Tag: Shakira

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October 17, 2009 – Gerard Butler / Shakira (S35 E4)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

THE ROCK OBAMA
health care obstructionists turn Barack Obama (FRA) into The Rock Obama

— An out-of-nowhere reprisal of The Rock Obama sketch from the preceding season.
— This feels a little empty without Andy’s Rahm Emanuel devilishly encouraging Obama to “get angry!” like he did in the first installment of this sketch. Speaking of Andy’s absence, we won’t be seeing him AT ALL in tonight’s episode. He was reportedly feeling under the weather this week and wasn’t able to do the show.
— And with this random sketch reprisal, we now, of course, get a Dwayne Johnson cameo. Always welcome to see him on SNL.
— Bill’s delivery of “He turns into…The Rock Obama!” was surprisingly weak. See, this is why we need Andy in this sketch.
— Funny bit with The Rock Obama clapping and responding “Hahahaha! Me like dog!” when making Bill bark like a dog.
— The arm-ripping/“Better call your insurance!” bit was HILARIOUS.
— After being stuck in Non-Speaking Bit Part Hell for the last two episodes, Jenny FINALLY gets her first speaking role in a live sketch since her notorious F-bomb from three episodes prior.
— The timing seems kinda off during the early portion of Jason-as-Joe-Biden’s conversation with The Rock Obama.
— I like the detail of Jason’s Biden yelling “Geroni-joooeeeeee!” when jumping through the wall.
STARS: ****


MONOLOGUE
host fends off attackers while singing “The Music Of The Night”

— Gerard Butler announces in a VERY excited manner that he’s the first Scotsman to ever host SNL. I recall an online SNL fan back at this time in 2009 pointing out that that’s NOT true. According to that fan, former hosts Alan Cumming and at least one other person (I forget who) are Scottish.
— Musical monologue? Uh-oh.
— Some okay sudden turns with Gerard occasionally fighting with enemies mid-song.
— Kristen’s walk-on noticeably gets big applause from the audience. Back when this originally aired, I took that as a sign of Kristen’s huge popularity, but then somebody online pointed out to me that the applause might’ve just been because Kristen was walking on as a Phantom Of The Opera character.
STARS: **½


FUQUAY SATIN’S GRAND HOOCHIE SKANK ROSÉ
Fuquay Satin’s (KET) skank rosé is ass-pouringest champagne

— An interesting and different-feeling SNL commercial for this era.
— Solid performance from Kenan. In hindsight, this feels like a warm-up for a big breakout moment Kenan will be having later in this episode with a certain sketch.
— Funny line from Kenan at the end regarding the drink tasting funny after being poured down someone’s ass.
STARS: ***


GAME TIME WITH RANDY AND GREG
alien Greg’s tail keeps conversation away from sports topics

— Odd how this is another sketch tonight that’s brought back from the preceding season’s Dwayne Johnson episode. This time, Dwayne himself has no involvement in this sketch, despite being in the building tonight. The co-host character he played in the first Game Time installment has been replaced with a co-host played by Kenan. As I pointed out in my review of the first installment of this sketch, the interesting thing about Kenan’s new co-host character is the fact that it’s the same character he played at the very end of the first installment of this sketch, who was introduced as the show’s upcoming guest. Nice continuity and attention to detail.
— Despite the “Game Time With Dave and Greg” title from the first installment now being “Game Time With Randy and Greg” in tonight’s installment (as can be seen on the TV screen in the background of most of the above screencaps for this sketch), this inexplicably still opens with the “Game Time With Dave and Greg” title screen by mistake (the first above screencap for this sketch). Wow. I nitpicked the Celebrity Family “Fued” typo in the Ryan Reynolds episode earlier this season, but that’s minor compared to this. How the heck did this “Dave And Greg” gaffe get past SNL’s editors? This would at least later be fixed in reruns.
— Love the bit with Kenan making tongue-clicking sounds to calm Bill’s Greg character down after his tail has appeared onscreen. The very distinct, loud, standout laugh from an audience member during this part makes it even funnier to me.
— While tonight’s Greg rehash is definitely still working, it seems kinda lazy for SNL to reuse the Game Time setting. There was a cut-after-dress-rehearsal sketch from the preceding season’s Zac Efron episode in which Greg, in what would’ve been his second-ever appearance, was put in a completely different setting as the co-host of a children’s show. (A publicity photo of this cut sketch was even shown online somewhere shortly after that episode’s original airing, but after 11 years, I can’t remember where I saw it, nor do I know if it’s still available. Maybe GettyImages has that photo nowadays, though.) So it seems that, at one time, the plan was for SNL to place Greg in different settings in each appearance he would make. However, since SNL deemed that aforementioned Zac Efron sketch not good enough to make it on the air (someone who attended the dress rehearsal of that episode claimed the sketch was actually great), I guess they decided to lazily play it safe by keeping Greg in the original Game Time setting.
— Like the first installment of this sketch, Seth has a rare non-Weekend Update role as the voice of a caller.
— Greg’s freak-out over Gerard grabbing his tail is absolutely priceless.
STARS: ****½


