Tag: saturday night live

Posted on

May 14, 2005 – Will Ferrell / Queens of the Stone Age (S30 E19)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

BACKSTAGE
backstage, WIF has awkward reunions with former castmates & LOM

— Much like I said about David Spade earlier this season, it feels refreshing seeing Will Ferrell back on SNL during trying times like season 30.
— A big laugh from Ferrell’s very first inner thought, in which we hear him thinking “Oh, man, what is this guy’s name?!?” about his former four-year castmate Chris Parnell. Ha, poor Chris.
— Another big laugh from a Ferrell inner thought, this time with him thinking “This is Finesse. Do NOT call him Kenan!”
— Hilarious pay-off to the Finesse-not-Kenan scene, with it turning out it was a bet between Finesse and Kenan to see which name Ferrell would call Finesse by. I also love Kenan bragging “Told you he ain’t know the difference!”
— I like the visual of Ferrell immediately turning away in a panic from an approaching Lorne.
— I wonder if Ferrell pulling a “Hey, look over there!” on Lorne was an intentional reference to the end of the Spelling Bee sketch that Ferrell did in the James Van Der Beek episode from season 24. Probably not, but it does go nicely with that.
— I love Ferrell’s “Live from New York…” delivery at the end of this.
STARS: ***½


MONOLOGUE
while singing “On A Clear Day,” WIF pees his pants & ambles into audience

— I’ve said this about several former cast members in the monologue from their respective first hosting stint, but it’s so nice to see Ferrell making an entrance on that home base stage as the host.
— While singing, Ferrell accidentally and bizarrely reveals a device hidden inside his jacket (the second above screencap for this monologue), giving away a joke that’s about to happen.
— And there it is: the pee stain on Ferrell’s pants. Funny, and a very fitting premise for Ferrell, but it accidentally being telegraphed earlier in this monologue hurt the joke for me a bit. IIRC, SNL would later replace this monologue with the error-less dress rehearsal version in reruns.
— I love Ferrell going up to Steve Higgins as an audience member and getting way too close to him with his pee stain while trying to have a friendly conversation.
— When Higgins reveals that the woman sitting next to him is, in fact, NOT his wife after Ferrell asked, I like Ferrell responding “Well you make a lovely couple.”
— Even Ferrell’s simple, casual, affable delivery of “Whoops, I peed my pants” when finally noticing his pee stain was great and such a Will Ferrell-y moment.
STARS: ***½


CELEBRITY JEOPARDY
Bill Cosby (KET), Sharon Osbourne (AMP), Sean Connery (DAH)

— Right out of the gate, I see we’re wasting no time in bringing back one of the most beloved recurring sketches that Ferrell was involved in back when he was a cast member. Hope this is an improvement from the underwhelming last few installments of this sketch.
— I can’t understand why tonight’s audience is going absolutely nuts here for the typical staccato, cutesy speak that Amy’s Sharon Osbourne always does when speaking for her puppy (“Mi-nnie, say he-llo to Al-ex! Al-ex, say he-llo to Mi-nnie!”). I take it the only reason tonight’s audience is having such a huge response to this is because they’ve never seen Amy’s Sharon Osbourne impression before and are surprised by how much Amy sounds like her. I think those tepid Sharon Osbourne Show sketches from the preceding season permanently burned me out on Amy’s Sharon Osbourne impression, and I personally hate when Amy’s Sharon uses a staccato, cutesy voice when speaking for her puppy…plus, I heard that real Sharon has NEVER been known to use a cutesy voice for her puppies in real life (not that a celebrity impression on SNL can’t be exaggerated or embellished, of course, but still…).
— Ah, Connery and Trebek reunited.
— Alex Trebek, after yet another one of Sean Connery’s “mother” jokes: “For your information, my mother’s in a nursing home in Canada.” Sean Connery: “Oh, she was nursing it, alright.”
— I love the “Automatic Points” category.
— During the “How Many Fingers Am I Holding Up?” segment, when the camera cuts to Ferrell’s Trebek after Darrell’s Connery says “*I* got a finger” while starting to unbutton his pants, I like Ferrell’s Trebek saying to the camera “Please don’t cut to him” and then telling Connery “That’s not a finger, and you know it.”
— And there’s our obligatory category mix-up of tonight’s Celebrity Jeopardy sketch: Connery misreading “Japan US Relations” as “Jap Anus Relations” . I shamefully admit that I chuckled, but 1) it’s FAR from one of the better Celebrity Jeopardy category mix-ups, and 2) SNL could never get away with that “Jap Anus Relations” bit nowadays. At least Ferrell’s Trebek calls Darrell’s Connery out on how awful that was.
— Meh at the reveal of Connery’s full Final Jeopardy answer (which initially reads “0+0-0=0”) being “POOP”.
— Overall, this was pretty fun, but as I was afraid of, it was a far cry from bonafide five-star classic installments of this sketch from back in its prime. It’s sad how this usually-reliable sketch has officially lost its luster sometime after the one from the Lucy Liu episode in season 26 (the last Celebrity Jeopardy sketch to get a five-star rating from me). However, from my memory of the next Celebrity Jeopardy from Ferrell’s following hosting stint in season 34, the luster that this sketch has lost returns in spades.
STARS: ***½


ORACLE CONCLAVE
(WIF) emcees amateurish show for Oracle employees at annual conclave

— Aaaaaand there goes season 30’s obligatory weekly instance of Maya singing. At least this particular instance isn’t an annoying one.
— I love Ferrell’s increasingly tense off-camera conversation with someone about an employee who’s currently in poor health.
— A big laugh from the slideshow awkwardly only consisting of shots of the same three employees at one table, and them all having red-eye in the photos.
— This is a very Will Ferrell-y sketch, and I love that. This feels like a sketch I can picture Ferrell doing in his first season as a cast member. Both he and Cheri Oteri excelled in this type of sketch back then, where they’re alone onstage and react to people who are off-camera. Sketches like Cheerleaders and Rita Delvecchio (Cheri’s lady-on-the-porch character). I guess The Culps also count as that type of sketch, so I’m wondering if this sketch style is a specific Groundlings thing, as Ferrell, Cheri, and Ana Gasteyer are all Groundlings alums.
— Ferrell’s awful rap number is funny, especially when he falls off the stage mid-song, which I’ve always wondered is supposed to be a spoof of a then-recent viral video of Kelsey Grammer accidentally falling off the stage during a speech at Disneyland (“OH, DEAR GOD!!!”). Ferrell’s hilarious angry reactions after falling are so perfectly Will Ferrell.
STARS: ****


PARA TRI-CYCLEN
Para Tri-Cyclen is birth control option for promiscuous women like (AMP)

— Amy bringing in any average joe to sleep with her is pretty funny in the context of this birth control commercial.
— Meh, I’m no prude, but I could do without an adolescent boy being one of the people Amy brings in to sleep with her.
— This overall commercial fizzled out a little towards the end, but was okay as a whole.
STARS: ***


ART DEALERS
(SEM) & (RAD) meet Noonie (WIF), the childish adult son of Nuni & Nuni

— Okay, after giving a positive review to the first two installments of this recurring sketch, I think this is the point where I officially get tired of this sketch, especially since it feels almost wrong for them waste Ferrell as a side character in this formulaic sketch that can be performed literally almost any other week.
— Ferrell at least is playing a goofy-acting and oddly-dressed character that he was born to play. I also love how his entrance gets a hysterical laughing gasp from a woman in the audience.
— Ugh, there goes the obligatory part of every Nuni sketch where Fred and Maya’s characters clarify to their visitors how to differentiate the pronunciation of their respective name, then butcher the simple pronunciation of their neighbors’ names.
— A clumsy gaffe in which Seth accidentally knocks the head cushion off of the massage chair. I got an unintended chuckle from that.
— Ferrell is singlehandedly making this otherwise tiredly derivative sketch more tolerable.
STARS: **½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Little Sister” with Gene Frenkle (WIF) on cowbell

— Halfway through this performance, we get Ferrell showing up out of nowhere in the background as his legendary one-off Gene Frenkle character, banging on that cowbell once again. Fuck yeah!


WEEKEND UPDATE
apologistic John Bolton assistant (SEM) displays traits of battered wife

— (*sigh*) You know the routine: Tina and Amy open with a string of terribly hacky jokes that would make even Charles Rocket, Gail Matthius, and Brian Doyle-Murray cringe, while I groan and roll my eyes.
— Pretty good performance from Seth downplaying John Bolton’s horrible, violent treatment of him, even though the commentary itself is nothing special.
— OH FUCKING NO. Not another insufferable and pointless Tina and Amy Update musical number…well, just Amy this time. Still, though: cringeworthy.
— Well, at least this Amy musical number ended up being short, and I did like how it ended with Tina telling Amy “This is the last time that I suck beer out of the dirt with you.”
STARS: **


PEPPER GRINDER
diner (WLF) employs pepper grinder to build character in waiter (WIF)

— Oh, this is a dream come true for a comedy nerd like me: the two great Wills of SNL history, Ferrell and Forte, paired together in an absurdist sketch! This is going to be fucking epic.
— Forte’s refusal to say “when” as Ferrell is tirelessly grinding pepper onto Forte’s meal is great.
— When asked to tell Ferrell to stop grinding pepper, I absolutely love Forte’s delivery of “I will…when…I’ve had…enough.”
— Now this sketch is really hitting a peak, as we get Forte increasingly getting very intense in his “Grind!” bellowing while Ferrell is screaming in anguish. Such a perfect combo of just some of what makes both Ferrell and Forte absolutely fantastic performers. Man, just imagine if their respective tenure as a cast member overlapped with each other, even if just for one season.
STARS: *****


TV FUNHOUSE
“Shazzang!” by RBS- sadistic, psychotic, hegemonic genie is superpowerful

— A spot-on spoof of the style of the Shazzan series from the 60s.
— I’m getting so many laughs from Shazzang’s increasingly sadistic treatment of the villain, the villain’s mother, and a cow. I’m also getting laughs from the disturbed reactions from the other characters. Shazzang’s sadistic actions have bothered A LOT of SNL fans (“That poor cow!” is something I’ll never forget one online SNL fan complaining), but this type of dark humor is right up my alley.
— Holy shit, this cartoon is getting even more and more fucking insane. Smigel ain’t holding NOTHING back. I am absolutely loving how extensive this sadism is getting, and there’s something I find great and fitting about the fact that something this disturbing is airing in a Will Ferrell-hosted episode, but yeah, I can see why so many SNL fans are very off-put by this cartoon.
STARS: ****


GOULET RINGTONES
Robert Goulet (WIF) plugs ringtones & cellphones shaped like his head

— Yes! Freakin’ Goulet!
— Fun premise with Ferrell’s Robert Goulet advertising various ringtones sung by himself.
— I absolutely love the very brief and simple “Dinkle-dongle, dinkle-dongle, someone’s calling you, Goulet!” ringtone.
— The big-horned sheep returns! I always love Ferrell-as-Goulet’s interactions with him. Even just the way a whole bunch of fake fur is unintentionally seen floating away from the fake sheep each time Ferrell violently taps it with his hand is slaying me.
STARS: ***½


GOING 2 C MOVIES WITH TERRYE FUNCK & VASQUEZ
Terrye Funck, Vasquez, (WIF) review Revenge Of The Sith

— We get a very random pairing of a semi-regular Horatio Sanz character and an obscure, previously one-off Chris Parnell character.
— Man, Horatio is stumbling all over his lines in this sketch so far.
— Ugh, this sketch is reminding me why I hated this Vasquez character in the last few appearances he’s made before this.
— What the fuck is with this sketch?!? This premise involving Ferrell’s breath is horrible, and the jokes within the dialogue feel like a 10-year-old wrote this.
— My only laughs in this entire sketch so far have come from Ferrell’s gasping sound whenever he catches a whiff of his own breath. Otherwise, not even he can save this awful sketch.
— Jokes about smoking “dookie” cigars? Yeah, this sketch was definitely written by a 10-year-old. I guess this wouldn’t be a season 30 episode without at least ONE “How the fuck did this make it on the air” sketch?
— Aaaaaaand to make this sketch even more insufferable to me, we now get our obligatory display of Horatio giggling at himself. Fucking ugh.
STARS: *½


MUSICAL GUEST INTRO

— Ha, Ferrell manages to even make a musical guest intro funny, with the way he’s lovingly and slowly stroking the back of a random audience member’s head while re-introducing the musical guest.


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “In My Head”


LUXURY
in a bar, luxury-loving spy (WIF) thinks that (MAR) is his contact

— Ferrell enters as yet ANOTHER character tonight that’s very fitting and perfect for him.
— I’m enjoying the interesting set-up of this.
— Funny bizarre interplay between Ferrell and Maya all throughout this sketch. And at least Maya’s managing to get through a lead role this season without using an annoying character voice or singing for once.
— Didn’t care for the ending with Horatio. At least he didn’t ruin the deadpan stare-off between himself and Ferrell by breaking, though.
STARS: ***½


GOODNIGHTS

— After Ferrell finishes his goodnights speech and the credits start rolling, the camera briefly cuts to a specific group of people in the audience who are unidentified (the last above screencap for these goodnights), no doubt confusing lots of viewers. Those people in the audience appear to be Will’s family, as I recognize Will’s mom, from two SNL appearances she’s made other times (one in an SNL Mother’s Day special from 2001, and the other in Will’s season 37 monologue). So I’m guessing the older man two seats from Will’s mom is Will’s dad. However, who’s the woman in between them? Will’s sister, perhaps? Does he have a sister?
— Seeing Rob Riggle during these goodnights makes me realize that he was completely M.I.A. during the actual show. Jesus Christ. First Rob struggles to get any good airtime for most of this first season of his. Then he has to witness a writer on the show (Jason Sudeikis) being added to the cast in the third-to-last episode of this season and IMMEDIATELY waltzing in with a very visible presence, making it look effortless. Then Rob gets completely shut out of the very next episode after that, which is especially a shame, considering he seems like he would’ve worked PERFECTLY with Ferrell, given their similar comedic styles (and, IIRC, Rob actually would later be cast in some of Ferrell’s movies, or at least one of them). At this point, Rob must fully realize that that there’s NO FUCKING WAY he’s being asked back next season. You really gotta feel for the guy.

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— While certainly not the classic that one in 2005 would’ve hoped a Will Ferrell-hosted episode would be, this was BY FAR one of the better episodes of this troubled season. The quality of the sketches was mostly good, and a few pieces were particularly strong, one of which is an all-time favorite of mine and I’m pretty sure is shockingly the FIRST sketch I’ve given a five-star rating to in this damned season (Pepper Grinder). Will Ferrell, of course, was a fantastic presence as a host, was reliably funny as usual, and fit back into the show well.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Johnny Knoxville)
a big step up


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Season 30 (mercifully) comes to an end, with host Lindsay Lohan. It’s also the final episode for newbie Rob Riggle.

Posted on

May 7, 2005 – Johnny Knoxville / System of a Down (S30 E18)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

PRIMETIME LIVE
Paula Abdul (AMP) is bedding American Idol contestants; Paula Abdul cameo

— I recall hearing that shortly before performing this cold opening which spoofs her personal issues, Paula Abdul had an emotional breakdown backstage and was in tears. If that’s true, that type of backstage drama just adds on to the troubled vibe this season in general has.
— And there goes season 30’s obligatory weekly instance of Maya singing.
— Wait, Maya as TWO different male American Idol singers in the same live sketch?
— This spoof of Paula Abdul’s scandal is simply not working for me.
— Blah, I don’t care for the turn at the end with Paula breaking the fourth wall by entering the sketch and critiquing Chris, Kenan, and Amy’s impressions of the American Idol judges.
— Knowing about the backstage emotional breakdown that Paula allegedly had shortly before this cold opening started, her smiliness at the beginning and end of this cold opening seems kinda fake to me.
STARS: *½


OPENING MONTAGE
— SNL writer and occasional onscreen bit player Jason Sudeikis has been added to the cast.


MONOLOGUE
cast members, Sophie Michaels [real], DOP prank host Jackass-style

— That sounded like newbie Jason Sudeikis as the mic’ed off-camara voice that exuberantly yells “JACKASS!!!” right when Johnny Knoxville says he’s known for a certain TV show. Even in an off-camera voice-over, Jason manages to get a laugh from me.
— Even though this monologue is just very predictable Jackass-style humor, it’s coming off pretty entertaining here.
— A rare Don Pardo onscreen appearance! And we even get to see him knee Johnny Knoxville in the groin!
— Pretty fun ending with Seth.
STARS: ***


MOM JEANS
— I pretty much lost count of the number of times this well-loved Mother’s Day-related commercial from two seasons prior has been re-aired in new episodes (even some episodes that aired nowhere near Mother’s Day) from the two seasons that followed it. This is also the THIRD time season 30 has repeated a commercial from a previous season.


