Tag: Season 28

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May 17, 2003 – Dan Aykroyd / Beyonce (S28 E20)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

HARDBALL
Al Sharpton (TRM) has little chance to become president in 2004

— Good to see Dan Aykroyd appearing right at top of tonight’s episode.
— Hilarious line from Dan’s Andrew Card suggesting that, to have a candidate who’s universally adored, the democrats need to lower the voting age to 6 and nominate Spongebob Squarepants.
— Chris Matthews, regarding Rick Santorum: “Please welcome the man who put the ‘idiot’ into… ‘he’s an idiot’.”
— So many laughs from Parnell’s Rick Santorum unconvincingly clarifying how un-bigoted he supposedly is towards gay people.
STARS: ****


MONOLOGUE
DAA & JIB perform “Time Won’t Let Me”

— Man, it feels so nice to see Dan standing on that home base stage as the host.
— Just now, Dan made a very sentimental mention of John Belushi no longer being with us, which actually put a lump in my throat just now.
— I got an unintended(?) laugh from Jim Belushi’s facial expression when cornily dancing his way onstage during his entrance, though it’s more of a “Man, that’s pathetic” laugh, from seeing a man his age dancing like that.
— I believe this is the first and only time that Jim Belushi has appeared in a regular SNL episode after leaving the cast.
— Nothing to say about the musical number itself. At least it’s not another full-on post-John Belushi Blues Brothers routine, and the song is high-energy, but this whole thing is very whatever.
— I like Dan’s special mention at the end of this being Tracy and Kattan’s last show.
STARS: N/A (I don’t usually rate stuff like this)


TOP O’ THE MORNING
William’s dad (DAA) & many siblings fill the bar

— A laugh from the opening sponsor bit with Colin Farrell’s Anti-Bacterial Cream (“You put it on when you can’t remember WHERE you put it last night.”)
— The flashback sequences regarding Seth’s black eye are funny, and I always get a kick out of when SNL makes it obvious that they’re performing a flashback sequence live.
— Dan is pretty fun here, and is coming off as a natural in this recurring sketch.
— I love Dan sternly telling one child he catches with an alcoholic drink, “Not until you’re 13.”
— Some good ad-libbing from Seth in response to Dan unintentionally having some egg yolk on his face.
— A good laugh from the bit about one of the many Irish kids being named Julio because the family ran out of Irish names.
— Overall, this was EASILY the best Top O’ The Morning sketch to air up to this point. Some good laughs throughout this, a great performance from Dan, and a nice general atmosphere and energy all made this much better than this sketch usually is.
STARS: ***½


THE RIALTO GRANDE
Buddy Mills introduces son (Kip King) & reconciles with old friend (DAA)

— One of Kattan’s two swan-songs tonight. This recurring sketch, though very similar in each installment, is always very enjoyable, and is nice to see in Kattan’s final episode.
— Kattan’s Buddy Mills introduces his son in the audience (the third above screencap for this sketch), which is actually an inside reference as part of Kattan’s farewell, as Buddy Mills’ son is being played by Kattan’s real-life father, actor Kip King, who I recall hearing Kattan based this Buddy Mills character on.
— Now Buddy Mills introduces Dan’s character as being the voice of Tailor Smurf, which is another inside reference to Kattan’s real-life father, as Kip King was the voice of one of the Smurfs (not sure if it was Tailor Smurf or not, though).
— I love Dan’s goofy vocalizations when pulling the banana out of the front of his pants.
— Overall, the usual solid Rialto Grande installment, ending a nice regular run of these sketches (not counting the return it makes in one of the episodes that Kattan cameos in the following season).
STARS: ****


THE FALCONER
Donald joins a biker gang while The Falconer sinks in quicksand

— Tonight’s season finale seems to be SNL trotting out the biggest recurring sketches of the season.
— Even though it feels kinda odd seeing another Falconer sketch so soon, after SNL last did one only TWO EPISODES AGO, I certainly have no complaints, as The Falconer sketches are always strong and very reliable.
— A random John Goodman cameo (and he’s barely recognizable under that sunglasses and fake beard), which makes sense in tonight’s episode, given how often Dan has cameod in past John Goodman-hosted episodes.
— Hilarious visual of Donald the Falcon giving Dan the middle finger.
— I love the ridiculous fight scene between Donald the Falcon and all the bikers.
— Ha, I just spotted Tom Davis as one of the bikers getting beat up by Donald (screencap below).

— Great ending to the fight scene, with Donald gruesomely pulling out Dan’s heart.
STARS: ****½


TV FUNHOUSE
“Cokee, The Most Expensive Dog In The World” by RBS- Ben Affleck buys Jennifer Lopez a Robert Duvall look-alike dog

— The animation here looks a little different from usual TV Funhouse cartoons. Is this spoofing an animated series that I’m unaware of?
— The voice Amy is using as Jennifer Lopez is pretty funny.
— Very random premise of Ben Affleck and J.Lo having a dog who looks like Robert Duvall.
— What’s with Amy’s J.Lo ending a lot of her sentences with “…and split” instead of “…and shit”? There’s something strangely funny about that, even though I don’t get it.
— Quite an odd overall cartoon. I’m not even sure if I liked it as a whole or not, despite some laughs I got. I still kinda get the feeling this was spoofing something that I’m unaware of.
STARS: **½


DONATELLA VERSACE BACKYARD BARBEQUE
Anna Nicole Smith (John Goodman) visits

— SNL continues tonight’s theme of all the sketches being the biggest recurring sketches of the season.
— Yes! We get to see Jeff’s eerily spot-on and funny David Letterman impression again. Hope he gets better material than he got last time, in that News Media sketch from the preceding season.
— Ehh, Jeff’s Letterman ended up being wasted in this sketch too, just playing straight man to Versace. It’s a shame that SNL doesn’t know how to give Jeff’s perfect Letterman impression funny material.
— Ha, Goodman as Anna Nicole Smith is worth some cheap laughs, and is helping to enhance this somewhat meh sketch a little.
STARS: **½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest & Jay-Z [real] perform “Crazy In Love”


WEEKEND UPDATE
Drunk Girl thinks she’s in a tanning bed & flashes JIF

in a terrible re-enactment, CHK recapitulates his career at SNL

— Normally, I’d groan at yet another Drunk Girl appearance, but at least they’re shaking things up a bit in her appearance tonight, which is making her shtick come off a little fresher than usual. Though I gotta say, Jesus Christ at all that skin she’s showing here.
— A callback to the punching bit between Jimmy and Tina from the Update in the Ray Romano episode a month prior. At least the punch sound effect actually plays this time.
— Jimmy has a lot of solid jokes tonight. Tina, on the other hand? Ehhh…
— Oh, I absolutely love the meta premise of Kattan doing a Terrible Re-Enactment of his own SNL tenure. Thumbs-up to whoever came up with this idea.
— So much fun seeing Kattan performing a quick sample of each of his biggest SNL characters and impressions, even the characters/impressions that I don’t care for. I particularly like seeing Kattan doing a sample of the characters that he hasn’t played in years (e.g. Roxbury Guy, Azrael Abyss), because it’s bringing back nice memories of me reviewing their sketches earlier in this SNL project of mine. I also love how one of the characters Kattan reprises is randomly Molly Shannon’s Mary Katherine Gallagher.
— I have so much goodwill towards this Terrible Re-Enactment segment that even the big Mango ending has me smiling.
— Overall, wow, what a wonderful farewell from Kattan. This was such a great way for him to go out, and it ALMOST makes me sad that he’s leaving. (Almost.)
STARS: ***


ASTRONAUT JONES
Astronaut Jones & (DAA) encounter yet another busty space vixen (MAR)

— And now, here’s Tracy’s own farewell.
— I like the Ghostbusters-esque feel of Dan’s character (assuming that’s what SNL is going for here).
— A fantastic twist at the end of the usual routine of these sketches, with Maya breaking the fourth wall by dropping character and responding to Astronaut Jones’ typical horny one-liner with a stern “You know what, Tracy? Don’t.”, and Tracy responding to that with “Aw, cut the crap, Maya! You know I been wantin’ to get you pregnant!” I cannot think of a more perfect punchline to end Tracy’s SNL tenure with. I only wish SNL placed this as the 10-to-1 sketch of the night, because the punchline of this Tracy Morgan swan-song would’ve been a fun and fitting way to close this episode.
STARS: ****½


LA CUISINA CANINA
canines sample the cuisine at an upscale restaurant run by & for dogs

— First non-recurring sketch all night.
— Interesting premise, even if it reminds me a little of a sketch from the Dolly Parton episode in season 14. The similarities are nowhere near stark enough, though, to call this another case of a sketch this season possibly plagiarizing a sketch from SNL’s late 80s era, after the Self-Involved Guy sketch from the preceding episode.
— I recall a lot of SNL fans finding this sketch cringey, but I dunno, I myself have never hated this sketch. I’m finding a charm to it during this current viewing, even though I’m not laughing out loud.
— Feels odd seeing Darrell in a role like this at this point of his SNL tenure.
— Dean appears in his final SNL role (and his only appearance all night), and of course, it’s just a small role where he gets only one line. I guess that’s a fitting way to close his short-lived SNL tenure. It’s probably assumed by most people that he got fired after this season, but I recall finding out sometime before the following season began that he actually left on his own to join the cast of a then-upcoming new ABC sitcom. However, the sitcom ended up not even making it to air.
— A nice groan from both me and the audience when Goodman is presented with a “Bitches Piss Martini”.
— The “butt-sniffing ban” bit at the end is a decent parody of the New York smoking ban that was then-recently imposed.
STARS: ***


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Dangerously In Love”


DR. DEACON’S HAUNCH CRACK POWDER
Sam Elliott (DAA) stays dry with Dr. Deacon’s Haunch Crack Powder

— Great delivery from Dan as Sam Elliott.
— A cheap laugh from Dan applying the powder “back there”.
— Another cheap laugh from scented paste coil that Dan pulls out from “back there”.
— That’s Tom Davis doing the closing voice-over, which makes me wonder if he wrote this sketch. I can kinda picture this being something he would’ve written for Dan back in the original era. In fact, I can picture this being one of those live fake ads that would appear in the middle of Weekend Update in seasons 1 and 2, back when Update would regularly have a fake commercial break in the middle.
— Overall, not too bad for something with a questionable and juvenile premise, and Dan sold this VERY well. However, this shouldn’t have been the final sketch of the season. And I still say the Astronaut Jones sketch should’ve been placed here.
STARS: ***


GOODNIGHTS

— Aww, Tracy’s tugging at my heartstrings with how sad he looks here. You can tell it’s very emotional for him to part ways with SNL.

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A decent season finale. There was an atmosphere that made the quality of this episode feel even better, and I attribute that atmosphere to Dan Aykroyd’s presence, as he was a solid host and added a nice fun vibe to the show, even if it didn’t feel like he was utilized to his full potential.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Adrien Brody)
a step up


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS ENTIRE SEASON, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS OVERALL SEASON STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING SEASON (2001-2002)
a big step down


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Season 29 begins, with host Jack Black, and the addition of two new cast members, one of whom would go on to have a record-breaking long-lasting SNL tenure that continues to this day

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May 10, 2003 – Adrien Brody / Sean Paul, Wayne Wonder (S28 E19)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

AMERICAN IDOL
commercials & teases stretch out announcement of finalist

— Refreshing to see a non-political cold opening, especially given how bad and redundant a lot of the political cold openings have been in the second half of this season.
— I forgot that Ryan Seacrest used to have hair like that and used to dress like that in these early seasons of American Idol. The hairstyle and clothes that Jimmy is donning as Seacrest here are pretty much an embodiment of the early 2000s.
— Isn’t Kimberly Locke, the American Idol contestant who Rachel is playing, black? If so, why in the world is Rachel playing her? Where the heck is Maya?
— Ah, there’s Maya, playing R&B singer Mya, fittingly enough.
— Kattan’s wonky eyes as Clay Aiken are funny.
— A pretty funny running gag with Jimmy’s Seacrest badly stretching out the big reveal of the finalist by constantly throwing to commercial, and how the one commercial that plays every single time is a Mya-starring Coca-Cola commercial. What keeps this from being a typical annoying one-joke sketch is the fact that the repetitiveness of this cold opening is based so much in reality.
— Is Maya performing the Coca-Cola commercial live each time? Well, I guess so, because if it was pre-taped, then she would’ve been available to rightfully play Kimberly Locke, instead of SNL resorting to having Rachel pull a Mary Gross by donning slightly tanned make-up to play a black woman.
— Some laughs from Amy and Parnell’s impressions of Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell.
— Boy, between the extremely heavy amounts of fat make-up that Tracy and Dean are both wearing as Ruben Studdard and Randy Jackson, respectively, SNL’s prosthetics department is working overtime tonight.
— Good “Live from New York…” fake-out with Jimmy’s Seacrest.
STARS: ***


MONOLOGUE
host kisses MAR & HOS; his mom [real] urges him to cut the apron strings

— An interesting deviation from usual monologues, with Adrien starting this off by IMMEDIATELY walking offstage as soon as the theme music ends, going over to Maya and kissing her, then kissing a random audience member (SNL writer Emily Spivey), then kissing Horatio, which is all spoofing Adrien’s famous kiss with Halle Berry at that year’s Oscars. I’d enjoy this bit more (well, not the tired man-on-man kissing gag involving Horatio) if I wasn’t aware of what a bad host Adrien is going to be tonight.
— An okay bit with Adrien’s mother.
— Another Oscars spoof, with Adrien’s message to his mother starting to get cut off by music.
— Overall, this monologue wasn’t anything great, but it was harmless enough, especially given what’s to come from Adrien later tonight.
STARS: **½


MOM JEANS
Mom Jeans are made for women ready to embrace a post-childbirth physique

— A very well-known, frequently-aired, and fondly-remembered SNL commercial.
— The SNL women are fantastic here as middle-aged moms embracing and showing off their blah-looking motherly jeans.
— I love the displeased look on Parnell’s face when his wife, played by Rachel, walks up to him in her motherly outfit.
— Excellent execution of this very relatable concept.
— Announcer: “Give her something that says, I’m not a woman anymore…I’m a mom.”
— Of all the female-oriented commercials in this era that center around the Fey/Poehler/Dratch/Rudolph female cast, this has got to be what I personally feel is the best. Well, the best out of all the ones I can remember right now, at least. I used to always think this era had tons of those Fey/Poehler/Dratch/Rudolph female-oriented commercials, but now that I’m thinking of it, I can only think of two other ones: the preceding season’s Kotex Classic (which is fantastic, but not quite five-star-worthy, in my opinion) and the yet-to-air-by-this-point Woomba (which is funny, but I’ve always felt in the past was kinda overrated). Are there any I’m forgetting? If not, I wonder why it feels like this era had much more of those Fey/Poehler/Dratch/Rudolph female-oriented commercials than it actually did.
STARS: *****


BRIAN FELLOW’S SAFARI PLANET
hairless cat & toucan are anthropomorphized

— This recurring sketch makes its final appearance during Tracy’s tenure as a cast member (not counting the appearances it would make during Tracy’s various cameos the following season, nor the appearances it would make in Tracy’s future hosting stints). I wonder why they didn’t save this for Tracy’s final episode the following week, as it was already widely known at the time of tonight’s episode that Tracy is leaving. Maybe because they already had it planned to do a final installment of Astronaut Jones for Tracy’s farewell the following week (which they indeed end up doing). But why not do both Astronaut Jones and Brian Fellow in Tracy’s final episode? At least it would’ve given Tracy more to do that night, as he is sadly almost non-existent in that episode.
— Brian Fellow’s disgust over what cats look like without their fur is funny.
— I like the new occasional gag in these latest Brian Fellow sketches, with Brian with sometimes saying an uncharacteristically intelligent, wordy, and informative statement about an animal.
— A very funny thought bubble of an unhappy Brian Fellow getting his head shaved by a hairless cat. The awkward, uncomfortable look on Brian’s face is what makes it especially funny.
— Overall, this sketch was fine as usual, but I wish SNL did something more special for what they knew at the time would be the final Brian Fellow installment during Tracy’s tenure. They just treated tonight’s Brian Fellow sketch as a typical installment.
STARS: ***½


SELF-INVOLVED GUY
(RAD)’s date’s (CHK) apartment reveals him to be a self-involved weirdo