BEAUTY AND THE BEAST
Beast (host) thinks Belle (KRW) isn’t a Beauty since she lacks a big ass

— Great make-up on Gerard.
— I like Kristen’s facial reaction to Gerard’s “I can hardly wait until your transformation” line.
— Funny reveal that Gerard’s Beast is under the impression that Kristen’s Belle is the beast.
— Hilarious turn with Gerard’s Beast bluntly disclosing “I like a big ass.”
— Very funny performance from Bill as Lumiere, and I love his line about once dating a menorah.
— Great line from Bobby’s Cogsworth about a “3:45 ass”.
STARS: ****


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “She Wolf”


WEEKEND UPDATE
enlisted New Jerseyite same-sex couple won’t tell, prefers you don’t ask

Heene family balloon hovers by SEM in search of additional media coverage

SEM translates host’s Scottish-accented message to his family back home

Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder sufferer (KRW) gets stimulated

— (*groan*) Another appearance from the New Jersey Gay Couple. Thankfully, this ends up being their final appearance.
— Ugh, the New Jersey guys’ joke about gay soldiers being stationed at Fort Dix was groan-worthy enough the first time SNL used it, decades prior in the “At One With…” sketch with Joe Piscopo and Charles Rocket in the season 6 premiere.
— The bit with Seth being interrupted by the balloon from that infamous Balloon Boy hoax (man, does that take me back) is…odd. No idea what else to say about it.
— Very rare to see an SNL host do an Update commentary as themselves.
— Some of Seth’s translations of Gerard’s native Scottish message are pretty funny.
— Meh, an obvious joke with Kristen’s Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder sufferer eventually stifling orgasms during her commentary.
— Continuing tonight’s theme of audience members with a standout loud laugh, one audience member’s very noticeable constant laugh during one of Kristen’s stifled orgasm faces is making me laugh more than Kristen’s stifled orgasm face itself is.
— I did like the “Oh, that doesn’t help” response from Kristen when Seth tries to quell her orgasm-related grief by putting his hand on her shoulder.
STARS: ***


300
Leonidas (host) addresses Don’t Ask Don’t Tell with all-gay Spartan army

— A topical “Don’t ask, don’t tell”-themed 300 sketch? And right after Seth made a cheap joke just minutes ago on Update about 300 being “gay”? (*groan*)
— Another groan from me, at Fred doing his ol’ “lispy gay voice” routine once again.
— Fred and Bill playing another gay couple tonight? Really?
— I got a cheap laugh (my first laugh of the whole sketch) from Bobby in that stomach-baring outfit.
— An actual FUNNY bit right now, with Jason’s revelations of why he did all the homoerotic things he did with Gerard’s Leonidas. Even just the mere smug smile on Jason’s face during this part is cracking me up.
STARS: *½


WHAT UP WITH THAT?
singing & dancing bumps panelists; James Franco cameo

— Ladies and gentlemen, we have a major recurring sketch debut!
— There seemed to be a big audio glitch at the beginning. Funny to see in hindsight that a sketch that would go on to become such an iconic recurring sketch almost opened with huge technical difficulties.
— Feels fascinating to now look back at this What Up With That debut, back when SNL probably had no idea how huge it would become. I also haven’t watched a What Up With That sketch in literally YEARS, so it’ll be fun to re-live this.
— I love Kenan going into SNL’s audience during his singing just now.
— Speaking of SNL’s audience, actress and future SNL host Saoirse Ronan can be seen in the audience (to Kenan’s right in the sixth above screencap for this sketch).
— Oh, now this sketch has REALLY begun to take off! We get our very first sighting of Jason’s red tracksuit dancing character, the true MVP of these What Up With That sketches (which is saying something).
— Kenan is so damn fantastic in this sketch that he even managed to make his accidental flubbing of his intro of Abby (in her only appearance all night) come off funny instead of cringeworthy. I also like Abby’s facial reaction to that.
— An absolutely classic crazy-eyed look on a now-sweaty Kenan (the ninth above screencap for this sketch) when he’s occasionally rhythmically repeating random key words from what Abby’s saying.
— Damn, this sketch is getting more and more infectiously fun.
— Hilarious walk-on from Gerard as “The Sex-ecutioner”.
— I love Will’s announcer character from earlier in this sketch now walking on while doing The Robot.
— Very fun dance from Kristen.
— Ha, we see our very first instance of Bill’s Lindsay Buckingham getting bumped, which, even in this inaugural What Up With That installment, we’re told happened various times before.
— Overall, what a fucking blast. I’m not sure how I’ll react to the (many) subsequent installments of this sketch in proportion to tonight’s first installment, but this first installment was absolutely perfect to me. I’m sure I’ll find the subsequent installments to be very fun, but probably not quite as magical-feeling as this first installment. We’ll see, though.
— This sketch is said to have been an official huge turning point for Kenan. There was a whole article a few years ago featuring people from SNL talking about how this What Up With That debut was the important moment in which Kenan finally found his voice as an SNL performer, and gradually started to become the reliable SNL veteran he’s considered by many to be today.
STARS: *****