SALLY & DAN HARRISON: THE COUPLE THAT SHOULD BE DIVORCED
needlers Sally (AMP) & Dan (SEM) are the Harrisons: The Couple That Should Be Divorced

— Amy and Seth’s Couple That Should Be Divorced characters make their debut. However, their last name in this debut is Harrison. In their subsequent sketches, their last name would be Needler.
— Another sketch in this era with an opening title sequence and theme song. Between Merv The Perv (who we’ll be seeing later tonight), Debbie Downer, The Couple That Should Be Divorced, the following season’s Carol sketches, and maybe something else I’m forgetting, the number of this era’s recurring characters with their own title sequence and theme song is almost starting to rival that of the late 80s/early 90s era, though the latter certainly has the more memorable collection of recurring character title sequences and theme songs.
— Good concept for a sketch.
— Lots of well-done sarcasm and tense interplay between Seth and Amy throughout this.
— After Chris asks the Harrisons “So, how was your vacation?” in a desperate attempt to break the tension, I like Rachel angrily whispering to Chris “Why would you ask them that?!?”
— Funny turn with the Harrisons’ off-camera violent-sounding confrontation in the kitchen turning out to be them having sex. Unfortunately, that’s a turn that SNL would eventually run INTO THE DAMN GROUND in these characters’ subsequent sketches.
STARS: ***½


DOMINO’S COMMERCIAL
Donald Trump (DAH) tapes a commercial for Domino’s cheeseburger pizza

— I wonder if Seth’s voice-over as the off-camera director is being done live. If so, he had to rush fast from the Couple That Should Be Divorced set to wherever he had to be placed for his voice-over in this Trump sketch, as this Trump sketch is airing immediately after the Couple That Should Be Divorced, with no commercial break in between.
— The third and final edition of this season’s reliable “Trump films a promo” sketches, though we get somewhat of a variation of it in the following season’s Lance Armstrong episode, in a sketch where Darrell’s Trump is shooting a scene for a soap opera.
— Very funny visual of Darrell’s Trump in that pizza costume.
— Trump: “(to the tune of the McDonalds “I’m Lovin’ It” jingle) Doo do do do dooo, Dominios.”
— This sketch is particularly great, and Darrell’s Trump is coming off even funnier here than he did in the very funny last two Trump promo shoot sketches. This would probably be a good place to point out that I’ve been pleasantly surprised by what a solid season Darrell’s been having. Before now, I had always been under the impression that, after Will Ferrell’s departure in 2002, Darrell slept-walked through his remaining 7 seasons and came off as an increasingly unnecessary part of the show. He’s been proving me wrong on both fronts this season.
— Trump: “Cheesus Crust, I’m hungry!”
STARS: ****½


VERSACE MOTHER’S DAY SPECIAL
Donatella Versace (MAR) visits her mom (RAD) in Italy on Mother’s Day

— (*groan*)
— Well, the good news is, this mercifully ends up being the last Versace sketch for two years, and the next Versace sketch will be the final one.
— A super hacky gay joke with Versace’s shirtless gay assistants eagerly wanting the long pepperoni sausages that Versace’s mother is holding up.
— Now we get a super hacky line about J.Lo’s dog farting.
— Oh, and speaking of super hacky, here comes Horatio’s damn Elton John, an impression that’s the epitome of super hackiness. Oh, and of course, with his impression, this sketch gives us super hacky gay sex jokes about Elton.
— Aaaaaaaaand there goes Horatio’s terrible habit of pausing awkwardly before delivering a line, then starting to crack up at himself. FUCKING UGH.
— I’m three minutes into this sketch, and there has yet to be anything in it that HASN’T made me cringe.
— Overall, a completely laughless and completely cringe-full waste of time. Hard to believe by this point that there used to be a time, several seasons prior, where Versace sketches actually worked (at least for me).
STARS: *


CHANNEL 5 LATE NIGHT MOVIE
abductee (WLF) learns science isn’t motive for alien’s (host) anal probes

— This sketch uses the same “Channel 5 Late Night Movie” framing previously used in the Radioactive Bear and King Kong sketches from season 28.
— Sloppy delivery from Johnny early on in this.
— UGH. Here comes YET ANOTHER obligatory display of season 30’s unbearable hyperfocus on hacky gay humor. Oh, and as if this dire season didn’t already have some similarities to the also-dire season 20, now we get a horrible “anal-probing UFOs” sketch, just like season 20 infamously had in the Deion Sanders episode. I almost want to consider tonight’s “anal-probing UFOs” sketch an unintended sequel to the Deion Sanders version, with us now actually getting to see the mysterious aliens and the inside of the spaceship that we only saw the outside of in the Deion sketch.
— A terrible ending.
— Well before the camera even fades to black at the end of this sketch, Chris can be seen dropping character and unzipping his spacesuit costume RIGHT ON FUCKING CAMERA. Geez, the fact that a true professional like Chris Parnell has resorted to doing something like that, combined with his very bored and almost passive-aggressive delivery of “Live from New York…” in the preceding episode’s Tom DeLay cold opening, is all further proof of what a mess this lousy season is and makes me wonder if even Chris is so over it by this point.
— Overall, just as horrible a sketch as I expected. It’s a complete joke that this crap made it on the air.
STARS: *


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “B.Y.O.B.”

— During a close-up, System Of A Down’s guitarist yells a very audible “FUCK YEAAAAHHHH!” into the mic (the second above screencap for this musical performance).


WEEKEND UPDATE
WLF sings a Mother’s Day song to mom Patti [real] about her future death

Ritchie B.’s interpreter doesn’t appreciate his black stereotype jokes

TIF & AMP sing the theme song for cheap shoes bearing the Bobos brand

TIF & AMP mark the passing of Weekend Update founding editor Herb Sargent

— Jesus Christ, Amy’s embarrassingly bad Kevin Federline joke was a perfect example of so many things that’s both wrong with her as an Update anchor and wrong with the writing of this season’s Update jokes.
— Great to see a Will Forte Update commentary, and he’s doing one of his many Update songs, which I’m always a sucker for.
— Always fun to see cast members’ moms.
— The “I’m gonna miss you when you’re dead” turn in Will’s song to his mother is fantastic. Lots of great inappropriate and dark lyrics here.
— I’m glad Tina refrained from doing her tired Arnold Schwarzenegger vocal imitation during her Ahnuld joke tonight.
— The return of the running gag from earlier this season with Amy’s angry rants towards Angeline Jolie. This has been one of the very few things Amy’s done on Update this season that has worked for me.
— A good immediate callback to tonight’s Angelina Jolie rant from Amy, with Tina following up Amy’s rant with a newsflash about a story that features Jolie one-upping Amy.
— Ugh, and right after the solid Jolie callback bit, we get a particularly super-hacky Update joke, even worse than usual Fey/Poehler Update jokes. I swear, every time this season takes one step forward with a rare strong Update joke, they IMMEDIATELY follow it up by taking two steps back with a really bad joke that ruins the good momentum.
— Nice to see the return of Fred’s deaf comedian character and his interpreter, a bit that I loved last time.
— Even Fred’s mere gestures and facial expressions while doing sign language as this character tickle me.
— Like last time, some funny inappropriate black people jokes from Fred’s character, and some great reactions from Kenan.
— Even though tonight’s overall deaf comedian commentary treaded the same ground as last time, this still worked for me. However, it’s probably a good thing that this ends up being the final appearance of this routine.
— OH FUCKING NO. What the hell are Tina and Amy doing right now, with them wasting airtime with this terrible and unfunny “Bobos” song-and-dance number of theirs? Are they fucking kidding me?!? This…this…just…how does something like this even make it on the air?!? This epitomizes EVERY FUCKING THING I hate about Tina and Amy as an Update duo, and why I will forever argue that them as an Update duo was COMEDY POISON, and why it’s always bugged me how the media at the time was blowing so much smoke up Tina and Amy’s asses by endlessly praising this Update era. I’m sorry for my harsh attitude, folks, but reviewing this troubled season in general has made me salty as fuck by this point, and you’re seeing me unleashed in tonight’s review.
— Ugh, these god-awful Update jokes. I tell you, I wish this era’s audience was as unforgiving and not afraid to respond to a bad joke with complete silence as audiences during the dark Weekend Update/SNL Newsbreak years of 1980-1982 were, as this Fey/Poehler Update era is, to me, the worst since those 80-82 years.
— Tina and Amy at least end tonight’s Update on a classy note, with them taking a moment to honor Weekend Update founding editor Herb Sargent, who passed away earlier that week. Nice to also see an accompanying behind-the-scenes photo of Sargent and Chevy Chase at the Update desk back in the original era.
STARS: **


MOTHER’S DAY BRUNCH
transsexual (host), grandma (MAR), new mom (AMP) brunch on Mother’s Day

— Jason Sudeikis in his first live appearance as a cast member.
— Seeing Jason and Seth sitting next to each other reminds me of how, back when this episode originally aired, I was worried that then-newbie Jason would be another Seth Meyers: a bland white guy with no real versatility or anything distinctive as a performer. Keep in mind that that’s only how I felt about Seth BACK THEN. I’ve come around on him while doing these reviews, and I now admit that he’s nowhere near as irritatingly bland or un-versatile as a season 30 utility player as I previously thought. I’ve gained a newfound appreciation for his sketch performance skills. That being said, I feel Jason would definitely go on to be the FAR better and more distinctive utility player, so it’s funny to look back on how worried I was back in May 2005 that Jason would be another Blandy McBlanderson like I considered Seth to be at the time.
— UGHHHH. There goes Maya once again using that god-awful “phlegmy-throated old black lady” voice that is absolutely unbearable.
— OH FUCKING NO. This transphobic material with Johnny’s transgender character has aged horribly. Oof. It doesn’t get more cringey than this. Then again, I remember not finding this shit funny even back in 2005.
— While not as horrible as the transgender material or the “phlegmy-throated old black lady” material, the material with Rob and Amy as a baby’s overly-proud parents is very lame and unfunny, and yet another waste of Rob’s talents.
— It’s sad that Jason’s first live sketch as a cast member has to be THIS awful sketch. It’s also sad that this sketch is so awful, because I actually LIKE the out-of-the-ordinary format of it, with how its constantly cutting back and forth between three completely different conversations at three individual restaurant tables. An actual good season of SNL would’ve gotten a solid sketch out of that format.
— Weak ending and a poor use of Chris.
STARS: *


HELPING HANDS TELETHON
Andy disrupts a telethon by shouting “Oh no!” when callers try to pledge

— Great to see this return, as this bizarre character of Will’s always slays me.
— Even just Will’s strange-sounding delivery of the telethon name “Helping Hands” makes me laugh.
— Will’s first “OHHHHH, NOOOOOO!” in tonight’s sketch gets some mild recognition applause from the audience.
— What the hell is with Kenan, Fred, and Rachel’s giggliness while singing? You can tell their giggliness isn’t in character, but I don’t understand what it was that caused them to break, as they started giggling as soon as they entered the sketch.
— I love Jason’s constant false alarms on when the show has cut to commercial while Johnny is “candidly” chewing out Will’s Andy character and admitting the telethon is a sham. Not only is the “false alarm” material very funny in itself, but Jason’s delivery is perfect for it.
— Johnny’s anger towards Will’s Andy is fun, but he’s not as strong a straight man to Andy as Paul Giamatti was in the first installment of this sketch.
STARS: ****


MERV THE PERV
Merv The Perv & brother Irv (host) disgust Victoria’s Secret customers

— This ends up being the final appearance of Chris’ only big solo recurring character, Merv The Perv, despite the fact that Chris still has one more season to go as a cast member.
— When revealing that he and Merv The Perv are brothers, I like Johnny’s dirty line “Our mother wasn’t the ONLY womb we shared.”
— Meh, Johnny’s Irv The Perv character getting his own Merv The Perv-esque opening title sequence and theme song feels unnecessary and tedious, even though SNL has done the “a character with his own title sequence meets a character who gets a similar title sequence of his own” trope to better success twice within these past few seasons (The “Coolest Teacher At Benton Township High School” sketch, and the Falconer installment with Ashton Kutcher as The Muskrateer).
— Amy’s not convincing at all as an angry straight man, as she has a big smirk on her face right now, which clearly isn’t in character.
— And now Maya and Rachel have also begun smirking during their “angry” reactions to Merv and Irv. Why the hell has the cast been so damn giggly tonight? Yet another example of how season 30 is such a mess.
— Overall, despite a few laughs I got, I actually found this Merv The Perv installment underwhelming. Something about this installment felt a little lacking compared to previous installments. Perhaps this character has finally run his course, and if so, it’s a good thing this ends up being his final appearance.
STARS: **


MUSICAL GUEST INTRO
Paula Abdul [real] introduces musical guest

— Rather odd how this intro is done by Paula Abdul instead of Johnny.


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Aerials”


ACTION NEWS
extensive broadcast news team includes a clock factory arsonist (CHP)

— I like the constant fake-outs with how the introduction of each individual in the extensive news team continues every time the show makes it seem like the intros are done. Good way to work in what I believe is the entire SNL cast.
— Rob’s wild laughing facial expression is particularly funny to me.
— I like the “I’m going to burn down a clock factory” bit with Chris, even though the joke feels…I dunno, odd.
— For someone in his first episode as a cast member, Jason has been very visible. You gotta feel bad for Rob, though. With Jason being added to the cast shortly before the end of this season and immediately having a very visible presence and showing good potential while Rob continues to struggle badly for airtime and have his comedic potential wasted, I’m sure Rob saw the writing on the wall in regards to his chances of being brought back the following season.
— Wow, the sketch is over already? This was quite a strange and oddly-structured sketch, but I think I liked it because of that. Hey, in season 30, I gotta take what I can get.
STARS: ***


BEAR CITY
by T. Sean Shannon- an anthropomorphic ursine leaves a bar

— One of the more simpler Bear City gags, but still decent.
STARS: ***


YOU MIGHT BE A GAY REDNECK IF…
You Might Be A Gay Redneck If you’re Jeff Foxworthy’s half-brother (host)

— In an episode that’s already been filled with the cheapest, shittiest, hackiest, most cringeworthy humor about gays or transgender people, now SNL is gonna close the show by throwing a full-on motherfucking “What would it be like if (insert person here) acted like a gay stereotype?” sketch at me, in a season that’s already been rampant with “What would it be like if (insert person here) acted like a gay stereotype?” sketches, AND in an episode where Johnny Knoxville has played an unflattering gay or transgender character in literally HALF OF HIS APPEARANCES? Fuck this episode. Nah, fuck this season.
— By the way, here’s yet another season 20 trait that season 30 has shown tonight: a horrible and tedious Jeff Foxworthy parody.
— I do want to point out that in the photo of various gay redneck stand-up comedy DVDs at the end, a DVD cover of Fred as “Treat Dangerfield” is shown, even though he was nowhere to be seen in the actual sketch. Fred’s Treat Dangerfield, a gay version of Rodney Dangerfield, was actually supposed to have a stand-up segment shown in this sketch, but the show ran out of time and had to cut it, a deletion that thankfully prevented me from pulling out my hair over having to sit through EVEN MORE bad gay stereotype humor.
STARS: *


GOODNIGHTS

— Right before these goodnights get cut off early, Finesse brings Jason to the front of the stage and points at him while looking at the audience (the right side of the last above screencap for these goodnights), given the fact that this was Jason’s first episode as a cast member. In my SNL project, this is the very first instance I’ve noticed of what would go on to be a semi-tradition: a cast member being pointed out by his or her cast mates during the goodnights of either his or her very first episode, or the first episode that he or she finally does something that kills with the audience after about half a season of struggling to get any noteworthy roles.

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— (*sigh*) Not only is this what feels like the billionth consecutive weak episode this season, but I found this episode to be particularly frustrating. Sure, there was actually a decent number of things that worked, but they were pretty much canceled out by all of the badness that surrounded it, as most of that badness wasn’t just typical mediocrity; it was among some of the absolute WORST things to air in this entire season. And given the quality of this season, that’s certainly saying something. Of this season, only the frustration I got from reviewing the Hilary Swank episode can compare to the frustration I got from reviewing certain portions of tonight’s episode. As I said in my last review, season 31 cannot come soon enough for me. In case you haven’t been able to tell, reviewing season 30 on a daily basis has officially taken its toll on me. No other season has been this frustrating for me to review, not even any of “The Notorious Three” (seasons 6, 11, and 20).


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Tom Brady)
a mild step down


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Will Ferrell makes his hosting debut, to hopefully add some shred of quality to this dire season shortly before it ends. (I guess he wasn’t available for the season finale.)

Posted on

April 16, 2005 – Tom Brady / Beck (S30 E17)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

A MESSAGE FROM TOM DELAY
Tom DeLay (CHP) says his vote-securing methods have made him a target

— A laugh from the first stock footage cutaway, representing congressman Bob McKibben being blown up in his car.
— Blah, now this is just repeating the exact same joke over and over, with Tom DeLay’s threatened opponents being represented by stock footage of explosions, cars falling off cliffs, people crashing through windows, etc. A lazy and one-note comedic hook for this cold opening.
— I’m probably looking too much into it, but something about the way Chris delivered “Live from New York…” suggested to me that even HE was fully aware that he was in a crappy cold opening.
STARS: *½


MONOLOGUE
host shows his well-roundedness by demonstrating his non-football talents

— Ugh. A song-and-dance monologue, and with freakin’ Tom Brady of all people?
— The cast comin’ out in cheesy bright-colored shirts like they’re characters straight out of the legendary first Debbie Downer sketch.
— If I can find ANYTHING positive to say about this dull monologue, I guess it’s that Tom is at least performing this affably, and seems like he’ll be okay for an athlete host.
STARS: *½


DR. PORKENHEIMER’S BONER JUICE
— Rerun from 10/2/04. However, something VERY odd in this rerun: this commercial has been almost ENTIRELY re-shot, with Amy even wearing completely different clothes, even though all of her dialogue is the exact same! (below are side-by-side comparisons between shots from this commercial’s original airing and tonight’s repeated airing)

Why in the world did they go through all this trouble of re-shooting most of this commercial, even though no changes were made to what actually happens in the scenes, nor to Amy’s actual dialogue?!? What was the point? And I previously thought it was bizarre how, the last time this commercial was re-aired earlier this season, they re-shot a small portion of the end to replace the original shot of Rob “pitching a tent” under the bedsheets. But that’s nothing compared to THIS. And the sad thing is, none of these frequent modifications SNL inexplicably keeps making to reruns of this weak Boner Juice commercial are making it ANY funnier.