— Okay, we’ve finally arrived at this sketch. If you’ve remembered, in my review of the Conceited Guy sketch from the Corbin Bernsen episode way back in season 15, I pointed out that SNL would later do a rip-off of that sketch in the Adrien Brody episode, and I mentioned that I have a theory that the Adrien Brody sketch was written by “a certain long-time SNL writer who’s received quite a number of accusations of stealing material over the years”, and I promised to reveal the name of the writer in question when I eventually cover the Adrien Brody episode. Well, all these months later, here we are at the Adrien Brody episode, folks. The mysterious writer I mentioned is James Anderson. I don’t know for certain that he wrote this sketch, nor do I know for certain if he indeed ripped it off from the Corbin Bernsen sketch, but various factors lead me to think so. In addition to the aforementioned public accusations that have been made by various people of Anderson stealing material over the years (the biggest and most controversial example being the River Cruise sketch from the Sarah Silverman episode in season 40), NBC had aired the Corbin Bernsen episode in their “Classic SNL” slot (which was a slot from 1998-2006 in which NBC would air a full 90-minute version of an old SNL episode after the regular 11:30 p.m. showing of a new SNL episode) just a few weeks before the Adrien Brody episode originally aired, and on a night that SNL didn’t have a new episode (though I’m not 100% certain about that last part). It’s possible that James Anderson or whoever it was that wrote tonight’s Self-Involved Guy sketch caught that then-recent “Classic SNL” airing of the Corbin Bernsen episode, and became…uh…“inspired” (and I obviously use that word loosely) after seeing Bernsen’s Conceited Guy sketch. Again, I am in no way saying that any of my accusations here are certain, as I have absolutely no official proof. It’s just a theory of mine.
— I like Rachel’s scream when seeing Kattan’s ridiculous, huge face photo on the wall.
— I admit that the huge face photo of Kattan is actually funnier-looking than the huge face photo of Corbin Bernsen from the original Conceited Guy sketch, but ehhh. This sketch is still leaving a bad taste in my mouth from how much of a rip-off it appears to be.
— At least Kattan’s character having a “man-servant” is an original aspect of this sketch and not another thing that’s seemingly stolen from the Corbin Bernsen sketch, but I am not caring for Adrien’s characterization of the “man-servant” AT ALL here. He’s just coming off annoying. Also, something about his character, particularly the somewhat homoerotic undertones, further prove my point that this is most likely a James Anderson-written sketch.
— The gag of Kattan turning on the stereo and the voice heard singing from it turning out to be Kattan himself seems like a gag that was used in a previous (or later) sketch, but it’s not the Corbin Bernsen sketch. (In fact, in my afore-linked review of the Bernsen sketch, I even said at one point, “When Jan [Hooks] turned Corbin’s stereo on, I expected the music that played from it to be sung by Corbin, but I turned out to be wrong. I feel like that joke DID appear in an SNL sketch, though I can’t remember which one.” It’s possible that I was actually thinking of this very sketch with Adrien Brody when saying I can’t remember which sketch that joke was used in, but I dunno. I swear there’s another SNL sketch I saw that uses that joke. I don’t think it’s the “Everyone’s A Critic” digital short that Andy Samberg would later co-star in with Paul Rudd, even though a variation of the joke does appear there.)
— I love Rachel’s yell of “Damn you, Match.com!” before making her exit.
STARS: **


LIVE WITH REGIS & KELLY
trip winner (host) amputated his arm

— Kattan has been EVERYWHERE tonight so far.
— Unlike the previous two installments of this sketch, I’m not finding myself laughing much here.
— We at least get a nice display of Darrell and Amy’s usual charming chemistry at the end, as Amy is seemingly ad-libbing her repeated friendly punching of Darrell’s arm, but overall, this was a subpar installment of this sketch.
STARS: **


TV FUNHOUSE
“Saddam & Osama” by RBS- wanted duo evades USA forces in kids show

— Hilarious concept of a Saddam And Osama foreign animated series.
— Bush being portrayed as literally an ape is priceless.
— As usual for a solid TV Funhouse, we’re getting so many fast-paced funny gags on a non-stop basis.
— A very funny commercial break, especially the Rocks toy commercial.
— Great detail during the fake ending credits, with Sean Penn being the only American name among the writers’ credits shown in Iraqi language.
STARS: ****½


MUSICAL GUEST INTRO
rastaman (host) introduces Sean Paul

— Hooooo, boy. Welp, we’ve arrived at the most notorious part of this episode, and a notorious SNL moment in general.
— Jesus Christ, this Rastafarian routine is some hacky-ass shit.
— I can hardly understand what the hell is being said, and what little I can understand is cringeworthingly unfunny. For example, just now, he seriously said “Re-speck. You know, my wrist-speck, my neck-speck, my knee-speck, my ankle-speck.” The man seriously said that, folks. I…I…I have no words in response to that.
— There is no end to this. Why the hell is this going on and on? I would laugh my ass off if SNL would finally throw their hands in the air and just cut this fool off halfway through his ridiculous rastaman routine.
— Aaaaaaand to top everything off, Adrien ends this by proceeding to mistakenly announce Sean Paul as “Sean John”. My god. Ladies and gentlemen, you cannot make this stuff up.
— Okay, now that this mess is (mercifully) over, I need to address the two famous rumors about it, one being that this was an unplanned moment that Adrien sprung on the show without getting Lorne’s approval, and the other being that this would lead to Adrien getting banned from SNL. The whole “so-and-so is banned from SNL” rumor about quite a number of hosts and musical guests is such B.S., so much so, that I won’t even dignify it by talking about it. But I will talk about the rumor regarding this being an unplanned moment. If this truly was unplanned, then I can certainly understand why it would upset Lorne. However, if this was unplanned, then how did Adrien manage to sneak into his Rastafarian costume (and keep in mind that SNL has a whole wardrobe crew that gets the host quickly in and out of costume between segments) and arrive onstage to do his Sean Paul intro, with NOBODY stopping him at any point before the show came back on air? Also, something that really makes the rumor about this being an unplanned moment come off dubious is the fact that, when SNL would later re-air this episode, Adrien’s rastaman bit would be replaced with the dress rehearsal version, in which he does the same bit, but there are a few minor differences in what he says and how he says it. So if he did this bit in dress rehearsal, how exactly was it “unplanned” in the live show? Is it possible that, after Adrien did the bit at dress rehearsal, Lorne saw how cringeworthy and overlong the bit was, and informed Adrien between dress rehearsal and the live show that, while he can still wear his Rastafarian costume during his Sean Paul intro in the live show, he’s going to have to trim the intro down to simply just saying “Ladies and gentlemen, Sean Paul” in a Jamaican accent, and in turn, Adrien, fed up with how SNL kept turning down his “hilarious” ideas all week (which Tina would talk about in an interview years later), ended up defying Lorne’s orders by going on the air and doing the entire rastaman bit that he was told not to do in the live show, resulting in a very pissed-off Lorne? That’s my personal theory. (After all, isn’t that also the story behind what happened with Martin Lawrence’s notorious monologue? That after dress rehearsal, Martin was told to do less-raunchy comedy material for the live monologue, but Martin went on the air and did the same raunchy material that he did at dress rehearsal?) Either way, this Adrien Brody/rastaman bit is a moment that would go on to live in SNL infamy. SNL themselves would even make fun of it at least once, with a passing mention of it during the following season’s Andy Roddick episode. I feel like there may have been another time that SNL made fun of it, but nothing’s coming to mind right now.


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
Sean Paul performs “Get Busy”


WEEKEND UPDATE
drooling mutant Q*terplx (RAD) was left out of the X-Men movie sequel

Elton John (HOS) reworks his greatest hits for upcoming vampire musical

— A cringeworthy opening joke from Tina.
— The running gag with Rachel’s deformed baby character continues. I always find this character’s appearances worth a quick laugh.
— When about to set up Horatio’s Elton John commentary, Jimmy starts by flat-out asking towards the camera “We’re still doing this?”, as if he expected the Elton John commentary to have been cut after dress rehearsal, then he proceeds to go through his introduction of the Elton commentary quite hesitantly. Oh, god, this is already making me uneasy for the Fallon/Sanz jackassery that awaits me.
— Well, I’m glad Jimmy and Horatio are having fun during this Elton John commentary, cuz I sure ain’t.
— Okay, I did finally get ONE laugh just now, from Horatio ad-libbing the line “I put it on pause” after Jimmy calls him out on pressing the keys on his (fake) piano keyboard when there’s not even any music playing right now.
— Boy, this Fallon/Sanz bit is awful, and is going on and on. Lorne gives these two performers WAY too much free rein to waste airtime with their loose, inside-y antics, and it’s especially unneeded tonight, right after Adrien Brody ALREADY wasted airtime by going on and on with that rastaman fiasco.
— Tonight’s weekly end-of-Update walk-on from SNL writer Eric Slovin has him dressed as…nobody. He’s actually nowhere to be seen here. At the end of the Updates from the second half of this season, Slovin usually interrupts Jimmy’s trademark pencil-throw by taking Jimmy’s pencil away from him while dressed as a different type of character each week. Tonight, however, Jimmy just does his trademark pencil-throw with no interruptions from anybody. I guess Slovin’s running gag is officially over. Too bad, because I’ve always found it very fun.
STARS: **½


LENSMASTERS
at Lensmasters, (host) & (CHK) suggest high-concept glasses for (AMP)

— Kattan’s big night continues. It’s obvious that the reason SNL is using him so heavily tonight, after he barely did anything the last few episodes, is because he officially announced earlier this week that he’s leaving at the end of this season.
— A groan from me almost INSTANTLY at the beginning of this sketch, when seeing that Kattan is playing YET ANOTHER gay stereotype. Thank God this is Kattan’s second-to-last episode. I can’t take any more gay stereotype roles from him in his SNL tenure.
— Oh, god, now we get Adrien also playing a gay stereotype, complete with a lisp. I am in for one terrible sketch, aren’t I? Between Adrien’s rastaman bit, the Fallon/Sanz mess on Weekend Update, and now this, tonight’s episode is starting to become torturous for me to watch.
— Three minutes into this sketch, I finally got ONE laugh, from the “cyclops” glasses that are put on Amy.
STARS: *½


DANCE CLASS
ballroom dance instructor (host) coaches Vasquez, Gabe, Ruth, A.J.

— Jesus Christ, yet ANOTHER bad, over-the-top, hammy foreign accent from Adrien tonight??? I’m telling you, tonight’s episode is starting to destroy me.
— At least it’s great to see Fred’s Gabe character back, though Fred’s delivery as this character seems a little more exaggerated this time. I enjoyed the slightly-more toned-down delivery he used the last time this group of characters appeared.
— Some funny lines from the group of students throughout this sketch (even Horatio’s iffy Vasquez character), but it takes a lot for me to look past Adrien’s awful, hammy performance.
STARS: **½


MUSICAL GUEST INTRO

— Thankfully, Adrien does THIS intro in a normal, straightforward manner (yet he somehow manages to deliver even that kinda awkwardly). I have to point out the shirt he’s wearing, though, which has a blurry photo of himself. It’s the same shirt that Maya wore in the Wake Up Wakefield sketch from two episodes prior (side-by-side comparison below). Interesting callback.


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
Wayne Wonder performs “No Letting Go”


VELVET PRODUCTIONS
(host), (CHP), (WLF) struggle to title gay porno version of The Pianist

— We get Will finally making his first appearance of the night, in the 10-to-1 sketch. Damn. It almost feels like Parnell is making his first appearance of the night here too, as his only prior roles tonight were two very brief ones. And, wow, I just now realized that Seth is COMPLETELY absent tonight. That doesn’t bother me as much, though, as Seth is nowhere close to being one of my favorites of this cast like Will and Parnell are.
— Oh, you have got to be kidding me. Now Adrien is doing ANOTHER lispy, effeminate voice, which seems to be almost as much of a comedy crutch for him as his bad, over-the-top foreign accents are. Please just end tonight’s episode already, before Adrien makes me officially lose my mind.
— I got a big laugh from Parnell’s suggestion that the gay porno version of the movie Sweet Home Alabama be titled Sweet Home Alan’s Butthole.
— Another good laugh, this time from Will suggesting the gay porno version of Gladiator be titled Glad He Ate Him.
— Meh, the big turn with the guys having difficulty titling a gay porno version of the simple The Pianist isn’t doing much for me. It would be funny as a quick gag, but I don’t like how it’s taken over the entire second half of this sketch. I had been enjoying where the sketch was going before then, even though it was just a set up for this.
— The further this sketch goes on, the further it becomes undeniable that Adrien’s lispy, effeminate voice is completely unnecessary for this sketch, and detracts too much from the humor of his dialogue for me. In fact, there’s no reason he has to speak in ANY kind of character voice in this particular sketch, especially with Parnell and Will both using their normal voices.
— What the hell was with that twist ending? Awful.
STARS: **½


GOODNIGHTS

— God, Adrien even manages to annoy me HERE, with his shameless attempt to act “black” and cool around Sean Paul and Wayne Wonder, and then taking the time to halt the proceedings just so he can awkwardly shoehorn in an even more shameless plug for his next movie.

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— In a word: blah. In case you couldn’t tell by all of my complaining throughout the review, I did NOT enjoy this episode. I found a lot of it to be a slog to get through, and there was a ridiculously small number of segments that I found to be outright good. Though he was far from the only problem, a big reason for my dislike of this episode was definitely Adrien Brody. Man, where do I even BEGIN with him? You know how, when Nia Vardalos hosted earlier this season, she displayed a variety of characterizations, comedic voices, and silly foreign accents, and was able to pull all of that off well, considering she has an improv background? Well, Adrien Brody pretty much attempted the exact same approach as Vardalos, but ended up falling flat on his face, considering he doesn’t have an improv background. He tried so hard to prove he can pull off sketch comedy, but he ended up coming off unfunny, obnoxious, and showoff-y, especially with the heavy over-reliance on bad foreign accents and effeminate, lispy voices. And don’t even get me started again on that notorious rastaman fiasco during his Sean Paul intro. Adrien was fine when playing normal roles, I’ll give him that. I had no problem with him in the monologue, Brian Fellow, or Regis & Kelly sketches. But in everything else, in which he tried to be the “funny” one? Oof. Adding to the unlikability of him as a host are behind-the-scenes horror stories that Tina Fey would later disclose about how he was a chore to deal with. (By the way, between Robert DeNiro, Matthew McConaughey, and Adrien Brody, this season has had quite a lot of hosts who were a nightmare for the SNL cast and crew to deal with behind the scenes. It makes sense that DeNiro, McConaughey, and Brody also ended up being awful hosts onscreen as well.)


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Ashton Kutcher)
a step down


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Season 28 comes to an end, with host Dan Aykroyd. It’s also the final episode for Chris Kattan, Tracy Morgan, and Dean Edwards.

Posted on

May 3, 2003 – Ashton Kutcher / 50 Cent (S28 E18)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN
George W. Bush (CHP) polls returning sailors on future military action

— Oh, god, yet another cold opening from the second half of this season that’s a dull, straight-to-camera Bush speech.
— Is this spoofing the Bush “Mission accomplished” speech that would soon go on to be very infamous?
— They sure are waiting a long time to reveal whatever the comedic conceit of this cold opening is supposed to be. I’m almost two minutes into this, and there has not been a single joke yet.
— Okay, now we see what the conceit is: the sailors’ applause throughout Bush’s speech changing back and forth from exuberant to mild, depending on what Bush says. Meh, a nothing-special premise that SNL has already done at least once before (in a very weak and rarely-seen Soviet Central Committee sketch from the Quincy Jones episode in season 15).
— Okay, I did get a laugh from “Those who applauded for North Korea, please give yourselves a round of applause.”
— Bah, just end this cold opening already. It’s going on forever for something with a dull one-joke premise.
— When Parnell delivers “Live from New York…” at the end, the camera doesn’t zoom in on him, for some odd reason. Also odd is the fact that immediately afterwards, when the opening montage begins, the SNL Band is completely silent for the first few seconds before finally starting to play the theme music. What’s going on?
— This ends up being the final appearance of Parnell’s Bush impression. SNL would take the impression away from him the following season and re-cast the role. While Parnell’s impression was no great shakes (it was merely serviceable at best, as I said in an earlier episode review), the material he was given didn’t help, as it failed him more often than not, including tonight.
STARS: *½


MONOLOGUE
having forgotten to wear his pants, host attracts attention of MAR & CHP

— A unique monologue entrance for a host, with Ashton entering in his underwear.
— A good use of inner thoughts to reveal that Ashton has no idea he’s not wearing pants, but suspects he forgot something.
— SNL makes yet another gay reference towards Kattan.
— The homoerotic stuff with Parnell is whatever, but I did laugh at the “Knock yourself out, man” “I just might” exchange between Ashton and Parnell, after Parnell requests to watch this monologue from a dark corner.
STARS: ***½


COUNT CHOCULA SILVER
elderly Count Chocula (JIF) promotes cereal for seniors

— Great make-up job on Jimmy as Count Chocula. I remember when this originally aired, a lot of online SNL fans had a hard time telling it was Jimmy who was playing Count Chocula. Some people even wondered if it was Fred. Revisiting this commercial now, the voice alone is a dead giveaway that it’s Jimmy.
— An odd and random premise.
— Where are the laughs in this? If this is supposed to be funny merely because it’s Count Chocula, of all people, doing a dead-serious commercial about cereal for senior citizens, then I get the comedic potential of that, but it’s not coming through in the execution. This is just dull.
— I finally got one laugh, with Will’s cheesy facial expression when mouthing the words “You’re fine.” As I said a few episode reviews ago, Will has the ability to steal a segment even in a small, bland role.
STARS: *½


JARRET’S ROOM
fan from Iceland (host) tries weed from Amsterdam

— At least they waited a few months to do this sketch again, after the last three installments of this sketch all appeared within a stretch of SIX DAMN EPISODES.
— Ashton playing an Icelandic character named Yaorg, Jarret’s Room’s only viewer, is actually a callback to the very first Jarret’s Room installment, where it was mentioned that a guy in Iceland named Yaorg is the only person who ever watches Jarret’s Room. Nice continuity.
— Man, between Jimmy, Horatio, and Ashton, this sketch is out of control, with a lot of way-too-over-the-top performances. Can’t say it’s making me laugh much.
— Overall, blah. This sketch was just a whole bunch of over-the-top screaming, mugging, and typical Fallon/Sanz giggling, with no actual substance. Even the bits with Seth and Jeff’s side characters fell pretty flat with me.
STARS: **


MADONNA: AN AMERICAN LIFE
Matt Lauer (SEM) looks back on aging Madonna’s (AMP) career

— Funny passive-aggressive opening lines from Seth’s Matt Lauer, regarding being able to handle a show without Katie Couric as his co-host.
— Not many laughs during the Madonna interview so far.
— Okay, I got a laugh just now from Amy’s Madonna defending Swept Away by saying it was “the type of movie that was not supposed to be good.”
— Seth’s Lauer had a good closing line about Madonna: “80 years old, with a vagina closing in on 100.”
STARS: **


