenan In A Dress alert.
— (*groan*) Finesse plays a gay role for the SECOND consecutive sketch tonight.
— (*sigh*) I can’t even work up so much as a mere chuckle anymore at the played-out formula of this sketch. How many times are we supposed to laugh at Fred’s Prince doing some kind of side activity while staring at the camera with that exact same trademark Prince facial expression every time (as seen in the third and sixth above screencaps for this sketch)?
STARS: *½
TV FUNHOUSE
by RBS- on Christmas, Santa skips red states to bitch with liberal celebs
— Ah, our second Christmas TV Funhouse in the style of the classic Rankin/Bass “Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer” special. Always a treat to see Smigel’s spot-on spoofs of that.
— I got a big laugh from Santa’s blunt delivery to Rudolph of the line “Screw the red states!”
— Interesting idea to tie in this Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer spoof with the then-recent Bush/Kerry presidential election.
— A memorable and funny part with Santa bitterly naming the red states “Dumbf***istan”, which gets HUGE applause from SNL’s audience.
— Speaking of the audience, I remember an article coming out shortly after this episode’s original airing that, at one point, featured an account from someone who was in the audience for this episode and witnessed some nearby right-wing audience members being absolutely PISSED by this cartoon and proceeding to complain to each other about “fucking liberals”.
— Funny scene with Santa having dinner with left-wing celebrities, including SNL’s own Al Franken.
— I love the voices for the two little kids waiting for Santa.
— I just now noticed the detail of Rudolph having a blue nose instead of a red one, presumably because of Santa’s hatred of the red states. I missed that detail earlier in this cartoon.
— This ended on kind of a weak punchline, but I like the subsequent ending credits and post-ending credits scene.
— Overall, I enjoyed this cartoon a lot, even if I feel this doesn’t measure up to Smigel’s previous attempt at a spoof of the Rankin/Bass special (The Narrator That Ruined Christmas).
STARS: ****
TRUMP PROMO
Donald Trump (DAH) tapes a Christmas-themed promo for The Apprentice
— Our second Donald Trump promo shoot sketch of the season.
— Nice little continuity from the last Trump promo shoot sketch, by having Darrell’s Trump immediately insist on saying “One” himself when the director is counting down, which was a gag established in the last Trump promo sketch after Darrell’s Trump expressed confusion over why the director never said “one” during his countdown.
— A memorable part of this sketch, with Darrell’s Trump pronouncing Hanukkah as “Cha-noo-kuh-ha”.
— Seth is solid as the off-camera director. Without even being onscreen, Seth does a really good job of conveying his character’s obvious repressed impatience for Trump’s antics.
— Overall, these Trump Promo sketches this season continue to be a winner.
STARS: ****
MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest & Lil’ Wayne [real] perform “Soldier”
WEEKEND UPDATE
violent prayers of street preacher Leviticus (ROR) are off-putting
Abe Scheinwald doesn’t share grandson’s (SEM) yen for cinematic subtlety
— At least Tina seemed to be self-aware over how incredibly lame her Zell Miller joke was.
— Here comes what would end up being Rob Riggle’s only real claim to fame in his one season on SNL: his Leviticus character.
— Rob’s performance as this Leviticus character is hilarious, and he’s doing a spot-on caricature of typical preachers.
— Okay, I’m now starting to feel this Leviticus commentary is going on longer than it should. Too bad, because if they had kept it short, it would’ve been one of the biggest highlights of this episode.
— Rob would go on to try turning Leviticus into a recurring character a COUNTLESS number of times later this season, but it would always end up getting cut after dress rehearsal.
— Boy, Tina and Amy are BOTH unusually stumbly with a few of their jokes tonight.
— Kind of an interesting change of pace placing Rachel and Seth’s Abe and Brad Scheinwald characters on Update for once.
— Meh, it turns out that not even this new Update setting is adding any new life into this Scheinwald bit. The Scheinwald bit is officially old and tired.
STARS: **
ITALIAN STEREOTYPES
mole (HOS) clumsily employs Italian stereotypes to infiltrate the mafia
— Blah. This looks to be a typical bad Horatio Sanz ham-fest.
— I’m tired of the bit they keep repeating throughout this sketch where Horatio says “Fuhgettaboutit” and somebody responds “Forget about what?”
— One repeated bit throughout this sketch that’s kinda working for me is Fred always saying “There’s a lotta money in that.”
— Aaaaaaand there goes Horatio’s obligatory breaking, where he cracks up at himself. Fucking ugh.