COTTAGE CHEESE IDEAS
new secretary Trina unhelpfully interrupts (host)’s meeting with (JAS)

— (*groan to end of all groans*) Kill me. The second (and thankfully final) appearance of motherfucking Trina, a.k.a. the motherfucking “Thomaaassss!” lady, a character that always induces some of the saltiest, most acid-spewing rants from me that I’ve ever given in any of my reviews in my SNL project. How does SNL follow up the classic debut of What Up With That with THIS?!? Talk about mood whiplash.
— Why does Trina always seem to associate with men named Thomas? At first, I thought Gerard was playing the same Thomas that Steve Martin played last time, who was Trina’s husband, and I assumed we were supposed to ignore the fact that Gerard’s Thomas looks ABSOLUTELY NOTHING like Steve’s Thomas, but then just now, Gerard said something about having hired Trina for this job, which shows that he’s NOT her husband like Steve’s Thomas character was.
— Two-and-a-half minutes into this sketch, and man, what the hell am I watching?!? (*sigh*) It never ceases to amaze me how absolutely barren the material for this god-awful Trina character is. Like I said in my review of the first installment, it feels like they seriously threw Kristen out there with literally NO writing at all, just an annoying quirky character that Kristen (who has gone on record saying she herself hates this Trina character) was forced to awkwardly ad-lib her way through, as if that alone is supposed to carry a 4-minute sketch. And also like I said in my review of the first installment, these sketches are a whole bunch of NOTHINGNESS. It’s a fucking joke that these two Trina sketches ever made it on the air.
— The actual Jason Sudeikis/Gerard Butler pitch meeting portions of this sketch, as brief as they are, seem promising enough to make a sketch of their own, without the mind-numbing Trina stuff.
— As I’ve disclosed in my reviews lately, I’ve recently been starting to surprisingly warm up to some Kristen Wiig characters and impressions who I previously hated the HELL out of (Kathie Lee Gifford, Target Lady, Gilly). Well, that sure as hell ain’t happening with this Trina character.
— I got a genuine laugh just now from Jason beginning a statement to Gerard by asking him “Uh…Thomas, is it?”, after Trina referred to him as Thomas a zillion times throughout the sketch. Unfortunately, the laugh I got from that line of Jason’s still isn’t enough to make up for how awful this sketch in general is.
— End my misery, SNL. I am BEGGING you. This sketch is seriously starting to give me a headache. My look while watching this sketch is starting to match how Gerard’s character looks right now (screencap below).

— Ugh. As further proof of how ridiculously lazy the writing of this sketch is, they have Jason, right before leaving, respond to Gerard desperately asking him not to tell anybody about the absurdity he witnessed from Trina by saying “I feel like I will. Just bein’ honest”, which is the EXACT SAME exchange that previously happened between Steve Martin and Casey Wilson in the first installment of this sketch. How are you just going to straight-up reuse that exchange? Man, fuck this sketch.
— What a stupid and lame ending with Gerard and the pen cap. “Ohh. This IS for this!” I bet Gerard felt so dumb having to perform that portion of this sketch (if not the whole sketch).
STARS: * (I wonder if this is the first time in my SNL project that a segment I gave a perfect five-star rating to was immediately followed by a segment I gave a lowest-of-low one-star rating to. I think the closest this happened before is two separate episodes in the late 90s/early 00s era in which a Celebrity Jeopardy sketch I rated five stars was immediately followed by a god-forsaken Pretty Living sketch that I gave a one-and-a-half-star rating to. Right now, Pretty Living is looking almost downright tolerable compared to the Trina dreck I just sat through.)


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Did It Again”


DAVEHEART
movie chronicles William Wallace’s cowardly brother Daveheart (host)

— Odd how this is the second sketch tonight with the male cast playing a group of soldiers and Gerard playing their leader.
— An okay concept with Gerard as a cowardly version of Braveheart.
— Gerard freaking out over the goat made me laugh, but this sketch in general is starting to feel like it’s running out of steam.
— A surprisingly large amount of live speaking roles tonight for Jenny.
— This sketch continues to run out of steam, as I’m not caring much for the scene with Gerard locked up in chains.
STARS: **


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A strong first half (despite two of those strong sketches being rehashes), but the quality really dropped off in the post-Weekend Update half, aside from an epic debut of What Up With That.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


RATED SEGMENTS RANKED FROM BEST TO WORST
What Up With That?
Game Time With Randy And Greg
The Rock Obama
Beauty And The Beast
Fuquay Satin’s Grand Hoochie Skank Rosé
Weekend Update
Monologue
Daveheart
300
Cottage Cheese Ideas