PLAGIARISM CLASS
teacher (CHP) busts students who got their term papers from the Internet

— Parnell is absolutely perfect here as a teacher calling out individual students on their moronic plagiarism.
— A good laugh from Ashton’s email that he foolishly turned in as his report.
— The whole phone call bit is hilarious.
— An overall great sketch and it also did a wonderful job of showing off Parnell’s underrated and underutilized leadership skills. Sketches like this solidify the fact that Parnell definitely has some Phil Hartman in him.
STARS: ****


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest & G Unit [real] perform “In Da Club”


WEEKEND UPDATE
Liza Minnelli (MAR) is excited about David Gest’s (CHK) birthday party

TRM eats birthday cake meant for Saddam Hussein, states booty preference

Patrick & Gunther Kelly promote knowledge of SARS prevention with a song

— Boy, Jimmy and Tina sped through their opening sign-on.
— Oh, god, another freakin’ Liza Minnelli/David Gest commentary. I didn’t like the last one they did on Update earlier this season.
— Yeah, so far, no laughs from me at all during this Minnelli/Gest commentary. This is just plain bad writing, and Maya and Kattan’s performances are doing nothing for me. And this commentary is over-relying on the kissing gag.
— I was about to say Tracy’s brief walk-on was just whatever, but his little addendum about his love of thick booties made me laugh, even if it was a lazy joke.
— Finally, an actual GOOD commentary tonight, with us getting the return of Will and Fred’s Kelly Brothers characters.
— Even though the payoff of this Kelly Brothers commentary is the exact same as their first appearance (except for the fact that their nonsensical song has actual lyrics this time), it’s still worthy of good laughs, and Will’s falsetto in these is always killer.
— Tonight’s weekly end-of-Update walk-on from SNL writer Eric Slovin has him dressed as a giant pencil and taking Jimmy’s pencil away as if it’s his own baby.
— A lot of fairly bland, forgettable jokes from Jimmy and Tina in tonight’s overall Update. At least Tina managed to go through her first Update in a while without outright annoying me at any point, though she came a little close with her ad-lib after her awful Tommy Lee/“She had it up to here” joke.
STARS: **


THE FALCONER
animal companions of The Falconer & The Muskrateer (host) do battle

— Awesome to see two big Forte showcases in a row tonight.
— Ashton’s character having his own Falconer-type opening title sequence is pretty funny.
— Ha, I love how they showed The Falconer’s title sequence for a second time in tonight’s installment, with the second instance being a very sped-up version with announcer Steve Higgins speaking comically fast.
— A great insane shouting from Will of the line “LET THE GAAAAMES BEGIIIIIN!”
— I like how tonight’s Falconer installment is focusing more on the Falconer himself than usual. Usually, he only appears at the beginning and end of these sketches.
— Great montage of Donald the Falcon and Ashton’s muskrat competing against each other in various games. The part with them playing Quarters is particularly funny.
STARS: ****½


NO PUNKING
host tries to convince TRM, DEE, LOM that they won’t be Punk’d

— Ah, another post-sketch Tracy-chatting-with-the-host bit, though the last one with Sarah Michelle Gellar earlier this season was fairly underwhelming.
— Ashton apologizes to Tracy for a sketch of his titled Dude Where’s My Weed getting cut after dress rehearsal (which is just a joke for this sketch), and a carefree Tracy tells him he’ll do it in next week’s episode, as it’s perfect for… um, the next host, who Tracy mentions by name, but I’ll wait until the end of this episode review to reveal who it is, because this certain host, uh… deserves a special mention, let’s just say. (You’ll see why.) Anyway, at dress rehearsal, Ashton’s line about Tracy’s cut sketch had the title being Big Dick Black Guy instead of Dude Where’s My Weed. It’s needless to say why SNL had to change that title for the live show.
— Something funny in retrospect about the premise of this sketch, with Ashton trying to assure Tracy that he would never prank him as part of his Punk’d show, is the fact that Ashton really does end up doing a Punk’d episode where he pranks Tracy, just a few months after tonight’s episode originally aired, IIRC.
— For obvious reasons, I keep forgetting Dean is even still in the cast. That being said, it’s good to see him getting airtime as himself here, which is very rare. I believe this ends up being the final semi-big role he would end up ever getting on SNL, as we’re in the homestretch of his short-lived SNL tenure.
— This, I believe, ends up being our final onscreen display of the excellent running chemistry between Tracy and Lorne (not counting any instances in any of Tracy’s future hosting stints), as Tracy is another cast member who’s tenure we’re in the homestretch of.
— A nice variation of the obligatory “Get me a soda, bitch!” routine, with Lorne not even needing to be told it this time, as Tracy’s mere facial expression causes Lorne to respond “That’s an orange soda, right? Okay, be right back.”
— I like the stern staredown Tracy and Dean both give Lorne when Lorne comes back to ask them to clear up confusion he has over the drinks they requested.
STARS: ***½


POLITICS TODAY
high school dropouts ignorantly address issues of the day

— We get the return of Darrell’s Skeeter character from the Extreme Hunting With Ted Nugent sketch from all the way back in season 24. Darrell has played some unnamed redneck characters between that Extreme Hunting sketch and tonight’s episode who might’ve also been Skeeter.
— I love Tracy’s smug facial expression when silently pausing for a while after telling Fred “I didn’t understand most of the words in your question, so I’m just gonna start talking.”
— As a 90s kid, the cutaway to Ashton being seen playing with an old-school Game Boy serves as a nice blast of nostalgia for me.
— After a pretty good amount of laughs in the first half, this sketch has been starting to feel kinda bland and a lot of the dialogue is kinda washing over me. Darrell’s Skeeter is at least reliable for occasional laughs here, as there’s a “so bad, it’s good” quality to this character’s stupid one-liners. However, it feels kinda sad seeing Darrell relegated to doing THIS as his only appearance of the night. Why couldn’t he take the various hints he’s been getting lately that it’s clearly time for him to leave SNL?
— Further proving my points that 1) it’s time for Darrell to leave, and 2) his heart just hasn’t been into SNL lately, he can be seen dropping character and IMMEDIATELY walking off the set before the camera has even cut to this sketch’s closing title sequence. Not a big deal, but he’s been doing this quite a bit lately at the end of sketches. Who does he think he is – Norm Macdonald?
STARS: **½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest & Nate Dogg [real] perform “21 Questions”


50’S ENT.
death row inmates boo doo-wop group ’50s Ent. (JIF), (FRA), (host), (CHK)

— Great to see yet another big role for Will tonight.
— Wow, is this Kattan’s first appearance all night?!? It sure feels like it. An obvious sign that we’re witnessing the end of Kattan’s tenure (though he’s been having a surprisingly good second half of this final season of his). With Kattan being almost non-existent tonight and Fred being much more prominent than usual, it feels like there’s a passing of the torch. (You could probably also make that same statement with Will in place of Fred.)
— Oh, wait, I just remembered that Kattan was in that Liza Minnelli/David Gest commentary on Weekend Update earlier tonight. I was probably trying to erase that from my memory, given how much I hated it.
— Pretty funny how after Will introduces 50 Cent, out comes a corny, white, 1950s throwback doo-wop group.
— I absolutely LOVE Will’s constant southern-accented yelling of “Shut the eff up!” when the prisoners are booing the doo-wop group’s musical number.
— I cracked up at Tracy’s (who’s been all over the second half of tonight’s episode) mere delivery of “Man, you ain’t no 50 Cent!”
— Funny reveal of the doo-wop group being named 50’s Ent. (short for 50’s Entertainment), which explains the 50 Cent mix-up.
— A huge gaffe has happened just now, where the off-camera SNL Band has accidentally begun playing the wrong background music for a song that 50’s Ent. is about to sing. As this incorrect background music is playing, the cast members playing members of 50’s Ent. look at each other confusedly, then some of them (Jimmy and Fred) start hesitantly singing in a very awkward, hushed manner while stifling laughter, before the SNL Band begins playing the correct background music.
— Ha, during 50’s Ent.’s singing right now, Will makes a great ad-lib in response to the aforementioned background music gaffe, by yelling at the booing prisoners “So they made a little mistake! You give them some respect!” Very quick thinking on his feet there.
— Why does Kattan keep hitting Fred throughout this sketch every time Fred says something? I don’t understand that. I guess in a way, though, that’s another odd, subtle passing of the torch between Kattan and Fred.
— Speaking of Kattan, he has not said a single word during this entire sketch. Yep, the man’s time on SNL is so clearly coming to a close.
— After being slapped on the face by Kattan just now, Fred pauses awkwardly, then helplessly starts laughing out of character and tries to hide it from the camera by turning away and standing close to Jimmy (who begins cracking up himself, naturally). A very rare instance of Fred breaking during his early years on SNL. (Remember how he’s the ONLY performer not to laugh out of all the performers sitting at the table in the legendary first Debbie Downer sketch from the following year?) I wonder if Fred laughed here because he was letting out a bit of anxiety over how the aforementioned background music gaffe from the SNL Band threw off the sketch.
— We get yet another good ad-lib about the aforementioned background music gaffe, this time with Jimmy telling the prisoners “The band don’t even know what song they’re playin’… thanks to you guys”.
— Even just the way Tracy says “We wanna hear more doo-wop!” has me cracking up. God, I’m gonna miss his inherently funny delivery when he soon leaves SNL. He is truly a one-of-a-kind cast member, and I recall the following season’s cast feeling like it was missing a little something without him and his ability to effortlessly save sketches.
— Ha, we now get the funny visual of Tracy’s hardcore prisoner character singing whitebred doo-wop with 50’s Ent.
— The bloopers, ad-libs, and performances have been enhancing this sketch, as the material itself is just whatever.
STARS: ***


STRAIGHT TALK
Rerun from 1/18/03


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— Not too bad, but this episode was nothing special as a whole. Things started out rough in the first 15-20 minutes (minus the monologue). Starting with the Plagiarism Class sketch, the show got better, but even so, there were still occasional weak or iffy things here and there.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Ray Romano)
a mild step down


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
(*groan*) Adrien Brody

Posted on

April 12, 2003 – Ray Romano / Zwan (S28 E17)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

LIVE ADDRESS
Saddam Hussein (HOS) avers that he’s alive, in Baghdad, on Saturday night

— Yet another damn translator cold opening this season. Cold openings in the second half of this season are in desperate need of a shake-up, because not only have most of them been very poorly written, but most of them have been stuck in a rut of being either 1) addresses to the nation from President Bush or 2) translated messages from foreign people. Enough is enough.
— Some laughs from Horatio-as-Saddam’s desperation to prove he’s still alive and that this video wasn’t taped in advance before his possible assassination, but this cold opening isn’t anything particularly great. I did get a good laugh from the bit with Saddam’s failed walnut-breaking attempt, though.
STARS: **½


MONOLOGUE
host does stand-up about hotel room adult movies & parenting young kids

— It’s great to get two stand-up monologues for two consecutive episodes, even if I was a little underwhelmed by Bernie Mac’s stand-up in the last episode.
— Very funny bit about getting hate mail from people with OCD.
— He’s doing a bit about identical twins again, like in his last monologue? I hope he doesn’t re-use the same material about ugly twins.
— Okay, he’s thankfully doing new material about twins.
— Good bit about how your happiness peaks at 4 years old, especially the part about how impossible it is for adults to think about candy.
— Overall, as funny as this was, this didn’t feel quite as strong as Ray’s usual stand-up material, nor as strong or memorable as Ray’s monologue from the first episode he hosted. Why have such solid stand-up comedians like Ray and Bernie Mac not been using their “A” material on SNL this season?
STARS: ***½


WHAT’S THE RUSH?
(host) thinks chaste couple (SEM) & (AMP) should bone

— It feels like this season hasn’t had many sketches lately that display Seth and Amy’s great chemistry.
— Seth and Amy are pretty funny with how on-edge they are from their sexual abstinence, even if this premise feels awfully derivative. In fact, didn’t SNL already do a talk show sketch about on-edge abstinent couples, in the Savin’ It sketch from season 25’s Julianna Margulies episode?
— A good laugh from Seth delivering a very intense “I am gonna kill you!” to Amy with a friendly smile on his face.
— Ray looks hilarious in that wig, mustache, and outfit.
— Funny bit with Seth pouring water all over his crotch to calm his horniness down. This is what I had always remembered the most from this sketch.
— Solid performance from Ray as this sleazy character.
— Wasn’t crazy about that ending.
STARS: ***½


WAKE UP WAKEFIELD!
Sheldon’s dad (host) gives tax advice on career day

— Sheldon’s timid “Hey” whenever he greets viewers at the beginning of every installment of this sketch always gets me.
— Between the What’s The Rush sketch and this, what’s with the bone/boner theme in tonight’s episode?
— SNL has been making lots of mentions of Adrien Brody these past two episodes. That’s understandable, given how huge he became around this time, but these constant Brody mentions on SNL have aged so poorly, considering what a notorious host he would turn out to be the following month.
— A laugh from Sheldon’s poor attempt to imitate David Letterman’s comedy style.
— Ray walks on with another funny visual appearance, this time looking like an adult version of Sheldon.
— Funny awkward bit between Sheldon’s father and Horatio’s teacher character.
— Ray is very good and believable as Sheldon’s father.
STARS: ***


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Lyric”


WEEKEND UPDATE
sore winner SEM relishes victory in SNL’s NCAA basketball office pool

Iraqi Minister of Information Muhammad Said Al-Sahhaf (DAH) spins lamely

— A change of pace from Seth’s usual Update commentaries as himself.
— At first, I had no idea what to think about this Seth commentary, but I’ve gotten into it after a while. There’s a very over-the-top, “so bad, it’s good” or “so dumb, it’s funny” quality to this bit that’s working for me.
— I love Seth’s reaction when realizing he won only $150 in the office pool.
— What was with the lack of sound effects during Jimmy’s repeated punching of Tina? That sound effects failure caused this bit to fall completely flat and come off kinda pointless.
— ANOTHER boner mention tonight? Yeah, there’s definitely a theme going on tonight.
— Darrell’s overall commentary was pretty whatever. Did very little for me (which also describes a lot of Darrell’s performances in general lately, even though he at least showed energy here, unlike the lethargic, awkward performances he’s been giving in some sketches lately).
— We get a callback to the punching bit from earlier in this Update, with Jimmy now punching Tina again, only this time, the sound effect actually plays, which Tina then calls attention to by saying to us “See how funny it is with the sound effects on?” and then mentioning the name of SNL’s sound effects guy, Bill Taylor.
— When the audience is laughing at her Wayne Brady joke, Tina actually cheers “Yay, I got you, Wayne Brady!” Oh, god, so Tina’s now making it a weekly thing to cartoonishly cheer her own slams at celebrities? Unlike the Rosie O’Donnell/“They celebrated by eating out” joke that Tina cheered in the preceding episode, this Wayne Brady joke wasn’t even funny. It’s been so depressing this season watching Tina gradually transform into some over-the-top, silly, cartoonish, unfunny Update anchor who desperately resorts to basically BEGGING the audience to like her and cheer her jokes. What the hell happened to the Tina Fey from her first two seasons behind the Update desk?
— Tonight’s weekly end-of-Update walk-on from SNL writer Eric Slovin has him dressed as… some guy in a suit and wig, fighting Jimmy for his pencil. Huh? I’m assuming Slovin’s playing a famous politician or celebrity, and that this is some kind of topical reference that went over my head. [ADDENDUM: SNL Archives claims Slovin was just playing a businessman, so maybe it wasn’t a topical reference after all, but just Slovin playing a random nameless character like most of his other end-of-Update walk-ons. But I dunno, something seemed a little too specific about his appearance tonight to just be some nameless character.]
— This overall Update felt fairly short, at least compared to how packed the last few Updates were.
STARS: **½


THE RIALTO GRANDE
losing his gig at Caesar’s has devastated Buddy Mills’ colleague (host)

— We finally hear Mackey (Fred’s old drummer character in these sketches) speak, with him bellowing out “Mabel is fine!” half a minute after Kattan’s Buddy Mills asks him how his wife is doing.
— I absolutely love Ray always following up a punchline of his with “Hold… hold… hold…. and release.” That’s my favorite punchline gimmick of all the hosts who appeared in these Rialto Grande sketches.
— Haha, man, even though it’s the same gag as always, Mackey doing a delayed rimshot whenever the character played by the host is having an emotional breakdown gets me EVERY DAMN TIME.
— I never realized until now how funny Amy’s dancing at the end of these Rialto Grande sketches is, when she and the rest of the female cast are dancing by Kattan and the host. I can’t stop watching her dancing here. She’s throwing in so many funny little gestures that are easy to miss if you’re not paying attention to her.
STARS: ****


CNN UPDATE
during a marathon anchor session, Aaron Brown (DAH) covers tonight’s SNL

— It’s good that Darrell’s getting quite a number of impression roles tonight, after being stuck in nothing but awkward non-impression roles the last few episodes.
— I love the meta premise of this CNN sketch, having Darrell’s Aaron Brown do coverage of tonight’s SNL episode by addressing the Rialto Grande sketch that has just ended. Very creative premise, especially for something from one of the more recent decades, where SNL very rarely goes outside the box and does interesting out-of-the-ordinary things with their format.
— Excellent detail with the ticker on the bottom of the screen having funny SNL-related news items about Tracy, Horatio, and “SNL rookie writer” James Eagan.
— Speaking of Tracy, where’s he been in tonight’s episode so far?
— Okay, the SNL-related news items on the bottom of the screen are now repeating in a cycle, but that’s probably for the best, as it would be too distracting from the sketch itself if it was one new news item after another for the entire sketch.
— A good laugh from the failed attempt at an interview with Kattan.
— Darrell’s performance and delivery here are very funny. This is easily one of his best performances in this shaky season of his.
— Overall, very strong execution of this creative idea. A great bit.
— SNL was originally going to do a follow-up to this bit later in this same episode, by having Darrell’s Aaron Brown do post-sketch coverage of the Club Traxx sketch that will be airing near the end of this episode, and interviewing Maya and Fred while both are still in costume on the Club Traxx set, but the bit got cut after dress rehearsal. Probably for the best it got cut, as SNL might’ve been pushing it and belaboring the point by trying to stretch the great Aaron Brown bit into two separate segments. At the same time, though, it could’ve been nice to have this as a runner for this episode.
STARS: ****½


