November 2, 1991 – Kiefer Sutherland / Skid Row (S17 E5)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

COLD OPENING
defense attorney (KEN) selects jurors for the William Kennedy Smith trial

— Ellen’s whole long-winded “Big ol’ boozehead” rant about Ted Kennedy is hilarious.
— I love Kevin’s uncomfortable-but-calm “Okay… that’s okay…”s when trying to move on to a different subject whenever a potential juror mentions a succession of negative things about the Kennedy family.
— Farley’s walk-on immediately gets some chuckles from the audience.
— Farley going on about how Ted Kennedy is “a good guy” is very funny, especially Farley eagerly asking “Is he here???”
— Farley gets to deliver his very first “Live from New York”.
STARS: ***½

MONOLOGUE
recently-jilted, tuxedo-clad host sings “How To Handle A Woman”

— For years, I didn’t understand the joke where Kiefer calls attention to his formal tuxedo and bitterly says “I’ve been having a rather difficult time finding somewhere to wear it”, until I was told at some point that it was a reference to Julia Roberts calling off their wedding earlier that year.
— Very short overall monologue in which he mostly just sings a serious song, but the song thankfully was brief enough and had a fairly chuckleworthy ending.
STARS: **½

LUNG BRUSH
Lung Brush manually cleans gunk from smokers’ airways; Ken Stabler cameo

— Interesting change of pace having Mike as a commercial spokesperson for once. He’s doing a good job here.
— Very funny disgusting visual gag of Farley entering the long brush all the way down into his throat, an animated graphic then being shown of the brush cleaning one of the tar-filled lungs, and then Farley pulling out the now-gunk-covered brush.
STARS: ***½

CAMPAIGN ’92
debating Democrats deprecate themselves to avoid George Bush matchup

— I love the title “The Race to Avoid Being the Guy Who Loses to Bush”.
— Funny visual gag of Kevin’s Bill Bradley impression only consisting of him initially imitating Bradley’s double chin when he’s first shown. That reminds me of how Kevin’s Brent Musberger impression would only consist of him initially holding down the sides of his eyes when he was first shown.
— Another funny visual, this time with Phil’s Cuomo make-up.
— The premise of this sketch comes off ironic in retrospect, considering the “impossible to beat” George Bush ends up losing this election.
— I love Phil’s Cuomo voice.
— I’ve always wondered why they had Victoria as Tipper Gore filling in for Al Gore in this. The only reason I can think of is SNL felt none of the remaining male cast members who weren’t already in this sketch were suitable for a convincing Gore impression. Or maybe they just really wanted to use that “My husband is with our kids at a gay porno theater” joke.
— A lot of laughs from how the candidates’ “cheap shots” are them complimenting each other or putting themselves down.
— Dana as Richard Gephart: “I couldn’t beat David Duke in Harlem.”
— Kiefer-as-Lloyd-Bentsen’s final statement is priceless, especially him explaining “Hell, I can’t even tell you the names of the people standing on this stage with me.”
— Phil-as-Cuomo’s “The real issue is this: I. Have. Mob. Ties.” statement is classic.
— A phenomenal sketch overall. Well-written, perfectly executed, and had an endless number of funny lines.
STARS: *****

WHOSE ASS SHOULD I KISS?
contestants try to climb the corporate ladder

— Already a big laugh from the initial reveal of the title.
— Rob is hilarious in this, especially with his shamelessness regarding his excessive ass-kissing.
— Phil’s “That’s just blatant brown-nosing” line to Rob was very funny.
— I liked Kevin’s half-humble/half-cocky line “I get my fair share” when being complimented on his sexual prowess.
— Great part with Rob’s overly ass-kissing tendencies getting to the point where he just flat-out asks Kevin what sexual favor he would like.
— The list of prizes that the winner will receive could’ve been funnier.
— I like Julia’s kinda-snooty facial expressions throughout this.
— Very funny reveal at the end that the show is “An Arsenio Hall Production”.
STARS: ****

DEEP THOUGHTS BY JACK HANDEY
on laughing at Grandpa

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Piece of Me”

WEEKEND UPDATE

— I liked Kevin’s opening line “I’m Nealon Kevin, and I’m a recovering dyslexic.”
— Kevin: “For Halloween, Ted Kennedy wore pants and went as a commoner.”
— Great Trump joke regarding who mugged his mother.
— Despite some of the usual stumbliness in his delivery, Kevin is on a roll with a lot of these jokes.
— Tonight’s overall Update had no guest commentaries at all, but it didn’t need any. Kevin did a very good job carrying this by himself, and this is his very first above-average Update.
STARS: ****

