Tag: Robert DeNiro

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December 4, 2010 – Robert DeNiro / Diddy-Dirty Money (S36 E8)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

PRESIDENTIAL ADDRESS / WIKILEAKS: TMZ
Julian Assange’s (BIH) latest undiplomatic WikiLeaks are TMZ-style videos

— Ha! A Fredbama presidential address got cut off out of nowhere! The gods have answered my prayers.
— Good fake-out with this Obama cold opening suddenly turning out to be Julian Assange introducing his TMZ-style show. Clever concept, and this also ends up being the first of a very rare three-consecutive-episode running gag in which a sketch gets interrupted by Bill’s Julian Assange.
— A spot-on TMZ parody.
— Vanessa has become SNL’s latest Hillary Clinton impersonator.
— Hilarious how the Hillary Clinton crotch shot video turns out to be filmed by Jason’s Joe Biden.
— An overall pretty fun cold opening, and felt refreshingly different for a cold opening in this era.
STARS: ***½


MONOLOGUE
host’s henchmen bully audience members who point out his NYC inaccuracies

— A blah premise with Robert DeNiro comically listing off a whole bunch of inaccurate New York City facts. Maybe it would be funny if it wasn’t for DeNiro’s typical dull, halting, comedy-killing delivery. Doesn’t SNL later do a monologue with a very similar premise with Eli Manning the following season, or am I remembering wrong?
— Good to see SNL going back to using writers as fake audience members. That still doesn’t change the fact that this season is relying a little too heavily on audience interaction monologues.
— Yeah, this is becoming more and more of a chore to watch. DeNiro’s delivery is such DEATH.
— At least we get a funny gag with DeNiro’s henchmen handing an audience member a severed horse head.
STARS: **


THE ABACUS CONUNDRUM
Dan Brown-like author (host) hawks his latest book

 

— Some laughs from the ridiculous book titles.
— Nothing to say about the DeNiro portions of this commercial, though this is probably one of SNL’s better uses of him by default.
STARS: ***


WHAT UP WITH THAT?
Hollywood tribute has host & Robin Williams [real]

— DeNiro playing himself as a What Up With That guest?!? Did a special guest for this sketch back out at the last minute?
— Ah, at least Robin Williams is an exciting choice for a guest.
— Geez, DeNiro can’t even say “Hello, Deandre” on cue, without preceding it with an awkward long pause. He even butchered the pronunciation of Deandre. Keep bein’ on-brand, Robert.
— I do like the change of pace during the usual part where the drum beat is heard starting back up while the guest in the first seat is speaking seriously about something, with DeNiro actually calling that out, leading to tenseness between him and Kenan’s Deandre Cole.
— I have no memory of this Wiig/Brittain musical number.
— I don’t remember this part with Andy as Mothra either. I guess this is one of the less memorable installments of this recurring sketch.
— The escalation to the “Lindsey Buckingham reacts to getting bumped once again” running gag in these sketches continues to be solid. I especially like how this one ends with Kenan’s Deandre asking Bill’s Buckingham “You want some cake?”, and then when Buckingham excitedly nods his head, Deandre says “Well, I guess we shoulda got some.”
STARS: ***½


FROM THE GARDEN WITH MR. PRODUCE
Mr. Produce’s (host) insolent son (ANS) wants attention

— Oh, god. A sketch starting with DeNiro front-and-center, onstage by himself? This spells doom.
— Ugh, and as expected, DeNiro is butchering his lines, blatantly looking for his cues on the cue cards before doing certain actions, and generally killing any comedic potential of this sketch.
— At least we have occasional Andy Samberg walk-ons to save this.
— Did…did I seriously just hear DeNiro call Andy by his real name just now, instead of by his character’s name?!?
— Jesus Christ, even for DeNiro standards, he mangled the living hell out of that “You might be racking your brains out…” line. If it wasn’t for Andy’s occasional walk-ons, this sketch would be a fucking DISASTER.
— I do admit that the part right now with DeNiro furiously throwing fruit very stiffly at an off-camera Andy while speaking in a staccato manner in time to each throw has a “So bad, it’s good” quality.
— Funny line from an emotional Andy, during the mock-sentimental turn: “Maybe you should ask yourself…have you watered your son lately?”
— What a stupid ending. Made no sense and wasn’t funny.
STARS: *½


PARTY AT MR. BERNARD’S
movie plot echoes Weekend At Bernie’s

— A random but interesting Weekend At Bernie’s take-off. Spot-on casting of Bill in the Jonathan Silverman role, by the way.
— A good deconstruction of Weekend At Bernie’s’ plot, with a more realistic and dark turn this spoof takes when the party guests see the dead body.
STARS: ***½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Coming Home”