PHONE BOOTH
telephone-answerer (host) is made to embarrass himself a la Phone Booth

— Some interesting and unusual (for SNL) camera angles early on in Ray’s phone conversation, spoofing the then-new movie Phone Booth.
— I like the idea of Ray starring in a comical take-off of Phone Booth.
— Very funny visual of Horatio quickly passing by the screen with a hot dog sticking out of his mouth while falling down after getting shot (the third above screencap for this sketch).
— Ah, there’s Tracy. I wonder if the reason why he’s been appearing so little these past two episodes is because he’s possibly taping stuff for his upcoming sitcom, The Tracy Morgan Show, which would debut sometime after Tracy leaves SNL at the end of this season.
— After Ray reveals he wears Spongebob footsie pajamas, I love Tracy saying “I myself sleep butt-naked” in that threatening cop-during-a-standoff voice.
— An absolutely hilarious bit with Ray badly trying to mask his remark of “I hate black people” by turning his head away and singing the word “black” in a faint, stretched-out manner, then waving to the crowd while saying “People!”
— After Ray finally tells the crowd “I hate black people” in the blunt manner the sniper on the phone forces him to, I love Tracy responding with an offended “What’d you say, bitch?!?”
— Lots of small penis jokes tonight. Between that and the constant boner mentions tonight, there’s definitely a penis theme in general throughout this episode. Odd.
— Yet another killer line from Tracy, this time after Ray demonstrates to the crowd how small his penis is: “(to his fellow black cop) That’s why he hate us.”
— A priceless ending where, as soon as Ray has finally gotten out of his whole phone booth fiasco, the phone rings again, Ray foolishly answers it IMMEDIATELY, then the voice of the sniper from the previous call sternly asks Ray over the phone “What is wrong with you, Walter?!?” and Ray responds “DAMMIT!”
STARS: ****½


ACCESS HOLLYWOOD
Chet Harper cheerfully fabricates showbiz items

— The return of Chet Harper, Ray’s character from the legendary SportsCenter sketch in Ray’s first episode. As great as that original sketch was, it seems best left as a one-and-done thing and doesn’t seem like it will translate well to a recurring sketch.
— Ray’s inane made-up reports, voice-overs during clips, and side remarks here are making me laugh, but just as I expected, they’re NOWHERE near as funny or memorable as the inane made-up reports, voice-overs during clips, or side remarks from the original SportsCenter sketch.
— I remember when this Access Hollywood sketch originally aired, I almost thought the voice of the off-camera producer was Parnell, who’s been M.I.A. so far in tonight’s episode, but it turns out it’s some non-cast member’s voice. Parnell ends up not making any appearances or voice-overs AT ALL in tonight’s episode. For that matter, Will Forte is completely absent tonight too. Damn. And they’re both two of my personal favorite members of this season’s cast.
— It’s a testament to how funny Ray is that he’s making this not-as-funny-as-the-SportsCenter-sketch material come off funny.
— Ehh, now this is resorting to cheap gay jokes and drag jokes.
— The dance Ray does whenever the Access Hollywood theme music plays is at least a funny new aspect they added to this character.
— Ray’s whole ending spiel was hilarious.
STARS: ***


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Settle Down”


CLUB TRAXX
Iraqi pop sensation Youseffi (host) likes to disco

— Oh, dear god, this terrible sketch has become recurring.
— Aaaaaaand there goes the constant insufferable and unfunny musical numbers from Fred’s character, probably my least favorite aspect of these Club Traxx sketches, which is certainly saying something, considering the large number of things to hate about these sketches. This is basically an early preview of how annoying I would eventually go on to regularly find Fred in his later seasons.
— Not even the reliable Ray Romano can make this mess funny. And he’s doing a VERY broad Middle Eastern stereotype that will probably make a lot of people cringe nowadays. Hell, I remember how, even back in 2003, some people were saying Ray’s role came off very racist.
— This sketch is torture. Tonight’s installment may be even worse than the first installment. And the first installment had Matthew McConaughey speaking with an UNBEARABLE, ridiculous character voice while wearing an equally ridiculous half-shirt, so the fact that tonight’s installment is somehow even worse is certainly saying something.
— Okay, I finally got a laugh, from Tracy (ever the sketch saver) asking if any American G.I.s are his father.
STARS: *½


UDAY HUSSEIN
Uday Hussein (FRA) makes his case to succeed his dad as president of Iraq

— Not sure I’m ready to sit through another goofy, over-the-top portrayal of a Middle Eastern person, after what Ray just did in the preceding sketch.
— Hmm, turns out Fred’s performance is actually amusing me.
— I was wondering where this was going, but then we got a fairly killer punchline to end this on: “(directed at America) I know what you’re thinking: why elect the less-competent son of a former president? Well… you guys did it.” I also love how, after that punchline, the screen immediately crossfades to a photo of Fred’s Uday Hussein with a hilariously goofy big smile on his face (the last above screencap for this sketch).
— This commercial would later be cut from reruns, because the real Uday Hussein ended up getting killed just a few months after this episode originally aired.
STARS: ***½


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— While this certainly doesn’t measure up to Ray Romano’s epic first episode (which is one of my personal all-time favorites), this was still a pretty good episode. We especially got a very nice peak with the first three post-Weekend Update sketches (The Rialto Grande, CNN Update, and Phone Booth), which was an impressive one-two-three punch of strong sketches. Ray Romano was mostly solid, even if a lot of his performances weren’t quite as memorable as the performances he gave in his first episode.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Bernie Mac)
a fairly big step up


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Ashton Kutcher

Posted on

April 5, 2003 – Bernie Mac / Good Charlotte (S28 E16)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

PRESIDENTIAL ADDRESS
George W. Bush (CHP) gives an update on the progress of war in Iraq

— (*groan*) Yet ANOTHER Parnell-as-President-Bush cold opening that the copy I’m watching is missing the first few minutes of. Once again, I almost get the feeling that whoever recorded the copies that I’m watching of this season’s episodes did this on purpose. Did he or she hate Parnell’s Bush impression THAT much, or is just a mere coincidence that the only times this season that this person was late in recording the show just happened to be almost every single time there was a Parnell-as-Bush cold opening?
— (*groans again*) Another Parnell-as-Bush cold opening that’s a “tell, don’t show”, straight-to-camera, address-to-the-nation piece, and right after I praised SNL in my review of the preceding episode’s cold opening for going outside of the box and finally doing a Parnell-as-Bush cold opening that, for once, didn’t have him doing a “tell, don’t show”, straight-to-camera, address-to-the-nation piece.
— Hmm, turns out there are actually some laughs in this, unlike the last address-to-the-nation cold opening Parnell’s Bush did.
— This cold opening is already wrapping up, after only a minute? Dammit, that means my copy is missing almost the entire thing, which means I can’t give it a rating.
— This cold opening actually ends on a serious note, with Parnell’s Bush somberly asking us to remember in our prayers the men and women of our armed forces and their families (this is the first live SNL episode after the war in Iraq officially began), then proceeding to deliver “Live from New York…” in a very earnest, respectful manner.
STARS: N/A (I saw too little of this cold opening to rate it fairly)


MONOLOGUE
host does stand-up about coping with the USA being on high alert

— I already know I’m in for some great stand-up here.
— Some funny material about the nation being on high alert during this Iraq war. In some ways, this talk from Bernie Mac about how these are trying times for the nation, how the nation is very tense under these circumstances, and how we’re being ordered to take an extreme amount of safety precautions, all feel awfully relatable to the situation we’re dealing with today.
— To be honest, this isn’t the funniest stand-up material I’ve seen from Bernie. However, I’m certainly laughing at it, and Bernie’s delivery alone always has me cracking up.
— In the monologue from the Tina Fey-hosted season premiere in season 39, Tina shows various clips of herself with other female cast members dancing in hosts’ monologues. One of those clips is from Bernie Mac’s monologue, but that clip is clearly not from the live show, as no such dancing takes place in Bernie’s aired monologue, nor anywhere else in the aired version of this episode. That clip must’ve been from dress rehearsal, but I’m very curious what the deal is. Did Bernie do a completely different monologue in dress rehearsal? Or was his song-and-dance with the female cast members something that appeared at the end of the monologue in dress rehearsal, after he finished the same stand-up material that he would later do in the live show?
STARS: ***½


FENWAY PARK OPENING DAY
on opening day at Fenway Park, Sully & Denise summon beer vendor (host)

— Surprisingly, this is the first Boston Teens sketch since all the way back in the first episode of this season.
— Bernie seems out of place in this recurring sketch, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing, because, as I said before, his delivery always slays me, and his ranting in this sketch has been giving me most of my only laughs so far.
— Nice callback to an earlier Boston Teens sketch (from season 26’s Conan O’Brien episode), with Denise again trying to pass off an I.D. of someone named Evelyn Chang as her own I.D.
— The audience is kinda silent during portions of this, but I can’t blame them. This Boston Teens installment isn’t up to snuff.
— Jimmy slips in some Sandler mannerisms when Sully and Denise are mugging into the jumbotron.
— The marriage proposal fake-out was pretty funny.
— Overall, this felt below par for a Boston Teens sketch, despite some laughs. Between the fact that this was the first Boston Teens sketch in almost an entire season and the fact that the quality of tonight’s installment was off, I feel like I’m witnessing the early stages of the death of this recurring sketch.
STARS: **½


BRAIN BUSTERS
contestants’ ignorance of Black History irks (host)

— After Jimmy politely tip-toes around saying he won’t choose any questions from the Black History category, I got a laugh from Horatio bluntly saying “I don’t wanna.”
— I’m starting to notice that Bernie’s delivery is quite stumbly throughout tonight’s episode. He’s mispronouncing words, skipping some words in his lines altogether, etc.
— I love Bernie’s facial reaction to Jimmy’s answer of which woman refused to give up her seat on the bus: Tina Turner.
— Haha, Horatio answers Tootie to the aforementioned seat-on-the-bus question.
— Man, I am laughing non-stop during this sketch. Between Jimmy and Horatio’s ridiculously bad answers and Bernie’s fiery-mad reactions, I am dying with laughter.
— A priceless part where, immediately after Jimmy claims he’s not a sports guy and, thus, can’t answer the Jackie Robinson question, Bernie calls him out on the fact that he previously answered the whole section on the 1947 Brooklyn Dodgers.
— A great ending with Jimmy’s “I meant to say Tigger with a ‘t’” while Bernie is threateningly grabbing him by the collar.
STARS: ****½


HOT SAUCE CARRY PURSE
(host) & (MAR) salvage a bland party with Tabasco’s Hot Sauce Carry Purse

— What in the world was with Bernie’s odd, exaggerated, overacted delivery of “C’mon, dammiiiiiiit!”
— The look on Will’s face during his corny, bad dancing is hilarious (screencap below).

Man, even in just a small, bland role, Will has the great ability to steal a segment.
— Overall, this commercial did almost nothing for me. A poor execution of a weak premise based on a tired black stereotype.
STARS: *½


MOVIE THEATRE
The Pianist inspires moviegoers (host) & (TRM) to talk to the screen

— Bernie’s line about Moviefone not taking J.C. Penney cards was hilarious.
— During the viewing of The Pianist, I got a huge laugh from Tracy asking, among many questions regarding the movie, “Who the guy with the big nose?” (the soon-to-be horrible SNL host Adrien Brody).
— Oh, god. Now this is turning into a “black people yelling at the movie screen” sketch? Are you fucking kidding me? And just THREE EPISODES after SNL already did a “black people yelling at the movie screen” sketch (albeit an actual funny one)? AND just ONE SEGMENT after SNL already just did a lousy segment based on a tired black stereotype (black people love hot sauce)? Oh, do not get me started…
— A great cutaway to an old white guy from the Warsaw Ghetto giving the Black Power sign while having a deadpan look on his face.
— Why the hell does Bernie keep asking Tracy “Did he touch you?” at the end of every scene? Is that even supposed to be funny? It makes no sense and is getting NO laughs.
— A fairly weak ending.
— Overall, there were actually a few funny lines here and there, but damn, this was a VERY lazy sketch as a whole, and there’s no way in hell I’m giving anything close to a good rating for a weak execution of one of the hackiest comedy premises around (black people yelling at the movie screen).
STARS: *½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “The Anthem”


WEEKEND UPDATE
embedded reporter Gene Shalit (HOS) offers puns related to war in Iraq

half-sunburned Drunk Girl talks about her Spring Break experiences

country song of U-S-AMEN (WLF) & (CHP) urges boycott of anti-war celebs

— Congratulations, Tina, you finally went through a recent Update without having a terrible and cringeworthy first joke. It’s sad that this has become an amazing feat for her, but that just goes to show you how downhill she’s gone this season.
— The random Lionel Richie music video clip being presented as footage of citizens celebrating on the streets of Baghdad made me laugh.
— During Jimmy and Tina’s set up to a bit about SNL having their own on-site coverage of the war in Iraq, I honestly almost thought for one moment that they were setting up the return of the old One Man Mobile Uplink Unit bits that Al Franken used to do (and actually does eventually come back to do, in a Fey/Poehler Update two seasons later), but it turns out they’re just setting up an appearance from Horatio as fucking Gene Shalit. I cannot stand Horatio’s Shalit bits on Update.
— Okay, it turns out I actually got some chuckles early on from the puns in tonight’s Shalit commentary, but this eventually went off the rails by changing the focus halfway through to a long string of “shitting my pants” jokes.
— Two big nose jokes about Adrien Brody in the same episode? Lazy. Also, I just gotta say this: if only SNL was aware of the horror that awaits them when they soon get Brody to host.
— Oh, no, fucking Drunk Girl. Geez, between Gene Shalit and this, is tonight’s Update bringing out ALL of my least favorite Update correspondents of this era?
— I did at least get an initial chuckle from the visual of Drunk Girl’s half-suntan, but I’ve been silent for almost the entire remainder of the commentary.
— Jimmy and Tina’s “Who let the dogs out?” bit didn’t work for me.
— The raunchy punchline to Tina’s joke about Rosie O’Donnell’s marriage to her female partner (“The two celebrated by eating out”) was considered absolutely killer among SNL fans when this episode originally aired, but I cannot ignore the fact that Tina immediately ruined it by actually CHEERING HER OWN JOKE. I kid you not, folks. Goddammit, Tina. What the hell is happening to you this season?
— I love this pairing of Will and Parnell.
— Will’s southern voice is hilarious.
— A very funny song from Will and Parnell, on the ridiculous lengths they’ll go to boycott anybody and anything that’s anti-war. This continues the hot streak that Will has been on lately in having one killer piece on the show on a weekly basis, starting with the Queen Latifah episode. Unfortunately, that streak already ends in the very next episode, as Will doesn’t appear in any sketches AT ALL that night. For that matter, neither does Parnell. Geez, what happened? Did Will and Parnell both get boycotted for their Update commentary in tonight’s episode? (Lame joke, I know.)
— Funny climax to Will and Parnell’s song, with their lyrics having lots of missing letters that they refuse to use.
— Tonight’s weekly end-of-Update walk-on from SNL writer Eric Slovin has him dressed as a magician, placing Jimmy’s pencil into his own magician’s hat, and then pulling a rabbit out of that hat.
STARS: **½


THE THREE STOOGES 75TH ANNIVERSARY
fourth Stooge (host) beats up on Moe (CHP), Larry (CHK), Curly (JER)

— A Three Stooges sketch!!! If you know me, you know how onboard I am for this.
— Jimmy’s no Edward Norton when it comes to doing a dead-on Woody Harrelson impression.
— Funny visual of Bernie’s ridiculous smiling headshot with the other Stooges’ headshots in the title sequence for their short film.
— Yet another episode in which Darrell is stuck making his only appearance of the night in a semi-awkward non-impression role.
— Some decent Stooges impressions from Jeff, Parnell, and Kattan, though I feel Joe Piscopo, Tim Kazurinsky, and Gary Kroeger did better ones in a sketch from the season 9 finale.
— Bernie’s reaction to getting slapped by Moe was predictable, but is making me laugh.
— Did I just hear Bernie call Moe “super bowl haircut” instead of “sugar bowl haircut”? Why is he mispronouncing so many words throughout tonight’s episode?
— That was a nasty backwards fall Kattan took just now. Was it intentional for him to hit the back of his head on the bench? I get the bad feeling it wasn’t. The last thing he needs is another bad injury from a fall in a sketch, after what happened to him two years prior in that Golden Girls sketch.
— An awkward timing delay occurred at the end of the Stooges portion of this sketch, as Jeff was seemingly forced to vamp for time until the “The End” closing title screen appeared.
— Overall, this sketch was good, but not as strong as I wanted a Three Stooges sketch to be. Again, I prefer the one SNL did in the season 9 finale.
STARS: ***½


NO SMOKING
hoarse bar patrons (host) & (AMP) complain about NYC’s new no-smoking law

— Bernie’s raspy smoker’s voice has me in stitches.
— Ha, now Amy’s doing a fantastic raspy smoker’s voice of her own, along with a great scowl-y facial expression.
— Funny bitter line from Amy towards Michael Bloomberg: “You don’t like secondhand smoke because you’re a secondhand mayor.”
— Feels like Jimmy’s appearing in practically every single sketch tonight.
— Portions of this sketch are starting to feel pretty repetitive.
STARS: ***


SECOND TIME AROUND
Glenda Goodwin is vexed by ex-husband Barry (host)

— OH NO. I hated this sketch the first time it appeared earlier this season, and had completely forgotten that the second installment appears in tonight’s episode. Thankfully, this ends up being the final installment, though Glenda Goodwin will continue to make appearances in other sketches.
— At least we don’t have Matthew McConaughey here to make this sketch worse by giving a terrible, baffling performance like he did in the first installment.
— Very funny walk-on from Bernie.
— I love Rachel’s amused delivery of “Oh, Guh-lenda!” after Glenda Goodwin threatens to punch her in the face.
— Glenda Goodwin keeps using that comically odd pronunciation of Hyundai (“Hi-yun-die-yay”), but it NEVER makes me laugh. That godforsaken nasal, phlegmy-throated voice Maya uses as this character (and way too many other characters lately) is murder on my ears.
— After a surprisingly promising first half, this sketch has been dying a horrible death. I haven’t laughed a single time during this sketch’s second half.
— Why is Joan Petricelli always announced as the next guest in these sketches?
STARS: *½


SWIFFER SLEEPERS
— Oh, god. Not ANOTHER damn rerun of this insufferable commercial (originally aired on 10/12/02). I honestly die a little inside every time I view this dreck.