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Drew Barrymore)
a mild step up


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Taylor Swift

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December 10, 2005 – Alec Baldwin / Shakira (S31 E8)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

SADDAM IN PRISON
self-pitying Saddam Hussein (host) whines to guard (FRA) from behind bars

— Interesting casting of host Alec Baldwin as Saddam Hussein.
— Good gruff-voiced Iraqi accent from Alec.
— Something about the way Alec’s face looks when smooshed between those prison bars is oddly adding to the humor a bit.
— Very funny part with the cruel “Your family will be dead by morning” joke Alec’s Saddam plays on Fred’s character when getting him to reveal his name.
— The ending felt anticlimactic. I was expecting more from this cold opening.
STARS: **½


MONOLOGUE
host relates lessons learned during his past SNL appearances; TIM cameo

— Alec mentions that Steve Martin is the only person to host SNL more than him, then makes a humorous point that himself hosting 12 times from 1990 to then-present day is a more impressive feat than Steve hosting 13 times from 1976 to then-present day.
— I love the use of clips of some of Alec’s earlier sketches as he does a rundown of all the things he learned from his previous hosting stints, even getting self-deprecating laughs by saying he jinxed his relationship with Kim Basinger by hosting with her on Valentine’s Day.
— A Tim Meadows cameo! Ah, it feels so refreshing to see Tim back on my screen during this SNL project of mine, given how I had gotten so used to his comforting presence for so many seasons earlier in this project.
— Very funny line from Tim about how he’s actually still in the cast; he just hasn’t had any sketches on in, like, 6 years. Great to see he’s still as funny as ever here.
— Kinda odd how Amy walked on at literally the very end of this monologue, right as the camera was zooming out and about to fade to black, to give Alec a hug to show she has no hard feelings toward him after he mentioned one of the perks of hosting SNL is getting to squeeze Amy’s boobs during the plastic surgeon sketch we were shown a clip of.
STARS: ****


MORGAN STANLEY
— Jesus Freakin’ Christ. Yet another airing of this commercial, for the FIFTH time in the first half of this seaso–Nah, I’m just kidding. This commercial didn’t air in tonight’s episode. I’m just making fun of the insane number of times they’ve repeated this commercial in such a short amount of time this season so far, which they’ve thankfully stopped doing by this point of the season.


TYLENOL BM
Tylenol BM lets (host) sleep so soundly, bowel movements don’t awaken him

— A blah juvenile premise, though Alec seems like he can make it funny just with his usual reliable dryness.
— A pretty good laugh from Rachel’s yell of “Did you (*bleep*) the bed?!?”
— Overall, Rachel’s aforementioned line and Alec’s solid dry performance made this commercial, which would’ve otherwise been a dud.
STARS: ***


FACE TRANSPLANT
(host) rejects face transplants grafted onto his hospitalized wife

— Second episode in a row with a hospital room sketch.
— Pretty funny reveal of Alec having secretly wished to God that his wife’s body would reject her new unattractive transplanted face.
— Alec “accidentally” pulling out the I.V. tube of hormone medication to force the doctors to re-transplant his wife’s face was hilarious.
— I love Tina’s delivery of the line “You racist! Have you learned nothing from the wolf attack?!?”
— The whole bit with Kenan turning out to be a guy who Alec knew in the marines is hilarious, especially a baffled Tina questioning to Alec “Why did you go into business with him after he raped you?!?”
— Great escalation to this sketch, and this material is so perfect for Alec.
— Hilarious ending with an angry Tina revealing to Alec that the hospitalized woman who’s breasts he’s lovingly groping isn’t actually his wife, she’s just some random woman here for foot surgery, yet Alec asks “Just give me five more minutes.”
— At the very end, during the sketch-ending audience applause, Alec’s groping of Amy’s breasts turns into a callback to the monologue, with Amy “dropping character”, getting mad at Alec, and asking “Again?!?” I guess this is what Amy’s little walk-on at the very end of the monologue was setting up. A rare example by this point of SNL’s run of an episode having somewhat of a running thread.
STARS: ****½


THE O’REILLY FACTOR
John McCain (CHP) & Barney Frank (host)

— (*sigh*) Darrell’s Bill O’Reilly impression still just sounds like Darrell Hammond.
— A funny line from Chris’ John McCain asking, after the asinine so-called facts Darrell’s Bill O’Reilly has spouted off, “Bill, do you even have a research department?”
— There goes Darrell’s typical habit of milking extra laughs from the audience by unnecessarily making exaggerated physical gestures.
— Very funny Barney Frank voice from Alec.
— Now there goes that stumbliness from Darrell that he’s developed this season.
— As usual, some laughs from the Mail Bag segment.
— Speaking of Darrell’s stumbliness, why didn’t he finish reading that letter about Tom Cruise? He left off the last word, for some reason.
STARS: ***