ALL THINGS SCOTTISH
Stuart Rankin & brother (host) at the former’s All Things Scottish store

— This sketch officially becomes recurring. Unlike this character’s previous appearances, Stuart Rankin now has the look that people today remember him as having.
— Tim seems a little miscast as this streetwise young black character (constantly saying things like “Why don’choo chill, man?”) when Chris Rock is RIGHT THERE and has yet to appear in any sketches tonight. That being said, I’m still kinda liking Tim in this role.
— I got a good laugh from Phil’s subtle put-off facial reaction to Rankin jokingly telling him, regarding Scotch and Scots, “We’re both quite tasty.”
— Phil spouting off stereotypical Irish phrases in a goofy Irish accent is hilarious.
— I remember the first time I saw this episode, which was in a Comedy Central rerun, I found Kiefer barely recognizable in that wig and large mustache. I recall thinking he looked a lot like Jeff Foxworthy in this.
— The whole “Rankin and his brother keep getting ready to fight each other but end up always reconciling with an emotional hug whenever something sentimental gets brought up” thing was already done in the prior installment of this sketch with Kyle MacLachlan, but I feel it’s coming off a little funnier here.
— Kiefer: “(in a Scottish accent) I’ll be kickin’ ya so hard in the goonies, you’ll be peein’ out your mouth.”
STARS: ***½

KIDDIE METAL
Axl Rose (ADS) & musical guest perform songs from the album

— The child actor used in this sketch would go on to appear quite a lot in this era, with his two most noteworthy roles probably being Rob Schneider’s son in one of the Sensitive Naked Man sketches and the “You killed Kennedy? The MTV VJ?” kid from an “In the Line of Fire” parody with John Malkovich.
— Awkward long delay with the music after the kid presses the play button on his radio. This would later be fixed in reruns.
— An absolutely perfect use of Adam’s fantastic Axl Rose impression, with him singing heavy metal versions of classic nursery rhymes.
— Second sketch in a row where I used to have a hard time recognizing Kiefer. The only reason I can tell that’s him playing Slash is by the voice. I think in my aforementioned first Comedy Central viewing, I assumed that was Al Franken playing Slash, for some reason.
— The A-B-C’s duet between Axl Rose and Sebastian Bach is fantastic.
STARS: *****

DEEP THOUGHTS BY JACK HANDEY
on the benefits of having a robot president

DAILY AFFIRMATION WITH STUART SMALLEY
a visit from Stuart’s idea-stealing cousin Leon (host)

— Weird how this is the second sketch tonight with Kiefer playing a recurring character’s relative. And interestingly, both recurring characters are ones named Stuart (Rankin and Smalley).
— Great look on Kiefer’s character.
— I love the clip of Kiefer’s show and how it’s suspiciously similar to Stuart’s show, right down to Kiefer’s motto being a knock-off of “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough… etc.”.
— Some really funny tension between both characters.
— I like both characters’ passive-aggressive comment to each other during their “sentimental” wrap-up of the show.
STARS: ****

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Monkey Business”

PHONE ILLITERACY
(host) serves as conversation middleman for phone-illiterate (KEN)

— Some good laughs from Kiefer constantly being forced by Kevin to relay messages to the friend on the phone, only for Kevin to back down whenever Kiefer offers him the phone.
— Kevin’s tearful “I don’t know how to use a telephone!” reveal and the subsequent disclaimer raising awareness of phone illiteracy were solid. However, Kevin delivers his “I don’t know how to use a telephone!” line a lot funner in reruns, which replace the second half of this sketch with the dress rehearsal version (you can tell when the dress rehearsal substitution comes in, as Kevin’s hair suddenly changes to a noticeable wig and Kiefer’s sleeves suddenly change from rolled-up to fully down).
STARS: ***½ for the live version, **** for the rerun version

I’M CHILLIN’
Onski plugs 168th Street Spring Water; mother joke prizes

— Chris Rock is JUST NOW making his first appearance of the night, in the final sketch of the show. At least he gets a lead role here, though.
— I loved Rock’s impressively long-winded, wordy intro to Farley.
— The sponsored water drink being from a fire hydrant is pretty funny, as is the hydrant-shaped water bottle.
— I love how the picture they showed of a child support check had the words “Here, Bitch!” signed in the name portion (second-to-last screencap above).
STARS: ***½

GOODNIGHTS

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IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A strong episode with a good number of really memorable pieces, especially classics like Campaign ’92 and Kiddie Metal.

HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Christian Slater)
a slight step up

My full set of screencaps for this episode is here

TOMORROW
Linda Hamilton