BRIEFING
Saddam Hussein’s (HOS) advisers sugarcoat news about war with USA

— There’s Jimmy in yet another sketch tonight.
— I got a laugh from how, after Fred’s opening panicky status report to Horatio’s Saddam, Horatio-as-Saddam’s only response is, in regards to Fred, “Who IS this guy?”
— Oh, geez, there goes Horatio breaking as usual for no apparent reason.
— This sketch is dead. Just a whole lot of talking, with no real funny dialogue. Jim Downey strikes again, I take it? “Just a whole lot of talking, with no real funny dialogue” describes an awful lot of political cold openings that Downey’s written for the show in the second half of this season.
— I got a minor chuckle from the airport bit during Kattan’s phone call.
— Boy, that ending was horrible. And does Horatio have to do a silly dance as EVERY character he plays now? He did it as Gene Shalit earlier tonight, and then did it at the end of this Saddam sketch. Hell, he (and Jimmy) even did it at one brief point in the great Brain Busters sketch earlier tonight.
— Lousy sketch overall. Geez, the last third of tonight’s episode is destroying me. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve laughed during the past few segments combined (including goddamn Swiffer Sleepers).
STARS: *½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Lifestyles Of The Rich & Famous”


DON BANKS’ KING OF “COMEDY” SUITS
black stand-ups prefer Don Banks’ (host) King of “Comedy” Suits

— I like the mention of the leather suits that Eddie Murphy wore, respectively, in his two stand-up movies, Delirious and Raw.
— A laugh from the Martin Lawrence undershorts “for when you go crazy”.
— This kinda reminds me of that Charles Barkley “Big, Tall, and Black Men’s Store” sketch from season 19, mainly in how it’s a little more charming than funny.
— Damn, this is Dean’s first appearance all night? A small walk-on in the final sketch of the episode? I normally wouldn’t be surprised at all by that, but you’d figure he’d get SOME meaty airtime in an episode with a black host, like he did in the Queen Latifah episode a month prior. Then again, Tracy also surprisingly made only one appearance tonight, in that Movie Theatre sketch that wasted his talents.
— I love the ending with Will entering in a pimp outfit while smiling like a goof. Will would later share a story about how, immediately after tonight’s episode ended, he and Seth went to an NBA game (or some other sports game) together, with Will still wearing his pimp outfit from this sketch.
STARS: **½


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A weak episode. The first hour of this episode wasn’t too hot, with only a few good segments in a sea of both mediocrity and unfunny black stereotype humor (the latter being Hot Sauce Carry Purse and Movie Theatre). Then things got even worse in the last half-hour, where this episode really fell off a cliff. Bernie Mac was mostly fine as a host, despite some stumbles in his delivery. He deserved better material than a lot of what he got in this episode.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Salma Hayek)
a step down


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Ray Romano

Posted on

March 15, 2003 – Salma Hayek / Christina Aguilera (S28 E15)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

PRESS CONFERENCE
George W. Bush (CHP) fields softball questions barely related to Iraq

— At least SNL is finally using Parnell’s President Bush impression in something other than a straight-to-camera address to the nation, especially given how terrible the last one was.
— A lot of funny examples we’re seeing of “tough” and “hard-hitting” journalists, such as one being from Pineapple Growers Trade Association Weekly.
— It doesn’t feel right seeing Rachel taking over Ana Gasteyer’s Helen Thomas impression.
— Funny how Bush’s men are doing away with Rachel’s Helen Thomas in various ways, including chloroform over the mouth and a dart to the neck.
— An overall pretty fun cold opening, and it shows that Parnell’s Bush impression can be somewhat entertaining when he’s given fun material and characters to play off of, instead of snooze-worthy “tell, don’t show” address-to-the-nation cold openings that have him as the only person.
STARS: ***½


MONOLOGUE
’80s band comprising male castmembers & Edward Norton [real] bugs host

— Some funny visuals of the cast dressed in cheesy 80s outfits.
— Not much to this monologue, but the 80s musical number constantly being performed is funny enough.
— Pretty nice to see an Edward Norton cameo, knowing in retrospect what a strong and underrated host he would be 10 years later.
STARS: ***


TOP O’ THE MORNING
Latina (host) & beau William toast St. Patrick’s Day

— A pretty good laugh from the viper on the jukebox who always plays “Crocodile Rock”.
— Darrell is coming off miscast and VERY awkward during his brief appearance. And once again, I’m sensing a very dour undertone that plagues a lot of Darrell’s performances from the second half of his SNL tenure. He looks like he does NOT want to be there.
— Salma’s angry, violent rampage at the end is decent, though she’s no Rachel Dratch when it comes to tiny, seemingly-delicate women tearing apart a set in a season 28 sketch.
— Overall, I continue to not care too much for these Top O’ The Morning sketches as a whole, despite some laughs here and there.
STARS: **½


TV FUNHOUSE
“Are You Hot?” by RBS- Lorenzo Lamas [real] assesses cartoon characters

— Oh, geez, remember this ridiculous, god-awful ABC reality show? Hard to believe something like that really existed.
— Funny concept of classic cartoon characters being who Lorenzo Lamas judges.
— I’m enjoying the fast pacing of this.
— A good laugh from Lamas telling Droopy, in regards to his jowls, “Man, you need to Botox the (*bleep*) out of those.”
— Some of these cartoon character inclusions are not quite as funny as others.
— I love Lamas saying “Now at least I understand why you have a hot wife” after seeing how big Barney Rubble’s “package” is.
STARS: ***½


VERSACE OSCAR FASHION PREVIEW
musical guest picks up a dress

— So far, some mildly funny things, but ehhh. I feel these Versace sketches have been starting to lose their luster these past two installments, even though I’m finding Maya’s portrayal of Versace to still be reliable for some laughs.
— These Versace sketches need to realize that the word “bitch” stops being funny when it’s thrown around so frequently in such a short time frame.
— Dean FINALLY gets to play Michael Jackson.
— Hmm. You know, I hate to say it, but from what I’m currently seeing, Dean’s MJ ain’t all that great. Dean is spot-on when doing the high-pitched MJ melodic shouts, but when he speaks normally in a tender lower voice, he sounds nothing like MJ. Nothing. The strange thing is, I recall Dean sounding very accurate when imitating MJ’s tender speaking voice in the Michael Jackson In A Tree sketch from earlier this season (in which Dean played one of three Michael Jackson alien clones). I now wonder if it only came off accurate in that sketch compared to the utterly baffling take on MJ that Amy was doing. But when you see Dean’s MJ impression on its own… yeah, it’s not living up to all the hype that this impression had among online SNL fans at the time.
— A huge laugh from the reveal of what Maya’s Versace is wearing under her dress (the last above screencap for this sketch).
STARS: **½


BOX
while stuck in a cardboard box, (WLF) confronts his cheating wife (host)

— Another delightfully oddball Will Forte piece. The premise alone is great, and the execution only makes it even better.
— Will’s attempts to get out of the box are very funny.
— Great visual of Will’s head sticking out of the box hole.
— I love Will’s sleazy “You know, uh… I’m naked in here” reveal to Salma, which puts her off right after they just had a tender moment together.
— I’m getting so many laughs from the ridiculous shoutfest between Will and Jimmy, with them constantly using the word “flip” in place of the f-word.
— Jimmy is giving a great supporting performance, and he’s hilarious going absolutely over the top when repeatedly punching the box with such fiery passion.
— Overall, another masterpiece of a Will Forte sketch, ONCE AGAIN this season. Does Will have the strongest first season that a featured player has ever had on SNL? I’d argue he does. He’s been averaging at least one fantastic, brilliant, absurdist piece on almost a weekly basis in this first season of his. No wonder SNL ends up bending the rules and promoting him to a repertory player after only one season instead of two.
STARS: *****


VOTE FRIDA
host badmouths Chicago while supporting Frida’s bid for Academy Awards

— Some laughs from Salma’s flimsy reasons to vote for Frida over Chicago.
STARS: ***


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Beautiful”


WEEKEND UPDATE
Jimmy & Tina Yelling At America- JIF & TIF think USA needs self-criticism

Fericito’s wife & comedy partner Lupe (host) says JIF & TIF should marry

punk wannabe Avril Lavigne (AMP) is mad for no particular reason

Gollum (CHK) is of two minds when it comes to making Oscar picks

JIF plays guitar & sings pop-inspired songs about St. Patrick’s Day

— At least Jimmy gets to deliver the opening joke tonight, after how horrible the Tina-delivered opening joke of the last few Updates were.
— Ugh, even with Jimmy doing the opening joke of tonight’s Update, the first joke that Tina does right afterwards has a lousy and hacky gay punchline, for no good reason.
— The whole “Jimmy and Tina Yelling at America” segment is great, and is the funniest that the struggling Tina has been on Update in quite a long time.
— I’m glad there’s been a lengthy gap between Fericito’s last appearance and tonight’s.
— Salma is a nice addiction as Fericito’s new comedy sidekick and wife.
— Amy’s skewering of Avril Lavigne is very over-the-top and exaggerated, but it’s definitely cracking me up.
— At occasional points during the Avril Lavigne commentary, Jimmy can be seen mouthing Amy’s lines.
— I probably already said this in a recent episode review, but I’ve been loving Jimmy’s newfound deadpan delivery of certain snarky jokes lately, like his great Wheat Thins joke tonight.
— Kattan’s Gollum impression is solid, making this yet another surprisingly good thing Kattan’s doing in the second half of this final season of his. He debuted this Gollum impression two months prior, in SNL’s “Weekend Update Halftime Special”.
— Yet ANOTHER Update feature tonight, with Jimmy doing his annual guitar songs routine. This is a jam-packed Update. Am I watching a Brian Doyle-Murray-anchored SNL Newsbreak from season 7? Well, no, because unlike SNL Newsbreak, tonight’s Weekend Update is actually funny. (And that’s saying something, given that it’s starting to become increasingly rarer for me to like Fallon/Fey Updates this season.)
— I like Jimmy’s imitation of John Mayer’s facial expressions when doing a St. Patrick’s Day-themed variation of “Your Body Is A Wonderland”.
— As I said previous times, I’m always a sucker for when Jimmy parodies a musical guest’s song just minutes after said musical guest performed that very song on the SNL stage, and we get a case of that here with Jimmy parodying Christina Aguilera’s “Beautiful”. I love how, at one point during that parody, Jimmy even imitates Christina’s habit of singing occasional notes in a soulfully growly manner.
— Overall, this is one of Jimmy’s better guitar song medleys.
— Tonight’s weekly end-of-Update walk-on from SNL writer Eric Slovin has him entering in baggy, urban clothes, taking Jimmy’s pencil, and then standing in a cool arms-crossed pose while watching Jimmy’s ongoing rap parody of Eminem’s “Lose Yourself”.
STARS: ***½


SEDUCTION CLASS
(host) teaches seduction to Vasquez, Gabe (FRA), Ruth (RAD), A.J. (TRM)

— The first of a few sketches that use this group of characters in an adult education setting. Also interesting how one of the members of this group is the already-existing recurring character Vasquez Gomez-Vasquez.
— I remember when this originally aired, it took me until Fred started speaking that I realized that was Fred and not Kattan. Something about Fred’s wig along with his facial expressions as this character made him resemble Kattan to me from a distance.
— Even as just a supporting character, Vasquez is still not doing much for me.
— I love Rachel’s line about how she’s very sexually active, “but I’d like to share that with another person”.
— Fred’s Gabe character is absolutely hilarious, and he’s running away with this entire sketch.
STARS: ***


VOTE FRIDA
host suggests that, unlike Frida, Chicago has links to terrorism

— Salma’s desperate attempts to make the movie Chicago look bad are getting funnier, with her now linking Chicago with terrorism.
STARS: ***½


KING KONG
director’s cut of original King Kong movie has the ape getting a hand job

— The “Channel 5 Late Night Movie” framing of this sketch was also used in the Radioactive Bear sketch from earlier this season.
— I love Tracy’s delivery of “What the hell?!?” when King Kong’s erect penis has broken into Tracy’s living room through the window.
— Some good laughs from Salma and Tracy’s unintentional jerking-off of King Kong’s dong.
— Jimmy and Horatio are mostly playing it straight and aren’t hijacking this with their typical jackassery, but Jimmy still keeps occasionally smirking out of character at some of Horatio’s lines for no apparent reason, and they both occasionally make awkward pauses between their lines.
— A particularly hilarious part with Tracy looking out the window and mistaking King Kong’s testicles for two fuzzy bean bag chairs.
— SNL seems to be really struggling lately in finding ways to use Darrell. His only two appearances tonight both had him just making a very brief walk-on in a non-celebrity role (one of which he pulled off VERY awkwardly, as mentioned earlier in my review of the Top O’ The Morning sketch), even if he is well-cast in this King Kong sketch as the “Twas beauty killed the beast” guy from the real King Kong movie.
STARS: ***½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Fighter”


VOTE FRIDA
host interrupts Chicago rebuttal to plug Frida once more

— A laugh from this ad clarifying that Richard Gere is a Buddhist, not a rapist.
— The punchline at the end was funny enough, but I found this to be a bit of a step down from the direction these ads were going in.
STARS: ***


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A pretty consistent quality to this episode. Not much stood out as bad, not much stood out as great. An overall decent episode.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Queen Latifah)
a slight step up


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Bernie Mac

Posted on

March 8, 2003 – Queen Latifah / Ms. Dynamite (S28 E14)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

60 MINUTES
Bill Clinton (DAH) & Bob Dole (DAA) do a Point-Counterpoint about Iraq

— Good to see a Dan Aykroyd cameo, even if it always feels a little awkward seeing him play Bob Dole anytime after Norm Macdonald became SNL’s definitive Dole.
— An okay dry speech from Darrell’s Bill Clinton, if certainly long.
— There’s the obligatory classic “You ignorant slut” one-liner from Dan.
— Solid fast-paced delivery from Dan as usual during his very wordy and long Dole speech, but his speech isn’t featuring much to laugh out loud at. This is the kind of overly-wordy, “tell, don’t show” style that’s slowly been taking over these cold openings lately, much to my chagrin.
— An odd and somewhat rare occurrence of “Live from New York…” being delivered by an unseen voice-over while a still photo is shown of a logo. Not exactly an exciting way to kick off an episode, especially after a very dry, long-feeling, and occasionally dull cold opening like tonight’s.
STARS: **½


MONOLOGUE
Sir Mix-A-Lot (TRM) defends host’s kingdom from other royal rappers

— Funny reveal of Queen Latifah being an actual queen of a kingdom.
— That loud, stuffy British voice that Seth often relies on is kinda like nails on a chalkboard to me. It’s almost starting to get on the same level of the awful nasal, throaty voice that Maya uses when playing certain black roles.
— Very solid and fun execution of this premise, and there are so many funny little rap/royalty jokes all throughout this, such as the LL Cool J/ “Don’t call it a callback, he’s been here for years!” bit.
STARS: ****


106 & PARK TOP TEN LIVE
Baby K & his producer (host) perform infantile hip-hop

— OH FUCKING NO. The return of that god-awful Baby K character. At least his previous appearance, as horrible as it was, was just a very short Update commentary. Now he gets a FULL-FLEDGED SKETCH?!?! Oh, spare me, SNL.
— The gag in this sketch with Maya sounding very stilted and unconvincing when talking in street lingo is weak and tired.
— Ugh at that music video. And I remember an online SNL fan at this time complained that that music video felt very MADtv.
— Latifah’s performance is very good, but this sketch is brutally unfunny.
— A minor laugh from Dean happily saying “Me too” after Baby K admits he still has bathroom accidents sometimes.
— (*groan*) Another musical performance in this sketch?
STARS: *