CARNIVAL
at a carnival, only (host) fails to win at a football toss target game

— This seems to be a well-liked, popular sketch, and it’s been shown in many of SNL’s Sports Extra compilation specials. However, I’ve always found this sketch overrated.
— Part of why I find this sketch overrated is the premise comes off weak, corny, and thin to me. “Ha, look at the real-life professional football player playing a character who can’t throw a football into a simple target, while physically-weaker characters can!” I usually actually enjoy when hosts, especially non-actor hosts, spoof their image by playing a character who’s the exact opposite of themselves, but something about the idea behind this particular Tom Brady football toss sketch just comes off corny and too simplistic for me, and the execution isn’t any great shakes.
— OH, NO. And there goes yet another display of season 30’s hyperfocus on hacky gay humor for cheap laughs, with Seth and Fred entering as a gay couple.
— Now we get Amy playing to the cameras in the hammiest manner possible. I’m sure quite a lot of people find that funny in this sketch, but in a season where Amy’s been driving me nuts with her audience-pandering, UCB-abandoning overt cutesiness, I have very mixed feelings on her performance in this particular sketch.
— I will say that there’s some good interplay between Tom and Will right now, such as Tom, after getting fed up with Will always saying “Not a touchdown”, telling Will “Stop saying that”, which Will responds to with a deadpan “Stop missing.” I also like how, when Tom implies that the next football he’s going to throw will be at Will’s head, Will carelessly replies with an also-deadpan “I could not be less worried.”
STARS: **


DR. PHIL
insensitive husband (host) lacks emotional intelligence

— Solid Dr. Phil impression from Darrell. Better than the one last done by Jeff Richards, as much as I generally loved Jeff as a celebrity impressionist (the problem with his Dr. Phil impression was that the voice was too high-pitched). However, I remember someone on an SNL message board making a good point back at this time in 2005 about how frustrating it is that SNL gave this Dr. Phil role to a been-on-the-show-forever-and-needs-to-finally-be-on-his-way-out veteran like Darrell instead of the very-underused-but-promising newbie Rob Riggle, who seems like he would be very fitting in the Dr. Phil role and DESPERATELY needs this airtime, as his chances of being brought back the following season weren’t looking too good by this point.
— I can’t find much to say about this sketch so far.
— What was with the brief ending with Amy, Seth, and their son? Seemed like a waste of casting for something that contained no actual joke and only showed Amy, Seth, and the son onscreen for two measly seconds with no dialogue.
— Overall, nothing too special as a whole, despite a strong performance from Darrell as Dr. Phil, and a competent performance by Tom as Rachel’s dumb, inconsiderate husband. I might’ve enjoyed this sketch more had it aired much later in the episode. It felt a little out of place to me in such an early spot in the show.
STARS: **½


THE FALCONER
The Falconer still gets the worst of it after swapping places with Donald

— Hell yeah, The Falconer! Strangely, I have no memory of this particular installment of this recurring sketch.
— A very interesting premise, with The Falconer and Donald switching bodies. Nice change of pace.
— Ah, it’s all coming back to me now. That “body switching” special effect sequence brought back my memories of having watched this sketch before.
— I love The Falconer, in Donald’s body, being forced to participate in a cockfight.
— Great brief inclusion of Kenan as Don King.
STARS: ****½


TV FUNHOUSE
“Sexual Harassment & You” by RBS- being attractive keeps lawsuits away

— A very rare instance of a TV Funhouse being entirely live-action.
— This sexual harassment premise feels even more timely nowadays than it did in 2005.
— I love how Fred very timidly saying an innocent “Hi” to Tina from afar inexplicably results in her calling security and having him taken out of the office.
— Hilarious visual of Tom casually walking up to Tina in his briefs (complete with an obviously fake bulge).
— The style of this film is a very spot-on parody of 1950s educational films.
— Very funny how, as this film progresses, it’s obvious that the film’s only “tip” to avoid sexual harassment lawsuits is to be handsome.
— Overall, a very solid and memorable TV Funhouse.
STARS: ****½


TOM BRADY’S FALAFEL CITY
host’s restaurant offers Middle Eastern cuisine

— Our fourth and final edition of the “non-actor host advertises their own restaurant” series of sketches. SNL was actually going to do one earlier this season with Paris Hilton advertising a fictional “House Of Crabs” restaurant of hers (the sketch reportedly was going to open with Paris delivering the one-liner “Hi, I’m Paris Hilton, and I have crabs”), but the sketch got nixed during the week.
— And there goes season 30’s obligatory weekly instance of Maya singing.
— Fairly catchy jingle based on the Beach Boys song “Barbara Ann”, but not my favorite of the jingles in these “non-actor host advertises their own restaurant” sketches (that honor goes to the jingle used for Reverend Al Sharpton’s Casa De Sushi).
— Here comes Horatio’s traditional walk-on as a random famous singer in these non-actor restaurant ad sketches.
— OH, DO NOT GET ME STARTED. Just now, Horatio has botched the living shit out of his scene and derailed this sketch, in true Horatio Sanz fashion. Fucking ugh. Halfway though his scene in this sketch, after performing competently, Horatio suddenly came off completely lost, paused for a long time, and started laughing at himself while making very awkward, painfully unfunny, and bizarre ad-libs in a failed effort to save himself. Jesus Christ. Even Tom Brady, a football player with zero acting or comedy experience, is handling himself well and is coming off as a compete pro in this scene compared to Horatio, who, last time I checked, is a PAID SKETCH COMEDY PROFESSIONAL. Fuck outta here with that shit.
— Much like in the last edition of these non-actor restaurant ad sketches, it’s fairly cute how this sketch ends in a meta manner by showing a map of the locations of all the previous restaurants from this series of sketches.
STARS: **½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “E-Pro”


WEEKEND UPDATE
TIF & AMP enact a possible forthcoming silicone breast implant commercial

celebrity interviewer Jiminy Glick (MAS) plugs his DVD & upcoming movie

in 1975, boring interviewee Lorne Michaels (WLF) exasperates Jiminy Glick

— (*sigh*) In typical Fey/Poehler Update fashion, we open tonight’s Update with a string of groanworthy lame jokes.
— Meh, didn’t care for Tina and Amy’s silicone commercial (complete with a soft-focus screen filter).
— Oh, fuck yeah! A Martin Short cameo as Jiminy Glick!
— As expected, Jiminy Glick is very enjoyable here, and is adding much-needed life to this Update.
— Funny to hear Jiminy Glick call out former Update anchor Jimmy Fallon for his habit of stopping mid-joke to fix his messy hair (which is something he infamously did in the Update from the Reese Witherspoon episode in season 27; can’t remember if there were any other Updates he did that in).
— Oh, I absolutely love this turn during the Jiminy Glick commentary, with us seeing a 1975 interview between Jiminy Glick and a young Lorne Michaels, the latter amusingly and fittingly played by Will, who I remember people often pointing out during his first few seasons resembles 1970s-era Lorne.
— Sad that this is the second episode in a row where the only way SNL was able to make a Fey/Poehler Update semi-tolerable was by bringing in a very special and fun cameo from a former cast member.
STARS: **½


KAITLIN’S UNCLE
Uncle Scott’s (host) cold feet threaten Kaitlin’s upcoming bridesmaid gig

— At least Horatio gets a chance to redeem himself from his embarrassing trainwreck moment in tonight’s earlier Falafel City sketch, by doing his usual solid work in these Kaitlin sketches.
— Hmm. Not that I want to weigh down my review of a Kaitlin sketch by nitpicking yet another thing about Horatio, but it turns out this sketch actually has a few instances of breaking from Horatio in response to Amy’s typical antics as Kaitlin. It doesn’t derail this sketch or anything, but I point it out only because people claim Horatio’s always able to keep it together in these Kaitlin sketches. We can’t even depend on him for THAT in tonight’s installment.
— Overall, while this was still tolerable and brought the usual slice-of-life charm, this Kaitlin installment was a little below par in comparison to previous installments of this recurring sketch. There were no particular strong moments that stood out to me at all here.
STARS: ***


BEHIND THE MUSIC – THE SUPER BOWL SHUFFLE
Chicago Bears recall “The Super Bowl Shuffle” phenomena

— Ha, I’m always down for a Superbowl Shuffle spoof, and it’s a funny premise to do a Behind The Music special on this. This could be a fun sketch.
— A little detail I found funny: when we’re shown how low “The Stay In School Shuffle” ranked on the Billboard chart, it’s ranked right above “Party All The Time” from SNL’s own Eddie Murphy (the third-to-last above screencap for this sketch).
— Jason Sudeikis, still just an SNL writer at this point and not yet a cast member, makes a noteworthy appearance here in a cowboy hat and sunglasses, playing the cowbell while dancing around Tom’s Jim McMahon, during McMahon’s solo song (the last two above screencaps for this sketch). Jason gets to do some really fun dancing here, giving us an early glimpse of the entertaining dance skills that he would later display in various sketches (most famously What Up With That).
— Overall, much like the preceding Kaitlin sketch, this was an okay but ultimately pretty forgettable sketch. I was expecting better for a Behind The Music spoof of Superbowl Shuffle.
STARS: ***


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Girl”


THE OAK ROOM
boozy lounge singer Charli Coffee (MAR) falls down while performing

— (*groan*) And there goes season 30’s obligatory weekly instance of Maya singing, for the SECOND time tonight. This is also the typical washed-up lounge singer-type sketch that I recently mentioned Maya would do too much around this point of the season. I would say tonight’s particular Maya-plays-a washed-up lounge singer-type sketch is a James Anderson-written piece, but, as I said in a recent review, I almost always end up being proven wrong when I assume a sketch has been written by James Anderson. (I still don’t understand how he didn’t write that Jingle Singers sketch from this season’s David Spade episode. That sketch had so many of Anderson’s trademarks. It scares me to think there are OTHER writers this season who are using hacky trademarks typically found in musical James Anderson sketches.)
— A cheap laugh from seeing Tom freakin’ Brady in a Kenny G.-esque wig. It may be a cheap laugh, but at least it’s a laugh, which is certainly more than I can say for anything else in this terrible sketch so far.
— Lots of very lame and unfunny pratfalls through breakaway props from Maya all throughout this sketch. Feels like I’m watching a poor man’s Matt Foley or Mary Katherine Gallagher sketch, and quite frankly, Chris Farley and Molly Shannon were much better at doing pratfalls than Maya is in this sketch. I also kinda feel like I’m watching a damn Chubb Hotty sketch (which is NOT a sketch you ever want to remind me of), especially when Maya did a pratfall through a breakaway piano just now, which is the same thing Chubb Hotty did in a sketch earlier this season.
— Ugh, Maya sure loves singing in a grating nasal voice in various sketches. Too bad I don’t love hearing it.
STARS: *½


BACKSTAGE
slighted Peyton Manning (SEM) & Donovan McNabb (FIM) meet host backstage

— As I implied in my review of Hilary Swank’s monologue, it feels rare to see a backstage sketch this season.
— Kenan In A Dress alert.
— For some reason, Tom precedes his exit in this sketch by telling the others “I gotta get ready for the next sketch”, even though this is the final piece of the night.
— Right before he leaves, Tom gives Seth’s Peyton Manning a word of advice, which I couldn’t fully decipher, but it seems as if it was supposed to be a comedic line: “Don’t wear that jersey on (word I can’t understand), man. Oof.” What was the word I couldn’t understand in that line? Thanks in advance if anyone can answer.
— Overall, a few chuckles, but not much going on here. Pure end-of-the-show filler.
STARS: **½


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— (*sigh*) YET ANOTHER weak season 30 episode, though this felt a little better than the drab two episodes that preceded this. A few strong and noteworthy highlights tonight, but ultimately, there were still many weak things bogging this episode way down, and we got a consistently forgettable post-Weekend Update half of the show, in which not even the usually-reliable Kaitlin sketch could knock it out of the park for once. (*sighs again*) I’m telling you guys, season 31 cannot come soon enough for me. Mercifully, we’ve only got three episodes left until then.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Cameron Diaz)
a very slight step up


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Johnny Knoxville. We also get a late-in-the-season new addition to the cast. (Hint: the new cast addition just so happens to be somebody I mentioned earlier in this review.)

Posted on

April 9, 2005 – Cameron Diaz / Green Day (S30 E16)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

THE PAPAL DEBATE
Cardinals & Al Sharpton (KET) campaign to become Pontiff in papal debate

— Hmm. Considering this season’s terrible track record with political debate sketches, I can’t say I have high expectations for THIS, even if it’s just a papal debate and not an actual presidential one.
— Why in the world is Kenan doing a facepalm in the opening group shot of his Al Sharpton and all the cardinals together (the second above screencap for this cold opening)? Kenan’s facepalm doesn’t appear to be in character (his Al Sharpton has no shame in randomly being included in this papal debate), and I don’t think Kenan’s even aware that he’s onscreen during this part of the sketch. Is something bothering Kenan in real life that we don’t know about?
— Yeesh, a big gaffe almost right out of the damn gate in this cold opening when Darrell’s Tim Russert introduces Kenan’s Sharpton: instead of cutting to Kenan’s Sharpton, the camera oddly cuts to one of the grizzled old cardinals and displays his name on the bottom of the screen, then awkwardly and slowly pans over to Kenan’s Al Sharpton sitting next to him. Oops. What happened there? Did Darrell accidentally introduce Kenan’s Sharpton too early, forgetting to introduce the old cardinal who the camera cut to before awkwardly panning over to Kenan?
— A decent opening spiel from Kenan’s Sharpton.
— Blah. All the cutaways to grizzled old cardinals just sitting silently whenever they’re asked a debate question are way too overdone in this cold opening and are not funny.
— After Fred’s old cardinal character gives Darrell’s Russert the finger when asking him “Have you ever seen one of THESE?”, I strangely loved Seth’s (as Fred’s translator) very monotone, cornily-delivered “I’ll bet you have. Yeah, I’ll just bet you have.”
— (*groan*) And now they’re overdoing the hell out of both Fred giving people the finger and teen girls in the fake audience cheering wildly for Will’s young cardinal character. Ugh, this cold opening is DEATH.
— Okay, I admit to getting a laugh just now from Fred holding up his index, middle, and ring fingers together and asking Darrell’s Russert to “read between the lines”.
— Given the fact that he has no lines and has nothing to do here, why is Parnell even in this? It makes no sense, given the fact that the other old cardinals who, like his character, are just silently sitting there the entire time in a grizzled, unresponsive manner, are all played by extras or, in one case, a crew member (SNL’s lighting designer Phil Hymes).
— Jesus Christ, end this cold opening already! This is going on too long for something with such a small cycle of tedious gags.
STARS: *½


MONOLOGUE
host claims that, like female cast members, she was a dork in high school

— Rachel randomly sneaking into the background and laughing awkwardly at Cameron Diaz’s lines is fairly funny.
— Ugh, Maya’s 227 joke was hacky as fuck.
— Only some of the obviously-fake high school photos are making me laugh. I got the biggest laugh from Amy’s particularly horrifying photo.
— Aside from the unibrow and light mustache, Tina’s fake high school photo (the third-to-last above screencap for this monologue) actually resembles a real-life driver’s license photo of hers that I remember her once showing on a talk show (my memory of that photo may be faulty, though, as I haven’t seen it in years).
— Something bugged me about Amy’s overly-cutesy delivery of “Oh my god, do not let Justin see that!” (referring to Cameron’s then-boyfriend Justin Timberlake, which may have been intentional foreshadowing of a certain cameo we’re getting later tonight). Same reason her cutesy delivery on Weekend Update this season always bugs me. I still can’t believe this is the same Amy Poehler from the brilliant Upright Citizens Brigade sketch comedy show on Comedy Central. That daring show would look down on the cutesiness and audience-pandering that Amy’s been doubling down on during this season of SNL.
STARS: **½


EXTREME MAKEOVER: HOME EDITION
wife’s (host) illness is a boon for (CHP)

— An interesting time capsule of how annoyingly prevalent the constantly-shirtless and constantly-yelling-through-a-bullhorn Ty Pennington from Extreme Makeover: Home Edition was back in this era. Seth’s portrayal of him here is pretty funny.
— Some good laughs from Chris always downplaying how terminally ill Cameron is, and refusing to tell her what exactly her ailment is.
— Chris’ performance is fun in this sketch. A dad role that Chris actually gets to cut loose in, for once. For some reason, I can imagine Beck Bennett playing this role if this sketch had been performed in more modern times instead of in 2005.
— Some good dark humor from all the vague hints of Cameron’s illness, and Cameron’s increasingly rattled reactions to that.
— Very weak ending with all the listing-offs of Extreme Makeover spin-offs and YET ANOTHER tired display of crying from the guy who Fred is playing.
STARS: ***½