TV FUNHOUSE
“Celebrity Mugshot Poker” by RBS- infamous prison photos play Hold ‘Em

— Surprisingly, this is first TV Funhouse to air since this season’s premiere.
— It’s noticeable that this cartoon is being shown in SD 4:3 format instead of HD 16:9 format like the rest of this episode is.
— A very unusual but creative concept of this cartoon.
— Feels nice to hear Dave Foley’s voice on SNL. Too bad this is the closest he’s come to ever appearing on SNL.
— Hilarious bit with Nick Nolte raising during the poker game with a dead skunk he ran over.
— I like the unintelligible grunting being vocalized for each celebrity.
STARS: ***½


BROKEBACK GOLDMINE
grizzled prospectors (host) & (WLF) fall in love

— SNL’s obligatory spoof of the big then-new movie Brokeback Mountain.
— Sadly, Bill’s very brief and non-comedic appearance here ends up being his only appearance all night.
— Not caring for this sketch so far.
— There’s the required parody of the famous “I wish I knew how to quit you” line from the real movie. Can’t say this parody of that line did anything for me.
— I admit to getting a cheap laugh from the “Just prospecting” ending.
STARS: *½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Don’t Bother”


WEEKEND UPDATE
Wolf Blitzer (CHP), Jane Pauley (KRW), others audition for ABC News gig

Sharif Omar Mohammed’s (KET) racially-charged ventriloquism offends AMP

a clip of Richard Pryor’s SNL word association sketch marks his passing

— A fun and out-of-the-ordinary segment for Update (and a much-needed break from Tina and Amy’s typical unfunniness at the Update desk), with us seeing an audition tape for ABC News.
— Much like Bill earlier tonight, Kristen’s very brief appearance here, in which she only says one non-comedic line, ends up being her only appearance all night. Certainly feels odd now to see there was once an instance where Kristen was this underused on SNL.
— Pretty funny bit with Darrell’s Dan Rather disguising himself with a fake mustache and the name Stan Mather. I also like the off-camera director cutting him off with a deadpan “Mr. Rather, let’s not do this.”
— Finesse plays Stuart Scott on Update for the second episode in a row.
— Meh, the otherwise fun ABC News audition tape segment ended with a thud, thanks to the unnecessary and overlong bit with Horatio’s Gene Shalit.
— Hated the brief Rent bit between Tina and Amy. That’s exactly the type of typical Tina/Amy unfunniness at the Update desk that I was talking about earlier.
— Hmm, a Brokeback Mountain gay joke sent in from Tina’s 72-year-old father. At least I now see who Tina gets her obsession with hacky gay humor from.
— The fact that the camera keeps cutting to a close-up of Kenan’s ventriloquist dummy whenever it “speaks” is making it very obvious they’re hiding the fact that Kenan’s not attempting to make it look like he’s doing that thing professional ventriloquists do where they throw their voice without moving their lips.
— What the holy fuck is Kenan’s commentary even going for?!? Not only is this not making me laugh, but I’m finding it baffling.
— Amy looked REALLY down after she made a very minor line flub during her set-up of the Dunkin’ Dog Nuts joke (which didn’t even hurt the audience’s reaction to the punchline), showing she has no confidence in herself as an Update anchor.
— We at least end this mostly-dire Update with a tribute to the then-recently-deceased Richard Pryor, by showing a clip of the legendary Word Association sketch.
STARS: *½


THE TONY BENNETT SHOW
Dick Cheney (DAH) discusses terrorism

— As always, Alec’s Tony Bennett impression is reliable for lots of funny lines.
— A particularly good laugh from the segment with Alec’s Bennett plugging the show’s sponsor, K-Y Warming Liquid.
— Overall, this was funny, but it’s probably the most forgettable installment of this sketch by default.
STARS: ***


CAROL!
on a blind date at a bowling alley, crass Carol somehow charms (host)

— I’m still waiting to be won over by these Carol sketches. Like when I reviewed the first Carol sketch earlier this season, I’m not hating this as much as I did when these sketches originally aired, and I am seeing some small flashes of “So bad, it’s good”-ness, but most of this sketch is eliciting no emotions from me. I’m so blankly neutral on this sketch. But, again, at least that’s still a step up from the frothing-at-the-mouth fiery hatred I used to have for these sketches when they originally aired.
STARS: **


HOT DOG FAMILY
hot dog’s husband (host) counsels his half-human kids (AMP) & (ANS)