WEEKEND UPDATE
Kim (NAP), Khloe (ABE), Kourtney (VAB) Kardashian rescind endorsements

upside-down understudy (ANS) from Spider-Man musical can’t right himself

1980s aerobics instructor (KRW) aims to fight childhood obesity epidemic

— This is the first instance of Nasim, Abby, and Vanessa all appearing together as the Kardashians. Nasim’s Kim Kardashian impression made solo appearances the preceding season.
— I find it a little odd how Vanessa isn’t doing the nasal, goofy voice that Abby and Nasim are doing.
— I laughed at the low-pitched, very quiet “Booooooo” from an audience member in response to Seth’s Polish joke.
— When this episode originally aired, I remember I spent Andy’s entire commentary mistaking him for Taran. It wasn’t until I rewatched this episode the following day that I realized it was Andy. I guess the cause of that confusion was a combination of Andy being upside-down the entire time (which I guess made it a little hard to make out his face) and me not being too familiar with then-newbie Taran’s face yet.
— I like the return of Seth’s occasional routine of doing one joke several times in a row with a different punchline each time, this time on the topic of a man marrying his dog.
— “Janet Judytran”?
— Kristen doin’ those future Triangle Sally hip moves, I see.
— What the heck is the point of this Wiig commentary? It’s going absolutely nowhere.
— SNL sure loves doing that gag where a performer uses a fake leg prop when stretching their leg upwards. Didn’t care for it in this particular instance.
STARS: ***


LITTLE FOCKERS
on the set of Little Fockers, everything but host wows Keith; BES cameo

— A random return of Bobby’s “It’s okaaaaayyyyyy?” little boy character, Keith, from a one-off sketch two seasons prior.
— Nasim takes over the role of Keith’s mother that Michaela Watkins played last time. It’s one thing to recast a departed cast member’s unspecific role like Will Forte’s announcer character from What Up With That, but I find it a bit much that they would recast the specific role of the Keith character’s mother, even though the character had only appeared once prior to this. Couldn’t SNL have just had Keith with his father in tonight’s sketch instead of recasting the role of his mother? [ADDENDUM: Scratch all of that. According to commenter Michael Cheyne in the comments section of this review, I didn’t catch a line early on in this sketch where Nasim’s character referred to Keith as her nephew. I went back to the sketch to check, and Michael Cheyne is correct. My apologies.]
— Meh, this sketch is using the exact same main joke from the first installment of this sketch.
— Okay, this installment has now actually taken a different and solid turn, with Keith’s biting comments towards DeNiro.
— Ben Stiller cameo. So I take it this is sometime after he and Lorne finally made up after the nasty drama with Ben dropping out from hosting SNL due to 9/11.
STARS: ***½


BLIZZARD MAN
Blizzard Man & his mother (host) join Sean Combs [real] in the studio

— I completely forgot about this recurring sketch by this point, given how long it had been since this sketch’s last appearance prior to this. This also ends up being the final appearance this sketch makes during Andy’s tenure as a cast member.
— There goes Kenan’s technician character once again acting like he’s never met Blizzard Man and doesn’t know he’s a shitty rapper, despite having gone through this in every single previous installment of this sketch.
— Was it necessary to repeat the bit from a previous installment of this sketch where Jason’s agent character says “Now you’re speakin’ my language!” in a corny upbeat manner?
— Even with the two-year hiatus this sketch had taken prior to tonight’s episode, this installment still has kind of a tired, tepid, been-there-done-that feel.
— Blizzard Man’s bad raps are at least still providing some chuckles, and continue to be strangely catchy.
— OH NO. DeNiro entering in fucking drag??? This sketch has gone from tepid to worse.
— Ugh, now we have to hear a whole bunch of sexual implications between Diddy and DeNiro’s drag character, and see DeNiro grinding his ass on Diddy’s crotch? Christ.
STARS: **


LA RIVISTA DELLA TELEVISIONE CON VINNY VEDECCI
Vinny Vedecci revisits host’s famous roles

— Not only is this the third consecutive recurring sketch tonight, but it’s the third consecutive one that’s making its final appearance (not counting the Blizzard Man sketch that appears when Andy hosts in season 39). Tonight’s episode seems to be where recurring sketches go to die.
— (*sigh*) Cue the beyond-tired “interviewee says they don’t speak Italian, leading to an argument between Vinny Vedecci and Fred’s character” routine that this sketch always begins with. That’s one part of this otherwise fun recurring sketch that I will not miss.
— Hoo, boy. I mildly griped earlier about Nasim replacing Michaela Watkins as Bobby’s mom in the Keith sketch, but having Paul Brittain replace Will Forte’s silent spaghetti-eating producer character in these Vinny Vedecci sketches is far more irksome to me.
— Very funny announcement from Vinny Vedecci that “the deer from Deer Hunter is here!”
— I love DeNiro throwing a pencil into the neck of the guy in the deer costume.
— Good part with a “Technicale Difficulto!” screen showing up when they’re checking up on the stabbed guy in the deer costume.
— Great trick Vinny Vedecci does to make DeNiro say his famous “You talkin’ to me?” Taxi Driver line, after he flat-out refused to say it when Vedecci requested it.
STARS: ****


BOSLEY HAIR RESTORATION
Rerun from 9/25/10


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest & Swizz Beatz [real] perform “Ass on the Floor”


IT’S A LIVING
in a bar, (host) is the guy (ANS) & (JAS) have to screw to get a drink

— I like the “Aww, man, this is gonna suck!” line from Andy, after thinking it over upon finding out he has to screw DeNiro’s character to get a drink. Jason’s reaction to that line of Andy’s is also funny.
— A good laugh from Andy’s positive “He kinda looks like Gandalf!” line when defending his choice to screw DeNiro’s character.
— Great delivery of “Dammit. DAMMIT!” from Jason when realizing he, like Andy, is going to give in to the option of screwing DeNiro’s character.
— Andy and Jason’s performances and aforementioned funny lines are all making this cheap homoerotic premise come off better than it normally would.
— I’m iffy on that ending with Ben Stiller.
STARS: ***