TV FUNHOUSE
by RBS- glasses make Michael Jackson see Webster while dating Tara Reid

— Believe it or not, this is the first TV Funhouse since way back in December of this season. That’s a FOUR MONTH GAP. This has got to be the longest gap between TV Funhouse cartoons on SNL up to this point in SNL’s timeline.
— Our final installment of TV Funhouse’s Hanna-Barbera-esque Michael Jackson series of cartoons. Interesting how these MJ cartoons have only had three installments total, yet they spanned over NINE years, from 1996-2005.
— Funny gag with a little boy being placed on a windowsill like a hot pie, and Michael Jackson then floating in the air towards the boy when he gets a whiff.
— For some reason, the voice for Michael Jackson’s long-white-haired lawyer reminds me of Lorne.
— Not caring for the gag with MJ vomiting for an extended amount of time after hearing he has to date an adult female.
— Great bit about special glasses that make celebrities’ significant other look like what they find most attractive.
— MJ’s idea of Webster at his peak being 1983 B.P. (Before Pubes) was so wrong, but so funny. A lot of people nowadays are going to groan and cringe at all of these now-dated Michael Jackson pedophile jokes, but I’m not bothered when those jokes are actually done/delivered well in my view, such as in this TV Funhouse and in Norm Macdonald’s old Weekend Updates, and NOT in Tina’s Update jokes from this season.
— I love MJ repeatedly babbling “mama-say-mama-sa-mama-coosa” when he’s going through a nervous breakdown.
— I got a good laugh from the ending where, after Webster puts on what he thinks are the special glasses (the aforementioned ones that make people appear more attractive to you) and happily says the glasses make MJ now look like a hot chick, MJ’s lawyer tells the other characters “I don’t have the heart to tell him those are regular eyeglasses.”
STARS: ****


THE BARRY GIBB TALK SHOW
Robin Gibb (Justin Timberlake) & Ann Coulter (Drew Barrymore) on liberals

— Wow, what’s going on? Not only does this one-off Barry Gibb Talk Show sketch from the preceding season return out of freakin’ NOWHERE, but with it, we get cameos from Jimmy Fallon, Justin Timberlake, AND Drew Barrymore. All of these cameos seem very random at first (especially Drew), until you remember that, as I mentioned earlier, Justin and Cameron were an item at this time. Jimmy and Drew, on the other hand, are apparently just there because their movie, Fever Pitch is opening around this time. (Ha, remember the short-lived time when Jimmy was convinced that he could have a successful post-SNL career as a movie star? I highly doubt that he, in 2005, saw “late night talk show host” as his true post-SNL calling. Hell, I doubt ANYONE in 2005 saw that as Jimmy’s true post-SNL calling, though I do recall him previously getting some critical acclaim for his guest-hosting of Letterman back in 2003.)
— Feels odd in retrospect to see Horatio playing Governor Bill Richardson this early. Horatio would later make a cameo appearance on SNL as Richardson during the 2007 presidential primaries, when Richardson was in the race. At that time, I had assumed that was the first time Horatio ever played Richardson, and I figured the only reason he cameoed that night to play Richardson was because of the strong resemblance he and Richardson have to each other. I guess I had forgotten about this Barry Gibb Talk Show sketch, though in my defense, I hadn’t yet known who Richardson was back in 2005.
— As much as I loved the first installment of this sketch, this does not work for me as a recurring sketch. This sketch is DEFINITELY near the top of my “Should’ve stayed a one-off” list.
— Not sure Drew Barrymore’s take on Ann Coulter is working for me. Even though Coulter is certainly always ripe for mockery, Drew’s impression of her is too goofy and cartoonish for my likes, as if Drew is acting on a kids show on Nickelodeon or something.
— There goes Justin Timberlake’s obligatory breaking during one of Jimmy-as-Barry-Gibb’s high-pitched rants.
— Jimmy is at least still giving this performance his all, like in the first installment of this sketch.
— All throughout this sketch, you can hear tons of wild teen girl screams for Jimmy and Justin (which is ironically the exact kind of thing SNL was mocking in the Papal Debate cold opening earlier tonight whenever Will’s young cardinal character was shown). All of the teen girl screams throughout this Barry Gibb sketch are giving me bad flashbacks to the infamous Josh Hartnett episode from season 27.
STARS: **


HOTEL
new manager (CHP) wants to improve the rating of a seedy one-star hotel

— Cameron is overacting here, and it’s kinda grating.
— Ugh at Fred’s predictable line about him also being a prostitute.
— Cameron has been flubbing quite a lot of lines throughout tonight’s episode.
— Didn’t care for the turn at the end with Darrell’s wealthy character.
— The meta Don Pardo-announced “Accommodations for guests of Saturday Night Live are provided by…” ending seems to be an intentional throwback to the days when SNL would regularly show a Don Pardo-announced “Accommodations for most guests of Saturday Night Live are provided by…” promo towards the end of every episode. (They stopped doing those promos somewhere around the mid-90s, I think.)
— Overall, did not care at all for this sketch as a whole. Almost no laughs from me.
STARS: *½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Boulevard Of Broken Dreams”


WEEKEND UPDATE
newlyweds Prince Charles (SEM) & Camilla Parker Bowles (FRA) try to kiss

TIF’s ex JIF exercises visitation rights in Dramatic Weekend Update Play

— Amy’s corny-ass Al Gore joke was groanworthy.
— OH FUCKING NO. The return of Seth and Fred’s Prince Charles and Camilla Parker-Bowles, which you might recall I absolute despised the last time they appeared on Update. Oh, and as an added “bonus”, we get Rob Riggle being wasted in yet another poor non-speaking role.
— Hmm, Rob turns out to have some lines after all.
— For once, this SNL era actually shows restraint from doing YET ANOTHER man-on-man kiss for a cheap, unnecessary laugh, by comically faking us out when it seemed like Seth and Fred were indeed going to kiss each other here. I somewhat give credit to SNL for this restraint, but I still didn’t care AT ALL for tonight’s overall Charles/Camilla commentary.
— Hey, a Fey/Poehler-era Update joke that actually really works for me, with their meta sphincter-bleaching/Happy Birthday bit to Rachel Dratch. I loved that.
— Oof. Of course, right after Tina and Amy’s actually-funny meta joke about Rachel, Amy IMMEDIATELY follows it up with a particularly awful joke. Ugh.
— Man, tonight’s terrible Update jokes are destroying me.
— Hmm, we’re getting an “A Dramatic Weekend Update Play” segment.
— This is only the second-ever instance of the Update tradition of a tree frog joke always getting interrupted by something.
— A very fun mock-dramatic play with Jimmy tensely returning to the Update set as if he’s Tina’s ex-husband making a visit.
— I love the reveal that Jimmy and Tina have a son together. Also, great detail with the son having Jimmy’s trademark messy hair and Tina’s trademark glasses.
— A huge laugh from the son angrily telling Jimmy “I hate Taxi!”
— Now we get a very funny reveal of the son’s name being Lorne. Am I correct in remembering that the series of shorts SNL would later do with Kyle Mooney and Leslie Jones in a relationship with each other would ALSO have their son named Lorne, or am I remembering wrong?
— This overall “A Dramatic Weekend Update Play” segment was EASILY one of the better things to come out of this dreary season of Update, and bumps my rating for tonight’s otherwise-awful Update up a full star.
STARS: **½


WOO! THE MUSICAL
Woo! The Musical features scenes of collegians’ spring break experiences

— Blah, I do not care for this premise.
— Bad timing with the blurring on Cameron when she flashes her chest, as the blurring first shows up too late, mistakenly letting us see that Cameron’s wearing a flesh-colored bra, then the blurring oddly stays onscreen after Cameron runs out of the scene (which I get the feeling she wasn’t supposed to do, thus explaining why the blurring stayed onscreen). This is actually the second time tonight where SNL was late on their cue to blur something out, as the first of many instances of Fred giving someone the finger in the Papal Debate cold opening was blurred out too late, accidentally revealing that Fred is actually just holding up his index finger. These blur gaffes are yet another example of how so many things about this season of SNL feel so sloppy and are such a mess.
— Will and Fred’s scene is YET ANOTHER display of season 30 homoerotic humor for cheap, unnecessary laughs. Way to waste my two favorite cast members of this season, SNL. At least this ended up being tonight’s SECOND instance of SNL faking us out of a man-on-man kiss, with Will and Fred leaning in for a kiss, then refraining. Weird how both man-on-man kiss fake-outs tonight involved Fred.
— And there goes season 30’s obligatory weekly instance of Maya singing.
— The running bit throughout this sketch with the newspaper critic “reviews” never actually critiquing the play was pretty funny at first, but got old after a while.
STARS: *½


SOFA WAREHOUSE
deliverymen (KET) & (FIM) try to dissuade (host) from buying a sofa bed

— Not sure if this is intentional, but this sketch kinda feels to me like a follow-up of sorts to the Martin Luther King Day sketch from this season’s Topher Grace episode, as both sketches have Kenan and Finesse paired together as co-workers who refuse to do their job. I wonder if SNL indeed intended these to be the same characters.
— Like the aforementioned MLK Day sketch, Kenan and Finesse make a fun duo here, and there are some laughs from all the ways they try to convince Cameron why she shouldn’t buy the sofa bed.
— Cameron flubs YET ANOTHER line tonight.
— Ugh, Cameron’s delivery of her angry rant is terrible, as she is, once again tonight, overacting badly. Between this and her fairly constant line flubs, she’s almost single-handedly hurting this otherwise funny sketch for me.
STARS: ***


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Holiday”


SPY GLASS
Desperate Housewives correspondent (host) joins in the pun

— Never realized before how catchy this recurring sketch’s opening theme music is. I picked too late to start getting into that theme music, though, as this ends up being the final Spy Glass sketch.
— Even for this sketch’s standards, Amy seems to be making her already-established character a little TOO cutesy in tonight’s installment, with the way she followed her Nick Lachey/Jessica Simpson news item by making cartoonish “OOOOooooOOOH!” sounds into the camera, which she never did in previous installments of this sketch, while mugging the camera more than usual. That just further proves a point I made earlier in this episode review when I complained about how Amy’s been doubling down on the annoying cutesiness and audience-pandering this season.
— As always, some really solid bad puns delivered expertly by Seth.
— Yeah, Amy is continuing to make those overly-cutesy, cartoonish “OOOOooooOOOH!”-type sounds all throughout tonight’s Spy Glass installment. I’m not caring for that new addition to this recurring sketch, even if it does fit the tone of Amy’s character.
— Wow, the audience is absolutely DEAD during Cameron’s entire scene.
— Horatio’s British Gene Shalit usually works for me in these Spy Glass sketches, but even for Shalit standards, Horatio’s going a little TOO over-the-top in tonight’s installment for my likes.
— Glad to see that my recollection of special guest Jimmy Fallon reprising his British Pat O’Brien role in tonight’s Spy Glass sketch was incorrect. Given the fact that the Pat O’Brien phone sex scandal was happening around this time (which is actually mentioned very briefly in passing during this sketch), I’m kinda surprised (though pleasantly so) they refrained from doing anything with Jimmy’s British Pat O’Brien in this sketch.
— Overall, despite a few things I liked, this Spy Glass installment as a whole felt kinda off, and was a disappointing way for this usually-good recurring sketch to go out.
STARS: **½


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— (*sigh*) Yet another weak season 30 episode. There were a few good things, but, like the preceding episode, barely any of the good things stood out as particularly strong, and there were way too many lowlights scattered all throughout the show. Cameron Diaz was also disappointing in this hosting stint of hers. She had always been known to have a lot of energy and enthusiasm in her previous hosting stints, which is usually at least charming, but her energy and enthusiasm tonight crossed over into bad overacting territory, which annoyed me, as did her constant line-flubbing. You’d hardly guess she was a three-time hosting veteran by this point.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Ashton Kutcher)
about the same


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Tom Brady

Posted on

March 19, 2005 – Ashton Kutcher / Gwen Stefani (S30 E15)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

HARDBALL WITH CHRIS MATTHEWS
Jose Canseco (HOS) & Mark McGwire (ROR) on steroids in baseball

— Funny look on Rob as Mark McGwire.
— Some good laughs from Rob’s McGwire trying to work around answering Darrell-as-Chris-Matthews’ steroid questions by always claiming Matthews asked his questions in the past, and thus, he doesn’t have to answer it.
— I like Kenan’s Sammy Sosa suddenly dropping his fake accent when he thinks he’s off-camera.
— The bits with Horatio’s Jose Canseco are falling incresingly flat.
— Will’s Zell Miller!
— As always, reliably priceless insane shouting from Will’s Miller here, though his dialogue kinda fizzled out towards the end, and he didn’t seem to get anywhere near as purple-faced during his yelling this time (the last above screencap for this cold opening).
STARS: ***


MONOLOGUE
host & old-woman girlfriend Demi Moore [real] pooh-pooh age differential

— A monologue that I recall being memorable and very popular back when this originally aired.
— The huge exaggeration of the age difference between Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore is a premise that I like, and it’s being executed well. I particularly like the way Demi is playing this.
STARS: ***½


ME-HARMONY.COM
Rerun from 2/12/05


OPRAH
John Travolta (DAH) & Julia Roberts (host) bump victim (RAD)

— Amy’s dramatics from the audience are pretty funny so far.
— This appears to be using the same premise as that awful Wake Up San Diego sketch from earlier this season, in which the guest of a talk show is someone who’s house recently burned down (Kenan) and they’re about to be given a gift from the show’s host, which the guest expects to be a new house, only for it to end up being some superficial gift that the guest is disappointed by.
— OH, NO. Not the return of Darrell’s terrible and baffling John Travolta impression.
— Ashton in drag as Julia Roberts? Blah. I do remember someone back at this time in 2005 pointing out how when Ashton entered this sketch as Julia Roberts, he looked eerily like then-recent SNL host Hilary Swank. I can see that.
— Boy, am I not caring for this sketch AT ALL. Not even the reliable Rachel Dratch can save this.
— The over-the-top reactions from Amy in the audience are now starting to come off as a very inferior version of the famous Oprah’s Favorite Things sketch from the preceding season’s Megan Mullally episode.
STARS: *


PUSH-UP CONTEST
(host)’s scheme to instigate an office push-up contest backfires on him

— Hoo, boy. I recall this being a sketch that I hated back when it originally aired, but quite a number of other online SNL fans seemed to really like this sketch. Let’s see how I feel about it now, 15 years later.
— Ugh, I’m already starting to see one of the reasons why I hated this sketch back when it originally aired: Ashton’s delivery throughout this sketch is FUCKING ANNOYING.
— Did they screw up the timing of the clock cutaway when Rachel was about to start her push-ups? They seemed to cut to the clock too early, then briefly cut back to Rachel, who actually hadn’t yet started her push-ups, only to then cut back to the same shot of the clock.
— Yeah, I’m not caring for the structure of this sketch at all, nor the execution of it. This feels boringly repetitive to me, and you get the point of it early on.
— Okay, I did get a laugh from how Ashton’s desperate claim about how they need to get back to work is immediately followed by Chris saying “Don’t worry about it. I’m your supervisor, we’ve got time.”
— The paddleball ending fell flat.
— Overall, it turns out my opinion of this sketch hasn’t changed at all, and I continue to be baffled over why this sketch was so well-liked by SNL fans back in the day (is it still well-liked today?).
STARS: *½


FEDERLINE
Kevin Federline (host) models his line of underwear in bed

— A pretty funny portrayal of that tool Kevin Federline.
— Well-shot commercial.
STARS: ***½


GAYS IN SPACE
crashed ship leads to encounter with studly (SEM) & (ROR)

— OHHH, GOD.
— (*groan*) And there goes season 30’s obligatory weekly instance of Maya singing.
— Overall, nothing to really say about what I just watched. Same deal as the previous time this sketch appeared, where I didn’t get so much as a mere chuckle at this marathon of unfunny gay stereotypes.
STARS: *


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest & Eve [real] perform “Rich Girl”


WEEKEND UPDATE
consumer advocate Henry Payne (KET) settles a complaint with violence

CHP’s ostensible Demi Moore rap veers into his attraction to host

— Ugh, after thankfully moving away from their newfound Daily Show-esque habit of replying to a news clip, the Fey/Poehler era of Update unfortunately reprises it tonight, with an unfunny bit involving Tina and Amy responding to various clips of Robert Blake’s post-acquittal speech. Hell, the actual Robert Blake clips are funnier than any of Tina or Amy’s lame responses to them.
— Hmm, Kenan’s commentary seems like it will be an interesting change of pace for Update, as it had an out-of-the-ordinary set-up.
— Interesting use of Ashton here.
— Meh, Kenan’s segment ended up being nothing great. This seemed like it was going to be much better.
— Yeesh, a lot of particularly weak jokes from Tina and Amy tonight, even weaker than usual. Even the audience’s reactions to some of these jokes are tepid.
— Looks like we’re in for another Chris Parnell Update rap. Not sure whether to look forward to this, after how underwhelming Chris’ last Update rap was, from the Jennifer Garner episode in season 28.
— Very mixed feelings on this rap that Chris is doing right now. Part of me appreciates the change of pace with Chris actually rapping about a man this time, and how over the top he’s going with it in his lyrics, but another part of me just finds this to be YET ANOTHER example of season 30 focusing way too heavily on hacky gay/homoerotic humor for cheap laughs. And do we need A BAZILLION reminders throughout this song that Chris is a heterosexual man (though I know that’s the point)? Oh, and I still say Chris’ best raps are his faster-tempo, more hardcore ones, rather than the slower-tempo, more R&B ones like tonight’s and the Jennifer Garner one.
— Yeah, the more and more Chris’ Ashton Kutcher rap goes on, the more and more I feel this is DEFINITELY not working for me.
— And to make me dislike Chris’ rap even more, we now get the added “humor” of Tina and Amy acting as backup singers/dancers during Chris’ rap.
STARS: *½