LIVE WITH REGIS & KELLY
Frenchie Davis (host) sings

— Good to see this back.
— We get our very first instance in these sketches of Amy’s Kelly Ripa saying “I don’t know who that is, Reege. WHO IS THAT?!?!”, which would go on to be one of the most remembered aspects of these sketches.
— Good ad-lib from Darrell when Amy’s Ripa holds him particularly tight and rests her head on his shoulder: “Careful, or we’re both gonna get pregnant.” I enjoy the way Darrell and Amy always play off of each other in these sketches.
— A lot of really good lines from Latifah’s Frenchie Davis.
— Amy attempts to make Darrell crack up by climbing all over him, which eventually succeeds in getting Darrell to break, which is still a little rare to see by this point of Darrell’s tenure.
STARS: ****


WHO FARTED?
FOX reality show traps contestants in room with a gas passer

— Feels weird seeing Darrell with his normal look while being grouped with the rest of the cast in a sketch where they’re all playing nameless characters.
— A very juvenile premise, but it’s certainly coming off funny in this suspenseful reality show trailer. Much better than that awful and lazy fart sketch the show had recently done with Matthew McConaughey.
— Parnell’s always-great voice-over work is making this even funnier.
STARS: ***½


WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
’60s girl group sought a follow-up dance craze hit

— A huge technical issue is occurring in the studio right now, which not only causes the opening “Where Are They Now?” title sequence to have no music, but also forces Latifah, Maya, and Amy to do their first few musical numbers with absolutely NO background music. Wow. There’s some talk about this in one of the updated versions of the “Live From New York” SNL book, where either Maya or Amy discloses the fact that she and her fellow two performers were informed right before this sketch went on air that they would have to perform their songs without background music, due to audio problems going on.
— During the video packages detailing things about the girl group that Latifah, Maya, and Amy are playing, faint voices from inside SNL’s studio can unintentionally be heard in the background, including a woman’s voice repeatedly counting down. All of these audible voices are obviously related to the technical problems going on with the music. I wonder if the woman being heard constantly counting down is someone in the SNL Band.
— These musical performances feel odd and bare-bones without any background music.
— I’m a few minutes into this sketch, and if you haven’t noticed, I have yet to say anything about the actual content of the sketch itself. That’s because I haven’t been finding anything too funny or noteworthy about the content. All the technical issues of this sketch are more interesting to me than the material itself is.
— The background music has now finally kicked in, halfway through this sketch. I can’t remember if SNL would later replace the first half of this sketch with the dress rehearsal version in reruns, but I assume they do.
— Okay, this sketch is starting to pick up a little with Maya’s character descending into insanity.
— I like Latifah telling Amy “You was always more of a ho than me.”
— Funny reveal of Amy being the mother of Baby Jessica, the baby who fell down a well in the 80s.
STARS: **½


I’M A CELEBRITY… WHO FARTED?!
ABC reality show has famous flatulence

— While it’s very questionable they’re doing a SECOND one of these fart-based reality show promos, and I want to say SNL is pushing it, this is coming off pretty fun with all the celebrity impressions in place of the nameless contestants from the first Who Farted ad.
— Great to see Jimmy’s dead-on Gilbert Gottfried impression back, which is what Jimmy debuted on SNL with in his very first episode.
— Jeff’s Gary Busey is always a riot.
— Gary Busey, when denying it was him who farted: “Trust me, buddy, you’ll know when a Juicy Busey hits you between the eyes.”
— This was kept at a short-and-sweet length.
STARS: ***


WEEKEND UPDATE
Khalid Shaikh Mohammed (HOS) is upset by picture taken just after capture

fresh from his Grammy gig, Dustin Hoffman (JER) stammers kudos for NYC

Trevor The Broadway Guy (CHP) emotes regarding musicians’ strike

— Oh, god. It now seems to be a weekly thing on Update for Tina’s opening joke to be a horrible, cringeworthy joke in which she punctuates it with some kind of desperate, corny, and unfunny gesture or ad-lib. Then the camera cuts to a deadpan and straitlaced Jimmy, who proceeds to approach his jokes the RIGHT way. I said this in my last review, but it’s fucking surreal how Tina and Jimmy have gradually been switching personalities over the course of this season.
— A bad anti-Bush joke from Tina. That’s something that would soon go on to be ANOTHER annoying weekly thing from her: doing unfunny anti-Bush jokes that seem more focused on pushing her own political views than on getting the audience to laugh. I never liked Bush either, and even *I* recall finding this weekly habit of Tina’s to be annoying.
— Horatio’s Khalid Shaikh Mohammed commentary has some laughs, with his comparisons to who he looks like in his infamous photo, but portions of this feel awkwardly improvised and have too many silent pauses. Perhaps portions of this are improvised, given that when this episode would later be re-aired, the dress rehearsal version of this commentary would be used, in which some of the dialogue is very different and also seemingly improvised, and Horatio and Jimmy’s performances are much more loose. So loose that, at one point for a brief moment, Horatio jokingly slips in an “ova heah” bit, referencing that dreaded Aquarium Repairmen sketch from earlier this season.
— Jeff rebounds nicely after his awful Baby K bit from earlier tonight, with a fantastic and fun impression of how Dustin Hoffman acted at that year’s recent Grammys. Jeff even looks like him here.
— Parnell’s Trevor The Broadway Guy is at least a change from the roles that Parnell is usually typecast in, and it’s certainly nice seeing him get a front-and-center showcase, but unfortunately, I’m not finding myself laughing here.
— Much like the Khalid Shaikh Mohammed commentary, the Trevor The Broadway Guy commentary would later be replaced with the dress rehearsal version in reruns, which is longer than the live version. One of the things the dress version of the commentary has that the live version doesn’t is Parnell’s Trevor mentioning doing an off off off off off off-Broadway show (I can’t remember exactly how many “off”s he used, but it was a lot). I’m now wondering if Jeff’s Dustin Hoffman commentary was also replaced with the dress rehearsal version in reruns. If so, wow, SNL might as well have just shown the dress version of this ENTIRE Update in reruns.
— It’s become a running gag these past two Updates for Jimmy to do a joke about Vagina Auction, a non-existent(?) FOX reality show.
— Tonight’s weekly end-of-Update walk-on from SNL writer Eric Slovin has him dressed as Thomas Jefferson and using Jimmy’s pencil to sign the Declaration of Independence.
STARS: **½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Dy-na-mi-tee”


GIVE UP THE HAM
(WLF) pleads for peace via song when (host) & (AMP) fight over a ham

— Oh, here comes a favorite of mine.
— When this sketch originally aired, I remember thinking Amy looked very Hillary Clinton-esque in that wig and dress, which is funny in retrospect, given that Amy would later start playing Hillary the following season.
— After Amy’s dignified and lengthy description of what she plans to do with the ham, I like Latifah’s simplified, ghetto version of her own plans for the ham: “I’m gonna take this ham home and I’mma eat it.”
— I love this sketch so much that I’ll refrain from ranting about the fact that this is Kattan’s SECOND drag role tonight, in addition to the fact that his only other appearance tonight besides those two drag roles was playing a flamboyant gay role (Gelman in the Live With Regis And Kelly sketch).
— The increasingly out-of-hand fight over the ham has a nice escalating absurdity to it, and I also like how Latifah and Amy’s respective friends are opposite versions of the same archetype.
— I love Will’s delivery of “Everybody just needs to cooooool out” when he walks on and takes the ham away from the fighting customers.
— There’s Will’s classic Give Up The Ham musical number, a legendary Forte moment, and a great example of how much he hit the ground running in his first season with his delightful oddball style.
— Great ending with Parnell stepping in front of the camera as a random spokesman and explaining the story behind this sketch, which includes the writer being drunk.
STARS: *****


TV FUNHOUSE
“X-Presidents” by RBS- SpongeBob SquarePants rejects cartoon jingoism

— I got a huge laugh from Reagan’s line, regarding Carter’s Nobel Prize: “They should call it the No-Balls Prize.” Reagan’s bitter one-liners in these cartoons never fail to kill me.
— Funny war propaganda cartoon clips of Bugs Bunny and Grape Ape, the former of which is based on an actual WWII Bugs Bunny cartoon (“Bugs Bunny Nips The Nips”).
— Nice to see that Spongebob Squarepants’ appearance here is being voiced by Tom Kenny, Spongebob’s real voice actor.
— Some laughs from the display of how inappropriate Spongebob would be for a modern-day war propaganda cartoon.
— Wow, after a Spongebob appearance, now we get a Powerpuff Girls appearance? Unfortunately, all of these famous cartoon character appearances aren’t turning out as epic as one might think. This cartoon is a little too average for my likes.
— No musical number at the end? Don’t these X-Presidents cartoons always end with one?
STARS: ***


PROFILES IN JAZZ
’20s singer’s (host) lyrics didn’t hide sexual content

— Great to see Darrell’s Jack Perkins impression back for the first time in years.
— “Joe The Plumber”? Well, that now sure brings up unintended memories of the future 2008 elections.
— Dammit, Maya’s doing that godforsaken nasal, throaty voice ONCE AGAIN. Her over-reliance on that voice lately is getting ridiculous.
— Some laughs from Latifah’s increasingly un-subtle sexual songs.
— Fred is hilarious and spot-on in his interview as a pretentious, unemployed jazz historian.
— Wow, two roles in one sketch for Tracy.
STARS: ***


DON’S APOTHECARY
overly-personal apothecary Don (HOS) drives business to Walgreens

— This is the first of two of these Don’s Apothecary sketches. I remember not caring for these at all when they originally aired, but Horatio would later give a backstory about this sketch during an interview, explaining that he when he came up with these sketches, he was attempting a slice-of-life, relatable feel, and based it on real-life childhood experiences from when the neighborhood he grew up in went through a change. Knowing that, I’ll hopefully have more of an appreciation for these sketches now that I’m revisiting these.
— I love Will’s inexplicably dignified, proud delivery when correcting Horatio by telling him “No, I have herpes.”
— A few minutes into this sketch, and, while I’m indeed enjoying the relatable feel that Horatio intended for these sketches, I’m still not finding this sketch all that great, and all the juvenile medical-related jokes aren’t doing much for me.
— Didn’t care for the Walgreens twist ending. It also reminded me too much of that “Gary’s Fish Tanks” twist ending from that dreaded Aquarium Repairmen sketch.
— I’m not 100% sure, but I think this sketch would later be replaced with the dress rehearsal version in reruns (seems to be a lot of that in this episode), which includes some differences in the last portion leading up to the Walgreens twist ending.
STARS: **½


MISTER ROGERS TRIBUTE
HOS sings “You Are Special” to mark the passing of Mister Rogers

— A nice change of pace with us getting a display of a more tender, emotional side of Horatio.
— A very sweet tribute to Mister Rogers after his passing.
— Great ending with the famous Mister Rogers trolley passing by at the end.
STARS: N/A (I’m never sure if any of SNL’s tribute pieces warrant a rating)


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A pretty average episode. There were a few strong things, including one of my favorite sketches of the season (Give Up The Ham), but quite a lot of the episode felt comprised of average material, as well as a few iffy things here and there. Queen Latifah was a pretty fun and reliable host as expected.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Christopher Walken)
a step down


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Salma Hayek

Posted on

February 22, 2003 – Christopher Walken / Foo Fighters (S28 E13)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

HARDBALL
French foreign minister (host) enjoys nettling USA over Iraq

— Nice to see that the reliability and popularity of these Hardball sketches has gotten to the point where SNL is now using them as a cold opening. This is especially needed at this point, considering how terrible a lot of cold openings have been in the second half of this season so far.
— Good to see Christopher Walken not only appearing right at top of the show, but in a Hardball sketch to boot.
— Darrell’s Chris Matthews almost slipped into Dennis Miller territory with his “I haven’t seen a group of people this crazy for blood since the Cobra Kai chased Daniel-San out of the Halloween dance in Karate Kid.” All he needed was a more obscure reference and either a “Cha-cha” or a “Ha-HAAAA!” at the end.
— Chris Matthews, to the French foreign minister: “That’s big talk from a country who’s only contributions to world culture in the last 50 years are Gerard Depardieu and that horny skunk!”
— Very funny reveal from Christopher’s French foreign minister that France is only being pro-war “just to be, how you say, douchebag.”
— A lot of Parnell’s lines in this have been forgettable (which is unusual, as he used to always get the funniest lines in Hardball sketches, before he got fired in 2001), but I did like his bit right now about attacking countries in alphabetical order.
— Christopher delivers his very first and, I think, only “Live from New York…”, which he, of course, does in his trademark slow and awkward style. We also get this epic creepy Walken stare into the camera immediately afterwards:

SNL would later replace this “Live from New York…” with the dress rehearsal version in reruns. I can’t remember if he does the creepy-looking camera staredown afterwards in that version or not.
STARS: ****


MONOLOGUE
host sings “Exactly Like You” & brings on some dancing girls

— Well-deserved extended applause for Christopher at the beginning.
— Wow, he dives right into his obligatory song-and-dance number this time, with no set up.
— Funny how he IMMEDIATELY goes into casually speaking to us as soon as his song-and-dance number abruptly stops.
— Just now, Christopher said “crazy mix-em-ups”, a variation of his legendary “crazy make-em-ups” line.
— Christopher’s backup dancers are being played by extras instead of the female cast this time?
— An overall short and intentionally simple monologue with a very careless, “Ehh, let’s get this over with” attitude, which is something that Christopher Walken is one of the few SNL hosts who can get away with making come off acceptable. At the same time, however, I wish this monologue weren’t so half-assed by the writers. Christopher deserved better than this, especially given the epic monologue from his last episode in season 26.
STARS: ***


PRANKSTERS
to (host), murder by tire iron is a hilarious practical joke

— Seth and Kattan are solid at selling the cheesy goofiness of this show.
— Just the mere idea of Christopher being a fan of such a juvenile show like this is hilarious in itself.
— An absolutely priceless turn with Christopher’s “prank” being him violently beating Parnell to death with a tire iron.
— Very funny how the show’s crew is inappropriately continuing to play goofy, cartoonish sound effects when Christopher is proudly bragging about his dark, deathly “prank”.
— I remember a lot of debate on SNL forums back in the day about Seth’s performance in this sketch being overrated. I never got why that was such a hot topic. Seth is fine in this sketch, and this is coming from someone who doesn’t care much for him.
— Christopher, on his hatred of stiffly stifflersons: “I wanna prank them for hours in my basement.”
— Overall, a classic. Remember a few seasons later when SNL inexplicably tries to re-create this classic sketch with fucking Robert DeNiro, of all people? Oh, I’ll definitely have things to say about THAT when we come to it.
STARS: *****


THE CONTINENTAL
The Continental pursues a spokesmodel for his line of beauty products

— This ends up being the final Continental sketch. As of 2020, Christopher has hosted only one additional time after tonight’s episode (which is unfathomable), and that episode breaks tradition by refraining from doing a Continental sketch. Even if Christopher ever makes a hosting comeback anytime in the future, they can probably never do a Continental sketch ever again, as the now-deceased Tom Davis wrote those sketches. (Davis was still alive and well in the final episode that Christopher hosted, which makes me wonder why they refrained from doing a Continental sketch that week.)
— A good laugh from The Continental presenting his female guest with a platter of “fancy” food that includes Ants on a Log and Combos.
— I love Continental calling the female guest his “Arctic hush puppy”.
— Great line with Continental apologizing for letting his “little head think for the big one”.
— Hilarious bit with the floor mirror.
STARS: ****½


RAFT CAPTAIN
after losing his ship, incompetent captain (host) leads liferaft to ruin

— So many laughs from all the things that Christopher is apologizing for. I even love his line about using the lifeboat flares to light his farts.
— Funny how Christopher considers it irrational for Seth to be angry at him for once trying to eat Seth.
— Christopher, during his apology for one wild thing he once did: “I’m out of cocaine now. That stuff’s not gonna happen again.”
— I absolutely love Christopher’s perfectly Walken-esque delivery of “There’s no stopping the BIRD ATTACKS NOW!”
— An awkwardly-written and awkwardly-staged ending that only worked because Christopher is the master at selling awkward.
STARS: ****½


AFRICAN-AMERICAN ARCHIVES
the first African-American to yell at a movie screen (TRM) is honored

— Dean gets a VERY rare lead role, doing a solid Don Cheadle impression. Dean actually previously starred as Cheadle in a fake ad in SNL’s “Weekend Update Halftime Special” from earlier this season (a special that served as NBC’s alternative to ABC’s Super Bowl halftime show while it was airing). In his limited airtime lately, Dean is proving himself to have a Jeff Richards-type knack for doing dead-on impressions of celebrities. I recall Dean having a website at this time that had audio clips of him doing great impressions, even including Homer Simpson.
— A pretty amusing spoof of the old cliche about black people yelling at the movie screen. While I find most comedy material on that subject to be one of the hackiest things ever (including an awful sketch that SNL itself will soon do just a few episodes later when Bernie Mac hosts), it’s working in this sketch because of 1) the incongruously straitlaced, professional way it’s being presented in this format, and 2) Dean’s solid dead-serious delivery when detailing the actions of the first black man to yell at a movie screen.
— Tracy makes his only “appearance” of the entire night here, and I use quotation marks because this technically doesn’t count as an actual appearance, since Tracy’s only shown in still photos. Him basically being absent in tonight’s episode is a bit surprising, given how much SNL has been relying on him this season, but we’re still seeing more of him tonight than we’ll see of Horatio. Not only is Horatio COMPLETELY absent in tonight’s episode, but it’s the second time that’s happened to him in just these past few episodes. Both times Horatio was absent, his lack of presence has barely even been noticeable nor has had any negative effect on the show, which proves how expendable he is.
STARS: ***


COLONEL ANGUS
after the Civil War, arrival of Colonel Angus (host) has oral sex subtext