AMERICAN AMERICA PRESENTS: I, HIPPIE WITH DANA CARVEY
by FRW- child of the ’60s (DAC) now works the counter at Burger King

— The second and final aired cartoon of this short-lived Fred Wolf-made American America series. I had mis-remembered this one airing in the second half of this season.
— Feels so welcome hearing Dana Carvey’s voice on SNL again.
— Wow, that twist ending with the Carvey-voiced hippie turning out to be a fast-food cashier was lame and hacky as FUCK. That punchline was absolutely not worth that lead-up, and was such a waste of Dana.
STARS: *


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— By default, the best of the three Robert DeNiro-hosted episodes. (Faint praise, I know.) Even though I had a number of issues with this episode (most of those issues unsurprisingly being related to DeNiro’s typically horrible hosting job), and only one sketch stood out to me as particularly strong, this episode had a higher number of good sketches than either of DeNiro’s preceding two SNL episodes had, and the general feel of this episode seemed smoother than his other two episodes. Thank God this ends up being his final hosting stint (as of 2020), though.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


RATED SEGMENTS RANKED FROM BEST TO WORST
La Rivista Della Televisione con Vinny Vedecci
What Up With That?
Presidential Address / Wikileaks: TMZ
Party At Mr. Bernard’s
Little Fockers
The Abacus Conundrum
It’s A Living
Weekend Update
Blizzard Man
Monologue
From The Garden with Mr. Produce
American America Presents: I, Hippie with Dana Carvey


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Anne Hathaway)
a slight step down


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Paul Rudd / Paul McCartney

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December 18, 2004 – Robert DeNiro / Destiny’s Child (S30 E8)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

PENTAGON PRESS BRIEFING
Craig Fenson reads more naughty-sounding names of suspected terrorists

— Third cold opening in a row with Darrell’s Donald Rumsfeld impression.
— A reprise of the dirty terrorist names bit with Robert DeNiro’s Craig Fenson character. This bit was surprisingly great the first time, but I’m wary on whether this will hold up in a second installment. This seems better left as a one-off, especially given how overly reliant this era has become on dirty wordplay humor after DeNiro’s previous hosting stint. (Hell, we got a dirty wordplay bit just ONE EPISODE AGO, with Colin Farrell’s Weekend Update commentary about Alexander The Great.)
— (*sigh*) DeNiro ALREADY screws up a line, early on in his appearance here.
— I’m two-and-a-half minutes into this, and just as I was afraid, this dirty terrorist names routine does NOT hold up in a second sketch. I’m still getting a few laughs, but tonight’s names are coming off tepid compared to the LOL-worthy names from the first installment of this. It doesn’t help that some of tonight’s dirty names are such old cliches that have been around for ages.
— Just now, DeNiro’s character discloses the fact that the he received his next bit of info from a radio DJ named Dirty Dan The Garbage Man and his morning crew. That’s actually a very random meta reference to a character played by Ben Affleck in a Z105 sketch from the episode Affleck hosted the preceding season.
— For the second episode in a row, we get a bad technical error in the cold opening. This time, a few seconds before DeNiro says “Live from New York…”, we get an accidental cutaway to a screen of SNL’s logo from the season 29 opening montage, with a Christmas wreath added onto the logo (screencap below).

STARS: **


MONOLOGUE
host & Kermit The Frog (Steve Whitmire)- “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas”

— Wow, Kermit The Frog. He “interrupted” DeNiro’s monologue VERY early, after DeNiro delivered only one line in this monologue. Probably a good thing DeNiro got “interrupted” so early, considering what a disaster he always is on SNL, and considering how bad his solo monologue from his previous episode was.
— I appreciate the sweet idea behind this Christmas duet, but at the risk of sounding like a Scrooge, I’m not caring for the execution of it. Kermit singing a non-comedic Christmas duet with a stiff, un-charismatic Robert DeNiro is simply not entertaining to me. I really don’t understand why this monologue has been played in so many SNL Christmas compilation specials.
— Okay, I admit, a warm smile came across my face just now when DeNiro gave Kermit a sweet kiss on the face at the end of this.
STARS: **


WOOMBA
the automated feminine hygiene product enforces vaginal freshness

— Another female-oriented commercial starring the Fey/Dratch/Poehler/Rudolph group.
— Very funny concept for a Roomba parody.
— Boy, all the bright colors during Tina’s scene look HORRIBLY faded in my poor-quality copy of this episode (as seen in the third above screencap for this commercial).
— Oddly enough, that sound that the Woomba device makes whenever it travels across the floor sounds almost like it’s Amy making “Whoooooo” sounds.
— I like the twist on the “woman running through the woods in slow-motion” shot from the real Roomba commercial, by having Maya’s slow-motion running woman trying to escape the Woomba chasing her through the woods.
— Overall, in my opinion, this was probably the lesser of the trilogy of female-oriented commercials starring the Fey/Dratch/Poehler/Rudolph group (Kotex Classic, Mom Jeans, Woomba) by default, but that’s not knocking this, as this was still very solid.
STARS: ****