CHURCH
at a black church, staid white guest preacher (host) gets into the spirit

— Ugh. There goes Maya using that always-annoying “phlegmy-throated old black lady” voice. I’m telling you guys, Maya has been increasingly getting on my nerves these past few episodes.
— I really like Finesse’s performance here.
— A good use of Ashton’s typical energy, which is coming off enjoyable and welcome in this particular sketch.
— The gag with Ashton jumping out the window was ruined by a technical gaffe in which the camera stayed on the wrong shot by accident.
— After a good first half, this overall sketch started fizzling out a little towards the end, and something about the sketch left me feeling a little wanting.
STARS: **½


ACTION 13 NEWS
fight between anchor (host) & weatherman (SEM) derails local newscast

— I remember someone on an SNL message board back at this time in 2005 complaining that Ashton’s voice in this sketch was so obviously an imitation of Will Ferrell’s voice from the movie Anchorman, which came out the year prior. I kinda see some vocal similarities, but I’m not gonna say anything further.
— Oh, I like this premise with Seth as a bitter, unprofessional weatherman giving zero fucks and just saying whatever the hell he wants.
— Funny cutaway to a speechless Horatio with a sour facial expression immediately after a comment from Amy complaining to Seth about his unromantic choice in the past to take her on a date to Applebees.
— A great frightened little yelp from Seth when Ashton starts to come running for him.
— The portion of this sketch with Ashton chasing Seth around the studio during a newscast is a riot.
— A great sudden tackle of Seth from Ashton diving into the shot out of nowhere.
— An overall fun and solid sketch that’s probably forgotten by most SNL fans nowadays.
STARS: ****


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Hollaback Girl”


NEBULZITOL
(AMP) uses Nebulzitol to cure her husband (WLF) of March Madness

— As I mentioned in my review of the Delta Burke episode from season 16, the Balz-Off commercial from that episode would later be ripped-off in the Ashton Kutcher episode I’m currently reviewing. This Nebulzitol sketch is the rip-off in question. As I also implied in my afore-linked review of the Balz-Off commercial, there’s a certain writer who I have a feeling is the culprit of this possible plagiarism, given what I mentioned about there being multiple instances of this certain writer getting publicly accused of plagiarism for some other sketches he wrote. As you may have already guessed after my review of the Self-Involved Guy sketch from the Adrien Brody episode, the writer in question is James Anderson. However, given how I almost always seem to get proven wrong in the comments section whenever I assume James Anderson wrote a sketch, I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m wrong once again here.
— Yeah, the structure of this sketch is way too similar to Balz-Off to NOT be a direct rip-off. And some aspects of this sketch do have a rather James Anderson vibe to it (particularly the bit about The View).
— Overall, even if this sketch wasn’t a direct rip-off (but I still say it is), this sketch felt VERY inferior to the original Balz-Off. I wonder how I’d feel about this sketch if I had no knowledge of Balz-Off and assumed this was an original idea.
STARS: *½


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A typical bad season 30 episode. Aside from a few things (only one of which stands out as particularly great to me: the Action 13 News sketch), this overall episode had a very forgettable feel. And there were quite a number of things that I strongly disliked.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (David Spade)
a big step down


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Cameron Diaz

Posted on

March 12, 2005 – David Spade / Jack Johnson (S30 E14)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

STEWART RELEASE
Martha Stewart (DAS) addresses her employees after getting out of prison

— Right out of the gate, it’s good to see the underused Rob Riggle get a bit of a laugh from the audience just from his smug news anchor-type smile after signing on at the beginning of this.
— The banter between Rob and Amy is making me laugh.
— Ha, strangely fitting casting of David Spade as Martha Stewart. By the way, it’s good to see David on SNL again, especially during trying times like season 30.
— I love how David is playing Martha in a very David Spade way. It’s working here.
— David-as-Martha’s reaction to Maya sneaking up on her made me laugh a lot.
— This is surprisingly David’s first time ever delivering a solo “Live from New York…”. He previously said it (well, just the “night” part of the phrase) in unison with the rest of the cast and Steve Martin in the legendary Not Gonna Phone It In Tonight cold opening.
— Pretty good opening overall. Right out of the gate, I’m sensing a much better and more fun vibe in tonight’s episode than I got from the entire Hilary Swank suckfest of an episode that preceded this.
STARS: ***½


MONOLOGUE
DAS answers audience questions about his role in Capital One commercials

— David reveals that an SNL “Best Of” special for himself will be airing later in the year and he humorously says he’s only hosting tonight because SNL is two sketches short for his “Best Of”.
— 15 years after this episode, I now strangely no longer have any memory of David’s Capital One ads from this period.
— I can’t help but feel this monologue is a waste of David (why not just let him do stand-up?), but it’s still funny enough.
— The questions-from-the-audience monologue from both Topher Grace’s episode and tonight’s episode makes me realize how fun and likable a lot of this season’s writers come off when appearing onscreen, especially John Lutz, Liz Cackowski, J.B. Smoove, and, of course, Jason Sudeikis (the latter of whom actually isn’t in tonight’s monologue, unfortunately). How can a season with fun writers like this have such poor writing?
— SNL writer Matt Piedmont looks eerily like Dana Carvey here (the second-to-last above screencap for this monologue).
— Paula Pell’s bit was an odd way of setting up David saying the usual “We got a great show, (insert musical guest here) is here, stick around– etc.”, but it strangely kinda worked for me.
STARS: ***


ART DEALERS
(DAS) & (RAD) are weirded out by hospitality overtures of Nuni & Nuni

— Like last time, some fun visuals of the Nunis’ eccentric furniture and the like.
— Some of the repeated bits from the first Nuni sketch, such as the Nunis clarifying to their visitors how to differentiate the pronunciation of their respective name, are ALREADY starting to get a little old for me, but haven’t completely worn out their welcome for me yet. By the third installment of this sketch later this season, however, I’m sure I’ll have officially gotten tired of it.
— Chris is always funny as the shy butler in these sketches.
— I love Chris entering the room wearing multiple bras while asking “Who wants milk?”
— David’s a good straight man here, as no surprise.
STARS: ***


ABC
new TV dramas Deaf Judge (SEM) & Idiot Doctor (DAS) follow Blind Justice

— The Deaf Judge bit started out okay, but the second scene with him didn’t do much for me.
— I love David’s performance as “Idiot Doctor”, though his scene ended weakly.
STARS: **½


STUNT DOUBLE
stuntwoman (AMP) stands in for DAS on the set of a Vin Diesel (HOS) movie

— A funny eventual reveal that it’s Vin Diesel who Horatio is playing.
— I’ve always liked this sketch so much that I won’t let Horatio’s obligatory instance of cracking up at himself right now taint my review of this.
— Vin Diesel: “I do all my own stunts.” David: “(in a disinterested manner while walking away from Vin) Yeah, great. Who does your acting?”
— David: “Zippety-do-dah, mother-humpers!”
— A fun and very amusing sketch so far.
— I particularly love the ridiculous part with Amy gleefully and girlishly swinging on a wrecking ball while saying things like “Wheeee! I’m David Spaaaade!”
— Vin Diesel: “You know, on The Chronicles Of Riddick, I fought fire monsters.” David: “Yeah, I know, Vin. We all read about that in Who Cares Magazine.” This sketch has some great snarky one-liners that fit David’s style so well that you’d think he wrote this sketch himself.
— Solid ending.
STARS: ****½


WOOMBA
— Rerun from 12/18/04.
— Weird hearing Tina’s ending line about “the little pink robot that cleans your noonie” in the same episode that a Nuni sketch appeared in.


HOLDING CELL
overmatched (DAS) tries making (ROR) his bitch in a suburban holding cell

— Fun characterization from David here.
— A good way to get mileage out of the huge size difference between David and Rob.
— Despite the one-note homoerotic premise, which is YET ANOTHER example of this season’s bad hyperfocus on hacky gay humor, David’s performance is making this sketch work. Even his mere physical mannerisms each time he slowly walks over towards Rob is adding a lot to the humor.
— Wow, that ending was awful. How was Rob just saying “Well… thank god that’s over with” supposed to be a way to end a sketch? A possible explanation for the shoddiness of this ending is the fact that this was apparently a last-minute change to this sketch. Reruns of this episode would replace this sketch with the dress rehearsal version, which has a completely different ending. Unfortunately, I can’t remember that ending too well. I think it might have Kenan and Rachel’s security guard characters proceeding to put the moves on Rob’s character after David spent the whole sketch doing that exact same thing. Hmm, not sure that’s any better than the awful ending from the live version.
STARS: ***


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Sitting, Waiting, Wishing”


WEEKEND UPDATE
AMP recounts feud between 50 Cent & The Game in her Hip-Hop Breakdown

Jorge Rodriguez lists problems he encountered while preparing his taxes

— Oh my fucking god. After doing her weekly joke about Michael Jackson being a pedophile (she ain’t no Norm Macdonald when it comes to that type of joke, I’ll just say that), Tina actually CONGRATULATES herself on her “witty” punchline. Ugh. That’s the return of a terrible habit she previously had for a short while towards the end of season 28, and I was hoping she left it there.
— At least tonight’s audience didn’t keep interrupting Amy by laughing when she merely says “Fiddy Cent”, unlike the last time she did a joke where she says that name.
— Hmm, “Amy Poehler’s Hip-Hop Breakdown”? I can’t help but be VERY wary of this segment, but I’ll give it a shot and see how it goes.
— Aaaaaaaaaand, as no surprise to anyone who knows how I feel about the Fey/Poehler era of Update, it turns out that I hated the “Amy Poehler’s Hip-Hop Breakdown” segment. I at least tried to go into it with an open mind, but it just turned out to be a typical display of unfunny Fey/Poehler self-indulgence, and also felt like a variation of an unfunny Update segment Tina and Amy did earlier this season where they act out an incident with 50 Cent on a plane with a terrorist.
— OH, NO. Not the return of Horatio’s tepid Jorge Rodriguez character from the preceding season’s Lindsay Lohan episode. Geez, the return of this character is so half-assed that even the graphic of his name on the bottom of the screen accidentally misspelled his last name (screencap below).

— Feels kinda odd seeing Jorge Rodriguez not playing off of Jimmy Fallon like he did last time he appeared.
— Ugh, like last time, there goes Jorge Rodriguez’s endless listing off of an endless number of things. How the hell is this supposed to be funny?
— I hate myself for actually laughing at Horatio’s way of comically over-pronouncing the “p” in “receipts”.
— Amy’s exasperation during Jorge’s endless listing off of things mirrors my attitude during this commentary.
— And there goes the exact same turn in the last Jorge Rodriguez commentary, where he reveals “I’m looking for Pepe. Anyone seen him?”
— Feels weird in retrospect seeing a cyberbullying mention as early as 2005. I thought the term “cyberbullying” didn’t exist until around 2010. Maybe 2010 was just when cyberbullying incidents started becoming more widespread and more talked-about.
— When this episode originally aired, I remember being disappointed that we ended up getting no Hollywood Minute commentary from David. Am I remembering correctly that it was eventually revealed that a Hollywood Minute commentary actually got cut after this episode’s dress rehearsal?
STARS: **


SEAN PENN’S CELEBRITY ROAST
Sean Penn’s (SEM) humorlessness dooms his roast of Clint Eastwood (DAH)

— Oh, back when this season originally aired, I recall this being a particularly popular sketch among a lot of online SNL fans (myself included), who considered this one of the better sketches of this troubled season. Since this sketch is a parody of such a topical incident with Sean Penn at that year’s Oscars, I’m curious to see if this sketch will still hold up after all these years.
— The depressing punchline to the “A man so black….” joke that Seth’s Sean Penn tells about Bernie Mac is absolutely hilarious.
— I see what Kenan’s going for with his Bernie Mac impression, but ehhh, I’ve seen much better imitations of Mac’s voice. Kenan’s impression is passable enough for this sketch, though.
— Seth’s doing a solid imitation of Penn’s extremely dour, humorless demeanor from that year’s Oscars.
— Fred’s George Carlin impression is slaying me.
— I remember it being pointed out that the prosthetic nose David’s wearing as Owen Wilson has actually been designed to look like a realistic penis, complete with a penis head and a dorsal vein (screencap below, though you might have to enlarge even the full-sized version of it to see the details of the nose better).

— I absolutely howled at the cutaway to Seth’s Penn staring at the camera with an EXTREMELY un-amused, deadpan facial expression (the ninth above screencap for this sketch) after Darrell’s Clint Eastwood does a spit-take in reaction to a dirty joke from David’s Owen Wilson.
— I love Rob-as-Larry-The-Cable-Guy’s delivery of “For cryin’ out loud, you were Spicoli!”
— Seth-as-Sean-Penn’s sign-off towards viewers: “Goodnight… and how DARE you?”
— Overall, it turns out this sketch definitely still holds up for me, and I definitely still consider this one of the better sketches of this troubled season.
STARS: ****½


UPS GUY
UPS guy (DAS) is shot down after asking receptionist (RAD) out on a date

— I really like the structure to this sketch, as well as the slow build-up throughout this. There’s an old-school-SNL feel to this that I like. Doesn’t feel like a typical season 30 sketch at all (which actually can be said about a lot of tonight’s sketches).
— David getting increasingly unsettling in his flirtations with Rachel with each passing day is great.
— I like the subversion right now, with the “Saturday” scene unexpectedly turning out to just be a cleaning lady (Maya) vacuuming Rachel’s currently-unoccupied office, and how the “Sunday” scene features various cleaning ladies partying in Rachel’s still-unoccupied office.
— An SNL crew member’s voice keeps being heard during the scene transitions throughout this sketch (I heard her distinctly say “Stand by” at one point), especially right after the scene of Maya’s cleaning lady character vacuuming the office.
— I love Rachel aggravatedly revealing to David that her name is actually Mary, after he’s been calling her Erica all throughout this sketch.
— I get the feeling a lot of people don’t care for the ending with the building explosion being represented by a tiny model building, but I really liked it. Then again, I’m often a sucker for whenever SNL uses cheap-looking tiny model toys to represent something happening to a building or house (e.g. the Tales Of The Runaway Boulder sketch from season 15’s Robert Wagner episode).
STARS: ****½


JINGLE SINGERS
repertoire of married singers (DAS) & (MAR) comprises commercial jingles

— Oh, no. This looks to be a specific type of “Maya Rudolph Singing Sketch” that I recall SNL doing a lot around this point of the season, and I recall HATING back when they originally aired. (I remember saying to myself back in 2005 that Maya Rudolph Singing Sketches were to this troubled season what Chris Farley Yelling Sketches were to the troubled season 20.) They’re usually James Anderson-written sketches in which Maya plays a washed-up lounge singer-type of character, sometimes a lounge singer-type duo with her and the host. (That being said, I’m not 100% sure if Anderson wrote the particular sketch that I’m currently reviewing, but it’d put money on it that he did. He would also later write a lounge singer duo sketch with Kristen Wiig and Jon Hamm in 2010, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s written a lounge singer sketch for Cecily Strong in more recent years.)
— The name of Maya’s character in this sketch, C.C., is awfully similar to the name of her character, T.T., in that The Best Of T.T. & Mario sketch from just a few episodes prior, which also just so happened to be a James Anderson-written(I think) Maya Rudolph Singing Sketch. I actually like that sketch, though.
— Blah, I don’t care AT ALL for the comedic conceit of this sketch, with Maya and David’s songs being old commercial jingles of theirs.
— Maya’s “funny” singing in this is annoying to me. I’m starting to think I was correct when I said in my last episode review that we’ve officially entered the point of this season where I recall Maya’s frequent singing in sketches starting to hurt the show.
— Overall, not a single laugh from me during this sketch. Leave it to a damn Maya Rudolph Singing Sketch to break the streak of solid sketches in tonight’s episode.
STARS: *


BEAR CITY
by T. Sean Shannon- an anthropomorphic ursine uses the toilet

— Good gag, especially the funny visual of the non-handicapped bear desperately trying to hide when a handicapped bear is peeking into the handicapped stall that the non-handicapped bear is using.
STARS: ***½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest & G. Love [real] perform “Mudfootball”


DIRTBALL AND BURNOUT CONVENTION
redneck (DAS) touts the attractions of the Dirtball & Burnout Convention