— One of several dirty wordplay sketches from around these years, and in my opinion, one of the best. I believe this is a bit of a polarizing sketch among SNL fans (or at least it used to be, back in the day), but I’m definitely in the “love it” camp.
— All the innocent-but-suggestive-sounding lines about Colonel Angus are a riot.
— Oh, god, even in a very brief walk-on role, Maya has to do one of her dumb nasal, throaty voices, a standby of hers that’s really starting to annoy me by this point of her SNL tenure. It’s certainly not enough to ruin this sketch for me, especially considering how brief her appearance is and the fact that she only has one line, but that voice is a very unnecessary aspect of this sketch that briefly takes attention away from the dialogue itself, which is a shame, as the dialogue is what’s driving this sketch.
— I love Rachel greeting Colonel Angus by calling him “You old carpet-bagger”.
— A particularly funny line with Colonel Angus requesting to be tapped on the head if he overstays his welcome.
— This sketch is starting to have me in tears.
— Funny how Jeff is the only character in this entire sketch who catches all the dirty innuendo. His “Eww!” when walking off cracked me up.
— Random how this sketch ends with the performers bowing down towards the camera, as if this is a play.
STARS: *****


WEEKEND UPDATE
TIF shows Department Of Homeland Security’s alarming warning signs

Christina Aguilera (MAR) vocalizes her emotions regarding the Grammys

Steve Martin cameo

having quit showbiz, WIF now lives on a farm with Britney Spears [real]

— A very unnecessary, unfunny, and dumb ad-lib Tina made after her opening joke. Immediately after that, the camera cuts to Jimmy staring at the camera with a very deadpan look on his face and he wisely just goes on with the jokes, instead of indulging in Tina’s horrible ad-libbing and giggling. You know, it’s very odd what’s been gradually happening to Tina and Jimmy over the course of this season. It’s like they’ve been switching personalities, with Tina now being the goofball, unprofessional, giggly, weaker anchor who often does the lamer jokes, and Jimmy now being the professional, straitlaced, deadpan, superior anchor who often does the better jokes. What the hell is happening?
— The side segment with Tina showing placards of Homeland Security’s warning signs is a completely laughless waste of time. Tina continues to just get worse and worse as an Update anchor as this season progresses. Considering how strong her first two seasons at the Update desk were, it’s been sad to watch her go downhill.
— A spot-on and pretty funny Christina Aguilera impression from Maya.
— Jimmy translating Maya-as-Aguilera’s wordless musical vocalizations is reminiscent of the famous Bob Dylan bit that Dana Carvey once did on Update.
— Hell yeah! A Steve Martin walk-on out of freakin’ nowhere! I remember how incredible it felt to see this when watching this episode live, mainly because 1) this was Steve’s first SNL appearance in years, and 2) this was the very first time I got to see a Steve Martin appearance while watching an episode live.
— A great Steve Martin bit, with him detailing the step-by-step process of his intentionally simplistic, pointless cameo.
— Jimmy’s been getting some solid mean-spirited deadpan jokes lately, such as his Lara Flynn Boyle joke from a few episodes ago and his Eating Disorder Awareness Week joke tonight.
— The killer cameos in tonight’s Update keep on comin’, as we now get Will Ferrell! Awesome!
— It feels so odd but so nice to see Will appearing in an episode this season, after I’ve gotten so used to SNL without him over the course of this season. His appearance tonight is making me realize just how much I miss him in the cast.
— Yet ANOTHER killer cameo in tonight’s Update, with us now getting Britn– oh. Okay, so, yeah, to an SNL nerd like myself, this Britney Spears cameo is definitely nowhere near the level of a Steve Martin or Will Ferrell cameo. It’s decent enough, though.
— Funny part with Will and Britney admitting they’re horrible farmers and that “all our animals are sick”.
— Tonight’s weekly end-of-Update walk-on from SNL writer Eric Slovin has him dressed in a karate gi and proceeding to karate chop Jimmy’s pencil in half.
STARS: ***


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “All My Life”


CABIN LOVERS
(MAR) wants no part of Dr. Walter’s lusty exploits with Roger & Virginia

— The return of The Luvahs. I’ve developed a better appreciation of these characters when recently reviewing the seasons they regularly appeared in, but of all of the Will Ferrell characters and impressions that SNL could’ve brought back tonight, this isn’t near the top of my list.
— Christopher is reprising the character he played in the Luvahs sketch from the last episode he hosted, though the role of his lover is now played by Maya instead of the no-longer-on-the-show Ana Gasteyer.
— Christopher, on he and his lover’s lovemaking: “She made more expressions than Jim Carrey in Ace Ventura.” That line is even funnier in retrospect, knowing a certain additional and unplanned cameo we’re getting later tonight.
— Hilarious line from Christopher about a “circle yank”. Much like the last time he appeared in a Luvahs sketch, Christopher is getting a lot of the best lines.
— Christopher’s parting words, “I must chase after her… for she is my ride”, was hilarious when he said it the last time he appeared in a Luvahs sketch, but it felt unnecessary to repeat this time.
— Oh, god, speaking of unnecessary, there’s our obligatory and unfunny “Ow my back” ending that these Luvahs sketches always end with.
STARS: ***½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Times Like These (One-Way Motorway)”; Jim Carrey cameo

— As if we didn’t have enough amazing cameos tonight, we now get JIM FUCKING CARREY making an impromptu walk-on out of nowhere in the middle of Foo Fighters’ performance, playing his leg like a guitar! Absolutely incredible. This cameo, which reportedly was a VERY last-minute decision made on the fly by SNL (IIRC, Jim was in the audience for this episode) and was completely unexpected by Foo Fighters, has definitely got to be one of the most random, exciting, funniest, and best cameos in SNL history, and it’s one of those moments that makes you really appreciate the spontaneity of live TV.
— At the end of the performance, long after Jim Carrey has exited, Dave Grohl acknowledges Jim’s unexpected cameo by saying into the microphone “Thanks, Jim.”


THE RIALTO GRANDE
act of Buddy Mills & fellow lounge comic (host) has an air of pathos

— This sketch has officially become recurring.
— A hilarious corny walk-on from Christopher with his pants down.
— That “Haaaaaaaaa!” laugh that Kattan always does as this character never fails to slay me.
— Christopher: “Here’s a little tune I wrote when I heard it on the radio.”
— Even though they used this joke in the first installment of this sketch, I still got a great laugh from Fred’s delayed rimshot happening during a dark, emotional revelation of Christopher’s.
— Christopher: “The only thing Audrey left me with was her hysterectomy bill… and one of my nuts.”
STARS: ****


GOODNIGHTS

— Christopher Walken, Will Ferrell, Steve Martin, and Jim Carrey… ALL ON ONE STAGE TOGETHER. A truly incredible sight.
— Ha, now we get the Continental camera man appearing on stage in both a long blonde wig AND a dress. These goodnights are simply amazing.

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— Another magnificent Christopher Walken episode, and the best episode of this shaky season so far. Not a single bad sketch to be found in this episode, and we got plenty of strong sketches, including two that I consider a classic (Pranksters, Colonel Angus), as well as one classic unplanned moment during Foo Fighters’ second musical performance.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Jennifer Garner)
a step up


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Queen Latifah

Posted on

February 15, 2003 – Jennifer Garner / Beck (S28 E12)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

PRESIDENTIAL ADDRESS
George W. Bush (CHP) doesn’t care if Iraq has weapons of mass destruction

— What the hell was with the random, delayed, very muted brief audience applause that started shortly after Parnell’s President Bush started his speech?
— A few mildly funny lines, but otherwise, this cold opening is a complete snoozefest. As a variation of something I said in an earlier review, it’s one thing to use understated, low-key humor, but it’s another thing to use humor so subtle and straight that you can’t find the joke. This cold opening is another early preview of how soft, meandering, and weak Jim Downey-written political cold openings will often be during Downey’s later years as an SNL writer.
— Parnell’s Bush impression has now reached the point where it’s become just a very bland, straightforward imitation, with Parnell not throwing in any comical quirks or anything to make the impression funny in itself (which it sure could’ve used in this particular cold opening, because lord knows the material itself ain’t funny).
STARS: *½


MONOLOGUE
host sings “My Funny Valentine” to the male castmembers wooing her

 

— I like how the entire male cast is appearing in this.
— Darrell as himself is coming off so awkward in this. By the way, this ends up being his ONLY appearance all night. The fact that, not only is this the second consecutive episode in which Darrell does practically nothing (his awful Colin Powell impression in the preceding episode was the only thing he did that night, and even there, he only had one line), but also that SNL couldn’t find ANY impressions or noteworthy roles for him tonight just shows how much his relevancy on SNL is slowly beginning to wane.
— Tracy in that cupid outfit is a hilarious visual.
— Some okay insults from Jennifer Garner to individual male cast members during her singing of “My Funny Valentine”.
— Tracy to Jennifer: “You make me feel like the Lion King!”
— Darrell looks kinda miserable while standing in the background of this monologue. That’s another sad thing about him that slowly starts around this time: a very dour undertone to a lot of his performances, and him rarely looking like he’s enjoying himself anymore.
STARS: ***


CLAPPIN’!
musical generates applause via nonstop on-stage hand slapping

— Another piece tonight that’s utilizing most of the cast.
— Hilarious premise for a Stomp parody, and this is being executed so well.
— Some very funny close-ups of some of the individual cast members, such as the one of Will clapping with a very intense look on his face, and the one of Fred’s dumb smile while demonstrating the clapping style of Japan.
— Horatio is hilarious during his testimonial.
— Odd how this ended with the studio audience not “clappin’” (pardon the lame pun). This commercial went into the next sketch with no audience applause at all. I wonder why that’s occasionally been happening this season (especially in the Sarah Michelle Gellar episode, an episode notorious for a brutally unresponsive audience). Is the audience choosing not to applaud during these instances, or is SNL just doing some kind of occasional experiment this season by choosing to not light the applause sign after certain sketches/commercials?
STARS: ****


LIGHTS OUT
(JIF)’s bar pick-up (host) morphs into homely (FRA) when the lights go up

— Very funny turn with Jimmy’s good-looking date turning very unattractive when the lights turn on. I love Jimmy’s yell of “GAH!” when seeing his now-unattractive date.
— The back-and-forth switching between Jennifer and Fred is being executed well.
— Just now, when expressing shock at seeing his date turn ugly again, Jimmy exclaims “God!” and “Damn!”, one after another, then kinda looks off-camera with what appears to be a genuinely awkward, worried look on his face, presumably because he knows saying “goddamn” on non-cable TV was taboo back in these days.
— Jimmy’s various attempts to get his date to look pretty again are all very funny, especially him taking a swig from a whole bunch of different drinks in rapid succession.
STARS: ****


WAKE UP WAKEFIELD!
at Valentine’s Day dance, (host) has crush on Sheldon

— Much like the installment of this sketch that took place at a slumber party, it’s nice to see Wake Up Wakefield using another new setting.
— We get the beginning of Maya’s Megan re-directing her usual love for Randy Goldman towards male celebrities, which goes on to be a regular part of these sketches from now on. Good to see they’re attempting some kind of development with the Megan character.
— Horatio’s teacher character imitating the backwards-speaking part of Missy Elliott’s “Work It” is quite funny.
— A pretty amusing and sweet turn with Jennifer’s character revealing her crush on Rachel’s Sheldon.
— Great part with Sheldon making an uncharacteristic bold move by kissing Jennifer’s character on the lips before exiting the dance.
STARS: ***½


SADDAM & OSAMA
Saddam Hussein (HOS) phones Osama bin Laden (JIF) to ask for some slack

— Jimmy as Osama Bin Laden seems like questionable casting at first, but I’m aware of where they’re going with this casting.
— I love Fred’s delivery of “Awkwaaaaarrrrrrrd!” and how it’s comically incongruous with the role he’s playing here.
— This sketch is much better than I had remembered. In past viewings, I, like probably like a lot of people, dismissed this as typical unfunny Fallon/Sanz self-indulgent jackassery, but right now, as I’m currently watching this sketch with much more of an open mind, I’m actually enjoying this and I find it has a goofy charm and amusing dialogue, and it’s made even funnier by the fact that these are evil dictators that Jimmy and Horatio are portraying in this silly way together. This sketch is a rare example of SNL actually utilizing the self-indulgent jackassery of the Fallon/Sanz duo the RIGHT way.
— I love Osama always following up Saddam’s remark of “Listen” with “I will listen, it’s a phone!”
— Even the occasional parts of this sketch where Jimmy and Horatio accidentally talk over each other has that aforementioned goofy charm that I like.
STARS: ***½


INVITATION TO LOVE
soap opera actress (host) attempts passionate scene with effeminate (CHK)

— Oh, god. Kattan playing his bazillionth tired, over-the-top gay stereotype role. Kattan has been slowly making some much-needed improvements in the second half of this season, but he’s relapsing BIG TIME in this sketch.
— Ugh, just as I feared early on, this sketch has been turning out to be nothing but a parade of bad, predictable, and hacky gay stereotype tropes.
— Horrible ending with Kattan’s voice being comically re-dubbed with a deep voice, reminiscent of that awful ending from the otherwise-great Fun Friend Club sketch from earlier this season.
STARS: *


TWINS
(CHK) is disappointed to be paired with (host)’s ugly Siamese twin (RAD)

— A funny variation of Rachel’s deformed baby character, who has become a reliable running gag on SNL.
— A huge laugh from Kattan’s unsuccessful attempt at trying to sit on the end of the couch that’s farthest away from the ugly Siamese twin.
— Great line from Kattan regarding the Siamese twins: “It looks like one of them had more time to cook than the other.”
— After relapsing badly in the preceding sketch, Kattan IMMEDIATELY redeems himself with this sketch. He’s giving a very solid performance here.
— A killer ending line from Rachel, directed to Jimmy while he’s making out with Jennifer’s character: “You can make out with her six ways till Sunday, but I’m the one with the vagina.”
STARS: ****½


WEEKEND UPDATE
rhyming Burt Bacharach (JER) doesn’t back an attack on Iraq

TRM’s advocacy of an all-out race war is preempted by NBC

CHP performs a rap about how he & host couple up for espionage & sex

— Jimmy’s opening joke kinda bombed.
— Ugh, more hacky gay humor tonight, with Tina’s horrible France/Germany joke.
— Boy, a lot of jokes in tonight’s Update are falling fairly flat with the audience (and me).
— When this episode originally aired, I remember an online SNL fan pointing out how Bush-like Jeff looked as Burt Bacharach, with the gray hair and squinty eyes, and that SNL fan speculated what it would be like if Jeff replaced Parnell as SNL’s Bush impersonator (which goes to show you that a lot of SNL fans at the time were NOT happy with Parnell’s impression and wanted a re-casting of that role), especially since it’s known what a strong impressionist Jeff is. It would soon be learned that Jeff really did have a Bush impression in his back pocket during these years, which he was seen doing in his stand-up gigs at comedy clubs, but unfortunately, SNL would never use that Bush impression of his. Who knows? If SNL had him instead of Darrell replace Parnell’s Bush the following season, Jeff perhaps wouldn’t have disappeared mysteriously at the midpoint of that season, whether he left or got fired. (I don’t think we’ll ever find out the TRUE circumstances behind Jeff’s odd mid-season disappearance.) Not to mention we would’ve been spared of suffering through Darrell’s embarrassing attempt at a Bush impression.
— The rhyming commentary from Jeff’s Burt Bacharach was… okay, I guess. I dunno, I’m left feeling that the commentary seemed a little pointless. It didn’t do all that much for me.
— The Burt Bacharach commentary would later be removed from NBC’s rerun of this episode, presumably because this episode reran shortly after the war in Iraq officially began, and SNL possibly felt it would be in poor taste to re-air this lighthearted Bacharach commentary with him protesting an American attack on Iraq. I believe this commentary would later be left intact in the syndicated 60-minute version of this episode shown on cable.
— Jimmy and Tina’s jokes have been getting a little better, after such a horrible start.
— A pretty good laugh from Tracy’s proposal of an all-out race war suddenly getting cut off by a “Please stand by” graphic.
— When the aforementioned “Please stand by” graphic ends, Tracy is shown yelling the end of a sentence: “–white people’s heads on spikes!” I recall SNL later using the dress rehearsal version of Tracy’s commentary in reruns, in which he says a different angry line after the “Please stand by” graphic ends, though I can’t remember what the different line is.
— Much like the last Update commentary that Tracy did as himself two episodes prior, tonight’s Tracy commentary kinda felt below par for his standards. I want Tracy to go back to doing his usual stand-up-type Update commentaries that have substance, instead of the more half-assed commentaries that he’s done these past two times.
— Tina’s raunchy “The chicken came first” punchline about a chicken/rooster honeymoon is one of her all-time best jokes.
— Ah, our third Parnell Update rap!
— Hmm, tonight’s Parnell rap is different, with him doing a slower, more R&B style. An interesting change of pace, but I definitely prefer his harder, faster raps from prior. Also, the lyrics of tonight’s Parnell rap are failing to provide any laughs.
— Tonight’s weekly end-of-Update walk-on from SNL writer Eric Slovin has him walking by the Update desk as a blind man holding out a cup, and Jimmy placing his own pencil into Slovin’s cup.
STARS: **½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Lost Cause”


MICHAEL JACKSON IN A TREE
Elizabeth Taylor (RAD) gives counsel to Michael Jackson (AMP)

— Uh, wow. Quite a random setting and sketch.
— Even more random is the fact that Michael Jackson is being played by Amy, of all people. I remember some online SNL fans at the time, including myself, felt that this casting was a slap in the face to Dean, who was known to have an accurate Michael Jackson impression that he had been trying over and over to get on the air, but it would always end up getting cut after dress rehearsal. That being said, I now kinda understand the casting of Amy in this sketch, as her goofier, more childlike portrayal of Michael Jackson fits the tone of this silly, absurd piece more than Dean’s more realistic impression probably would’ve. But that ALSO being said, I’m not caring for Amy’s goofy MJ portrayal here. It’s not doing anything for me, and neither is this sketch itself. I’m not finding this sketch bad enough to call horrible or give a one-star rating to, as I kinda appreciate the insane, oddball nature that SNL’s going for in this, but the sketch has been just coming off very “whatever” to me.
— I will say that I am enjoying Rachel’s loopy portrayal of Elizabeth Taylor.
— I kinda like the detail of Jennifer using an Elvis voice and lip-twitch for her portrayal of Lisa Marie Presley.
— The audience is pretty dead throughout this sketch, as am I.
— Ah, we get to see Dean’s MJ impression after all, though he’s just playing one of three MJ alien clones. He at least gets a meaty amount of dialogue during his appearance here, though. Also, he looks absolutely unrecognizable under that makeup.
— Funny line about Elizabeth Taylor having a planet of her own.
STARS: **


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Guess I’m Doin’ Fine”


WAL-MART SUPERCENTER
greeters (AMP) & (host) marvel at the vast geography of their Wal-Mart

— Some pretty good laughs from this sketch’s increasingly exaggerated treatment of the huge size of this Wal-Mart store. I especially like the bit about Wal-Mart having its own languages.
— I’m starting to get almost a Bill Brasky vibe from the oddball factoids that Jennifer and Amy are taking turns telling each other about this Wal-Mart.
— Interesting character voice from Fred in a very small role.
STARS: ***½


MY BIG THICK NOVEL BY JACK HANDEY
deadly germs are dead in chapter 490

— I believe this ends up being the final My Big Thick Novel to ever air on SNL.