PRANKSTERS
(host) equates chainsaw dismemberment with wacky hijinks

— Ugh, really, SNL? You’re really bringing back this well-done favorite of mine (which was perfectly fine staying a one-and-done sketch) after TWO SEASONS, and with fucking Robert DeNiro, of all people, filling in the role played perfectly by the great Christopher Walken?!?
— Given his Nickelodeon past, Kenan is perfect as a guest in a goofy, cheesy, kid-friendly show like Pranksters.
— Okay, I admit, even though it’s just an imitation of Walken beating Chris to death with a tire iron in the first installment of this sketch, I still laughed out loud at DeNiro gruesomely chainsawing Chris to death in tonight’s installment.
— Why does Chris always get stuck playing the guy who gets violently pranked to death in these Pranksters sketches? I could rant about how this is yet another example of Chris never getting any respect at SNL, but whatever.
— DeNiro’s typical bad delivery suddenly rears its ugly head and starts to hamper this already-troublesome sketch. All of a sudden, halfway through this sketch, DeNiro’s fucking up EVERY LINE.
— This sketch has died off really badly after DeNiro’s prank video was shown, as the remainder of this sketch is just hitting the EXACT SAME beats the first Pranksters sketch hit after Walken’s prank video was shown. That just doesn’t work a second time.
STARS: **


TOMMY
oblivious (host) wonders why his gay-acting son (SEM) hasn’t yet married

— OH, GOD. Here comes our obligatory weekly season 30 sketch that relies on hacky gay-themed humor and unfunny gay stereotypes.
— Ugh, I’m two minutes into this sketch, and I’ve been finding this pretty insufferable.
— Okay, I finally got one laugh just now, from DeNiro’s mention of finding a VERY large ring in Seth’s room and innocently assuming it’s an engagement ring for Seth’s girlfriend. Chris’ knowing reaction to that is funny as well.
— I will say it’s at least progressive for 2004 SNL standards that DeNiro’s character is very accepting of his son’s alleged homosexuality when he has a sudden realization about him.
— Not sure how to feel about the ending of this sketch, with the reveal of Maya’s big penis-shaped finger.
— Overall, didn’t care for this sketch as a whole, but there have been (and will continue to be) worse gay-themed sketches this season.
STARS: **


PRINCE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL
host, Star Jones (KET), Al Reynolds (FIM)

— Meh. I’ve gotten tired of seeing this recurring sketch.
— You’d think they’re only doing this sketch tonight because the real Beyonce is at SNL and you’d assume SNL would have her appear in some form interacting with Maya’s impression of her, but she ends up being nowhere to be seen in this sketch. It would later be said that she kindly declined to appear in this sketch because she wanted to study Maya’s impression of her. That excuse makes very little sense to me. “Study Maya’s impression of her”? Blah, I say Beyonce just had no interest in appearing in this sketch and was too kind to flat-out tell SNL that.
— DeNiro playing himself in a Prince Show sketch seems SO lazy.
— Kenan In A Dress alert.
— (*groan*) Finesse plays a gay role for the SECOND consecutive sketch tonight.
— (*sigh*) I can’t even work up so much as a mere chuckle anymore at the played-out formula of this sketch. How many times are we supposed to laugh at Fred’s Prince doing some kind of side activity while staring at the camera with that exact same trademark Prince facial expression every time (as seen in the third and sixth above screencaps for this sketch)?
STARS: *½


TV FUNHOUSE
by RBS- on Christmas, Santa skips red states to bitch with liberal celebs

— Ah, our second Christmas TV Funhouse in the style of the classic Rankin/Bass “Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer” special. Always a treat to see Smigel’s spot-on spoofs of that.
— I got a big laugh from Santa’s blunt delivery to Rudolph of the line “Screw the red states!”
— Interesting idea to tie in this Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer spoof with the then-recent Bush/Kerry presidential election.
— A memorable and funny part with Santa bitterly naming the red states “Dumbf***istan”, which gets HUGE applause from SNL’s audience.
— Speaking of the audience, I remember an article coming out shortly after this episode’s original airing that, at one point, featured an account from someone who was in the audience for this episode and witnessed some nearby right-wing audience members being absolutely PISSED by this cartoon and proceeding to complain to each other about “fucking liberals”.
— Funny scene with Santa having dinner with left-wing celebrities, including SNL’s own Al Franken.
— I love the voices for the two little kids waiting for Santa.
— I just now noticed the detail of Rudolph having a blue nose instead of a red one, presumably because of Santa’s hatred of the red states. I missed that detail earlier in this cartoon.
— This ended on kind of a weak punchline, but I like the subsequent ending credits and post-ending credits scene.
— Overall, I enjoyed this cartoon a lot, even if I feel this doesn’t measure up to Smigel’s previous attempt at a spoof of the Rankin/Bass special (The Narrator That Ruined Christmas).
STARS: ****


TRUMP PROMO
Donald Trump (DAH) tapes a Christmas-themed promo for The Apprentice

— Our second Donald Trump promo shoot sketch of the season.
— Nice little continuity from the last Trump promo shoot sketch, by having Darrell’s Trump immediately insist on saying “One” himself when the director is counting down, which was a gag established in the last Trump promo sketch after Darrell’s Trump expressed confusion over why the director never said “one” during his countdown.
— A memorable part of this sketch, with Darrell’s Trump pronouncing Hanukkah as “Cha-noo-kuh-ha”.
— Seth is solid as the off-camera director. Without even being onscreen, Seth does a really good job of conveying his character’s obvious repressed impatience for Trump’s antics.
— Overall, these Trump Promo sketches this season continue to be a winner.
STARS: ****