— Yet another great role for David tonight, basically playing a variation of Joe Dirt. Some places claim David is playing Joe Dirt in this sketch, but the name of David’s character is never said in the sketch, and the hair is kinda different from Joe Dirt’s hair.
— I love all the redneck convention events David is touting.
— Surprisingly, this is Tina’s FOURTH appearance tonight. Hell, FIFTH if you count the Woomba rerun. Either way, this has got to be an all-time record for most appearances she’s made in a single episode during her tenure as a cast member.
— Such a fun sketch, and a great way to work in almost the entire cast. Even Horatio’s typically-hammy antics made me smile.
— Darrell’s Skeeter character makes another random appearance!
— A funny gaffe where Darrell’s not able to open the beer bottle top like he’s supposed to, then he ad-libs an amused “Some other time!” towards the camera.
STARS: ****


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A solid episode, a lot of strong sketches (some of which are the best of this season), and David Spade’s mere presence seemed to inject this ailing season with a lot of much-needed fun and energy. Not only is this episode a huge turnaround from the dreadful Hilary Swank episode that preceded this, but it’s a breath of fresh air for this season in general. Easily one of the best episodes of this season, and I wouldn’t be surprised if this ends up with the highest rating average out of all my reviews this season, though the Paul Giamatti episode has gotta be up there too.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Hilary Swank)
a huge step up


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Ashton Kutcher

Posted on

February 19, 2005 – Hilary Swank / 50 Cent (S30 E13)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

MICHAEL JACKSON IN NEVERLAND RANCH
in bed with the flu, loopy Michael Jackson (AMP) incriminates himself

— OH, NO. We’re already starting off very rough, with yet another “Michael Jackson In A Tree” variation, which I never like, and starring Amy’s baffling Michael Jackson impression, which I also never like.
— Ugh, the return of Maya’s annoying Latoya Jackson impression from that awful Latoya Jackson Show sketch in the preceding season’s Al Sharpton episode. And for some reason, Maya’s Latoya is using a more staccato voice in tonight’s sketch.
— Ugh again, there goes Maya’s Latoya mentioning that she’s “gig-a-ling” (giggling), which is something she kept saying throughout the aforementioned sketch in the Al Sharpton episode, and drove me nuts. Why does Maya’s Latoya always DO that bizarre “I’m gig-a-ling” thing as Latoya? Is it based on something the real Latoya was known for saying?
— I admit to getting a laugh from Will’s entrance as an adult Macaulay Culkin, just because of how he looks.
— Not caring much for all the various celebrity walk-ons.
— Ugh, yet another celebrity impression I never liked: Darrell’s Geraldo Rivera, which is actually an accurate impression, but SNL’s material for him never makes me laugh.
STARS: *½


MONOLOGUE
host goes backstage to show how cast members prepare for the show

— Interesting seeing a backstage monologue at this point of the show’s run.
— I did not like Maya and Will’s scene at all.
— Kenan In A Dress alert.
— I absolutely love Rachel’s scene, with her drunkenly and angrily telling off a photo of Tina.
— I was about to say how odd and random it is that Seth and Amy are said to be rehearsing a Little Sleuths sketch (a sketch that hasn’t made it to air since its first installment way back when Seth and Amy were only in their fourth episode), but then Hilary Swank tells us “They like to study their old scripts and go over them again and again.”
— Wow, Seth and Amy’s scene was pretty wild. Not sure it was all that funny, though. Seemed too desperate for my likes.
— While I like the format of this monologue, the execution of this is very hit-and-miss with me, with a few more misses than hits.
STARS: **½


GRAYSON MOORHEAD INVESTMENTS
the Grayson Moorhead investment philosophy produces uniquely bad results

— Wow. A very random revival of SNL’s excellent Grayson Moorhead Securities ads from 10 years earlier.
— Jim Downey is playing his role just as well as he did in ’95.
— Overall, this sadly turned out a little on the meh side. There were some laughs, and there was Downey’s typically-funny dry delivery, but this commercial as a whole couldn’t hold a freakin’ CANDLE to the fantastic original Grayson Moorhead ads. The humor here came off kinda desperate (there’s that word again in this review) and a lot less funny compared to the original ads.
STARS: **½


SHEILA CHOAD’S LOS ANGELES FACE
botoxed women have frozen features

— Judging from the random use of the last name Choad (if you don’t know what that word means, Google it, as I don’t feel like explaining it here, and you’ll see why) for Maya’s character, I take it this is a James Anderson-written sketch. IIRC, Anderson would later use the last name Choad for a character played by Kenan in a sketch from more recent years (I can’t remember the sketch, but it might’ve been a game show sketch). Plus, Anderson’s known for using random goofy and sometimes sexually-dirty last names for characters in many of his sketches in general.
— An okay-seeming premise spoofing how overboard women around this time were going with Botox injections.
— I’m now starting to get pretty bored with this sketch, despite amusing performances from everyone. The concept is just too thin to sustain a full 4-minute sketch.
STARS: **


GRAYSON MOORHEAD INVESTMENTS
Grayson Moorhead takes pride in its high risk, low reward track record

— Once again, funny dry delivery from Downey, but the dialogue itself isn’t very funny, especially in comparison to Downey’s hilariously absurd dialogue in the original Grayson Moorhead ads.
— This ad is going on too long for something so meandering and not all that funny.
— Overall, this was even more disappointing than the last one. There’s a reason tonight’s Grayson Moorhead ads aren’t remembered like the original ones are.
STARS: **


HOT PLATES
restaurant patrons are flustered by their unreasonably hot plates

— Ohhho, boy. I recall this being a notorious sketch among online SNL fans back when this era originally aired, as it was considered a nadir of this troubled season. I’ve seen some people come to this sketch’s defense, but I’ve always been on the side that absolutely HATES this sketch.
— One minute into this so far, and all I’ve being seeing is Horatio doing lots of hammy and unfunny bellowing of “HOT PLATES!” in an increasingly goofy-ass voice.
— I see SNL’s wasting Rob Riggle in a poor role as usual, relegating him to playing second fiddle to Horatio Fucking Sanz.
— This sketch needed to cast someone other than Horatio as the main waiter. He is playing this role the absolute WRONG way.
— Not liking any of the characters’ bad “comical” dramatics over how hot their plates are, nor am I liking any of the various special effects of the hot plates.
— Aaaaaand there goes our obligatory instance of Horatio cracking up at himself as usual. Fucking ugh.
— Blah. This sketch is SO dumb, and not the fun kind of dumb (like, say, the Monkeys Throwing Poop At Celebrities sketch I recently reviewed). More like “something that belongs on a lame kids show” kind of dumb.
— I particularly hate the gag right now with Amy being replaced by a skeleton, and Seth’s over-the-top screaming when seeing that. This already-terrible sketch has officially hit rock-bottom for me with that gag.
— Not even the reliable Will Forte could save this wretched sketch with his walk-on at the end as the devil. That devil bit was just as much of a lame cartoonish gag as the rest of the sketch was.
STARS: *


DEBBIE DOWNER
host’s former babysitter Debbie Downer sits next to her at the Oscars

— (*sigh*) As if the preceding Hot Plates sketch didn’t destroy me enough in its overt lameness, now we get FUCKING DEBBIE DOWNER. You guys know how I feel about this character.
— As always, I am absolutely STONE-FACED during Debbie Downer’s usual routine tonight, and continue to be befuddled over what a lot of SNL fans see in this character.
— What was with the lack of a “wah-wahhhhh” sound effect as the camera did a hesitant, half-assed zoom-in on Debbie Downer after her comment about how most of the deaths in the In Memoriam montage were preventable? That seemed like a blooper, but I’m not sure.
— Overall, wow. Even for a Debbie Downer sketch, this was fucking horrible. Not a single highlight to be found. At least the last two Debbie Downer sketches, which I hated, each had ONE highlight that I pointed out in my reviews.
STARS: *


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest & Olivia [real] perform “Candy Shop”


WEEKEND UPDATE
in Central Park, Tom Jankeloff (FRA) surveys opinions regarding The Gates

tired of being typecast, Morgan Freeman (FIM) is ready to do a love scene

— Lame opening joke from Tina about Michael Jackson.
— Another fun new Update character from Fred, and another one that ends up never becoming recurring.
— I love Fred’s way of shouting the words “The Gates” as “THE GYYYAAAAAATES!” That has stuck in my memory over the years ever since this episode originally aired.
— Another pre-taped man-on-the-street bit with Fred that feels like a nice throwback to the man-on-the-street bits Fred was known for doing in his early comedy days before he joined SNL.
— A funny inexplicable In Memoriam montage for Fred’s not-dead character.
— Fred continues to be a rare consistent highlight in this troubled season.
— Not a bad Michael Bloomberg/George Pataki/Harlem joke, but I hated Amy’s delivery of it. It was all wrong for this type of joke.
— Okay, I did like Amy’s on-point delivery of “Ugh, who cares?” during her Britney Spears joke just now.
— I love how the beginning of Finesse’s Morgan Freeman commentary is deviating from the normal format of Update commentaries, with an off-camera Finesse-as-Freeman narrating his own entrance.
— Solid turn in Finesse’s Morgan Freeman commentary, with him expressing a desire to finally do a love scene. I especially love his delivery of “I don’t wanna be Drivin’ Miss Daisy – I wanna be Ridin’ Miss Daisy.”
STARS: **


SEASONS OF LOVE
soap opera actress (host) receives crying lessons from coach (RAD)

— Chris is always perfect at humorously imitating the typical acting in soap operas. Yet another positive Phil Hartman-type trait that Chris possesses.
— Hilary’s first two crying attempts cracked me up, especially her gasping during the second crying attempt.
— Rachel is fantastic as the crying coach, and is stealing this whole sketch.
— This sketch is getting too reliant on mugging for my likes, but Hilary’s giving it her all, and I got a laugh from her random snorting during her finger-biting crying attempt just now.
— Yeesh, the successful crying take Hilary finally does was really dumb and fell completely flat.
— Very weak ending, though, again, Hilary showed commitment to it.
STARS: **½


CITY COURT WITH AARON NEVILLE
Aaron Neville (HOS) warbles more than he adjudicates

— A good imitation of Aaron Neville’s singing by Horatio.
— I like Chris’ voice in this.
— I recall thinking the bit with the gavel slipping twice out of Horatio-as-Aaron-Neville’s buttery hands was a genuine blooper when I first saw this sketch during its original airing, but I now see that it appears to be an intentional gag. The awkward way Horatio executed it and the fact that it resulted in YET ANOTHER obligatory instance of breaking from him (fucking ugh) is probably what made me think it was a real gaffe.
— The Seth/Finesse bit shown during the commercial break fell completely flat.
— Overall, despite a good Aaron Neville impression from Horatio, a funny juxtaposition of Neville as a judge, and some chuckles here and there, this sketch as a whole didn’t do all that much for me. Not awful, just kinda flat. I’m glad this never became a recurring sketch. (I remember thinking at the time this sketch originally aired that this was a poor man’s attempt at a Barry Gibb Talk Show-type of hit in the post-Jimmy Fallon era. Not sure I agree with that assessment of mine anymore, though.)
STARS: **


AFTER THE GRAMMYS
Marc Anthony (FRA) & Jennifer Lopez (MAR) redo their Grammys duet at home

— Oh, I am not liking Maya’s J.Lo impression AT ALL. It’s annoying as hell, and not in a funny or satirical way. Oh, and will someone please tell me why the HOLY FUCK Maya’s speaking in a very heavy Puerto Rican accent? Since when does J.Lo speak like that? If Maya’s only adding the Puerto Rican accent to make her J.Lo impression “funny” and “satirical”, it is absolutely not working. I also remember this being around the point where Maya’s constant singing on the show this season started increasingly getting on my and some others’ last nerve. (Maya sings at least once in literally EVERY SINGLE EPISODE in the second half of this season starting with the Paul Giamatti episode, I kid you not. I remember how much that irked the living hell out of me and a number of other online posters on an SNL message board back when this season originally aired.)
— This Marc Anthony role is a complete waste of Fred’s talents.
— Has Hilary been showing cleavage in every single sketch tonight?
— Hilary’s performance as Loretta Lynn is pretty fun, but I’m not caring for the material she’s been given at all.
— Yikes. What in the world happened when Hilary came running back into the room just now? She started saying a line, then suddenly stopped mid-sentence VERY awkwardly and then paused for an uncomfortably long time while looking at something off-camera (the last above screencap for this sketch; is she looking at the cue cards, perhaps?), then finally finished her line. WTF?!? Did she lose her place on the cue card or something? Whatever the hell happened, that was a PAINFUL moment. I’ve seen some people say they find this blooper funny and kinda charming, but this blooper just makes me cringe hard.
— That’s the end of the sketch?!?
— And the sketch is over, without me laughing a single time during it, nor understanding what the hell the premise or comedic conceit of it was even supposed to be. This overall sketch was fucking AWFUL, especially Maya’s very annoying and cringeworthy take on J.Lo, and Hilary’s also-cringeworthy blooper.
STARS: *


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Disco Inferno”


PROJECT RUNWAY
Heidi Klum (host) gives designers their latest assignment

— (*groan*) Now we get a parody of a reality show I have no familiarity with, which means I probably won’t get this spoof of it. We’ll see, though.
— Another pretty fun performance from Hilary.
— Maya’s bit as one of the Project Runway contestants got absolute SILENCE from the audience, while all the other cast members playing Project Runway contestants have gotten a big recognition laugh from the audience.
— As no surprise, I have no idea who any of these contestants being impersonated are, and they’re being impersonated in a way that seems to be mocking very specific things they’re known for doing/saying on Project Runway. Just as I was afraid of, this sketch is going completely over my head as an outsider to Project Runway.
— Hilary’s portrayal of Heidi Klum continues to give me my ONLY amusement in this sketch.
STARS: *½


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— In a word: yikes. Not a good episode. AT. ALL. In fact, I don’t think I gave a passing rating to ANY segments tonight, which is a rarity in my reviews. In fact, it may be a first. (Hell, even in my notoriously low-rated reviews of infamous episodes like Paul Reiser and Deion Sanders from season 20, I at least gave a passing rating to Norm Macdonald’s Weekend Update.) And the absolute worst sketches of the night weren’t just bad; they were particularly and painfully awful (Hot Plates, an even-less-funnier-than-usual Debbie Downer, and After The Grammys). This may possibly be not only my least favorite episode of this season, but may also possibly be one of the worst episodes I’ve ever reviewed, even though it’s CERTAINLY not anywhere near as disastrous as the aforementioned Paul Reiser and Deion Sanders episodes. If I have to say anything positive about this episode as a whole, it’s that Hilary Swank, despite some faults, was a pretty fun and energetic host (much better than I remember finding her when this episode originally aired), who was unfortunately saddled with lots of poor material.
— As I hinted at the end of my last episode review, this episode pretty much BROKE me the night it originally aired, and caused me to reach my absolute boiling point with season 30’s poor quality. I had absolutely HAD IT with this season by that point. After suffering through this episode the night it originally aired, I basically threw my hands up in the air and gave up on this season. Oh, I continued to watch the rest of the season, but I had absolutely NO enthusiasm for the show anymore and would watch the remainder of season 30 with a very sour and miserable attitude (for example, going into every episode basically saying to myself “[*sigh*] Let’s get this over with”, which is never a good way to watch SNL), expecting everything in the show to suck. (I wonder if all of this is the same approach loyal SNL viewers took after reaching their respective boiling point with the notorious season 20 back when it was originally airing.) That negative way of viewing those episodes carried over into the episode reviews I did back then (link here), as most of my reviews for the post-Hilary Swank episodes of this season got more and more half-assed to the degree that, starting with the Cameron Diaz episode in April, I officially gave up on doing full sketch-by-sketch reviews that season, opting instead to just do extremely short “reviews” that only consisted of me quickly summing up each episode as a whole by listing the episode’s highlights and lowlights, and listing the sketches that each cast member appeared in that night (the latter of which was something I regularly did in my old reviews). That just goes to show you how much I hated this season when it originally aired – I, a dedicated SNL fan who had loyally been doing episode reviews for five seasons by that point, couldn’t even be bothered to do full reviews anymore during season 30’s final two months. Going back to me officially reaching my boiling point with this season after this Hilary Swank episode originally aired, what made my boiling point towards this season even worse is that, the day after this Swank episode originally aired, NBC premiered an “SNL: The First Five Years” documentary (the first of a chronological series of famous Kenneth Bowser-made SNL documentaries that each cover a decade of the show). Until this documentary aired, I hadn’t had much exposure to the original SNL era. Watching the documentary and discovering just how funny, fresh, innovative, and intriguing SNL was in the 70s made the then-current season 30 look EVEN WORSE to me than it already did, and made me FULLY realize the low effort SNL was putting into season 30, which furthered my frustration towards it.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Jason Bateman)
a big step down


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
David Spade

Posted on

February 12, 2005 – Jason Bateman / Kelly Clarkson (S30 E12)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

PRESS CONFERENCE
nuke-wielding Kim Jong Il (HOS) makes demands at fawning press conference

— Seth reprises his Brian Williams impression for the first time since Seth was only in his fourth episode on SNL.
— (*groan*) Looks like I’m in for a typical Horatio Sanz ham-fest and shout-fest.
— Four minutes into this sketch, and all I’ve been seeing is a whole bunch of tepid, unfunny dialogue, a whole bunch of bad Asian accents, and, of course, Horatio both hamming and screaming it up.
— Overall, no. Didn’t enjoy a moment of this.
STARS: *