— Geez, DeNiro’s “How am I funny?” Goodfellas reference was incredibly lazy and HORRIBLY executed.
— Weak twist towards the end involving Horatio’s hidden wire.
— Ooh, here’s one unscripted part of the sketch that I absolutely NEED to address. During Horatio and Seth’s conversation with each other towards the end of this sketch, Horatio AGAIN starts cracking up at himself and Seth can then be heard muttering under his breath an out-of-character “You blew it” to Horatio, then, while still staying out of character, Seth pretty much rolls his eyes at Horatio for the rest of this sketch, as if he is SO done with Horatio’s typical jackassery. While I definitely share Seth’s frustration towards Horatio’s jackassery, I still have to ask: what the fuck, Seth?!? Horatio’s constant breaking may be unprofessional, but dropping character, quietly calling Horatio out ON THE AIR for ruining a scene, openly looking almost disgusted at him, and flat-out giving up on the sketch is EVEN MORE unprofessional. Man, this season is such a mess. Seth’s actions here are Season 20 levels of unprofessionalism.
STARS: *½
MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Cater 2 U”
CHRISTMAS WITH THE CAT LADY
Christmas With The Cat Lady (host) comprises one-sided chats with felines
— What…the…hell?!?
— I’m a cat lover, but even *I* find this sketch tepid.
— Okay, I did get a laugh just now from DeNiro’s cat lady character’s story about how she ended up with so many cats, a story that simply involves her being kicked by a horse.
— Overall, aside from the above-mentioned highlight, I did not care for this.
— I will say that, as much as I didn’t care for this sketch, it went by surprisingly smoothly. Given the fact that it starred nobody but freakin’ Robert DeNiro and a whole bunch of cats, this could’ve easily gone awry.
STARS: **
BEAR CITY
by T. Sean Shannon- anthropomorphic ursines go caroling
— A new addition has been made to Bear City’s opening title sequence, in which we see two kids who we’re told by Fred Willard’s narration are the only two humans left, only for them to then get attacked by bears.
— The reveal of the Jewish bear family is hilarious and well-done.
— Overall, one of the funnier Bear Cities I’ve ever seen.
STARS: ****
SEASON’S GREETINGS
HOS & Muppets Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo, Animal perform happy Christmas ditty
— Unfortunately, my copy is missing the first 30 or so seconds of this, in which Horatio shows up onstage alone, ready to start the traditional I Wish It Was Christmas Today song, only for him to look around and sadly realize that none of his three cast mates who have always performed this song with him are on the show anymore. After Horatio gets depressed by this, The Muppets show up and ask Horatio if they can fill in his former cast mates’ spots in this song. My copy of this sketch picks up from this part of the sketch. I remember an online SNL fan back at this time in 2004 pointing out how sad and haunting it felt seeing a lone Horatio look around an empty stage and ask “Jimmy? Tracy? Kattan?”
— When The Muppets are playfully teasing Horatio for doing the same Christmas song three times every season, the SNL nerd in me absolutely LOVES Fozzie saying “Yeah, even Hans and Franz changed a few lines every once in a while.”
— I’m already always a sucker for the I Wish It Was Christmas Today bits, and this new twist with Horatio performing the song with The Muppets is a very charming blast. I absolutely love this.
— It’s amazing how likable Horatio can come off in stuff like this when he’s playing himself and just being natural and doing good-natured things, without any of his typical annoying self-amused hamminess, mugging, and constant breaking we’ve often been getting from him lately when he plays characters.
STARS: ****½
GOODNIGHTS
— Jesus Christ, DeNiro sounds even more low-energy than usual during his goodnights speech, and I didn’t think that was possible. He sounds outright DEPRESSED here. Such a buzzkill to see this immediately after that very fun piece with Horatio and The Muppets.
IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A pretty weak Christmas episode, making this a fitting end to what has undeniably been a disappointing and troublesome first half of the season. Much like Robert DeNiro’s previous episode, this episode actually had a pretty good number of strong highlights that were unfortunately far outnumbered by a large amount of flops. Robert DeNiro once again did a lousy job as a host, though I didn’t find him quite as consistently unlikable this time, and at least every sketch tonight wasn’t just “DeNiro plays a tough guy in a Peter Pan outfit/Santa outfit/car dealer outfit/etc.”, like SNL lazily did in DeNiro’s previous episode.
MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS
HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Colin Farrell)
about the same
My full set of screencaps for this episode is here
TOMORROW
We enter the year 2005, with host Topher Grace