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest & Lil’ Wayne [real] perform “Soldier”


WEEKEND UPDATE
violent prayers of street preacher Leviticus (ROR) are off-putting

Abe Scheinwald doesn’t share grandson’s (SEM) yen for cinematic subtlety

— At least Tina seemed to be self-aware over how incredibly lame her Zell Miller joke was.
— Here comes what would end up being Rob Riggle’s only real claim to fame in his one season on SNL: his Leviticus character.
— Rob’s performance as this Leviticus character is hilarious, and he’s doing a spot-on caricature of typical preachers.
— Okay, I’m now starting to feel this Leviticus commentary is going on longer than it should. Too bad, because if they had kept it short, it would’ve been one of the biggest highlights of this episode.
— Rob would go on to try turning Leviticus into a recurring character a COUNTLESS number of times later this season, but it would always end up getting cut after dress rehearsal.
— Boy, Tina and Amy are BOTH unusually stumbly with a few of their jokes tonight.
— Kind of an interesting change of pace placing Rachel and Seth’s Abe and Brad Scheinwald characters on Update for once.
— Meh, it turns out that not even this new Update setting is adding any new life into this Scheinwald bit. The Scheinwald bit is officially old and tired.
STARS: **


ITALIAN STEREOTYPES
mole (HOS) clumsily employs Italian stereotypes to infiltrate the mafia

— Blah. This looks to be a typical bad Horatio Sanz ham-fest.
— I’m tired of the bit they keep repeating throughout this sketch where Horatio says “Fuhgettaboutit” and somebody responds “Forget about what?”
— One repeated bit throughout this sketch that’s kinda working for me is Fred always saying “There’s a lotta money in that.”
— Aaaaaaand there goes Horatio’s obligatory breaking, where he cracks up at himself. Fucking ugh.
— Geez, DeNiro’s “How am I funny?” Goodfellas reference was incredibly lazy and HORRIBLY executed.
— Weak twist towards the end involving Horatio’s hidden wire.
— Ooh, here’s one unscripted part of the sketch that I absolutely NEED to address. During Horatio and Seth’s conversation with each other towards the end of this sketch, Horatio AGAIN starts cracking up at himself and Seth can then be heard muttering under his breath an out-of-character “You blew it” to Horatio, then, while still staying out of character, Seth pretty much rolls his eyes at Horatio for the rest of this sketch, as if he is SO done with Horatio’s typical jackassery. While I definitely share Seth’s frustration towards Horatio’s jackassery, I still have to ask: what the fuck, Seth?!? Horatio’s constant breaking may be unprofessional, but dropping character, quietly calling Horatio out ON THE AIR for ruining a scene, openly looking almost disgusted at him, and flat-out giving up on the sketch is EVEN MORE unprofessional. Man, this season is such a mess. Seth’s actions here are Season 20 levels of unprofessionalism.
STARS: *½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Cater 2 U”


CHRISTMAS WITH THE CAT LADY
Christmas With The Cat Lady (host) comprises one-sided chats with felines

— What…the…hell?!?
— I’m a cat lover, but even *I* find this sketch tepid.
— Okay, I did get a laugh just now from DeNiro’s cat lady character’s story about how she ended up with so many cats, a story that simply involves her being kicked by a horse.
— Overall, aside from the above-mentioned highlight, I did not care for this.
— I will say that, as much as I didn’t care for this sketch, it went by surprisingly smoothly. Given the fact that it starred nobody but freakin’ Robert DeNiro and a whole bunch of cats, this could’ve easily gone awry.
STARS: **


BEAR CITY
by T. Sean Shannon- anthropomorphic ursines go caroling

— A new addition has been made to Bear City’s opening title sequence, in which we see two kids who we’re told by Fred Willard’s narration are the only two humans left, only for them to then get attacked by bears.
— The reveal of the Jewish bear family is hilarious and well-done.
— Overall, one of the funnier Bear Cities I’ve ever seen.
STARS: ****


SEASON’S GREETINGS
HOS & Muppets Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo, Animal perform happy Christmas ditty

— Unfortunately, my copy is missing the first 30 or so seconds of this, in which Horatio shows up onstage alone, ready to start the traditional I Wish It Was Christmas Today song, only for him to look around and sadly realize that none of his three cast mates who have always performed this song with him are on the show anymore. After Horatio gets depressed by this, The Muppets show up and ask Horatio if they can fill in his former cast mates’ spots in this song. My copy of this sketch picks up from this part of the sketch. I remember an online SNL fan back at this time in 2004 pointing out how sad and haunting it felt seeing a lone Horatio look around an empty stage and ask “Jimmy? Tracy? Kattan?”
— When The Muppets are playfully teasing Horatio for doing the same Christmas song three times every season, the SNL nerd in me absolutely LOVES Fozzie saying “Yeah, even Hans and Franz changed a few lines every once in a while.”
— I’m already always a sucker for the I Wish It Was Christmas Today bits, and this new twist with Horatio performing the song with The Muppets is a very charming blast. I absolutely love this.
— It’s amazing how likable Horatio can come off in stuff like this when he’s playing himself and just being natural and doing good-natured things, without any of his typical annoying self-amused hamminess, mugging, and constant breaking we’ve often been getting from him lately when he plays characters.
STARS: ****½


GOODNIGHTS

— Jesus Christ, DeNiro sounds even more low-energy than usual during his goodnights speech, and I didn’t think that was possible. He sounds outright DEPRESSED here. Such a buzzkill to see this immediately after that very fun piece with Horatio and The Muppets.