MONOLOGUE
host & AMP plug Arrested Development so that it won’t be cancelled

— The mentions of Jason Bateman’s Arrested Development co-star Will Arnett being Amy’s husband reminds me that Arnett actually made a cameo in a dress rehearsal sketch from this episode (an award show sketch, I think), but it got cut from the live show. Odd how they would cut a Will Arnett cameo from the live show.
— Jason, on Arrested Development being up against Extreme Makeover: Home Edition: “Who’s gonna watch us when they can watch a hot shirtless guy build a skate ramp for a kid with no bones?”
— Amy’s pretty funny throughout this monologue.
STARS: ***


ME-HARMONY.COM
me-Harmony.com matches narcissists with their opposite-sex alter egos

— Blah. I find this comedic premise weak, and basically just a cheap excuse to throw everybody into drag.
— Will Forte in drag is a pretty horrifying sight.
— Oh, and because this is fucking season 30, we have to end this commercial with a token gay joke, with the lame he-harmony gag with Seth. Ugh. Also, they didn’t even try to make Seth’s gay clone look like he was realistically standing behind him, unlike how they made everybody else realistically look like they were interacting with their opposite-gender clone. Seth looked like he was standing in front of some cheap projector that was showing his gay clone.
STARS: *½


MONKEYS THROWING POOP AT CELEBRITIES
Sean Connery (DAH) gets hit

— Okay, we definitely need to discuss this sketch. This sketch seems to have a negative reputation among a lot of (or is it just some?) hardcore online SNL fans, and seems to be considered a nadir of this season. At the risk of getting stones thrown at me (or, more fittingly, poop thrown at me), as I go through the sketch, I will proceed to argue all the reasons why I’ve always felt this is actually a good sketch.
— I absolutely love the opening shot of this sketch, with Chris, dressed like a rich snob (complete with a smoking pipe, a great little detail), saying into the camera with a very deadpan voice and face “And now, it’s time for Monkeys Throwing Poop At Celebrities.” I can’t think of a more perfect way to open a sketch that has such an iffy and off-putting subject matter. Chris’ reliable, Phil Hartman-esque deadpan is perfect here. (I know, I know. Some of you reading this probably don’t want to imagine Phil Hartman being in a sketch like this.)
— Speaking of Chris, after his aforementioned intro at the beginning of this sketch, I like the subsequent theme song sung by him in the opening title sequence.
— Jason’s kinda stumbly with his lines early on in this.
— A rare non-Celebrity Jeopardy appearance from Darrell’s Sean Connery.
— Right from Darrell-as-Connery’s entrance, I love him immediately halting the proceedings and being very suspicious of what this show is about, and questioning so many things about the show. The way Darrell is playing this so sternly and tensely is cracking me up, and is really making this sketch work so well.
— Darrell’s Connery finally getting poop thrown at him, and him jovially laughing about it isn’t quite as hilarious as I had remembered it, but it’s still working for me.
— I was about to say that the preview of the next episode, with celebrities such as Carrot Top (Seth) and Sharon Stone (Amy) getting poop thrown at them, was pushing it and wasn’t necessary, but then the final shot in that preview, with Kenan as Bill Cosby getting poop thrown right onto his forehead and it sticking on there while he stares at the camera in a deadpan manner with a cigar in his mouth, is an unforgettable image to me and got me back to laughing.
— Overall, yep. I like this sketch. In the past, I used to feel that the people who hate this sketch aren’t giving the actual content of it a shot and are just unfairly judging it by its mere juvenile premise combined with the fact that it’s airing in a bad season like this. In more recent years, I’ve come to accept the fact that people who hate this sketch perhaps ARE fairly judging this sketch as a whole, not just the juvenile premise, and they simply don’t enjoy the sketch at all. I can understand that. However, I personally will defend this sketch to the grave.
STARS: ***½


AN IMPORTANT MOMENT IN BLACK HISTORY
Kenny Wilkins (FIM) nixes skydiving

— Will looks like he’s wearing his John George Peppers wig from the famous Key Party sketch, only with sideburns added.
— I love Finesse’s sudden outburst of “HELL NO!”
— Very funny ending with a text crawl revealing that what we just saw was the first black man to say no to a recreational activity only a white man would think to do.
STARS: ****


THE BEST OF T.T. & MARIO
T.T. (MAR) & Mario’s (KET) songs all refer to getting freaky

— The sudden “booty so tight” turn in Maya and Kenan’s first song made me laugh.
— I love how the sexual song right now about “putting it in” suddenly ends with the blunt lyric “JUST A TIP!”
— I like the Kenan and Maya’s monotone “Oh my god, it’s an earthquake” tacked on at the end of an otherwise very unrelated raunchy song for an earthquake movie.
— The intros with Jason and Amy are increasingly hilarious.
— Kenan and Maya’s scenes are kinda hit and miss, but the hits are really working for me.
STARS: ***½


SUBWAY PERFORMERS
subway passenger (host) empties his wallet for pushy in-car performers

— Lots of pairings of Amy and Jason tonight, possibly because of Jason’s Arrested Development co-star being Amy’s husband. I remember some online SNL fans back at this time in 2005 wondering if Amy and Jason constantly playing a romantic couple is SNL’s way of playfully trolling Arnett.
— A laugh from the obvious made-up charity that Finesse says he and the young boy with him are collecting money for.
— Finesse and the young boy’s choreography is pretty funny.
— I’m enjoying all of Rachel’s harsh one-liners to the various subway performers.
— When Jason and Amy try to pretend they’re not there so Kelly Clarkson’s blind character won’t ask them for money, I love Clarkson’s stern delivery of “Pay up, I can smell you.”
— Weak ending.
STARS: ***


AN IMPORTANT MOMENT IN BLACK HISTORY
Kenny Wilkins nixes direct deposit

— Finesse’s sudden delivery of “HELL NO!” continues to crack me up, even though it’s just the same joke from last time. Could’ve done without the subsequent text crawl being the exact same from last time, though.
— I remember an online SNL fan back at this time saying this Important Moment In Black History runner felt too much like an inferior imitation of the type of biting racial humor that was regularly seen at the time on Chappelle’s Show. I can see that, but I’m still enjoying this Important Moment In Black History runner on its own merits.
STARS: ***


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Since U Been Gone”


WEEKEND UPDATE
Prince Charles (SEM) thinks Camilla Parker Bowles (FRA) is quite a catch

TIF & AMP sing “War Is All Around” in honor of Condoleezza Rice

not wanting to anger Bill Cosby, KET passes on a chance to denigrate him

— Blah at that clapter-inducing anti-Bush joke of Tina’s.
— Did we really need extended audience laughter from Amy’s tepid joke implying Howard Dean has no neck?
— The apple-eating/knife bit between Tina and Amy was weak, especially Amy’s stupid extended nervous babbling of a cartoonish “Hupupupupup!”
— OH FUCKING NO. The debut of Seth and Fred’s Prince Charles and Camilla Parker-Bowles Update commentaries. I absolutely hate these, mainly for a reason that I’ll state when it occurs in tonight’s commentary.
— An okay ad-lib from Seth after he messes up a line.
— OH, GOD. And there goes the main reason I hate these awful Charles/Camilla commentaries: the cheap, hacky, and unfunny punchline being a man-on-man kiss between Seth and Fred, which is all this whole commentary seemed to be leading up to. As if this SNL era (particularly this season) hadn’t ALREADY been relying way too goddamn heavily on the “hilarious” and “shocking” sight of men kissing each other for a cheap, unnecessary laugh.
— Boy, I am HATING most of Tina and Amy’s jokes tonight, even moreso than usual in the Fey/Poehler era of Update.
— Oh, no. Now I have to sit through Tina breaking out into a song?
— Ugh, that whole bit with Tina and Amy singing an altered version of the Mary Tyler Moore theme song during a Condoleezza Rice photo montage was awful, as was Amy’s dumb and unfunny ad-lib afterwards about how she and Tina look like synchronized swimmers in the freeze-frame of them throwing their hats into the air. Jesus Christ, tonight’s Update is destroying me with how bad it is.
— I see this must’ve been when the Bill Cosby rape allegations first started, 9 long years before those allegations started being taken much more seriously (thanks to SNL’s own Hannibal Buress, IIRC), leading to Cosby eventually being found guilty and sentenced to prison.
— Kenan’s brief appearance during Tina and Amy’s Bill Cosby bit feels kinda odd to watch now. To think now that there was once a time where Kenan wanted to refrain from making jokes about Bill Cosby’s rape allegations because Kenan wanted to continue working in Bill Cosby projects like the Fat Albert movie he had then-recently starred in. If he only knew…
— Tina and Amy’s losing streak in tonight’s Update continues, as their whole Bill Cosby bit did not work for me. Seemed mostly like YET ANOTHER excuse for lame Fey/Poehler self-indulgence, with them wasting airtime by taking turns doing bad Cosby impressions for half a minute.
— I will say that I did like Tina’s Tracy Morgan joke just now.
— And tonight’s Update has mercifully ended. Overall, oof. What a wretched Update, and further backs up my viewpoint that the Fey/Poehler era was a Dark Age for Weekend Update.
STARS: *½


GAYS IN SPACE
homosexual rocketmen encounter sperm-seeking lesbians

— I’ll say for the second time tonight: OH FUCKING NO. The debut of a recurring sketch that I’ve always despised with a fiery passion, and consider to be the bane of season 30’s aforementioned hyperfocus on hacky stereotypical gay humor.
— Did Jason just say “Bokay” instead of “Okay” just now? That would later become a somewhat common thing Kenan would later say in the Deep House Dish sketches (another recurring sketch I’ve always despised with a fiery passion).
— Literally NOTHING in this awful marathon of gay stereotypes is working for me. This sketch represents so many things I hate not only about this season of SNL, but about James Anderson’s tendencies as a writer.
STARS: *


LOOPING SESSION
in the voiceover booth, Bill Kurtis (DAH) mixes graphic script & chitchat

— I love how Darrell’s Bill Kurtis is constantly and seamlessly going back-and-forth between having a family-friendly conversation with the technicians and reading the increasingly disturbing and graphic murder details into the microphone. This is being executed really well, especially considering this is a later-era Darrell Hammond performance, long after he started seeming checked-out as a performer. His performance and timing in this sketch is top-notch.
— Hmm, maybe I spoke a bit a little too soon about Darrell putting rare effort into this sketch, as he didn’t even commit to that guitar ending. He can be seen IMMEDIATELY putting the guitar back down before the screen even faded to black. Certainly not a big deal, though, and has no effect on this strong sketch.
— Overall, a forgotten and underrated sketch.
STARS: ****


AN IMPORTANT MOMENT IN BLACK HISTORY
Kenny Wilkins nixes sushi

— Once again, the same “HELL NO!” gag as the last two times, but the funny sushi-eating premise of this one made it funny. However, this runner would probably be better if, instead of always showing the very first instance of a “HELL NO!” in different situations, the second and third installment of this runner showed the very first instance of other black phrases.
STARS: ***


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Breakaway”


RAP NIGHT WITH CHUBB HOTTY
Chubb Hotty sings a duet with his girlfriend (musical guest)

— FUCKING KILL ME. This dreck again.
— When Horatio’s Chubb Hotty made his entrance in this sketch, what was with the awkward way the curtain he was standing behind raised up in the air, then got pulled to the side? Was that an intentional joke? If so, it came off completely half-assed and poorly executed.
— Like last time, Kenan is the only thing that comes even remotely close to holding this horrible sketch together, especially his solid delivery of his line about Chubby Hotty eating Free Willy in front of kids at Sea World.
— Chubb Hotty: “Yesterday, I took a poop the size of a Hyundai.” Again, I ask: FUCKING KILL ME.
— That pre-taped behind-the-scenes video was awful.
— Aaaaaaaand there goes the obligatory huge fart in tonight’s Chubb Hotty sketch.
— Wait, you mean to tell me we get MULTIPLE huge farting this time, instead of just one huge fart like we got in the first installment of this sketch?!? I ask one more time in my review of this sketch: FUCKING KILL ME.
STARS: *


PUBLIC SPEAKING CLASS
students at a public speaking workshop exhibit presentational defects

— After two consecutive episodes of being stuck in Non-Speaking Bit Role Hell, Rob Riggle finally gets another chance to remind the audience that he’s actually funny.
— I’m enjoying how the performers in this sketch are each getting a comedic showcase one-by-one that’s different from one another.
— Yet another romantic pairing of Jason and Amy. Yep, I’m starting to see what some people meant by SNL playfully trolling Will Arnett.
— SNL saves the best for last, as the underrated Chris Parnell absolutely steals this whole sketch with his very funny Gesture Dyslexia bit.
STARS: ***½


GOODNIGHTS

— A noteworthy unplanned and funny moment during these goodnights: as Jason is crouching down and acting playfully with the monkey from the Monkeys Throwing Poop At Celebrities sketch, the monkey suddenly swipes his arm kinda violently towards Jason’s face (not making actual contact) (the third above screencap for these goodnights), leading to Jason making a very amused and surprised “Ohhh!” face towards the audience (the fourth above screencap for these goodnights), and Rachel to put her hands over her own mouth in a shocked “Oh my god” manner. The camera then cuts to a different part of the home base stage, where Amy is seen looking up at the monitor and laughing her ass off at the monkey incident (the last above screencap for these goodnights). Great little goodnights moment here.

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A lot of people seem to consider this episode to be a nadir of season 30. I feel like where you stand with this episode might also just so happen to depend on whether or not you like Monkeys Throwing Poop At Celebrities. (I’m not implying that sketch ALONE makes one like or dislike this entire episode; just that, from what I’ve seen, people who strongly dislike this episode also don’t seem to like that sketch.) I like that sketch, and I happen to feel this episode as a whole is okay-ish…for THIS season’s standards. That’s pretty much damning with faint praise, though. I’m apparently in the minority in not finding this episode to be among the worst of season 30. What can I say? While I found this episode to be somewhat hit and miss (especially the post-Weekend Update half of the show), the hits outnumbered the misses for me. However, it needs to be said that most of the misses were not only weak; they were fucking WRETCHED, particularly an even-worse-than-usual Fey/Poehler Update, and two of my absolute least favorite recurring sketches from this period of SNL (Gays in Space, Chubb Hotty), both recurring sketches of which epitomize so much of what’s wrong with this season.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Paris Hilton)
a mild step up


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Hilary Swank. The way a lot of people feel about the Jason Bateman episode is how *I* feel about this Hilary Swank episode. This episode pretty much BROKE me when it originally aired and led to me reaching my official boiling point with season 30, which I’ll be going into some detail about in my review of this episode.

Posted on

February 5, 2005 – Paris Hilton / Keane (S30 E11)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

AMERICAN IDOL
awful contestants want to be the next William Hung

— Though a typical hammy Horatio Sanz performance from around this time, his ridiculous singing of “Jenny From The Block” is making me laugh. I also think one of his dance moves here would later be recycled by him in the opening title sequence of the Carol sketches from the following season.
— Ehh, Horatio’s talking-to-the-judges bit is going on too long.
— Fred exuberantly singing with a voice box is hilarious.
— Another funny use of Rachel’s everlasting deformed baby character, and it’s nice to see this character say “Live from New York…” for once.
STARS: ***


MONOLOGUE
KET brings Chihuahua Jose Cuervo to chat with host’s dog Tinkerbell

— The first words out of Paris Hilton’s mouth in this monologue: “That’s hot.” UGGGGHHHH. Talk about immediately setting a bad tone for tonight’s episode.
— Not sure I care for the focus of this monologue being the dogs communicating with each other, but then again, if this is SNL’s deliberate way of giving Paris very minimal airtime in her own monologue, then I guess I can’t complain much.
— Blah. As it turns out, I’m not sure how much better of an alternative this dog conversation monologue is. I’m not laughing much here.
STARS: *½


CHEAPKIDS.NET
cheapkids.net offers shoddy kids items for parents who can’t be bothered

— Why does the name Gary B. Anthony sound familiar to me?
— Some pretty good laughs from the cheap childrens items on display, especially the pre-owned pacifiers.
— A good dark ending with the sound of an off-camera power drill starting up shortly after the baby sticks the drill’s plug into a socket.
STARS: ***½


VERSACE SKIING
in Switzerland, Donatella Versace (MAR) skis with host & Elton John (HOS)

— Ugh.
— Surprisingly, this is the first Versace sketch in an entire year. I guess even SNL themselves have realized how extremely played-out these sketches have become.
— I admit to getting a laugh just now from the stock footage cutaway of “Versace” skiing.
— Only 13 minutes into tonight’s SNL episode, and Paris has already said the word “hot” WAY too much. I know “That’s hot” is her famous catchphrase and everything, but come the hell on.
— Oh, god. There goes the typical unfunny back-and-forth parade of “bitch” utterances that usually occurs in a Versace sketch during an argument between Versace and someone else.
— Maya’s utterance of “Get out” after pushing Paris off the slope came off particularly half-assed and too thrown in as an afterthought.
— Ugh, cue Horatio’s Elton John and a whole bunch of obligatory, lazy gay sex jokes.
— Maya’s Versace seems more self-aware than usual in this installment.
— What was with the “To be continued…?” ending. When this episode originally aired, that “To be continued…?” ending of this sketch scared me into thinking we were getting a continuation of this wretched sketch later tonight. Thankfully, that turned out to not be the case, but it also renders the “To be continued…?” ending pointless and random.
STARS: *½


PURSE SHOPPING
(host) & Starkisha vie to buy purses that are out of their price ranges

— Oh, god. Starkisha. Between Versace and now this, is tonight’s episode breaking out ALL of my least favorite recurring sketches of this era? As if Paris hosting wasn’t enough to make this episode unwatchable for me.
— Finesse In A Dress alert.
— After Paris fools Starkisha by pulling a “rabbit season, duck season” move on her during their back-and-forth arguing, I love Kenan telling Starkisha “Yo, you just Bugs Bunny-ed!”
— Paris isn’t believable at all here as a character who would balk at a purse being very expensive.
— Most of the phone conversation between Starkisha and Kenan fell flat for me.
— I love Seth’s deadpan wallet check. Kenan subsequently doing a “black” version of the same thing didn’t work and his delivery was weak.
STARS: **


CHEAPKIDS.NET
cheapkids.net says “When it comes to your children, why pay more?”