— A good dumb, oddball premise to this Alec Baldwin sketch, and it’s the kind of thing that Alec can sell in spades.
— I like the little part with a distressed Amy, as the daughter, calling out “Mom!”, and the camera then cutting to a close-up of little hot dog resting on a pillow, unresponsive as always.
— Now THIS is a “So bad, it’s good” sketch that’s actually working for me (though “So dumb, it’s funny” is probably a more accurate description of this particular sketch than “So bad, it’s good”).
— Andy makes his only appearance of the night here (I’m noticing a theme tonight with the newbies, except for Jason). I remember an online SNL fan pointing out Andy looked pretty awkward and uncomfortable in this sketch, as this was back when a lot of online SNL fans were convinced Andy was not working out as an SNL cast member and that he had “one-season wonder” written all over him. We’re only one episode away, folks, from the legendary moment that would drastically change that.
— After asking his hot dog wife for some privacy so he and Andy can have a talk, I love Alec carelessly throwing his hot dog wife behind him.
STARS: ****


MEDICARE
Medicare’s high-tech info delivery methods will confuse elderly audiences

— Very fun cheesy singing from Jason.
— Uh, what exactly is the joke here? Besides Jason’s delightfully corny singing of the same lyrics over and over (which would be pure death if it were performed by a cast member less charismatic and fun than Jason), there’s no comedic conceit I can find at all here. If the joke is simply that the process of applying for healthcare online is confusing and complicated for elderly people, that’s not all that great of a premise, nor am I caring for the execution of it.
STARS: *½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest & Alejandro Sanz [real] perform “La Tortura”


ELF MOTIVATION
(host) gives Glengarry Glen Ross motivational speech to Santa’s elves

— A fantastic idea to have Alec do an elf-themed spoof of his famous scene from Glengarry Glen Ross.
— Alec chewing out the elves Glengarry Glen Ross style is freakin’ great.
— A classic blooper where Alec initially misreads the written “Always Be Cobbling” motto on the chalkboard as “Always Be Closing”, which is what the motto was in the actual movie. Not only is that mix-up of Alec’s very funny, but there’s something strangely endearing about it, as it shows that Alec’s original Glengarry Glen Ross speech is SO ingrained in his memory.
— My only complaint about this otherwise fantastic sketch: it ended EXTREMELY awkwardly. What was with the uncomfortably long stretch of dead silence between the elves cheering the announcement of their Christmas bonuses and the audience applauding?
STARS: ****½


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— Another good Alec Baldwin episode. Despite a few flops throughout the night, there were enough good sketches, and the episode as a whole had a pretty nice feel to it, no doubt due to Alec’s always-reliable presence as a host. Two sketches tonight were particularly strong and will likely make it to my end-of-season “Best Of” picks (Face Transplant and Elf Motivation).


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Dane Cook)
a very slight step down


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Jack Black hosts the Christmas episode

Posted on

December 1, 2001 – Derek Jeter / Bubba Sparxxx, Shakira (S27 E7)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

YOU MIGHT BE A TERRORIST
John Ashcroft (DAH) & George W. Bush (WIF) do You Might Be A Terrorist If

— I’m always a sucker for that voice that Darrell uses as John Ashcroft.
— A particularly funny example from Darrell’s Ashcroft on being a terrorist: “If the return address on your mail reads ‘A cave’, then you just might be a terrorist.”
— Very funny part with Will’s President Bush interrupting Ashcroft to tell him he’s starting to sound like Jeff Foxworthy, then saying that’s a good thing because he loves Jeff Foxworthy and wants to join in.
— Bush: “If you have a really long beard, and you hang out in the desert, and you are not in ZZ Top… you just might be a terrorist.”
— Fun cold opening so far, and the very responsive, enthusiastic audience is helping the vibe.
STARS: ****


MONOLOGUE
host causes injuries & mayhem by hitting baseballs into the audience

— This would go on to be an often-played monologue in SNL’s Sports Extra compilation specials.
— A good laugh from the things the audience is heard yelling out after Derek Jeter asks “What’s the one thing a baseball fan wants more than anything?”
— A very simplistic premise to this monologue, but it’s coming off pretty fun in the execution.
— There goes the use of an SNL trademark, the ol’ vomit hose, after one audience member (SNL writer Matt Piedmont, I believe) gets hit multiple times by baseballs.
STARS: ***½


PREPARATION H
Rerun from 9/29/01


MUCHAS IGLESIAS
(host) & brothers Enrique (JIF) & Julio, Jr. (CHK) sing

— Funny Enrique Iglesias impression from Jimmy. Believe it or not, this is the first celebrity impression he’s done all season. Very odd, considering how much more common his impressions were in his first three seasons. In fact, his non-Update airtime seems to have been reduced this season in general.
— Chris’ performance as Julio Iglesias Jr. is okay (I can’t judge the accuracy of the impression), but it feels like he’s played tons of roles in this same voice and demeanor before.
— Derek is funny as a less-appealing third Iglesias Brother. Also a good detail with the oversized, disgusting-looking mole on his face. I also like Rachel’s unexcited reactions to his bizarre attempt at swooning her.
STARS: ***½


YANKEE WIVES
(host) & other Yankee wives hate sluts (David Wells) & (David Cone)