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A pretty weak Christmas episode, making this a fitting end to what has undeniably been a disappointing and troublesome first half of the season. Much like Robert DeNiro’s previous episode, this episode actually had a pretty good number of strong highlights that were unfortunately far outnumbered by a large amount of flops. Robert DeNiro once again did a lousy job as a host, though I didn’t find him quite as consistently unlikable this time, and at least every sketch tonight wasn’t just “DeNiro plays a tough guy in a Peter Pan outfit/Santa outfit/car dealer outfit/etc.”, like SNL lazily did in DeNiro’s previous episode.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Colin Farrell)
about the same


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
We enter the year 2005, with host Topher Grace

Posted on

December 7, 2002 – Robert DeNiro / Norah Jones (S28 E7)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

HOMELAND SECURITY BRIEFING
Craig Fenson (host) reads naughty-sounding names of suspected terrorists

— Darrell’s Tom Ridge bit at the beginning of this is just continuing the joke of his appearance from the preceding season, using odd color choices for terror alerts.
— A huge laugh from the first terrorist name: M’Balz Es-Hari.
— This plethora of immature terrorist names has me practically on the floor. I cannot stop laughing. This is an example of SNL pulling off sophomoric humor the right way.
— The pictures of the cast members as terrorists are cracking me up and are making some of these dirty names even funnier.
— Some good wordplay about some of these dirty-named terrorists, such as Robert DeNiro telling us that I-Zheet M’Drurz “left skidmarks when fleeing the scene of his last attack”.
— I remember at the time, it was a novelty seeing someone of Robert DeNiro’s stature doing dick and fart jokes in this cold opening. Unfortunately, that novelty is LONG gone nowadays, with DeNiro semi-regularly doing low-brow horseshit like Dirty Grandpa. However, this cold opening still holds up as very funny.
— I’m glad this cold opening ended at the right time, before the joke got too old.
STARS: ****


MONOLOGUE
(no synopsis available)

— Very stilted and awkward delivery from DeNiro, and he looks like it’s a chore for him to be hosting.
— Boy, that “punchline” at the end was awful, and received very light and uncomfortable chuckles from the audience.
— And that’s the end??? This monologue was NOTHING. Normally, I’d give credit to SNL for doing a real monologue in an era where real monologues were becoming increasingly rare. But… again, this monologue was NOTHING. All it did was set the tone for the rough episode we’re in for tonight.
— Reminiscent of another terrible SNL host, Steven Seagal, DeNiro begins walking offstage before he’s even completely finished with his “Norah Jones is here, so stick around, we’ll be right back” tagline.
STARS: *


BIG’N TASTY
disclaimers give potential risks associated with McDonald’s Big N’ Tasty

— The Jim Downey-read sardonic disclaimers about the Big N’ Tasty are very funny, made even funnier by Downey’s reliable dry voice-over.
— Great disclaimer about children and morons being valued McDonald’s customers.
— I’m getting a slight bit of a Happy Fun Ball vibe from some of these disclaimers, though this commercial has much more of a sneering tone, as opposed to Happy Fun Ball’s more absurdist tone.
— I absolutely love the “The Big N’ Tasty is not God” disclaimer, which is pretty much to this commercial what “Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball” is to Happy Fun Ball.
STARS: ****


JEFFERSON’S SLAVE
Thomas Jefferson (host) puts the moves on his slave Sally Hemings (MAR)

— (*sigh*) Right out of the gate at the beginning of this, the lead off-sketch of the night, DeNiro IMMEDIATELY fucks up his first line, a line that was supposed to be a big laugh-getter. Boy, this is gonna be a LONG episode, isn’t it?
— Some good reality subtext in this sketch, digging at DeNiro’s real-life reputation for having a preference for black women.
— I got a good laugh from DeNiro’s Thomas Jefferson asking Maya’s Sally Hemmings to call him “T.J.”.
— A lot of pretty funny exchanges between Jefferson and Hemmings. One particularly strong one is “Have you ever thought about being a singer?” “Um, it’s really not an option for me.”
— Funny turn at the end with Tracy as the narrator.
STARS: ***½


PETER PAN REHEARSAL
gruff theater veteran (host) assumes titular role in Peter Pan production

— Yawn. DeNiro playing a tough New Yorker in tights. I can already tell THIS is gonna be a thin sketch.
— It’s now about a minute-and-a-half later, and yep, so much tired, cliched, lazy humor here.
— Okay, I actually got a big laugh just now from DeNiro’s dirty line towards Amy about “going downtown so long, you won’t ever need to wax again.”
— Horrible delivery from DeNiro on his line about having a three-way with an IHOP waitress and her mom.
STARS: *½


MALL SANTA
frustrated mall Santa (host) argues with his helper elf girlfriend (MAR)

— Yawn. DeNiro playing a tough New Yorker in a Santa costume. And, again, so much tired, cliched, lazy humor throughout this sketch.
— Maya and DeNiro being coupled together in a second sketch tonight makes me remember that some online SNL fans at the time tried to start a rumor that DeNiro and Maya had something going on behind the scenes, given DeNiro’s aforementioned preference for black women.
— I think the little boy in this sketch is one of the twins who appeared a year earlier in another Christmas-related mall sketch: the Sears Photographers sketch from the Hugh Jackman episode (a side-by-side comparison below).