— A funny opening visual of Seth and Amy’s horribly sunburnt children.
— A lot of laughs from the spelling errors in the displayed baby book.
— Some more decent dark humor, much like the first cheapkids ad.
— Both of these cheapkids ads have ended so awkwardly, with absolutely no applause from the audience.
STARS: ***½


EXCLUSIVE CONNECTIONS
phone sex line caters to fantasy & sci-fi geeks

— A very solid concept.
— A lot of laughs from the various phone sex conversations and how they’re each relating to a specific sci-fi show/movie.
— A particularly funny part with Horatio’s Star Trek geek giving himself a “Vulcan nerve pinch”, even causing a rare crack-up from the usually-professional Maya.
— Very well-done sketch overall.
STARS: ****


TRUMP FAMILY
Donald Trump’s (DAH) new wife Melania (host) meets his children

— In an episode hosted by Paris Hilton, I don’t need to be reminded of another nightmare SNL host: Donald Trump.
— All of Trump’s kids being portrayed as speaking just like him feels like a bit of a precursor to SNL’s later Walken Family Reunion sketch.
— Seth’s Trump voice actually isn’t bad. Not too sure about Fred or Maya’s attempts, though.
— This “Trump’s kids talking like him” gimmick has already gotten old, as it’s too thin a premise, without the fun hook of the aforementioned Walken Family Reunion sketch.
— What’s the point of the repeated gag with Paris-as-Melania’s rising big skirt revealing her legs whenever she sits down?
— Overall, didn’t care for this.
STARS: *½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Somewhere Only We Know”


WEEKEND UPDATE
Donovan McNabb’s (FIM) mother (KET) makes Super Bowl predictions

(FRA)’s fellow munchkin (RAD) falls from the Weekend Update desk

hometown fans AMP & TIF do a Point-Counterpoint about Super Bowl matchup

— Kenan In A Dress alert.
— A pretty good laugh from Kenan-as-Charline-McNabb’s blunt comment about how the Eagles are gonna get their asses whooped without Terrell Owens.
— Well…this segment with Fred and Rachel as random tiny characters is certainly different.
— I do love the nod to SNL’s past, with Tina’s line about how Fred and Rachel’s tiny characters have been in SNL’s studio since the 70s after crawling up with Elliott Gould’s mustache.
— Not sure I care for the ending of the Fred/Rachel commentary, with Fred’s character trying to get the ladies to do perverted moves.
— This Point/Counterpoint between Tina and Amy, with them using the regional accent of their respective hometown of Philadelphia and Burlington, New England while debating each other about the then-upcoming Eagles/Patriots Super Bowl, is basically a little-known precursor to a very famous sketch SNL would later do in a Natalie Portman-hosted episode from 2018, in which 18th century colonists from Philadelphia and Boston have a heated debate with each other about their respective towns, making many illusions to 2018’s then-upcoming Eagles/Patriots Super Bowl. Tina even cameos in that sketch as one of the Philadelphia colonists, though instead of getting an Amy cameo as one of the Boston colonists, we get a cameo from also-real-life-Bostonian Rachel.
STARS: **½


MERV THE PERV
flashback shows cheerleader (host) nearly went to prom with Merv The Perv

— I always get a kick out of that theme song.
— Interesting change of pace with us seeing a flashback of Merv The Perv in 1985.
— The way Paris is positioned feels odd and awkward, with the way she’s facing and speaking right into the camera instead of facing Seth and Chris while speaking to them all throughout this sketch. I’m assuming she was given directions to face and speak into the camera, but it still makes no sense to me.
— The usual funny one-liners from Merv The Perv.
— At the end of this sketch, while Merv is saying his ending one-liner into the camera, Paris walks RIGHT PAST THE CAMERA, blocking Chris for a millisecond.
STARS: ***


CHEAPKIDS.NET
cheapkids.net sells expired children’s medications at rock-bottom prices

— Chris has been getting a lot more airtime than usual tonight. This is very nice to see after he’s been VERY invisible the last few episodes prior to this. Tonight’s episode happens to be on Chris’ birthday (February 5), which almost makes me wonder if that’s the reason for his increase in airtime, but I doubt it.
— Like the last two cheapkids ads, some good laughs throughout this, though I’ve pretty much run out of things to say about these ads.
— Aaaaaand again, this ends without any audience applause, though it didn’t feel quite as awkward this time.
STARS: ***½


RAFAEL ALONZO’S I.T.F. TECHNICAL COMPUTER INSTITUTE
Rafael Alonzo (FRA) can’t overemphasize your need to learn computers

— I’ve always found this one-off performance from Fred to be very memorable and hilarious, especially his delivery of “You have to learn computeeeerrrrrs!”
— This is the SECOND consecutive episode in which Rob Riggle makes his only appearance of the night doing practically nothing with no lines at all. Jesus Christ, SNL. Just when it seemed like he was finally starting to get funnier and funnier roles, with Leviticus in the Robert DeNiro episode and Howard Dean in the Topher Grace episode, SNL has to suddenly interrupt his good progress by reducing the man to being nothing but a non-speaking extra for two consecutive episodes.
— I love the listed-off things of incredibly basic computer things the institute teaches you.
— An overall intentionally simplistic, dumb, and silly sketch, but I found it to be very funny. Fred excels at making offbeat stuff like this work in these early years of his SNL tenure. Like a lot of what Will Forte does, this type of Fred Armisen sketch is probably an acquired taste, but it’s right up my alley. Stuff like this is why, back when this season originally aired, I considered Fred and Will to be the only two consistently-reliable saving graces of this weak season.
STARS: ****


INSIDE BARBIE’S DREAMHOUSE
vintage Barbie (AMP) catches Ken (WLF) cheating with a new Barbie (host)

— Odd how this one-off sketch from a 2002 Britney Spears episode has returned after THREE SEASONS. I guess SNL brought this sketch out of the mothballs tonight because they figured Paris would be very fitting in a literal plastic role like Barbie.
— Like last time, good detail in the way the doll characters stiffly walk and move their limbs.
— For some reason, that visual of Amy-as-Barbie’s dot-filled bald spot on her head made my skin crawl (the fourth above screencap for this sketch).
— A laugh from the visual of a Paris Hilton mannequin turning her head all the way to the other side.
— I like Amy’s Barbie sternly asking Will’s Ken if Paris’ Barbie showed him her “Made In China”.
— I could do without the tedious running gag of a commercial jingle playing every time a Barbie accessory is mentioned.
— Did I just see Paris blatantly use her real right arm to grab back her fake right arm after it got pulled off?
— Overall, despite some laughs, there were a lot of things in this sketch I didn’t care for, and the sketch as a whole didn’t work anywhere NEAR as well as the solid first installment of this sketch with Britney.
STARS: **


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Everybody’s Changing”


BAR
Yinzer (SEM) gets nowhere while trying to pick up (host) in a NYC bar

— A character piece for Seth in a bit of a slice-of-life vein.
— Boy, Paris is particularly wooden as hell in this sketch, even for her standards.
— I don’t like the running bit throughout this sketch with Seth leaning in for a kiss with Paris.
— Not a bad characterization and voice from Seth, and I appreciate the attempt at a realistic, somewhat slice-of-life piece, but ehhh, this sketch is not doing much for me. I guess sketches with one loser speaking endlessly to a silent and disinterested attractive woman he’s sitting next to at a bar or cafe never work for me, as there was previously a Dan Aykroyd/Jane Curtin sketch with that premise in season 2’s Karen Black episode, and I didn’t care for that sketch in my review of it (in which I even made a comparison to this Seth Meyers/Paris Hilton sketch).
STARS: **


BEAR CITY
by T. Sean Shannon- an anthropomorphic ursine buys cigarettes

— A much simpler gag than the great Christmas Carolers edition of Bear City that last appeared, but this is still funny enough.
STARS: ***


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A pretty weak episode, but far from the outright disaster I had remembered it being. There were more things that worked than I had recalled, and not quite as many duds as I had recalled. Paris Hilton also wasn’t quite as outright stiff or monotone of a host as I had remembered, aside from the Bar sketch, but she was still very one-note and added absolutely no value to the show. It also has to be acknowledged what an absolute NIGHTMARE behind the scenes she reportedly was throughout the week of this episode.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Paul Giamatti)
a big step down


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Jason Bateman

Posted on

January 22, 2005 – Paul Giamatti / Ludacris featuring Sum41 (S30 E10)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

THE BUSH DAUGHTERS
George W. Bush’s (WLF) daughters Jenna (AMP) & Barbara (TIF) assess him

— Tina and Amy are very fun here. Even though I don’t like them as a duo on Weekend Update, they’re still usually a good team elsewhere.
— A lot of laughs from the Bush Twins’ “secret twin language”.
— Will’s President Bush not understanding the twins’ secret language is probably an obvious joke, but it works here.
— Great bit with Darrell-as-Dick-Cheney’s little message to the twins.
— Surprisingly, this is Amy’s first-ever “Live from New York…”.
— An overall very solid cold opening. Probably my favorite cold opening of this season so far, not that it’s had much competition, off the top of my head.
STARS: ****


MONOLOGUE
(no synopsis available)

— Right out of the gate, Paul Giamatti’s energy is so great in this, and he’s doing a very good job getting the audience hyped up.
— An overall short but sweet monologue, and it’s nice to see that this was a real monologue, with no other performers except the host.
STARS: ***½


RICE CONFIRMATION HEARING
Barbara Boxer (AMP) impugns confirmation shoe-in Condoleezza Rice (MAR)

— I recall this being a very well-liked sketch among online SNL fans (including myself) back when this season originally aired.
— Poor Rob Riggle gets stuck in a pointless non-speaking role in this sketch, which ends up being his ONLY appearance all night.
— Seth’s John Kerry detailing how his inauguration would’ve gone this day had he won the election is pretty funny.
— Amy’s whole segment as Barbara Boxer is absolutely fantastic, and is what I had always remembered from this sketch. One of Amy’s best performances of this entire season.
— A solid sketch overall, though mostly just on the strength of the excellent Barbara Boxer segment. Everything else in the sketch was fine, but not particularly strong or stand-out.
STARS: ****


GAYSTROGEN
A rerun… FROM FREAKIN’ 2003. Geez, as if this commercial hadn’t already been re-aired too many times in season 29…


LIMO
limo driver (FIM) is a Jamie Foxx fan but doesn’t recognize host

— Good to see the underused Finesse with the sole lead role in a sketch, and not co-starring with Kenan for once.
— Finesse confusing Paul for Rob Schneider reminds me of how that was a common mix-up a lot of people had back in these days. I never really understood why people couldn’t tell Paul and Rob Schneider apart.
— Good line with a frustrated Paul calling Finesse “Human Tivo” during Finesse’s recreation of Jamie Foxx’s Golden Globes speech.
— Solid performance from Finesse, and I’m enjoying Paul’s frustration and desperation to impress Finesse with his movie resume, the latter of which Rachel humorously questions Paul on at one point.
STARS: ***½


MUSIC STORE
at a music store in search of an instrument, Kaitlin settles on the drums

— This recurring sketch has gotten to the point where Kaitlin’s entrance receives audience applause, though it’s only mild this time.
— Amusing look of Paul’s character, and he’s both funny and very believable as a rocker uncle, adding to the solid slice-of-life realism that this recurring sketch always has.
— Kaitlin’s yodeling when acting out how she would perform on The Price Is Right made me laugh out loud.
— Funny line from Paul about calling his mixture of rock, folk, country, and fusion metal genres of music “Rofolkcoumet”.
— I love Kaitlin’s singing of “Hard To Handle” into the microphone stand.
— I don’t know if it’s because this episode has put me on such a high so far, but I found this overall sketch to be the best of the Kaitlin sketches I’ve covered so far.
STARS: ****


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Get Back”


WEEKEND UPDATE
sadistic TIF & AMP make RAD report on the NYC blizzard from outside

Arnold Schwarzenegger (DAH) turns the topic to his bid for the presidency

— Interestingly, right out the gate after signing on at the beginning of this Update, Tina throws to a new Update segment called “Dratch on the 1s”, involving Rachel doing a remote segment outside of 30 Rock in the blizzard. An okay change of pace.
— I like how it’s become a running gag these past two Updates for Amy to angrily threaten Angelina Jolie.
— Oh, no. Not ANOTHER commentary from Darrell’s Arnold Schwarzenegger.
— I got one laugh from tonight’s overall Schwarzenegger commentary. That’s it.
— Are Rachel’s outdoors scenes pre-taped or live? I would normally assume pre-taped, but these sure feel live. The timing of Rachel’s answers to Tina and Amy’s live questions are strangely always perfect; there are no sloppy instances of Rachel responding to Tina and Amy too early or too late like you’d expect if a live Tina and Amy were interacting with a pre-taped Rachel.
— When Tina and Amy mention that Ludacris requested Rachel buy him a diet Snapple root beer that doesn’t even exist, I like Amy’s delivery of “Well, she better find it, cuz it’s for Ludacris.”
— Could’ve done without Tina and Amy pointing out “There’s no cocoa in here” regarding their coffee mugs.
STARS: **½


THE LUNDFORD TWINS FEEL GOOD VARIETY HOUR
The Lundford Twins (host) & (FRA) Feel Good Variety Hour was never aired

— I got a pretty good laugh from the first camera zoom-in of Amy crossing her eyes while saying a goofy “Aaaaaawww, nuts!” as a “boing” sound effect is played.
— Pretty funny lyrics in Maya’s song, especially the way it ended. Her segment in this sketch kinda feels like an unused bit from the Country Roses sketch in the preceding season’s Jennifer Aniston episode.
— When the Lundford Twins tell him they heard his record is selling really well, I liked Kenan’s delivery of “Yeah, not too good.”
— Overall, I don’t usually enjoy sketches like this, but this was a fairly well-done and entertaining spoof of variety shows and had some laughs.
STARS: ***


REINHOLD INVESTMENTS
Andy’s (WLF) telephone shrieks of “Oh no!” vex financial planner (host)

— Something seemed to happen right before this sketch started, as this sketch opens with the audience in the middle of laughing and Paul looking at the camera with an out-of-character awkward smile before quickly getting into character. Wonder what happened that we home viewers didn’t get to see.
— The debut of what’s probably one of Will’s most acquired-taste characters (which is certainly saying something, as that describes probably a lot of Will’s characters). Like a lot of what Will does, this character has definitely always worked for me.
— Will’s many “OHHHH, NOOOOO!”s are hilarious.
— I absolutely love Paul’s straight man performance. His various angry outbursts at Will are slaying me.
— Paul: “I am NOT gonna be a wedding DJ again… I can’t! I sold all my equipment!”
— Overall, such a dumb sketch, but a hilarious dumb one. Everything about this worked for me.
STARS: ****


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Number One Spot”


SPY GLASS
parliament reporter (host) fills in on the teen beat

— As usual in these Spy Glass sketches, a lot of well-done and impressively-delivered corny puns by Seth.
— I absolutely LOVE Paul’s excited British-accented gibbering when talking about how much he loves being a reporter.
— I guess Horatio’s Gene Shalit is fitting for a Spy Glass sketch, given his love for corny puns.
— Funny bit at the end with Amy’s character revealing she has Spanish Chlamydia.
STARS: ***½


CAT
(host)’s date with Phoebe is disrupted by her large house cat (FRA)

— I like the random exchange between Rachel and Paul, with her casually asking him “So you work on death row, huh?”
— Paul has been such a great host tonight that he even manages to get laughs out of simply asking Rachel to “neck” with him.
— A variation of the parrot sketch Fred did earlier this season. I recall this coming off as an inferior knock-off, but I admit, I laughed a lot just now from Fred’s entrance in the sketch, meowing towards the camera with a bug-eyed, curious expression.
— As a cat lover (as I’ve mentioned recently), I’m enjoying Fred’s spot-on imitation of typical cat actions.
— Fred’s deep-voiced meowing when he’s getting his medication applied anally has me laughing out loud.
— Overall, definitely not as bad of a follow-up to the parrot sketch as I had remembered.
STARS: ***


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A little over half a season, Season 30 has FINALLY done it: an actual strong episode. Every single sketch in this episode worked for me, and I felt very highly about a pretty good number of them. Paul Giamatti added a lot to this episode’s strength, as he was a fantastic host and gave a lot of fun performances. Overall, aside from Weekend Update (and even that was slightly better than it’s usually been in the Fey/Poehler era), this was a flawless episode, in my eyes.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Topher Grace)
a step up


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Paris Fucking Hilton