— Derek actually looks pretty convincing in drag… at least facially. Those massive arms of his kinda ruin the illusion.
— I’m getting a lot of good laughs from Amy-as-Chuck-Knoblauch’s-wife’s various jealous lines regarding her husband potentially being with other women.
— Derek’s character: “Jeter does not do it for me. He looks like if The Rock had sex with a Muppet.”
— Funny walk-on from a drag-wearing David Cone and David Wells (the latter still having his facial hair). Huge audience reactions throughout this portion of this sketch.
— A strong and memorable sketch overall.
STARS: ****


PROMO

— When announcing next week’s guests, Don Pardo bizarrely announces Hugh Jackman as “Ralph Jackman”. I know Don is an old, old man by this point, but I have no clue how in the world “Hugh” could ever be misread as “Ralph”. Because they both end with an “h”???


MASSEUSE
music spellbinds inept romantic in daydream about giving host a massage

— After Derek shows reluctance to remove his robe, I got a laugh from Chris saying “One of us is gonna get naked in a few minutes, so it better be you.”
— The audience is loving Chris’ mesmerized, dramatic reactions during the various tender songs he’s playing, but I can’t really say I’m laughing.
— Seeing Chris with his legs wrapped around Derek like that reminds me of his Mr. Peepers character.
— The twist ending was kinda clever, I guess, but what was with the audience breaking out into sketch-ending applause well before the ending scene concluded? Did SNL mistakenly cue the “Applause” lights too early?
STARS: **


DISSING YOUR DOG
(WIF)’s tape shows how to train canines via mockery

 

— I love Will’s calmly-delivered line about how his previous dog-training methods involved starving dogs, locking them in a closet for days, or just beating them mercilessly, which led to three arrests and court-ordered anger management counseling.
— Throughout his SNL tenure, Will seems to have a specialty of doing hilarious dog commercials with a dark theme (e.g. Petchow Rat Poison, Wade Blasingame), and this is his greatest one yet, in my eyes.
— Great concept of Will delivering sarcastic barbs to dogs in order to properly train them. Will is absolutely fantastic here.
— A particularly funny sarcastic run-on barb from Will that ends with “but keep in mind you’re a fu(*bleep*)ing dog.”
STARS: *****


DEREK JETER’S TACO HOLE
host promotes his Mexican restaurant

— The first of a series of “non-actor SNL host does a musical commercial promoting a restaurant they own” sketches, a tradition that I would go on to HATE during their original airing. I’ll try to go into these with a more open mind in this SNL project of mine.
— I remember when this sketch originally aired, it felt to me like an inferior variation of the fantastic Stevie Nicks’ Fajita Roundup sketch.
— I’m not laughing much so far, but this sketch has a pretty fun, infectious charm to it, and Derek is working well here.
— Overall, not bad.
STARS: ***


DEALING WITH MOM AND DAD
host helps youngster (CHK) with his bat technique

— Good opening parody of cheesy sitcom opening credits.
— Lots of airtime for Chris tonight.
— Amy is funny as Chris’ bratty sister.
— Amy, upon seeing Derek Jeter: “Oh my god, if I was 15, I would so have sex with you!”
— A good laugh from how, after Derek takes Chris outside to train him, they return almost IMMEDIATELY in a defeated manner, with Derek telling the parents “Hey, man, your kid sucks.”
— Funny turn with how the “secret technique” that Derek taught Chris turns out to involve him beating his bullies to a pulp with a baseball bat.
— When the cops are heard approaching during the bully-beating scene, I love Derek’s line “I’ll just get Steinbrenner to pay them off again.” I recall some SNL reviewers back at this time asking why a lot of people in the audience booed that line, but I didn’t hear any booing AT ALL when this originally aired, nor do I hear any booing right now as I’m re-watching this. So what were those reviewers talking about?
— A good ending “Next time on Dealing With Mom And Dad” preview scene, regarding a gasoline can and a breakup that Chris’s character is going through.
— I recall once reading somewhere that SNL later attempted to do a second installment of this sketch in the following season’s John McCain episode, which is AFTER Will and Ana both departed from SNL, but the sketch got cut after dress. I can’t quite remember which cast members I read took over Will and Ana’s dad and mom roles in that version the sketch. Possibly Chris Parnell (this was well after he was re-hired) and Maya.
STARS: ****


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
Shakira performs “Whenever, Wherever”