— DeNiro is extremely glued to those cue cards, which reminds me that SNL would later show the dress rehearsal version of this sketch in reruns, in which, at one point, DeNiro has SO MUCH trouble reading one particular word off of the cue card that he just gives up and literally says “Whatever that is” and waves off the cue card. Jesus Christ.
— I finally got a laugh from this sketch, with Rachel panickedly telling the little boy “Run, Zach, run!”
— A second laugh, this time from Parnell’s delivery of “Your loss. Nice meeting you” to Maya and DeNiro right before walking away from them, after offering them a great deal. It’s a shame that my only two laughs in this entire sketch are from two cast members who are only playing a side role here.
STARS: *½


U.N. WEAPONS INSPECTORS
U.N. Weapons Inspectors’ (JIF) & (host) cursory search comes up empty

— (After a lengthy set-up) Weapons Inspector: “You got weapons?” Iraqi: “……..No.” Weapons Inspector: “Okay.” (*END OF SKETCH*) Hilarious. Even just the shifty-eyed look on Fred’s face as the Iraqi added to the humor.
— I think whoever wrote this sketch was once quoted somewhere as saying they’re glad this sketch was pre-taped, so DeNiro couldn’t fuck it up.
STARS: ****


JUDGE HORACE
(host) sues girlfriend (HOS) for not losing weight

— The opening intro sequence with Tracy’s Judge Horace is freakin’ hilarious . There are a lot of funny aspects in it, but even just Tracy’s mere delivery alone is killing me.
— A funny line from the voice-over describing Horatio’s female character as “suffering from the Elephant Man disease and having a slight marijuana problem.”
— DeNiro playing a character named Joe Blow? Where’s Colin Quinn when you need him?
— (*sigh*) There goes DeNiro fucking up lines once again.
— A laugh from Tracy’s Judge Horace asking Will as his bailiff to roll him a blunt.
— The premise of Tracy playing a very Tracy Morgan-esque judge is very promising, but ehhh, the actual sketch is turning out to be a bit on the blah side, despite occasional laughs.
— I love Will’s straitlaced delivery of “Sir, your blunt is ready” when returning with Judge Horace’s blunt.
STARS: **½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Don’t Know Why”


WEEKEND UPDATE
Whitney Houston (MAR) & Bobby Brown (TRM) explain their drug use

Marty (CHK) & Sylvia (RAD) Feinblatt are sick about their vacation cruise

— Some fairly lukewarm laughter from the audience in response to a lot of Jimmy and Tina’s jokes so far tonight.
— The debut of Maya’s Whitney Houston impression.
— The ending of the Whitney/Bobby commentary, with the visual gag of Tracy-as-Bobby-Brown’s hair flop-sweating, was worth a laugh, as was Maya’s Whitney then saying “Bobby needs his weed!” The rest of their commentary was nothing special at all.
— Pretty funny how Jimmy does a joke about Phish the week before they’re musical guests on SNL, which Jimmy lampshades by following his joke with “See ya next week, Trey.”
— Jimmy does another Norm Macdonald-esque joke and subsequent deadpan staredown of the camera this season, this time with his Sopranos joke. What was with Tina’s horrible ad-lib afterwards, though?
— Rachel and Kattan play a convincing stereotypical old Jewish couple, but boy, am I bored during this commentary of theirs. Not a single laugh from me so far.
— A very lame and desperate punchline to Rachel and Kattan’s commentary, with them spitting out fake vomit.
— For the first in quite a long time, Jimmy doesn’t throw his pencil towards the camera at the end of Update after signing off. He instead just carefully places the pencil on the Update desk. This reminds me that we’ll soon be getting a recurring gag at the end of the Updates from the second half of this season, involving Jimmy’s pencil and SNL writer Eric Slovin.
— This is the second consecutive Update in which I disliked all the guest commentaries. Come to think of it, I also disliked the sole guest commentary in the Update before that (Seth Meyers), as well as all the guest commentaries in the Update before THAT (Gene Shalit, Baby K). My God, when was the last Update that had a guest commentary that I actually liked? Was it the Update that had Tim Calhoun’s great debut, way back in the John McCain episode from October? If so, damn, Update has taken such a drop in quality this season that even the guest commentaries are going down the toilet.
STARS: **


A VERY VERSACE CHANUKAH
Siegfried (Harvey Keitel) & Roy (host)