GOODNIGHTS

— I like the Clappin’ callback that Beck and his band are doing with each other and with some of the cast members.

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A good episode. Not much to complain about, and the first half of this episode had a few standout strong segments. Lately, the quality of this season’s episodes seems to be following a good-bad-good-bad pattern. DeNiro: bad, Gore: great, Gordon: bad, Liotta: solid, McConaughey: horrible, Garner: good.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Matthew McConaughey)
a big step up


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Christopher Walken. I guess that aforementioned good-bad-good-bad pattern that this season’s episodes have been following lately finally gets broken.

Posted on

February 8, 2003 – Matthew McConaughey / The Dixie Chicks (S28 E11)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

U.N. SECURITY COUNCIL
United Nations delegates ignore Colin Powell (DAH) & plan to abuse power

— There’s something wrong with the top of the screen (you can see it in the above screencaps for this cold opening, and in the screencaps of the following monologue). This isn’t a local affiliate issue; this apparently happened on ALL the affiliates that this episode originally aired on, which shows that the problem must’ve been from SNL’s end. This technical issue persists until the first commercial break of the show, which is right after the monologue.
— WTF? Darrell as Colin Powell? I know the man has played Jesse Jackson on the show many times before, but come the hell on! Besides, didn’t Dean play Colin Powell once in the preceding season, without even having any lines? So why would SNL yank the role away from him and give it to Darrell, who’s completely half-assing it? And since when does Colin Powell talk out of the corner of his mouth? That’s what Darrell’s doing here, for God knows what reason.
— Oh, god, another damn translator cold opening this season. Spare me.
— Geez, even during his serious speech here, Jimmy looked like he was about to bust out laughing during one part, after the gesture he does when his voice-over translator says “So unnecessary.”
— I find this premise lame, with the delegates having a deep, extensive discussion about trivial things like where they’re going for lunch. This is the type of soft, weak Jim Downey-written political humor that would dominate Downey’s later years as an SNL writer.
— I am now FOUR MINUTES into this damn cold opening, and I haven’t laughed a single time.
— Okay, I got a minor chuckle just now from the joke that Fred’s Chile delegate character plays on the other delegates.
— This cold opening is going on forever.
— Dean had a somewhat funny line just now, which is rare for him. I still don’t understand why he couldn’t play Colin Powell in this cold opening, though. Tracy (who’s one of the very few cast members who doesn’t appear in this cold opening) could’ve easily played the Cameroon delegate that Dean’s playing here.
— Darrell-as-Powell’s zoned-out facial expression when the camera cuts back to him at the end perfectly mirrors my facial expression during most of this cold opening (screencap below).

STARS: *½


MONOLOGUE
host finds an excuse to return to his marijuana-hazed dressing room

— Very energetic, bouncy entrance from Matthew McConaughey at the beginning.
— Matthew’s story had a VERY long, dead-serious, audience-quieting set-up to a mildly funny “Jesus Christ walked everywhere too” punchline. Actually, the punchline wasn’t bad, and I would appreciate it elsewhere, but this long, serious story felt kinda out of place in an SNL monologue. Matthew seems to have a thing for taking the time in his monologues to tell a very long-winded, audience-quieting story that leads to a punchline, as he would later do the same thing in his monologue from season 41, and from what I remember, the punchline to that story was just plain weak.
— A laugh from Kattan being heard telling an SNL intern “I totally agree, Mango should be a movie” when Matthew is rushing backstage towards his dressing room.
— The pot smoke-filled dressing room is funny and reminds me of Eric Idle’s season 4 monologue.
— Great line from a stoned Amy, when pretending to snap a photo: “I just took a Amy Poehler-oid with my mind!”
— Some good laughs from Matthew being heard taking a hit from his bong behind his dressing room door, and Tracy being heard advising him the right way to inhale through it.
— When Matthew blew out some pot smoke from his mouth when returning to the home base stage, his face oddly looked JUST LIKE Woody Harrelson (which is fitting, I guess, as Harrelson’s another person who’s known for his love of weed). Actually, I guess Matthew and Woody kinda facially resemble each other in general. I remember I used to think so when they were both younger.
— Overall, this monologue was a tale of two halves. The very iffy first half where Matthew told the long story should’ve been scrapped, and they should’ve just focused on the superior second half where Matthew went backstage.
STARS: ***


BLIND DATE
on a blind date, (host) errs by wildly misguessing (RAD)’s age & weight

— There’s an infamous behind-the-scenes story about this sketch: during a rehearsal earlier in the week, as Matthew was doing the portion of this sketch where he tries to guess Rachel’s age, he ad-libbed by randomly feeling up Rachel’s breasts while trying to figure out her age, an ad-lib that Rachel was speechlessly taken aback by. (Maybe Matthew saw that Fun Friend Club sketch that Rachel did in the last episode.) Rachel would disclose this incident during a Late Night With Conan O’Brien interview later that year, and would even show footage of the incident. When disclosing the incident, Rachel seemed to have a sense of humor about it, much more so than I’m sure most actresses would. After all, that move of Matthew’s is the kind of thing that could get his ass MeToo-ed nowadays (assuming he hasn’t gotten MeToo-ed by someone already).
— I like the random non-sequitur with the following exchange between Rachel and Matthew: “So you went to Morehouse College?” “No, that’s a black college. I went to Grambling.”
— After the aforementioned behind-the-scenes incident with Matthew feeling up Rachel’s breasts was made public, I remember an online SNL fan pointing out that Rachel noticeably kept taking a sip from her drink for an unusually large amount of times all throughout this sketch, and that SNL fan had a theory that Rachel constantly grabbing her drink was her nervous way of trying to prevent Matthew from potentially reaching over and feeling up her breasts on live TV. Being aware of that, I now feel kinda tense watching her throughout this sketch, knowing she had those worries. Poor Rachel.
— Matthew’s bad age-guessing thing didn’t do much for me, but I did get a laugh just now when he told Rachel that he wants to guess her weight, even though I know where this is going.
— I got a cheap laugh from Matthew’s bad drawing of Rachel, but otherwise, I have not been caring for the direction of this whole sketch. The humor is too simplistic and cliched for my likes.
— One positive thing I’ll say is that Rachel is a solid straight man here, and I’m enjoying all of her reactions.
— What the hell was with that punchline at the end? Very weak.
STARS: **


NUTRI-QUICK
Rerun from 10/5/02


JARRET’S ROOM
33 year-old sophomore David Wooderson (host) likes college

— My god, this sketch again, for the THIRD time in these past SIX EPISODES?!? This recurring sketch is nowhere near good enough to keep bringing back so frequently in such a small time frame. I don’t think even Wayne’s World appeared THAT frequently back in the day, and Jarret’s Room isn’t fit to lick Wayne’s World’s boots.
— Boy, this was Gobi’s weakest comical entrance in a Jarret’s Room sketch yet. The writers aren’t even trying anymore.
— Interesting having Matthew reprise his Dazed And Confused character.
— Jeff’s character makes his first appearance in a Jarret’s Room sketch in quite a long time. I had been wondering why they’ve been keeping him out of the last few installments of this sketch.
— The Valentine’s video of Jeff is pretty funny.
— So after the well-liked Phish installment of this sketch, are musical guests going to appear in this sketch EVERY time now? Because I gotta say, The Dixie Chicks certainly aren’t giving this sketch the fun boost that Phish did.
— At the end of this sketch, why did the exit music abruptly stop during the shot of the computer desktop? Was that a technical gaffe?
— An overall weak Jarret’s Room installment that not even Wooderson could save. Boy, aside from the second half of the monologue, I have NOT been enjoying tonight’s episode so far.
STARS: **


PROTEST
at an anti-war rally, speaker (host) can’t keep the crowd on-message

— I love Tracy exclaiming “You know they use hemp to make rope?”
— A lot of laughs from the bad protesting from the crowd, and how their protests are getting increasingly absurd and convoluted.
— Jesus Christ, Matthew is overacting terribly when he’s expressing frustration at the protesters.
— Parnell: “Legalize porn!” Matthew: “Sir, it is legal, okay?” Parnell: “(deadpan) Not the kind *I* like.”
— Solid sketch overall, and the first non-monologue segment of tonight’s episode that I actually enjoyed. If only this sketch had a better straight man, though. Matthew’s straight man performance was not working for me.
STARS: ****


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Travelin’ Soldier”


WEEKEND UPDATE
photos show the past, present, future of Michael Jackson’s face

Joseph Jackson (TRM) criticizes his son Michael’s parenting skills

Patrick (WLF) & Gunther (FRA) Kelly explain tax code changes with a song

— For obvious reasons, it feels kinda odd and sad in retrospect when Tina shows a photo of what Michael Jackson will look like 10 years from now (a photo of a sock puppet), considering he would end up not living long enough to see 10 years from now.
— I like Jimmy’s very deadpan delivery during his uncharacteristically mean-spirited Lara Flynn Boyle joke. Too bad Tina had to almost ruin it with her awful loud guffawing in response to it, which is something she’s developed a VERY annoying habit of doing lately whenever Jimmy does a really clever joke.
— I got a laugh from Tracy’s Joseph Jackson saying his son Michael’s recent interview was “re-duc-a-luss!”
— A funny story from Tracy’s Joseph Jackson about getting scared by Latoya and Michael.
— Jimmy’s video game/phone bit is solid.
— SNL’s using their writers in quite a lot of photo jokes tonight, such as Paula Pell (the sixth-to-last above screencap for this Weekend Update, though I’m not sure I recognize the man with her in the photo) and T. Sean Shannon (the fifth-to-last above screencap for this Update).
— Ah, the debut of Will and Fred’s Kelly Brothers characters. And I absolutely LOVE this pairing of Will and Fred, the two new guys this season. This pairing reminds me of how much of a champion of Will and Fred I was when this season originally aired. They both had such a strong first year (Will in particular) and instantly became who I considered to be two of the more reliable players in an increasingly worrisome period of SNL.
— Will’s insanely high-pitched singing is surprising and hilarious.
— Will and Fred’s overall lyric-less “informative” song was very funny, as well as the perfect length. Short and sweet.
— Tonight’s weekly end-of-Update walk-on from SNL writer Eric Slovin has him dressed as a waiter and taking away Jimmy’s pencil in a restaurant menu.
STARS: ***


CLUB TRAXX
Euroteens love America’s music but hate its foreign policy

— The debut of what I recall being a very weak short-lived recurring sketch.
— Holy hell at Matthew’s bizarre look and even more bizarre voice.
— Boy, the bizarre voice that Mathew’s using is getting old FAST. And this sketch in general is not working. It kinda feels to me like an unfunny, pop music-themed variation of SNL’s Sprockets sketches.
— I kinda laughed at Maya’s foreign-accented delivery of “You’re like a black man from the ghet-to”.
— I’m sick and tired of Fred’s character constantly breaking out into song here. It’s very rare for me to have something negative to say about Fred this early into his tenure, but it’s something that will probably become all too common in my reviews of Fred’s latter years on the show.
— Overall, oof. And to think, I have a few more installments of this sketch to sit through in later episodes.
STARS: *½


STORIES
(CHK) pays the price whenever co-worker (host) uses him to tell a story

— What the holy fuck happened at the beginning? When this sketch opens on an exterior shot of an office building, a very loud off-camera exclamation of “AGH!” can be heard from Matthew, then when the screen crossfades to a shot of both him and Horatio, they’re both sitting silently for an oddly long while, then Matthew mumbles some unintelligible word while Horatio giggles out loud (I can’t tell if that giggling is real or just in character), then Matthew begins sniffing and awkwardly clearing his throat for a few seconds, then after more odd silence, he FINALLY starts delivering his lines. What… the… hell?!? Was Matthew doing a little… uh, snorting backstage before arriving on set for this sketch, if you catch my drift? Actually, a theory that I’ve always had on what the hell happened here is that Matthew let out an unintentional sneeze during the opening exterior shot of the office building, which would explain that off-camera “AGH!” sound from him and why he was seen constantly sniffing and clearing his throat for a few seconds afterwards, but that still doesn’t explain why, after the camera first showed him and Horatio, he awkwardly paused SO DAMN LONG before delivering his first line.
— I laughed out loud at Tracy’s disgusted delivery of “Troy!” when he enters the sketch and immediately gets the wrong impression about Kattan’s Troy character. And there’s something inherently funny about Tracy being cast as an office boss.
— It’s now a few minutes later, and, aside from Tracy’s aforementioned line, I haven’t gotten a single laugh from this sketch.
— I could do without Kattan’s annoying overacting when repeatedly shouting “NO!”
— I finally got my second and final laugh of this sketch, when Tracy immediately exclaimed “Troy, you’re fired!” when he walked in on Kattan’s Troy having his pants down. If it wasn’t for Tracy and his reliable delivery, this sketch would be a 100% bonafide dud. Hell, I had more fun analyzing Matthew’s bizarre unscripted actions at the beginning of this sketch (i.e. his yell of “AGH!”, his sniffing, his throat-clearing, his absurdly long pause before finally speaking) than I’ve been having analyzing the actual content of this sketch.
STARS: *½


SECOND TIME AROUND
Glenda Goodwin welcomes pyramid power advocate (host)

— OH. NO. My misery during tonight’s episode continues, as I’ve always despised these Second Time Around sketches, which makes its debut here.
— I do not like that nasal, throaty voice Maya is using for her Glenda Goodwin character in tonight’s sketch. The voice Maya previously used for Glenda Goodwin in the Attorney-At-Law sketch earlier this season was far more tolerable to me, as the nasal-ness and throaty-ness of her voice was more understated there.
— I got one laugh during this boring sketch so far, from Glenda Goodwin referring to the act of laying around while wearing a t-shirt and no bottoms as “Porky Piggin’ it”.
— Why does Matthew keep speaking off-camera right now while Maya and Rachel are trying to deliver their lines? Man, Matthew has been bothering me more and more as tonight’s episode has progressed. He started out decently earlier in the show, but somewhere around the Protest sketch, he’s gotten increasingly annoying and bizarre with each passing sketch.
— I just realized (probably because I’m bored as hell while watching this sketch) that this is the second recurring talk show sketch with Maya as the host and Rachel as her co-host, after the Wake Up Wakefield sketches.
— Maya’s Glenda Goodwin actually has a few amusing absurd lines throughout this sketch, but I just can’t get past that horrible nasal, throaty voice. It’s killing any humor in her dialogue.
— When wrapping up this sketch at the end, Glenda Goodwin says her next guest will be Joan Petricelli. That’s the same name of the character that Nia Vardalos played in the aforementioned Attorney-At-Law sketch that Glenda Goodwin debuted in.
STARS: *½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Sin Wagon”


MCCONAUGHEY’S RED HOT TEXAS CHILI
host’s product is first in farts

— (*sigh*)
— I could just leave my above sigh as my only comment for this entire sketch, as it sums this sketch up perfectly, but I guess I should say SOMETHING here. As if tonight’s episode hasn’t been unbearable enough, now SNL is scraping the bottom of the barrel, using goofy fart sound effects during Matthew’s chili plug. There have been some times where SNL actually pulled off a fart sketch well (e.g. the Kevin Kline Italian actor sketch), but this sure as hell ain’t one of them. This sketch is something a kid would write when bored during class.
— Nothing else to say about this, except please end tonight’s show already, SNL. I can’t take any more bad sketches.
STARS: *


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— Terrible episode. I enjoyed very little in this. The post-Weekend Update half in particular was absolutely HORRIBLE, with not a single sketch receiving a rating over one-and-a-half stars. I was made increasingly miserable while watching this episode. If you take away Weekend Update, the second half of the monologue, and the Protest sketch (and even the latter was almost ruined by Matthew McConaughey’s bad overacting), you have an episode that’s pretty much unwatchable. I’ve seen some SNL fans over the years use this episode as a prime example of this season’s poor quality, and I’ve also seen some SNL fans even say this feels like an episode from season 20. I’m not sure I disagree with either of those points.

Oh, and just one more time, here’s my face after sitting through this episode:


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Ray Liotta)
a big step down


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Jennifer Garner