WEEKEND UPDATE
host & SEM do a Point-Counterpoint about whether Derek Jeter sucks

clips of George Harrison’s SNL appearance mark his passing

— Boy, that opening Miss Afghanistan joke from Tina was AWFUL.
— Tina makes up for her opening dud joke with both her solid Britney Spears joke and her very mean-spirited Charlotte Church joke (and unlike the last time Tina told a Norm Macdonald-esque mean-spirited joke about someone, we thankfully don’t have Tina apologizing for the joke immediately afterwards this time).
— Tina continues to be on fire tonight, with the hilarious “Where would America be comfortable with Pee Wee Herman masturbating?” rant she’s now doing, which is one of her more memorable moments of her entire Update stint, in my eyes.
— At the end of Tina’s aforementioned Paul Rubens masturbation rant, when she says “Men masturbate all the time”, I love how Jimmy followed it up with an awkward “Rarely, if ever.”
— Ha, now I actually heard booing from tonight’s audience (unlike after the Steinbrenner line in the Dealing With Mom And Dad sketch), in response to Tina’s offensive-but-funny China/moon joke.
— Ah, the return of Point/Counterpoint!
— Already a laugh right from the established topic of Seth and Derek’s Point/Counterpoint: “Derek Jeter Sucks / No I Don’t”.
— Tonight’s Point/Counterpoint commentary further establishes Seth’s Red Sox fan persona in his Update commentaries.
— Seth’s getting a lot of good laughs throughout his and Derek’s Point/Counterpoint. I especially like him confessing that he once vowed that if he ever got within 6 feet of a real Yankee, he’d kick his ass, “… but then I saw you.”
— A classy way to end tonight’s Update, with SNL paying tribute to the recently-deceased George Harrison by showing various clips of him from the season 2 Paul Simon-hosted episode that he was a musical guest in. Nice to see all of this footage again, and it also takes me back to when I reviewed that episode early in this SNL project of mine.
STARS: ****


PEP TALK
in a cave hideout, Osama bin Laden (WIF) tries to boost morale of his men

— SNL finally debuts an Osama Bin Laden impression. Casting Will in this role makes sense, as he previously played Saddam Hussein.
— I like the little detail from Will of him imitating the limp way Osama always holds microphones.
— A funny meta bit with Will’s Osama saying “We got a real hot mic here”, referencing a trademark of the Culps sketches.
— Will’s Osama impression isn’t really turning out to be anything special. I would’ve preferred Will to continue his tradition of portraying famous psychotic men in a humorously very friendly, smiley, jovial manner (e.g. Saddam, Ted Kaczynski, Marshall Applewhite). Well, actually… now that I think about it, no. Portraying Osama as a jovial, likable person probably wouldn’t have exactly gone over well with America so soon after 9/11.
— Osama: “It’s cool to live in a cave; Batman lived in a cave!”
— This sketch hasn’t been doing much for me, though the performances are pretty fun.
— Funny bit regarding a bootleg copy of Harry Potter that Osama has.
— Weak ending.
STARS: **½


MAN PERM
(host)’s friends are concerned that he’s so happy with his home perm

— A good initial laugh from Derek entering in that wig.
— Derek’s pride in his ridiculous perm is very amusing.
— Funny sequence with a big-smiling Derek admiring and touching up his perm into a mirror, especially when he pulls out an afro pick at one point.
— Maya, regarding Derek’s perm: “It’s porno hair!”
— The comments from the group of Derek’s friends about his perm are getting kinda old and feel kinda unnecessary after a while. I understand you need a straight man for a sketch like this, but something about the execution of the straight man portions of this sketch feel kinda off.
— Funny ending with the various magazines/newspaper headlines regarding whether perms are in or not.
STARS: ***


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
Bubba Sparxxx performs “Ugly” & “Lovely”


A HOLIDAY TREAT FOR ALL
as a holiday treat, HOS, CHK, TRM, JIF perform a happy Christmas ditty

— Great fake-out at the beginning with the legitimate professional string quartet, before revealing what it’s REALLY a front for. You guys know how much I love these “I Wish It Was Christmas Today” bits.
— Tracy makes his ONLY appearance of the night. (I feel like I say that every time they do these “I Wish It Was Christmas Today” bits.) For possibly that reason, he looks kinda pissed during this sketch, but it’s probably just me, as he ALWAYS has a dead-serious look on his face during these “I Wish It Was Christmas Today” bits (which is part of what makes them work). However, his dancing-in-place looks more half-hearted than usual tonight.
— On a similar note to Tracy’s half-hearted dancing, Jimmy doesn’t seem as fun-loving and smiley as he usually is during these bits. He’s been surprisingly serious-looking throughout this.
— I love the VERY extended guitar (or whatever instrument that is that Horatio plays in these) solo from Horatio. It’s funny to see Chris trying to keep up with Horatio’s long solo by doing his rhythmic head-shaking in time to Horatio’s frantic guitar-strumming.
STARS: ****


MY BIG THICK NOVEL BY JACK HANDEY
specially-bred children in chapter 772


GOODNIGHTS

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A very solid and fun episode, though the quality dipped a bit with the first few post-Weekend Update sketches. Overall, though, this probably stands out as one of the better and more memorable athlete-hosted episodes in SNL history. The particularly responsive, enthusiastic studio audience also helped the fun vibe of this episode. Considering his limitations as a non-actor, Derek Jeter did well as a host and had some solid moments.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Billy Bob Thornton)
about the same


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
“Ralph” Jackman