— It feels like Maya’s been getting tons of airtime tonight.
— I keep expecting Maya’s Versace impression to get to the point where it’s become officially played-out and unfunny, but nope, it’s still working for me thus far, even though her impression has gotten toned down these last two appearances, and I prefer the more animated, wackier version of this Versace impression that Maya did in the preceding season’s Hugh Jackman episode.
— A decent appearance from Horatio and Amy’s Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne impressions.
— Maya’s marshmallow didn’t light on fire like it was supposed to, yet she’s acting like it did, which looks just plain silly.
— That’s not Dean playing the buff, shirtless Santa, is it? If so, it’s his only appearance in this entire episode. Until doing this review just now, I had always thought he made no appearances in this episode.
— Okay, I can now see that that’s not Dean as the buff, shirtless Santa. So that makes this the THIRD episode this season that Dean is completely absent in, and we’re not even halfway through the season yet! Jesus Christ. I ask once again, how in the hell did this guy get a second season on SNL? He went from being a glorified extra in his first season to now being someone who’s lucky if he even gets to APPEAR in the show any given week.
— At least DeNiro is finally playing against type, for the first time all night.
— Harvey Keitel cameo. (I remember some online SNL fan at the time mistook Keitel in this sketch for James Caan, which is hilarious to me.) While I’m not exactly laughing much at him playing Siegfried to DeNiro’s Roy, I do like seeing Keitel on SNL again, especially considering how much I love his SNL episode from season 18.
STARS: **½


SLAPPING SALESMAN
car salesman (host) slaps customer (SEM) to get him to buy options

— Yawn. DeNiro playing a tough New Yorker in a car salesman suit.
— This time, the laziness of the writing for these tedious “DeNiro plays a tough New Yorker” sketches has reached a new low, as this is an EXTREMELY weak one-joke premise. Even the audience has stopped laughing at all the slapping pretty early into this sketch. Not a good sign.
— Seth’s delivery of “Stay in the car, Paige!!” ALMOST induced a chuckle from me. I’m just desperate for something to laugh at in this awful sketch by this point.
STARS: *


BEDTIME STORY
divorced dad (host) uses bedtime story to badmouth ex-wife to son (CHK)

— (*sigh*) Right at top of the sketch, DeNiro mistakenly jumps ahead of the script by responding “Me too, buddy” BEFORE Kattan says the line that DeNiro’s supposed to say “Me too, buddy” in response to.
— Some funny dark turns in DeNiro’s bedtime story to Kattan. If only DeNiro could deliver A SINGLE DAMN LINE without tripping over his words.
— This sketch is getting better and better as it goes along. I love the particularly dark turn in the story just now, with DeNiro’s detailing Kattan’s mother running over the magic squirrel in the story, leading to the squirrel screaming things like “She crushed my spine!” and “The only joy she gets is from other people’s pain!” This is great, and has a very “Mr. Mike’s Least-Loved Bedtime Tales” vibe to it. The silly voice DeNiro’s using for the crushed squirrel is also very funny.
STARS: ****


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Come Away With Me”


RADIOACTIVE BEAR
countermeasures aimed at a giant radioactive bear just make things worse

— I’m loving the increasing absurdity in the military’s harebrained ideas of how to stop the first radioactive bear, and how their ideas are just making the bear attacks worse and worse.
— I howled at the reveal of the enlarged hunter (Will Forte) being useless against the giant radioactive bears because his gun still stayed the same size from before he got enlarged. Also a great visual afterwards of the hunter getting his arm yanked off by one of the bears and then getting beaten with it.
— A priceless reaction from Will when realizing the Viagra-induced horny bear is lustfully coming for him.
— This is the second sketch in two years that features a cast member named Will getting sodomized by an animal. Unlike the preceding season’s Christmas Kangaroo sketch, the sodomizing in this Radioactive Bear sketch doesn’t have any homophobic implications that might bother some people.
— During the sodomizing scene, I laughed so much at Parnell’s somewhat-deadpan “Yep, there’s the money shot” line.
— Hilarious bit with the military’s poisoned giant sandwich plan backfiring, when Will eats the poisoned giant sandwich that was intended for the bears. This is made even funnier by DeNiro’s “Not you, dummy! Leave the sandwich alooone! It’s not goooood!” and Parnell’s great delivery of “Well, after the beating and the sex, I guess he was hungry.” Man, this sketch is absolutely slaying me.
— The ending of this sketch gets cut off prematurely, due to the show running long. Is it safe to say that DeNiro’s stilted line deliveries and constant flubs all throughout the show are what caused the show to run long?
— The bears in this sketch were played by Jeff and Fred (the latter making his ONLY live appearance of the night), which you sure couldn’t tell from watching the sketch. I find it odd that SNL would use cast members in a role like that, where you can’t even see their faces, hear their voices, or have any other possible way of identifying them. I guess this is something SNL occasionally does with featured players, though. (For example, did you know that in Amy’s famous Sarah Palin rap on Weekend Update in a season 34 episode, the guy in the moose costume who Amy shoots with her finger is then-new featured player Bobby Moynihan?)
STARS: ****½


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A disappointing episode. This did have its share of strong highlights, though, especially the nice upswing with the solid last two sketches, the second of which (Radioactive Bear) stands out as probably one of my favorite sketches of this season so far. However, tonight’s strong highlights aren’t enough to make you forget about the truly lazy writing and awfulness that was prevalent in this episode, and they’re certainly not enough to make you forget about how lousy Robert DeNiro was as a host. After being highly anticipated by viewers in his debut as an SNL host, Robert DeNiro showed the world that he and live sketch comedy do not mix. His performances were a mess all night, yet he would go on to inexplicably return in future hosting stints and cameos that also feature THE EXACT SAME stiff acting, stilted delivery, blatant cue card-staring, “I’d rather be anywhere but here” attitude, jumping ahead of the script, and constant line-flubbing from him. Will SNL ever learn?


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Brittany Murphy)
a step down


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Al Gore hosts the Christmas episode